


Next of Kin

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Category: Firefly
Genre: Academy, Blue Hands, Cobb Family, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-29
Updated: 2007-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-06 22:44:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 52
Words: 221,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While it may seem as though River is safe from the Academy's clutches, she can still just as easily be declared incompetent. In such a case, her next of kin decides her fate. The crew has a way of insuring that the Tams never send her back...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleeping Justice

The job was supposed to go down easy, though they should have known better by now. Mal took up the drop with Zoe while Simon was the distraction out front. He did prissy and privileged real well, and was completely believable as one of the elite stockholders for the company they were stealing from. It should have gone down without a hitch.

But then the real stockholder walked in.

He had some pretty piece on his arm, which delayed the reveal. But when the banker called out "Mr. Devane!" in an agitated voice upon finding the empty vault, two heads turned. Simon saw the actual Mr. Devane with this year's Mrs. Devane, and saw the banker's look of confusion. It was time to beat a hasty retreat, and Simon thought he made it out unscathed.

A bat to the back changed Simon's mind very quickly. So did the knife in the arm.

These jobs never went down that easy.

***

River had known the instant something went wrong. She was the only one on the ship; both Jayne and Kaylee had headed out for some shopping and possibly picking up legitimate jobs at the marketplace. She picked up the comm unit and hit the button. "Captain," she said sharply, her voice eerily calm.

"Not now, albatross."

Mal's voice was too tight, and there was the sound of rushing air. River sighed. "He's not there."

_"Daxiang baozhashi de laduzi!_ I thought as much. I sent Zoe back for him already. I'm comin' back."

"He's in pain," River whispered, her voice raw.

"We'll get him back." Mal cut the comm, and River was plunged back into silence. She sat, waiting until Mal would return. Her thought wandered, and she knew it was only a matter of time before Simon's captors would figure out who he was. Once that happened, they would turn him in for the reward still available. Then they would look for her. The rewards had been canceled, but not really, as old posters were still available. They were dated the week before Miranda happened, but out here on the Rim, it was fresh news. They _had _to get him back, and they _had_ to leave. Zoe would know this. Zoe would know to get him back.

River raced down to open the cargo bay when she felt Mal's approach. She helped him haul in the take from the mule, stashing it in the usual hiding place. "Kaylee's on her way."

Mal nodded. "Fine here. We need off this world."

A gentle prod sped Jayne back on his way as well, and then River attempted to touch Simon's mind. As soon as she did so, she recoiled in pain and touched her temple. "Ow."

"Albatross?"

"Simon's hurt badly. More than the knife. I don't know what it is."

A chirp from the comm interrupted what Mal was about to say. "Yeah?"

"On our way, sir. Don't know what happened, but get the boat ready to go," Zoe said, voice sharp. It was a razor across River's pained brain.

"Understood." Mal motioned to River. "Start her up."

River scrambled to the cockpit. She fired up the engine as Kaylee got aboard, and strapped herself in. She needed a place with the special flowers, bitter as pain.

Jayne had actually met up with Zoe on the way, and helped her bring Simon aboard. Mal shut the cargo bay door and hit the ship's intercom. "Take us up, albatross."

River brought Serenity up into the sky. She set in the coordinates for their next stop – _bitter flowers for a bitter pain_ – and put the ship on autopilot. She ran to the cargo bay where Simon was thrashing about on the floor. He was hissing in pain, grabbing at Mal's arm. "You promised me..." he choked out.

"Hush up. We don't know yet..."

Simon's eyes were wild, fixed on Mal. _"Gunkai!"_ he spat. Kaylee's jaw dropped open at the profanity. "It was poison they shot me with. I know exactly what it is." His jaw clenched tight, and he pushed his fists down against the floor to keep from screaming. "I have six hours before I stop breathing because my lungs are full of blood."

Kaylee dropped to her knees beside him. "No.... _bao bei..."_

"Unless we get you Loracan," River said, voice surer than she felt. It was hours to a large enough facility that would have the antidote. "It can neutralize the poison." Simon let out an agonized groan. "Our next stop has it in raw form. If you chew the flowers..."

"No guarantee..." he began.

"Better than none. Recovery will be slow, but it can still be done," River said. She looked at Kaylee's desperate face. "We're already set for the renca berry home world."

Mal eyed Simon, who was trying to keep still. It looked as though the other man's muscles were spasming at odd times. It couldn't have been a good feeling. "I remember my promise," Mal said with a nod. "Just in case."

"Promise?" Jayne asked dumbly. "What?"

"If something happens... Save River," Simon moaned. "She can't go back... She has to be protected. Mom and Dad would send her back..."

River's mouth dropped open. "When did you speak of this? I was not informed! Why is it that I don't know about this? How could you not tell me?"

Mal turned to River. "Fly my boat. Stay calm. You get us there, we'll get that flower."

Reluctantly, River left the cargo back for the cockpit. She could try picking up speed, give them more time to find it... but projections were not optimal. Projections left Simon crippled at best, dead at worst. The stars blurred in her vision. Her poor brother...

In the cargo bay, Kaylee cradled Simon. "It's not fair," she moaned, beginning to cry. "It's not."

"I know," he moaned, then grimaced in pain.

She touched his cheeks tenderly. "There's still hope, Simon. River said so."

"Odds aren't good... and there _will_ be damage."

"Don'tcha got something to help?"

"Just to dull the pain," he wheezed. "That's it."

"Good enough. Can you walk?"

Simon only groaned and shook his head. Zoe and Jayne helped bring him to the infirmary, where Kaylee followed his directions to give him the anesthetic. At least now he couldn't feel what was happening below his neck.

"What's this poison do?" Kaylee asked timidly. "It's pretty painful, ain't it?"

"It attacks nerves," Simon said, voice soft. His eyes drifted closed. "But not like a neuronal disease... It's rapid, painful breakdown... protein and immune complexes cause acute renal failure... the lungs are destroyed by the complexes, too... If it goes on for long enough, I drown in my own blood."

Kaylee looked at Zoe and Jayne, tears shimmering in her eyes. "It ain't right. It ain't fair."

Zoe touched Kaylee's hand gently. "It never is."

***

Mal sat down with Zoe, Jayne and Kaylee at the kitchen table. He almost wished Inara were here, since she had been there with him when Simon had first broached the subject. But she had other duties she still performed, and being a Companion always came first with her. He looked among the remains of his crew. River was piloting, doing her best to pick up speed; Mal knew every precious second counted if they wanted Simon to live.

He cleared his throat. "We got a problem. Even at her best, River ain't quite right in the head. It don't take a genius to say so."

"They don't got bounties on them no more," Jayne said, shaking his head. "We've all been cleared out and set safe with the Alliance."

"That ain't the problem. Problem is, some crooked doc can come along and say she ain't right in the head, she can't take care of herself. If they say she can't take it, can't make her own decisions, then someone else has to do it."

"So? That's next of kin."

Kaylee looked at Jayne, her face sad. "After Simon's gone, it won't be any of us."

"I thought their parents disowned them."

"Simon, _not_ River," Mal corrected. "She's wanted 'cause she's their Reader, and she's their weapon. The Tams don't know what went on, most likely. And so they're most likely going to just send her back where she came from."

_"Jian ta de gui!"_ Jayne erupted. "They're the ones that cut up her brainpan. Even I know she don't belong there."

"Cap'n... You can't let them take her back!" Kaylee cried.

Zoe remained silent, eyes fixed on Mal. She knew him well enough to know that there was more to the story he hadn't told them yet.

"We gotta make a new next of kin," Mal said once it was silent. "And if it ain't gonna be her parents, it's gotta be a husband."

Silence. Absolute, pure silence.

_"Renci de Fouzu,"_ Kaylee murmured. "But who? Did Simon mean you, Cap'n?"

Mal shook his head. "The idea is to get her married off someplace safe and someplace on the Rim far from the Core. If they don't know where to look, they don't get her back. Then the deed's done, and they ain't the next of kin no more."

"Sir? Who would you trust with that?" Zoe asked, concerned. "We don't got too many trustworthy friends left. That Operative saw to that."

"We're stopping on some world for these flowers. My thinkin' is, we send some waves out, get a feel for who'd be proper husband material."

"Gangsters ain't good for no crazy girl," Jayne muttered after a moment, shaking his head.

"You got a better idea?" Mal snapped.

Jayne thought about it for a moment. "My younger brother Mattie."

All eyes flew to Jayne. "Come again?" Mal asked, surprised. "I don't think I heard that right."

"Ain't no ties from Tam to Cobb. And my brother was studyin' up to be a teacher. He gots lots of chest colds and such, but he'd do right by her. He ain't got no wife yet."

Mal leaned back in his chair and released the breath he didn't know he had been holding. "You'd do that? Volunteer your brother like that? You don't even like them."

"They're all right, I guess," Jayne muttered, shrugging. "Can't help it if someone cuts up your brain. And if'n there's no bounty, no need to turn on 'em." He looked at the three stunned faces in turn. "Mattie's the bookish sort. They may get on."

Kaylee gave him a watery smile. "Thank you, Jayne. That's mighty nice o' ya."

"That solves our problem, then. No waves necessary," Mal said, nodding. "Can you get there from our next port?"

Jayne frowned. "Don't know. It might not be the easiest ride to Beylix."

Malcolm frowned. "I didn't know you were from Beylix."

"Don't go advertisin'," Jayne said simply. "The place is farms and dump yards. Ain't much to look at and ain't much to do."

"I almost nearly got a job with United Reclamations in the scrap yards," Kaylee mused. "Could'a built up engines thousands o' times over if I did."

"Plenty o' junk dealers there," Jayne muttered, shrugging. "And one iron mine, not too far from Hunting Darren's."

"What's that?"

"Closest dock on that ball of dust," Jayne said. By the sound of his voice, it wasn't a place he would prefer to visit if he had any other choice. "They gots plenty of scrap yards, junk dealers and rebuilt boats. Also gots plenty of nothing else."

Zoe leveled a look at Jayne. "So is it safe enough for her?"

"Don't nobody mess with Cobbs out back that way. All the Cobb boys are mean sons o' bitches 'cept Mattie. He got born too early, and always had a weak chest. Couldn't work in the mine, wasn't strong enough to work the junk yards so he fell to teachin'. Ma tells me they fit like a hand and glove. Oughta be good enough for Crazy."

Mal and Zoe exchanged a look. It sounded like every other Rim world, so they understood how that kind of life worked. And while Jayne could be counted on to serve only his own interests, it did sound as though Matthew Cobb might be their answer.

"Send your Ma a wave, let her know to expect the two of you."

Jayne leaned back in his chair. "Ain't got no wave machine back home. That's why she sends me letters at the drop points."

"Can you get to Beylix from our next stop?"

The mercenary shrugged. "I suppose. It'll take a couple days to hit the homestead."

"Then do it. We'll most likely get these flowers, then head to the Core. While we got a clean slate, it's safe enough to go in and get our Doc the help he needs." Mal could feel Kaylee's hopeful eyes on him, and couldn't meet them. "And our albatross will be tucked away nice and safe for however long it takes for him to get well." Mal leaned back in his chair and looked at Jayne. "Since there's no receiver, we'll have to drop on by and pick you up."

"But what about River?" Kaylee asked, voice warbling on the edge of tears. "We gotta pick her back up, too, won't we?"

"Well, that would be between her and her new kin," Mal said slowly. Zoe's gaze was comfortable and steady. Mal knew she agreed with this, that nobody should step on a boat that was going to be unsafe. River would be safest put to ground, not potentially running loose where anyone could catch her. "We can't force anybody to do anything."

"Well, she's gotta come back. She's crew! She's family!"

"Law only counts blood family, not bond," Zoe said gently. "And right now, it's the law we gotta be worried about. There's only so far you can run around it or stretch it."

Kaylee looked at the others, defeated. "Won't we ever see her again?"

"Of course. We'll know where she's at. And who knows, maybe Mattie will want to come with us," Mal added with false confidence. Kaylee needed to hear the lie, and she nodded. "Important thing is now, we gotta get Simon stable and off to a hospital. We'll sort the rest out later, when we have the time."

"I'll go check in on Simon," Kaylee said softly, sniffling. She pushed herself back from the table, not looking at anyone. She knew how final marriages could be; she hadn't seen two of her sisters after they were married. There were never any guarantees, not even if they were on the same planet. And now River was going to be tucked away in a small town on a far Rim planet. There was no guarantee Mattie would want to let her go.

Kaylee wandered downstairs to check on Simon in the infirmary. He was still sleeping, and his brows were smooth. The anesthetic would work for almost another hour, then he would begin to feel the burn of his nerves being torn apart. She touched his face gently, reverently. It wasn't fair, they had only just gotten together. It took nearly being killed to make him realize he had to live for _now,_ not _later,_ and now they were running out of later.

A tear tracked its way down her face, and Kaylee had to run out of the infirmary. What if he wasn't able to pull through? What if the doctors of Ariel weren't good enough? What if this was the last few hours she would ever have with him?

Kaylee found herself outside the cockpit, where River was curled up in Wash's old chair. She was holding onto the T rex, head cocked as if she were listening to it speak. "I don't do the voices the same," River was saying sadly. "I can't make you live the way he could."

"River?"

Kaylee's voice was tremulous, and River turned to get a good look at her. She put the toy back on the console and spun around in the chair. Her feet were tucked under her, and her long hair streamed down in untidy waves. She looked much younger than eighteen, too young to be married off to some stranger.

River placed her hands over her ears and shut her eyes tight as she looked away. "I don't hear you... I'm not listening."

Kaylee could hear footsteps behind her. "I'll tell her. It's my job," Mal said, coming up behind her. "You stay downstairs with Simon."

She wanted to say she couldn't bear it. She wanted to say it wasn't fair, it wasn't right, her heart was bleeding and it was the end of the 'verse and everything had been turned upside down and that was her heart downstairs dying.

Instead, she slipped out of the doorway and went back to the infirmary.

"I suppose you heard us, albatross."

"I'm not listening," River whispered. She looked up at Mal, hands still over her ears. "This is the end of the 'verse as we know it."

Mal sat down in the copilot's seat and took in a deep breath. "Yours is a special case. You're an adult now by law, but the law can also be turned against you. You ain't a hundred percent upstairs, _dong ma?_ And if someone took it in their mind to say so, you can be considered too crazy to handle your own life. I don't cotton to that, but law is law. We slide around it a lot, but this is something you can't slide from. It'll follow you, whatever rock we land on. Your brother and I talked about this a while ago. We didn't think we'd ever need to use it, but we're going to be coming back to Core worlds. And that's something troubling."

River had let her hands fall from her ears. Her expression was troubled. "You haven't a backup?"

Mal shook his head. "Not against that. You can duck it for only so long."

"So now what? You marry me off to the next man you find and tuck me away with the hill folk, never to be seen again?"

"It's not like that," Mal said with a sigh. "Jayne's brother's a teacher. It won't be so bad."

"Projection as such cannot be sure. You cannot say with any accuracy what another would do in any given situation, especially those whose company you haven't kept."

"I don't think you've noticed, albatross, but we don't have much choice. Most of our friends are gone, and there's no where else to go. And if someone takes it in mind to come after you if they see your brother in the hospital, it might be easy to track down our contacts. But there's nothing to tie you to some village in a corner of the Rim."

"She understands," River murmured. "And she wished she did not comprehend."

Mal nodded and stood. "I wish it didn't come to this, albatross, but we all promised to keep you safe. It's the only thing we can think of."

River spun back around to look at the stars. She flipped a few empty switches to look busy, until Mal left her alone. She wanted to think. There had to be a way to think around this situation. She was a genius. She understood things on a level others couldn't comprehend. But the thoughts of the others were too crowded, too spiked and painful.

"It ain't that bad," Jayne murmured from the doorway. "Not to cry over."

River hadn't been aware of her own tears, and brushed them away with the backs of her hands. "He sleeps, but he knows there is pain beneath the clouds."

Jayne nodded, letting her words slide over him. It was only natural to worry over marryin' somebody you never met, especially if you were brainsick and unhinged. "It ain't that bad there in Beylix. It's not my kind of place no more, but you might like it just fine. Beylix ain't some fancy Core world, but it ain't bad. And my brother should treat you right. My Ma raised us up to be proper to women."

She frowned slightly, her eyes still focused somewhere off to the side of Jayne. "I don't like the situation forcing my hand. Serenity was to give me options, to give me space to think."

He was nodding again. "It won't be so much different on the homestead, but at least you'll think your own thoughts."

River spun around in the seat and faced Jayne. Her eyes snapped to his, and he found himself almost backing up a step. He had been lulled by her quiet, thinking she was ordinary somehow now. But no amount of meds or smoothers would make her ordinary or normal, and he almost thought she would cut him with a knife again. He'd left her alone, he'd given her the space she seemed to need, and he hadn't come too close. He knew better than to trade her in for cash now; it was one thing if she was just some strange runaway, another if she had been a little girl cut up without her consent. That sort of thing just didn't sit well with him.

River's gaze was sharp and piercing, but it was the only kind of cut she was giving him. "Why offer me comfort? Why explain?"

"It weren't your fault, really," Jayne said with a shrug. "Even before you was cleared, something wasn't right. And I figger you shouldn't be sufferin' for what was done to you."

"It's kind of you."

Jayne's face darkened, and River mentally shied away from the roiling thoughts simmering beneath the surface of his mind. "I ain't kind, _chun._ Don't go thinkin' I am."

River watched him head down to the cargo bay. He would lift weights to work off the aggression, she knew. At least a hundred curls an arm, past the burn of muscle use. He didn't like to think, he didn't like to feel, he didn't like to remember. It was easier not to be, easier to push it all away and live in the moment. It was easier to live from second to second, reacting to everything as it came. There was no such thing as long term planning; plans had a tendency of failing and breaking your heart to tiny little pieces.

River felt the tears on her face again, scalding hot against her skin. She had done the same thing in the days after Miranda. It was easier to avoid the pain, to try and stay awake late at night when the others' thoughts were muted. It was easier to push it away, locked in another layer of psychosis for Simon to drug away. It was easier not to feel, because then she would have to process it all anew and be fragile again. She had only just gotten back a sense of equilibrium, and wasn't so interested in losing it.

She watched the play of shadows from waving fingers over the console. Seconds passed, the view changed. Shadows were not shadows, but ghosts. Spirits of others that had touched the ship, others that had been in this seat. _"I could call this home."_

She spun around and jumped out of the pilot's seat in one fluid motion. No. It was easier not to feel. It was easier not to remember. It hurt less, it made her appear more in control of herself and not as lost as before. The others trusted her again, believed her to be in charge of her own body and not as susceptible to outside influences.

_Do you really think you can trust her there?_ Zoe had asked. Not in meanness, not really, not personally. She resented the easy replacement of her dead husband, resented that he was so willingly pushed aside for someone that had seemed so unstable.

_We're all she's got now,_ Mal had replied. _This is her home now, we're her family. We don't give out on family. She's old enough to learn a trade and do something for the boat. She's saved us once, Zoe. I aim on returning the favor._

_Think she can keep it together enough to fly us straight? Or do you think she would crash us into the ground?_

"No," River whispered into the cockpit. She was alone here, no ghosts, no memories left trapped on surfaces to be picked up by the resident Reader. No, this wasn't happening, it wasn't real, she was in control. Her doses were lower now, she didn't need as much medication to stay in control of herself. Her thoughts were in order. They were clear now, less muddy and fractioned, less multidirectional. They flowed, they didn't tumble. She knew how it was here.

Beylix would be new, and it would be strange. And she would be alone, just as she had been before Simon had rescued her. It had always been her and Simon, together against the rest of the 'verse. She had never been truly alone before.

But she was crazy now. The entire 'verse thought she was dangerous, psychotic and meant to be locked up in some Academy experiment. She wasn't safe unless she was locked away somewhere, whether under testing or under ties of marriage. She couldn't be trusted, she couldn't be left loose to wreak havoc on unsuspecting worlds.

The tears flowed fast and loose, tracking rivers down her face. _"Duìbùqi, wo búshì gùyì de,"_ she murmured to the empty cockpit.

The ghosts weren't listening anymore.

***  
***


	2. Getting There Is Half The Fun

_"Nimen dou bizui!"_

The room fell silent at Mal's shout. "That's better," he added with a nod. "Now, the _moment_ she comes back with them flowers, she an' Jayne are bound for transport to Beylix. We go to the Core and get some official medicine. Ain't nothing we done to be ashamed of as far as the Core's concerned. It wasn't an Alliance office, they don't need to know. Don't act ashamed, and they won't see something to worry for."

"Can I go with him?" Kaylee asked timidly. "If something happens... I need to be there."

Mal and Zoe exchanged a look, but Mal nodded. "You spend whatever time you have with him. Having someone by his side should help with the healing, too. We'll drum up some business, keep our official shine on."

"Let him know I wanted to be there," River said softly from the doorway. Her fingers were stained purple, but her hands were empty and hanging loosely at her sides.

"Didja... find them?" Kaylee asked, hope shining in her eyes.

River nodded wordlessly. Her eyes skipped across the table to Jayne, and she seemed more than ever like a little girl lost than a scary loony killer. "Guess it's time to go, then."

"Getting there is half the fun," Kaylee offered with a watery smile. "You take care. And we'll see you soon. We'll get Simon fixed up nice and shiny."

"One thing we gotta do before you leave," Zoe said, turning in her chair. Everything she did now was slow, full of somber grace. She seemed brighter before Miranda somehow, as though everything around her had taken on the ashen patina of grief. Zoe beckoned for River to approach the table, and she did so reluctantly. "Sit."

River sat, and watched as Zoe demanded Jayne's knife. He handed it over, confused, and Zoe turned to River. She took River's hair in her left hand and brought the knife across the gathered strands. The girl flinched as the knife sawed across the ends.

"Oh River..." Kaylee breathed, hands over her mouth.

River felt something break inside her chest. Nothing to hide behind now, nothing different. She could hear Kaylee – _such pretty eyes and pretty hair, braid it up and keep it for Simon, so he has something of her with him_ – and felt so small and tired. She wasn't the same now, the weight was less on her head. Maybe her thoughts wouldn't feel the weight of her missing hair, or maybe they would miss the keratin.

"Wash your hands and change," Zoe said. She handed the knife to Jayne and would have thrown the hair away if Kaylee hadn't protested. "You gotta look different now."

River slunk from the kitchen without a word, and Jayne almost felt sorry for her. He pushed it away and looked up at Zoe as he put away his knife. "You gonna be all right?"

"I ain't dead yet, if that's what you're askin'."

"It ain't."

Zoe looked over at him, surprised but hardly showing it. "Why Jayne... do you actually care about someone 'sides yourself?" He muttered under his breath as he shook his head, and moved past her to leave the kitchen. Zoe caught his arm lightly. "I ain't broke. It'll heal."

Jayne nodded and grunted. Feelings were for wusses to talk about, but he still had them somewhere down deep. He respected Zoe, and knew how much Wash's death had hurt her. She had only just stopped walking around the ship like a dead thing on feet. "I gave Mal directions to the homestead. Come on by when it's all done."

"Will do. Make sure nothing happens and she gets hitched up good."

Jayne nodded again, then headed for the cargo bay. He had packed up a few of his meager belongings into a pack. River didn't have much, so all of her belongings were tucked up into a bag not much bigger than his own. He pushed aside the pang of pity he felt for her, and led her out of the cargo bay and into the busy trade town.

A few minutes later, Mal's voice came over the intercom. "Buckle up. We're heading for Ariel."

***

It had been an incredibly long day at St. Lucy's, and it was bound to be a long night. There had been the near-riot down at the megaplex, with the knife wounds and the bullet wounds. Harriet Conover was set for the night, with all of the trauma patients sent to the trauma service and the broken bones sent to ortho. Now she just had the usual ER emergencies. She could always send her junior to handle the silly problems that triage sent through, but her junior resident was frazzled looking and it seemed as though he were overwhelmed. "John, you all right over there?" she called out from the computer she was using to check lab results.

He gave her a grateful look and loped over to her side. "Mrs. Carrington is absolutely insisting her splinter is a stab wound. Harry, how do I _do_ this?"

Harriet laughed, patting his arm. "Well, Doctor Liu, I would imagine you could figure something out. She's here every week, after all."

John Liu was about to say something else when there was a crash and screaming in triage. They didn't even spare each other a glance before running down the short hall to the glassed-in triage area. "He ain't gonna make it if you don't see him!" a young girl was screeching.

Harriet stepped up to the girl as the glass doors hissed open to let her into triage. The girl looked to be in her early twenties, with messy brown hair and warm brown eyes set in a round face that was pinched with worry. She was dressed in dirty coveralls and kept glancing at the pale young man lying on the stretcher beside her. The man was pale, with brown hair. He was dressed in faded suit pants and a white button down shirt. His breathing was labored, and there was a faint purple tinge to his lips that seemed to be some sort of stain rather than cyanosis. Every limb seemed to be tightened and contracted; if Harriet didn't know any better, she would have thought it was tetanus.

"I'm Doctor Conover. You are?"

The girl blinked. "Kaylee," she said meekly. "I didn't mean to kick up no fuss, doctor. But Simon here, he's been poisoned."

"Poisoned?" Harriet repeated, voice arch. "And how..."

Kaylee twisted her hands together. "He was breaking up a fight, an' didn't see the needle some _hundan_ had until it was too late. We got him to eat some flowers he said could slow down the poison some..."

Harriet's eyebrows were creeping up into her brow line. She looked over at her junior, but John seemed to be about as confused as she was. Harriet looked over at the triage nurse. "I'll take him back. Continue as you were."

She and John pushed the stretcher themselves. Kaylee followed, looking rather like a lost puppy with her large brown eyes full of tears. "He said he'd drown in blood, the poison's eating up at his nerves something awful."

Harriet and John exchanged a look. "Porterin. We'll need loracan."

"We should draw up bloods for labs," John added with a nod. "At least the tox screen will tell us how much we need to neutralize."

Kaylee kept her hands clasped in front of her face as she watched John run around doing whatever he needed to do. She was grateful the doctors hadn't chased her off yet. Their words ran over her head, much as her mechanic talk washed over everyone else's. It didn't make sense to her. The beeps and sounds of the ER made every phrase come into her mind in a staccato rhythm; getting a line in, the patient's acidotic, the pulmonary congestion was actually blood from membrane breakdown, he was dangerously anemic, cryoglobulins and immunoglobulins were precipitating and causing ARF, normal saline bolus, loracan bolus stat!

Harriet remembered the poor girl in the corner of the exam room as she was checking on the second transfused pint. She had stood so still, with tears in her eyes, watching everything without understanding a thing. Her name started with a K. Kay-something?

"Er... I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."

"S'okay," the girl said with a watery smile. "He's more important 'n me right now."

"We've got him more or less stable now. He's on the loracan drip, and we've got him on the tele monitors right now. He's ready to be transferred up to Tele to monitor overnight."

"Oh."

Her face was still very blank, and Harriet sighed. She rubbed at her face. "It's been a long night."

The girl smiled. "That I understand, doc."

"It was really close, when you brought him in. The poison is called porterin, and it's a pretty dangerous one. It's easy to make, but the antidote isn't. It binds to the myelin sheath..." Harriet stopped when the girl's face seemed to go blank again. She would have to break it down into even simpler terms for her. "It destroys the nerves. But your blood's not supposed to have all that gunk up in it."

"Oh! That's why you got machines to clean it out!"

The girl was perceptive, Harriet had to give her that. "Exactly. It's a dialysis machine. It did its best to filter out the proteins, but the poison doesn't get caught up in our filters. So we have the antidote in that drip there to counteract the poison. It was bad enough to start in on his kidneys, but the damage isn't permanent. It'll take some time for the blood that collected in his lungs to clear out, but the worst of it is over."

She smiled, and it transformed the girl's entire face. "I'm so glad, doctor. I knew this was the best hospital in the 'verse."

Harriet smiled. "We like to think so, too. We've got him admitted to the hospital on a monitored bed, so that we can keep a close eye on him."

The girl smiled. "Thanks so much, doc. Is it all right if I stay with him?"

To be perfectly honest, Harriet was too tired to argue. "Sure. I'll let the nurse know. They'll want to get a full history on your husband when you get up to the unit."

Kaylee sputtered as the doctor left the little room. Husband?

She went over to Simon's bedside and stroked his face gently. She made sure she avoided accidentally tugging on any of the tubes or wires. "Hey _bao bei,_ hear that? We're already married." Kaylee gave a short, hysterical laugh before the tears overwhelmed her. "Oh Simon, why don't it ever go easy for us?"

Outside Bed 2, John Liu called over Harriet. "Harry, you need to see this."

Harriet rubbed her eyes. In between Simon Tam in Bed 2, there was an acute MI, a rapidly decompensating COPD'er, a hyperosmolar diabetic with a fingerstick of almost 500 and what looked like an ischemic stroke that the Neuro service couldn't take since they were already on overflow status. Nights like these...

"What am I looking at?"

"Our patient in Bed 2 has an Alliance alert," John said in a hushed voice. "It's old and canceled, but I don't recognize the ident code on the cancel order."

Harriet looked over the alert on the screen. Doctor Simon Gregory Tam of Osiris, wanted for kidnapping and theft, considered not armed but still dangerous. Not to be approached, wanted alive and unharmed by the Alliance Control Services; order canceled by Operative 12 nearly a month ago, reason unspecified. He was the son of Gabriel and Regan Tam of Osiris, brother to River Jade Tam, also a fugitive with revoked status as of one month ago. There were vital stats, physical descriptors and the photo that matched her Simon in Bed 2 to a T. No wonder he knew what he had been poisoned with.

_Aiya,_ she didn't need a headache like this.

"Go write up the note. I'll take care of this."

"What does it mean?"

"Likely something we don't want to stick our noses in," Harriet said with a sigh. It stank of government corruption and coverup; the horrific reveal of a dead colony had also been one month ago, and the dates matched. _"Shensheng de gaowan,"_ she muttered under her breath. She ignored John's worried look. "Just go do the note, and I'll cosign when you're done. I'm going to have to call the Tams and inform them of this."

"What for?"

Harriet pointed to a line on the alert. "They filed a missing persons report that was never rescinded. They'll want to know he's been found." She rubbed at her eyes. _"Ta ma de,_ what time is it going to be on Osiris?"

John grinned at Harriet in amusement. "You're absolute grace under pressure, Harry. You'll do fine." He patted her arm, just as she had done for him hours before. She shot him a weary smile and leaned back in the chair as he grinned at her. "You're a hell of a senior, Harry. You'll be a great chief next year."

"Think so, do you?"

"Sure!" He waggled his eyebrows playfully at her. "Keep it in mind next year when you do up my call schedule."

Harriet laughed, just as John had meant her to. _"Chin wo de pigu,"_ she laughed.

"Just say when and where." John mock saluted. "Yes sir, chief, sir!"

Shaking her head, Harriet called up Gabriel Tam's information on the Cortex. "Go!" She waved him off toward Bed 6. "Our COPD'er will bottom out and crash on you if you don't keep an eye on his pulse ox. You've got to learn how to juggle all of your patients' issues if you want to get past first year!"

John jogged over to Bed 6 and ducked inside. Harriet smiled at his back fondly. Once upon a time she had been excited to be an ER doctor. Ah, to be a first year again, fresh from Medacad with all illusions still intact.

Stupid _xi niu_ bureaucrats.

Harriet dialed the wave number, preparing for the worst.

***

River and Jayne had found a cheap transport that asked no questions and didn't look at them too closely. That was fine enough. Jayne tossed them the credits and led River to the passenger bunk they would share for the next three days. She kept fingering her short hair with its ragged ends, looking as though she were about to fall over. "Hey Crazy, you sleep first shift."

She turned her watery eyes toward Jayne and nodded. _"Xie xie,"_ she murmured.

River placed her pack on the floor next to one of the beds and curled up on top of it. She reminded Jayne of a cat, tucking itself into a tight ball to keep warm and make itself a smaller target. He pulled the extra blanket off of the overhead shelf and threw it over her form. "You rest up, I'll get the lay o' the land. I'll come back with recon."

River pulled her blanket up over her head. She was Shuang Jiang for the trip, though she didn't feel bright, clear or openhearted. At least the surname meant "from the river." She shut her eyes up tight and tried to ignore the voices of the other crew members. She could feel the thread of Jayne's consciousness as he observed the workings of the ship. It was familiar and comforting. His thoughts were clear and simple. He wanted and needed very little; he had already learned a long time ago not to want anything. Wanting usually caused problems. Problems that couldn't be solved or wanting something he couldn't have only made him feel helpless. That was never a good feeling for him. Wherever there was a problem, he either shot it or walked away. Problem solved, no more wanting.

River wished she could be the same way, simple and linear. But no, she was curves. Maybe she could turn into something curvilinear, but she wasn't quite there yet. Maybe she would never be, maybe it was just something too much to hope for.

_Make me a stone,_ she had said once. _Make me not feel..._

River felt wetness coalesce along her lashes and leak out of her closed eyes. Not quite tears, not quite crying. This was the weakness that was girl. She felt reined in, closed in and cocooned up tight. She wasn't allowed to grow, there wasn't enough sun.

Some time later, hovering between sleeping and waking, dreaming and feeling, River felt Jayne creep back into the room. "Thinking clear," she heard herself say in a hoarse whisper. No, it wasn't quite right, not if she were talking about herself. But she might have been talking about Jayne, the familiar rock of thoughts amongst the waves of strangeness all around her.

"Didn't mean to wake ya," Jayne said, taking off his boots. "Time to sleep."

"No sun," River murmured, curling herself into a tighter ball. "No place to grow."

"Go to sleep, Crazy," Jayne muttered, not wanting to puzzle out the sense from the strangeness.

"They're different," she whispered. "The thoughts... it's crowded, it presses in and the girl is going to drown in it all."

Jayne looked at the girl tucked into the blanket as though she were trying to make herself a tiny little ball. "Huh. You hear them out there?"

"Always. The girl can't ever not hear, just the attention shifts from place to place. Innocence long since lost, the knowledge creeps in with the feelings."

Jayne settled into his bunk across from hers. "They ain't bad folk. It's a good boat we got on. No need to worry 'bout them none."

"Strange thoughts. Like nothing at all, then clouds flit in across the screens. This girl remembers the sundry sounds of words, but the phonemes don't seem to fit into coherent words."

She looked worried and confused, and Jayne couldn't blame her any for that one. He was perfectly confused now as well. "They're just simple folk. They don't talk with big words like that, they don't worry none about it."

"What's it going to be like there?"

Jayne was baffled by the abrupt shift in topic. "What? Where? Downstairs?"

"In Jayne's hometown. In Jayne's boy home."

He looked into her bright, wide eyes, and it suddenly clicked. She was afraid. It was something unknown and scary, something she didn't know how to react to. River previously had her brother, then the Academy cutting into her brain and testing who knew what _go se_ on her. It made her cracked and dangerous, and didn't teach her how to deal with real people.

"You wanna know 'bout Beylix?" She nodded gratefully. "Never hear of it afore?"

She shook her head. "Junk shops and scrap yards that export to Osiris; this is the extent of all knowledge on that world."

"Well, that's the whole of it, I'd say. Ain't much to do planetside. I couldn't wait to get the hell of that rock as soon as I could."

Something rang almost false in the statement, but River didn't pick at it. That wasn't polite, and should be avoided whenever possible. Simon had drilled her endlessly on the proper way to behave on the ship, and Reading wasn't considered polite. Everyone needed to have the right to privacy within their own minds, even if they only wound up lying to themselves.

"Was it a bad place for a boy?" River asked timidly.

Jayne shook his head, then grinned. "Naw. Not for the likes o' me, anyhow." Jayne tucked his hands behind his head and looked up at the bunk's ceiling. It was rather drab looking, and almost reminded him of home. The walls looked like they had once been plain white paint, but now was some off-color gray. Even the dark flooring had faded to gray with time. "Think of it like this room. Plain, functional, ain't too pretty, but it did the job."

"Can you paint a picture for me in words?"

Jayne almost laughed at her. What a silly way to ask him to describe something. "Beylix is somewhere between a dustball and someplace greener than it's got a right to be. It's fairly dry all year round, but some places got better water and people put the effort in to make a farm do well on there. But most places just take to junk yards, scrap piles and shipyards. There's one iron mine on the planet, nearish the dock. My Pa worked there, diggin' out stuff for the yards. And I started workin' in a junk yard when school didn't work out well."

Something sad and painful flashed in his mind when he thought of the junk yard, and River made an effort not to recoil from it. "Was it a difficult place?"

"Naw. Work was easy, pay weren't too bad. But it's easier to shoot and do what I do best, _dong ma?_ After a while, workin' there wears on a man. A body can't sit still for too long in a place like that. Your mind gets an itch, you want to see something other than dust or metal all damn day long."

"Is Jayne's kin living?" River asked, voice small.

Jayne looked away from the ceiling and looked over at River peeping at him from under the edge of the blanket. He'd seen it before, and nearly smiled at her in the memory. "My Ma's still there, and Mattie, o' course. Some uncles and cousins and extended kin." Jayne shook his head and looked away. "But Pa died of rot some years back from the mines. And well... some just don't last long out there."

River had caught a flash of bright blue eyes, long brown hair and a teasing grin. _Jayne... you promised you'd make me a sled out o' lost metals..._

River blinked, and the girl was gone. "No sisters? Just you and one brother?"

Jayne's jaw clenched. "You best be sleepin' now. Get your brain in order or somethin'."

"Brains cannot be ordered and lined up when the internal order has been scattered and reset into something different and strange."

He sighed. Just because most people didn't understand most of what came out of her mouth didn't make it pure crazy talk. He knew he wasn't the brightest in the 'verse, and it never hurt him any to say so. Owning up to faults was just keeping things clear, so you could move on. River knew she wasn't quite right in the head, knew the Academy was at fault. She also knew she didn't make sense all the time when she talked, but just because other people couldn't understand it didn't mean it was total nonsense.

Jayne wondered if it made him just as crazy if he was understanding her just fine. Well, most of the time, when she was using the little words.

"Listen. Doc said you were better, and your meds is stable. So you sleep now, and I'll give you the meds in the mornin' when you wake up."

"What if I don't wake?" River asked, her voice small. "What if my skin can't hold me together?"

He groaned and turned over onto his side to face her. "I said I'd get you to my family in one piece and you'll get there just fine. I aim to keep that promise, an' I'm good at what I do. Mal wouldn't have hired me on if I weren't."

River nodded tentatively. "What if there are more secrets?" she whispered. "Simon's not here."

"Well, keep 'em to your _gorram_ self and don't go killin' nobody and we'll be just fine." He rolled over onto his other side, his back to her. "Now sleep."

River shut her eyes and burrowed deeper into the nest of warmth beneath the blanket. He didn't like to admit that he was human. He wanted to think he was stone, he was metal, he was bent and misshapen and lost. He kept a shell around him to ward away the others he would meet.

She needed to learn the technique, relearn how to have distance between people. Losing one secret had given her a tenuous hold on space and distance. Simon had asked her not to force anything else out, not when she was doing so much better, not when internal and external reality were finally starting to agree. It didn't seem to be so terribly important most of the time, but it made Simon happy and it made the others seem calmer. She had just gotten the feel of the ship beneath her palms, had just made sense of the others' twisting emotions. Grief and hope and loss and love, all tangled together and tangible, senseless and nonsensical.

Except for the rock over there, dropping down into sleep. The rock had been steady, the shell hadn't broken. He was torn, he was moved, but the mask had remained in place.

River let her eyes drift shut, let her thoughts wander and meander. Time enough to learn later.

***

_"Jayne, you promised!"_

Jayne turned around, freshly nineteen but already an old timer at Hunter's Junk Shop. He'd been going on six years working there at that point. He knew enough to change up money, tally up the inventory and do the simple math to keep the office going. Old Man Jacob Hunter only had Jayne, Forrest Yao and Shian Yang as regular staff; his son Jeremy was usually skirt chasing rather than lead chasing. Jeremy thought he was hot stuff, turning the heads in town and getting his pick of any girl before tossing her aside.

"Now, I told you, Tina. I ain't seen 'im all week."

Christina Cobb pouted at her older brother, and flashed him her patented innocent grin. She flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder for good measure. "Just let 'im know I heard he was lookin' for me."

"An' I still say yer too young anyhow."

"Missy Carter's already set to be married."

"Missy Carter's also preggers, and I don' want to hafta think o' you that way."

Christina laughed and threw her arms around Jayne's neck. "Aw... you're such a silly boy. As if Ma or Pa would let that happen. I'm too young for that now, anyhow. Don't you worry none, though. I'm goin' places."

"Well, not afore tellin' your elders. And that includes me."

Laughing, Christina danced away from Jayne. "You remember your promise to me, Jayne! I'mma holdin' ya to it!"

Jayne woke in an instant, unable to breathe. He could almost hear music drifting through his mind, could almost hear a young girl's laughter. He hadn't thought of Christina in years, and his heart constricted painfully in chest. _No, I didn't keep my promise,_ he thought, still unsure what the hell had happened. Why would he be thinking of her now?

He looked over at the other bed in the room. River was curled up under the blanket, a dark lump that breathed deeply with sleep. Jayne was convinced it was her fault, though he knew it was very irrational to be blaming his dream on a sleeping girl. She hadn't said anything. She wasn't singing or dancing or laughing or being crazy. She was doing exactly what he had told her to do, and she was keeping out of trouble.

All of a sudden, Jayne found himself able to breathe. The pain in his chest seemed to loosen a bit, and he made his breathing match River's. It was slow, methodical, almost like the meditation that Mattie had always been talking about. _It'll help you think,_ Mattie had said, his adoring eyes on his older brother. _Then you can stay in school._

Naw, Mattie. School an' me just don't get along none, Jayne had replied. And then he had left, had never looked back. If he had...

That was crazy thoughts. He was old, too old to be thinking of mistakes he had made when he was young and stupid. There was no going back, no undoing the past. He just had to keep moving and make sure he didn't make it again.

He could keep his promises now. River would get to Beylix, would get herself married. And then she would have new kin and an escape from the Academy nobody could break.

Calmer, Jayne settled back to sleep.

***  
***


	3. Sovereignty

Jayne woke, and for a moment was disoriented. This wasn't his bunk, his guns weren't at his back and there was no steady hum from Serenity's engines. He couldn't place it right away, and he looked around, eyes wild.

River peeked at him from her place on the other bed. Her eyes tracked his movement, and it was all of her that he could see.

Aw, hell. He remembered now.

_"Nĭ de xi-n qíng bù hăo,"_ she murmured.

"O' course I'm in a bad mood. I don't feel so _gorram_ good. What time is it?"

"Just before breakfast. They're making egg protein omelets."

"Better'n protein mash," Jayne muttered. He moved to the adjoining bathroom and washed his face. He stalked over to the door, then turned when he realized that River hadn't moved. "Ain't you goin' down?"

"This girl would want to wash up first," River replied softly. She began to peel back the blanket lying over her, and she did look rather rumpled.

"Okay then. I'll tell 'em you're comin' down."

"It may be a while," River added, sitting up. "Clothes need changing."

"Don't be fussy on my account," Jayne grumbled. "An' I ain't saving nothing for ya."

"Understood."

Jayne shut the compartment door behind him, then headed over to the galley. True enough, egg protein omelets were in the making, and he snagged himself two to eat. The _feng le_ girl hadn't come down when he finished, and he went right back to the room they were sharing. If she was too nutty to eat, that was her business. He wasn't her keeper. Well, all right, he was. But nobody said he had to watch her and make sure that she ate. In fact, it was time for her morning meds, and if they made her nauseous it was just as well she didn't eat anything first.

Jayne slid open the door and stepped into the room. River gasped as he slammed the door shut behind him. Jayne caught a glimpse of way too much girlskin as she whirled around, clutching a dark blue dress to her chest. Her hair hung down in wet waves, and the ends didn't seem to be so ragged today. Her eyes were wide and her lips were parted in surprise. Jayne could see the straps of her thin white bra and the edge of her white cotton panties. The rest of her was partly hidden behind her dress.

"It was time to bathe," she said unnecessarily. "And now it is time to dress."

"Er... yeah. I see that." He pointed at the door behind him. "I'll just... wait outside."

"Wait!" River said as Jayne turned. She reached out for him, dropping an edge of the dress. Jayne caught sight of more girlskin, and the dainty edge of a white lace bra. "They're coming, and they will see when you exit."

Sure enough, as Jayne opened his mouth to reply – _You_ feng le_ girl, who told you to actually shower?_ – he heard the muffled sounds of voices nearby. It was one of the other passengers and one of the crew, talking about his cargo in the hold. They didn't seem to be entering any of the rooms in the passenger dorm, and the crew member seemed to be irritated by the passenger's idiotic questions.

"You gotta get dressed. Ain't right goin' around in your underthings."

"Turn, please," River said, voice shaking. "Please don't see."

Jayne nodded, and turned around. She didn't have all that hair to hide behind anymore. And if anything, it seemed a little wavier now that it was short, as if its weight had straightened it out before. Her hair wasn't too curly, though, nothing that would make her stand out in a crowd. He ignored the rustle of cloth behind him, listening for the voices in the hall.

"She is dressed now," River said after a moment.

Jayne turned, and River was in her dark blue dress, reaching for the black sweater coat that Inara had given her just before she left for a client. It was long enough to cover her bare legs, but the dress dipped low in the front and kept her arms bare. She slipped on the sweater coat and tied it shut, covering herself up completely. He nodded his approval. "Don't be showin' 'em nothing out there, _dong ma?_ They ain't respectable folk."

"No, but they are sovereign, and do not require to be ushered into matrimony to keep their fates their own." River looked at him wistfully. "That is to be lucky."

Shaking his head, he crossed over to the pack that Simon had told him to take with them. "I got yer meds right here. That's _your_ luck."

Making a face, River sat down on her bed and obediently held out her arm. Jayne tied it off and prepared the solution the way Simon had told him. "I think I got it right."

"You are not completely unintelligent," River murmured, watching him swab off the crook of her arm. "You take direction nicely."

"You still talk funny," Jayne muttered. He slid the needle into her arm and watched the fluid go into her bloodstream. Then he withdrew it, pressing down with a piece of gauze. "Suppose it's less funny now than before."

River watched him cap the needle carefully and place everything back into the metal case. "Reality agrees with me now. Or I agree with reality. Whichever is which. I'm building boundaries."

"Humph. Don't see how. Ain't got no privacy here."

"In my mind," River said simply, looking up at Jayne. "I have to get used to being alone in there."

He looked at her for a long moment, really looked, then nodded. "I suppose you do. Now git. See if they got something left to eat."

"The day has only begun," River said softly. "Two more until Beylix."

"It'll be okay," Jayne said impulsively as River moved to the doorway. "They're good folk."

She smiled at him faintly. "They must. They produced you to deliver me."

Jayne watched her leave for breakfast. After a moment, he decided that the girl had complimented him, and it was just in her fancy talk. Silly girl. He wasn't good folk, though his kin were. He was the bad one, he was the one without a soul.

But she was just crazy, and she couldn't see that.

_You offered up Mattie,_ he told himself. _You offered up your own family, when hers weren't no good to trust._

She kept on thinking he would be good, and he kept on thinking he wouldn't be.

***

Gabriel Tam had not enjoyed being woken at four thirty-three in the morning by some idiot emergency room doctor on Ariel. He hadn't vacationed on that world in years, and hadn't done any recent business there. There was no need for someone to be calling him at some godforsaken hour, and especially not some hospital.

But Doctor Conover began speaking in clipped tones about a young man fitting the profile of his missing son Simon. He was in her emergency room, and he was being admitted to telemetry for monitoring. Due to the missing persons alert on his file, she had called him. Otherwise, Doctor Conover would have been very glad not to contact Osiris.

_"Tain xiode,"_ he murmured as he ended the wave.

Regan had been lying next to him in bed when the wave arrived, and now she looked at him expectantly. "You said were going to discontinue that report. You said he was disinherited, that we had lost both of our children."

Gabriel had always been proper, had always been respectful. He had treated his wife well, had been proud of his children's accomplishments and proud of his station in life. He had been looking forward to reaping the rewards in his old age, to see grandchildren in his estate and the family investments growing and leaving prosperous returns. Instead, he had a fugitives for children, a labile schizophrenic daughter and a wayward contrarious son. Oh, they weren't called fugitives anymore, but Gabriel had no illusions about that anymore. They would be shunned from society, and the doors to family alliances would be shut. They weren't proper children, they weren't anything to be proud of any longer.

Regan looked at her husband with tired, frightened eyes. She wasn't completely blind, and knew that there had been odd things happening. But River was doing well, she was just homesick, she missed having things easy. Simon was stressed from residency, from fellowship, from being the youngest attending on the floor. Excuses piled up, and they were so much easier to see. Gabriel hadn't wanted to accept anything less.

But she wondered. She would always wonder.

"I have business to attend to. Stay here, and I'll be back as soon as I can."

"What is it?" Regan asked, voice shrill. "What's happened?"

"I don't know," Gabriel said heavily. "But I'll find out and put a stop to it, one way or another."

The trip to Ariel was uneventful; the shuttle ride was common and monotonous, the other commuters were petty and of lesser caliber. He strode into the capital city dock and hired direct transport to St. Lucy's. Gabriel hadn't been to the capital in quite some time; his accountant and financial planners did the actual work on Ariel.

He demanded the whereabouts of Simon Tam from the information desk, and they directed him to the Telemetry unit. He was in room 17, toward the back of the room.

The back of the room. A Tam should have had the best. Anger rankled at him; Simon had found yet another way to be disappointing.

When Gabriel got to room 17, the front bed was empty. There was a curtain pulled out, giving the rear occupants some privacy. A woman's voice was singing softly, some off-key song about flowers or some sort of other idiocy. He strode into the room and yanked back the curtain with a snap, startling the girl at the bedside.

She was roundfaced, with brown hair and brown eyes. She looked pleasant and young, and was dressed in ordinary, well-worn clothes stained with dirt and grease. She looked inherently common, inherently unsuitable.

"Who are you?" he asked haughtily. He couldn't bear look at the still form of his son lying in the bed. He could see wires and tubing out of the corner of his eye, knew that Telemetry meant his son was _this close_ to an ICU bed.

She smiled at him. "Kaywinnet Lee Frye," she chirped, holding out her hand to shake. "You can call me Kaylee, though. Everyone does."

Gabriel looked at her for a long moment, watching as the smile died and her hand dropped. "I am Gabriel Tam."

She was startled. "Simon's father?" Kaylee looked down at the still form on the bed. "You came to visit? But how'd you know? I didn't ask the doctors to wave you."

He sniffed, his back ramrod straight. "That isn't any of your concern. What is his status?"

Kaylee looked confused. "Status?"

"Well, you _are_ one of the floor nursing aides, aren't you? A student, likely, though most students around here are at least.... clean."

Something dangerous flared in Kaylee's eyes, and she stood up abruptly. "I didn't think you could be any worse than I thought you were, but you just proved me wrong, mister." Gabriel merely lifted an eyebrow at her. "You _left_ them when they needed you, you _disowned_ your own son, and you have the nerve to look down on me? I ain't got them fancy threads, but I know what's right. Family sticks together, not kicks their own out to the black."

So this was how he survived. He went slumming. Gabriel knew his lip was curled in distaste as he looked at the girl in front of him. No breeding, no manners. "I'll take this up with your superiors, then," he snapped. "You shouldn't speak of things you know nothing about!"

"Oh, please do explain," Kaylee sneered. "You got your prissy ways and your locked up house, you got your expectations. And you don't give a damn about your children in the way that matters, you couldn't care less that your son is _sick,_ he almost _died,_ and you couldn't give a lick what happened. You don't even care how it happened! Don't you care? Don't you care even a little bit about your own son?"

Gabriel turned. "I will not discuss private matters with you," he said coldly. He looked her up and down. "I don't know why I even mistook you for an aide. You're of no importance."

Furious beyond words, Kaylee resisted the urge to stamp her foot like a child. "Go back to your _zôugôu,_ since that's all you seem to care about. Just wait 'till you get old and bent, when you can't see so good. Just wait, when there should be grandbabies in your empty house. Just wait and see what happens, see where your proper gets you. You ain't no father. I don't see how anyone could mistake you for one." Kaylee looked Gabriel up and down with a sneer on her face, and it was chilling to behold. "Fathers care about their children, and they care that they're safe from hurt. They don't hand them over to be cut up! They don't toss them out in the cold! You look down on me like I'm just dirt. But I know the way family works, I know how a real family is. And don't you talk to me like I'm no good. I'm better'n you in ways it counts. I know how to act with what matters in life, and I know what's truly important. So you go back to your empty house and your empty life and you be good in that. Because you won't ever get your children back, and you won't ever know what's good in life."

Gabriel spun on his heel and left the room, nearly crashing into a tall black woman dressed completely in brown leather. He looked from her to the dark haired surly man beside her and decided it was best to simply leave for now.

Zoe and Mal entered the tiny Telemetry room with drinks and snacks in hand. Kaylee was leaning over Simon, crying, and he was shushing her. "Oh _bao bei,_ I'm so sorry you had to see that. I didn't want you to know him..."

"Oh, he's just so _terrible!"_ Kaylee looked up, and saw Mal and Zoe. "Cap'n! Zoe! That awful man just now! That was Simon's father!"

Mal looked at Kaylee's upset face and looked at Simon's set jaw. "Well now, why don't we all sit a spell and jaw on it a bit? I'm sure it can't be that bad."

"It is," Simon said simply. "He never even looked at me, never bothered to see if I was awake."

Mal could hear the raw pain in Simon's voice, the undisguised hurt that he had never allowed anyone to see before. He pulled up a seat for himself and Zoe did likewise. "And what should we do about this predicament?"

"I don't know," Simon murmured.

"Any better since you came in?" Zoe asked, switching topics.

Simon seized on it gratefully. "I'm alive. That's a start."

"Always good to be thinkin' positive," Mal said with a nod.

"I can breathe, so I suppose the blood is beginning to consolidate. But I can't feel anything below my chest, and I can barely make my hands move."

Kaylee squeezed his hand tight. "They got good doctors here, Simon. I was talkin' with your doctor here, a different lady than the one downstairs. She said they imaged you, and the damage ain't quite so bad. You should be able to do okay. She said there's prob'ly lots of therapy and learnin' how to walk again if it takes a while, but she thinks there should be improvement. She said she's givin' meds to help the nerves heal."

Simon closed his eyes. He could imagine everything she's just said. He'd done his medicine rotations after all. He knew what the Telemetry resident would have said. He knew what his chances for recovery were. He knew everything.

And it hurt. It rankled in all sorts of ways he couldn't even begin to express.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, opening his eyes. "I'm sorry I put you all through this. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough."

Mal shook his head in denial as Zoe caught Simon's other hand. "You're family now," Zoe said with a quiet fierceness. "We don't cut out on family. We don't leave nobody behind, we don't let nobody suffer."

He took in the three of them, clustered around him. He had broken his leg as a child, falling from the balcony when leaning too far over while horsing around with River. He had been showing off, since just that morning his dance instructor had declared him the most graceful young man it was his privilege to teach. His father had looked in on him once in the hospital on Osiris, face stony. "I had expected better," Gabriel had said. "You were supposed to be balanced and graceful. Or is that just your sister?"

Simon smiled at them all gratefully, and wished he could squeeze their hands back. "Thank you," he whispered, voice hoarse with unshed tears. "Thank you."

***

River was watching the stars go past the windows of the observation deck. Some of the other passengers were doing so as well, but they had sensed that the girl wanted to be alone. The crew had been told that she had been away at school when her grandmother died, and now she had to return to Beylix for the funeral. She dressed in dark colors, constantly looked down and seemed to be on the verge of tears at any given moment. The others didn't want to intrude on her grief, and gave her respectful space.

Her guide and bodyguard paced the ship often, and tended to keep the girl within his sights. He looked as though he liked smashing heads together, which gave the girl added protection. None of the crew or passengers would try anything less than wholesome with Jayne around as a hulking grim shadow.

"They're not really moving," she whispered, her eyes tracking various stars until she lost sight of them. "It's only a matter of perspective."

"Shuang?" one of the other passengers asked nervously. His eyes slid toward Jayne, who was using his hunting knife to cut an apple into slices at the table of the observation deck. River didn't respond right away, not until the third call.

"Oh. You're calling me," she murmured, turning around from where she was precariously perched on a chair. Her face was mere inches from the thick glass of the window.

"Mayhap you should get down from there?" the man asked.

"Yes. I can't see all of the stars anyway."

River climbed down, as graceful as ever. Jayne watched her from the corner of his eye as she settled comfortably at the next table, where she had left her pad of sketches and her colored pencils. She continued on a sketch she had begun that morning, an older woman with a vague Asian cast to her features. "Your grandmother?" the man asked.

River nodded solemnly. "My mother's mother. She was eighty-seven when she died."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"She was old, and lived a long time. I like to think she lived well."

Jayne was very silently surprised at how lucid she was being, and munched on an apple slice absently. He was terribly bored, with nothing much to do. Luckily, it wasn't that far out from Beylix, and he could be terribly bored on his own terms.

The nameless passenger wandered away, leaving River to her sketching. When they were alone, Jayne moved over to the next table and sat down beside her. "It's a good picture."

"It really is my grandmother. She really did die at age eighty-seven. But it was years before I was born. I never knew her."

"Sorry ta hear that," Jayne muttered. "Apple?"

"No thank you. I'm not very hungry."

"Ya didn't eat much today."

"I'm not very hungry." River put down the gray pencil she had been using to color in her grandmother's hair. "I'm a little tired. My head hurts." She carefully lined up her pencils in their case, and shut it. "It's very difficult keeping this girl separate."

"Lemme bring you back to the room, then."

"The others won't touch me. They only look and wonder, and think they know."

"Ain't gonna let you come to no harm, little girl," Jayne growled. "So you best just let me do the job they asked of me."

River sighed as she nodded. "All right. No trouble for you."

He waited until she put everything back together neatly into one pile and scooped it up. She wobbled a bit on her feet, and Jayne frowned. "Tomorrow, you're eating. Even if you ain't hungry. _Dong ma?"_

"All right," she murmured, sounding fairly tired.

He watched her move carefully though the halls to the passenger dorms, watched her open their door and carefully set her things aside. Her movements were graceful and precise, the dancer that turned every motion into a dance. He could see how she could have fought an entire bar of thugs without breaking a sweat. He could imagine her fighting a room full of Reavers. It must have beautiful, that same grace pitting the forces of her enemies against each other.

Jayne had always admired good fighting skills, and had always been the first to admit that as much as he enjoyed fighting, he had no grace in it. He never needed to be.

"If they had gotten to the girl, they would have studied her," River murmured, falling down onto the bed. Jayne was startled, and looked up from taking off his boots. "They would have pulled apart the bits of brain that held fast, they would have studied what made her tick. Tick tock, cuckoo clock, running out of time."

"Shut it," Jayne hissed, a boot coming off with a snap.

"It's the truth, Jayne," River said simply, facing the wall away from him. "That is precisely what would have happened if they got us, if Ariel was successful. Five fathoms deep my father lies, this is coral that were his eyes. Here my heart lies bleeding, here my mind lies broken."

"Ain't nothing more to break."

"But of course there is. Otherwise, why save what is left?"

River shifted slightly on the bed, kicking off the combat boots she had never tied properly. Her feet were bare, and the movement had hiked up her skirt. Jayne could see bare skin all the way up to the backs of her thighs, and it made him mighty uncomfortable. "Wash up for bed," he growled. "Then go to sleep if'n you're so tired."

She didn't move for a moment, then she slowly pushed herself up to her hands and knees. "I am a child, yet not a child. This girl doesn't know where or when to begin." Her foot slid off the bed and connected with the floor. "Her heart is breaking. There is no life beyond the confines of the maelstrom, no thinking beyond the edges of reason."

"Just wash up and sleep. You were better in the morning. You'll be better tomorrow."

Her eyes slid over to his as she stood, and he couldn't remember anyone looking so bleak. "No, I won't be. I won't be that well, I can't be. I lose the thread and fall apart. The ghosts come in and then I'm no longer myself."

Jayne sighed. "Wash up an' sleep. I'll wash up after ya."

She padded into the bathroom silently and obediently. To be perfectly honest, Jayne preferred the frankly psychotic version of River. At least then he knew what to defend against. He didn't know how to fix depression, he never had.

He was going to throttle that prissy brother of hers for putting him in this position.

***  
***


	4. Absolution

Gabriel paced the lobby of St. Lucy's, unable to stop thinking of the messy, fiercely protective girl beside his son. The nurse had said that Simon's wife – _wife! Impossible! It should have been Moira Tran, the Trans had been asking about Simon just months before he defected... _– had been an absolute angel. Kaylee had helped the nurses, had stayed by Simon's side at all times, and had been very patient when Dr. Sang lapsed into complicated medical terms. Between Dr. Sang and Simon himself, Kaylee had a better grasp of human anatomy and how this particular poison began destroying it. To be honest, Gabriel didn't know if Moira would have been able to do the same thing. She was graceful, knew all the dances, could play the piano and recite ten thousand pieces of poetry in English, Spanish, Mandarin and Vietnamese. Gabriel didn't know anything else about her character, didn't know if she could be strong enough in adversity.

He didn't know if he himself could bear it.

Gabriel saw the two people that were Kaylee's friends – _not Simon's, he couldn't possibly actually know people like that_ – leave the hospital, talking between themselves. They were too far away, so he couldn't hear them. If they were gone, perhaps Kaylee would be as well? If she wasn't there, perhaps he could talk to Simon, reason with him, convince him that if he could only make amends for his disobedience...

She was still there. Gabriel could hear her voice, low and melodious as he approached the dividing curtain. He stood stock still, unsure of what to do next. This was unthinkable; there had never been a Tam since the Earth-That-Was that lacked poise or surety. Being a Tam had been a point of honor, a thing of pride. They had always been successful, they had always been leaders in whatever field they chose. Simon should have been the same.

"You'll be okay, _bao bei,"_ Kaylee was saying.

Simon sighed; he obviously didn't think so. "Kaylee, I still can't use my hands."

"So? The physical therapist said it was getting better. You can feel 'em can'tcha? You feel this," Kaylee added. Gabriel assumed that she was holding the hand in question. "That's still amazin', from what Dr. Sang said. She said you were takin' amazin' well to the medication, and that you will be all patched up by the end o' the week."

"And then I get transferred to rehab," Simon replied dully, as though he were parroting the doctor. Gabriel could hear the defeat. "I have to relearn how to walk, to dress, to use my own hands and feet... Can you imagine how long that will take?"

"Weeks," Kaylee said simply. "I know. I was here."

"Weeks," Simon repeated. "Kaylee, I can't pay for the hospital." Something in Simon's voice broke at the admission, and it pained Gabriel to hear it. "My share of the last job won't cover a day here, let alone weeks."

"I know," Kaylee replied. Her voice was somewhat muffled. She had either leaned down onto his chest or had taken his nerveless hands up to her face. "But it ain't just you."

"I can't..." Simon sighed. "It won't be enough," he said instead.

"We'll make it." Kaylee sounded impossibly happy. "It's all of us together. You heard the cap'n and Zoe. All of us. We ain't gonna leave you here. They got payment plans."

"What?" Simon sounded amazed. Gabriel had no concept of payment plans.

"I talked to the social worker already. Yesterday, when she came by while you was sleepin'. We talked for a bit. Nice guy. I didn't know they had boy social workers, but then again, there ain't too many girl mechanics." Kaylee and Simon had a laugh together at that.

"I suppose not," Simon said, his voice soft and loving.

Mechanic. She _worked,_ and with her hands. She got _dirty._

"Well, we talked about how long it'll be. Now, he's never seen this kinda poisoning, but he was talking like you had multiple sclerosis." Kaylee took special care with the syllables, and Gabriel could hear the pride in her voice when she spoke next. "So you get treatment here for a week or thereabouts. And then rehab for a month or so. Five or six weeks total, right? Well, we've already applied for insurance, and there's payment plans. And it's doable. We can pay it off in six months, all of us chippin' in."

"Oh Kaylee..." Simon breathed, sounding grateful. Gabriel was utterly still, not sure he could comprehend what he was hearing.

"It's all right, _bao bei._ It's okay if you let me take care o' you once in a while. Lemme do right by you for a spell, and then it can be my turn again."

Simon laughed. "How did I get so lucky to meet you?"

"I tole ya, you can never go wrong by a Firefly."

Simon sniffled. "No, you can't." His voice softened, grew serious and fearful. "Are you sure? I was going to use my share to restock the infirmary. We're going to be low on medicines... Are you sure we can afford this?"

"Well... it'll be protein mash for months. And lots o' workin' to make sure we stay in the air. But the cap'n and Zoe, they're lookin' for work here to tide us over. I'd go get mechanic work here too, but you need me when you wake up. We're all doin' our part."

Simon's breath seemed to hitch. _"Nĭ hĕn bù ga-o xìng ma?"_ He sounded anxious, unsure of himself. Gabriel had never heard him sound that way before. "I'll understand if you want to leave, if you don't want to stay with me..."

Kaylee snorted, and there was the sound of shuffling cloth. Then there was a creaking sound, as though Kaylee had settled into the bed beside Simon. "You know they think we're married? Think it's all official and sealed up."

_"Duìbùqî,"_ Simon murmured.

"Oh hush, silly. Don't be sorry. I ain't sorry."

"No... I mean... I wanted to give you something worthy. I wanted to bring you someplace nice, kneel down in front of you and ask you to be my wife. Not... not have you here, waiting on me when I can't move myself, can't do anything..."

"Won't be long, _bao bei,_ and I don't mind. It's all right. It's what you do," Kaylee said simply. "Just 'cause your parents wanted something from ya to love ya don't mean I do. I love you anyway. And if it's more'n a few weeks, it's more'n a few weeks. My daddy will scrape together something if I ask, tide us over a spell. And then we get to workin', is all. It'll _work,_ Simon, if you want it to. It'll work if you want it to."

"Oh Kaylee..." Simon breathed softly.

_"Wei!"_ Kaylee exclaimed suddenly. "It moved!"

"What? It did? It worked?" Simon cried, amazed. "Oh my god, my hand moved? It did? I'm not just making it up?"

"No! I felt you squeezin' my hand!" Kaylee chirped. The bed creaked; she must have shifted to hold him. "You see? It ain't so bad. We'll make it. We'll make it work."

It sounded as though Simon were near tears. "You think so?"

"I know so." Kaylee laughed, shifted in the bed again. "Simon... I got a question to ask."

"I still can't feel anything below my belly button," he replied automatically.

"No, not that, silly," she laughed. Gabriel could imagine her waving him off, some flamboyant little motion that proper ladies weren't supposed to make.

"Then ask. Ask me anything."

"Will you marry me?"

There was a stunned, hushed silence.

"W-what?"

"I mean it, Simon. I know you like it proper, I know you think it's important. I'm sorry I beat ya to the punch." She didn't sound very sorry. "But... I like 'em saying I'm your wife. I like 'em knowing I got the right to be here. I like being called Mrs. Tam. I like knowing I got you all to myself for the rest of our lives." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Simon Tam, you will make me the happiest girl in the 'verse if you say yes."

"Y-yes. Kaylee, yes. I... I was waiting for a good time."

Kaylee's laughter was light and infectious. "You should know by now there ain't no such thing as a good time for that. You just ask if you know it's right."

Simon laughed, a little self-deprecatingly. "I guess so."

"You could always ask me back."

"What?"

"You said you'd marry me... but you never did ask me," Kaylee said, her voice playful and wry.

"Kaywinnet Lee Frye," Simon began, his voice all smiles, "will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Of course!" Kaylee cried. She must have thrown herself on top of Simon, because he let out a light "Omph!" of surprise and there was the creak of shifting weight. "Of course I'll marry ya, Simon. I ain't letting you go so easy."

He laughed in relief. "I wish I could hold you," he said wistfully. "My arms still don't work."

"Here." Kaylee shifted around in the bed a bit. Gabriel imagined she was being careful with the lines and wires attached to his son. "There we are."

Simon sighed contentedly. "You feel good."

"You do, too." There was a soft kiss. "I was so scared when I saw you layin' there after. I don't ever want to lose you."

There was another soft kiss. "I can't imagine life without you."

"Then don't. I ain't goin' nowhere."

"Neither am I," Simon said, the smile in his voice. "Not for a very long time."

Gabriel crept from the room and headed for the nursing station. There were a few nurses congregated there, checking over computer screens and chatting amongst themselves. He cleared his throat and some of them looked up. "I want to speak with Simon Tam's nurse."

A middle aged man nodded. "That's me."

Gabriel waited a beat, but the man didn't move from the computer console. All right. This required a little downplaying of his status, making himself seem more humble. "I'm Simon's father. I was hoping you could tell me how he's doing."

The man nodded. "One moment. Let me just make note of this...." He made a few keystrokes, and then touched the screen a few times before he got up out of his seat. "Let's go over to the family room..." the nurse said, gesturing to an open door.

The nurse was wearing an ID with the name Jason Victor. Gabriel let Jason show him to the family room and shut the door. "Well, how much did Simon tell you?"

"Not much," Gabriel hedged. "I gather he'd been poisoned."

Jason nodded. "It's porterin, particularly nasty stuff. Not too common, but common enough to be recognized right away. There's usually a six or seven hour window before death, and we caught Simon just inside that window. We're treating him fairly aggressively, with antitoxin and nerve regen proteins, balancing his electrolytes and such. He's being followed by physical therapy and occupational therapy so he doesn't get atrophy, and we rotate him constantly so he won't develop any bedsores. His condition is stable, and it's really only a matter of time now. He will get better, and he will regain his prior function. I understand he was a doctor?"

Gabriel nodded numbly. Six hours until death. His mind seemed to stick on that phrase, and none of the rest seemed to make sense. He wasn't the doctor in the family. That was Simon, and Simon was now the patient.

Jason was nodding. Gabriel wanted to lash out at the patronizing nurse, but forced himself to keep still. "He probably didn't go into detail, to spare you. His wife has been with him constantly, and she's been absolutely wonderful about the situation. She helps us all out, talking with him, helping us with our jobs. It's a little easier on her, too, since she's learning what to do. He may go to outpatient rehab, I'm not sure what the plan is there. If he does, she'll have to be the one doing what we do here. She's pretty strong, though. She can help move him about."

No society wife could have handled this situation. There would have been hired nurses, hired help, rehabilitation spas far away from the estate, quiet whispered tales that would circulate amongst the pretty pampered people on Osiris. Maybe Moira would have stayed faithful, though Gabriel couldn't say the same of many society wives. It was all for show, all for titles and wealth and land, all for the superficial acceptance that came with it. No society wife could lift her husband up with her own two hands, and no society wife would want to.

Gabriel found himself nodding at the nurse. "Thank you," he was murmuring.

"You can go in and see him. Simon's in Room 17. I have to say, he's been a model patient. He's been very cooperative, and I hear that he pushes himself harder than the therapists do."

"He would. He was always like that," Gabriel murmured, distracted.

Jason nodded as he stood. "He seems the overachiever type. Let me know if you need anything else, Mr. Tam. Just head on back. He'll be overjoyed to see you. I'm glad you made it. He didn't seem to think his family would be very supportive, but so far everyone has been like a rock to him." Jason looked at Gabriel with a piercing gaze. "How kin reacts can be crucial to recovery, you know. And it's just wonderful to see everyone in his family rally around him like this. He should be able to bounce back."

"Yes, thank you," Gabriel murmured, shaking the nurse's hand. It was rote, it was polite and proper, it was the way to behave. But his mind was in turmoil, and he couldn't picture himself in the same category as that captain and Zoe that Kaylee kept talking about.

He wasn't anything like they were. He wasn't hard edged, he wasn't capable of sacrificing creature comfort or doing without his necessities. He wasn't capable of sacrificing for the sake of another. To be honest, he had been paired with Regan because their families had approved of the match. It was the consolidation of two venerable old houses. It was a business. They both knew their roles, and did them well. Regan wasn't terribly affectionate, but she hadn't needed to be. He had heard that there was a broken heart somewhere behind her, gunshots at dawn and a lost fiancé her parents hadn't approved of anyway. Regan did her duty, and if there was no heart or soul behind it, Gabriel hadn't noticed. He was older than she was by twelve years, and had no illusions about marriage. He had to produce heirs to inherit the fortune, she had to provide them. If it was a little cold, so be it. No one said they had to be happy.

Somehow their children had found a kind of happiness in raising themselves. The nannies had been rotated whenever they seemed to get too close to the children, as the parental role could never be usurped. Gabriel had never understood it, had attributed it all to River being overly attached to her brother. He had sent Simon away, forced him to transfer to the other Medacad location on Osiris, so that he no longer would stay at home to study or sleep. River would wind up studying with him, and Gabriel had wanted to keep her away from medicine. He had wanted her to make up her own mind and decide what she would do with herself separate from Simon, who was nearly eight years older. Gabriel had one son, and had wanted his daughter to behave like one. But she had been willful, and in the end had gone to the university's graduate physics program. It had been too easy, and Gabriel had approved a transfer to a more difficult and elite Academy for truly brilliant children.

He had known what it was. He had heard tales, the whispers that were not whispers, the children that never returned home because they went straight to work for the Alliance. If River would not be the proper society girl, the least she could do was elevate the Tam name in the Alliance circles, create a new opportunity to excel.

He had known. Gabriel couldn't say how much Regan knew or guessed, but he had known that the Academy wasn't all that benign. It had only been a matter of time before the letters stopped making sense, then just stopped.

Maybe he was good at sacrifice after all.

Gabriel slowly pushed himself up to his feet. No, he would not see his son ensconced in his telemetry bed, being kept alive by intravenous lines. No, he would not see his future daughter-in-law, feel her judging eyes on him. No, he would not ask forgiveness. No, he would not go in and pretend that nothing had happened.

_Things don't turn out the way you planned,_ Regan had said once, brushing her hair out in even strokes. They had been married for nearly two years before Simon had been born, and then it had been seven long years before Regan had conceived again. She had been sickly in that interim, and Gabriel had long wondered if perhaps she hadn't _wanted_ children by him. He wasn't the one she loved and lost, he wasn't her idea of a husband. She had barely suffered his touch, and had been relieved when he had turned to Companions for physical comfort. It was just the way things were, it was how it was done.

_No more,_ Regan had whispered over her daughter's cradle. She hadn't known that Gabriel was listening. _Never again will I give myself away. You're the last one, you and Simon, my babies. I can trust in you. I can believe in you._

Gabriel still didn't understand what she had meant.

He couldn't remember walking to the elevator banks. He couldn't remember pressing the down button or getting into the car when the doors opened. The next thing he knew, he was downstairs in the lobby, facing the information booth.

_I need to understand what went wrong,_ Gabriel thought, then squelched it ruthlessly. He still had his empire. Nothing was wrong.

He strode toward the desk. "Where is hospital billing?"

The clerk in the pale gray uniform gave him directions, and Gabriel went into another hallway. The directions were clear, but in his mind the hospital had become some sprawling thing, a gray and white monstrosity sucking the life out of him. It was as if a fog had settled over him, pressing in on all sides. His son was immobile, his daughter was insane and still missing. He had a frigid wife and no close relationships to speak of. Yet he still had his financial empire. He still had his face; to any passing acquaintance, the life of a Tam was to be envied.

"Can I help you?" the clerk behind the glass asked. Her eyes were sharp, dark chips of flint and her face was all angles. She wore unrelieved black, and Gabriel sank down into a seat across from her. "My son is a patient here, on telemetry."

"And?"

The clipped, frosty tones snapped Gabriel back to himself. This was business. This was only business, and he was good at business.

"I will be paying for all expenses incurred with his visit," Gabriel replied frostily, sliding over his ident card. It was dutifully swiped, and those dark flinty eyes scanned the data the reader gave her. She looked at Gabriel with an assessing glance, then swiped his ident card into another reader connected to a computer screen. She pressed a few buttons, waited, then a few more. It appeared as though she were searching for Simon's record in the data banks. When she found it, she began typing in rapid strokes. She was very easily the most scarily efficient clerk he had ever seen in his life, and he employed many a silent and efficient clerk.

The staccato rhythm was a sharp hammering on the inside of Gabriel's skull. What the hell was he doing? Did he think this was absolution? Did he think he could buy his son's forgiveness? Did he think he even deserved it?

"Very good, Mr. Tam. I've made all the proper notations in the file. I've noticed that your daughter-in-law had processed a request for financial aid and coverage. Should I cancel the request for her?"

"Yes," he said, voice as proper as hers. "Direct all her inquiries to my wave extension."

"Of course." The clerk made a few more highly efficient keystrokes, then handed back the ident card. "Everything is taken care of, Mr. Tam. I assure you, there will be no frivolous charges. We try to run a clean organization, and everything is accounted for."

"I understand his recovery will be difficult. I'll be paying for that, too."

She didn't blink. "Of course you will. I've already made note of that."

Yes, of course she would have. She was efficient. She was brisk and edged.

Gabriel found himself thanking her and leaving the accounting department. Yes, the hospital was a sprawling mess of hallways, gray and white, impersonal and cold. The floors were tiled blue and green, more calming and soothing. He was sure Pediatrics would be different vibrant colors for the unfortunate children caught within the ward. And Psychiatry...?

He stopped and leaned against the wall. It was cold, and it seemed to draw the warmth right out of him. He didn't know what psychiatry wards looked like. They were locked, he knew that much. He had visited Simon once at his hospital, and Simon had done an impromptu tour that day. He had been so proud, and Gabriel had been so dismissive. The tiles had been cracked and grimy, there had been signs of use everywhere. Gabriel hadn't liked it. Simon had glossed over the tenth floor, saying he didn't have the proper keys to enter the unit even if he had any interest in going there. Simon had cared more for his precious operating rooms, his trauma service. He had just been accepted to stay on after his fellowship, and was the youngest attending in the hospital's long venerable history.

And months later, he had thrown it all away to save his sister.

Gabriel sucked in a breath. He would not falter. He would not fall.

For a moment, Gabriel could feel the rest of his lifetime stretch out in front him, cold and empty as the interminable hallway. He could feel his sense of rightness spiraling out away from him, shattering in his hands. He was old, he was lost, he was lonely. He had lost the only things that should have mattered to him, and he wasn't even capable of recognizing it. He could only now begin to feel the silence and the emptiness, the sense of loss that had crept into the edges of his life in the past year.

"You don't look so good," a voice said by his ear. It was the lazy drawl of a Rim world, and Gabriel turned his head and looked into the face of the captain that Kaylee seemed to think so highly of. Beside him was the black woman in leather, her face set in stone. This had to be Zoe, that other person Kaylee thought the world of.

"I suppose he could be having a heart attack, sir," Zoe said.

"Well then, it's off to the emergency room with you," the captain said smoothly. He pulled on Gabriel's arm and threw it over his shoulders. "Zoe, you get that side."

"Of course," she said. Her voice was a falling cascade of ice. She had lost something, too. She knew what it was to lose something important. Gabriel wanted to ask her what it was, but he couldn't seem to find the words. He seemed to be having trouble breathing.

"Business folk don't know much about venting, I suppose," the captain said amiably. The three of them walked briskly down the halls. "It's a good thing we know the way to the emergency room," he continued, "and that we saw you near collapse in the lobby like that."

No. It hadn't been a lobby. The lobby had life and people. Gabriel had only seen emptiness and cold tile, light reflecting back white and cruel. But he couldn't find the words, he couldn't speak, and it didn't matter anymore anyway.

"I suppose some got to learn the hard way," Zoe said sharply.

It felt as though Gabriel's chest were cut open by her words. River had once said that words carried weight and feeling, they colored the world around everyone. He hadn't understood then, hadn't wanted to understand.

"Well, here we are at the emergency room. I suppose we should stay with you, offer you some kind of comfort. We ain't hard hearted folk," the captain mused.

"That and he ain't talkin'," Zoe added. Now her voice was dry, amused. It grated across Gabriel's skin like sandpaper.

"This is true. We're his only outlet to the world. Scary thought, that."

Gabriel felt his world narrow to a tunnel in front of him, the pressure coming in hard and fast and keeping him from breathing. They were speaking for him, they found him in the lobby. He must have just been visiting his son, who was in Telemetry.

"Ah. Mr. Tam," a cordial voice said. "I'm Doctor Conover. I remember speaking with you the other night after I treated your son."

His eyes couldn't track the sound of her voice. Everything was so far away, and he was drowning in darkness, falling backward into the softness of oblivion.

There was the press of needles and fluids, pills that loosed the bonds around his chest and allowed him to draw in a shaky breath. Gabriel's eyes landed on the captain and Zoe, side by side but with a wall of silence between them. So much unspoken, so much unnecessary and understood. He didn't comprehend it; it was beyond his fragile understanding. "Tell him I'm sorry," he rasped, reaching out for them. "I never disowned him..."

"Tell him yourself," the captain said, voice even and colorless. "You're going right up to Telemetry yourself. Work up for a heart attack, the good doctor says. Should have you all patched up and fixed in a day. Ain't life grand? Maybe you'll be Simon's roommate. Then you two will get all kinds of time to talk."

Maybe there was time before the end of the world, before the darkness took him away from the endless bounds of white. Maybe there was time for absolution.

Maybe it wasn't too late.

***  
***


	5. Touch of Spirits

_Jayne, you silly. Give Eva back to me!_

Jayne spun around, and there was Tina, reaching out for her porcelain doll. Ma and Pa had scrimped and saved for the tiny little thing, and it was her prized possession. _Make me! Yer such a tiny little thing..._

She kicked his shin soundly, and caught her doll when it fell from his hand. She laughed and ran back toward the house as Jayne hopped up and down on his other foot.

He'd forgotten how nasty she could be.

Jayne was shaking, and that wasn't right. That wasn't how it happened. He cracked open his eyes and looked up into River's golden brown eyes. "I can't find my mind," she whimpered. "I can't feel its edges anymore."

Jayne grumbled and shook off her arm on his shoulder. He rubbed at his eyes and then looked over at the clock on the wall. He had slept through breakfast, and now it was time for her daily dose of medicines. At least he only had to give them once; after Miranda, she had quieted enough not to need doses three or four times a day. Plus, this was one of the older kinds of antipsychotics so it was dirt cheap in comparison to the newer ones. It was also much easier to find.

He knew the steps to this dance, could ignore the look of River's eyes on his hands. She tracked his movements, weighed his steps. "Not an ordinary man," she murmured, looking up as he put everything away. "No kindness and no heart, but you move with a soul."

His eyes narrowed at her. She was rumpled and her hair hung in her face in clumps. The sweatercoat was hanging up on a hook near the door, and she was in the same dark blue dress from the day before. He had thought she had changed for bed, but hadn't exactly looked. Jayne was uncomfortable with the concept of her as more than a girl under his protection. His mind shied away from the images of her with blades in hand, a roomful of dead Reavers at her feet, his blood falling down his chest in a wave.

"I thought you was better," he growled at her.

"I was. But the press of their thoughts eat at me. I lose my balance, and it feels like a monster beneath the bed coming to chew up my neurons."

Jayne sighed. "Ain't no monsters here."

"I feel cold," she whispered, looking up. "I can't catch the thread of thought. I lost it all."

Jayne laid a hand on her shoulder, steadying her. She looked up at him, eyes wide and hopeful, lips parted. "You're gaining new kin, is all. You ain't losin' nothing."

The rapt expression on her face was all kinds of odd. It was different, at least, and she didn't seem so disoriented as she had been the day before. "We'll be touching down at Voltaire very late tonight," she murmured. "Will it be all right? Or will it be a problem?"

Jayne frowned, his fingers momentarily tightening on her shoulder. "It was supposed to be late afternoon we were arrivin'."

"Detour," River murmured. "There's space debris to avoid. A shuttle lost an engine coil, lost her people to the black."

Lips pressed together in annoyance, Jayne tilted his head to look at her. "You can hear 'em, Crazy? Like them dead people on Miranda?" She only nodded, eyes impossibly wide. "So what're they saying?"

"It was a game. They weren't supposed to lose. They were fighting with the others on the ship, and they bet they could last the night in the shuttle and not need the others. But they lost the bet, the coil exploded and then there was fire and cold."

Jayne could feel a chill roll down his spine as she spoke. It was likely; it happened way too often out in the black. "Let it pass, Crazy. They's just ghosts, can't hurt you none."

She nodded. "I know. But I'm the only one that can hear them."

He resisted the urge to pat her head. "Just don't let nobody else know. They won't understand."

"They'll think I'm psychotic."

"You are."

"Semantics."

He shook his head at her. "Just don't act so crazy and nobody'll ask."

She looked at him with a hint of sadness. "You don't believe me. Of anyone, I thought you would at least believe. You would know I'm telling the truth."

Jayne was confused. "What?"

"Truth in silence. Truth in violence. Red is life, and you look better in red. Blue is death."

"You're wearin' blue," Jayne muttered, discomfited by her words.

"I mourn. I feel like death." She touched the ends of her hair. "Nothing to hide behind."

She sounded so mournful that Jayne couldn't help but feel the full pangs of pity. She had once been whole and brilliant, the 'verse at her beck and call. Now she was cut up and splintered, out on the edges of space and hiding from those that would shatter her to pieces. Aside from Simon, she didn't have any kin to help her, no one to hide her but Serenity's crew. He found himself touching her cheek gently. "Cobbs are good folk. You'll like them."

She smiled at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Thank you."

River seemed to perk up with the simple contact, and Jayne let his hand fall from her face. "You best get to walkin' around. Put on a show of grief."

"No show," she said slowly. "But I don't grieve for a dead grandmother I never met."

Jayne watched her pull another dark blue dress from her bag and shake out its wrinkles. "I guess I'll go see if I can rustle up some grub."

"Food is more amenable today."

With a snort of annoyance, Jayne left their bunk and headed for the kitchens. River looked up from the dress in her hands, frowning. She let herself fall back down to her bed and looked at the dark blue fabric in her hands. "Too much blue," she murmured. "Not enough red, not enough gold, no life in me yet."

River washed her face, changed her dress and stepped into her boots. Once she put the sweater coat back on, the mask had descended. Now she was just some random girl, basking in grief, her ape man shield already waiting for her.

Time to be someone else again.

***

_Once upon a time._

River held a bottle of light blue ink and a fountain pen in the other. She had once collected them, had never wanted to use the masterpieces her father had bought for her. Simon must have mentioned it once in conversation; Kaylee had found a simple one in a marketplace and bought it for her as a birthday present.

_Dear Kaylee._

No, the words weren't right. She didn't want to write a letter full of meandering words to Kaylee, who had her hands full looking after her brother. There are distant slams and whistling; the crew are working down below, inventing things to do to stave off boredom.

The blue ink drops down from the nib onto the paper, blue tears from a blue and black girl unable to speak her own words. She wished she could dance. Feelings in movement, no words necessary, no jumble to break down and interpret, nothing to call psychosis. Drop, drop, drop; her precious blue ink runs like blood from the pen in a stream.

_There was a girl, and she had a gift. Words held colors, meaning held weight. The lights above held no fear, and the dark held no monsters. There was no such thing as pain._

Once upon a time...

River's vision blurred, and she blinked it all away. No words on the page, just a curving, waving line on the page. Waves to the ocean, outline to a drawing she could add to in pencils.

_Synesthesia,_ she thought. She always had a sense of it as a child, when it was simply another way of being creative. Perhaps she always had premorbid symptoms, perhaps she would have been well on her way to psychosis without the Academy creating a break. Creativity and mental illness ran hand in hand, though she had never thought of herself as ill prior to her acceptance into the Academy's accelerated program.

_I wanted a program like the graduate physics one, where I could learn in peace. But without the jealousy, without knowing the others looked at me behind my back, calling me names and saying I was ahead of myself..._

Sometimes lucidity hurt worse than insanity.

She tried to imagine what Shuang Jiang would be like, had she been real. A studious and proper little girl, intelligent, sent off to school on a bigger world to come back and be a big influence on her tiny town. Family far and wide on Beylix, people who loved her, wanted her safe. No evil organization after her, no shadows in corners to take away the ghost of a mind she had left. She would be a proper little girl that could fade away into obscurity, nothing special, nobody important, nothing to be aware of.

River sighed and capped her pen. No words today, no sketches. The feel of her was off, her skin was stretched too tight. It was too difficult to hold herself in and not risk suffocation. Today was not a very good day, but she could be quiet about it. She closed her eyes and could see the traces of veins and arterioles, red on black, life on emptiness and need.

River felt Jayne's presence settle in next to her. He had his knife and a whetstone, and was carefully sharpening its already sharp edge. It was merely something to do, something to keep himself occupied, something to rein in his mind.

"When they fall into line, what will you do with the blades?"

Jayne looked over at River. "Huh. You mean if they're sharp enough?" She nodded. She seemed dull and listless again, almost as though she was creeping back toward the melancholy that had plagued her the night before. "Then I put 'em away and move on to something else to do till nightfall. That's all." Jayne looked down at the table in front of her. Her pen was capped, her pencils still neatly stowed in their case. A single line curled its way across the page. "Not able to draw nothin' today?"

"Inspiration is lacking," she murmured. "And there is nothing left to write."

"Suppose so." Jayne tested the edge of his blade against his thumb, then smiled when he was satisfied with its edge.

"Will it be far?"

"What?"

"Voltaire to Hunting Darren's." Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

"Mebbe three days again." Jayne shrugged. "Less if we can find a mule. Dunno if we can get one in Voltaire. It was a dirt palace when I left Beylix."

"I'll follow you," she whispered softly. Her hand dropped from the table to touch his.

"O' course," Jayne said, irritated. "Ya don't know how to get there, otherwise."

River looked away. He didn't understand, not yet. But that was just fine, she didn't really understand it all herself.

***

"Oh my gosh, if it isn't Jayne Benjamin Cobb!"

With a cornered expression on face, Jayne whirled around in the middle of Voltaire's main tavern to face the cheerful female voice. River was beside him, breathing in the atmosphere and feeling what it was like to live on Beylix.

Jayne looked as though he were poleaxed. "Sara? Sara Allen?"

She was fair to look at, with light brown hair, green eyes and a curvaceous petite form in a waitress outfit. "And to think I thought you never were gonna come back to Beylix."

"Weren't plannin' on it, but the girl...."

Sara's gaze slid past Jayne to River. Her sweater coat was undone, and her dark blue dress didn't seem quite so somber in the lantern light of the tavern. "Why, she's such a pretty little thing. Hey there, I'm Sara. Welcome to the High Key. I'm hostess o' this here place, and it actually is a mighty fine inn."

"I am River," River replied sweetly, shaking Sara's hand. She could feel the speculation slide over her skin and let it flow away.

"You're gonna be headin' out west, then."

"O' course. Gotta see Ma and Mattie, some cousins. Ya know, got to start plannin' things."

"A wedding?" Sara squealed, grabbing hold of Jayne's arm. Then she remembered herself, and her gaze slid across to River. "Sorry, darlin'. But we go way back. Heck, if I never met my Frank, I think Jayne might've been a good catch." Jayne snorted, and Sara swatted his arm playfully. "I know you, Jayne Cobb. Humph. Didn't think you'd make it out this way, but then, Hunter's ain't so big no more."

"I heard when I was bookin' the flight," Jayne said. He looked around the High Key, and realized that more than a few faces were familiar. "Hell, did Hunter's just move on over?"

"It damn near fell apart some years back, Jayne. You'd know it if you came'n visited yer Ma more often." Sara grinned at River. "Don't worry, his Ma is a right fine woman."

"O' course she is. I've been tellin' her so all trip."

Sara grinned at them. "Weddin's are just beautiful and wonderful things. You'll understand, River, honey. You just get all excited and there's so much to plan..." There was a jingle at the door, and Sara turned her head. "Don't go nowhere, a round's on me. Lemme just get this new one at the door..."

Jayne was shaking his head. "Never thought I'd see the day when Hunting Darren's would break up and die."

"You called it Hunter's?" River asked, letting Jayne guide her to the bar. His hand at her back was comfortable, quieting the tumble of feelings and thoughts that flitted though her mind.

"Nickname, I guess. Most of us called it Hunter's 'stead of Darren. Old Man Darren weren't too good to most folk out here... He was a big overseer type o' man..." _like at my town,_ he almost added, but stopped himself in time. That was a mistake. It was just a mixup, though he hadn't been young and stupid then. Just stupid.

River touched his hand gently. "It's all right. Don't tell if it hurts to."

Jayne looked at her with the sense that he had never really and truly _looked_ at her before. He probably hadn't. "Yeah. Good idea."

Sara wound her way back to the two of them at the bar. "Well now, two beers on me. An' I guess you two will need a room upstairs? It's kinda late to be headin' out to Hunter's."

Jayne shook his head. "We'll do this up proper. Can't go sharin' a room here."

She flashed a grin at River. "Well now, isn't that sweet? Sure thing, Jayne. I've got a pair o' rooms with a shared bathroom. That oughta do just fine, right?"

"Sounds fine. We'll head on out in the mornin' I guess. Is there still a shop out on Main with horses or mules?"

Sara nodded. "Jimmy's on Main and Hyatt. Tell 'im you're headin' on to Hunter's, and that I said not to stiff ya with a broke wheel, and you should get the good mule."

"Is it the same Jimmy from Hunter's?"

"Naw. He never left the farm. This one's part of the Gregor group. Not too bad, just a mite soft in the head if ya catch my drift. Sweet kid, but sometimes don't realize you fix a broke wheel, not rent it out to some old sod."

River was very still next to Jayne, and he shifted slightly in his seat so that his knee touched hers beneath the counter. She picked up her beer and took a sip. Belatedly, he realized that alcohol and the medications she was on probably weren't good together.

"He's not old," River said, voice firm. "He's wise in ways I won't know."

Sara smiled at her, and chucked her gently on the shoulder. "You're okay, you know that? I'm glad that you're a good one. Cobbs are plenty hardheaded, but they ain't bad folk. Why, Matt Cobb is plenty smart, too."

Jayne shot River an "I told you so" look, and nodded at Sara. "She'll be okay."

"I'm sure she's plenty tougher than she looks to deal with you," Sara said with a laugh. "I can't wait to see the wedding day. You make sure you look around Voltaire and catch up on what's been goin' on with some of the old friends you had."

"Sure thing, Sara," Jayne said with a nod. He finished off the rest of his beer, and watched River delicately sip at hers. "I think she's about ready to nod off. We should head on up."

"Sure. Room six and seven." Sara dug around in her pockets and pulled out her ring of keys. She undid the main ring and slipped off the labeled keys. "Bed are made fresh every mornin', breakfast is six to nine thirty. You two sleep tight. Try to ignore the other louts upstairs. Not everybody here is nearly a newlywed."

Jayne suddenly realized with horror as she left that Sara thought _he_ was the one engaged to River.

Holding the keys in hand, he looked over at her. She did seem a bit tired. "Here," he muttered, handing her a random key. "Go on up."

"Come with me," River murmured. "Too many strange voices here... I can't keep it straight."

"Oh, all right," Jayne muttered. It felt odd, being the one to know the nuances of a place and have to explain it to someone else. He had left Beylix years ago, yet it felt as though he had been there just yesterday. Some things just never changed.

Jayne watched River drop her bag onto the floor near the bed and toss her sweater coat on top of it. She then kicked off the big black boots she wore. She pitched herself forward onto the bed, facedown. Jayne frowned at her. "You all right? You look a bit off."

"The spirits are talking, and I don't understand." She twisted on the bed, as if to get into a comfortable position, but there was an anguished look on her face. He felt those odd twinges of pity rise up again. "I felt it downstairs, but it's worse here, it's close." She pointed at the wall her room didn't share with Jayne's. "There."

Frowning, Jayne walked over to the wall to at least humor the girl. He pressed his ear to the wall, intending to say _See? There's nothing here._ Only, he could hear voices all right, and they weren't talking. He looked back over at River twisting above the coverlet and fought the urge to laugh. For all that fancy schooling she'd had, she didn't understand what sexing was?

"I don't understand," River moaned helplessly. She looked up at Jayne plaintively and reached out for him. "Please help me."

"Er..." Jayne crossed back over and sat down on the bed next to River. "I figger I shouldn't be the one telling ya about sex."

"But she sounds hurt," River whispered. "It's not supposed to hurt."

"It don't," Jayne said, shrugging. "She's not hurt."

River twisted again on the bed, her eyes round and trusting. She pushed herself up on one elbow, putting herself dangerously close to Jayne. "You promise?"

Jayne couldn't breathe. The straps of her dress had fallen, she was showing off much too much skin, and he hadn't had trim in months. "Yeah," he replied, voice raw. "She likes it."

"They didn't tell us of this," River said, frowning at him. "I don't comprehend." She pushed herself up to her knees and touched his shoulder. "Can you show me? Help me understand." His throat was a mess. He couldn't speak. This wasn't good. This really wasn't good. "Jayne? I trust you," she murmured. "You can teach me."

"Yer the smart one here, Crazy." His voice was hoarse, not sounding like him at all.

"I defer to your wisdom in the place where your knowledge is best." Her touch was almost like fire along the bare skin of his arm. "You understand where I don't."

His hands itched to touch her. She was a little girl, just half his age, but she was pretty when she wasn't crying or crazy. Scarily enough, he was finding her less and less crazy. She was close, too close, too dangerously close, and he could smell the scent of her skin. He always did love how women smelled, and River didn't smell like a girl. She smelled ripe, like a woman old enough to know her own mind.

He moved quickly, pulling her toward him so that her back was pressed against his front. She squeaked in surprise, but didn't appear frightened. Good. He wasn't thinking too clear just then, but if she had been scared, it would have stopped him. He was a heartless bastard, but he wasn't a soulless one.

Jayne dropped his head down into the crook of her neck as his left hand moved to cup a breast through the fabric of her dress. His right hand trailed down to where her knees met the bed, and caught hold of the dress. He pulled it up slowly, his fingers skimming across her bare skin. River shivered, her breath catching in her throat. Her mouth opened and a tiny sound of pleasure escaped her lips. Jayne breathed in her scent, his lips at her pulse. His left hand moved, rubbing at a nipple gently, and then his right hand slipped beneath the waistband of her panties. "J-Jayne," she whispered brokenly, arching herself into his touch.

"I got ya," he growled against her neck. His fingers traced her folds, just beginning to grow moist. He dipped a finger inside, brought it out damp. He circled her clit with fingers of his right hand, and his left moved to reach inside of her dress. "I won't let ya fall."

_Oh, it's too late,_ River thought, barely coherent. _It's much too late..._

Her skin was soft and delicate beneath his callused hands, and he took care not to be too rough with her. He drew soft, mewling cries out of her as his fingers moved inside her or swirled around her clit in slow circles. He knew he was the first to touch her like this. Her response was too artless, too innocent. She whimpered his name again, her voice breaking. Jayne inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her rising arousal, feeling her grow increasingly slick against his fingers. The scent of her rested on his tongue, and gods above, she tasted good. He ground his hips against her bottom, his erection rubbing against her through their clothes.

This had to be a hundred kinds of wrong, but Jayne didn't care. She felt too good, she tasted too good, she sounded too good. River might've looked like a little slip of a girl, but she felt all woman. His fingers slid over her clit to move through her slick folds. His fingers brushed over her clit slightly harder, and the pleasure had sent shockwaves through her. "There, don't stop, don't..." River moaned. Her head lolled onto Jayne's shoulder. He could feel her body begin to tighten within his hands.

"That's it, River-girl," Jayne crooned softly against her ear. She let out an incoherent moan in reply, her entire body trembling and tightening. "Yeah.... that's it. Just like that." He picked up the pace, feeling her trembling pick up in frequency. He thrust two fingers deep inside of her and used his thumb to stroke her clit. He continued rubbing against her, his own breath short and frantic. "Come on, girl... I got ya." She let out a sharp cry, almost like a strangled wail, her entire body shaking. He could feel her body tighten around his fingers, could hear her breath leave her all at once.

Jayne let River drop bonelessly to the bed. He hadn't come yet, and he needed to get off, needed the release. But she was too young, too little, and wasn't meant to be his. Ta ma de, _Mattie's gonna kill me!_ Jayne thought. He was still kneeling on the bed, watching River languidly stretch out and roll onto her back. She had fallen out of the top of her dress, and she slowly unhooked her too-tight bra. As she tossed it aside, Jayne could see that River wasn't quite as small on top as she looked. There was an angry red indented line around her rib cage where the offending piece of fabric had been. He had felt it, of course, but it hadn't clicked.

She pushed herself up to a seated position with effort, giving him a hazy smile. She looked sated, and fluidly attached herself to his body, kneeling now as well. She was coming closer, intending to kiss him. Jayne turned his head at the last moment so that her soft lips collided with his cheek. _"Xie xie,"_ she murmured softly. "I comprehend now." Her soft voice sent shivers down his spine, and had his erection at full and painful attention. "Thank you for teaching me."

Jayne swallowed painfully as her bared breasts pressed against his bare arms. He could still smell her, could practically taste her. He wanted to, he realized suddenly. He wanted the taste of her on his tongue and her sweet body tight around his cock. "Weren't nothin'," he ground out, and she smiled against his cheek.

Oh yeah, Mattie was gonna kill him.

"You... uh... I'll see ya in the mornin',"

_"Wăn ān. Zuò gè hăo mèng,"_ River murmured as Jayne left the bed. "I will not worry now about the spirits."

Just moving was painful enough, but there she was, kneeling on the bed, her dress rucked up about the waist with too much girlskin exposed. "Yeah. Spirits."

River slid off the bed in a graceful motion and shimmied out of the dress. In horror, Jayne watched her move the panties, exposing herself fully to him. Jayne couldn't breathe, couldn't think. He was only a man, _gorram_ it, and one with needs at that. It wasn't right to be taunted so.

"What're ya doin'?" he asked hoarsely.

River sank bad down to the bed and sprawled over the coverlet. "I had to take them off. They were sticky."

She had been achingly wet and tight around his fingers. She would be... Aw hell. He couldn't think like that. She wasn't his.

"Jus'... Get a night shirt on or somethin'," Jayne pleaded. He want to think of a gloriously naked River in bed.

"I'm tired," River replied, yawning. "Good night, Jayne, you are an excellent teacher."

"Er... Yeah... Thanks."

Jayne watched her curl up, then stumbled to the shared bathroom. He locked himself in and tugged down his pants viciously. It only took a few rough strokes before he spilled his seed like a green schoolboy. Sagging against the wall in relief, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He was a dirty old man, a stupid _liu kuoshui de biaozi he houzi de ben erzi_ piece of _go se_ for touching her. He was twice her age! He had no right putting his hands on her, no right to know how perfectly her breasts fit into his cupped palm. He had no right to know how she sounded when she came.

"Aw hell," Jayne growled at his reflection.

He did not sleep well that night.

***  
***


	6. Shadows On The Trail

Jimmy at the rental shop down on Main and Hyatt didn't have any mules left, broken wheel or not. Jayne felt like ripping the place apart. That meant three more days in too-close company with River, breathing in the scent of her and knowing she wasn't a little girl. She had been so much easier to handle when he had thought of her as no more than some kind of pitiful _feng le_ girl, someone with no kin and no hope for kin. Mattie had been a safe choice. Jayne remembered Mattie as a sickly child when he left, and didn't think too much on him. A sick man and a crazy woman wouldn't be too bad, right?

Jayne had to rent the last sand skimmer available, an old contraption that would fly over deserts of dust and dirt that made up the road between Voltaire and Hunting Darren's. It was possible to do the trip in less than three days, if he went off the road. But Beylix once had more than just shipyards and junk shops between towns. Any _hundan_ would take one look at River and waste him in a heartbeat to get her.

The two packs stowed easily in the small compartment of the skimmer. Jayne got into the driver's seat and made sure River was settled and buckled in tight behind him. She put on the goggles and helmet he gave her, giggling all the while. He rolled his eyes at her and put on his own gear. River wrapped her arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. She pressed her face to his back as he took off, kicking up clouds of dust behind them.

Jayne tried to keep his thoughts clear, to not think about how her hands might feel on his skin, how she would feel if she touched him...

He couldn't be thinking of things like this. He was an old man, cranky and heartless, meanest sumbitch of any Cobb on Beylix. He was a straight shot, hard punch and scary glare kinda man; too many years offworld could harden man real quick, and age him up a spell.

She didn't squeeze his gut too hard, and she was fairly soft around him. It was almost kinda nice to be held a bit.

They traveled on in companionable silence.

***

Just three and a half hours later, Jayne was by the side of the road swearing up a storm and River was perched on the edge of the skimmer precariously. She was humming, her feet swinging beneath her and her helmet was cocked sideways on her head. They had been cruising along at a fair clip, Jayne lost in the monotony of endless reams of dirt and River lost in the tunes trapped within her head. Neither had realized that there was a leak in the skimmer's brake line. When Jayne hit the brakes hard to avoid a rock that had appeared as the road turned, the skimmer didn't slow down one whit. They hit the rock and went down hard, tumbling over in the dirt. Neither of them were hurt apart from some scratches and bruises, amazingly enough, but the skimmer wasn't nearly so lucky. The nose had snapped clear off, and the tail of it was banged in from the tumbling across the hard road.

"Ain't no tools ta fix it with, even if I could," Jayne growled, pacing back and forth. It would be hours on foot before they hit Gregor, which had been too small to even call a town sixteen years ago. He doubted it would be changed much, since Gregor wasn't anywhere near anything that anybody would want.

"The sun will bake the parts soon. It is the height of the warmest season."

"I tole ya that already," Jayne muttered.

"Yes. And I already said you were a good teacher."

Jayne stilled, the memory of her too fresh and bitter in his mind. "Now, you just go and forget that. Weren't nothing to talk about."

River stopped swinging her legs and looked at him with her head cocked to the side. "But you made me understand. I could feel why it was so, why she would sound hurt but not be. It is difficult to understand without a good teacher."

"Look. It was a mistake. Shouldn't have done it, shouldn't have touched ya. So git it outta yer mind, don't talk 'bout it none. _Dong ma?_ It shouldn't have happened."

River leapt from the broken skimmer and landed in front of Jayne. She was wearing red; he hadn't thought about the colors when he saw her that morning. "But it did. You cannot undo the past, it cannot be undone. Time cannot be altered as such, though it flows and ebbs in tides. It may not loop in on itself, it may not be undone."

"Don't matter." Jayne could be stubborn if he put his mind to it. And he'd likely be strung up by his balls if anyone knew he had touched a little _feng le_ girl that didn't know what he was doing to her. "It didn't happen. If you say something, I'll say yer lyin'." The hurt look on her face nearly unmanned him, but he clenched his jaw at the sight. "Got it?"

"You're lying," she whispered in a fragile voice. "Why are you lying?"

"You don't get it, you _chun_ girl? You ain't mine. Yer for Mattie, not me. And I ain't got no call to be touchin' another man's wife, least of all my own brother's. I ain't good, but I ain't gonna ruin next o' kin."

"A man may only have a single wife."

"Just so," Jayne said with a firm nod. "So last night didn't happen. And it won't happen again."

River turned and retrieved their packs from the storage compartment of the skimmer. "We'll need to walk our way there."

Her clothes were all manner of wrong and unfitness. She'd burn in the sun and her feet would blister, and his Ma would tan his hide for letting a little girl like her have any kind of hurt. "We'll getcha new threads in Gregor. Won't be much, but it'll fit better an' you'll be able ta walk the rest of the way."

With a sigh, River followed Jayne as he continued along the road, keeping pace. He was right, of course. The shoes were too big and her feet slid around in them. That was conducive to blisters if she wasn't careful in how she stepped. And her underclothes were a size too small and the outer clothes were a size too big. She hadn't had anything that fit properly in the past year, not really. Some of the clothes the others had given her had almost fit, but it hadn't been the same. They were lived in already, carrying the memory of another person's body. They didn't curve with her, they didn't flow with her. They merely hung at angles and odds, masking her.

She had thought that Jayne had been able to see past the mask, but apparently she was wrong. Or maybe he had seen her, and was scared of what he had seen. Maybe he didn't trust himself around her, thought he would hurt her.

"I won't break," she said softly, pitched just loud enough for Jayne to hear. He grunted, but otherwise made no sign of hearing. They both kept walking. "I'm stronger than I look. I can take it. I won't break."

"Mind's already broken," Jayne replied cruelly. "Nothing else left to break."

River sucked in a pained breath and blinked back tears.

She had been wrong, then. There was no mask, nothing left to see, nothing to move past. And Jayne hadn't understood a thing.

***

The wall was at her back, and River sighed as Jayne came in for a kiss. His lips roamed her face, tracing the edges of her brows, her cheeks, her nose and her lips. His tongue ran down the outer rim of her ear and sent shivers down her spine. His tongue licked its way down the column of her neck. It felt as though he were setting her on fire, a trail of electric sparks shooting down her spine. She felt him against her, hot and heavy, full of need and the urge to take. She knew the feel of this, remembered it, wanted it as much as she wanted air to breathe. She understood what this kind of feeling meant now, but he had never finished his lesson with her, after all. He had wanted to deny his want, had wanted to push himself down to the level of dirt.

Jayne's tongue swooped down into her mouth, sliding against hers as he spun her away from the wall and walked them to her bed. He laid her down almost gently, heavy lidded eyes burning bright in the dim light. "This didn't happen neither," he murmured, and she nodded enthusiastically. Then she leaned in for another kiss.

He ripped his lips from hers, grinning that wicked grin of his. Eyes wide, River fell backward onto the bed with just the lightest of pushes. Jayne fell on top of her, grinning, and she broke out laughing as he playfully began to kiss a trail down her body. "Can't tell nobody," he said, pushing the skirt of her red dress up and out of the way. She'd always liked dresses, and this just gave her another reason. River sighed happily as Jayne positioned himself between her legs, nudging them apart to give himself room.

Jayne's kisses already made her hot and wet as he slid a finger into her. She shuddered beneath him, gasping as waves of warmth flooded her. And then he brought his mouth to the inside of her thigh, licking down the sensitive flesh. His breath was hot over her skin, and he blew over her moist center. "You gonna say somethin'?" he asked, pausing.

River propped herself up onto her elbows and shook her head. "Nothing happened, so nothing to tell," she said, eyes wide.

"Good girl," he murmured with a grin. Then he bent down to her core, his tongue tracing her wet folds. She arched as his tongue traveled everywhere, tasting her, plunging inside her. River fell back, nerve endings tingling and synapses firing. She gasped when he sucked at her clit, and tilted her hips up to his mouth.

She came, an explosion of stars and white noise buzzing inside her mind. She shivered, trembling beneath him as he crawled up her body to kiss her hungrily.

He kissed her, hands at either side of her head. He pushed himself up as their kiss ended and rose to his knees. He lifted her spread legs, the tip of his cock placed at her entrance. "Please, Jayne," she whispered softly. "Make me your girl."

Jayne rubbed against her, using the motion to position himself. River took in a deep breath as Jayne shifted backward before driving in deep. She gasped, arching up. He pulled her hips closer, feeling her tighten around him. She felt like velvet, warm and soft, tight around him and pulling him in deeper. Their hips moved in instinctive rhythm, his strokes long and slow, all the way out, all the way in. She made incoherent moans, her hands scrabbling at his hips or fisting the sheets as she twisted beneath him.

"Jayne," she whispered softly.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Jayne!"

He shot awake, nearly striking River with his forehead. "Huh? What? What?"

His eyes were wild, and River sat back on her haunches. "You were saying something in your sleep. You were moaning. Was it a bad dream?"

Jayne could barely believe his ears. What? He looked around wildly, not remembering what had happened. Then it sank in as he took in the rocky overhang and the endless expanse of open dirt around them. "Aw _gorram_ it!" he muttered.

River looked at him with that daft moony look of hers. _"Duìbùqî."_

"Nothin' to be sorry for," Jayne muttered, pushing himself up to a sitting position. "Wasn't your fault that the skimmer broke up."

"I meant for–" River broke off as Jayne sat up abruptly, smacking the back of his head into the rocky overhang. "that," she added lamely.

Jayne shot her a sour look as he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah. Guess so." He peered out at the dusty road rather than look at her. The dream had shaken him more than he was willing to admit, and he didn't want to think about it.

"Seems the sun dropped a bit. We'll prob'ly make it on to Gregor without gettin' a nasty burn now." River scrambled out from under the overhang and pulled their packs after her. Jayne caught a flash of too much skin beneath the dress as she crab walked her way out. He swallowed nervously and turned away. "All we gotta do is follow the road. We're only an hour out, so we'll make it just in time for dinner."

The town of Gregor was deserted. There was no sense of life in the entire town, and they began opening random doors looking for people. There were no fresh bodies slumped in corners, no creepifying corpses lying about. There was no sign that there had even been recent burials. The entire town had simply abandoned it.

"Disease," River whispered in the tenth house they've looked through. "It drove them away, they didn't think they were safe."

Jayne nearly backed up a step. "Why didn't you say somethin' before? We coulda caught somethin' and wound up dead ourselves!"

She shook her head. "It died out years ago. All inert now, nothing to harm anyone, but the fear persisted longer than the disease."

Jayne watched River walk around the empty living room. "There was much fear here." She closed her eyes and sighed softly. "Everything is fear here."

"I don't blame 'em none," he muttered, looking around the dusty room. "I guess we won't have much luck on food. But you can go into the general store, see if there's anything left fit to use to hike on to the next town."

River looked up sharply. "That's stealing."

"That's survivin', little girl. An' it ain't stealin' if nobody wants it. Now go look. See if there's any clothes that fit, an' any boots that won't slide off o' your feet."

She blinked in surprise at him, but nodded. She slid from the room and headed for the general store down the street. The house that they had just entered had carried memories for Jayne; he had known someone that lived there once, or someone that lived somewhere similar. It seemed right to leave him some respectful silence.

Jayne didn't notice River leave. He was looking around the house, reminded of the last time he had been in Gregor. He had been nineteen, almost twenty, and one of his cousins had just gotten married. Jayne had never heard from Tammy again, actually. It was almost as if she had fallen out of the family once she got herself married.

_Like Christina would've,_ Jayne thought, staring at a picture on the wall. It was hand painted, lush fields and overgrown fruit trees like he'd never actually seen on Beylix. _Like Crazy might… Mattie don't like the black, an' he'll want to keep a wife close._ Especially a wife that Jayne seemed to have eyes for, even if she was a _feng le_ slip of a thing. He needed to get his mind off of her. There was no knowing if Tammy had died in a place like this from some disease or if she was one of the ones that managed to get out and live somewhere else. And anyway, he hadn't kept track of her, wouldn't know what she looked like now. Other than his Ma and Mattie, Jayne had let the rest of his family slip away from him.

Jayne left the house without another look. There wouldn't be anything edible in the house, and he wasn't the one that needed to reoutift himself. If there was anything left at all, the general store would have it. Maybe the canned foods would have survived. And at the very least, they could have canteens full of well water some sort of wide floppy hat to protect against the sun. There weren't many rock formations on the road between Gregor and Hunting Darren's, so there was no place to nap while the noon sun was high in the sky.

He stamped over to the main part of town, grumbling under his breath. He didn't want to be back on this _gorram_ dustball planet. He'd left it sixteen years ago and he'd been happy to do so. He hadn't come back once since then, had never wanted to. He should've left his _gorram_ mouth shut. Mattie didn't need no moonbrain genius wife. There had to be somebody on this dustball that wanted his baby brother. Mattie wasn't so out of sorts, just sickly. Jayne couldn't remember being sick as Mattie always was, but then again, he hadn't been the one born two months early. The town docs said Mattie's lungs were weak from being born too soon, but he was otherwise healthy. He was whipsmart in ways Jayne would never be, too. He deserved better than what Jayne was going to be bringing him.

When Jayne entered the general store, River was packing things neatly into her bag. She was already in a different dress, and presumably in different underthings that fit better. Jayne wasn't even going to ask; he didn't want to tempt his already agitated mind. His dream from his noontime nap was downright unsettling. The girl was fey, and he didn't want her knowing what was on his mind. Bad enough she didn't see anything wrong with his touching her the night before. He shouldn't have done it, should've been stronger. She wasn't a whore he could play with. She was going to be a sister to him soon enough, and proper people didn't go around touching their sisters like that.

"Done already?" Jayne asked instead.

"I picked out some appropriate clothing," River replied easily. "It fits much better now, but I could not part with some of my other dresses." She frowned. "Inara doesn't think of me if she can help it, but the dresses are nicer than these."

"Well, they weren't fancy Companion folk 'bout these parts," Jayne replied, poking through the tinned goods. It looked as though they had already been picked through.

"There isn't much," River said gently. "They were scared and took much of what was worth taking. But I thought I would help," she added, pointing to a table next to Jayne. He turned and saw boxes of matches, candles, lanterns, rope and new packs meant for hiking long distances. There were six cans of soup and ten tins of salted fish. Jayne's nose wrinkled at the sight. "It's not good, but it's more than we have."

"'S alright," he muttered. He already had lost any appetite he might have had, and it seemed as though River wasn't hungry, either. Jayne began packing the bag, watching River move out of the corner of his eye. She was a little delicate-looking thing, wearing a pink and white floral dress. It did fit her properly, and now that he was looking at her more closely, she didn't seem quite so flat up top. There were a few empty hangers on the racks where the dresses had hung. At least she would be all right. It wasn't normal to be a girl and not have _things;_ his sister had a whole room full of things as a girl and Jayne didn't understand what most of it was for.

_But then, she doesn't need any of it anymore anyhow,_ Jayne's mind supplied nastily, taunting him. _Because you couldn't keep your promises, because you were stupid. An' you ain't never going to stop bein' stupid, are ya?_

River's head snapped up, and she looked over at Jayne. "Jayne?" she asked, voice uncertain.

"Just git packed. I'll look around for useful stuff."

She blinked, still hesitant, but said nothing. He was closing himself off to her, and whatever vulnerable moment she might have had a hint of was gone now. What use was it to be a Reader if she couldn't even Read properly? It wasn't as though telepathy was always accurate. It was rather hit-or-miss most of the time; the really juicy secrets often took time to get at, and she had been visited so often at the Academy that she couldn't help but find a lot of the secrets to keep her company. Secrets made cold comfort, but it was something that the Academy members didn't know about, and they always liked to think they knew everything. _Hush, we know best, Miss Tam. Don't worry about anything._

River felt as if she were closing in on herself. There was no sun in the black to give her life to grow, but here with plenty of sun she was just as trapped. Her wings could not yet unfold, she was still caught within the cocoon. Jayne might have shown her a glimpse of the world beyond herself, but he was too afraid of the outcome, too unsure of his own self. He was a rock, he could not be bent.

River zipped her bag shut. She had found appropriately sized clothes and shoes, socks and underwear. It was strange how she wasn't reminded of home at all. It was as if she couldn't remember wearing the fancy materials on a daily basis, couldn't remember having elaborate and expensive jewelry or pins. Her life began with waking aboard Serenity, and the period of time at the Academy was some waking nightmare she remembered in fragments. She couldn't remember the graduate physics program she had been enrolled in, she couldn't remember the dance recitals or the endless plays she had gone to see with her parents. She couldn't remember tutors and servants and gardeners warning her to keep out of the roses. She couldn't remember helping Simon study for his exams even though she was so much younger than he was and shouldn't have been able to understand the material. All of those vague memories belonged to someone else, someone whole. That someone was not her.

While Jayne looked at the hats and jackets, River wandered over to other forgotten corners of the general store. It hadn't really been picked over, so many of the original displays were undisturbed. There were pretty silver chains and rings, colored glass baubles meant to look like precious stones, and carved stone meant to resemble jade or hematite. She picked up a lamp with its fringe of cut glass teardrops. Light fractured into rainbows around her, and River found herself laughing at the sight. She knew how this worked, once upon a time. She still did. But instead of pure wavelengths, she found herself marveling at the play of color across the room, the way the rainbows tumbled around dizzyingly. Jayne looked up at her and frowned. "Drop that," he ordered. "We don't got time for that."

Startled, the lamp slipped from River's hands and dropped to the floor. Her breath hitched when it did, and shattered glass from the lamp's fringe scattered around her. Jayne reached her in six long strides, and he seized her arm, shaking her roughly. "We ain't taking nothing we can't use. It's a long hike to the homestead. And even you can't carry a whole lot of worthless."

"I was just looking," she said in a tiny voice. She didn't know why she felt so helpless and broken, especially with him. He was just Jayne, and she knew him. He was familiar. He was simple, he was understandable. It was the situation that was odd, it was everything else that was strange. "I liked the rainbows," she whispered.

Jayne looked as though she had struck him, and it startled her. When had her words started to cut like a knife? When had he looked to protect her from himself?

"Just keep it in mind. We gots at least four days of hiking ahead of us. Don't carry nothin' you don't need."

He stalked back over to the hats, and River knelt down amongst the broken pieces of glass. She picked up one intact teardrop and curled it into her palm. She stepped around the broken glass, and peered into the glass case of jewelry. She selected a pretty silver chain and threaded the teardrop charm onto it. She fastened it around her neck, aware of Jayne watching her out of the corner of his eye. She then poked through the different rings on the tray and finally selected one that was fairly good quality, though the stone was just clear glass. She slid it onto her left hand's ring finger and then stepped away from the jewelry case. That was all right. A fake ring for a fake marriage to a fake groom. She watched Jayne open the cash register and take whatever was still in it, and turned her face away. It wasn't stealing if it was abandoned, she told herself. It wasn't wrong if they needed it and no one else wanted it.

She didn't believe it for a second.

"I'll put these outside," River said clearly, picking up the two bags of belongings. She deposited them on the store's porch beside the front door and sat down. There was dry dirt as far as the eye could see, and even when she closed her eyes to it, the red on black behind her eyelids resembled dirt. The sun was going down, and soon that dirt would be cold.

"Hey Crazy," Jayne called from the doorway. His voice was soft, as if he hadn't wanted to startle her. When had she become some fragile thing?

"Jayne?" River opened her eyes and tilted her head up to look at him.

He was holding large canteens, and held them out to her. "We'll need to fill these with water. There's wells around, and they should still be fresh, even if nobody's been here in years. These are for you. I got some o' my own."

River nodded and rolled to her feet. "This girl thanks you. I know just where they are."

Jayne nodded and then ducked back inside to grab canteens for himself. River picked up her bag and put it on. It was a little bulky, but all of her belongings were in it. She hadn't left too much behind in the dressing room, only the things that didn't fit that she could bear to part with. She looked up when Jayne plopped a wide brimmed hat on her head. "Sun's gonna be strong and hot. You'll burn without it. Don't want Mattie thinkin' I didn't do a good job gettin' ya home."

_"Xie xie,"_ River murmured with a soft smile. "Let's get the water, then begin the walk."

Jayne nodded grimly. "Sure."

Four days with Crazy, maybe more. He wasn't sure how he was gonna cope.

***

They made camp near some scrub bushes just past one in the morning. River started a small fire with the matches and helped lay out the sleeping bags Jayne had found. "I got ta sleep before, so you sleep now. I'll take first watch."

"No one around to see," River murmured, but she settled into the sleeping bag anyway. She had hoped the cold would make them huddle together for warmth, but the sleeping bags trapped body heat only too well.

Jayne settled down near the fire, their belongings circling it to keep it from being too visible. "I know what to look for. Just sleep."

"Sleep, perchance to dream. Perchance a night to dream of bliss and belonging."

He wished he could simply tell her to shut it, but he didn't have the heart to. She sounded so lost and little, so unwanted. He knew only too well how that felt, and didn't want to keep pushing her down. She had too much happen to her already.

"Why would a boy Jayne leave his kin?" River asked softly, an arm tucked beneath her head as a pillow. Her eyes were large and luminous in the firelight, and Jayne looked away quickly. "Was it a bad place for a boy?"

"I tole ya. My feet just itched to leave. Ain't nothing to keep me here." Jayne poked at the fire with a stick snapped from the brush. It was a lie, they both knew it was a lie. The silence between them was a tangible thing, something that grew uncomfortable. "There was only too much to drive me off," he said finally, unwillingly. "I couldn't stay no more, and I just left. Didn't have the heart to tell Ma, though I always thought she knew why."

"This was your home," River said softly. "You willingly abandoned your home."

"Well, didn't you? You went to some fancy school an' left home. So what? I got schooled by life."

"The girlhood home was large and imposing. There were fine things, staff and servants, tutors, all those that would bow and obey the parents. But the girl was close to her brother, who cared in all things when the parents could not. Her brother would give her praise or tell her she was silly, and the parents only wanted a working doll to show off and match up to appropriate families. She was a bargaining tool, someone to draw in more wealth. So she dissolved into mathematics and physics, she dissolved into studies esoteric and specific. But they were still too easy, and she fell under the spell of a program that did not exist as she thought it did. The lure was too great, and the river broke asunder."

Jayne couldn't help but stare during her little speech. "They didn't love you?"

"I don't know. Perhaps they thought it was love." Her voice was small and insignificant in the dark, something that only made Jayne feel even more like a _sha gwa chou wan ba dan_ for how he had treated her. "When you speak of your mother or brother, your voice has a sheen of love to it. The kind memory carries in your voice." River shifted in the sleeping bag so that she was on her back, staring up at the nighttime sky. Simon was up there somewhere, sick but healing, and she couldn't feel him anymore. She was alone here. "I do not hear it in my own voice," she continued softly. "Not in regards to my parents. They felt absent, aloof, some kind of person far from me. I did not realize it until this year."

"Sorry, Crazy."

"Nothing to be sorry for," she said softly. She blinked up at the sky, and Jayne couldn't tell if she was crying or not. "You cannot help what cannot be changed. I like to think they did love us, they were proud of us. I like to think they merely could not show it the way you are accustomed to, that they felt more than they displayed."

"Go on and think it then."

"It may not be true, but it is a kinder fiction to carry."

"Yeah," Jayne muttered, voice gruff. He knew his parents had loved him, even when he was stupid. He had never before realized what a luxury that was. "Go ta sleep, Crazy. My Ma will love you. She'll be your Ma from now on."

River closed her eyes against the stars above. _"Xie xie,"_ she whispered.

Jayne stared at the fire for another few hours, lost in thought.

***   
***


	7. Dreaming Through The Twilight

River had woken once or twice in the middle of the night. The first time, she had seen Jayne staring at the fire, a thoughtful look on his face. It was slightly out of place, but River had to admit that she was being mean with that thought. Just because Jayne didn't have book smarts as she did didn't mean he was necessarily stupid. He knew how to survive, knew enough about how people worked without having to learn psychology or be a Reader. He would have been more insightful if he had, but he knew enough to survive pretty well.

The second time she woke up, River was curled into a tiny ball, shivering with cold. It must have been three or four in the morning, when the deepest cold of night set in. The fire was still going, and Jayne had moved from across it to beside her. He was sitting up in his sleeping bag, and was stroking her hair softly. River remembered tangled shadows chasing after her, hands in the darkness grabbing at her, needles being placed into her eyes. She must have made some kind of noise, and Jayne had moved to offer her comfort. It worked, and River settled back into sleep. It was a more comfortable sleep afterward, without any darkness creeping in at the edges.

She had dreamt of his touch. Jayne would touch her in her dreams, his hand tracing lazy circles over her breasts, his breath hot against the skin of her neck. He didn't kiss on the mouth, but there were plenty of other places to kiss. Her dress puddled to the floor, and she was gloriously naked in front of Jayne. "Kiss me," she murmured. He suckled her breast, his teeth nipping playfully at her nipple. His tongue traveled from one breast to the other, one hand moving up to the breast he left behind. One of his hands moved down to the junction of her thighs, and River made a soft mewling noise. She reached down to touch his shoulders, to keep her balance when she thought she would fall. Her hand tightened convulsively in response to his teeth grazing past her skin. Ah, falling may not be so terrible...

But then she was waking, the sun just staining the sky an impossible shade of pink.

With a sigh, River rolled over onto her stomach and pushed herself up. "And dreaming through the twilight that doth not rise nor set, haply may I remember, and haply may I forget."

Jayne looked over at her, irritated as he was packing up their supplies. "What? I have to get yer meds this early?"

Hurt beyond the scope of words, River looked over at Jayne. "I can receive the injection at the proper time. I have no need of an early dose."

Jayne muttered something under his breath, and River looked away to roll up her sleeping bag. It had been nicer in her dream, she decided. Jayne wasn't quite so mean or prickly, and he didn't feel shame for acting upon his desires.

They took up the path and continued alongside it. River let her eyes wander around the terrain, but there weren't any objects that could hold the attention for long. Jayne had been right about large stretches of Beylix; there really was nothing to look at for miles.

Sometime before noon, River looked over at Jayne. "The sands will be coming."

He looked over at her, irritated. "What?"

"We need to stop and create shelter. The dirt and dust is coming together in a cloud... The winds pick it up and will storm around us."

Jayne swore softly. "This wasn't supposed to happen this time o' year." He looked at River's anxious face. "How long we got?"

"Twenty minutes at most."

"Fine. Here's as good a place as any."

They worked quickly, using their packs to pin down the edges of the largest of the blankets. They crawled underneath and settled in. The light that filtered in through the blanket made it seem almost like twilight. Jayne looked at River's anxious face and then at his watch. He trusted her sense of danger well enough by now for things like this. She was a warrior beneath the girlish skin, and she was meant to pick up on anything that might be a threat.

Five minutes later, just as she said it would, the sandstorm began.

Jayne could hear the whistling wind first, and it brought back all sorts of uncomfortable memories he thought he'd been able to forget. There was a whispering sound over the blanket as dirt was thrown against it. Soft at first, a breeze over them. Then the whispering became a whistling, and the dirt flew at them faster. If not for the blanket, the skin could be scoured from their bones in a storm like this. He'd seen it once as a child, and it had been near impossible to identify the poor soul that had been trapped outside. The thing gave him nightmares for years.

River was pressed up against him, her eyes large and luminous in the strange twilight. "I can't tell if it will last long."

Jayne had never been the praying type, but now would've been a good time to start. She was too close, and her legs folded beneath her were bare. He was leaning back on his arms, his legs sprawled out in front of him, and River was just inside his arm's length. He blinked, and she shifted so that she was curled up around him, her head resting on his chest lightly. Jayne tried to sit up, but she shifted along with him. _Gorram_ it, how was he supposed to not react to this? How was he supposed to let her go?

"Your thoughts are painful," River murmured. "I can't hear them, I don't feel the words in them now. But I _feel_ them, and I know what that's like."

"You don't got no clue..."

"Alone. Pain. Nobody understanding the emptiness beneath the shell. No one seeing beyond their expectations. No one caring if the end was desired, if the journey was worth the wait. No one to go home to, no one waiting." River tilted her head to look into Jayne's eyes. "I _feel_ it, I can't not. And I know what that kind of pain is like. I can't not know if I live it."

"You got your brother," Jayne said, voice gruff.

"So do you."

"Ain't the same," Jayne protested, shaking his head.

"You don't allow it," River replied simply. She was curled around his right side, her left arm around his ribs and her right hand over his heart. "You present a facade, you deny others a chance to see within. You protect the ones you love with distance, and supply material goods in the place of emotional goods. But it does not protect, not in the way you think."

"Hush up. We gotta hear when the storm ends," Jayne muttered, uncomfortable. "And why you gotta touch me like that? Ain't proper."

River burrowed her face into the crook of his neck. She fit against him tightly, as though she had always been there. Her right hand slowly traced its way from his heart to his groin. "If you need comfort, why not take it?"

Jayne was still, his breath hissing in between clenched teeth. Damn if that hand didn't feel what he had wanted to hide. "Ain't right," he growled. He grabbed at her right hand and pushed it away from his aching groin.

"You ground me," River whispered against the skin of his throat. She held onto him tightly, and Jayne could feel the burn of hot tears against his bare flesh. "They sometimes think too loud, and I feel every word press in on me. This girl finds it difficult to get past the sharp thoughts skating beneath the surfaces. She needs something less than the shouts of a crowd. The black is less hurtful, more space. It's less crowded, and she is able to try and piece herself back together. They say she should fly, she can unfurl her wings and move beyond the shattered pieces. But this girl is having difficulties. She is being left behind, though they can't help it and don't mean it. They don't understand, and they're frightened of what they cannot understand. They don't know how thoughts can be wild and reckless, sharp and hurtful. They don't understand how she can't shut it out, can't keep from drowning in deep darkness. They think in too many tracks, don't understand that I can't keep them straight. It's all confusion threatening to rise."

Jayne hesitantly brought his arm up to her shoulder and patted it. "Don't know how to help you there, Crazy."

"You ground me," River repeated softly. Her lips were just against his skin, and he suppressed a violent shiver. "You bring me back from twilight, keep it simple for me to track. You are direct, a rock in the tangle of thoughts." Her touch was soft and dangerous. "You bring me comfort," she whispered against his skin. "You take my pain away. I only wish to return the honor however I can, and I don't have much. You give me calm, and this calms you." Her hand returned to his groin, and she stroked the bulge there gently. "I want to thank you. I want to help, to quiet your sharp thoughts. You are a rock, you are what I wish to be."

_Don't say that,_ he wanted to say. _I ain't nobody's wish, nobody's fit for me. I'm a worthless piece of _go se,_ everybody says so._

"Sh... She does not believe it. Jayne is obsidian, veined mica, basalt, granite. Jayne could hold the stars if he wished."

"Don't say that," Jayne choked. "I ain't no hero."

"No. You're not," River replied softly, still stroking him gently. "But you are more than you think you are, and you see me as more than I think I am. This girl is worthy in your eyes, this girl can deserve kith and kin."

She smelled like sweat and flowers, her hair was soft against his cheek. Her entire hip could fit against him, and her thighs would part willingly.

"Mebbe," Jayne responded. He swallowed, and moved her hand away from him. "But you ain't for me, and I ain't nobody's idea of virtuous." She didn't know how much it hurt to push her away, to protect her from her own stupidity. But it wasn't her fault. She didn't know the way of it, she didn't know how it was supposed to be. The girl didn't know much of anything but getting her brain cut up and programming bits put in. She could fight with the best of them, but she didn't know how to use it.

"I don't need virtue," River whispered. "I need comprehension."

"Tell me about the Core," Jayne said, voice low. If she would be distracted, this madness could end and he could hand her off to Mattie. No harm, no foul, no one the wiser. The wind continued to howl and hurl dirt around them. There would be no reprieve for some time. "Tell me what it was like bein' fancy."

"They still know how to hurt. The casual cruelties of inattention, the latency of love festering into oblivion. I can't feel them, I never did. And Simon is lost, beyond the reach of this girl. She can't see if he is alive or dead, and her heart aches. There is no filial piety, only fraternal piety. She cannot gather thoughts into patterns regarding structures that did not exist."

Did not exist. Jayne shut his eyes against the twilight. "Sounds rough."

"I did not know it then. I hadn't seen the possibilities, hadn't known that other patterns existed."

"Tell me," Jayne muttered, his hand sliding down her back. She was too comfortable against him, too soft and sweet, too trusting. He would break her without knowing it, he would ruin whatever was left of her.

And god help him, he wanted to. He _really_ wanted to.

River slipped her hand back down between his legs, her touch light and maddening. "How do I explain the intangible? You can't know how it feels to caress a falling star, you can't explain how it is when reality shifts and trembles." Her lips were against his skin, her breath a warm ghost caressing him. She shifted slightly against him, and Jayne could feel every inch of her that was pressed up against him. "There's too much light, you can't see the stars at night. There's not enough black, not enough space. People live in and over and under each other, a sprawling mass of humanity breathing in the fear of communication."

"They don't like talkin'?" Jayne asked, trying to grasp something besides the feeling of her hand rubbing up against him. He should have stopped her, he should have pushed her away. But his right arm instead cradled her hips, keeping her still.

"You can't dance beneath the moon, can't feel the end of night begin to fall. The buildings climb high, spires up against the sky. The nights aren't magic there, you can't dance to starlight. It was a different kind of magic at home. Papa Bear and Mama Bear perched at the castle top, looking down from above and rendering judgment. And Littlest Bear was trying to be practical, and Little Bear thought he could be. But then he was sent away, couldn't be at home and school at once anymore, couldn't keep the Littlest Bear company. She started going away herself, and she started losing touch with that Bear Magic." Something in River's voice broke, and Jayne tilted his head back. He wished he could see her eyes, know what she was thinking. But her hands were steady, and her breath remained warm against his skin.

"You still got some, don'tcha?"

"The magic is different, the spells don't have words anymore. You could be next to someone and not touch their soul, not know their heart. You see their eyes but not behind them, your gaze slides over them and in an instant they're no longer there."

"Crazy...." Jayne began, his voice raspy and fearful. "Ya gotta stop touching me like that."

"Take this comfort," River whispered against his ear. Her breath tickled, a moist caress across his earlobe. Her hand was still closed around his clothed cock in a gentle fist. His eyes rolled back in his head at the sensations and could hear a growl deep in his throat. "It's all right. You held back nightmares for me, touched me to keep me grounded. I would have been swallowed up by night otherwise. Let me thank you. Let me touch you. Let me make you real as well."

Jayne kept his eyes shut. He couldn't see this happening; that would make it real. If it wasn't real, just some strange twilight dream, then there was nothing to be ashamed of. River's voice was soft against his ear, steady and lulling. It wouldn't be so bad. He wasn't inside of her, wasn't tasting her on his tongue, wasn't taking anything he shouldn't be. Jayne squeezed his eyes shut even tighter as his hand seemed to move of its own volition, sliding down her smooth backside. Her breath fractured when his hand tightened around her buttock, pulling her closer against him. He turned his head slightly, found that curve where neck met shoulder. His mouth closed down over her skin, his tongue finding her pulse. It beat erratically, fast and sure against his tongue. His other hand moved to balance her against him, but fell against her breast.

"Take what you need," River murmured, her breath coming in tiny gasps of pleasure. "I know this now, this makes us feel real. This brings us back to ground."

Her breast was cupped in his palm. He liked the heft of it, the nipple pebbling beneath her dress as her own desire mounted. It was wrong, it was so wrong, he shouldn't have been doing it, but he couldn't help himself. Jayne dragged his thumb over the nipple, feeling her mouth fall open against his neck in a gasp. Her hand tightened around his cock, and suddenly he wanted to feel her hand against his skin. He wanted to bury his fingers within her wet heat, wanted to lick her arousal off of his fingers and have her scream his name.

"Jayne," she whimpered, shifting within the circle of his arms. He could feel her press against his hand more insistently, and her touch became a mite harder as her own desperation began to climb.

"Slow it down some," Jayne murmured, his voice a rumble against her. She sucked in a ragged breath and forced her hand to slow down.

He licked his way across her collarbone, then moved on down. He suckled her breast through the pretty floral dress and right-fitting bra, his teeth nipping at the hidden nipple. She made a soft keening noise, curling herself up around him as best as she could. River's hand was maddeningly slow, steady as steady could be. Her fingertips skated across the material holding him in place, and the too-sensitive head was already leaking. She could feel the ghost of wetness rising through his pants, and gave the spot an extra touch. Jayne's right hand tightened around her buttock in response, and he took more of her breast into his mouth.

River made a soft whimpering noise, her hair cascading down around them. "Oh... stay with me here. I want you here... keep me anchored."

Oh yeah. He was going to that special hell Book used to talk about.

Jayne inhaled deeply at the rough sound of her voice. She smelled like sex, felt soft and sweet against him. The memory of how she felt at the High Key haunted him, and whatever might've been thinking in his brain immediately shut down. Jayne wasn't known for smarts in any case, and she had plenty enough smarts for the both of them anyways. If she said it was okay to touch, then it had to be okay. He wasn't hurting her none, and she seemed to be hungry for touches. Maybe those fancy Core parents never hugged her. Maybe they never told her how amazing she was. Whatever it was, she needed to be held, needed to be touched. She thought it kept her steady, and maybe it did. She didn't seem as crazy as she had been even a month ago.

Maybe he didn't have to give her up? Maybe no one would notice her with him. No one would ask annoying questions, and he wouldn't have to examine his motives too closely. But then he came, spilling inside of his pants. His fractured thinking ended, and reality came crashing down around him. He had a mouthful of crazy girl breast, and his hands were _this close_ to sliding inside of her soaked panties.

"Oh," she murmured softly. "It felt lovely."

Jayne didn't know how to respond, didn't even want to try. The wind outside kept howling, and there was a steady trickle of dirt that crept through rips in the blankets. He was trapped with her, with the soft scent of an aroused woman.

_Gorram_ it, he was a stupid, stupid man.

"You should try being yourself instead of the fearsome front you put up."

"Ain't no front, little girl."

River stroked his cheek gently. "I can feel different sides of you. You press against my heart."

"Don't say that," Jayne hissed, pushing her away. She tumbled back, away from him. She looked on him with hurt eyes. "Don't lookit me like that."

"I want to know you are within reach," River whispered. "Familiarity within unfamiliarity."

"You'll be stayin' on here," Jayne muttered. "Mattie don't like flyin'."

River's breath was shallow, and her eyes slid away from his. She blinked rapidly. "I want to curl up around you now, rest my head on the curve of your neck, and sleep."

"Nuh-uh. That's what started this messiness here."

"Not messy," River whispered. "Just... you are stone, and I wish I were stone. I wish I could recapture days long past, the magic of bygone days."

Knowing he would regret it later, Jayne reached out for her. "Fine then." He pulled her close, her back to his chest, and cradled her gently. "Sleep like this."

She burrowed into his embrace, tucking her head into the crook of his neck. He could feel damp eyelashes against his skin. "She may rest now."

Jayne sighed. "Yeah. You do that."

Outside, the wind continued to howl.

***

River must have been dreaming, since Gabriel Tam was in the bed next to Simon's at St. Lucy's on Ariel. He was lying in the bed, pale and still, various monitors attached to leads and keeping track of his heart rate. Simon and Kaylee were in the other half of the room, looking over at him with confusion. Mal and Zoe entered the room, and Mal seemed to be smirking. "Looks like you two got a new roomie here."

"What's going on here?" Simon asked. His fingers wiggled a bit, River was pleased to notice.

"Well, it seems the proud papa got a little upset seeing his bouncing baby boy not so bouncing," Mal replied, grabbing a chair and sitting down. "Found the man in the lobby looking ready to keel over and be sick." He shrugged. "Seemed like bringing him down to the ER was the right proper thing to do."

Simon sighed. "Someone will have to wave my mother. She never did take well to surprises."

"I'll ask Jason if he can set up a wave for me," Kaylee said, getting up. She squeezed Simon's hand and smiled at him. "I'll be real nice, Simon."

"I know," he said, smiling at her. "She's all right. Just... quiet, I suppose. I don't remember her really talking to us much as children."

_She had no heart to give us,_ River thought sadly. _If there is no longer any soul, there is no heart, and she could not speak. There was nothing left of her before we even existed, nothing to care for us any longer._

Kaylee was smiling at Simon with her "don't be silly" expression. "I'll be all right. It'll just take a little bit and I'll be right back."

Simon looked at Mal and Zoe after she left. "What did they say in the ER?"

"It's a rule-out-something-or-other," Mal replied.

"ACS," Zoe supplied.

Simon sighed. "He looks just like the type, too."

"And this ACS is what?"

Simon looked over at Mal. "Acute coronary syndrome. Heart attack, angina, one of those."

"We thought so," Zoe said. "Don't have a fancy name for it, though."

"Most of medicine has some other term for words you're used to using."

"Really? Seems pretty useless," Mal said. "Seems like a body wouldn't know what you're talkin' bout if you use the big words."

"Doctors know," Simon said softly.

Mal and Zoe exchanged a look. River tried to drift closer to her father's bed, but he was too motionless and her spirit kept bouncing back toward Simon.

"What are we going to do about him?" Simon asked, worried. "He's already disowned me, and he made it clear what he thought of me before I left. He didn't want to get involved." He looked over at the other bed, and River was allowed to move closer to it. "I didn't want it to be like this. I mean.... I hated him for what he said, for allowing them to take River away and not believing she might be in trouble. I wanted to hit him...." His eyes slid to Mal's, and the look on his face was one of guilt. "But I didn't want him to be like this."

"Doctor downstairs didn't think it was going to be fatal."

"Most of the time, heart attack patients aren't unconscious immediately after. Not unless there were some kind of complications setting in."

"You know what I think?" Mal asked, head cocked to the side. He continued on without waiting for an answer. "You're a doctor, so you know too _gorram_ much. So of course you're thinking the worst. He's just sleeping."

Simon sighed. "I wish he could just understand why I did it..."

River bent her head down next to her father's ear. His breathing was soft and shallow; he was dreaming. Subconscious learning and behavioral modification were best applied during the dream state, River remembered. _Apply this tape in conjunction with that one for the best effect. We want our star pupil at peak performance before the Senators come to visit._

River blinked away the half forgotten memory and focused on her father. She began to whisper in his ear. He would be more receptive to Simon with this knowledge. It would burn through his dreams, stain his memories and poison his complacency. His resolve to hate them would crumble, and he would have to admit that the great Gabriel Tam was wrong. He had been lied to, he was not too great to be used. Even bishops could be sacrificed for the perceived greater good, and he could not delude himself into thinking he was anything better than a bishop.

_Leave me here the way I was before. I don't want to see, I don't want to know. There wasn't supposed to be anything wrong, she was supposed to bring glory within the Alliance to the proud Tam name..._

Gabriel's mind squirmed against hers, and River pushed harder. He hurt them, he burned a hole in Simon's gut that shouldn't have been there. He left them behind, he let the Academy take her and stick needles into her brain and cut away the parts that made her an innocent.

_Fight your way through. This is your mission. We expect great things of you..._

Pens could be such wonderful tools in the right hands.

_I'm sorry if we appear cruel, child, but sometimes we need to appear so in order to do what's best. Trust us... we know what's best for you,_ Regan Tam had once said, just before River had gone to the Academy. It had been the first time Regan had seemed to take an interest in River. She had mindlessly parroted Gabriel, not thinking about the consequences. Sometimes, she simply didn't think. It was easier to let him lead, easier to back down and watch silently. Don't act, don't think, don't be, and it won't hurt. _The sacrifice of blood and life will save us. They'll let it pass, they'll forget what they originally asked for..._

Gabriel hadn't understood what Regan had been saying, had led her away. River had stood there alone at the gate to the Academy. Then it was the beginning of the end...

"Every place has its own logic, its own sequence, its own set of rules. You have to know them if you want to work within them. And this is the logic of the Academy..."

***

When River seemed to shift around uneasily in her sleep, Jayne pulled her closer against him. He held her, cradling her head in his hands. She stilled, and curled even tighter against him. _You ground me,_ she had said. _You bring me comfort. You take my pain away._

Rutting hell. When did that happen? When did she come to need him so much?

And when did he start wanting to be there for her?

Unsettled, Jayne waited for the storm to end.


	8. Realizations

"I only wanted what's best for you," Gabriel Tam began. His voice felt thick and slurred to his own ears, though he simply sounded defeated to everyone else. "It's what parents do."

"You were supposed to protect us," Simon murmured. Of all the times to start a conversation like this, Gabriel had to do it after his Physical Therapy session. Simon was so _gorram_ tired he was almost tempted to shout _"Bi zui!"_ at his father and be done with it. But he held his tongue; some habits died hard.

"We did!" Gabriel insisted. "We were trying to protect you from yourself! You threw everything away, and for nothing."

Simon grit his teeth. "River is not nothing."

Gabriel shook his head and pushed himself up to a sitting position with some difficulty. "You don't understand. She was fine. She was merely in training. You disrupted that. Can you imagine it, those Alliance troops at our door, asking about you?"

"So sorry for the inconvenience, Father," Simon said bitterly. Gabriel flinched at the sarcasm. "I'll be sure to warn you the next time I decide to declare myself a fugitive when saving my sister. I'll make sure not to disturb your social schedule," he added nastily.

Gabriel gaped at his son. The adoration was long since gone; Simon had hardened. He was no longer an innocent. "You don't understand."

"You keep saying that," Simon spat, "but you're the one that refuses to listen. You believed their lies and let them _torture_ her and turn her into a weapon!"

Gabriel was shocked to silence. "You still believe that?"

"I was _there,"_ Simon hissed. "I saw it. They were so proud of their prized pupil, how well she took to the behavior mods, how fast she was in the training rounds. They _cut her brain apart,_ they destroyed her ability to tune out extraneous information and they turned her into a paranoid schizophrenic. It wasn't training, _Father._ You don't train someone to be psychotic!"

"No," Gabriel murmured, shaking his head. "They showed me the outline, we saw the training clips. They wouldn't lie to _me."_

Simon sighed and looked away. "You were just a pawn, Father. You're as dispensable as everyone else."

"I'm a _goddamn_ Tam!" Gabriel roared, his face a mask of fury. "We _built_ Osiris, the Alliance owes us!"

"Well then," Simon murmured, unperturbed. "Someone forgot to tell them that."

Gabriel grit his teeth. If he were of lesser status, he would have growled at his son. "Tams have always made up the backbone of Osiris society. You threw that all away."

"Yes I did. I'd do it again, too."

"It's a waste of your talent!" he cried.

Simon smiled at his father grimly. "I was never a doctor for glory. I wanted to _heal_ as much as I wanted you to be proud of me. And if I can't have it, then I might as well heal."

Gabriel shook his head. "What's happened to you? You were a good son once, a proper son."

_Proper don't matter none in the black,_ Kaylee had told him. Simon had protested at the time, but he had slowly grown to see her point. In his year on the run, Simon had changed a lot. He just hadn't realized it until now.

"I grew up and realized you're not who I thought you were. I've changed, but you haven't, and you probably never will. Tam men are stubborn."

"A year ago you never would have disrespected me this way."

"A year ago, I did just that. I directly disobeyed you and gave River a chance at life again. And I've made sure you will never have that kind of hold over her."

Gabriel took in Simon's set jaw and fierce gaze. He had seen it before, just before Simon had disappeared with River. His blood ran cold at the sight. "What have you done?"

Simon turned away from his father. "I'm tired now, I need rest. It speeds my healing. When Kaylee returns, be nicer to her."

_"What have you done?"_ Gabriel shouted.

Simon merely smiled in the face of his father's discomfort. "She's safe from you. You won't be able to find her, and there is nothing you can do about it."

Angry beyond words, Gabriel watched his son close his eyes and pretend to sleep.

If he wasn't standing up to him, Gabriel might have been proud.

***

 

Once the sandstorm stopped, River and Jayne collected their things and continued toward Hunting Darren's. The rest of the walk that day was rather uneventful. River looked at Jayne a few times when his thoughts grew too riotous. He dutifully ignored her looks. She seemed to be confused, which sat fine with him. A confused River was safer to deal with than an enraged one, and Jayne was not stupid. He let her wonder about him, and tried to keep his thoughts under better control. The _feng le_ girl didn't need to know what he was thinking about, especially since she seemed to be on his mind.

"All your mental armor drags me down," she murmured at him during their dinner break. "I can't feel the edges anymore, they're all soft and blurred."

"Stop lookin' for my thoughts," Jayne growled in response.

"I don't look. But they catch me, they hold me. I cannot help what I hear, fragments over time and shining at me." River sipped at the last of her water and frowned. "I thought I had partitioned myself better than this. I did the math…"

"Math don't help in desert," Jayne replied, handing over his second canteen. "Take half o' that."

He watched as River carefully portioned out the water. He took back his canteen, careful not to let their fingers touch. _"Xie xie,"_ she whispered.

"Don't mention it. Mattie will have my head if I get his girl hurt." Jayne ignored her frown and finished the last of his makeshift supper. He hadn't been this underfed in a good long time, and it only served to sharpen his more painful memories. This was what it had been like on the run sixteen years ago. While the little _feng le_ girl was in the lap of luxury and getting taught everything she wanted to know, he learned to get by with no formal schooling, a big gun and an intimidating look.

"We are walking the line drawn between here and there," River said softly, helping Jayne clean up their mess. "Fighting for balance in the dark… Are we alone?"

Jayne stood up and gave an inaudible sigh. "Ain't seen no raiders yet. But it's gotten worse 'round these parts since I left, and I don't think it's worth them staying." He shook his head. "Never thought I'd say it, but this rock got worse without me in it."

River touched the ragged edge of her hair almost self consciously. "Will you carry the burden the world has grown as well as the one that weights you down?"

Jayne looked at her, confused. "Huh? What's going on in that head of yours?"

River sighed and her hands dropped to her sides. "You can give this one more try if you wish it," she murmured softly. "They will bury me deep under a thousand concerns, not once seeing the fractured selves of me. They will see the frame and not the content, and I know that they will not understand. But you see it, I know you do."

Jayne kicked dirt over the remains of their makeshift fire. "Don't matter what I see anymore. Come on, it's not that much farther to go. We'll be at the homestead in no time."

Eyes cast downward, River fell into step beside him without another word.

They walked a bit farther into the night before settling down to make up for lost time. Jayne was just inside arm's reach as River crawled into her sleeping bag. "Keep me safe," she whispered to him desperately. They would arrive the next day, and she was nervous.

"Of course," Jayne said. He patted her head gently. "It'll be all right, I promise." He could have kicked himself afterward for saying such a thing when he had no right to, but it calmed her down a little. She smiled at him, her fragile and gentle one, the one that made him think all kinds of uncomfortable thoughts. "You'll like them. Ma and Mattie'll take care o' you. And there's aunts and uncles and cousins and things all around. Lots of Cobbs in Hunting Darren's and thereabouts so you don't have to worry none."

"What if they don't like me?" River whispered, her eyes huge with worry.

"Ma will love you. She loves girls, playing with 'em and brushing hair and whatnot. Whatever girls do. Too many boys in the house, she always said. We outnumbered 'em."

There were flashes of long brown hair and blue eyes and laughter before pain shot through the fragment of memory; River winced at it.

"Hey now," Jayne said, concerned at River's expression. "Wasn't too bad. I was oldest of eight, you know."

"I didn't."

"Well, I was. Had to take care of everybody, that's the way of it. But times was rough, and you can't help it when illness comes along."

He thought of Christina, and that hadn't been an illness. Jayne was startled when River touched his hand gently. "What makes it better?" River asked softly.

"Huh?"

She shook her head after a moment. "Never mind."

_Most of 'em died,_ Jayne wanted to say. _All's left now for Ma to take care of is me and Mattie and you._ But he didn't speak, and found himself stroking her hair gently. River's eyes fluttered closed, and soon her breath evened out.

_There's me, Charlie, Tina, Will, Jake, Robbie , Mattie and little Alex, dead before the month was even out. Not much family to give you, not when most of 'em all dead and gone. But what I've got to give, you can have, too. I got comfy out in the black, but sometimes you need to know you got steady kin someplace safe._

Jayne settled in to sleep, a hand resting gently over River's shoulder. He didn't dream of anything but the deep darkness of space speckled with stars.

***

Kaylee met Regan Tam at the city's docking bay. They had chatted for a bit when Kaylee had informed Regan of the heart attack, and Kaylee recognized her right away. "Hey there. Let's get on the transport back to the hospital. Simon'll be so glad to see you."

"Really?" Regan murmured. She gathered the edges of her cloak tighter around her and followed Kaylee to the transport station.

"O' course," Kaylee chirped. "Over here, number sixteen." She checked the posted transport times. "Another five minutes to wait."

"I'll pay for private transport," Regan said, her head held high. Kaylee was reminded of when she first met Simon. Regan was proper in the extreme.

Regan sat silent in contemplation in the hired private transport. She let Kaylee's incessant chatter wash over her. She barely absorbed its content; nothing mattered anymore, and she had never needed to know anything anyway. Gabriel had taken care of everything, handling all of the details. Regan didn't even know how much it cost to run their estate. She had been kept in the dark about so much.

"You must think I talk too much," Kaylee said after a moment. "You can tell me to stop, you know."

"I like it here. Sounds like water, keeping me from thinking."

Kaylee sighed. "It's not pretty, Mrs. Tam, but Simon is a fighter. He'll beat this."

Regan nodded and let her voice wash over her again. The dark buildings and teeming humanity in the streets were almost overwhelming. She hadn't left Osiris in years, hadn't been in any large city in years.

Kaylee led her to the hospital, up to the general medical floor where Simon and Gabriel Tam were sharing a room on Telemetry.

Regan stood in the doorway for a moment, watching Kaylee go to Simon's side. She gave him a loving kiss on the cheek, then smiled up at Regan. "He's doing great."

"Is it Doctor Sang or Doctor Toi?" Simon asked, struggling to shift his position.

"No, silly," Kaylee said as she helped prop him up.

"Mother?" Simon asked incredulously, seeing his mother in the doorway.

"My little boy," Regan murmured. "You labor so, and it pains me." She stopped partway into the room, her eyes sliding over and past Gabriel, who was asleep.

"Mother… But you never leave Osiris."

"You are my child, bone from my body. Of course I would come to your aid."

Simon kept himself from frowning. There was something just a little bit off about her, something that didn't quite match his memories. He couldn't place it, but it was like a tickle in the back of his mind. She seemed… lost, somehow. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was the defeated expression on her face, the sense about her that there was nothing good in her life anymore. She had always seemed to be so bright and beautiful, the very image of perfection. Maybe because Simon was no longer a child, he was able to finally see beneath the social veneer. How sad it was to finally lose the last of his illusions.

"It was difficult," Regan murmured softly. "I couldn't understand why you were behaving that way. I thought it a poor prank to play on your family."

"Mother, it was never a prank. Whatever they told you, they were wrong."

"I always had the sense that there was something about you different from us, and I suppose that's all it was. You think differently. You value differently. Gabriel could never stand something different or out of order. It all had to fall into line."

"I had to," Simon said slowly, earnestly. "I had to save River."

"She's changed, hasn't she?"

Simon watched his mother sit down delicately on a chair. She was so different from Zoe or Mal; they fell into furniture or rested heavily. His mother floated down gracefully, every move poised. How different she was, and how strange it seemed now. "She's changed a lot, but I think she's better now. She's stable."

Regan shook her head and leaned slightly forward. "Simon, you can't fix the world. Not everything is meant to be fixed."

Kaylee took Simon's hand in hers and squeezed it. "Well, not fixing then. But kinda helping her find her way back to where she was. Like we're doin' for Simon now. He got hurt, but the doctors are lookin' to get him on his feet and using his hands again."

Oh, how it had hurt to not be able to move his own hands. He was a surgeon, after all, and his hands were his livelihood. His future rested literally on his hands; if he couldn't be a doctor anymore, what good was he to Serenity?

"Why don't you come home to recuperate? There are the health spas, wonderful treatments available. We can have you helped in comfort. Even Kaylee can come with you for support. Wouldn't that be preferable to a hospital like this? It's… dirty, and crowded and full of noise. That can't be restful."

That sounded like the Regan Tam Simon remembered, and the scared part of him relaxed. Some things changed, but other things never did. "This is a very good hospital. And my friends are here already."

Regan looked doubtful. "Simon, your friends are at home. We've worried about you when you went missing. I never told them your father disinherited you, but I worried about you so much. I couldn't understand it…"

"I couldn't leave River where she was," Simon said softly. "I know what Father thinks, that it was a great stepping stone into Alliance influence. But the training programs weren't what we were told, and she was being tortured. I couldn't leave her there like that. I just couldn't."

Regan touched Simon's face gently. "You were always too kind a soul to be Gabriel's son," she murmured, eyes locked on his confused face. "Yet you were. Perhaps you were born of some lost fragment of his heart, before he locked it all away. You have to let go of it, Simon. You'll be safer if you stop caring. He'll break you as best as he can, he'll pull you back in and then you will be just as lost as he is. He will see to that."

"Mother…"

"And she's lost to us already. You have to accept that. She's changed now, too much. She's not my daughter any longer."

Simon stilled, ignored the feel of his mother pushing his hair out of his face. "What are you saying?" he asked, fear coloring his voice.

"They've altered her, Simon, you have to accept that. She's different now, changed. She's not the same and can never be. She's not my daughter. My daughter left to get more schooling in some obscure field and she never returned." Regan leaned backward in her chair, her gaze soft and unfocused. "It's hard, but you have to accept it. It's the truth. She is no longer my daughter, and she will never be so again."

"You can't mean that!" Simon cried. He wanted to shake her, to slap her, strike her hard and make her see that she couldn't abandon River. "River needs us!"

Kaylee watched Simon's agitated expression and his hand flop around toward his mother, landing in her lap. Her eyes widened; it was the first time he had been able to move more than his fingers. "Simon…"

"No," Simon said firmly. "You can't abandon her, Mother. She _needs_ us. She needs her family and she needs us to support her in what she wants to do. She's only ever wanted to make you and Father proud. How can you just ignore her?"

Regan touched Simon's face gently, serene as ever. She didn't seem to notice his upset or discomfort. "Because she's not meant for us any longer, Simon. You seem to have not noticed that. All the plans in the world won't help us save her now. She's lost to us, and no longer belongs to us. It's time you realized it. She's not my daughter, she's not your sister. She's not River anymore."

"I don't accept that!"

This time Simon noticed his own flopping hand, and his breath stilled. "I can't accept it."

"You must," Regan murmured, voice soft and calm. "It's time to grow up."

And then suddenly Simon knew where he had seen that expression before, and his mind seemed to simply stop.

River.

His mother had odd spells when he was a child, and had periods where his father had closeted her away with tonics and glasses of strange drinks he had never been allowed to touch. His mother had periods of distance and ethereal calm, as if the world could never touch her. Sometimes her speech had been stiff and stilted, sometimes ornate and flowery with effusive praise. Sometimes she had stared into space and didn't respond; as a child, he and River had danced around her and then run off, thinking it was a game.

But it wasn't a game, and it had never been a game.

It was slowly dawning on him, and it was a horrible thought. What if the Academy hadn't created the schizophrenia? What if River was always meant to be that way, that her impressive knowledge and abilities had just been part of a prodromal period? There have been records of very functional paranoid schizophrenics, the psychosis controlled by medication and regular followup with a doctor. What if they had simply triggered an event that was always meant to happen? His father had always told Regan to be silent, to follow his direction. He had always been firm with her, had never allowed flights of fancy. Gabriel had always fiercely tamped down on wild imaginations, even in himself.

What if it had always been present? What if the Alliance wasn't to blame?

It was a horrid thought, but now it was one Simon couldn't let go of.

***

Jayne led River along the last stretch of road into Hunting Darren's. The town looked exactly as it had when he had left it all behind sixteen years ago, only the dock area looked even more deserted than it used to. The junk yard was still there, with Old Man Hunter's hand painted sign up top. The road to the mine was just as dusty and empty. The stores were few and small, and it almost felt as if sixteen years melted away. Jayne was twenty years old again, the world at his feet and anything was going his way. Only, it had never really gone his way, and he really wasn't twenty years old again.

Damn, he was old. Too old to be thinking thoughts about a little bitty slip of a girl that was under his protection.

He took her past the town's main street and continued walking past the sign "You are now leaving Hunting Darren's." River shot him a strange look, but he ignored it and kept walking.

"Your family lives in Hunting Darren's, don't they?" she asked when he refused to speak.

"It's an old sign. Cobbs always been past the old town line, in Hunting Hollow. Don't nobody call it that, just Darren's. The town was pretty big before I left, so it was all put together as Hunting Darren's. Nobody pays attention to signs anymore." Jayne sounded irritated and impatient, and River resisted the urge to pull on his arm like a child.

"I comprehend," she replied instead. He grunted, and pointed out a turn in the road. The signpost at the crossroads indicated that the main street was simply Broadway, and the new street was Chestnut Lane. They walked past three rather large homesteads, and Jayne finally pointed to the fourth one at the end of the lane.

The house was old, a large farmhouse with a sloped roof above the second story. There was a shaded wraparound porch that sagged a little in the front, as though generations of feet had worn the boards smooth. The house had once been painted forest green and brick red, but the paint had long since been worn away. There was a barn and silo in the back, a fenced in area with a few horses grazing and a wheat field off to the right of the house. Just to the left of the house was a garden with vegetables and a few straggling rose bushes that hadn't flowered. It wasn't just a house, River decided, but a _home._

They trudged up the long entranceway, and he knocked on the front door with a closed fist. The sound reverberated through the house.

Soon she could hear footsteps, and she backed up slightly. Jayne should meet his kin first.

A woman half a head shorter than Jayne with graying black hair answered the door. She had the same blue eyes, and looked to be about sixty. Those blue eyes widened, and she dropped the towel she had been carrying. "Jayne?"

"I'm just back to visit, Ma," Jayne said uneasily, weight shifting from foot to foot. "Was in a hurry, so I didn't write first."

Ma Cobb grinned at him unabashedly. "As if you needed an invitation to get home! Come in, come in!" She looked beyond Jayne and saw River behind him. The girl was dirty and sweaty, her hair hanging in straggling tangles, but she seemed awful young and uncertain. "And who's this?" she asked, looking past Jayne.

"It's River, Ma. I gotta talk to you about her..."

"Oh, get inside. Afternoon's almost over." She gave Jayne a gentle shove, and let him enter the house carrying his packs. She turned to River. "River?" The girl nodded hesitantly. "So nice to meet you. I'm Vera. Come on in."

River blinked in surprise as her gaze slid toward Jayne. The mercenary was studiously arranging his packs on the floor and wouldn't meet her eyes. River looked back at Vera Cobb and smiled gently. She curtsied deeply. "I am most honored to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Cobb, and I do hope that you will be glad to have met me."

Vera laughed merrily and ushered her into the house. "Come on in, any friend of Jayne's is welcome in this house. Jayne, I hadn't seen ya in so long, I never thought I'd see you again!" She caught him around the waist and gave him a tight hug. "My baby boy."

"It's Mattie," Jayne protested, looking embarrassed. River was grinning at him madly, and he wanted to throttle her and be done with it.

"Dinner's in the makin' but I can get tea and cookies done up in no time. Come on to the kitchen. You remember the way, Jayne?" Vera teased.

"Yeah, I 'member," Jayne sighed. So much for telling it all at once.

Jayne watched River gracefully drop her packs and follow his mother into the well lit kitchen. Too many talks over that table, too much news and memory. Just as well it was there as anywhere else in the house. The entire planet was too much painful memory, truth be told.

Jayne let his mother pour out tea in her delicate china cups, and watched River take delicate sips as though she were still in the Core. "Ma," Jayne piped up after a moment. "We gots to be telling you something important. Food can wait."

Vera's smile faltered somewhat. "Then that's important news, ain't it? Never known ya to give up on snacking afore dinner." She pulled up a seat across from Jayne, catty corner to River. She watched the girl carefully place her hands in her lap and wondered what in seven hells her boy had done to the girl.

"River here... Her brother can't handle stuff for her 'cause he's sick. And so I brought her here so she could marry Mattie."

Vera blinked, and looked from Jayne to River. Her hand had crept up to cover her mouth in the meantime. "Did you... Jayne, you never got our letters, did you?"

"Letters? I got the one with my hat."

"After that," Vera said faintly. "We sent letters after that."

A sinking sensation had settled into the bottom of Jayne's stomach, but he pressed on. "What?"

Vera shook her head. "Jayne, Mattie's already got a fiancée. He got engaged to Caroline Rafferty four months ago. He's gonna be married in five months."

***  
***


	9. The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Zoe was headed back toward the Tams' room when she noticed a very shell shocked-looking Regan Tam leave it. Kaylee had gotten a picture of the Tam family off of the Cortex when the nurse had let her borrow his terminal. It wasn't hard to pick out the features she shared with River and Simon, and she was certainly fancy enough to be a Tam. Mal was off on a security job, and they hadn't needed Zoe alongside. She hadn't put in a good effort to find a separate job. To be honest, there was a weariness that had settled into her bones. Simon had a fighting chance to get back up on his two feet. Wash hadn't had that chance. Sometimes she still saw him in her dreams, a nightmare where he would turn and look at her while that spike was through his chest, pinning him in place. _Well, lamby toes, isn't this quite the pickle we're in? Now what will you do without my loud shirts to remind you that you're my Autumn Flower?_

Regan looked... Well, Zoe didn't have a word for it, really, but she looked all kinds of uncomfortable and out of place. Zoe approached Regan almost hesitantly. Not that she had a plan in mind, exactly, but Simon had been so upset by his conversation with his father earlier that day. Zoe didn't understand what an arrhythmia or a cardiac cath was, but knew enough by Simon's expression that it was serious enough to make him feel guilty for yelling at his father.

"Mrs. Tam?" Zoe called as Regan was about to walk around a set of chairs. It seemed as though she was headed away from them, toward the elevator banks. Regan was startled, spinning around with her eyes wide and looking almost too much like River's. "Perhaps we could sit and talk a spell? I work with your son."

"Ah... Miss Zoe, then. Kaylee had mentioned you."

"That's right," Zoe said, nodding. She nodded toward a group of chairs off to the side. "Maybe we could talk?"

"Not particularly enlightening, I suppose, but all right."

Zoe didn't know what to say, but Regan had her head cocked to the side. "You've lost someone," she said slowly, voice soft. "Recently."

It showed on her skin, crawled along her spine, colored her vision. _I'm a letdown, I've let him die, I could have done something, I could have saved him..._ "Yes, I did," Zoe said primly. She seized Regan by the elbow and steered her toward the family room at the end of the hall. No one was currently using it.

"He was blonde," Regan said abruptly, then looked around them in panic. "Don't tell Gabriel I've been doing it again."

"What?"

"He doesn't like it. I know he can feel it, too. I know he feels something, it's how he knows best to hurt people. It's how he knows to dig down deep, where the weak spots are. It's something, he just doesn't believe me when I can do it."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was no accident they wanted her."

Zoe sat down heavily in a chair across from the regal looking woman. She looked to be about fifty, with dark hair and dark eyes, fine silk robes cut to perfection. Her hands were soft, nails long and painted. Regan had never fought in a war, never had to hunt or take a life with her hands, never had to see the wrong end of a gun. Regan didn't know this life of Zoe's, rough hands and broken nails and rough leather clothes with stains worked in.

"Tell me what you mean," Zoe said gently. "Take it slow."

"It doesn't matter what they call it, a gift, a shine, a talent." Words tumbled out of Regan. "You understand it, they don't. Someone is born with something extra, and sometimes it carries to another generation. Sometimes it sleeps, hides and is born again generations later."

_Zoe, hold onto this for me. It's an heirloom. Your grandmother gave it me to give to you when it was time. You'll have children someday, and this is for them..._

Talking of birth and death just now seemed cruel, but Zoe set her jaw. "I've heard it before. Talk in different stations. Second sight, you're talking about?"

Regan settled back in her chair in relief. "Simon believes in what he can read and study, Kaylee believes in what she can touch and fix. Gabriel believes in what he can manipulate. And my baby girl once believed in everything." She took in a shaky breath. "But she's not mine any longer, not my daughter. They've changed her, altered the way she perceives and sees and thinks, and she's no longer my daughter. Simon doesn't believe it."

"Why are you telling me this?" Zoe asked. _Why me? Why a strange woman you never met?_

_You need to believe me,_ Regan's voice whispered across Zoe's mind. _She was in such incredible danger, her life was used to buy ours. She was given away to save what he thought was more precious._

Zoe's head snapped back rapidly, and she shot to her feet. Her senses were on fire, battle honed, and she wished her gun was at her hip. She was a long way from home, a long way from her comfort zone. "What are you doing?"

"Walls have ears," Regan said simply. "You cannot forget that, not here, not now."

The wanted posters had disappeared, the bounties erased. The Operative had obliterated their contacts, but had kept his word on letting the Tams go. They were no longer useful; it was believed that Miranda was the only secret festering in River's agitated brain.

"I told her we knew best. I told her to trust us," Regan murmured. "We left her at the gates to perdition, and I take credit to weakness. I mimicked Gabriel, not ever once thinking about the consequences. It was easier to let him lead, easier to let it not hurt if I simply didn't care. But I knew what it was, the place of blue and death and pain." Regan looked away from Zoe's harsh and untrusting eyes. They burned her, drilled down deep into the narrow recesses of soul she had buried long ago. _Gabriel broke me..._ "I promised her as an infant that there would be no more. I promised her that there would be no more sacrifice. But she was sacrificed to save us, to salve an injured pride. They'll let it pass, they'll forget what they originally asked for. He promised me they were done. But they broke my baby girl and made her something different and strange and not my baby girl any longer."

There was something lilting and broken in Regan's voice, something that nagged at the back of Zoe's mind. _Don't you wish this is how it was? Don't you wish this is how we were? Don't you wonder if this was worth the pain and loss?_ It sounded like Gabriel's voice in the back of her head, cruel and cutting. She could almost see herself cowering on the floor after being struck in the face, hands in front of her helplessly. Zoe was Regan, sprawled on the floor with silks all around her. _Don't you think? Don't you think at all? You were supposed to be brilliant, you were supposed to know all the answers. Or did that boy's death kill your sense?_

Zoe felt herself falling into a chair awkwardly. "What are you doing?" she asked, her voice faint and warbling to her own ears. Something was happening here, and she didn't understand what it was or why it was happening.

"You're safe," Regan murmured. "They were never looking for you. Your line was unimportant to them. But there was research. Genealogies. They're preparing for a war that won't come, preparing for strangers they haven't stumbled upon."

The skies had been all kinds of empty when the human race first took to space. No aliens, just barren worlds ready to be terraformed. There had been nothing to fight for, just emptiness to fill and take over. Zoe's family had always been spacers; she didn't understand the concept of a single home to call her own.

"But there have always been sensitive ones. Some disappear. Some breed true."

Her voice was soft, lilting, whispering across space. Regan sounded like River, oddities in word choices and visual metaphor that no one else seemed to understand. Zoe could feel Jayne's knife pressed into her palm as she slashed at the long curling hair in her fist. It was braided and tucked into the nightstand drawer beside Simon. Zoe could feel River curling in on herself, shuddering breath sucked into her fragile lungs. Zoe hadn't allowed herself to feel pity or compassion then, hadn't allowed herself to feel much of anything. She had merely walked and talked and breathed and pretended she was all right. _No need to die for you..._

"Some never make it adulthood. Some aren't meant to," Regan continued, her voice whisper soft as she reached out for Zoe. "Some experiments aren't meant to end."

"What are you talking about?"

"Their reach is no longer overt. But there is no need to relax vigilance. Simon doesn't understand their reach, doesn't understand that it's still not over. She cannot be my daughter because she no longer belongs to me. She belongs to someone else, and they will not rest until she belongs to them once again. It's not my choice."

Zoe snapped out of her strange haze and shot to her feet again. This was stupid and not like her at all. "Don't know about you, Mrs. Tam, but I always got a choice. I chose my path, I chose my reactions. Don't always go according to plan, but it don't always got to. You chose to let her go, you chose to stop thinking of her as yours. And as far as I'm concerned, that means she isn't your responsibility anymore. She's ours now, and we're her kin now. So it really doesn't matter what you think is going on."

Regan gracefully got to her feet. "There is no mercy here," she said softly in response. "There is no mercy and there is no memory and there is no kindness and whatever else you think it was that might have let you go. There are plans, there are wheels, there are things that creep and slither and follow your path. Your future ends in a hail of bullets if you cannot sidestep their plans, and they all follow suit."

A chill worked its way down Zoe's spine. She'd heard of Tellers, the Sybills of space that were hidden in odd corners. Most people thought they were mad, drunk on rotgut alcohol or drugs that caused brain cells to die. Zoe knew differently. Zoe knew what it was like to see one in action; her mother had brought her to a Teller on her sixteenth birthday as a joke. _Tell her the future,_ Zoe's mother had said. Her mother hadn't been all upstairs after Reavers had attacked the family ship; Zoe had been born planetside and it had been the only reason why the two of them were still alive now. _Tell her what to look out for. You told me to birth my children on the ground, you tell her what she needs to know._

Pale milky eyes turned toward teenage Zoe, and the Teller's gnarled hands reached for her. _The lies we tell ourselves are stronger than the lies of others. Reach for truth in all places, young one, the truth of your heart and the truth of the Eightfold Path. When it comes to you in another Teller, listen for the truth beneath the words._

"Tell me what I need to know," Zoe said, voice quiet and still. She was deep in the valley again, the dead ten deep around her. The Alliance had won, her world had ended, her platoon down to the last handful. _Tell me what I need to know, tell me how to survive._

Regan's gaze was diffuse, her head cocked to the side as though she was listening to something only she could hear. "Can't stop the signal," she whispered. "They can only delay it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Right about now, the winds begin to change, and they will seek a martyr to the cause. Do not accept the blind offer for help. Gabriel, for all his faults, will do better."

"Your husband? That man that thinks we're no better than dirt?"

"From dirt and ashes may rise the finest of forests. Hide in them. Wait for the storm to pass."

River talked in allegory as well. Zoe felt a chill run down her spine. Words were never her weapon of choice; she could never use them as precisely as guns. "He's going for a test today."

"He never cared for his own heart, or the hearts of others around him. He would drink and drug the edges to soft dullness. He would not let me Tell the Truth."

Zoe could hear the capitals in Regan's voice, and her eyes were wide with worry. "How long have you known all of this would happen?"

"Soon after birth," Regan said sadly. "But sometimes you fool yourself into thinking that you may escape your destiny, that your blood will not be needed to buy your freedom. It hurts less if you know it isn't so." Her smile was that of the heartbroken. "Things don't turn out as you planned. I refused to give my heart away again."

"We'll take care of her. She's ours now, just as she is."

"I wish you could have seen her as she was, when she was perfect, before they broke her. I wish you could have known her. That is to love, that is to be pleased. She was never tired, never finished learning. Never tired with the new. It all came so naturally to her." Regan smiled, defeated, and her hands were clasped demurely in front of her. "She could have been anything, the society wife to the professor to the inventor. She could have been anything, but they stripped the purpose from her bones and grafted pain to them. She is no longer my daughter, and you are welcome to her."

Zoe watched Regan leave, nonplused. Talking to Tellers was never easy.

***

Jayne was swearing up a storm. River sat at the kitchen table, head bowed, lips bitten from the strain of the feelings around her. The weight would break her if she let it, but her control was much better now than it had been months ago. Vera's thoughts swirled with uncertainty and concern, a mother's thoughts, the myriad details that would weight down the entire 'verse if they were let loose. She knew her son only too well, was able to see the thoughts between the lines of his infrequently sent letters. _Jayne, Jayne, what have you done now? What have you gotten yourself into?_

"Réncí de shàng dì qĭng dài wŏ zŏu," River murmured, covering her ears with her hands. _Take me away, I can't be here like this, I can't take this..._

Vera's thoughts abruptly stopped short, and Jayne's swearing halted. He was looking at her in something akin to horror. Yes, she had said something similar on Miranda, had she not? The weight of the silence, the lingering feeling of _sleeping,_ the horror of the millions of dead and their empty eyes upon her, the agitation to fill the spaces they formed in her mind. No whispers there, no thoughts or presence to be comforted by, no white noise hum in the back of her mind, just the hard jarring edge of madness pressing in on her, reminding her of where she had been and where they wanted to take her. Reaching for her weren't crew members but ghosts, silent wisps of ectoplasm ready to drown her. _You know you can break these chains and set me free. Lie down, lie down, it will all be over soon. There is no pain, there is no hunger, there is no wanting. There is only peace here. Peace, child. There is only peace if you lie down and rest, just rest along with us._ Pax. _Give in to the abyss and it will set you free. Come now, you know you want to. The press of their thoughts is blinding. Here it is quiet, here there is no noise. There is no need to hide in the cargo bay and pretend there is silence._

Hot tears tracked down her face, and River could feel Vera's hand on her arm. "River?" Vera asked gently. A lifetime of gentleness, love and loss, life and regret. River could feel the images slide across her skin. Theodore on horseback, silhouetted against the sun and grinning at her. Her father, bent over the wheat as he threshed it by hand. _Tell me your secrets,_ Vernon asked, intent on her reply. _If it's what you want, I'll convince Pa. It won't be easy, but if you're sure, I'll help ya however I can._ The cries of the children, the strangled silence of a wrapped cord or a suffocating illness. The crack of a fall. _I done something stupid, Ma. Don't know how to get on out of it,_ Jayne had said, voice broken. _I gots to go. I can't stay, I shouldn't stay on here no more._

"It hurts," River found herself whispering.

Fever dreams, never easy. A voice singing softly as the darkness descended and it was time for sleeping on the farm. _D'you think he'll love me enough, Mama?_ Christina asked, voice agitated and worried. Her best dress was torn; she had fallen from her horse and had to hike back home on foot. _D'you think I'm even good enough?_

Oh, it hurt, it hurt. The lifetime spread out before her, the petty problems and the soft lilting voices, the tears and hot hollows in throats, the empty chairs at the dinner table and the empty cradles rocking in the wind. River could feel the press of Vera's thoughts and memories, the inadvertent insistency as Vera wanted to help or heal where she could. But this was no skinned knee, no dress to patch, no worries to kiss away.

"Your thoughts press in," River gasped, squeezing her eyes tight. "I hear them, I feel them, skittering like stones in a jar, echoing inside of me." Her hands were still tight against her ears, her broken nails digging into her fragile skin. A different kind of pain, something to ground her to reality, something to separate her from Vera. "I'm losing the space around me, down to the atomic level, I have no coherency alone. This girl is losing her essence, she drowns in thoughts not her own and cannot find her way out. She is losing the bridge to communication."

"River honey, I don't understand," Vera said, voice beginning to take on an edge of panic. She looked at Jayne, who was staring at River in horror. "Jayne? What's happening?"

"Don't know," Jayne said, shaking his head. "She was fine on the way in." _Don't let her go ape shit and hurt Ma. I'd have to put her down then..._

"Wo xiăng méi er méi xīn, biàn shí tou..." River sobbed, shaking. She could feel herself rocking in the chair, but she was losing the sense of it already. Stone could not hear or see or feel. Stone was straight and strong, proud and steady. Right now she was none of those things.

Vera was glaring at Jayne. "I'll be discussin' things with you later. Right now, she needs help. River honey, we'll get you cleaned up. You're tired and such from all that walking, and now's not the time to be yellin' all around you. Get her bag, Jayne. Bring it to the upstairs bathroom."

Vera was guiding River down the hallway to the main staircase, then up the stairs to the family's living area. River could feel the weight of time in the house, echoes of the many generations of feet that have climbed the stairs. Laughter flitted around her like ghosts, gaunt shadows of their former selves. Her breath caught in her throat. Would the Tam estate on Osiris feel like this? Would there be love and happiness caught in its walls, or only passive silence and the empty longing of frustrated desire?

"I don't know what's goin' on, but I'll let Jayne tell it while you wash up," Vera said, opening up the taps. River was shivering something awful, and Vera found it something scary to look at. She'd seen shock before, and it seemed as though River had rapidly fallen into it. "I'll bring in towels. Just take a good long soak," Vera added, grabbing a bottle of bath oil. "Here, this is chamomile. Nice for relaxin' in. Take your time."

River could feel her teeth chattering. Her skin was all cold and clammy, and it seemed as though her spine was shaking so hard it was clacking against itself. She let Vera undress her and slide her into the soft warm bubbles in the tub. She let Vera push her hair away from her face.

"S'alright, River honey. You ain't goin' nowhere for a while yet. Jayne thinks you're safe here for a reason, and I aim to find out what's what. But I ain't lettin' nobody hurt ya, _dong ma?_ You're safe here with us. Cobbs stick together."

"Not a Cobb," River whispered, shoulders still shaking. The bathroom had been lived in, and the surfaces in the room carried faint memories on them. "Feel them, whispers and relatives, not all Cobbs." Her eyes skipped over the pale yellow tiles and white paint. Mirrors and glass, porcelain and fabric. Ordinary bathroom, fragments fitting together into something almost recognizable and familiar. Vera kissing Theodore in front of the mirror, round with child. Jayne reaching for a toothbrush and pushing Charlie out of the way for the paste. A wash of blood pouring over the tiles and the cry of pain as Vera fell.

Vera smoothed back River's hair. "Take what time you need. I'll figure this one out for you."

River looked up with an agonized gaze. "He'll strangle it and the tale will be delivered wrong."

"Well, when you're up to it you get to tell me your side of it."

Relieved, River sank back with a nod. The warmth of the water was leaching into her, making her drowsy. Vera gave a soft sigh and left the bathroom. It sounded as though River whispered "She was so pretty..." but Vera couldn't be sure.

She saw the pack outside the door and pushed it inside the bathroom before shutting the door tight. Lips pressed tight, Vera headed down to the living room where Jayne waited.

"This better be a good one, Jayne," she hissed, taking in his anxious pose. "What have you done to that poor girl to make her cry like that?"

Jayne's eyes widened and he was utterly horrified. Vera took that as a good sign. She had raised him up proper, and it was good to know that sixteen years out in the black hadn't changed that in him. "I ain't done nothing, Ma! It's... we must've been thinkin' too loud. She said your thoughts were too much." His voice trailed off as though he were ashamed. "I didn't think o' this. I shoulda known it might've happened."

Vera watched her son rub at his face. She opened her arms and he awkwardly bent down to hug her. "Oh Jayne, you can't know everything."

"This I should've known. She... I gotta tell you this, and you'll think I'm all _feng le_ but I promise you I ain't."

Vera watched the years fall away from Jayne as he anxiously sat down in the same spot he had been in sixteen years before. She fell into her same spot and leaned forward, elbows on her knees. He had her at full attention. "Tell me."

"She's some kinda genius. Cra– Her brother's a doctor, says she's even smarter than he is. She was in some kinda school, weren't good enough to keep her occupied. So she got sent to a fancy Core government school, and they was supposed to teach her stuff. Supposed to take care o' her and help her learn." Jayne's voice trailed off and he looked lost in thought. Vera's heart ached at the troubled look on his face. "They didn't. I didn't know. I thought she was just Crazy. I thought... It don't matter now what I thought. They cut up her brainpan, trained her to fight and be psychic and made her all messed up in the head."

Vera leaned back in the chair. Psychic? That explained the press of thoughts comment.

"She... you saw the dead colony on the Cortex? Miranda..." Jayne's laugh was bitter, a bark of self recrimination and pain. "I didn't think she was right in the head. I didn't know. I thought she was gone 'round the bend, I thought she was gonna hurt us. I didn't... She took us there, led us to that dead colony..." Jayne turned to look at Vera, eyes pleading. "We didn't know the government would do something like that. We... I guess we never thought it was as bad as they was saying, it was just easier to think they were just lying."

"So you helped her broadcast the truth," Vera guessed when Jayne stopped.

"Mal did that. We kinda... helped. I dunno. It just..." Jayne shrugged helplessly. "It wasn't good. It was easier to just pretend it never happened, nothing to think on."

"I know," Vera said heavily, reaching to grasp his hand tightly. "I know, Jayne."

"An' it was fine like that, I guess. I don't ask no questions. If I don't know, don't gotta do nothing that would cause trouble." His grip was painfully tight on her hand. "If there was something wrong, I just didn't ask. Didn't wanna know."

"It's okay, Jayne," Vera said gently, squeezing his hand back. "What brought you here?"

"Her brother, the doc, he got hurt. Nobody knew if he'd even last hours. And Mal an' him had talked about what to do with her if something happened. Simon– that's the doc, Ma– he said she had to be kept away. That even after what happened with Miranda, them Academy people might want her back. Her folks sent her, wouldn't let him find out if she was hurt, wouldn't let him get her out. So he stole her, she got stuck with us. And now he asked us to help her so that her folks wouldn't send her back. She ain't got no other kin, so the best way was to marry her off. Her new hubby would be kin, and if it was someone we trusted, she'd be safe."

Vera sighed. "So you thought of Mattie. But Jayne, you know how he is, he never says anything until it's set..."

"Never heard nothing of no girlfriend! How was I supposed to know?" Jayne roared. "It ain't my fault! I tried to do right for once!"

"We'll figure something out," Vera said, voice soothing. He quieted, just as he used to as a child after a nightmare. "It's gonna be okay. We'll get through this."

"I tole her we'd be better kin," Jayne said anxiously. "I said you'd love her. She... her folks ain't like you and Pa. She don't talk on them much, but they don't sound like you at all."

Vera patted his clenched fist gently. "Jayne, have you ever known me to be mean to anyone?"

Jayne relaxed and he grinned. "Old Man Hunter. Betty Wayford. Jesse Hsieu. Gunther–"

Vera laughed. "All right, then. Hush you." She looked at Jayne's anxious face. "We'll set this to rights, Jayne. You're right. Cobbs are good folk. So's Tanners and Gradys and Keylines. Don't worry on this now. We'll fix this up proper. She needs a home, and we'll figure out where it's gonna be later. Right now, you need to stop worrying and you need to do some eatin'. You look all dried up. Go wash your face and hands and help me with dinner. You got lots more to be tellin' me than just this, you know."

Jayne's relief was all too evident. Vera hid her sigh as she got up. She knew there were things that had been hidden between the lines in his letters. Maybe he hadn't been aware of it himself, but Vera knew her baby boy and life in general. There was something else going on, something deeper and more dangerous. Maybe he thought he was simply protecting her from it. Whatever it was, she would find out.

Vera thought of the thin pale girl in the tub upstairs. She looked as though she had been bombarded with too much all at once. Poor thing needed to sort things out. From the sound of it, she'd never had a chance to do that. Something in her haunted gaze had pulled at Vera, though she couldn't have said why. It wasn't as though the girl looked like kin or long lost friends. It wasn't as though Vera knew what it was like to be psychic or have her brain cut up. It wasn't as though Vera knew what it was like to see a dead colony sprawled all around her and know the government that was supposed to protect her was at fault. She didn't know how any of it was, didn't know how she'd hold up under it.

But she did know she couldn't just leave her alone. The girl was drifting through space, no home or anchor, no one to help. Vera thought of Christina for an agonized moment, the lost babies she had once sworn she would never forget.

_Someone's gotta take care of the lost babies of the 'verse. Might as well be me._

With that thought in mind, she began to cook up a storm in the kitchen.

***  
***


	10. Momentum

The porcelain of the tub was cold, and River closed her eyes as she leaned against it. She could almost pretend it was the cool metal walkway high above the hold on Serenity. If she shut her eyes tight enough, she could almost hear the steady hum of the engines. It was a perfect soft counterpoint to the quiet silence of the hold in the middle of the night. It helped River with distance and perspective, allowing her to shut out the murmur of the others' thoughts. She could lie along the walkway, feel the steady hum of the engines in the metal beneath her and the empty space below her. It helped the ship feel a little less crowded, a little less overwhelming.

She wished there was something similar here, but the faded ghosts in the bathroom at least were relatively distant.

River shivered, and ducked a little farther beneath the warm scented water. Chamomile was calming, lulling, conducive to sleep. Perchance to dream....

River turned to her side slightly and let the warm water slide over her skin. Her arm brushed over her breast, and the touch made her shiver with another kind of feeling. Jayne had done this not too long ago, and if anything, it seemed to have woken a part of her that the Academy had buried. The bad girls, if they couldn't stop touching themselves, went in for surgery. River remembered feeling their screams along her spine, had sprung up agitated and angry. She had ripped her mattress to shreds, couldn't understand why her mattress would want to destroy her spine, but she needed it, had to defend it. _The mattress can't be trusted, it has to be gutted._

Now she knew that her thoughts had curled in on themselves, had tried to defend her the only way they knew how.

River trailed her fingers over her own skin, gently, softly. Jayne had touched her there, and his touch had felt like electric fire. He liked to touch, he liked to look. He knew it as wrong, though it wasn't, and he didn't believe that he was worthy. River closed her eyes and sank under the water a bit more, knees poking up above the edge of scented water. She had to be missing something here. If he was here...

She tentatively put her hand gently between her thighs. It didn't feel like anything special yet, nothing out of the ordinary. She traced the edge of her outer folds with a fingertip. River felt around a little, tentatively, her touch soft and light. It didn't feel quite right, didn't feel the same as Jayne's fingers had. Her skin was covered with ordinary water, not the damp slickness that Jayne had reveled in.

River abruptly sat up and poured bath oils into her palm and then laid back down against the cool porcelain tub. Her fingers slid past her clit to move through her folds, making them slick with the oil. Ah. That felt almost right.

Ooh, but there was that pressure... River started stroking it awkwardly, not knowing precisely what to do. But after a while it didn't matter. It started feeling good, an almost warm flush of pleasure. She moaned and kept going, faster. She didn't need bath oil anymore; her body was getting slick enough on its own. She moved to slide a finger within her tight opening, moving it back and forth gently. Oh yes, she was slippery and sticky all on her own, and it was feeling good, and her left hand was closed tight around a breast and squeezing. Jayne had done that, he had touched her there, it had felt so good then. River crooked her finger inside herself, then pulled it out to find her clit. That part felt better, less tight, less confined.

River's mouth opened and a tiny sound of pleasure escaped her lips. Oh. _Oh._ This is why the girls got in trouble. This was why the scientists had started the deprogramming and the new rounds of conditioning. This was why.

Her fingers moved faster, harder, almost plucking at her sensitive nub. The longing was building up inside of her, pressure, _need._ River needed someone with her, someone inside of her, the need was an ache, a want, a necessity. An essential requirement. _Yes._ She lifted her hips up so it was easier to press a finger inside her, making lazy circles inside her own wetness and still have the heel of her palm strike her clitoris. _"Oh!"_ she hissed, lips hovering somewhere above the scented water.

Faster, harder, voice humming in the back of her throat beneath the water. Yes, now, slick and wet and wanting, twisting and making waves within the cool tub. Her head fell back, a strangled hum deep in her throat. Her thoughts fractured, shattered, decimated under the whirlwind of sensation radiating out of her. It was a wonder the water didn't boil as she came.

When River finally felt as though she was somewhat less shattered, she pulled the plug on the tub and watched the water swirl down the drain. It was as if a skin had been shed, thoughts discarded and sent down along with the scents and oils.

She should have expected that a new place would overwhelm her with thoughts, that new people would bring on new images and things to protect herself against. She should have realized that her mental shields were somewhat less than perfect, and it would be any small change that could bring her tumbling down. But she knew better now, and could protect herself better. It was just generations of Tanners and Gradys in this house, and now a generation of Cobbs; River could deal with it now that she knew what to expect. The hardest part had been the shock and overwhelming deluge of _newness._ She hadn't felt it in a very long time.

She could feel herself slowly knitting back together. She had merely lost her momentum for a short eternity, and needed a span of time to find it again. She would be all right. It was time and practice, will and work. River could do it if she put her mind to it.

River stood up and caught sight of her slender frame in the mirror. She thought of her mother, of her fluttering hands in the private transport ship headed for the Academy. Simon had been taking another round of exams and hadn't been there. Gabriel had moved to another compartment, and River was sitting with Regan in perfect silence. River could almost feel the press of fear against her skin even then, and she had slowly turned to look at her mother. She had really _looked,_ something she had never done before. There had never been a need, since her mother was an absent, silent figure within the looming mausoleum of the Tam estate.

"You must understand," Regan had cried suddenly. Her grip on River's hand had been tight, nails digging into her skin. "It's not like I never loved you," she sobbed, nearly incoherent with untold pain. River hadn't understood then. "It's not like I never cared. I did. I just couldn't love you, not like you needed." River had thought her mother was glad to see her go, glad to let someone else try to tame her into something manageable and proper.

_You had them teach me music and dance. Acoustics. If not for acoustics, I would not have discovered physics, I would never have fallen in love with theorems and formulae, never would have succumbed to the lure of a perfect student's paradise._ River couldn't help but be almost bitter. Because her parents could not parent themselves, she had been sent away. Because her parent hadn't liked the strange thing she had been, she was left to the mercy of the Alliance scientists and their cruel experiments.

River stared at the gooseflesh rising on her skin. It almost seemed like her own skin at times, when she was careful with her thoughts, when she was in control. It was just a game with herself, really. How much could she leave to instinct and still retain her sense of self? How much attention did she have to pay before she fell apart at the seams again? Simon had said it would take time to relearn how to think appropriately, that she was getting better.

_Ji dan_ had been a game, too, she remembered suddenly. She remembered the consequences to _that_ game very well. She could still feel the tingles along her temples, the smell of oranges and burnt leather.

River looked down at her luggage, feeling the softness of the bag. She could feel the imprint of Jayne against the material, almost like a shadow passing over her. She wished she could understand what was happening in his mind now, why he was behaving the way he was. But he was stone, he was steel, he was smooth gunmetal gray against the wavering multicolored fields of her mind. He was a sandbar in the ocean, and she was nothing but soft waves. The days could drift into seasons, and River didn't know if she could remain stable.

But now was not the time to think on those things. There was time for that, time for everything.

She selected a pretty red dress with bright yellow flowers on them, yellow underthings and red sandals with slim red straps. It felt as though it had been ages since she had worn something new and fresh and clean-smelling, and River stretched herself out nice and tall. She did a pirouette in the dress, smiling at her reflection in the mirror. The mirror revealed an ordinary-looking girl, large brown eyes and dark hair, dark lashes and a full mouth. That girl could be beautiful if she wished to be, she could smile away the shadows if she wanted to.

River wanted to be that girl with every fiber of her being.

Once River made her way downstairs, everything between Vera and Jayne seemed to have been ironed out and flat. Vera didn't mind that she had left her towels and her dirty dress on the bathroom floor, or that her luggage was still upstairs in the bathroom. "Time enough to sort everything out," Vera said with a smile. River had the feeling that Vera was naturally a happy person, a Kaylee without the bubbling beneath her skin.

"I'm very sorry about earlier," River began earnestly once Jayne left the kitchen. "It had been many days since I last interacted with new people, I had not expected to feel new things. It was very overwhelming, and I lost control."

Vera had blinked, then shook her head. "It always takes time to adjust to new places, River. Now why don't we get everything started?"

Vera had set River to cutting up vegetables for stew. The knife was small and sharp, but could still be deadly. She knew how that could be, but suppressed the urge to tell Vera about it. Vera wouldn't understand.

Jayne banged his way back into the kitchen through the side door while carrying a basket. He frowned at River holding the knife, but held his tongue. He gingerly put the basket down on the kitchen table and went to wash his hands at the sink. River tilted her head to peek into the basket, and saw that it was full of eggs. She reached out and held one of the eggs in her hand, somewhat delicately. _"Ji dan,"_ she whispered.

There was a ring in the other room, and Vera wiped her hands on a dish towel. "I'll git it. You finish workin' on the stew parts. It should be Mattie tellin' me he's on his way back with Caro." Vera smiled at them absently, and dashed into the living room. It was the only comm screen in the house, but it was of the planetside variety. It wasn't nearly complex enough to pick up or transmit the interplanetary comm signals. Jayne moved back to the table and frowned at River.

"Whatcha doin' with that egg?" he asked, voice rough. "Ma'll need 'em for breakfast in the morning, and she said she's gonna make some pudding for dessert."

_"Ji dan,"_ she repeated, louder this time. "Egg. Zero. Loser."

"I know what it means," Jayne said, irritated. "So?"

"There was a game at the Academy. It was called _Ji dan."_ River paused, contemplating the feel of the egg. She remembered the feel of smooth calcium shell, the precise force needed to crack it.

"And?" Jayne prompted when she fell silent.

River tossed the egg from one hand to another. "You had to catch it, throw it, never let it fall or crack or break."

"Or else what?" Jayne asked, fascinated in spite of himself.

"They punish you," River whispered, catching the egg in her fist. She closed her eyes and let out a breath. No scent of oranges or burnt leather. This wasn't the Academy.

"I... I don't get it. Punish?"

River tried not to think about that, but she could feel it along her skin again. She blinked, and the sensation was gone. "It burned, and I could smell oranges and burnt leather even though it wasn't there. Common epileptiform phenomena, and to be expected when electrodes are placed in epileptogenic locations of the brain."

Jayne's mouth dropped open. "What? They shocked your brain?"

River looked up at Jayne from the egg in her fist. "They did more than just cut into it, Jayne. They did so much more."

Jayne watched her put the egg delicately back into the basket. She ignored his gaping mouth, the riotous confusion of thoughts beneath the surface of his surprise. He was easy to ignore, and she was getting better at ignoring things now that she had a specific task to concentrate on. Concentrating on something else made annoying problems easier to ignore; River had always been able to focus enough to block the rest of the world from her consciousness. It was the secret to her studying success. She simply focused, and the rest of the world drained away, allowing her to study without interruption.

"Think I could do it?" Jayne asked after a moment. "It's just control, right? I got that."

River looked up. "How many of your mother's eggs are you willing to lose?"

Jayne snorted. "I ain't gonna lose."

"I've had training. You haven't."

"I can win it." Jayne grinned at her. "Afraid?"

_Normal girls do this,_ River realized suddenly. _They joke and laugh and play and they are not afraid of their thoughts._

She grinned at Jayne. "Certainly not. Very well. You may begin. Pick an egg and throw it at me. Then I'll throw it at you."

Jayne picked up a random egg and tossed it lightly at River. _Not mine,_ River thought as she caught it. _Not my egg, but it's the same. Precision, focus._

"My turn," Jayne said gleefully, rubbing his hands.

"All right," River responded easily. She smiled and lobbed an easy toss at Jayne. He caught it in his hands, and for a moment she thought he would make it, not crack the fragile shell and send its squishy parts flying. But then as he crowed his success, his fist tightened. The shell cracked, and egg white began to ooze between his fingers.

Jayne sighed. "Okay, I lose."

"Better to lose here than there."

He looked up into her solemn eyes and tried not to think what her words really meant. He didn't want to think of that, didn't want to acknowledge what he had seen at that hospital imaging center on Ariel. _She can't help but feel everything,_ Simon had said in wonder. _She can't block any of it out._

Jayne moved to the sink and began to wash his hands. He tried to laugh as if she didn't bother him. "Game looks harder than it lets on."

"Simple games take the most thought."

Jayne watched her slice the celery, carrots and potatoes with perfect precision. For a moment, he could see her in the back of his mind with heavy bladed weapons dripping blood as she stood over a mountain of dead Reavers. He shied away from the thought, and sat down heavily in front of her. "What are we gonna do, Crazy?"

"Make stew," River replied gently. Slice, slice, slice. It was rhythmic and methodical. A pile of vegetables, cut down to stew-size. Simple work, but it kept her hands busy and her mind somewhat occupied.

"Not that. When Mattie comes home."

"His mind is made up. He has found the girl for him, and she will be his bride. It has already been set and bound."

"Maybe I can get them to change their minds," Jayne said hopefully. "It ain't too late, nothing's done yet."

"Minds don't change," she said quietly. "Not unless you go in and cut."

Jayne flinched, and fell silent. Vera returned to the kitchen moments later, and she was humming a tune Jayne barely remembered. "Well now, that's a nice collection there, River," Vera said, voice cheerful. That was his Ma, Jayne decided. Always cheerful, always mothering everybody.

"Is this enough?"

"Oh, plenty. We'll be havin' stew for days. It's best like that, you know."

"I didn't," River said, voice quiet and small. "I never learned to cook."

Vera stopped chopping the chicken she was planning to use and turned around from the counter. "Never? I can't even think why not."

"There were servants for that," River said, matter of factly. Her pile of vegetables resembled geometric shapes. "There were always many servants for everything growing up, and so I studied whatever I liked."

"Oh? What kinds of things, then?"

"Physics was my favorite subject," River said with a soft smile. Jayne looked away, and after a moment got up from the table to help his mother by washing dishes. "I adored theoretical physics. There's something about impossibly hard theorems and algorithms that was utterly fascinating. I wanted to try and outline the universe. I was thinking of maybe taking astrophysics and astronomy, mapping out the galaxies..." River's voice faltered, and she looked down at the empty cutting board. "Never mind. All that is past now, not to be reclaimed."

Vera's face softened. "Well, Mattie's a chemistry teacher at the junior high. He might just be able to understand everything you like talking about."

_I think they'll get on,_ Jayne had told Mal and Zoe. He wanted to kick himself now. That plan he had thought up a week ago was all shot to hell.

Now what was he going to do?

***

Mal left the elevator bank quite pleased with himself. He couldn't wait to run this new job past Zoe. He could've just accepted the offer, but it made Zoe feel better to hear things and weigh in on them. Mal was still working a little more gingerly than usual around her, making sure she felt wanted and comfortable on the ship. He found her in the patients' lounge on the floor, and shut the door behind him. "I got us a job."

She looked up sharply. "What?"

"Shipping, nothing fancy. Short trip out to Harmony and back, a couple crates of goods bought up by a new colony out there."

Zoe thought of Regan's warning. _Do not accept the blind offer for help. Gabriel, for all his faults, will do better._ "Sir, I'm not sure..."

Mal frowned at her. "Now, I thought this was a good job. You've been saying no two-bit deals while we were here, and we've been keeping it on the level so far. But those don't pay for much, and Simon's treatment ain't exactly cheap."

"Do you know anything about his family, sir?"

Startled by the abrupt change in topic, Mal frowned. "What's that got to do with anything? His father's an unfeeling _hun dan,_ but other than that, no."

"Their mother," Zoe said slowly, with a deliberateness Mal couldn't miss, "is a Teller."

Mal blinked. "Huh?"

"The daughter is a Reader, the mother is a Teller. The father probably has something, but who knows what that might be."

"Zoe, you lost me."

"You didn't meet Mrs. Tam," Zoe said, voice still slow and deliberate. "Else you might think a little different than you are."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Mal asked, confused.

"Tellers are rare, especially the good ones. Now, I'm only here because of one. A Teller told my mother to have her children on the ground." Mal looked at her, quiet. She needed time and space to speak, and he was going to give it to her. Zoe wasn't the kind to fall apart or lapse into stories at the drop of a pin. This had to be something important. Mal trusted her judgment. "Nobody ever knew why she had to, but she did it, for every one of her children."

"You're an only child," Mal said when Zoe lapsed into silence.

"No, I'm not. When I was born, there was a job. My father said the money was too good to give up, even for a Teller's warning. He took the ship with my three brothers on it and left my mother in the hospital to have me." Zoe straightened in her seat. "It was Reavers, sir. My mother wasn't the same since."

Mal closed his eyes and felt the breath leave his body. "I'm sorry."

"You ain't got nothing to be sorry for, sir. That's not why I told you. I told you so that you understand why good Tellers ought to be listened to."

"And you're saying their mother's a Teller."

"Yes, sir."

Mal pursed his lips. "What did she say?"

"Something bad's going down. Someone wants a martyr. Mr. Tam will make us an offer, and it's something we should take."

"When did she say all this?"

"Today. A few hours ago."

Mal got up and began to pace. Nobody ever told him how to fly his boat or what jobs to take. That's the way of it, that's what made him free. But here was some faceless woman telling his crew what he was supposed to do, and it rankled something fierce.

"So that's it? Give up the money?"

"Some things are more important than money. You said so yourself."

Mal spun around and looked at his stoic first officer. "Maybe so, but Simon's bills won't get paid on their own."

"No, but we'll work it through. Just not using this."

"How can you be so calm about that?"

Zoe shrugged. "Tellers don't choose what they see and Tell people, just as River didn't choose what she could Read. It's not something you ask for. It just _is._ It's one of the few things I trust in the 'verse."

Jaw set, Mal stared at Zoe. She didn't flinch.

After a few tense moments, Mal sighed. "Let's go see what this better deal is."

Once in the room, Mal was surprised to see Simon and Gabriel arguing. "You should have told me!" Simon was yelling.

Gabriel merely snorted. "I'm only your father. You've already made it clear what you think of me."

"So? You don't think I deserve to know about the complications?"

"You're not the one doing the operation," Gabriel sneered viciously. He turned away so he couldn't see Simon's inevitable hurt expression or Kaylee comforting him as best as she could. He closed himself down, didn't want to be affected. Gabriel saw Zoe and Mal in the doorway, bewildered looks on their faces.

"Something going wrong?" Mal asked mildly, stepping into the room.

"None of your business!" Gabriel snapped, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Ooh. No wonder she didn't want to wake you!" Kaylee cried. She held onto Simon's hands tight and wrinkled her nose at Gabriel.

"Who?"

"Mother," Simon replied, voice tight. "Just looked right over you and spoke to me."

Something in Gabriel's jaw worked, then stopped. "Well then. That's to be expected."

Kaylee felt a pang of pity for the man. "But what is it, really? Should we worry?"

Gabriel snorted. "I don't need you worrying over me. You've already got enough to worry about over there."

"It was the echo, wasn't it?" Kaylee asked tentatively. Both Simon and Gabriel snapped around to look at her in amazement. "That test later today is because of that floppy thing they found on the echo yesterday?"

"Floppy thing?" Simon queried, voice strained. "What floppy thing?"

"A valve, the tech said," Kaylee said. She looked form Simon's stunned face to Gabriel's furious one and shrugged. "Well, we got to talkin' during the test. Simon was asleep and this one here was an ornery ol' cuss. So she was pointin' out stuff, and showing me what she was lookin' at." Kaylee grinned at Simon. "I didn't know the heart had valves like an engine does."

Arrhythmia after an MI and new onset valve disease... Simon stared at his father. "Did the cardiologist tell you there was a papillary muscle rupture?!"

Gabriel looked at Zoe and Mal. "I suppose you think I should answer him?"

"You do what you like," Zoe said with a shrug, sitting down in one of the chairs between the two beds. "We won't stop you."

"Exactly! And if I need a valve replacement, I'll tell you when I damn well feel like it!" Gabriel roared at his son.

Simon seemed stunned. "What?"

Kaylee fussed with Simon's hair a bit. She deliberately flashed Simon a cheerful smile. "Oh, it can't be that bad, right? Changing valves in engines is easy. Should be okay with a heart. And the doctors here are great, anyway. I was talking with the tech, and she told me that the surgeon was a good one."

Gabriel wasn't looking at Simon. He was staring at Zoe. "What?"

She had thought things would go a bit better, but didn't say so. She merely shook her head. "I'm not lookin' at much."

"You think you're so much better than I am? When you scramble hand to mouth?"

"We got what's important," Mal said, voice sharp. Gabriel flinched. "Money's good, but not everything can be bought with money."

"It's amazingly easy to learn to do without," Simon said, a twinge of bitterness to his voice. "It takes some getting used to, but it's real easy to do it."

"I never disowned you," Gabriel said suddenly, looking over at his son. "I only said so to stop your foolishness. I never thought you'd actually _leave."_

"What else was I supposed to do? Keep bending over backward like a good little son?"

"Yes!"

Simon shook his head. "I could never do that." His hands flopped about in his lap, and Gabriel's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Your hands are moving."

Simon nodded grimly. "I can't control them fully yet, but they're moving. My feet, too."

Gabriel lay back in bed and adjusted the pillow behind him. "It's almost like watching you learn to walk again."

Simon looked away, tried to squeeze Kaylee's hand in his. "Nannies caught that."

"I know," Gabriel said slowly. He appeared to be thinking, weighing his options. "You could... There are great rehab facilities and doctors on Osiris. I'm sure you know of them, Simon." Simon turned to look at his father warily. "You could come back home, do the rehabilitation on the estate."

Everyone watched intently for Simon's reaction. His face hadn't changed, not one muscle moved. "I couldn't leave them behind, Father. They're all as much my family as you and Mother and River are."

With a sigh, Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Fine. They can come, too."

Zoe looked at Mal. It all rested with him, now. The Teller had done her part, and now it was up to Mal. _Take it,_ she mentally begged. _Swallow your pride and just take it. A Teller doesn't lie._

Mal shrugged. "Why not? Who knows, it could be fun."

Simon sank back against Kaylee with relief, and Mal could feel Zoe settle back into her usual calm self. He looked at Gabriel, who suddenly seemed old and tired. He had to have been feeling his mortality just then, close and hungry, snapping at his heels. He didn't envy the old man at all.

***  
***


	11. Expectations

"You were supposed to give him an offer that was too good to pass up."

Henry gulped at the sight of the two men in front of him. There had been whispers in the underground about them, merciless, heartless, and relentless. There was no escaping them when their minds were made up. They held the future in their blue-gloved hands, and it was never good to fail them.

"I did. But he said he got a better job offer and couldn't take it."

"Then you failed," the second man said. He was holding a narrow silver wand. Henry had never seen it before, but he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I..."

"We don't like failure," the first man said. They had the same voice, nearly the same features.

"It won't happen again!" Henry promised. "I'll get him on the job!"

"Of course it won't happen again," the first man sad over Henry's frantic plea.

"We won't let it," the second said easily, holding up the wand.

Henry soon began to scream.

***

Simon was drowning. He had been swimming at Blackberry Cove on Osiris, and Kaylee had been lying on the sand sunning herself. They were vacationing for the first time in nearly a year, and it had been an easygoing week. Kaylee had licked and kissed and touched just about every inch of his body right there on the beach; money had its benefits, including a private stretch of beach along Blackberry Cove.

Every time they made love it was magic. Kaylee had grinned at him, and then bent her head down over his bare body. She ran her tongue along the length of his cock, tasting the precome. She ran her lips around the ridges beneath the edge of the head, then the slit at its very tip. Simon couldn't do much more than make an incoherent moan. Then she had tortured him, moving to kiss her way up his belly. "Kaylee," Simon had moaned. "Please, _bao bei,_ please..."

Kaylee moved her hand over his cock in reply, stroking gently. His breath caught, and then she moved down again. She kissed his balls, taking them into her mouth and sucking on them gently, just the lightest bit of traction. One of his hands found her hip, and moved down along it to the junction of her thighs. He dipped his fingers into her damp curls, and the hand around his cock tightened convulsively in response.

Kaylee abruptly let go of everything and pressed her face into Simon's thigh. The way his fingers moved around inside of her made it hard to move, to breathe, to think. "Simon..." Kaylee moaned, her voice breathy with want.

"I don't want to forget how your voice sounds," Simon murmured. "Just like that soundng just like that... God, Kaylee, I want you so much..."

Taking a deep breath to brace herself, Kaylee took Simon into her mouth again. He hissed and arched his hips, his breathing fracturing with every lick. She smiled around his cock and gave it an experimental suck. Simon sucked in a breath, then reached for her clit. His effort was greeted with a soft mewl. _Yes,_ they both thought incoherently. _Yes._

They moved when it was too close to Simon's orgasm. They wanted to delay the inevitable, to keep the fun and games going indefinitely. He showered the tops of her full breasts with kisses, his fingers skimming the skin of her back. He was devotional, laving her breasts with his tongue before beginning to suck on them. She let out a small cry, and ran her fingers through his hair."Oh Simon... Oh... Yes, yes, right there..."

He hummed around her breast, then moved on to the other one.

"Simon," Kaylee whispered, her voice fracturing. Her hands were tangled up in his hair, brushing over the tops of his ears. The amazing things those hands could do...

Those hands in question were moving down from his hair, trailing down his chest. Then they moved down, between his legs. Her fingers were hot, touching him just where he ached most, just where he needed her. Simon was drowning in the taste, the feel of her pressed against him, skin to skin. This was too perfect, too good, too wonderful. Simon was drowning in it, drowning in the sound of Kaylee's moans, drowning in her touch. Somehow he was good enough to deserve her, somehow he had done something right along the way to her.

And then he was simply drowning, drowning, sea water filling his lungs and the sun faint and shimmery above his head. It was so far away, so far. Simon could feel the riptides pulling at his clothes, dragging him out.

It had been too good to be true. He should have known better. He didn't deserve anything good in his life, he wasn't worthy. He wasn't a good son, wasn't a good brother, wasn't going to be a good husband or father. Simon wasn't good enough, deserved to be hurt, deserved to have his hopes dashed to death on the rocks just at the edge of Blackberry Cove.

"Simon," Kaylee whispered in his ear. "Simon."

He turned his head, and he wasn't in the water anymore. He was sitting on the beach beside Kaylee. They were wearing bathing suits, wet from swimming in the Cove, and he was grinning at her madly. She was too beautiful to be real, too wonderful to be his.

"I love you, _bao bei,"_ he whispered, reaching for her. He cupped her face in his hands gently, reverently. "I love you."

She was grinning at him, leaning into his caress. "Silly boy. I know that. I knew that long before you did. I've always loved you."

"Kaylee..." Simon whispered, gently tipping her backward onto the huge beach towel. He pulled at the ties keeping her bikini top on, and soon was kissing the valley between her breasts. Then he kissed his way down to her belly, licking a trail down. She tasted of salt water and that essence that was purely Kaylee. He stopped his ministrations long enough to pull off her bikini bottom, dropping little kisses along the inside of her thigh.

His tongue sought out her aching clit, teasing it, circling it, stroking it. He had a finger inside her, stroking her. The other hand was at her hip, keeping her steady. He loved the taste of her, the scent of her. Simon loved everything about her, and needed more than just her hands. He moved swiftly, positioning himself just above her. "Now," Kaylee whispered, pleading. Simon pushed himself inside of her, stretching out over her. She opened her eyes and sighed with contentment. She traced his lips with her finger as he began to move, slowly but surely. "Simon," she murmured, a silly grin on her face.

"Kaylee," Simon whispered, moving gently over her. _I love you so much..._

She was shaking him. He was lying on his back in a strange bed with crisp white sheets, and Kaylee was shaking him awake. "Uh?" Simon muttered. He tried to reach up and rub at his face, to wipe the sleep from his eyes.

He smacked himself in the chest instead. Shit. He was in the hospital, still.

Kaylee was looking at him, face twisted in worry. "He's not back yet. Your dad, he's not back from surgery yet. The nurses said he's in recovery."

_It was a cardiac cath,_ Simon wanted to say. _It's not the same as surgery, not quite, and it's not supposed to be as bad. _But he also knew that sometimes the catheter's lead wire punctured the septum, or the vena cava, and in cases like that there had better be a damn good cardiothoracic surgeon on board.

Had that happened to Gabriel? Simon felt his blood run cold at the thought.

Kaylee held him close, cradling him. "You looked so peaceful, I almost didn't wanna wake ya, but you said to wake you when I knew something..."

"It's okay, _bao bei._ It'll be all right. This is a major hospital. They'll have everything on hand. They probably just wanted to be sure he's at his best once he comes back." They knew he was fishing for excuses, hoping for the best.

Kaylee traced the curve of his cheek gently. "I know he hurts you, but you still love him. I think... Well, I've been watching you two go at it. And I know I don't got no fancy schooling or nothing, but it looks like he does have some feelings for you. Maybe it's not like my daddy loves me, but he still loves you."

Simon tried to squeeze her hand, knew it must've been some sort of awkward and spastic motion instead of his usual grace. "I want to believe it, Kaylee."

"Maybe that's why he wants you to go back to the house. He wants to prove it to you."

"Or maybe just prove to himself he's not the bastard I think he is."

She kissed his forehead. "I'll be with you either way. He gets outta line, I'll be tellin' him so."

Simon grinned at her. "Deal."

Together, they sat and waited for Gabriel to return. Kaylee turned on Simon's vid screen and flipped around at random. She stopped at a news station and settled herself in beside Simon on his bed. "There. Now we can pretend we're watchin' the Cortex together back on Serenity."

There was the usual celebrity report, weather, updates on local politics. Simon cracked a lame joke that made Kaylee laugh anyway. He pretended to shove her over on the bed so that he could have more room to move around.

"You like being in control," she said, turning to face him with a wry grin. Her cheek grazed his, and she could feel stubble against her skin. That was so different from how he usually kept himself, something strange and new. It was nice, though, another side to Simon that Kaylee hadn't seen before. Her lips were close to his, almost touching, their breath mingling slightly.

"Yeah," he admitted. He ignored the vidscreen and looked at Kaylee. "I suppose it's being told that I should be strong. I grew up being told that Tams were always uncomparable, always in control of everything. Nothing but the best could be tolerated."

"Well, you're the best Simon Tam ever," Kaylee said with absolute conviction. Simon laughed along with her, able to let go of a piece of his childhood insecurity.

Then Simon noticed something on the vidscreen that he ordinarily would have never given a second thought to.

A dirty, nameless man was found near the docks, blood having poured out of every orifice. No one knew who he was or how he could have possibly died, but he was last seen trying to set up some kind of shady business. Anyone with any information was directed to wave the local news frequencies or their local police.

"Kaylee? Wasn't Mal supposed to have been trying to find work near the docks?" She nodded at him, eyes wide. "Tell him to keep himself safe. If someone's going around killing people, he needs to be careful. There's no use in getting a job that'll get himself killed."

"He was finishing up a delivery with Zoe. They'll be safe."

Simon leaned against Kaylee. "I hope so. If I'm really not disowned... we don't have to worry anymore. I can take care of the bill, still buy the infirmary supplies and the medicines... I can pull my own weight."

She laughed. "Oh Simon, you always did. You're our medic, you're my soon-to-be husband. It's not money that does it... You're part of us. You're part of our family."

Simon turned his head and pressed a kiss against Kaylee's cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?" Kaylee asked, turning to face him with a half smile. "I didn't do nothing special."

"Just for being you. For not needing me to say the right thing all the time."

She grinned and then kissed his forehead. "I just need ya to say what you mean. I don't expect ya to get it right all the time. Just do your best, and we'll be okay. Life's not perfect, and you can't expect it to be. We'll figure out the rest of it."

***

Matthew Cobb had grown up in the shadow of his older brother Jayne. Jayne was the eldest, he was the one that helped Pa with the other children. He was the one whose voice rose so their Pa's wouldn't have to. He dropped out of school early but pushed Mattie to stay in. He worked in the mines alongside Pa for a year or two before Old Man Hunter offered him a job at the scrap yard just past town. Jayne had worked there until Tina died, and then everything had come crashing down around them.

Pa hadn't wanted to say anything about it. Jayne had just taken off, and had never said goodbye to anyone. Mattie had been in school, and no one really cared what he thought about anything anyway. He was too little, too young. Jayne was already technically a man, and he could do whatever he pleased. He didn't have to stay on the homestead if he didn't want to. But Mattie was eleven, and he had to do what everyone else said.

No one ever asked his opinion. He was eleven, he was a child. It didn't matter if he was the smartest Cobb in the entire extended family. It didn't matter that he could possibly even go off world for schooling. He had secretly dreamed of attending school on Persephone. It was the closest to the Core he could possibly get, but it was plenty closer than Beylix. He was smart enough even then to know that Core worlds meant money, and scholarships were fragile, ephemeral things. They would never last long enough to support a full year in the Core, let alone a full program.

But then, he might not have met Caro. Caroline Rafferty was a nurse at the school where Mattie taught chemistry. She was the sweetest and best thing that had ever happened to him at Hunting Darren's, that was for sure.

"You're worrying about something," Caro sang out, head cocked toward his. They were sitting side by side on the mule, heading toward the Cobb homestead.

He turned to her with a smile. He grabbed a lock of her dark golden hair and pulled on it playfully. "You know me. I'm always worrying about something. If it's not Ma, it's you or the students or what my fool brother is up to."

"It'll be fine in the morning. Things usually are."

Mattie tried to smile at her. "If you say so."

She grinned at him and tweaked his nose. "I say so."

"I've had this bad feeling all day..."

"Mattie, I told you at lunchtime..."

"I know, I know. My imagination running away from me."

"Exactly. Things are boring around here, that's all." Caro leaned back in the seat and looked at the dusty hills rolling past them. "I don't think my life will be."

"Not much else 'round these parts but boring, Caro, I told you."

"Things are just beginning," Caro said with a small smile. She was so much more perceptive than people ever gave her credit for.

"No, nothing's ever happened in ages. It's the Rim. What could happen out here?"

"It only seems that way, I'm sure..."

Mattie shook his head. "Caro..."

She laughed at him playfully. "You just try to make up for everyone she's ever lost. You don't stop long enough to realize that's not what she wants. Your Ma wants you to be yourself, to be happy under your own steam."

"Easy for you to say..."

"No," she said, suddenly serious. Her eyes were large and luminous as she looked at him. "It's not easy to say. It's not. But you're the only one that's living your life. It's not your Ma telling you what to do. This is your own life. Together, we've got something."

"If they knew how misery loved me..."

Caro snorted and looked away. "You got in a damn morbid mood, Mattie. Really, now. Your Ma will think we had a fight or something." She turned back and looked at him skeptically. "Did that Baines kid fail again?"

Mattie rolled his eyes. "My happiness is _not_ dependent on passing all of my students. If they fail an exam, they fail an exam."

"Mattie...." Caro crooned.

"Okay, he failed again."

She laughed and threw her arms around him. "He'll get it at some point, you know. It just takes a bit before it makes sense for most people."

"If you say so."

"I told you. I say so."

They laughed together, and continued on their way.

***

A transport orderly wheeled in a stretcher next to Gabriel's bed. At first Simon couldn't see who was in it, and he was very afraid that Gabriel hadn't made it. Someone new would be his roommate now, someone who didn't know his story or why he was on telemetry even after a week. Simon would have to make small talk when he didn't want to, didn't know how to. He would have to sit and smile and pretend he cared about someone else's life. He would have to explain why his hands flopped about like dying fish out of water, why he couldn't seem to make his feet do more than wiggle on command.

But then Kaylee was smiling at him, and the fear drained away. It wasn't bad then. She wouldn't grin as wide as she was if it was something terrible. Simon had assumed she had a nice chat with his father one day while he was on the physical therapy floor; Gabriel seemed like a different man after the first day he had come in.

_Could it possibly be only a week since we left River behind?_

There were new evening medications waiting for Gabriel. Simon recognized them as cardiac medications. The medication nurse smiled at Gabriel's scowling face. "Welcome to the wonderful world of coumadin, Mr. Tam," she chirped sweetly.

"What is that?" he growled, shifting about in bed uncomfortably.

"Your doctor mentioned a blood thinner, didn't he?" Gabriel nodded glumly. "Well, that's coumadin. It thins your blood."

"Well, are they taking off the heparin?" Gabriel whined, lifting his left arm. "They keep sticking me with those needles."

"Well, that would be your doctor deciding that," the nurse said. She made sure Gabriel swallowed the coumadin pill along with his other cardiac meds. "Though usually you would still be on heparin for the first few days of coumadin."

"Lovely," Gabriel groused. He folded his arms over his chest. "So I'm still here for a few more days, then."

"I would assume so. But talk to your doctor about that. They'll be rounding in the morning."

"Rounds," he groused as the nurse left. He looked over at Simon and Kaylee. "Why do they call it rounds, anyway?"

"Because we go around to every patient on the team," Simon said, looking at the ceiling. The pain of it was a dull ache. It almost didn't hurt so much to be reminded of his medical roots. Almost. Really. He could ignore that twinge of resentment and pain. He had been doing it for years without realizing it. What was something else to ignore?

"Sounds silly," Gabriel muttered. "And aren't there any other medications I could take besides this coumadin crap?"

"It's been around for hundreds of years, since even the Earth-That-Was," Simon replied, voice dull to his ears. "There isn't much better than that for anticoagulation."

Kaylee was rubbing his shoulder gently. Maybe she could feel the disappointment in him. Maybe she thought she was helping. Simon couldn't say if it was or not. He knew he liked knowing she was close by, that she wasn't about to leave him while he was so useless. He had already been turned aside when he had been considered useless.

"Humph. Over five hundred years, and nothing better."

"Physiology didn't change," Simon said. "Why should the medication?"

Gabriel looked over at Simon, whose face was turned away. "I don't know why you should be the one sounding so glum. You should be getting better."

"Should be."

"Oh, you are!" Kaylee joined in. She kept patting his shoulder, and Simon grit his teeth to keep from saying something stupid about it. "You're getting better and better every day. I talk to your therapist, we practice some..."

"Can't you see the boy's depressed?" Gabriel snapped. Kaylee's mouth snapped shut with a click.

"You shut up!" Simon roared, turning to face his father. "Don't you dare speak to Kaylee like that! She's here with me. She's choosing to stay with me! You're only here because you can't get away from me!"

Kaylee's hand flew to her mouth in shock, and Gabriel's eyes narrowed.

"Is this you being foolish again, son? Are you trying to get me so mad at you that I'll revoke your invitation home? Are you trying to feel sorry for yourself?"

"Just leave me alone." _You don't understand,_ he wanted to say. _Both of you. Neither of you understand what this is doing to me..._

Kaylee leaned down and kissed his cheek. "How about I go get you something to drink? How about a milkshake?"

"Sure," Simon said with an awkward shrug.

She slipped out silently, her face troubled. She didn't look back, but immediately sought out Simon's nurse. Maybe one of the doctors from Simon's team was still around. If she was lucky, one of the night float doctors would be the nice one she had spoken to the other day. That doctor had a way with people, and he might be able to ease Simon's worries a bit.

"You're going to drive her away if you keep doing that," Gabriel warned.

"Spare me the loving father routine," Simon sneered. "We both know it's not your favorite role to play. You'd much rather be a commander."

Gabriel snorted. "You think you know so much just because you're a doctor?"

"No. That's not it. That's never been it. You never bothered to figure out what was important to me. Let's not pretend you have any idea, all right? Because you don't."

Gabriel could hear the tone of Simon's voice. He was clearly sorry for himself, and clearly didn't want to believe that Gabriel had any fatherly instinct. But just because Gabriel didn't express himself the way Simon had wanted didn't mean he didn't love his son. Gabriel had expectations, however, and always had wanted Simon to be worthy of his name.

"You're still welcome. It's still your home. We're still your parents, whatever happens," Gabriel said slowly. "Maybe you've changed so much you don't fit in there anymore, but it's still your home and you're welcome whenever you want to visit."

"You're not going to push anymore?" Simon asked in disbelief.

Gabriel looked away. "It's not as though that worked."

"No. It didn't."

"So why try?"

"That doesn't sound like you."

Gabriel shrugged. "Maybe we both need some changing."

Simon swallowed painfully. "Maybe."

"Be nicer to her," Gabriel said gently. Simon looked at his father sharply. "We had a chat," he began. His gaze slid away from Simon's. "It was... enlightening. I never realized how dangerous it was for you."

"It's not like being in Capital City."

"No, I don't suppose it is." Gabriel waited for a long moment. "Are you happy?"

Simon thought about it. He had been shot at, humiliated, thrown up on, punched, slapped, screamed at, knifed and poisoned. He had also found a kind of peace amongst the crew, helped to ease his sister's distress and found the love of his life.

He smiled at his father, his first real one all day. "Yes. Yes, I am."

"It's a rare thing."

"I suppose it is."

"You should work hard to keep it."

Simon felt the tightness in his chest ease. "I intend to."

***

Inara received Mal's message with a frown. They were on Ariel? Simon was a patient at St. Lucy's? River was gone and never to be spoken of again? She should pick up extra work while they were planetside?

She pushed her hair out of her face and did a quick Cortex search. No mention of Simon or River as fugitives. No mention of anyone orchestrating a siege on the hospital or its environs. She couldn't figure it out. Mal had never really encouraged her to see more clients than she originally scheduled at any particular drop. Usually he was quite particular about scheduling, and usually wanted her to cut her visits short.

Something was happening, and it was something he wanted to keep her away from. Inara might not know what it was all about, but obviously it had something to do with River. She had been amazingly stable for the past month on her medication. Simon had said it was an astonishingly low dose compared to what he had previously kept her on. She had been all smiles and waves when Inara had headed to her clients on Shinon, and had sailed away with a steady hand. Inara doubted that River had gone off the deep end and had a relapse. Perhaps a bounty hunter was after them again? Did she have more secrets stowed away inside her troubled mind? Perhaps there was still interest in her from the Academy?

There was really only one way to find out.

Inara set in a course for Ariel.

***

Zoe looked over at Mal as they waited in the lobby of one of the larger buildings in the city's business district. "What did you tell Inara?"

"To stay away and drum up some more business."

"You know she'll be heading straight here," Zoe murmured. "She's like that."

"No. She'll do the smart thing and keep her neck out of this one."

"Somehow I don't think she'll consider it the smart thing to do. She's bound to us, and she's a member of the crew, like it or not." Zoe shot Mal an amused look. "Did you honestly think she would listen to you and stay away?"

"I guess I hoped," Mal admitted. He ran a hand through his hair and ignored the sour look the lobby information director shot at them.

"She never did behave the way you hoped, sir." Zoe leveled a long look at him. "When are you going to tell her what you feel?"

Mal shot Zoe an exasperated look. "I don't feel anything but a whole lot of impatience about now. Where's Mr. Johnson with our payment?"

"About Inara," Zoe insisted. "It's plain as day to me."

Mal sighed and looked away. "And what would I say? What could I possibly offer her? I don't have anything more than a boat free and clear and skating on the edge of legitimacy. She was Alliance in the war." Mal shook his head. "That's not even it. That's not the truth."

"Then what is?"

"You know... Before the war, I actually almost got married."

Zoe cocked her head sideways to look at him. "I didn't know that."

"But it doesn't matter now. After a while, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing lasts."

"What happened?"

Mal's look was bleak. "She died. Just like everyone else I've ever loved. So it's real simple, you know. Just.... _stop,_ and then it doesn't repeat."

"The thing is, it's not that easy."

"I know. But if everyone I love dies, then it's better for her if I don't. If I don't love her, she's safe, and then she can keep on Companioning. Nothing ever happens to people I hate, you know. They always seem to turn up, safe and sound somehow. So I don't love her, and she'll be fine."

"Love doesn't work that way, though," Zoe said gently.

Mal gave her a weary smile. "I know. Don't stop me from trying."

"We all gotta try sometimes." Her gaze drifted back over to the lobby's desk clerk, who was speaking with someone official looking. "Seems like Mr. Johnson is here." She turned back to Mal, her gaze searching his face. "You gonna be all right?"

"Of course. You know me. More bounceback than good sense."

Zoe snorted. "You can say that again. All right, then, sir."

They both got up and headed toward the lobby clerk.

***

Mattie pulled up in the front yard of the house then coasted to a stop behind the garden. He jumped out with a cheerful bounce and helped Caro out of the mule. He pulled the cover over it and tucked the ends under the bumper to keep it in place. There was supposedly a windstorm coming into the area, and the dust would completely muck up the works in the mule. While there was really only another three months to the school year, it would be hell to have to ride the way in on their aging horses. Caro thought it was a hoot, but Mattie never let her ride the really rowdy horses left in the stables.

They came in the side door, smelling the scent of dinner as it was cooking. "Ma!" Mattie called out over the bang of the screen door. "We're home!"

Caro opened the refrigerator door and poured out two glasses of water. "Seems odd she's not looking over the stew," she murmured, sipping at the water. She moved to the stove and uncovered the pot. "Oh. Still in the simmer stage. I'd guess we actually made good time today. It looks like we're an hour too early today."

Mattie gratefully accepted his glass of water after tossing his keys into the key dish on the side table. He looked over the notices tacked to the board on the wall, frowning at the calendar. "Is it just me, or is it awful quiet for this time of day?"

Caro shrugged. "Maybe your Uncle Timmy decided to drop by? After Uncle Vernon passed, he's been keeping an eye on your Ma."

"But Tim's pulled extra shifts at the mines lately," Mattie said, putting his now empty glass into the sink. It was empty, so Vera had likely been in the middle of cleaning up when she was called away. "Don't think he'll be by lately. Aunt Marty said last week they're hoping to get time off this summer for a stay in Helot."

"I don't think that'll happen anytime soon. That mine owns Uncle Timmy."

"Just about," Mattie agreed with a nod. "Same would've happened to Pa by now if he lived."

Caro looped her arms around Mattie and kissed his cheek. "Well, we can invite them over if they get a day off in the summer."

There was the sound of footsteps upstairs, and they looked up. "There we go. Must be Ma coming on down to check on dinner."

"We oughta be good and check on the local frequencies..."

"I did that during lunch. Rainstorm early next week, probably dust tonight into tomorrow. Other than that, it's dry and hot all the way through."

"I could always check and see if our monthlies came in..."

Mattie grinned at her. "I checked that, too. Yours came in, but all I got was the union notices. Maybe Monday I'll get my delivery..."

"Thanks, sweetie," Caro said, kissing his cheek again. She could hear footsteps on the stairs, and it sounded like more than one pair of feet.

Caro pulled back. "Did your Ma say she was planning on company?"

"No. That she would've warned me about. I don't like surprises..."

Voices carried down the stairs. "...not a problem, dear. At least it's going to good use. Otherwise I suppose it'll all just gather dust and the like..."

Three people entered the kitchen as Vera's voice trailed off. Mattie and Caro stared at the two people beside Vera. The girl was slim, almost fragile looking, with long black hair and big brown eyes that seemed to take everything in. She was wearing a red sundress with yellow flowers on them, and she was wearing brand new red sandals. Behind her was a tall man, muscular and well built. He had the same dark hair and blue eyes that Mattie did.

Caro turned to Mattie in confusion. "Which relative is this?"

Mattie stared, his gaze sharp. "Caro, this is my brother Jayne."

***  
***


	12. Extraordinary Machine

"Stars, hide your fires. Show not my dark and deep desires."

Jayne looked at River in irritation, and blew out a breath. "Mattie. Hey."

Mattie looked at his brother in suspicion. "What did you do?" He looked from Jayne to River, that suspicious look still on his face. Jayne couldn't remember Mattie ever looking at him like that when they were children, and it was downright unsettling to see it on his adult brother's face. It made him feel as though he had done something wrong just then, and he was the elder brother in the family. It was his job to take care of everything, not Mattie.

_But you left, you selfish_ hun dan, he told himself. _You ain't the man of the house no more, you gave it up..._

"I didn't do nothing," Jayne said. "Can't a body come back to his boyhood home?"

That suspicious look deepened, and Mattie gestured at River. "Who's she?"

Jayne gave a nervous laugh. "Funny story, that..."

"Why don't we hear it?" Mattie prompted when Jayne trailed off. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at his brother. Jayne had barely even written over the past sixteen years, and when he had, it didn't take a big stretch of the imagination to figure out what went between the lines in his letters. Mattie had always been an intelligent boy, and he had grown up into a fairly intelligent man. It was something that had always been stressed. His lungs had always been weaker than the other kids' lungs, and so he had to have something that made him special, something that would allow him to succeed. If the body was a touch weak, that left the mind to work out. He was fairly sharp at reading between lines; the unsaid often told him more than the said, and it had kept him a step ahead of the bullies after Jayne left.

River glanced from Mattie to Jayne. "This is in error," she whispered. "No good can come of this just yet. Please do not..."

Jayne smiled at his brother and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, you see, we didn't know about her or nothin'. I figgered you was available. So when River here needed someone to marry, I told 'er you were available."

River sighed and edged slightly closer to Vera. "I told him this was a bad idea," she whispered.

Mattie glared at his brother. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, Ma never wrote about no girl, so I thought you was available. Like I said," Jayne added almost uncertainly. "Didn't hear nothing about her, so I figgered I was helping you out, too. She needed a husband, and I figgered you could use a wife."

"I have a fiancee, thanks," Mattie said through grit teeth. Caro laid a hand on his arm, meaning to calm him down. Mattie shook her off. "You have some nerve, Jayne. No visits in sixteen years, and you just come on in like you still belong here."

"Matthew!" Vera hissed, scandalized. "You go in the den and calm down. You will _not_ speak like that to your brother."

Mattie glared at Jayne on his way out of the kitchen. "Fine. I'm not gonna stand there and listen to him thinking like it can be the way it was."

Caro looked at Vera helplessly, then went off after Mattie. Vera sighed and headed to her stove, peeking into the pot. There was really nothing to say.

"When'd he get like that?" Jayne demanded of his mother. "He used ta look up to me!"

"You used to be here, Jayne," Vera told him, not turning around. "What did you expect to happen? It's been sixteen years. He's not a little boy anymore. He's a grown man ready to start his own family and have babies of his own. A lot's changed around here since you left. You can't expect everything to be the same."

Jayne was startled by the feel of River slipping her hand into his. "Nothing stays the same," she told him solemnly. "Even stone must change with the water flow."

Jayne shook her off and left the kitchen in a huff.

***

"Mr. Lahey, this is most displeasing."

The corpulent man behind the counter at the docks could almost hear his life ticking away. The two men in front of him were frightening, though they looked rather nondescript. He looked from one to the other, trying to determine who they were and what the significance of their strange blue gloves were. "I'm sorry... Who are you again?"

One offered a thin smile. "Mr. Merchant, did we not introduce ourselves?"

The other inclined his head. "I do believe we did, Mr. Grace."

Lahey could feel sweat drip down his spine. He almost shivered with his fear, though he couldn't say why he was so afraid. He was a paper pusher. He had nothing to do with anything official, just recording ships that docked and who their captains were. He updated the records, kept them all in line for the inspectors. "In any case, I'm afraid I can't help you without some kind of an official inquiry. It would be against policy."

"Well, Mr. Merchant, we would not want to be violating policy."

"Of course not," the other said, head tilting just so. His lips stretched back in a grimace of a smile at Lahey, then slipped a thin plasfilm sheet at him. "So here are our orders."

Lahey looked down at the plasfilm and quickly read the orders on it. He looked up at each man, wanting to hide beneath the desk. "It will take some time to track down this information for you. Is there an office comm number I can reach you at?"

"We will return in the morning. This is of the utmost importance." The man leaned in slightly against the counter. "You will find this for us by then."

"Yes sir," Lahey stammered. "Of course."

"It is best not to disappoint us."

"That would be most unfortunate."

The two men moved with an eerie grace out of the registration office. Lahey's hand trembled, and he looked down at the plasfilm sheet in his hand. Shipboard manifest of any and every Firefly on Ariel, and cross reference it to their prior manifests.

He had the feeling that his time was very short indeed.

***

River found Jayne just before dinner. He and Mattie had avoided each other the entire time, and it was something that Vera had found more irritating than amusing. "Jayne?"

"What?" He didn't look up from where he was sharpening his hunting knife. It was already razor sharp and able to slide through skin like butter.

"You do not comprehend, so you do not react appropriately. You do not follow, you do not understand. He is not the same creature you remember."

"Not you, too," Jayne spat, looking up. "Lookit, we're brothers. It'll pass."

"You hurt him."

Jayne snorted. "He made it real clear he don't want nothing to do with me. So how's that me hurtin' him any? He's my baby brother. I ain't gonna hurt him."

"Words slice like blades," River said softly. She rested her temple against the door frame. There was a wisp of a memory there, a child's hand pressing up against it. He braced himself against the door, hesitant, his other hand curled in front of his coughing mouth. _Jayne, I ain't gettin' no better... I think you need to wake Mama..._

"I'll keep it in mind," he sneered. "Now git."

"We are quite extraordinary."

"What?"

"Humans. The one animal capable of devouring itself and denying itself, a machine capable of slicing apart itself from the inside out."

"No _feng le_ words now, else they won't help you."

"Your mother is a most excellent woman. She will give me aid even if you won't." With that pronouncement, River spun away from the doorframe.

Jayne stared at the empty doorframe for some time.

***

Gabriel was snoring away in the bed occupying the other half of Room 17. Simon awkwardly placed his empty cup on the bedside table and looked over at Kaylee. "I'm sorry about before. It was just... sometimes I don't even know what happens..."

She threaded her fingers through his and smiled at him gently. "I know, _bao bei,"_ she whispered. "If my hands weren't working, and I couldn't fix up Serenity, I don't know how I would be. It's gotta be like that, when your hands are your whole life."

She did know. He was an ass. Simon grimaced and pulled on her hand so she could come closer to him. "I was stupid, Kaylee. Please, I don't want you to be mad at me. I couldn't stand it if you were mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"But you were. Or you could've been, and I don't know what I would do." Simon moved his other hand towards her face, and she cupped it to her cheek. He tried not to resent the fact that he couldn't even touch her properly. "I've been alone for so long, sometimes I don't know how to explain things. I... I'm not good at this. I can't... Talking isn't good for me. People always judge you on what you say, how you say it..."

"I ain't no fancy Core girl," Kaylee insisted.

"I know. But... you deserve to be told that you're loved, that you're wonderful. I once screwed everything up by not telling you, and I almost lost you. I don't ever want it like that again. It's terrible." Simon pushed himself off of the bed as best as he could so he could kiss her. "I don't want to take this out on you, Kaylee. You deserve better."

"I know it ain't your fault." She smiled at him sweetly. "I asked that nice overnight doc to come by and talk to you. Maybe there's something else you need than just me sayin' you'll be better. Maybe talking to somebody else can help. So it don't feel like you're drowning and taking me along with you."

He sighed and felt himself collapse back down to the bed. She was perceptive. "I'm sorry."

"It's rough. It's all right to feel like nothing changes, nothing happens."

"I don't know what to do. I've spent my entire life building up to be a doctor, a surgeon. What do I do if I can't even do that?"

"Then we're going to work on it and figure it out. Nothing's set yet. This ain't the end of the world, Simon. We've got time to figure it out." She settled a kiss on his forehead and watched him shut his eyes to get some sleep.

"We've got lots of time," she murmured, looking over his exhausted form. Kaylee leaned down and rested her head over his chest. His heart beat steady beneath her ear, and his breath was coming in and out of him steadily. She could almost pretend they were in his bunk on Serenity, this was all a dream, they would wake and find everything the way it was before.

She knew it wasn't going to end that way. But sometimes it was nice to pretend, even if it was only for a little while.

***

In. Out. In. Out. Over and then under. In. Out. In. Out.

It was only a matter of time before they would contact her. She had left the estate, she had left the planet. Whispers would become shouts, and others would fear the worst. They would think she had started to care, they would think she had started to plot. _You know your place in all of this. Do not ever forget your duty._

It was bright and sunny outside, but her hands felt cold and almost numb. _You know the way of it, my dear. You know what we have to ask of you._ Regan felt a chill pass through her at the memory. She was doing nothing but remembering lately, waiting for the inevitable call when she stepped even the slightest bit out of line. _You know what you have to sacrifice for the cause. That boy was nothing. We have chosen the proper husband for you, and the agreement will carry on for your generation as well. Until we have the final product, we will have to continue as we have been doing._

Regan took a look at her needlework, then back out of the window of the sun room. _Can you dance with me, Mama?_

It had been better to cut the connections early. It had been better to leave it all in the hands of others, to take the tonics and rest while her heart was slowly shredded to pieces. Regan knew her place, knew what she had to do. Circles within circles, whispers in the walls, plans and plots and understandings beneath hidden handshakes. She was a pawn, a piece to be played in a larger game and discarded when no longer needed. She only had to pull the appropriate strings and set things all in motion. She had never been the important one, she had never been the one that necessary for the game. It wasn't Regan that would be the focus, but River. Regan was only the means to an end. She arranged for dancing lessons, piano lessons, flute lessons, voice lessons and tutors in the arts and sciences that River had shown aptitude for. She made the introductions and Gabriel paid the bills. _Did you see what I just did? Mama, look!_

After a while, the child just stopped asking her. She knew on some level not to ask, since there could be no answer. Regan had wanted to believe it was all right to have a daughter, that another child would be allowed.

_You only keep one,_ she had been told. Their voices slid over her, cutting her to ribbons, sharp as cut glass. _One is yours to keep, but one belongs to us. This is the condition set down by your grandfather. It is bound and set, you know this. You know what this is about. Your father kept you, sent your sister to us. Now it is your turn to choose._

She had cut her wrist over a photo, and the drops had fallen over her daughter's face. _I want to go on believing in everything. But they took her away from me..._

Don't worry, dear one. I will be your Father now.

Shadows descended over her needlework. "Mistress? There is a call for you in the other room."

Yes. She had known it was going to come to this. Regan nodded at the nameless, faceless servant and waited until he left the room. Everything was quiet and still in the room, everything looked like a society magazine pressed under glass.

Regan rose from the gilt chair after setting her needlework aside. It didn't matter anymore, none of it. Nothing mattered anymore. _Where has my heart gone?_

The call was holding in the next room. Regan sat down and smoothed the skirt of her dress primly. Not a hair was out of place, and her makeup was impeccable. Her manicure was perfect, a demure color that would not catch too much attention from stray eyes. Regan waited for her prompt to begin speaking. She had to go through the motions. Even after all these years, there was no excuse to be rude or not go through the proper protocols. It had been bred into her very bones, trained into her from birth. Regan knew how it went.

"Regan," the figure on the other end of the vidscreen said. He smiled at her, teeth stretched wide and ready to swallow her up. The smile never touched his eyes, and he devoured the elegant sight of her. "You look very well."

"Thank you, Father."

He had brown eyes and brown hair, deeply set wrinkles and a rough edge that made him seem almost dangerous at first glance. He was very rarely trifled with. His eyes narrowed at Regan, taking in her distracted expression. "You didn't take your tonic this morning."

Regan thought of the glass smashed against the wall as she shook her head. That was unlikely to have traveled all the way to Londinium. "I did, Father. All is well. Gabriel is ill and is in the hospital. I am merely worried about his health."

"I heard of this."

"He will return soon." Regan kept her voice soft, proper. This was not the time to forget herself, to fall into the despair she so desperately wished to fall into. Gabriel had protected her from this, though he had never known.

"And your children?"

Regan lifted her eyes and met the other pair in the vidscreen. "My son is ill as well. I have no other children."

"Good, good. It wouldn't do to forget that." He steepled his hands in front of his face. "I had heard many disturbing reports."

"I don't know what you have heard. I remain here."

Regan could almost feel the press of a hand against her throat as he smiled at her. "Of course. I have forgotten. It must be difficult to be alone."

"I will manage."

"There is no need. I can come stay with you." The smile was a predator's, the voice was a hunter's. Regan repressed a shiver.

Regan shook her head firmly. "No. He will return soon. There is no need for you to divert your plans and attend to me. I will be fine."

His gaze was sharp. "Good. I am pleased at your progress."

"Thank you, Father," Regan said, inclining her head. She could almost taste blood on her lip, could almost feel the sting of a whip against her back.

"See that you continue to do well. I wouldn't want... setbacks. That would not bode well for your health, my dear."

"Of course not."

"See that you take your medicines and you keep your mind clear. You know that we know best, and we only ask of you what is right to give."

Regan inclined her head. "Of course, Father."

"Yes. You always were the obedient one."

Regan remembered being in a corner, cowering. Her arms were over her face. Her sister was screaming in the distance, clawing at the walls.

"Have a wonderful day, Father. I don't want to keep you. You have more important things to do than worry about me."

There was the flash of even teeth before they disappeared behind thin lips. Regan was reminded of knives. "Always thoughtful, Regan. You've never made us regret our choices."

"We do what we can for the good of us all," Regan parroted, head inclined deeply.

He grinned at her, pleased. "Yes. We do. Take care of yourself, Regan."

Regan calmly disconnected from the call and resisted the urge to throw the vidscreen across the room. She rose just as calmly and retrieved her needlework from the next room. She took it with her into the bedroom, lying it down on her bedside table. She very carefully began to draw a bath, dropping in scented oils and lighting candles. She locked the bedroom door and then locked the bathroom door. She very carefully stripped to the skin, folding her clothes in a precise manner and placing them on the bench near the door. The bathroom was large, with marble tiles and gold accents everywhere. It was all understated and elegant, nothing out of place. Only the best for the Tams, and nothing would ever be disturbed.

She stepped into the scalding hot bath and let the steam hide her tears.

***

There were secrets within the walls. They sat, lying in wait, hoping to be discovered. River could remember the feeling creeping along her skin, the knowledge that others were beyond those walls and waiting to see if she could read their secrets. There was no one to tell her how best to use the abilities they had given her. She was to test them in action, _in situ, in vivo._ "If you're not smart enough to discover it for yourself, then you're not smart enough to use it wisely. If that's the case, we will have to make a few changes." The glint of a hunter's teeth drawn back behind thin lips into a grimace of a smile that never reached his eyes. "You won't like it if we make changes, child. No one ever likes the changes we make."

The world had seemed distorted then, gray and blue and tilting on an axis she couldn't walk on without falling. She hadn't been warned of that. There had never been a warning, just an offer that was too good to believe, too good to be true. River had wanted to believe in it, because she had never been given a reason not to believe. But the lessons were painful ones, and the words were all lies, all smoke and mirrors. As much as she had hated the visions, it was worse when the words began to take shape, and the nightmares began to come true. When that happened, she knew it was only a matter of time before the rictus grin would be pasted over her face as they pushed the needles in. The threats would be made manifest, and someone unrecognizable would stare back at her in the mirror.

She was supposed to be safe in the black. She was supposed to be safe only in the air and on the move, so ground meant bad and machines meant terror.

No. No, that wasn't right. Not here, not on a Rim world with Vera cooking away in the kitchen and humming a song she had used to sing to Christina.

"I'm waiting on the sun to drive away the rain, I'm waiting on the clouds to drive away the sun and bring on the rain. I'm waiting on the time for it all to begin again..."

Her voice was rough, skipping over the notes they should have been. Christina hadn't minded, since she couldn't sing at all. It was Christina's favorite song, and she used to play it on the family recording player for hours on end.

River stood in the doorway, remembering the memories not her own that were pressed into the old wood. They were safer than her own, more pleasant than her own.

Vera noticed her in the doorway after a moment. "Oh! There you are. I was wondering where you went off to." Vera smiled at her. "I thought you wanted to learn to cook. It's a bit late now, since it's almost done. I was just making up the salad. You can set the table. We'll use the good china in the cabinet and the good glasses. I already put out the tablecloth in the dining room."

Family things. Chores. Something kin did together, the routine of daily living in an ordinary household. River didn't know these things and ached to learn them.

This was real. This was reality, finality, practicality. This would be her life soon enough, and it was time to learn how to be something solid and based on fact. No fantasy, no blurred lines between peoples' thoughts.

River knew the components of a proper table. She had eaten at one for many years, though she had never actually set one. She could picture her family dining room table in the back of her mind, and began digging into the drawers of the credenza in the dining room. She could do this. Forks, knives, spoons. The large dinner plate and the smaller salad plate. The water glass and the wine glass. The small bread plate and its butter knife set across it.

Solid things, real things. This would be her world now. She could ignore the rest of it, the past that perhaps was finally setting her free. Whispering words that dribble and creep down the walls could be ignored now. She was to be a real girl, a real member of the family. Vera had said so, she had told her so.

_I am a ticking time bomb. I'll take you down._

No. That wasn't right. That wasn't real. That wasn't what was happening.

Maybe she needed more than the usual dose of her medication here. Or maybe her worry was making her metabolize the drug too fast. Simon was the doctor. Simon knew the differentials, how to tamp down the panic before it really set in. Simon knew how to make her feel all right, even if it wasn't.

River squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the bite of a butter knife blade against her palm. She knew how to use even blunt blades and edges to the best effect. She knew all sorts of things she shouldn't. She would have to watch her step, make sure that her former training didn't bleed through her nightmares into her waking world. Reavers were one thing. Hope runs gibbering into a corner when Reavers are about, never to be seen again. But she would have to make sure that her frayed edges didn't make her forget where she was, who she was. She was River, not Reaver, not Rover. She was done playing tricks.

"River?"

She looked up, startled. She nearly dropped the butter knife, but it was clenched tightly in her closed fist. River gently placed it down on a bread plate.

"D'you need help?"

River shook her head at Caro and tried to smile like a real girl. It felt rather mechanical, but it seemed to fool Caro. "I think I have everything placed correctly."

"I'm Caroline Rafferty. I'm Mattie's fiancee."

"Congratulations."

Caroline smiled in relief. "I don't know what Jayne was thinking, promising you to somebody without asking. But hey, if you need a man to marry, there's plenty around."

"I am sure the tale will be told tonight. Vera has not yet asked for my clarification."

"And it would be nice if Mattie and me were in on it, too." Caro looked over the dinner table and nodded. "It looks all done."

"I remember the components to a proper table setting. There isn't much of an opportunity to use all of the proper pieces on a ship."

"No, I don't suppose there are." Caroline pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She was almost uncomfortable, since she didn't quite know what to make of the girl in front of her. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen. I will be nineteen soon enough."

Old enough to marry, old enough to know the entire 'verse was waiting for her. Caro tried to smile at the girl in reassurance. "So why get married so soon? What's the rush?"

"It's part of the tale to be told." River looked over the table. It was complete. "But I cannot trust that those who would legally be my next of kin would act in my best interest. They have failed me already, and my surrogate family would not give them another chance to fail me. So I must have a husband that would let me be."

Caro blinked. Oh. That hadn't quite been what she and Mattie had been expecting. River hadn't looked like some down and out whore that Jayne had taken a shine to, which had been Mattie's pet theory. Then again, Mattie seemed dead set on believing the worst of Jayne at the moment. Caro had wanted to wait and see for herself what the story was.

"That's where Mattie would've come in, huh?" River nodded, and Caro heaved a sigh. "But he's taken, and we're real happy as we are."

"I understand. I would not disrupt a family." River slipped past Caro. "I must assist Vera. I promised I would learn to be a proper member of this family."

Caro watched her leave, a thin waif hiding in the shadows of the room. Caro had a frown on her face. Something bad was simmering in River's mind, and it likely had to do with her story. Caro had a feeling she wasn't going to like what she heard over dinner.

***  
***


	13. Reminisce

Everything was laid out on the table and set in place. Vera sat at the head of the table. Mattie and Caro sat on her right side, Jayne and River on her left. The brothers refused to look at each other across the table, much to Vera's annoyance. "Oh stop it, you're not twelve years old!" she had snapped when they refused to pass the vegetables to each other.

Once everything was dished out onto plates and drinks were poured, Vera smiled at River. "Now then, why don't you start from the beginning, River? That way there's no confusion."

The beginning. When she was born to a Teller and someone that didn't know if he had any gifts but a cold heart and icy soul. When her fragile self was promised away as a child. When she had pretended to fight in a war with her brother against the dangerous dinosaurs threatening to overtake the estate. When she discovered her love of dance. When she discovered music and acoustics and physics and math and the love of scientific things. When she discovered she could read faces as easily as music and equations. When she could hear the nuance in voices and react instantly to the things people did not say in words.

The beginning was not appropriate. Not that beginning, anyway.

"I was fourteen when the graduate physics program became too easy for me. There was no challenge in it." River could see that Mattie was startled, but he held his peace. "What's difficult for me is living with this expectation of always being the best, being the perfect and proper Tam at all times. It is this standard that I've held myself to for all of my years. I could not comprehend why there was no challenge. It wasn't enough just to be good, I had to be the best at something difficult to master. Then I heard about an Alliance Academy. It was a prestigious one, and only the best were even offered an interview. It was no guarantee to attend." River wanted to scream that it was all a lie, that her family had willingly believed in falsehoods, but she had a spoonful of stew instead. She knew how to be graceful and polite. She knew how to be proper. It would only make her seem more sane now.

"I was accepted. I thought it was a good program, an accelerated one. I was supposed to learn, but I didn't know what their curriculum was." River's hand trembled only a little bit. "The part that hurts the most is that I let them do it, I let them take me even though there was this feeling that the doctor wasn't telling me the complete truth about them. I wanted to excel. It was really all I ever knew."

"What were you learning?" Mattie asked, brow wrinkling in confusion.

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter now. They didn't keep their promise, not as it was implied at the time. It didn't correlate. The Gen Ed program gave way to the even more accelerated and precise classes. But..." River's hand shook, and she put her fork down. Forks could be weapons, too. Everything could be weapons, even little girls. "They began testing us. They began with a few behavioral tapes, they began making changes to the cortical structure. Long term memory tracks were laid down, multiple one way tracks, enabling us to think faster. Different groups received different tapes. Speed, agility, ferocity. They weren't all academics. They were trying to create something practical. The tracks to inhibit were destroyed in the process, lost to scar tissue. They augmented stress reactions, tightened reflex arcs."

"Wait a minute," Caro said, her own fork falling with a clatter. "Are you saying they _cut into your brain?"_

"Yes."

There was complete and utter silence, and it was uncomfortable.

"My brother saved me," River said with a smile. "He came for me. He didn't give up hope or think I was lost. He came for me and saved me."

Mattie blinked and looked down at his plate, almost ashamed. Vera was looking at her with something like pity. "Oh River... Of course not. He's family."

River shook her head and chewed on a morsel of food almost delicately. It let her think of a good way to tell them the worst part of it all. "My parents approved of the transfer. They thought the Academy was the best place for me. I was to learn to be a proper daughter or move in the proper circles to elevate the family name. I couldn't do what they wished of me. So I was given away because they could only keep one child as their own."

Vera brought a hand to her mouth. "No... No, they couldn't..."

River shrugged and began to doggedly cut her food into small pieces. "Nobody knows that I know about it. But he thinks loudly, and he never realized all that I could do."

Jayne thought of the dead Reavers at Mr. Universe's moon. He didn't doubt River at all. She was fairly easy to underestimate, which is why she would have been the perfect assassin. River had grace and speed and ability. He took in the easy fall of her hair to her shoulders and the graceful curve of her neck. She was too pretty to be a fighter, too lithe and slim. A body's thoughts would turn in a different direction than killing if he looked on her. Which was probably also the point of using her. Jayne was only starting to realize just how dangerous she could have been if the Academy had their way and kept her.

"Well, we ain't them," he said abruptly. Mattie, Caro and Vera all nodded, but Jayne wasn't paying attention to them. "We ain't gonna turn you over to get yer brain cut up."

River smiled at him, her brilliant and beautiful smile. "I know. I am glad."

The rest of dinner passed in silence.

***

Gabriel had made the financial department dance to his tune, of course. But his INR didn't rise nearly fast enough for his liking. Two days of sitting around in the hospital waiting for labs to be therapeutic wasn't his idea of a good time. Simon had tried to explain how coumadin worked and why it took three days to see the full effect, but Gabriel had tuned it out after a while. He didn't want to know how it worked or why he had to be on it or why he needed to have higher levels of it in his blood. Gabriel wanted to be home, wanted to sleep in his own bed and eat better food than the slop he was given.

He wanted to make sure that Regan wasn't falling apart without him, since it had been impressed upon him how fragile she could be when not cared for properly. Theirs was an efficient partnership, each one playing the proper role. Regan didn't often slip, but the few times she had it had been a spectacular mess. It wasn't the sort of thing that could be left to servants for long, and Gabriel was starting to feel as though something could be very wrong with her. Regan had seemed distant in her last communication, as though something was preying on her mind. That was never a good sign. It would be a matter of time before she would begin speaking in tongues or couplets, and it was something had to be hidden. If anyone knew what she could do, Regan wouldn't be safe.

As soon as he was cleared to go home, he would take his son and future daughter-in-law and their ragtag friends with him.

_They will keep you safe..._ he thought, looking over at his son's empty bed. It was yet another round of physical therapy, and Kaylee had gone with him.

Something was happening, and he knew it wouldn't be to his liking either. He had always been very good at knowing when to dive in to a business deal and when to let go. He had let go of his practice and had turned to the family business without any fuss when it was asked of him. He had known his proper place and had done his duty without question.

But there was something wrong with the system, something Gabriel could _feel_ but couldn't see. He was caught up in it somehow, he knew that much. Those ragtag friends knew their way around things and could keep him safe if he made it worth their while. He knew that kind of game. He had played it often enough.

Soon he would be safely home, and the vague tremors of fear could die down.

***

"The ghosts seep out at night," River said softly. She stood in the hallway outside of Jayne's old room. Vera had told him to use his old room, which hadn't been touched in sixteen years. She had told River to use Christina's, which hadn't been touched in nearly eighteen years.

"Just go to sleep, Crazy. There's been more'n enough of that all day."

"They seep out at night and run along the kitchen floor. Ghosts and memories refuse to die and they embed themselves into the walls. I feel them, Jayne. The secrets call to me." River hugged herself tightly, hoping she could ward off the growing chill.

Jayne got up from where he was sitting on the bed and moved to stand in his doorway. "Just shut your mouth and pretend it's not happening, _dong ma?_ Nobody needs to hear any of this right now."

"She's waiting in the girl's room. She sits in the chair and combs her hair while she dreams of the boy that took her away." River cocked her head to the side, eyes large and luminous. "Jayne, her essence lies there, still. Eva is there, too."

"Stop it!" Jayne hissed, glaring at her. "She's dead and gone!"

"He wants to stop it," River murmured. "But it cannot be stopped. Her memory remains, sharp and edged like blades. He wants to make that hurt go away, but it lies beneath the skin and festers in his heart." Her voice was soft, and Jayne could barely hear her.

"Shut up and go to bed. Ain't no _gorram_ ghosts here."

"He can't let go." River turned from him slightly, hair obscuring her eyes. "That would make it mean nothing, as though she never existed."

"Shut up."

River looked at him now, eyes wide but focused directly on him. "You cannot let it loose. If you do, it is as if she never lived." River stepped closer, just inches away from him. Jayne could smell the soap she had used earlier, could almost hear her heart beating in her chest. "You cannot stop hurting, because you do not allow yourself release. If there is no pain, there is no life. You may wish yourself numb, but even this stone has heart. Others believe that he has nothing, that he is uncaring and selfish. But he has learned to be so because his friend had hurt him deeply, because he lost someone precious he had sworn to protect. He is not stone, I see this now. He is still flesh and bone, still heart and mind and soul. I did not understand before, I could not see. But she smiles at me, Jayne. She still loves so much."

"I..." Jayne couldn't breathe, couldn't speak. For a moment he considered actually telling her about Christina, sharing little stories about his sister. She obviously knew all about her. But Christina was his shield and his penance, and he couldn't share that burden.

"She lives here," River whispered, placing her right hand over his heart. "She will always live here, Jayne. As long as she is not forgotten, she will always have life."

"You need to go to bed," Jayne said, voice raw. He should push her away. He should slap her. He should do something other than just stand there trying to keep from shaking.

"Whatever the universe has in mind for you, you have to be quiet enough inside to see the path. It is difficult, but it is true. She lived here for a time to teach you. There is a lesson in all things, Jayne, if only you try to see it."

Jayne couldn't breathe. It _felt_ true, but her words were sharp as any blade digging down between his ribs.

River leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Wăn ān, Jayne. May the demons escape the dreaming."

With that, Jayne watched her enter his sister's former bedroom and close the door.

Good god, he needed to get out of here.

***

Lahey slid over a plasfilm sheet with a list of firefly-class ships. "Most of these don't have any shipboard manifests, let alone updated ones. I cross-referenced them to every database I have access to, but this is all I could come up with."

The silent man seemed to regard Lahey for a moment as his compatriot took up the plasfilm in one blue-gloved hand. "Very well."

The other man already turned and moved toward the door. "It is a start."

"That it is." Both men left the office, and Lahey swallowed nervously. He felt as though somehow Death had just passed him over. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. It hadn't been an experience he would like to repeat ever again, but at least he lived through it.

Lahey had the feeling that many others didn't have that same good fortune.

***

Jayne couldn't sleep. That _feng le_ girl had no right to go poking about in his head, seeing whatever in _gorram_ hell she wanted to see. Christina was sacred; Jayne didn't even allow her into his waking thoughts. He was always lying or killing or whoring, and his sister didn't belong with any of that.

After a while, Jayne left his room and went down the stairs. If he couldn't sleep, there had to be something somewhere that would help. When he had been a small child, his father used to make hot milk toddies with brandy in it. Those always did the trick. He didn't make an exceptional effort to be quiet, but was surprised to see a light on downstairs. Was the girl having trouble sleeping as well?

It was Mattie, sitting in front of the living room fireplace. He was drinking, and it looked like whiskey. "Since when did you drink?"

"I was thirteen and it was Pa's wake."

Jayne flinched and sat down heavily across from Mattie. "Got any for me?"

Mattie shrugged, then pssed the glass over. "Have some of this."

Jayne took a sip and looked at his brother with respect. "Good stuff."

"Of course."

Jayne passed back the glass, remembering when they used to share lemonade as children. Mattie hadn't sounded so harsh then. "What happened to us?"

"What are you talking 'bout?" Mattie asked warily, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Us. The whole family. It's too empty and quiet 'round here."

Mattie snorted. "You left. What does it matter now?" He drained his glass in one gulp.

"You don't know what happened then," Jayne growled at his brother.

"Maybe not. But you never explained anything to anybody. You never gave a reason." Mattie poured himself another fingerul of whiskey, not spilling a drop. "You weren't here. That's all that matters. You never cared enough to stay."

Jayne stood up, jaw tight. "You got it ass backward, Mattie. I left _'cause_ I cared. I done something stupid, and I didn't want to drag nobody with me. So I left. I sent letters when I could, whatever money I had. I know it ain't the same, but it was the best I could do."

Mattie drank quietly for a moment. "Caro's a wonderful girl, better'n I deserve, really."

"I didn't know, Mattie, I swear. I didn't mean nothin' by it..."

"I know that now."

Jayne settled back into the chair at Mattie's quiet statement. "And?"

"I can't leave Caro. I won't. She's the one, Jayne. She's my other half."

Mattie had always been proper and moral, had always spoken more like his teachers than his parents. _I'm goin' somewhere,_ he always used to say. _I'm gonna be somebody._

"That's good for you, then," Jayne said softly. "It makes you somebody."

Mattie looked at Jayne sharply, searching his brother's face. After a moment, he relaxed and held out the glass. "I know. I'm damn lucky to have found her."

Jayne swirled the whiskey in the glass. "So now what do we do?"

"Ma won't let it sit, you know that."

"Yeah." Jayne took a drink, then looked at the amber liquid. "I want to do right by her."

"What did you do?"

Jayne sighed. He didn't even try to pretend that he didn't understand Mattie's meaning or that he hadn't done anything dishonorable. "Tried to sell 'er back to the _hun dans_ that cut up her brainpan." He didn't look over as he heard Mattie's hiss of anger. "I didn't know then. I don't think I even really know now. She don't say much about it."

"You even ask her?"

Jayne looked at his brother in disbelief. "Hell no."

"Why not?"

He looked away, almost guilty. His time alone with her over the past week had taught him quite a bit about her without his having to ask. None of it made him feel good, and he had the feeling that there was so much more that happened. "I don't think I wanna know, to be honest." He shrugged and then finished the glass. "They don't fight fair."

"No, I don't suppose they would."

Mattie got up and put the bottle away. He looked at Jayne. "Ma wanted to put together a big ol' party to welcome you home. A big family reunion thing."

Jayne looked at his brother all bleary-eyed. "I hate those."

"I know. She'll do it anyway."

"Yeah. She always does." Jayne leaned back in the chair and shook his head. "She'll want me to make nice with Jonas Hunter."

"You were friends with Jared once."

"Jared is a _hun dan_ that don't keep promises," Jayne thundered. Mattie didn't even flinch at his tone. "Didn't," Jayne amended.

"He was like another brother," Mattie murmured. He looked at Jayne questioningly. "What happened sixteen years ago?"

Jayne shook his head. "Don't matter none anymore. Everybody's dead now."

"But whatever happened with Christina…"

"Don't matter either," Jayne said sharply, slicing across Mattie's statement. That part felt familiar, like when Mattie was trying to sneak extra sweets before dinner or was hiding Christina's precious doll. "It's all over now."

But River said memories kept her alive. Christina was dead, and it was all Jayne's fault. The pain and disappointment of it would keep her memory alive.

"Jonas Hunter's the _hun dan,_ trash talking every Cobb he finds. Elric was nearly going to hit him the other day."

Jayne grinned. "How is Elric?"

Mattie snickered. "Same as always."

"He don't ever write."

"Don't know how."

Jayne scratched his head. "I thought he did." Mattie shook his head. "But he could ask Alice or Wayne to write for him, couldn't he?"

_"Elric Cobb,_ ask for help?" Mattie snorted, shaking his head. "Now I _know_ you've been away for too long."

Jayne chuckled. "How're the other cousins? What happened?"

"Hm… Alice married Barry Tyler over in Canyon Crossing. Three babies now. Wayne married Cherry Alexander..."

_"Cherry?_ Damn, I never saw that one coming."

"Nobody did. But then one day they up and married. Took the whole damn town by surprise, let me tell you." Mattie grinned at Jayne after a moment, then leaned over to whisper conspiratorially. "Eight months later they had a baby girl."

"Whoa... _eight_ months?"

"That's why they got married." Mattie chuckled. "It's worked out, though. Eliza's five now, and they also have two year old Jennifer."

Jayne chuckled. "Hard to see Wayne all up and married."

"Just 'cause you haven't, don't mean the rest of us don't want to." Jayne made a noncommittal noise and nodded. "Cherry's turned into a great mom. Oh, and Terri Carpenter and George Cobb got together."

"No... _George?_ Ain't he sly?"

"Goes both ways, he says. But when it didn't work out in Voltaire, he came back. Must've been six years ago. He an' Terri started hooking up two years ago. Don't plan on getting married, but they seem happy enough. Jeremy's still sly, and his boyfriend Drew is nice. I'm sure you'll meet them at Ma's shindig."

"Do I gotta be nice?" Jayne whined.

Matt laughed. "Yes. Ma will have your hide if you're not. It's going to be the biggest thing she's thrown in ages. It'll rival my wedding day, she says. You know Ma, any excuse for a party. All the branches of the family are going to be invited to see you and River. The other cousins are all doing well. All the Taylors and Keylines and such."

Jayne was quiet. "Everybody but me."

"Hey... You're still alive. That's not bad."

"Still don't amount to much. Just like everybody said."

With that, Jayne got up and went back upstairs to bed.

***  
***


	14. Redemption

Inara found her way to St. Lucy's without much trouble. The clerks at the visitor's information desk were very helpful, and hoped that her brother would feel better after he was checked out of the hospital. The lie was an easy one to tell, since Inara had brotherly feelings toward Simon. She sincerely hoped that he was all right.

Inara didn't think of the last time she had been on Ariel. That had been one of those necessary physical exams that were conducted yearly to confirm that Companions were still healthy. She had bumped into Satella Caffre. The woman had been insufferable when Inara had first left the Training House and began taking on clients. Last year had been no different. "Oh, if it isn't little Inara Serra," Satella had said in her thick accent. Her ancestors had been Slavic on the Earth That Was, and they had passed on their heritage every generation since. Satella was tall and blonde, with chiseled features and cold blue eyes. She was striking, but tended to collect a clientele that was somewhat less than savory.

"Hello, Satella," Inara had said, inclining her head. She had returned her attention to the magazine she had been pretending to read. She had been worried about the Serenity crew, actually. Crime in the Core didn't go unpunished.

"I don't think I've seen you since the Moneta party a few years back," Satella said, her voice a steady purr. "You do remember it, don't you?"

Inara managed not to flinch. "Of course. Most of the members of that party were blacklisted afterward, if I recall."

Satella laughed, a silvery trill that grated along Inara's spine. "Not that it really matters. Those are the ones willing to pay three times as much for a Companion."

Inara had looked up sharply. "You aren't supposed to take those on as clients, Satella."

"You always were a little mouse." Satella grinned, exposing her teeth. They flashed in the light and almost seemed sharp. "You never liked risk." Her lip curled up on one side in distaste. "I don't know what they were thinking, hiring you on as their Hostess. You couldn't handle that crowd. I don't think you can now."

"I choose my own clients," Inara had replied primly. She put aside the magazine and nodded firmly at Satella. "Excuse me."

She had made as hasty a retreat as politeness would allow. Inara had never liked Satella, the arch tone of her voice or the way she skated too close the edge with her clients. There were rumors back at the Training House that she took on masochistic clients because she was sadistic in nature and liked bloodplay. It was anyone's guess if the rumor was true, but Inara could believe it. A Companion was to provide grace, comfort and peace in any way needed by the client, whether it was spiritual or sexual. If a client needed a little pain, a Companion could provide that as well. Most Companions were averse to such things, but there were a few that reveled in the darker sides of emotional need.

That party had been a debacle. They hadn't wanted a hostess, they had wanted a Mistress. Inara hadn't known what to do in such an instance, and had been shocked at the array of implements she had been expected to wield.

Inara shook off the memory. She wasn't here for that now. Simon was ill and in the hospital, and it was very likely he would be in emotional pain as well. Mal had made it seem as though Simon's case was dire, and that Inara should stay away for a protracted period of time. His tone was light, but his eyes were squinted a bit too tight for comfort. He was worried about something, and it wasn't Simon. Simon was in good hands.

It had to be River. She could take his cue and not mention her, but Inara had a feeling of unease settle into her stomach. They were in the Core and there was something wrong with River, and no one could answer the inevitable questions she would have.

_Let her be safe,_ Inara prayed silently. _She's been through so much already..._

Inara had a feeling that River's trials were far from over.

***

_Why do we do the things we do? Because I love you, he always says. But he doesn't, not like that, not like he thinks he does._

His hands reached out, through the darkness, shining with a slick coating of something dark. Her vision seemed to be in shades of gray.

_What a good child you are, he likes to say. You always do as you're told._

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

_I told you. When you enter into the dance of life, you're not in the center, the edge, nothing. You are the dance, and you move and dance and that's just the way it is. There is no beginning, there is no ending. There is nothing to catch, nothing to kill. I told you._

He had struck her then. He always did.

"Mistress?"

Regan looked up abruptly from the book she hadn't been reading. "Yes?" _Not another call from Father, please,_ she thought frantically.

The servant bowed slightly. "I have received word from Mr. Tam. He will be returning home by private shuttle tomorrow."

"Thank you."

The servant left the room, but Regan was already startled out of her odd little reverie. The whispers were at the back of her head again, and Gabriel would continue the tonic regimen once he knew of it. Intuition be damned, he didn't want her to be a social embarrassment. It was bad enough someone had already had to die for her foolishness.

He had been beautiful in mind and spirit as well as body. If he had lived, he would have been a much better husband. He would have understood the gift that still threatened to overtake her mind. Her aunt had gone hopelessly insane, and had committed suicide rather than be sent away to a quiet institution. Regan knew there was a great-grandfather on Gabriel's family tree that had been able to predict the Osiris stock market, and had quadrupled the family business within a single year. Gabriel never liked to admit the supernatural may exist.

Regan let the book fall from her hands and hit the floor. Oh God, Gabriel was coming home. If he didn't like what he saw...

No, he never saw anything worthwhile. She had to get a grip. Father merely set her on edge. He didn't call if he didn't have to, if something wasn't about to happen. He liked boasting without words, and he liked knowing he had the upper hand.

_Mother, how could you not know?_

It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now. Her baby girl wasn't her child any longer, wasn't hers to look after. Regan could close her eyes and feel her daughter's presence, but it had all been on borrowed time. She should never have let herself love again. She had been a fool.

Her heart beat in her throat, and her vision seemed to narrow. No, not now, not here. It had been coming on for days, but Regan had been pushing it back. _They thought Anne was the one, but it hadn't been. It had been me. They tortured her, they killed her. And all along, it had been me that they wanted to take._

Bless her, Anne had never hated her sister for what had happened. It hadn't been Regan's fault, after all. Regan still felt it keenly, still ached for redemption, for forgiveness for her inaction. If she had done something, if she had been disobedient...

_They would have hunted you, as they do now to River..._

Regan flinched, and her concentration wavered for a moment. It was enough. The floodgates burst open, and she fell to the floor, writhing.

All true magic is merely smoke and mirrors, illusion and shadow. You can speak in tongues or run it backward, but it is always the same. There were things beneath the dirt. Creeping things, crawling things, digging things, decaying things. Deep within the dirt lay the dead, sleeping for all of eternity. The darkness had come over the life, the darkness had closed their eyes forever. The air trapped within the dirt smelled of death and decay, rot and slime. There was the smell of blood, rotting and old. It blanketed everything with its rank touch.

There was a strange man in a tuxedo and white kid gloves standing at a door. He was over six feet tall, and looked as though he had once held power and eminence, but then had chosen to follow a different path. His hair was wild and white, springing up and out of his head. He carried a large black Bible in one hand, and looked at her with large hollow spaces for eyes. They seemed to glitter like stars, deeply set into a stark black face. He opened the door with his free hand, revealing a dark space within the frame. There was no building behind it, just a door. The darkness seemed to shimmer as his empty eye sockets had. He bowed and gestured for her to enter the door. "Listen to the truth in the stones," he murmured.

After a moment's hesitation, Regan stepped off of the path and entered the door.

"You walk between worlds. I have a story to tell you, Mistress."

Yes. That was the way of it. That's the way it had begun the last time, too. It had ended there, and Regan had always thought that it would be a vision of her death.

But the body on the slab was not her own, but Gabriel's.

Regan's heart caught in her mouth, and she couldn't breathe. He had been good to her, in his own fashion, as much as he had been able. There was a gaping hole in his chest where his heart had been, and it seemed as if he had been blasted upon at close range. She found herself reaching out to touch his face to bid him goodbye.

_I thought I heard something,_ Gabriel said, his head turning. He was in an unfamiliar living room, surrounded by people Regan didn't know. There was Simon, Kaylee and their friends near him, looking out of the window. There was a tall man with a goatee and dark hair and blue eyes. His hand rested on the gun strapped to his waist, and he looked to the girl seated on the couch with anxiety.

River.

Her hair was shorter, shoulder length and wavy. She was dressed in a bright pink shirt and dark denim pants tucked into large combat boots. Her hands were fisted in her lap.

River...

Gabriel was standing, moving to the window. _Did you hear something?_

"Don't," Regan whispered. River looked at her, eyes wide and soft as she mouthed the word along with Regan. _Mother, there you are,_ her eyes seemed to say.

Gabriel was backing away from the window. _Run! Run, run, just get away, they're coming. Get her out of here, get them all out!_

Regan wanted to reach out and hold him. The lost nobility of his youth had returned in force, his new heart ticking steadily. "Oh Gabriel..."

The window shattered and Gabriel spun around, eyes wide with shock. River was being yanked away by the tall brooding man, and the other Serenity crew members were running for the back door. They were swift on their feet, even Simon.

River reached backward for her father. _Please, wait, I have to say goodbye..._

Gabriel locked eyes with his daughter, then began to fall. He seemed to crumple down in on himself, folding in and around the chest wound that wouldn't stop bleeding.

_Go,_ Gabriel moaned. _Run..._

"After all this time, it takes removing his heart for him to show it."

Regan pulled her hand away from Gabriel's face and looked at the tall black man. "Why do you show me this? Why now?"

"You ask for redemption. You ask for atonement."

Regan nodded. "It was my fault they took Anne."

"It was not. But you cannot rest until your soul is clean. Now is your chance. You know how the dance will end should he fall."

Gabriel falls. Down comes the empire, forward goes the faceless enemies with shotguns. Around the house, storming, firing, shouting. Down in a hail of bullets and flames, lives lost because she would not take action.

"Father will know if I meddle."

"You ask for redemption, not for protection."

Regan winced at the blunt tone. "I... I don't know if I can."

"And that is why you failed."

She flinched and backed away. "What shall I do?"

"You must decide. You have time yet, and you will be able to weight the decision fully."

Regan closed her eyes. The voices in her mind were screaming, telling her to leave, to protect herself. Other voices screamed, telling her that she had to do the right thing. After all, she had only one husband, only one son, only one daughter.

"Only one life."

"Yes," the regal man agreed. "And it is yours to live."

"I cannot..."

"So live."

Regan's eyes snapped open. It had been only a second in real time, but it had felt like an eternity.

After all this time, could she turn away from her set path? Could she really have a choice? Could she really make up for her mistakes?

Regan had a choice to make.

***

"There are the noises in her mind, nothing left but screams in silence," River said softly. She was sitting crosslegged on Christina's old bed. It had been strange when Vera had let her stay in this particular bedroom, but Vera had insisted. Everything had been left the way it had been when Christina had left the house. Even her old porcelain doll, her treasured possession, had been left behind on the bed. Clothes still lay in the dresser and hung up neatly in the closet. Accessories and shoes were stowed away in their appropriate cubbies, and there was a low bookshelf with tattered novels and discarded library books. Christina had been a fan of poetry and mystery novels, and had once trained to play the piano.

River was cradling Eva in her lap, combing the doll's hair with even strokes. Eva had seen a lot in this little room, silent witness to Christina's tears and laughter and sighs. The memories echoed within the doll.

"She was fun."

River looked up, eyes wide and startled at the abrupt statement. "Jayne?"

He shrugged. "Tina. She was fun, always the little tagalong. Not much of a girly girl if she didn't want to be. She was always with us climbing trees."

Eva hadn't seen that. "She was a good girl."

"Mattie wasn't around then," Jayne said slowly, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly. He didn't know what possessed him to talk about Christina. Maybe it was seeing her curled around that _gorram_ doll and combing its hair the same reverent way Christina used to. Maybe it was seeing her in one of Christina's old shirts and hair ties. Vera had been pleased when River could wear Christina's old clothes. Caro was wider in the hips than Christina had been, and hadn't wanted to go through the belongings of a dead girl anyway. River hadn't seemed to mind, saying that the memories were full of love.

"How old were you?" River asked, cocking her head to the side. "You're eldest, but what was the difference between the two of you?"

"It was me first. Then there was Charlie, about a year an' a half after me. Then there was Christina after that, almost four years after me." Jayne looked away from River's steady gaze, out toward the window. "She could keep up."

"She was determined."

"She... She was _my mei mei._ S'why I never made fun of yer brother for caring for ya like he does. It's what brothers do."

River nodded, even though she knew Jayne wasn't looking at her. He could see her perfectly well in his peripheral vision.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"Because I can see her," River said simply. "Would you like to?"

Jayne's eyes snapped to hers. "What?"

"Would you like to see her as I do? I see her all around me in this room. Just as I see Charlie in the hallway or Will in the bathroom or the twins on the stairs or Mattie in the den."

Jayne winced. "You see 'em all, huh?"

"They have grown comfortable with me. We are used to each other now. They realize I'm not here to make them go away."

"I... I don't know. How could this work?"

River gently placed Eva on the other side of the bed and went to Jayne's side. She slipped her hand into his. Jayne looked at her uneasily, not sure of what he should do in response. "Every soul imparts a memory. It teaches lessons. Here are the lessons she left behind."

And then suddenly Jayne could see her, a nearly transparent ghost moving around the room on the tips of her toes. She had wanted to be a dancer when she was twelve, and had stopped climbing trees with Jayne and Charlie so she wouldn't break another leg. She whipped her hair behind her and tried to do a pirouette. She had fallen, and sighed. "Piano for me," she said with a shrug. Then she raced toward the door as fast as she could, sliding right through River and Jayne.

Jayne staggered backward into the hall, eyes wide. "Oh. Oh."

River watched him, eyes large and lustrous. They almost seemed to shimmer like stars in a midnight sky. She reached out for him, the tips of her fingers glowing.

And then Jayne blinked, and River was merely standing in the doorway, head cocked to the side as though she was listening to something. "Did you see her?" she asked, voice warbling. "Did you hear her?"

Jayne could only nod, then after a moment, he straightened and cleared his throat. "How could you do that? How could you make me _see?"_

"For a moment, we were linked," River said softly. "Everything in phase, the same wavelength. I could always pick out the essence of memory in objects and thoughts. It was just a matter of moving to your frequency."

His hands were shaking, and they wouldn't stop. "I have to go now."

"For you, it is not permanent," River said softly.

_Oh God,_ Jayne thought in horror. _She sees this_ all the time.

"I don't know how to deal with this."

"You don't have to," River said simply. "It's my place to, and I'm learning to deal with it more appropriately than I have been. I am stronger now. I can do this."

_"How?"_

"If I don't, I go insane. And very likely, I will die afterward. If not by my own hand, then by someone else's."

"Why are you so calm about it?"

"I am working for survival. Sometimes I try and play at being a real girl, a normal girl. But you see me as I am, broken and scattered. You understand what I am not, and you understand what I am." River's voice was simple, unapologetic. "They don't comprehend."

Jayne could feel a shiver work its way into his spine and suppressed it. "Just stop it. Don't let on to them."

"It would be fooling them. It would be a lie."

"It would be protecting them."

River shook her head. "Learn from your mistake. Silence is not protection."

He thrust his jaw out stubbornly at her. "Sure it is. You should learn from _me._ This is my home, _gorram_ it. I know how it works."

River watched him stomp off down the stairs. With a shrug, she calmly returned to the room to brush Eva's hair.

***

Inara walked into the room indicated by the Information Desk in the lobby. Her dress and shawl swirled around her, and then she stopped short.

"Inara?" Gabriel asked, amazed. He sat up abruptly, and the conversation by the next bed died.

Inara swept her gaze over to Gabriel. She couldn't place him right away. "I'm sorry, I don't recall who you are," she said after a moment.

"Inara?" Kaylee's voice chimed in. She pulled back the curtain a little farther, and Inara could see the rest of the Serenity crew on Ariel huddled around Simon. "Aw, that's nice of you. You've come to visit!"

"You know my father?" Simon asked, face crinkled up in thought. He didn't seem to like the implication of that statement.

"It was at a party. You were hostess," Gabriel said at the same time. "Henry Moneta had hired you and some other girl."

It clicked suddenly, and Inara nearly swore with her bad luck. What was it about this planet? "Oh. I remember now."

"I'm glad you got away all right," Gabriel murmured. He looked over at the rest of the occupants in the room. "I suppose I should let you all visit in private."

"I dunno," Mal drawled, leaning back in his chair. "It sounds like a story coming on." Zoe shot him a rough look, and he doggedly ignored it. "Why not pull up a chair and tell it?"

"Not much to tell," Inara said primly, taking one of the free chairs in the room. She sat between the two beds, back against the wall near the door. She could see both Tams quite clearly; it wasn't lost on anyone in the room that it was a strategic placement. "I was hostess, and was there to make sure everyone was entertained, that the music was acceptable and the conversation remained lively."

"Huh. Didn't know Companions could be hostesses," Mal murmured.

"You never asked," Inara replied, voice edged. She noticed the heel of Zoe's boot digging into the toes of Mal's and looked away.

"You're looking well, Inara," Gabriel murmured in the awkward silence. "I had wondered after that party."

She inclined her head gracefully and offered him a small curve of a smile. "It was a lesson."

"I don't understand," Simon said, shaking his head. The move was erratic, but smoother than it had been even hours before. "What happened at that party?"

"It isn't important," Inara said with a dismissive wave of her hand. _Go,_ Gabriel had shouted, pushing her out of the back door. _If they find you..._

Gabriel snorted. "They would've eaten you alive if I hadn't gotten you out of there. That bunch is too rough for a refined Companion to deal with."

Kaylee's eyes were round as saucers. "What happened, 'Nara? Were you hurt?"

"No, of course not," Inara said, laughing it off. She didn't look at Gabriel.

"They've been known to do that, though. And after a while, it gets so you know how a man will behave," Gabriel offered in the awkward silence.

Simon seemed to be digesting that bit of information, and Mal was simply staring at Inara.

"Well now, why don't you fill me in on everything I've missed?" Inara asked brightly. "I see that you're doing well, Simon. I thought you were ill with something life threatening."

"Oh! He was!" Kaylee cried, jumping in. She turned to Simon. "You can explain the medicalese details, honey."

Inara let Simon's cultured voice flow through her. Two sets of eyes assessed her now, and it was relatively easy to tune those out. She smiled at Simon and Kaylee's engagement announcement, and offered to help plan the wedding however she could. "Oh, I'm happy for the both of you. It's such wonderful news, Kaylee. We can go dress shopping tomorrow. I know where all the best dressmakers are..."

"We'll be heading back to Osiris soon," Simon added. "Father invited us all there to stay while I recuperate. You and Kaylee will have lots of opportunity to go shopping there, too. So don't feel as though you have to rush, okay?" He leaned against Kaylee. "I know there's all sorts of things you need to organize and plan. Your family will want to help out, too."

Kaylee grinned. "Oh sure. Their tomboy gettin' all frilled up and such." She giggled. "Papa's gonna bust a gut when he hears 'bout this."

Gabriel tried not to wince at her phrasing, but failed. It earned him a glare from Simon, which he had expected. He was startled to see Zoe's gaze fall over him as well. It was less judgmental, as though she understood how hard it could be to adapt. He was trying, God help him. He was skating close to the edge of death, and now he saw he couldn't afford to lose his only remaining child. Regan had been adamant that they didn't have a daughter any longer; Gabriel had always just assumed it was because of the fugitive status.

They would be heading to Osiris soon. His INR was almost therapeutic, and Simon's telemetry box had been discontinued the day before. They were no longer worried about "sludging" or his electrolytes, since everything had been in the normal range for two days in a row. Simon's doctors all felt he was ready for rehab, and were holding his discharge until Gabriel was ready. It could even be tomorrow, depending on how his morning lab results were.

Home. Gabriel was looking forward to it.

***  
***


	15. Getting Up To Speed

The Tam estate was massive from the outside. It jutted out of the ground and was surrounded by a state of the art phasic fence and camera system. Simon had never really thought about it much growing up; it had always been there, and it was for their security. It wasn't until he had left for MedAcad that he realized not everyone had such security around their homes. But when questioned, Gabriel had simply said that he was a powerful man of business, and anyone might break in looking for something to steal. Simon had never questioned it. Until River's letters home had become cryptic and strange, Simon had really never questioned anything. He never had a reason to.

Servants greeted Gabriel at the door, and then hurried to push Simon's wheelchair. He felt like snarling at them, saying that his future wife was plenty capable of doing the work. Since Kaylee was gawking at the casual finery and elegance of the foyer, it was probably best to simply let the nameless servant wheel Simon into the sitting room. Inara, Mal and Zoe followed silently. Inara was used to such things, and Mal and Zoe merely observed everything quietly.

Simon was placed in front of the fireplace near the couch, and he looked at Kaylee's awe. It felt strange being there again. It wasn't his home anymore, he realized that now. He considered Serenity his home, and he were merely visiting.

"Nice digs," Mal commented, looking around the sitting room. The couches were fairly plush and understated, with wood framing and high polish. The floors were marble tile and Oriental throw rugs. The walls were paneled in dark cherry wood, and heavy mirrors with gilt frames flanked the impressive marble fireplace.

Simon shrugged awkwardly, though the motion held a little more fluidity in it. "All the best that Tam money could buy." He looked around the room, taking in its opulence and quiet splendor. "I never thought about it much growing up. I never had to."

Mal picked up a porcelain ballerina figurine perched on the mantelpiece. "It don't look too kid friendly in here."

"This wasn't a playroom."

Kaylee sat on the couch next to Simon and took his hand in hers. "It was so pretty just coming in... You got a huge backyard, Simon, with lots of trees. And a pool! And that house thingie in the back. You must've played in there."

"Sure," he replied, not having the heart to tell her that he had been forbidden to play in the backyard. There were too many classes and events and formal parties to go to; every time he and River had snuck out to climb trees they had been lectured for hours afterward. He didn't even want to think about the time he and River had been chasing each other in the backyard and fallen into the pool.

"Seems right nice of your father to let us all stay and visit with you," Zoe murmured. "We should do right by the offer and make sure you get your exercises done properly."

Simon grimaced. "It seems like that's all I do now. Just lie back and exercise all day."

"Well, if that's what you need to get better, why not?" Inara asked brightly. She gracefully descended onto one of the couches. "Think of it as a vacation."

"I don't think I've ever taken one, to be honest. Any time off from MedAcad, and I was working at a clinic to get more experience. Even before that, I was doing something every summer. I can't remember a time when I wasn't occupied." Simon laughed suddenly. "It's just as well, since I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I'm not busy."

Kaylee socked him in the shoulder playfully. "Well, we just have to see what there is to do around here. And there's always trips into the city." She clapped her hands happily at the thought of doing some sightseeing in the Core. "Oh! That'll be great! We'll go all around! You get to show me your schools and where you went to when you was little..."

"In that case, I hope you like plays and the opera," Simon replied. The bored tone of voice he used indicated just how much he had liked going to the events as a child. "We went to those a lot when I was younger. And society parties, endless rounds of society parties to introduce us to proper friends."

"Ooh. I never been. That would be fun, won't it? We can get all gussied up and see a fancy opera and be all cultured." Kaylee kissed Simon on the cheek.

Mal and Zoe exchanged a wary look, but didn't comment on that.

A different nameless servant entered the sitting room. "We will be directing all of you to your guest quarters now. Dinner is served at six thirty promptly in the main dining room. Appropriate dress is required," the servant added, looking over Mal, Zoe and Kaylee.

Mal crossed his arms over his chest. "Is it now? That means what? My gun belt stays behind? I don't think so."

The servant blanched slightly, but stood firm. "We have strict rules here, sir..."

"Ye-ah," Mal drawled. "Well now. Why not show us all where we're stayin' and we'll get it all straightened out some? Hm?" Mal said, smiling at the servant. It was a brittle smile, the one he often used when out on a job somewhere and it was about to go south. The servant remained pale, but indicated them to follow him out of the room.

They followed the servant out of the sitting room, Kaylee wheeling Simon along. Somehow, Zoe got the feeling that it would be a long stay.

***

The rain began earlier than expected, sometime in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Curled up in bed, Caro found herself waking up to the sound of a downpour around the house. The room was bathed in the half light of nightfall, and she turned to look at the man in bed beside her. Mattie's eyes were closed, and his mouth had fallen open in his sleep. An arm was flung over his forehead, and the other was almost reaching out to touch her. He was less guarded in sleep, less wary of what the world might do. He was simply a man dreaming, nothing more, nothing less. The important part was that he was _her_ man, and that he would stay that way. Caro had learned early on not to be overly greedy, since she hadn't grown up with too much extra. But what little she had was cherished, and Mattie was _hers._

She gently ran a fingertip down the bridge of his nose, then down to his open mouth. He had once told her that she shouldn't be kissing him early in the morning when he hadn't been able to brush his teeth yet. In reply, she had done much more than just kiss him after he first woke up.

He wanted to be proper. He wanted to speak more like those that lived closer to the Core, wanted to dress that way and live that way. Caro had laughed; growing up on Persephone had taught her plenty about the middle way and what the Core could be like. Being rich and prosperous carried its own problems, but it was something Mattie could never see. He was reaching for his ideal, and he wanted to be better than the Hunters. Old Man Hunter was nice enough, but he was old and senile and everyone knew what he said wasn't worth a damn anymore. The Hunter fortune and township belonged to Jonas Hunter, who had spent years putting down anyone even distantly related to the Cobb family or that lived down on this side of town. It was more sprawling farmland than businesses or township, and Jonas Hunter made sure everyone out there felt it. He liked being a big man, and liked pushing everyone else around. Caro had seen plenty of that type back on Persephone.

Mattie snuffled slightly in his sleep, and Caro grinned. She was such a sucker for him. He was tall and gorgeous, blue eyed and dark haired and with a gallant streak a mile wide. It hadn't been hard at all to fall for him, and every day she looked forward to tucking herself into bed with him at night. It was great that Vera hadn't minded, and had in fact told Caro to move in once the engagement was official. "No use in him visiting you over near the school and coming home late. This way, you both get a good home cooked meal after a tough day at the school."

Caro didn't remember much about her own mother, and liked to think that her mother would have been just like Vera. Her brother James had always said that Jessica Rafferty had been generous, and had been head of the local child care services.

Mattie grunted a bit in his sleep, and shifted a bit. Caro leaned into his embrace, and in his next shift he curled up around her. She sighed happily, and snuggled deeper into the circle of his arms. She could hear his heart beat steadily next to her ear, and it was perfect counterpoint to the rain outside. "Mmm..."

"Sleepy?" Mattie murmured, voice slurred with sleep. His arms tightened fractionally around her when she shook her head. "Can't sleep?"

Caro turned slightly, her hands moving down Mattie's body. "Nope. I can think of better things to do, though."

He laughed, then trailed his fingers down Caro's arm. "I can imagine."

Caro moved her hand over his cock in reply, stroking gently. His breath caught, and then he kissed her fiercely. One of his hands moved down to the junction of her thighs, and the hand around his cock tightened convulsively in response. She willed herself to relax, to keep up the slow rhythm of her motions. Mattie had only just woken up, and it wouldn't do to make things go on too fast. "You always said I had a good imagination," she murmured.

"Think ever'one else's asleep?" Mattie asked, his own voice slightly slurred with sleep.

"Oh yeah. It's just you and me," Caro crooned softly.

Mattie slid his hand beneath the waistband of her panties. "Mmm... good... I don' like sharin'."

"Me neither." Her lips were just against his skin, her breath a warm ghost caressing him. She shifted slightly against him, pulling slightly back so that there was space between them. The better for him to touch her, the better for her to reach him.

It was the light touches that always undid her. Light and gentle, caressing, drawing her in with its attention. Mattie's kisses always made her hot and wet with anticipation. He was a damn fine kisser, and his attention to detail was maddening. This morning was no exception. Caro bit back a groan as he slid a finger into her. She shuddered beneath him, gasping as waves of warmth flooded her. _Yes._

He drew soft, mewling cries out of her as his fingers moved around her clit in slow, deliberate circles. "Matt..." Caro moaned.

"Yeah, baby?" Mattie asked, voice rough with desire. He shifted in the bed so that he was rising over her, knees on either side of her writhing body. His fingers were still moving against her clit, still drawing her breath out of her body in heaving gasps. She whimpered his name again, her voice breaking. Mattie inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her rising arousal, feeling her grow increasingly slick against his fingers. "What do you need?"

"Need... you... now, oh now..."

He thrust two fingers deep inside of her and used his thumb to stroke her clit. He continued rubbing against her, his own breath short and frantic. "Come on, Caro... I got ya." She let out a sharp cry, almost like a strangled wail, her entire body shaking. She bit her lip to keep from waking the rest of the household, and she arched up off of the bed suddenly. He could feel her body tighten around his fingers, could hear her breath leave her all at once. He leaned down slightly so that his forehead rested against hers. "I got ya, Caro. I got ya."

She fell backward after a moment, panting. Her eyes were shut tight as she tried to catch her breath. "Oh. Wow."

"You always say that," Mattie murmured, his fingers still tracing her slick folds.

Caro opened her eyes. "Oh.... did I neglect you, honey?"

"Yes. Yes, you did," Mattie murmured in mock seriousness. "You have to make it up to me."

"But of course."

Caro grinned at him, then pushed him over so that he was on his back. She worked his boxers off of his hips, then bent her head down over his bare body. She kissed her way down his bare belly, dipping her tongue down into his belly button. She could name everything she was tasting in the original Latin, but it was easier for everyone else to understand if she used plain old English. She and Mattie sometimes traded esoteric terms, just to see who could outdo the other. They usually tied. Remembering this, Caro ran her tongue down the linea alba to where his cock proudly jutted out of a nest of curls. She licked her way along the length of his cock, tasting the precome. She ran her lips around the ridges beneath the edge of the head, then the slit at its very tip.

The storm outside rose in intensity, which was perfect. It covered up Mattie's cries, and Caro's squeal of shock when Mattie suddenly moved. His cock fell out of her mouth with a soft popping noise, and he abruptly pushed her down to her back. "I can't wait, Caro," he moaned, stretching out over her.

"Who said ya have to?" Caro teased, spreading her legs wide. She sighed when he sank down into her, and she began to move in time.

This was very definitely her most favorite way to wake up Sunday mornings.

***

River woke partway through the rainstorm. Christina had been telling her about how wonderful it was to dance out in the rain. "Mud makes a great cushion when you fall," she had reported cheerfully. River had laughed along with the girl's ghost, and had fallen asleep.

The rain fell along the roof and shut windowpanes. It was a staccato beat, almost like a tarantella, and River remembered Christina's comment.

The rain would be _wonderful_ for dancing in.

She got out of bed and changed clothes quickly. There had been careworn denim pants and loose T-shirts in one of Christina's drawers, and she pulled them on. There was no need for socks or shoes for dancing in mud, so she padded down the stairs in bare feet.

Jayne was awake, drinking in the kitchen. River glided past him and went through the back door, ignoring his startled "Where ya goin'?!"

River stood out in the open, a few feet from the edge of the covered porch. She held out her arms, feeling the rain fall against her bare skin and making the T-shirt stick to her like a second skin. She watched, fascinated, as the rain pooled inside her upturned palms. She could feel Jayne's presence behind her, the question burning at the forefront of his mind. "I haven't been in rain for years. I was curious if it was still how I remembered it." She smiled, half turning toward him. "It is, and that's a wonderful thing to know."

Jayne was still beneath the covered portion of the porch. "You should go back in and sleep."

"You weren't sleeping."

"I couldn't." He had been having nightmares about Christina; he had been more troubled by River's visions than he had cared to admit.

"It's easier to sleep here," River said quietly, snapping him out of his own thoughts. "You should be all right with your family."

"They don't know me so well," Jayne mumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"They should, but don't. You hide yourself too well." River turned around and took a playful step forward. "Why not dance with me? Rain is for dancing."

Jayne shook his head. "Look, Crazy, you gotta go to bed."

"Dance with me," River insisted. She held out her arms as if she was about to waltz. "I have not had a partner in many years."

Against his better judgment, Jayne stepped out from beneath the covered porch. He told himself that it didn't matter how dazzling River's smile could be. That didn't matter. There were cousins more suited to her than he was.

"I like it here," River murmured as Jayne stepped up and took her arms.

"Whatcha mean?"

"It's sometimes hard to know the differences between what one says, and thinks, and what one does. It's hard to sort out sometimes. Other people's thoughts aren't all the same. Sometimes they press against me, all cluttered and jumbled and noisy. You're simple, quiet."

Jayne wasn't sure whether that was a fancy way of saying he was dumb or if she was trying to give him a compliment in that moonbrained way she had of speaking. He searched her face, trying to see if her expression could give him a clue. She looked enchantingly serene, which didn't actually help him any. "Huh?"

"You do what you say, and you say what you think. You are easy for me to track. That is what is so grounding." River grinned up at him, the rain falling into her face. "Let us dance!"

Jayne swung her around to begin a waltz and notice the T-shirt's fabric clinging to her shoulders.  
He looked away abruptly.

"I like dancing. It's reflex and not thoughts. Thoughts can be so confusing."

Jayne took River through the steps of the dance. "It's easy for me to be around you now."

"Was it truly difficult before?"

"There was that cuttin' my chest thing," he reminded her.

River ducked her head guiltily. "I am truly sorry. My fear took over and got the best of me."

Jayne watched her curl her head up against his chest. He could feel every inch of her pressed up against him, and his breath caught. Oh, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all...

"Jayne, it's just a dance," River murmured against his chest. "It doesn't have to mean anything."

"It usually does," he replied, voice thick. _Tina said so,_ he thought numbly.

"I love dancing," River murmured. She pulled back and smiled at Jayne. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Tina used to love dancing, even if she weren't good at it," Jayne murmured. "But I guess you know all about her already."

River laughed. "She is a good girl." Her expression sobered as Jayne spun her out and collected her back into his arms. "It's all right to love, Jayne. Love can't be forced. It happens and you can't always explain why you love the person you do. You know its there."

"It's all I got left," Jayne murmured. "Ain't got nothing to remember her by. I just..."

"You don't need objects to love."

"I don't..." He didn't want to admit that he could barely remember what his sister looked like. He knew what she was supposed to look like, and in dreams he instantly recognized her. But if she had been alive at that moment, Jayne wouldn't have known how to recognize her. That fact left him feeling almost sick inside.

"She won't be angry with you if you are angry with her for dying."

"I don't know that I've even really said goodbye," Jayne said softly. "And you ain't supposed to hate the ones you love."

"Even if it's a quiet deep love, it is still love. And that's the most important thing."

"When did you get all wise 'bout love? You ain't never been in love before."

"I know what love is," River replied quietly. "I have not experienced a romance novel form of it, but I know what it is." She smiled at Jayne gently. "It's something even I had experienced once upon a time, before the Academy, before I was fractured. Love warms you and keeps you safe. You're comfortable, as though you are home. You could be anywhere, but with the one you love is your true home."

Jayne spun her out again rather than answer. He was feeling uncomfortable by the subject, to be honest. He never really talked or thought about love. It just _was,_ and he never really needed to contemplate it before.

River smiled at Jayne as she fell back into his arms. "Have you ever had romance novel love?"

"Huh? What's that?"

"The breathless highs and despairing lows with rapid swings of emotion."

"Nah. Ma always used ta say that I was waiting for somebody special."

"What do you think?"

"Nobody would want some old _hun dan_ like me. Just as well I ain't liked nobody yet. Me an' whores is good enough."

River shook her head. "It sounds lonely."

"Nah. It's good enough for anybody. I ain't never felt lonely." Jayne spun her around and then dipped her down low.

River laughed delightedly. "You can't dance like this alone."

Jayne raised her back up, making sure not to look beneath her chin as he did so. "True."

"Thank you for a wonderful dance, Jayne. Tina was right. Rain is wonderful for dancing."

With that, River ran back inside the house, leaving a speechless Jayne behind.

***

Regan dreamed of blood spilling out from a field of blue. She shivered as she woke, and thought she could feel rain along her skin. That was silly, and would likely earn her a strange look from Gabriel, had he noticed her shivering. But he was still asleep, and Regan turned away from him. It was still dark outside, and would be for some time.

She could lie to herself and say that she didn't know why she was dreaming of dark things, but she knew perfectly well why. Dark Shepherds, dark intentions and dark minions only meant ominous things in her dreams.

They were coming. They had no answers, only questions. It was really only a matter of time before they arrived.

She hoped she would be enough to save her children.

***  
***


	16. Revelations

_Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come to you and eat with you, and you with me._

River's eyes snapped open. "Revelations 3:20."

She sat bolt upright in bed, disoriented. Everything slowly came back to her, and she shivered. It was still cold after the rainfall; sunrise would burn away the rest of the chill.

For now, it was time to wake up.

***

Vera smiled at everyone over breakfast. "Nothing like a good rainstorm at night. Waters the fields, and everything smells fresh in the mornin'." Caro and Mattie grinned at each other over their coffee cups and agreed.

"I haven't seen rain in years," River said, voice quiet. She spooned scrambled eggs onto her plate and reached for the bacon plate. "It's like I remember. That's good to know. Sometimes I forget what's real and what isn't, or what hasn't happened yet."

"You'll get yer medcine after breakfast," Jayne said helpfully. "That'll help." River nodded.

"Medicine? What medicine?" Caro asked, a piece of bacon in hand. It hovered somewhere on the way to her mouth before Mattie snatched it from her. "Hey! I was gonna eat that."

"Too slow," he said, grinning at her. Then he ate it.

"Somethin' her brother gave me. Got a month's worth of it an' needles."

Caro frowned at him. "Needles?"

"'S what he said to do. I just follow directions."

"River, let me see your arms," Vera said gently.

She held them out and showed the inside of her elbows. "No track marks in the antecubital fossa," she said helpfully. "It's too infrequent to mark."

"Oh honey..." Vera clucked.

"Any pill form?" Caro asked. "What's the name of it? Doc Wade should be able to get pills."

"Doc Wade's still around?"

"He ain't that old," Vera chided. She bopped Jayne on the back of his head. "He's my generation."

"He always seemed so _old,"_ Jayne whined.

"That's 'cause he's older'n you," Mattie joked. Caro stole a piece of bacon from his plate. "Hey!"

"You weren't eating that," Caro said sweetly. She grinned at him cheekily when Vera turned to look at them. "Waste is a sin."

"That's right," Vera said, missing the byplay. "An' today is Sunday. So after everything's all done, we'll load up the mule and head to church."

River stared at Vera with wide eyes. "With a Shepherd?" Her voice trembled.

"Of course. He's a great Shepherd, too. Lots of stories, real approachable and personable. He's got a more subtle style than the preacher we had when you were around, Jayne. Shepherd David is more like a storyteller, it seems like."

"Never did like Shepherd Dan's sermonizing."

"You were fond of Shepherd Book," Mattie chimed in. "You said all nice things in your letters about him. You got on fine."

River looked at Jayne with a troubled glance.

"Yeah. Quiet man, but he was good in the black."

"River, honey," Vera said, pointing to her plate. "You still have eggs."

"God will be angry," she replied. "I destroyed his symbol, turned it to paper. The inaccuracies and fallacious statements were not supposed to be corrected with quantum mechanics."

"Oh dear," Vera murmured.

River appeared agitated. "God won't hear silence. He wants hymns and hosannas, lots of praise. He won't like silence."

Vera patted River's hand. "It's all right, dear."

"He doesn't like it if you're not perfect, and I'm fractured. I'm not normal."

"Don't think like that," Vera said, shocked. "God loves everyone just the same. Nobody's perfect."

"Normal's overrated anyway," Caro added helpfully.

"But patchwork brains..."

"There must be a purpose for it, River," Vera replied, cutting her off. "There's a grand design for the 'verse, I'm sure."

"Everything works out in the end," Mattie said, sneaking a last piece of bacon off Caro's plate.

River thought of Wash and Book, and remained silent. She managed to finish her breakfast, but it tasted like sawdust and glue.

***

Regan could feel the press of a sprawling, lit web around her. The walls were closing in, listening to her breathe. Ribbons of wires, spooling out from a central hub were lining the walls. Eyes and ears were everywhere. Pressure, dark and thick and waiting for her.

_Make a choice. Action or inaction._

She thought of the strange figure in her vision. He might have been a Shepherd, a Hunter, an Enforcer, a Farmer. Whatever his role, he was somehow invested in her children.

Children. Father would be upset if he knew she still thought of River.

_Did you think of Anne, Mother? When he made you choose, did you still worry about her?_

Regan knew what her choice would be. She knew what her punishment would be if she was found out; no sympathy or mercy would be offered to a traitor. Her grandfather had begun the program, but Regan didn't think even he would have been able t predict how far things have gone. _Research made manifest,_ Regan thought numbly.

Someday, her children just might forgive her.

***

River seemed to enjoy the sermon, which was a lesson about acceptance and love. Jayne was surprised to be welcomed back to Hunting Darren's, and was also surprised to find out how much he remembered of the town. The sore fronts on Main were the same, the people more or less the same. Jayne knew some of their stories from Vera's letters, but it was different seeing everyone in person. His old schoolmates were still in the area. Most were long since married, with children creeping up into their teens. "Oh how lucky you are," Seth Darcy told Jayne. "No kids to worry 'bout schoolin', no wife gettin' on ya for drinkin' too much or if ya look the wrong way at someone on the street."

Seth had been fairly popular, tall and thin with dark hair and bright green eyes. He had dropped out of school a few years after Jayne had, and had started working at one of the metalwork shops. He had married one of the prettiest girls in town, Ann Marie Bennet, whose family owned the bakery. Sixteen years had aged them. Seth and Ann Marie both ran to fat now, and liberal amounts of gray streaked Seth's hair. His six children ran around town; his eldest son was already fourteen and working at the metalwork shop with Seth. "He coulda been more. Your own Mattie said so. Smart enough for Mattie's honors class. But when money's tight with eight mouths to feed..."

"I hear ya. Did the same to help Pa."

"Damn shame 'bout Tim. Good man."

Jayne was uncomfortable, and only nodded at Seth. "Yeah. He was." He saw Vera, Mattie, Caro and River near the church steps and rubbed the back of his neck. All the money he'd earned or stolen that he didn't use went home. The outside of his childhood home looked old, but the inside was well cared for. And they'd never had to bow down to the Hunters and sell the farm. Too many families had done that even before Jayne left.

_Jared hadn't been like that. he'd worked at the junk yard like the rest of us. Before he went bad, anyway._

"What's this? Dressin' up trash and makin' like you belong?"

Jayne stiffened at the sound. Seth actually paled.

"I heard you was back," Jonas Hunter said, voice low and menacing. "You got some nerves, comin' back 'round here after what you done."

Jayne turned around slowly after locking eyes with Mattie. Mattie seemed scared, Caro was concerned and Vera seemed to be holding her breath. River was curious.

"Well... Jonas Hunter. I wish I could say the years treated you good."

Seth sucked in a breath and looked around. No exit.

Jonas smiled at Jayne, a spreading of lips that resembled a grimace more than a smile. "Still a worthless _hun dan,_ I see."

_"He chusheng zajiao de zanghuo,"_ Jayne spat.

Jonas turned and looked at the other Cobbs. "They know their proper place. Guess you always was the dumb one in the family."

"If by dumb you mean I ain't no backstabbing piece of _go se_ then yeah, I guess I'm as dumb as they come."

"Papa!" a young voice rang out. It cut across Jonas' reply.

Jayne turned to the voice. There was a pair of twins immaculately dressed, seated in the Hunter family carriage. They had honey-gold hair and piercing blue eyes. Both twins wore the same white dress with pink embroidered flowers, but one wore gold-rimmed glasses. Jayne looked from them to Jonas. "Who'd you con into bein' your wife?"

Jonas grit his teeth. "I ain't done with you, Jayne Cobb. Just you wait."

"Airbag then and airbag now," Jayne hissed. His expression never changed. "You're no better than the _le se_ on the street."

"You'd know what that kind is," Jonas replied snidely "It's all that Cobbs ever are."

Jayne watched Jonas leave. It brought back the same helpless rage of his teen years. Too angry to speak, Jayne watched as he climbed into the carriage across from the two girls. Jonas didn't even look in his direction, as if he didn't exist. The girl with the glasses looked on in wonder, and Jonas snapped something to make her turn back to the front.

"What'd ya do that for?" Seth hissed. "He's destroyed men for less."

"He's a coward, always has been," Jayne snapped.

Mattie reached them in time to hear the comment. "Then he's a coward that owns half the county, and is tryin' to pressure us to sell. If not for you..."

Mattie didn't need to finish the statement. Jayne understood perfectly. "Good for me, then."

"He's a mean one," Caro muttered, coming up behind Mattie. River and Vera were behind her. "He's gotten worse over time. I think he drinks."

"Everyone drinks," River replied in a serious tone. "Otherwise we would become dehydrated."

"She meant alcohol," Jayne muttered.

"His daddy spends most of his time at the old junk yard," Vera said, shaking her head. "Oftentimes after hours he drinks himself into a stupor and don't go home."

Jayne frowned. "Old Man Hunter never used to drink."

"Losing a son and daughter'll do it. And Jonas ain't much of a son to his daddy. Everyone knows he loved Jared best," Vera said. She shook her head. "Well, enough now of gossiping hens. Seth Darcy, you should know better than to encourage such things. Ann Marie and your babies must be wanting to go home now."

Seth grinned and took the hint. "Sure thing, Mrs. Cobb. You all have a good Sunday." He nodded at Jayne and flashed him a smile. "It ain't been the same without you, Jayne. Good to see ya back home where you belong."

Jayne piled into the mule and let Mattie drive. His mood was definitely sour for the day.

***

Gabriel was supposed to take it easy, let his body readjust to his prior routine. But there was his business to consider, the Tam name and the short stack of cryptic messages that had been left for him by Regan's father.

Gabriel let it all go. Hey waited for almost a week. They could wait another day or two.

His son spat such filth at the poor physical therapist he had arranged for. But as Gabriel watched from the sidelines with Kaylee, he could see the different in him already. Simon had progressed much farther with more aggressive treatment. He pushed himself hard, as any Tam would have done. Even Gabriel had to admit that maybe he had been wrong about Simon.

His son was a man. Somehow, while Gabriel wasn't looking, his son had turned into a man. He was a worthy Tam, even if his focus and priorities were different.

Now was not the time to say so, when he was so angry. Only Kaylee could calm him these days, and that was as it should be. If they were going to have a future, they would have to know how to suffer together.

Gabriel thought of Regan. If anything, they both knew how to sacrifice and suffer beautifully for the sake of the Tam name.

He had a second chance with everything. He knew that now. He didn't want to waste it.

***

Caro readily played piano for River to dance in the family room. She danced along to ever style Caro knew how to play, and was having a great time. During a country reel, however, River abruptly stopped dancing. The grin died on her face, and she turned to Jayne. "Are you armed?"

"Yeah. I got Boo and Pixie in my boots, but—"

"Don't reach for them. He'll shoot you where you stand."

"What?" Caro gasped. She rose from the piano bench.

"No time. Jonas Hunter is looking for any excuse to kill Jayne. No evidence."

Jayne growled low in his throat and pushed past River to go into the front of the house. "Ain't nobody gonna do nothin' here to me."

River and Caro went into the front hallway as Jonas Hunter kicked his way through the front door. Caro let out a shriek, and River knew that Mattie and Vera could hear it. They would rush in through the back door from the garden, tools in hand. No sympathy or mercy would be shown; Jonas was ready to shoot anything that moved the wrong way. He had come with one of his lackeys who had more brawn than brain. Jonas liked to be told he was right.

River turned to Caro. "Tell Matt and Vera to leave the tools behind. This will be managed."

"What are you...?"

River shoved her toward the back door. "Tell them."

She caught up to Jayne in the living room off to the side of the front door. He hadn't reached for the guns in his boots yet. This was good. River touched his shoulder. "No guns. Vera won't like bullet holes in her walls." She ignored Jonas' snicker. "Let me. I can win this."

"If you don't, I'm pullin' lead out."

River nodded and stepped in front of Jayne as Jonas raised his revolver. "Jonas Hunter."

"Lookit," he said, voice slurred. "Hidin' behind a little girl. Jus' like the Jayne I remember."

Jayne clenched his teeth in anger, but held still. He could hear the others thunder into place behind him. They gasped and didn't think this could be gotten around. Jayne knew better. He remembered how Reaver blood dripped down from the axe blades when the doors had opened. He remembered the look on River's face before the stand-down order had come. She would have turned those blades on the Alliance. She would have fought to the death. They had trained her well, and she was only too willing to use their own training against them. Jayne trusted River's fighting instinct. She was good, and if she could take down Reavers, she could take down a drunk without anyone getting hurt.

"You are Jonas Hunter," River began, voice low and calming. She edged closer as Jonas laughed.

"Even Jayne's girl knows me. He tell ya how much better'n him I am?"

"He did not speak of you. He had no need to. I saw it in how you behaved at church."

Her fist shot out impossibly fast. It closed around Jonas' gun hand, twisting it around. The shot he fired by reflex buried itself into the flunky's gut. He fell back with a surprised grunt, and River used Jonas' arm to twist herself around in a full circle. Her booted foot connected with the flunky's head, knocking him out. Her circle landed her behind Jonas, his arm twisted up behind him painfully.

The entire move took less than thirty seconds.

Jayne grinned. "That'll do."

"Wave the sheriff. Tell him to get the Hunter girls from the house." River didn't even look concerned as Jonas began to struggle. She shifted her hand grip and Jonas howled in pain. "Jonas has a story to tell, and it's best if it's told all at once."

"Go to hell!" Jonas screeched.

"You first," River murmured. "You are most welcome there, after all."

"You _gorram_ bitch!" Jonas howled as Caro ran to the wave machine. "You ain't got nothing on me!"

"Their ghosts cry out for justice," River whispered.

Jayne was the only other one to hear that comment, and he looked at River, startled. "What game is this?" he asked.

"Do you trust me?" River asked. Their eyes locked for a short eternity before Jayne nodded. "The truth will be revealed."

Caro ran back, panting slightly. "Sheriff says come on down. Deputy Patrick's off to get his girls from the house."

River kept Jonas in step as they marched to the Sheriff's station at the edge of town. It was across the street from the bank and next door to the armory. All in all, Sheriff Wickham felt it was an ideally located station and jail.

He was surprised to see a delicate-looking young woman with shoulder-length black hair frog-marching Jonas Hunter into the office. It looked as though she wouldn't be able to keep him still, yet she was amazingly steady as Jonas struggled and used many a profanity at the Cobbs that followed them.

"Now what's this about?" Sheriff Wickham asked.

"There is a story to be told. It's best done once," the girl added. "We should wait for the twins."

Wickham wasn't accustomed to being given orders, but it was a sound idea. Patrick had gone in a mule, and the Cobbs had apparently come on foot. He would be back soon. Wickham turned to the strange girl. "Now who are _you?"_

River inclined her head. "A guest of the Cobb family. I was enjoying my visit until Mr. Hunter kicked in Vera's door."

Jonas squirmed under Wickham's gaze. "Defendin' my own," he muttered. "Trash talking _go se_ bitch don't know nothin' 'bout my business. Now, Sheriff, you know the good I've done up in town for everybody..."

"Tell them about Christina," River said suddenly. Her tone was commanding even if her voice was soft in volume. She had said it just as the twins and Deputy Patrick entered the main office area. The girls actually halted just inside the threshold.

"That Cobb whore?" Jonas spat scornfully.

Jayne cried out in pain. He didn't need to; without any apparent motion, River had adjusted her grip on Jonas' arm and caused him increased pain.

"Daddy!" the twin in glasses cried.

"Tell them, Jonas Henry Hunter. Tell them about Christina Elaine Cobb Hunter. Tell them."

Jonas shuddered. "You're a witch..."

"Yes," River agreed, nodding. "And it is long past due for your wrongs to be revealed."

_"Ji nu!"_ Jonas hissed.

"What did you do to my baby sister?" Jayne roared.

Wickham stepped into Jonas' line of view. "It's best you start talkin', Jonas. I think we all need to know what happened now."

"She's nothin' but a dead whore."

River readjusted her hand grip, and Jonas roared in pain. "Do not lie. I will know it if you lie."

"What happened sixteen years ago?" Mattie cried.

The twins looked at each other, startled.

"She fell!" Jonas bit out. "We was arguin', and she fell down the stairs. Jared saw, ran out to get a doc. I stopped him. I said it was no use, no time. She was screamin', sayin' she couldn't feel 'em moving no more." Jonas looked down to the floor.

"What are you saying?" Jayne asked, voice rough.

"I cut 'em out of her, washed 'em. She just kept bleeding and bleeding... all over the floor, so much blood... Then Jared came back with you, you sorry sumbitch. Not a doc, not somebody to save her... he was a stupid _hun dan,_ let her die. He even said so. You slugged him hard, and fell down those same stairs my baby doll fell down..." Jonas sagged against River, caught up in his memories. His eyes closed partway, and his head lolled slightly.

Jayne looked ready to kill Jonas Hunter right there and then, but a look from River stopped him.

"Never meant to push her down, never meant to make her cry. But she just kept screaming, wouldn't stop, and I had to make her stop before Jared came back. But he didn't bring no doctor, just Jayne Cobb, that sorry sumbitch. Just punched him and ran out after Jared took a tumble. But he was still breathin', still tryin' to move. He called me a piss poor excuse of a man, chasing his bride and makin' him sorry to be a Hunter. I had to shut him up, I had to make him stop before the girls would hear..."

One of the twins made a squeaking noise, but Jonas was beyond hearing anything else.

"He stopped breathing when I covered up his fac. He went quiet and quick, that sorry piece of _go se._ Not like my Chrissy, fightin' to the very end. Gave my girls that same fightin' spirit." Jonas began to laugh, a wild cackle that was frightening to hear.

"You made me think my best friend killed my sister," Jayne began, voice low and menacing. "And you made me think I killed my best friend." Jayne yanked Jonas out from River's suddenly slack grip. "You made me think it was all _my_ fault, you _gorram hun dan._ You made me leave home when _you_ killed my baby sister and my best friend! I spent sixteen years cursing his name when it was _you_ that ruined 'em and killed everyone I loved!"

Jayne pulled back and smashed his fist right into Jonas' face. Jonas' head snapped back, and then he fell from Jayne's grip with a grunt. Wickham gestured to Patrick, who hauled him up and toward a cell in the back.

"Oh my poor baby," Vera murmured, a hand still over her mouth. "My Tina, dying like that..."

Caro looked over at the twins. "You're Christina's girls, aren't you? And we've never known..."

Jayne rubbed his face wearily. "What?"

Mattie was shaking his head. "All this time, Jonas lied? I didn't think he was even capable."

River stepped forward, past Jayne and Mattie. Her motions carried a dancer's fluid grace and a hunter's purpose. "Viola, Victoria. He was not truly your father, but your uncle."

The twins were clinging to each other. The one without glasses after a moment straightened her shoulders and glared at River. "You're lying. You made him tell some story and you got these people to lie."

"Vicky," the one with glasses began timidly.

"Hush!" Victoria hissed. Her grip on her sister's shoulders tightened painfully. "It's all a lie."

"You know what is true," River said, voice gentle.

"You're my nieces?" Jayne said, staring at the girls. He felt as though someone had slammed him on the side of the head with a board. "You're my sister's girls?'

"You both never met family," Vera murmured. "All you had was Jonas, and he never let you meet us." She pushed past Jayne and River to approach the girls. "I'm Vera Cobb, Tina's mama." She beamed at them. "Oh, you're both such beautiful grandbabies."

Viola looked ready to cry. "We have a Gramma?"

"No, it's a trick!" Victoria said, pulling on Viola's arm. She nearly spun her sister around. "You know what Daddy said about Cobbs..."

Viola pulled her arm away and glared at her twin. "And you heard what he just said! He killed our real Mama and Daddy!"

"Vi..."

"Don't you get it? It makes sense now, all the drunk ramblings, why we can't talk to half the town? He knew someone would burst his bubble. He wanted to keep us for his own, and we ain't never had family when they're right here!"

Victoria's lip trembled at Viola's words. "He was a good Daddy to us, Vi."

"And he killed people, Vicky."

She shook her head vehemently. "No..."

"He was prob'ly drunk, like when he hit you..."

"He _hit_ little girls?!" Jayne roared.

"Stop it!" Caro screeched. "Everyone just stop it right now!" All eyes turned to her. "It's done. Whatever happened sixteen years ago, whatever before today... It's done. It doesn't make a lick of difference now."

"That's right," Vera agreed, voice firm. She squared her shoulders much like Victoria had just done. "You can't go home to an empty house. I got more'n enough room, and we can all get to know each other." She reached out and gathered both girls into a hug. "So much has happened, so much I missed. I want to be a good Gramma to you girls, make you feel at home."

"We have a home," Victoria said stiffly. She didn't quite push herself away from Vera, but the distance between them was tangible.

"Well, all Hunter assets belonging to Jonas Hunter will now be frozen while we investigate this matter. Deputy Patrick can have you collect some personal belongings, but you should stay with Vera Cobb for now," Wickham said, voice grave. "She's a fine pillar in the community. And if this story's true, she's your Gramma to boot. Even if she weren't," Wickham added, cutting off Victoria, "I'd still ask her to look after you two. Any child in need of a home is welcome at the Cobb house."

Vera nodded emphatically as she let the girls go. "I'd really like to get to know you both."

Victoria crossed her arms over her chest as Viola nodded, a fearful look on her face.

"Then it's settled," Wickham declared. "Deputy, help the Hunter girls get settled in. I'll see what I can do here with Jonas Hunter."

Jayne stayed behind after Vera and Caro led the twins out. "Hanging's too good, Sheriff."

"Is that the fear you had when you left back then?" Wickham countered. "Fear of hanging?"

Jayne shook his head. "Shamin' Ma and Mattie. I'd've taken the noose gladly then if not for them."

Wickham nodded. "I remember you from school before you quit. You weren't a bad sort."

Jayne shrugged and looked away. He couldn't meet River's eyes either. "I done things I ain't proud of, Sheriff. I ain't a good man, neither."

Wickham shrugged. "The 'verse is full of ordinary men. Some are good, some not. You just got to be good enough, I reckon."

"Probably so," Jayne murmured. He nodded at the Sheriff and followed Mattie and River out of the office.

Today had definitely been an interesting day.

***  
***


	17. Building Bridges

The at-home rehabilitation was brutal. Simon felt as though his entire body was on fire after each session, and suddenly he found himself shouting every vile curse he had learned out in the Black. Even the therapist raised an eyebrow at a few of them, but overall he remained placid and composed throughout their sessions. Kaylee had taken the therapist aside and apologized for Simon's behavior. "He's not usually like this," Kaylee pleaded. "He's a doctor, you see. He don't know how to be helpless. He don't know how to need help. He's always done the fixin', and he can't understand bein' like this too well."

The therapist had merely smiled at her encouragingly. "He's lucky to have you."

"Huh?"

"You don't have to worry about Simon, Miss Kaylee. I understand what's going on with him. To be honest, I prefer it if my patients fight and curse at me."

"You do?"

"Sure. It means they have a fighter's spirit. That's what will push them to succeed, if only to make me go away." He grinned at Kaylee and bowed slightly. "He's making great progress, by the way. He's too busy cursing me and all my ancestors to really notice, but it's true all the same."

Kaylee grinned. "Thanks so much. I was worried you'd be offended."

"No need," he replied reassuringly. "I understand it's not really personal. It's just easier for him to yell at me than at himself."

"Exactly," Kaylee agreed with a nod.

Simon didn't know what they were talking about on the front porch. He was sitting indoors, at the parlor window. He had never learned to read lips, and now wished he could. Kaylee would never betray him, he knew. He could trust in her. Hell, he only trusted her. Mal and Zoe were keeping secrets from him, something besides just River's location. That had to be a closely guarded secret, and he had asked for Mal's word. But he could feel an undercurrent between them, something in their silent conversations. They didn't pretend to get along with household rules, didn't pretend to like Gabriel. They seemed to hold Regan in awe, but that made sense. She had returned to being her usual regal self. Perhaps his prior horror at her words had been because she had been in strange surroundings. Regan didn't seem odd or psychotic. He had to be imagining things. He wasn't a psychiatrist, after all. He really didn't know what to look for. Tonics and pills could be anything, from medications for health or some sort of social thing he hadn't known about. Simon had always been so focused, so good. There was so much he didn't know about.

But he didn't trust his physical therapist.

The man was all smiles and silence, pushing him far past his limits. He never reacted to the vile names Simon called him. He never seemed to be ruffled, never shocked.

Simon didn't even know his name, but he hated the man just the same.

Of course, hitting on Kaylee like that didn't help any.

Simon had never been good with people the way River had been. River always had a quiet sixth sense about people. She listened to the words that people said, how they said it and how they looked at her while saying it. Everyone called her Little Mouse because she was quiet, almost hiding in the shadows until it was time for the reveal. It gave her a better vantage point, she used to say. Simon always had asked her how she always knew things. "People don't know how much they give away in their body language. They tell you so much without words if only you know how to read it."

Wherever she was, Simon hoped she was all right. He didn't quite trust Jayne, either.

Kaylee bounded into the parlor, all smiles and giddy happiness. Simon tried not to resent it.

"You're doin' so good, Simon. D'you want to go into Capitol City an' look for wedding things with Inara today?"

That threw him for a moment. He had forgotten they were even engaged. "Uh... sure. Sounds like fun. But... in case you haven't noticed, _bao bei,_ I can't walk yet."

"Oh, I know. Soon enough for that. We'll use your motorized wheelchair in the city. You'll get all sorts of special attention and treatment that way."

Simon set his jaw. "I don't want to be special," he hissed. "Not like that."

Kaylee refused to be fazed y his behavior. "And why not? _I_ always thought you were somebody special. If it takes a special chair for everybody else to think so, why not? _I_ knew it before they did."

He wanted to be angry with her, he really did. It made his life so much easier if he could just be angry with everyone in the 'verse. His parents, for not seeing anything wrong with the Academy. Himself, for not noticing until it was too late. His own beloved little sister, for not being strong enough to see through the lies herself. The Academy, for cutting up River's brain and reducing her to an unstable tool. Mal, for not trusting them until it was too late. Jayne, for being a greedy _hun dan._ Kaylee, for being afraid and hesitant and not pushing him enough.

Hell, it was exceedingly easy to hate. It didn't take any effort at all. It was work to love, and love hurt something fierce when frustrated.

But Simon couldn't hate Kaylee, not matter how much he might have wanted to. She was a part of him, his right arm, half his heart.

Simon hung his head. "I don't deserve you."

"Not that again," Kaylee sighed. "I think you bein' all angry and brassed off is better'n you all sorry for yourself. C'mon, top three percent of your class. _Think._ You know you say you say these things. You know why you can't say what you mean to say. It don't take no genius to figure it out."

Simon sighed. "I get so _tired..."_

"I know, _bao bei._ It's why I think a change of pace'll do you good. You get out of here, and you see the world. You need to feel real again."

Yes. That was it. That was it exactly.

Kaylee grinned at the surprise dawning on his face. "I pay attention to things I care about."

Simon grabbed for her hand and was surprised to see that his arm made the correct arc. "Oh Kaylee..." His eyes were wide with shock.

"It'll just take time to retrain your nerves," Kaylee murmured encouragingly. "They'll all grown back. Now you just relearn where they are and what they do."

Simon stared at her for a long moment. "What is it about me that keeps you with me? I'm stupid with words and I don't even know myself."

Kaylee shook her head. "I see _you,_ Simon. You see who you should be, who you think you are, who you think everyone else wants. I see _you,_ and all I want is _you."_ She knelt in front of Simon and took his hands in hers. "I don't ask a damned thin of you that you can't give. I don't ask for your rep or your top three percent. I see a man in front of me. He's brilliant and _shuai,_ harder on himself than anyone in the 'verse should be. He's got a generous heart and a kind soul. He just don't know how to pick himself up off the ground 'cause he ain't never fallen before. But fallin's easy. Fallin's the best and most fun part." Kaylee grinned at Simon playfully. "And I've been low before. I can show you the way back up. Climbin's hard alone, but it ain't nothin' if you got someone with you."

Simon looked at Kaylee in awe. "Where'd you learn that?"

"My Mama and Papa. We ain't never had fancy things, but you don't need to. It ain't things that make you great, _bao bei._ It's the good you do with the gifts you have. It's how you help the people you can."

Simon adjusted his hands to cover hers. "Then your parents were smart people."

"I think you'd like 'em," Kaylee said with a gentle smile. "Good people."

Simon nodded and squeezed her hands. "All right. Let's go shopping. The first thing we need is an engagement ring. Whatever you like."

"I work with my hands, Simon. I can't wear something big that'll catch on engine parts."

"Don't worry about that. You can wear it on a necklace. But I want everyone to know how wonderful you are."

Kaylee giggled. "All right, then. But nothing big and chunky that'll catch on things."

***

Victoria was sullen at meals, picking at her food and complaining that Vera's best dishes weren't even as good quality as the daily use Hunter plates. She looked down or away, avoiding Vera's hurt looks. She hardly spoke to anyone else, keeping to the room she had been assigned. Since River had Christina's bedroom, one of the guest rooms had quickly been turned into a bedroom for the twins. Victoria had complained; she had never had to share a room with her sister before, and certainly didn't want to share now.

"I'm the eldest. I'm the one who should be followed and I should have my own room."

"Vicky, they're trying," Viola murmured, pulling on her sister's sleeve.

Victoria would pull her arm away and leave the room whenever possible. She didn't like to be reminded that the man she had thought was her father was her uncle, and that he had killed the parents she had never known. She didn't like knowing she had been lied to her whole life, and didn't like feeling lost.

_You cannot see who we are. You cannot see past your fear and rage..._

River often sat near the twins when they were whispering between themselves. She could see them look at her, wonder about her. It was no different from the Cobbs' reaction to her now, but River refused to think about it.

Perhaps she was not so different from the Hunter twins after all.

***

Inara was tired. She was tired of smiling and pretending things were all right. Regan looked at her oddly, as if trying to figure out what she was doing with everyone else on Osiris. Inara didn't even know why she was staying. She had come along with the _Serenity_ crew, but she didn't have to stay. There was no reason to stay. This wasn't her family, and while she felt some ties to some of the crew, they didn't all feel the same way. She told herself she was here for Kaylee, to help with the wedding. Kaylee wanted a beautiful dress, and deserved every bit of happiness she could get. Inara wanted to see that, certainly, but she also couldn't help but still wonder what was going on between herself and Mal.

It was complicated, and she hated complicated.

Mal had avoided her ever since they had landed. Dinner had been quit that first day, and Inara just hadn't seen Mal afterward. It wasn't hard to avoid someone in a house like this one, as large as it was. In fact, it was harder to find someone without being obvious.

Inara sat down at the piano in the drawing room and began to play. She hadn't really played piano in some time, and her fingers felt stiff and unused. In a few bars, Inara caught the rhythm of the piece. It was from Ree Innsdale, a composer from Londinium known for his thoughtful, soul-piercing pieces of music. Inara had always been partial to Innsdale pieces; his sonatas were always breathtaking. The music always seemed to speak to her, to be able to say what she was unable to say for herself.

There was clapping as Inara finished, and it startled her. She turned around and saw Mal standing there in the doorway. She inclined her head. "Thank you. It's one of my favorite pieces," she said warmly. She couldn't help but smile.

Mal was taken aback by the smile on her face. It was radiant, warm and open. He hadn't seen her smile like that in a long time, and it was almost disconcerting. "It's a beautiful piece. Innsdale?"

Inara blinked in shock. "Why yes, it is."

"Not too many impressive piano composers around," Mal replied, answering the unspoken question in her voice. "I listen to music on occasion," he added.

Inara smiled one of her Companion smiles, and Mal could feel his chest clamp down tight. "He's my favorite composer."

Mal nodded. "That's my favorite."

"Composer?'

"Smile," Mal responded without thinking. He cleared his throat nervously in the face of her surprise. "Well, it's a god piece to play. I like the Silver Moon Sonata the best, actually. Ever hear it?" he asked.

Inara nodded, stunned. "It's beautiful. One of his greatest works."

"I always thought so." Mal smiled at her. "Which one's your favorite?"

"This one is, actually. I've always loved it."

Mal took in the sight of her, the easy grace and elegance that seemed to be second nature to her. He wasn't the same kind of mold as her, hadn't the same kind of attitude she did about the Alliance and its workings.

Knowing all this, Mal loved her anyway.

"It's good to see you happy, Inara."

Startled by his honesty, Inara looked up and met Mal's gaze. "Have you ever been happy?"

"Once. Didn't last long."

"Maybe that's why you don't trust it when it comes along," Inara observed.

"Maybe," Mal agreed solemnly.

"Maybe you need to try," Inara said gently. She turned around in the seat and faced him fully, face turned to his. "Maybe this time, it'll stay."

"What's to keep it by my side?" Mal returned. There was no trace of bitterness in his voice. "What've I got to offer?"

"You're honest."

"Plenty of those in the 'verse," Mal murmured. "I ain't so special."

"Yes, you are. You always have been." Inara's voice dropped. It was effort to meet his gaze. "Even when I haven't been so good."

"Ain't the same. Ain't got nothing to offer nobody."

_You've got me,_ Inara wanted to say. But that was too much at once for this conversation, and she kept silent. Too much too soon would destroy everything in the fragile balance between them. Nothing ever went easy.

"You're too hard on yourself, Mal," Inara said. She rose from the bench. "You are so much better than you seem to think you are."

"Maybe," Mal allowed for a moment. "But even so, most of the 'verse won't see it that way. And I have to be honest about it. The 'verse can't always be a kind place, you know. I gotta make sure I'm still standing at the end of the day."

"Maybe someone might want to help you. Would you accept it?"

Mal shrugged. "My back's covered. Some days, that's good enough." He nodded at Inara. "I'll let you go back to playing, then. Didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's all right," Inara said, a wistful smile on her face. She watched Mal walk away. "Really."

She sank back down to the piano bench. After a moment, she launched into the Silver Moon Sonata. It was her second favorite piece.

***

Jayne huffed and puffed, but finally gave in and took River to see Doc Wade late Monday afternoon. Vera had asked him to see a distant cousin named Regina, and Wade had just laughed at Vera over the wave machine. "Everything's an emergency, Vera, I know. Don't worry. I'll be able to see her this afternoon."

Jayne had made sure they would arrive just on time. He had an unopened vial of River's medication in his jacket pocket so that Doc Wade would now what to order. He couldn't remember the name, it was so _gorram_ complicated. River patiently let him guide her by the elbow into the doctor's office, which was nothing like the medbay on Serenity.

There was a large window on one wall, an eye chart on one side of it. On the other side of the window was a set of cabinets with a sink and counter beneath it. The counter had tall glass jars with alcohol wipes, cotton swabs, tongue depressors and bandages. Drawers under the counter likely held the tourniquets, needles, syringes and such. There was a table in the center of the room, a few chairs and a few toys in the corner of the exam room that looked well worn. The wallpaper was faded and peeled a bit in the corners near the floor. Crayon scribbles littered the exposed areas of the wall and colored over the nondescript floral design.

River loved it. It was organized chaos, it was the exam room of a doctor that not only took pride in his work, but loved his patients.

She hopped up onto the table without being asked and swung her legs back and forth playfully as she waited for Doc Wade to enter the room.

"Yer name's Regina here," Jayne warned.

"I 'member," River replied with a nod, mimicking his accent. "I ain't gonna make ya lose face."

Startled, Jayne could only nod. He poked at the jars on the counter as River stretched her arms upward. "He's a good doc," Jayne began.

"Of course. Much love has gone into this room."

"Eh? It's old and kinda dirty. Not all clean like your brother gets it."

"He's a surgeon. He worries of contagion. He forgets of surface bacteria on skin, the normal flora to prevent pathogenic growth. He doesn't remember that there never really is such a thing as completely sterile conditions in the air."

The words flowed over and through Jayne without making impact. It didn't matter what she said, really. She sounded sane and she wasn't going batshit insane knocking out everything in sight. He was a simple man, and a calm River was a simple thing to deal with.

"You sell yourself short," River murmured. "Good does not mean unflawed. Good does not mean perfection. _Le beau ideal_ is not always needed."

A gentle knock on the door cut off what Jayne might have said. Doc Wade came into the room, bearing a thin folder and pen in hand. "Regina Cobb?"

"That's me," River replied with an easy smile. Her legs still swung playfully.

"Mighty nice to meet you, young lady. So you're the visitor up at the Cobbs' place?" River nodded enthusiastically. "Thought so. Vera takes over like she's everyone's Mama if she lets you stay up at her place." Wade pulled up a chair and sat.

"She's a fine woman, real good to me," River murmured.

"Of course. And this is Jayne... you don't look so bad, bein' gone so long," Wade said with a laugh, looking over at Jayne. He didn't miss the way Jayne hovered around the girl, and hadn't missed an undercurrent of concern that was a touch extreme even for Vera. There was something about the girl that didn't quite make sense.

"I done all right," Jayne hedged. "Doc, I don't know what Ma told you, but we only came for meds. She's on this one right here, and Ma said to ask if there's pills of it."

Wade accepted the vial and peered at its label. He looked up in shock at the girl sitting on his exam table. He blinked, and she still looked fairly young and serene. "What symptoms do you have, Regina?"

"There were voices," River said softly. "Sometimes colors, scenes, people. Things shifting in and out. I could almost touch time. There was... everything was softer then, rounded, not so edged or real. Things did not connect with others' perception of reality."

"What dose are you getting?"

"I'm givin' her five," Jayne replied helpfully when River looked at him pointedly. At Wade's look of shock, he shrugged. "It's what her other doc told her to take."

"And where's he?"

"On transport. She was at some school when it all started," Jayne lied easily.

Wade looked at him for a long moment, then put the file aside on the counter. "I ain't a dummy, Jayne Cobb. This is serious medication for some serious symptoms. And don't you think for a moment that I don't know what's going on."

If he were sixteen years younger, Jayne would have paled and stammered some weak excuse. But he had been out in the black for a long time, and that kind of thing didn't faze him anymore. He shrugged and nodded slightly at his old doctor. "Maybe so. But that's the story I'm telling, and if you're asked, that's the story you need to be telling."

Wade handed back the vial. "Look, son. I don't got this here. I can probably get something similar from the capital, but it'll take at least a week to get here. How much of this do you have left?"

"A couple more vials. Her doc gave me a month's worth when we started out here."

"I can get the prescription. Jayne, what mess have you gotten yourself into? Is this something you can get out of?"

"Look, Doc, there ain't no trouble no more. It's all taken care of. Maybe news just ain't come past this way yet, is all."

"Or maybe it wasn't taken care of." Wade stood up and took the file folder with him. "Come on, both of you. I think you need to see something."

They entered his office, which was cluttered with books and papers and patient notes. River ran her fingers along the edge of the desk as she walked past it, and felt the warm feeling Wade had for his patients wash over her.

Wade went to his Cortex panel. "Me an' the Post Office are the only ones in town that got an offworld wave machine. The Post Office probably don't look at the fine print, _dong ma?_ but I'm used to looking between lines in journal articles to how well something works. Drug companies all say their stuff is better than old stuff. But medicine's medicine, and we got some from Earth-That-Was that still work the best." He typed in a few things and pulled up River's wanted poster. "This here was flashed every _gorram_ day for nearly a year, you know that? And best I can figure, this–" Wade pointed at a small series of letters at the bottom of her warrant sheet. "–is a part of genetic code. Girl's been stamped, Jayne. Someone went through a lot of trouble to make sure she can never be anybody else."

"I'm not a body," River said, pushing past Jayne's shock. "I'm a tool to them."

"Well, I never known anybody throw away tools before. Just saying. It's right you got a story, but it won't hold water if someone has a scanner. That's all I want you to know. I spend a lot of time on the Cortex when I'm not here. I can figure things out for my own self." Wade patted Jayne on the arm. "It was a good thing to do, and it still is. Secrets like that one ought not to be kept. And pretty girls need to be protected."

River blushed and ducked her head. "Not a girl."

"Damn straight you are," Wade countered. "Now, when's the last time you had a physical?"

"I am checked..."

"I'm talking full head to toe physical, not to see what side effects are doing to you."

"Then after the escape."

"Then it's time for a checkup. Off the books, so no one tries to run a scan."

"Sounds good to me," Jayne said cheerfully.

After her exam, River left Doc Wade's office with a promise to be notified when her medication arrived. Wade watched them walk off toward the Cobb homestead. He hoped they all knew what they were getting into.

***

Viola had never been the brave one. That was Victoria. She had been the loud one, the brave one, the protector. She led the two of them, she took the hits so Viola wouldn't have to. Viola was the quiet one, the scholarly one, the fearful one.

But Viola wasn't really the fearful one, just as Victoria wasn't usually the brave one. It was all perception of others, which wasn't always true.

Viola was good at observation. When someone didn't speak, it was easier to observe and come to conclusions she was the one that usually told Victoria about people's characters.

Right now, she knew that the Cobbs weren't as evil as her father – Jonas– had said. Habits died hard, and both twins couldn't think of strangers as parents. They knew River was in Christina's old room, and so now that she was at the doctor's, they had snuck inside. If their mother had lived here, surely a sense of her would remain. Surely they would learn who she was.

Viola gravitated toward the books, Victoria to the closet. They opened the drawers, looked at the decorations. Both twins stopped and looked in the mirror. They had honey-gold hair, blue eyes and the same dimpled smile. The hair was pure Hunter gold, but now they knew that their eyes were pure Cobb.

"Daddy said we were Hunters," Victoria murmured, looking at their reflection.

Viola met her eyes in the mirror. "We are. And we're Cobbs, too."

Victoria pulled away from her sister. "No."

"Vicky..."

"No. We are _Hunters._ We are _better."_

Viola helplessly watched her twin stomp out of the room. She sank down onto the bed. She wanted to cry. Her twin, part of her, was pulling away. Viola had always been the quiet one, no emotion, all reason. She was cold knowledge, research and answers. She was the smart twin, the reasonable twin, the flexible twin. She wasn't supposed to be the emotional one.

_Gorram_ it, she _hated_ the twin stereotypes.

Viola wished she knew what to do, how to be a girl around here, caught up in something new.

She wiped at her eyes, surprised they were wet. Maybe she could cry after all. Maybe River would know. She was new to town, new to the family. She seemed quiet enough to be trustworthy. Perhaps she could help.

And maybe she could teach Viola the trick of making people tell the truth.

***

Victoria hid in the barn. One of the stalls was clean enough not to make her retch, and she pulled the door shut after her. She bawled for a while. A good cry usually made people sorry for her, but this wasn't that kind of cry. She was so frustrated, she didn't know what else to do. These were strangers, and they wouldn't leave her alone. They wouldn't stop and let her get used to the idea, or learn how to deal with it in her own way. Viola seemed okay with it, and that only made it hurt worse. Victoria understood; Jonas Hunter always made fun of book learning and had found ways to make Viola feel bad about it. She had always been made to feel like she was a bad Hunter, and now she had a reason. Now Viola felt accepted just as she was. But Victoria was the good Hunter, the tough and strong and wild one. She was the one that fought back, took the hits and shouted the roof down when she was angry.

"It's okay if you still love him," Caro said from the stall doorway. Her arms were crossed over the half door and she didn't seem to be mocking her or her pain. "He raised you. He was your Father how it counted."

"You're not going to yell and say how horrible he was?" Victoria challenged.

"No. I'm sure you know for yourself. He was a mean drunk. I'm sure you saw it all at home for yourself," Caro replied.

Victoria bristled. "You don't know–"

"And neither do you," Caro said abruptly.

"What? Who are you to tell me what to do?" Victoria cried, standing up.

"He singlehandedly bought up half the town to ruin just because he thought he was better than everyone else. Just because he hated everyone else. Just to make himself feel like a big man." Caro moved her arms from the top of the stall door and opened it. "I don't know what he was like as a father. I only know what I saw in town. You only ever know what you see. You can't judge what you don't know."

"Well, you don't know me."

"And you don't know us. So judgin' us is kinda wrong, isn't it?"

Victoria scowled. "I don't like you."

"I never asked you to, never expected you to," Caro said amiably. "But you're here."

"I don't want to be!" Victoria burst out. "I want to be in _my_ home, with _my_ stuff and _my_ room! I want my life back!"

"You can't," Caro said gently. "Live never stays still. It always changes."

Victoria shook her head forcefully. "No! I don't want it to! It can't. I won't be like you! I won't!"

"Then stay here with the horses all you like. That won't change a damn thing."

"Leave me alone," Victoria moaned.

"Certainly," Caro replied somewhat tartly. She left without looking back. She knew what she would see, a lonely, pampered girl with no idea how to behave dissolving into tears.

***  
***


	18. Faith In Time

"You're an idiot."

"Come on, just try it on. Let me see how it looks."

Inara ignored the two lovebirds in the store. Wheeling Simon around Capital City with Kaylee hadn't been a chore at all, but it was certainly painful to see the shy smiles they used on each other. She didn't need to see that any more than they needed her to see it. She was an intrusion on this private moment, and wasn't of any use.

"Do you need help, Miss?" a clerk asked from the counter.

Inara shook her head and perused the baubles beneath the glass counter. "Just browsing."

"Let me know if you need anything," the clerk said with an obsequious bow.

It set her teeth on edge. The ubiquitous servitude was too obvious here, too false. As much as the Rim worlds had been rough and tumble, there had been an honesty among the people there. They bowed or scraped by to give her what she needed because it was how they were, not because of who she was. Or what she was, rather. Inara wouldn't pretend that her Companion status helped her win respect that she otherwise might not have been able to earn.

_There will always be those that look down upon this profession, calling us no more than painted whores,_ she had been taught. _But there is a grace to this, there is a spiritual side to what we do. There is comfort of the spirit and the body, solace to the windstorms of the mind that sometimes only we can relieve. This is our purpose, this is our calling. Ignore the names and looks and stares. There is only this, and this is the meaning in our lives. This is what we are meant to do, this is what we are meant to be._

But what if there was something more?

That feeling had driven Inara from the Core worlds, searching for _more,_ without knowing what it was she was looking for. She was more than a single purpose, wasn't she? She was more than the sum of her profession, she had to be. She loved being a Companion, she loved the ability to bring calm to others, the understanding that people often didn't have for themselves. She loved the sense of peace within the sanctity of her guild.

Looking over at Simon and Kaylee browsing for wedding rings, a helpless and sick feeling rose up within her. It wasn't enough to learn by seeing, to observe but not partake. It wasn't enough to know that something existed. Inara wanted to feel for herself, to take within and not give it all away to others. She wanted something _hers_ and hers alone. She wanted something real and not pretend, something that would leave her mark on the 'verse.

Inara drifted back toward the happy couple. "Have you come to a decision yet?" she asked them, her mask fully back in place. No one would ever know her discomfort or unease. It wasn't befitting a Companion to have such feelings, and it only set others on edge to see it. Her business was the comfort of others, not herself.

Kaylee grinned up at her, pleased. "I like this one, but Simon keeps sayin' I need something bigger." She held out her left hand, and there was a slim gold band with a solitaire diamond on the fourth finger. One and a half carat, flawless cut, a small fortune. Kaylee wouldn't understand that, would never see the price tag. She would see the flash and sparkle, look at size and declare it perfect to tuck between her fingers when working on engines. In fact, Inara watched her play with the ring and twist the band to tuck the diamond in the small hollow where the fingers met her palm. "I like how it fits me fine."

Simon stared up at Kaylee with a rapt expression. He was always so sincere, so artless, so talented. He didn't know how to lie, since he had never had to. "I want something that tells everyone how special you are," he told Kaylee.

_Wo Tian,_ Inara needed to get out of there. "It's beautiful, _mei mei,"_ she murmured instead. She was feeling selfish, and had to tamp that down.

Kaylee turned her radiant grin to Simon, and he basked beneath the glow. "It's what I want."

Simon kissed her hand, a gallant to the last. "Then that's what you'll have. But you're sure..."

"I'm sure. It's shiny, Simon. It's real shiny."

It sparkled like every other diamond in the 'verse did, but Inara knew that to Kaylee, it was biggest and best and shiniest diamond. Inara knew that Kaylee was dreaming of the day when Simon would move the same way he used to. His hand would snake over her back, slide down the curve of her hip and around her waist. She would feel him worship her with hands and lips and tongue again, and everything would be back the way it used to be. It was really only a matter of time, and they would be cemented at the lip again.

She was trying to be happy for them, to not be jealous of her happiness. Inara thought that maybe she was failing at that.

Once the ring was bought and paid for, they emerged into Capital City. Inara knew of a good dress shop that would make Kaylee a beautiful gown. Today would not be the day for that, however. Simon really shouldn't have any idea about the gown.

"Oh! Tesco's Ice Cream!" Simon called out, pointing down the street. "Kaylee, we have to go there. It was the one place Father would take us if we've been good at the playhouse." He turned to her, his face slightly wistful. "I always had green tea and River always had taro."

"I love taro flavor," Kaylee chirped. "Let's go!"

Inara loved her heart, her generosity. She only wished she could be the same way.

***

River halted on the threshold to her room. Viola was curled on top of the coverlet, sleeping. She stepped inside and knocked on the door. "Viola?" she asked.

Viola startled awake and rubbed at her face almost guiltily. She reached over to the bedside table and put on her glasses. "Sorry... I was being nosy."

"I looked around when I first came here."

Viola watched her glide into the room. River was probably the first person she had ever seen make ordinary shirts and denim pants look graceful. "They keep saying she was so wonderful, but there's nothing here about her that can tell me so."

River thought of Jayne's reaction to seeing Christina's ghost, and decided not to mention it to Viola. He had reacted wrongly, and this girl would likely do so. Instead, River sat down on the bed and folded her legs beneath her. "Was there a difficulty I could help you with?"

Startled, Viola looked up. "Is it that obvious?"

"You sought me out. People don't do that around me often," River replied softly.

"You're new here," Viola said after a moment. "I mean, I can see it. You and Jayne are together, but the others seem to look at you funny..."

"We are not together," River said, her head cocked to the side now. "Not as you seem to imply."

Viola flushed and looked down. "Well, you look like an item. He looks at you, you look at him, you're most comfortable together than with other people here. I thought he brought you to visit so's the rest of the family could meet you."

River blinked in surprise. "We have known each other for about one year."

"Happens all the time," Viola mumbled, still looking down. She twisted her fingers together nervously, afraid she had insulted River. "I didn't know."

"It's all right," River murmured. "He is a most excellent teacher, but he has no interest in me that way. He is most eager to introduce me to cousins."

"Well, that's just dumb," Viola said, looking up at River suddenly. "He's here and you're here, and I know what it looks like when people like each other. I've seen the maids," Viola added wistfully, looking at River. "They look so happy."

"And you are not."

"I'm supposed to be. I'm a Hunter. I'm better than everybody else. It's..." Viola took a breath. "I was so little when I was born. I got treated like a china doll. I got tons of those at home in my room. I was the china doll, Vicky was the fighter. It wasn't me that was the good Hunter, ya know? I was in the parlor playing piano while she was climbing trees and riding horses and making Father laugh." Viola looked down at her hands. "Jonas. Uncle. I don't know anymore. He was our Father, he was the one we looked up to. And now he's a killer, and he's in jail, and we're with family we never knew we had, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to be no more. It was easy at home. I did everything Vicky didn't. We were the same face, but we just opposites of each other."

"Viola," River murmured softly. She waited until Viola looked up. "You haven't changed. You are just the same as you were before."

"No, I'm not. I'm a Cobb now."

"As well as a Hunter," River reminded her. "You have both sides of your heritage now. Your father was a good man, courted your mother and made her smile. They used to play together, used to love each other very much." On impulse, River reached out and grasped Viola's hands in her own. The startled girl didn't resist. "They would have loved you also, you and your sister, for who you are. There are no sides. There are no differences. You are who you are, the sum of everything, all parts combined into a whole."

"But I'd never known of it..."

"You felt it," River replied. "You knew you were more than Hunter, and now you know why you had that feeling. Now you have a name for it. But you were always Viola. That will never change, that will always be the same. You are Viola just as I am River. You did not become another girl when you came here. I did not become another girl. Names may change, but _you_ are the same. You did not become something else."

There was a roar in the back of River's mind, rage and hate personified. They changed. They were the only things she had ever known to completely change.

"I'm afraid," Viola whispered.

"Of what?"

"Change. What they're going to do to my Daddy. He didn't like me, but I always wanted him to be proud of me. Isn't that silly? I got all top scores from the tutors to make him happy, but he always made fun of it. That I got weak lungs and limbs and can't do nothing worthwhile so I read books he don't like." Tears welled up in her eyes. "Isn't that stupid? Aren't I just being a stupid girl? It hurts me so, and I don't know what to do."

"How does Victoria feel?"

"She's angry. She's so angry, she won't talk to me about it. We were always each other's company, and it was always good enough. I don't know what to say. I try to remind her of things, try to say I'm here for her, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. It just hurts, all of it, and I don't know how to make it stop."

River squeezed Viola's hands in hers. "Some say pain is life."

"I don't like it," Viola whined. "It _hurts."_

"Others say you need to learn from this, grow from this."

"But I don't know how. I was different at home, but I knew that." Viola began to cry in earnest, tears rolling down her cheeks. She was mortified to be crying in front of a stranger, but somehow she couldn't help herself. The knot in her chest had grown, and it was threatening to swallow her whole. "And I don't know here, not for anything. They're nice enough, but they don't feel like family. I know they're kin, but I don't feel like they are. I don't know them. And there's this reunion on Friday that she keeps talking about, and I should call her Gramma, but somehow it feels all wrong to say so."

"Time," River said. She pulled Viola into a hug and let the other girl cry on her shoulder. "It is always a matter of time."

"I'm so scared, and I don't know why," Viola moaned, sniffling. "I don't know why."

"Because they are strangers to you, and they will judge. They will look and smile and listen, and you will know that they will judge you. It is fearful, it is strange. That is ordinary and not uncommon to feel. But it will be time to get accustomed, time to learn of them. Do not expect to love right away. It will come in time if it is meant to."

River looked up at a noise in the hallway. Jayne was passing by the room to head to his, and he had a dumbfounded expression on his face. It was impossible to guess how much he had heard, but it didn't matter anyway. He disappeared into his room and shut the door.

***

"This is most displeasing, Mr. Grace," one man said to other. They were standing in a transport office, three of its employees bleeding at their feet.

"Quite, Mr. Merchant," his companion replied. "They are trained to be efficient, yet they would not help in a simple inquiry. Most disturbing."

"This seems to be our best lead," Mr. Grace said, lifting up a plasfilm sheet.

"Most irregular," Mr. Merchant replied, looking down at his feet. There was a pool of blood beginning to touch his shoes. He didn't step back.

"We have the marker in place, yet it has not shown up. She has not received care from her brother for several days."

"Perhaps we should pay a visit to this brother."

"We know where he went."

"Of course."

"The sister is the issue. She has apparently gone underground."

"Never listed on any manifest, and others refuse to trace the signatures left in place." Merchant looked back down at his feet. The pool of blood had not grown any larger, just as he knew it wouldn't. "Most irregular."

"Operatives are useless."

"He had faith. He broke without it."

"There is more to look out for. He was wrong about her."

"Of course. He did not have high enough clearance. Send your report, and then we will pay a visit to her dear brother."

"He is in his family home."

"Nothing has been heard yet."

"Most distressing. Very difficult to trust the help these days."

"Their hand must be guided."

"The mother?"

"Has been adequately sedated. She will not be a bother."

"Excellent."

"We have instructions, should they prove meddlesome."

"Of course."

They stepped around the bodies, no footprints left behind. There was never any evidence.

***

Victoria wandered back to the house just after dark. She could hear piano playing from what would have been the parlor. It didn't sound like something Viola would play, so she drifted into the room. She saw River there, playing a piece Victoria had never heard before. Viola was sitting on a chair, her knees pulled to her chin and the skirt of her dress pulled down over her legs. She was watching River play with an absent expression on her face. Victoria had seen it often enough before when she was daydreaming or concentrating hard on something.

"Acoustics, wave forms, frequencies. Music is physics, formulae made manifest."

Viola didn't appear to pay attention, since the rapt look was still on her face.

River looked up at Victoria, expression inscrutable. "You missed dinner."

Now Viola reacted, looking up and seeing Victoria in the doorway. "Vicky! I was so worried! They said you were fine, that you just needed to think a bit, but I didn't know–"

"I'm okay," Victoria said, cutting off Viola. "I'll be okay."

"Are you hungry? Vera–Gramma–whatever said to go in the fridge for leftovers if you were hungry," Viola said anxiously. Victoria recognized that in her. It was strange, watching her sister move the same way in a completely new house. She felt divorced from herself somehow, as if watching herself watch her sister. The disconnect should have worried her, but she felt too numb to really care one way or another.

"Vicky?" Viola repeated. Now her fingers twisted together, her face scrunching with worry. If it kept going much longer, Viola would start to chatter incessantly again, until Victoria would tell her to shut it. Victoria wanted to tell her not to worry, but that was too much effort.

"Perhaps sleep is best," River said, rising from the piano bench. That interrupted the pattern, and it made Victoria look at her. The desperate feeling was still trapped within her chest, but the pattern was gone and now Victoria didn't know how to act. It seemed like too much effort to scream, too much force to push her aside and rage.

Viola was at her side, touching her arm. "Vicky?"

Victoria shook off her sister. "You're all comfy," she spat, something snapping inside of her. Her twin, her other half, her only friend and confidante was moving on. She was making a friend in this stranger, she was accepting this as true and real. "You've forgotten us already, have you?"

Viola was pasty pale, blue eyes wide and tearful. That wasn't right. Only Daddy made her cry, and that was by accident. He didn't mean half the things he said when drunk, but Viola always seemed to remember them, always seemed to hold that higher than what he said when sober. Victoria would shield her from the insults as best as she could, but Viola was always so damned sensitive, always so tender inside her impassive shell. Only Victoria knew that. Only Victoria had seen those tears, hugged her, brushed her hair to calm her down.

Victoria had never made her twin cry before. The strange void inside her chest felt painful now.

"Would it be so terrible to sleep?" River asked, voice gentle. "Things do not need to be decided right away. There is time to adjust if you want to."

"Who in the _gorram_ hell are you anyway?"

"Not Cobb," River replied easily. Her eyes were deep and luminous pools, wise in ways Victoria would likely never be.

The void in Victoria's chest was painful, razor sharp. It was hard to breathe. "I'm not Cobb," she wailed. "They're no good!"

"Not all of them," River corrected. "You were never allowed to see, never allowed to learn for yourself. Now is the time to make your own thoughts on it, your own decision. You are intelligent enough to do so. Now is the time to discover your own mind."

She was hyperventilating, she had to be. Her fingertips tingled and her lips felt strange. Viola was saying something, but the blood was rushing too fast in her ears. River touched her face, and it was almost like static. Victoria went rigid, could feel as though that pain in her chest was being siphoned out of her.

"Do not panic," River said gently. "You worry your sister, and she fears enough for the two of you. Do not add to that fear. You should support each other, care for each other, protect each other. You are kin, and kin sticks together."

"Vicky," Viola murmured, pulling Victoria into a hug. "You gotta stop. You can't have a panic attack here, what'll they say? They don't know, they won't understand. Stop, Vicky. I got you, I got you. It's okay. I got you."

Victoria felt herself return the hug almost woodenly. "I can't stop, Vi. I ain't gonna be like them, I can't do it, I can't."

"We don't got to." Viola rubbed her sister's back and could feel her begin to calm. "I was talking to River. It's okay if we don't act like them, you know? We're not them. It's okay to not be them, it's okay to still be us. It's all we are anyhow."

"They keep talking and I can't listen and it's just..."

"I know, Vicky. I know."

"It hurts, Vi," Victoria whispered into her twin's ear. "I can't make it stop."

"I know," Viola murmured. She could feel the sting of tears beneath her own eyes and blinked them back. "I know."

"I want my own room and my own stuff and I even want Daddy drunk and hollerin' up a storm in the living room and cussin' everything in sight. It's all the same, it's the familiar. I don't wanna like it here, I don't wanna."

"You don't have to," River said softly. "It's all right. You have to accept it, but you don't have to like it."

Victoria looked up, tears in her eyes. She watched River return to the piano and begin to play a softer piece. "Where's everybody else?"

"They're occupied elsewhere. Mattie and Caro went to visit a friend of theirs in Pucelle, and Vera asked Jayne to bring her to visit the Shepherd. So it was just Viola and myself after dinner. She played music for me, and I played for her."

"They don't care?"

River lofted an eyebrow at Victoria. "Do you want them to?"

"I don't know! They were all acting like they did."

"And you told them you didn't want them to." River added a few grace notes to the piece she was playing, adding her own spin to the music. "What do you really want, Victoria?"

"I want it like it was."

"Can't be the same. Change is imminent, always in progression. Time flows and moves, that is a constant within the universe. You are the same, but that is all. And even then, the you that you were yesterday is not the you that you are today. Change occurs even within the individual, though it is slight enough to be missed."

Victoria blinked at her in confusion. "What?"

"She talks funny sometimes," Viola whispered into Victoria's ear.

River smiled at them both. "And I hear very well."

Both sisters flushed and sat down to listen to River play piano.

***

She thought she could escape. No one was looking for her, no one needed to know anything from her. There was nothing breathing down her back. There were no wires in the walls, no shadows stalking the house. _I fall down, break down, look around, can't be found..._

If only she could cry for herself. She wanted to; tears always burned the back of her eyelids. It would be so easy to dissolve into tears, devolve into vitreous humor and let it all wash away in a flood. She wouldn't have to make decisions, wouldn't have to think, wouldn't have to _know_ of the horrors to come.

Her visions wouldn't let her.

He pointed at her out of the corner of her eyes. He shadowed her, haunted her. _Make your move, tell them, tell them._

The eye sockets were full of stars, lives lost and gained and found. His hair stretched out wild and white beyond the field of her vision. _You_ can_ change things,_ he told her. _You can make a difference. You can move beyond yourself and become something so much more. You can be all that Anne wanted you to be._

Cheap shot. True, but a cheap shot.

She had no name, no life, no position that was all her own. She was a construct, she was nothing but what others had made of her. She wanted to move past it all, but some days were harder than others to think like that. Had Gabriel put new pills into her daily regimen? Was there a new tonic he was making her drink?

She was nameless, formless, wingless. She had no will. There was no purpose.

_You have a choice to make,_ he kept telling her.

"No," she murmured out loud. She was falling, she lost her balance and fell. There was no choice, really. There couldn't be.

Feet running to her, voices shouting. She could not be found, because there was nothing left to find. It had been burned away, lost.

"Dammit, he never told me about this as a side effect," Gabriel growled. "What in seven hells is trying to make me do?"

He? Who he? What?

Darkness pressed in around her. Voices drifted to her ears.

Wait a moment. Anne?

_Here. Give my nephew this. Give it to him, so that he would know what to do..._

There was an image of a book behind her eyes. She knew what it was, where it was hidden. She had stumbled across it one day as a child amongst Anne's things when they were sent back to her childhood home. It had always been a mystery to her why it had been missed. How could they have not known?

_Add to it... tell them your story. They need to know about our family..._

Thoughts shut down, voices tuned out. There was nothing left to feel.

"I'm going to _kill_ her father if she stops breathing," Gabriel hissed to someone.

Oh dear. Did he actually care? He wasn't supposed to. He was never supposed to see outside of his blind spots. _Father will be angry._

Oh let him. She stopped caring long ago.

_You have a chance,_ the strange black man told her. _You still have a choice._

He kept telling her so, but she kept drifting between realities. She didn't know if it was all a delusion, or if she could really make a difference.

_There is always a chance. Everyone can make a difference._

Some part of her wanted to believe.

***  
***


	19. Glass Dancers

"Jayne!"

He halted in the hallway at the sound of Caro's annoyed tone. He had a few choice things to say to her, but Mattie had smacked him upside the head the last time he had called Caro bossy and mean. Okay, maybe he had deserved it, but still. It galled something fierce to be told by his little brother that he had gotten mean in the black.

"What now, Caro? Ain't ya got anything better to do? How come you ain't gettin' ready for school or nothing?" he asked, leaning against the wall.

Caro blinked at him. She was wearing white scrubs and comfortable shoes, her hair tied back and out of her face. "I just got back home, Jayne. School's out at three, don't you remember?" She watched Jayne shrug negligently and sighed.

"Look, didja want something? Ma asked me to chop wood out back."

"What are you going to do about River?" she asked, point blank.

Now it was Jayne's turn to blink in surprise. "What?"

"Did you honestly think we would handle that?"

"Handle what? What are you talking about? And I thought she was the _feng le_ one. Does Mattie know you get like that?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Jayne, I am not going to repeat myself. So you listen. You brought River here to marry Mattie. You didn't _once_ even think about how he would've handled her, did you? Not once. Didn't stop to think that maybe, just maybe, we don't know how to deal with anything like this."

"Deal with _what?_ What are you talking about?"

She looked at him in shock. He honestly didn't know what she was talking about. He honestly didn't understand. Caro rubbed the side of her face tiredly. "You saw the way she took down Jonas Hunter yesterday."

"Yeah. Did a right good job. Cleaner'n I would've done."

"That's the point!" Caro cried. She pointed at his chest. "She took down a man three times her size in a minute. None of us are fighters, none of us shoot, we never been to the black. And you expected us to be able to handle that kind of thing, know what to do. You expected us to just _know_ what to do, and you weren't even gonna tell us. Did you plan on telling us about her medicine? Or were we supposed to figure that one out on our own after it ran out? Did you plan on explaining just what she could do? Or what those people did? What in the _gorram_ hell did you think would happen?"

"She needs kin, Caro. Nobody else had kin to tie her to but me. So before you get ready to skewer me, you think on that."

She laughed bitterly. "As if you're the only one who could sacrifice? As if you're the only good man in the entire 'verse."

"I ain't talking about this with you."

Caro stopped him from walking away. "You don't know anything about me 'cause Mattie doesn't like talking about personal things. But here it is. I grew up on Persephone, my brother raising me 'cause our parents died out in the shipyards. There was no money, _nothing._ Okay? Don't go thinking I'm some fancy Core girl that don't know how it is. I _worked_ at everything I have. I bent over backwards, taking out loans, doing scholarships. He's got the store and his family to mind, he didn't need me. I got sent here to work off the rest of my debt, and I left my brother behind, _dong ma?"_

"Look, what's this–"

"Let me finish!" Caro hissed. "You weren't here when your Uncle Vernon died. You weren't here when Rich and Harry and Sarah went offworld. You weren't here when things went south in town and the school got moved farther out. You weren't here. Yeah, you had your reasons. But this family became _my_ family. Their problems became _my_ problems. We been together a long time before we got engaged. You have no idea what's been goin' on here, and you have no idea what we're capable of doing. Don't you come in and think it's all going to be like sixteen years ago and nothing changed. Don't you think we can do this. Just _don't."_

"You done?" Jayne snapped.

Her lips were pressed tight together. He could remember his mother doing that when he was little, after breaking windows or coming in covered in mud.

"You even listen?"

"I hear ya. I _know_ all that."

"You don't look like you do. We ain't fighters, Jayne." Caro ran a hand though her hair and sighed noisily. "I like her, she's a sweet girl. But how are we supposed to handle the fighter?"

Jayne had never thought River would be misplaced here. He had never thought it was going to be difficult for her to integrate into his family. He had always thought she would slide easily into his family tree and sit there, hiding from the Alliance.

"She's not crazy batshit insane," Jayne replied. "She ain't quite right, maybe, but she ain't so soft in the head she don't know what she's doing. This is enough to keep it back."

"And then when it's not? People get worse, not better. You don't get rid of psychosis easy, Jayne. It gets worse over time."

"This ain't no brain disease. They cut her up, they did this. It's not the same. That's why the Doc had so much problems gettin' it right."

Caro gave a bark of laughter. "He's giving her antipsychotics, Jayne. You tell me what that's supposed to mean? You tell me if you think you know medicines."

Jayne saw Mattie leaving the den and simply shook his head. "I ain't never said I was smart. I never said I know what I'm doin'. But she's not dangerous, and there's nothing wrong with this. She needs a place to hide a spell. I'm startin' to be sorry I thought it was here."

Jayne stalked off, and didn't even greet Mattie. He looked at Caro questioningly; usually, by the time he was done going through the day's mail and journal updates on the Cortex, Caro was out of her scrubs and in comfortable home clothes. "Caro?"

"Nothing, Mattie. Just tired, is all."

Mattie watched her walk off, and shrugged. He went to the kitchen for a glass of water.

River leaned back from the stairway railing and went back upstairs. She had heard enough.

***

Mal caught a servant by the arm. "What's going on in there?"

"I have to hurry," the servant replied instead, trying to shut the door behind her.

Mal could see four people around Regan, who apparently had collapsed to the floor of her sitting room. Gabriel was there, looking furious, dialing a wave number. "I'm going to _kill_ her father if she stops breathing," Gabriel hissed to someone.

That didn't make much sense to Mal at all. He let the servant think she had waved him off, but he opened the door and made his way inside.

The face on the wave screen talking to Gabriel wasn't familiar, but it still carried a sense of wrong. Mal had seen faces like that before, the slick smiles and assurances that everything would go just fine, even as the knife buried itself in his back. Mal knew that kind of man, knew that it meant nothing good. Even Gabriel Tam didn't give off the same sense.

"It's all right, Gabriel. She didn't stop breathing... It must have been an overdose. All will be well, I assure you. I'll even send my own personal physicians..."

"No. None of your bullshit! _Ni juede wo hen ben ma?_ You've nearly killed her with this concoction of yours, and she was never even psychotic!"

The look on the man's face would've sent Mal diving for a gun. It was dangerous, the look of a man who was deciding the best way to kill someone painfully. He could give Niska a run for his money, and that was saying something.

"Don't say something you'll regret, Gabriel."

"Don't you threaten me. You needed me."

"And that need is done."

Gabriel Tam seemed to deflate somewhat, but it didn't stop him from blustering. "Yes, you do, and you'd best realize that."

"You will be the one doing the realizing," the man in the wave machine replied. It winked off before Gabriel could reply, and he kicked it over. The screen shattered, sending glass shards everywhere. The servants scuttled about to clean it up as well as rouse their mistress, but that only seemed to irritate Gabriel even more.

"Out! Get out! All of you!" he raged.

The servants scurried out, and Gabriel stopped when he saw Mal inside the doorway.

"You'll get a heart attack again," Mal said calmly.

"What're you doing here? You don't belong here."

"I heard yelling. Thought you might've needed some help," Mal hedged. "Do you?"

"Just get out. I can take care of this."

Instead of listening, Mal crossed over to Regan. She was sprawled across the floor, barely even breathing. He tilted her chin back slightly and checked her mouth. He tuned out Gabriel's ineffectual sputtering, and focused on Regan. He opened her eyes, found them pinpoint small and sluggish to respond to light. _"Tama de!"_ he hissed under his breath.

"What?" Gabriel asked, voice hushed. "What is it? What's wrong with her?"

"She's overdosed on an opiate." Mal looked up at Gabriel. "What in the _gorram_ hell have you been feeding her? A bottle of pills?"

"She has the tonics her doctor prescribed, everything from her family..."

"It's going to kill her like this," Mal muttered, turning back to look at her. He could see where River's bone structure came from. Maybe some of her madness came from here, too, though all the blame could be laid squarely on the Alliance's shoulders for that. "She's gonna have to get an antidote to reverse it."

"How do you know that?"

"Seen enough of it in the war, taking too much pain meds." Mal picked up Regan, and was surprised to see that she was painfully thin and light to carry. "She hardly weighs anything. Has she been eating at all?"

"I don't know. She seemed fine when I got back. Everything was fine."

Mal took pity on the man; he didn't know how to deal with a situation like this. Gabriel Tam could not function in war, and there was something brewing in his own house.

"Let's go see if Simon's bag has something."

They went to Simon's room and Mal kicked open the door. The room was immaculate, and the doctor's bag was placed prominently on the desk. He laid Regan down on the bed and rifled through the bag. "Do you know how much she might've had?"

"No. I... The medications... I don't know what they do..."

Mal swore softly under his breath and found the vial. "Then we'll just have to guess."

Gabriel sagged down on the bed next to Regan and let Mal get to work.

***

Victoria was sitting next to the shed, shredding a flowering weed she had pulled out of the ground. Jayne nearly turned around and went back inside the house, Vera's chores be damned. But she looked like she'd been crying, and Caro's words were too fresh in his ears.

He sat down next to her. Startled, she looked up at him. "You gonna yell at me, too?"

"What'd they yell at you for?"

She shrugged. "Not bein' like them, I guess."

"Oh." Jayne looked at the sullen teenager uncomfortably. He didn't know how to deal with little girls. Oh, they needed protecting and all, but she was still something of a child, he didn't know how to deal with little kids. He wasn't a fatherly type, and had never been around kids. He pulled up another weed for lack of anything better to say and started shredding it.

"Why are you doing that?"

"Seemed like a good idea," Jayne responded. She was wearing a calico dress and white socks, all of which had grass stains in them now. "You shoulda worn something not so nice to sit in dirt. I don't think that's gonna come out now."

"Don't care. I have more."

"I guess you do."

There was uncomfortable silence, and Jayne stopped shredding the weed to look at Victoria. This was his niece, _gorram_ it. She was _blood._ "You look like your Mama," he said, his voice suddenly thick with emotion.

She looked up, startled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Jayne nodded. He blinked. "Jared too, in the nose and mouth. But you got Tina's eyes for sure." He smiled at her suddenly. "Prob'ly are wild like them, ain'tcha?"

Victoria blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Tina was always playin' with me and Charlie and Jared and Mike. Well, they're all dead now," Jayne looked down at the dying weed in his hand and tossed it aside. "She climbed trees better'n most. She said it was 'cause she was light and we weren't."

Victoria swallowed nervously. She hadn't wanted to listen before, when Vera had the picture books and old vids of the family. She hadn't been ready to cross that line. "You loved her."

"Damn straight. My baby sister, my responsibility."

Her head tilted to the side, Victoria tossed aside the weed and scooted closer to Jayne. "Nobody tells me anything about her. They keep tellin' me I'm a Cobb and to get over it and all, nobody talks _to_ me, just at me. Vi holds up better under that. She always gets that."

On impulse, Jayne slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close to lean against his chest. Strangely enough, she didn't resist. "I wasn't always a good sort. Jonas wasn't too off on that. But you're my _mei mei_'s baby, eh? I suppose I gotta start being good."

"Tell me about her? What she's like?" Her voice was fragile, even to her own ears, and she wanted to cringe in shame.

Jayne didn't seem to notice. He sighed. "Ah... Where to start? She was a pain from the start. She always tagged along, 'till she started thinking maybe she should be girly and dance and play music and let Ma brush her hair and things. She was the only girl, you know. Cobbs is mostly boys, so's a girl is rare. I think Tanners are mostly girls. Just funny how it works sometimes."

"There's gonna be so many cousins."

Jayne could hear the fear in her voice, and pulled her in closer. "I've been gone so long, I don't think I'll know anybody. But there's no stopping Ma in a party mode. Someone's always gotta be the party planner, and she's it. She just... I dunno. It's her way."

Victoria's eyes felt like they were burning with unshed tears. "I know you hate him, but I miss my Daddy. I miss my house."

He forced himself to breathe evenly. "I can't forgive what he did. I can't."

She sniffled. "He was my Daddy. He made me feel special. Now what am I?"

Jayne smiled and leaned his head down over hers. He threaded his hands through her honey-gold hair, almost as if he was petting her. "My niece. My family. Don't matter if your Daddy acted like a piece of _go se_ on occasion. You're my _mei mei_'s girl. I'll take care of you best I can while I'm here. Anyone yell at you, send 'em to me."

Victoria laughed. "How about Vi?"

"What about 'er? I hardly even seen her."

"She hides in rooms and books and things. I protect her."

"Well, I'll do that too. She's my other niece."

It was comfortable, curled up against Jayne. He smelled like leather and dirt, sweat and smoke. It was almost like being in the Hunter stables, currying horses before bedding them down. It felt familiar, safe. Victoria could feel Viola approach them, but didn't move.

"Vicky?"

"Wanna sit?" Jayne offered and Victoria shifted slightly against him. He watched Viola sit daintily down, worrying the edge of her skirt between her hands.

"Vi?"

"I don't feel so good."

"What's goin' on?" Jayne asked. He gave Victoria a gentle push so he could untangle himself and feel Viola's forehead. He had seen Vera do it a thousand times with all of his sickly little brothers, but Viola's head felt fine. No lumps or bumps, though it did seem a touch sweaty. He started to worry. "What don't feel right?"

"I don't know. I don't feel sick, but I just feel like I wanna be."

"Caro after you, too?" Jayne guessed.

Viola blinked and shook her head. "No."

Victoria ducked her head softly. "I'm sorry... I've been panicky again."

Jayne watched the two sisters huddle together, their arms around each other. Panic?

"What makes it bad?"

"I don't know," Victoria mumbled, shrugging. "I'm the only one that gets them."

"But I'm the one that gets sick to her stomach when nervous," Viola added.

Things clicked for Jayne. "This is because of the family reunion on Friday." Both twins stared at him. "If it makes you feel any better, I ain't looking forward to it neither."

"Why?" Viola asked, curious. She pulled away slightly from her sister to readjust her glasses, which had been knocked askew.

Jayne shrugged. "Half the people there, I don't know. Other half will expect me to be some big shot coming back from the black." He shot them a nervous smile. "You got it easy. You just gotta smile and play nice, and they'll love you. Everyone loved Tina. She was great, everyone's favorite cousin. They'll love to meet you, tell you all about her. That makes things a ton easy. I gotta explain why I haven't done good."

They blinked. "We hadn't thought of that," Victoria admitted.

"Why do I feel like we're going to be trotted out like show ponies?" Viola asked.

"It's not so bad," Jayne assured them. "Last one I been to, there was loads of food and games and music and such. It'll be here, too, so you don't got to travel so far. Not like you have to go to Ogden or Yarsdown."

"I'd almost rather," Viola admitted. "At least I know I wouldn't see them again."

"Still might not," Jayne replied with a shrug. "Hell, there's family I don't think I ever met."

"How do you deal with a big family?" Viola asked.

"Ignore half of 'em, mostly," Jayne answered honestly. "Lots of noise and _go se_ and whatnot to deal with. Sometimes it's easy to just cut out for a while and come back when it's easy to deal with." Jayne paused. "I probably shouldn't swear in front of you. Tina would kick my ass if she was here to hear me."

The twins both giggled. "It's all right. You don't treat us like we're stupid and two."

"So what's with you and River?" Viola asked, looking up.

Jayne's eyes widened with surprise then narrowed slightly. "What're you up to?"

Viola shook her head, golden hair flying. Victoria only grinned at them both. "You look out for her, you take her to the doctor, you keep looking at her... And she says you're not together. But you look like you are. So which is it?"

Jayne snorted and pulled a face. "We're not. Nobody knows what she's on, is all."

"I think you look good together," Victoria sing-songed.

Tag-teamed by his own nieces. Still, it was a warm fuzzy feeling to see them smiling at him, like he wasn't as horrible as he had always believed himself to be. He had always danced around his memories, as if they were glass baubles ready to break if he thought about them too much. All that wasted time...

Well, he had a lot to make up for now.

***

"I do believe we've landed, Mr. Merchant."

"Thank you, Mr. Grace."

The shuttle door opened, and light flooded the compartment. Eyes narrowed, the two men looked at each other, lips pressed tight. They straightened their ties and stood. Blue gloves in place, they left the shuttle.

The Tam estate awaited.

***  
***


	20. Reminders

Inara had gone into the house first, cloak billowing out behind her. Simon had said that he wanted to show Kaylee some of the other areas on the grounds while it was still a nice day. Rain was supposed to fall the next day, and she had merely smiled at them. "Of course. Spend time together. That's so important."

"I want to show you something," Simon said, pushing his wheelchair a bit awkwardly. _You'd think after hundreds of years, these things would be easier to navigate..._ he thought. Kaylee walked next to him, her gaze skipping all around the grounds of the Tam estate. "I never really gave all this much thought when I was younger. I don't think I appreciated it well enough before, since I was always at school."

"Well, you were busy doin' all sorts of important things."

"It doesn't feel like it now," Simon murmured, looking up at Kaylee. "I think I never really had a chance to stop and think about things. I was too busy _doing,_ I never had a chance to figure out why I was so busy doing it."

"You think you're responsible for everybody," Kaylee replied, smiling at him. "So you don't know how to take bein' helped so much. It's okay to let go now and again."

"I'm learning," Simon said wryly. "Not like I have much choice now."

"You always got a choice," Kaylee replied.

"Even now?"

"'Specially now."

Simon looked over at Kaylee and took in her smile. "What are you thinking?"

"You know, there's a lot of trees back here. Makes it real private-like."

"It is private. It's the separation between the pool and cabana and the rest of the house."

Kaylee grinned at Simon's confusion. Her _shuai_ boy sure did think along very literal lines sometimes, so he was constantly getting surprised by her. "I don't think anyone could see us from the house anymore."

"No. They're not supposed to."

"Really?"

"Mother didn't like the idea of anyone seeing her swim. Father said she had always been shy about things like that."

"Well, I'm thinking we could use some relaxing time," Kaylee declared. She seized control of the wheelchair and wheeled Simon over to the pool area. "You can sit back and relax a bit while the weather's so nice today."

"Kaylee, I can wheel myself..."

"I know. I just like doin' this."

Simon sat back and looked up at the sky. It really was a brilliant shade of blue, clear and beautiful. He had never really appreciated days like this before. He was always studying, always moving around from one library to another. He had only paid attention to the rainy days, since he would need an umbrella and waterproof jacket.

Kaylee grinned at him and helped him onto one of the lounges near the pool. The water sparkled in the slanting sunlight, and Simon realized that he hadn't appreciated this, either. He really hadn't taken the time to appreciate all that he had until it was gone, and he hadn't even thought of the simple pleasures that had been available to him. He had been so focused on his studies, on being a doctor to please his father. He had never really stopped to consider himself before. Being a doctor had made him happy, but he had barely seen anything outside of the OR before he had left Capital City to rescue River. He hadn't seen the museums or plays or operas, hadn't seen the parks or zoo or shopping district. He hadn't used the free time to do anything but read up on the latest journals and surgical techniques. He had been so focused, so driven. Then he had focused his attention to River and her illness...

"Thank you," he murmured, looking over the pool's glittery surface.

"Yeah? What for?"

"For making me stop and _look_ at what's around me." He turned to Kaylee with a smile. "I don't think I've ever really done that. I've always been working so hard, always trying to be the best. I didn't stop to appreciate what I had."

"Do you now?" she asked, voice gentle. She leaned forward from where she was sitting on the lounge chair beside him. She could reach out and touch his face, touch anything.

"I think so," he replied with a wider smile. "I see you."

Her smile matched his, and she moved over to perch at the edge of his lounge. She laughed at his startled expression. "You think you do."

"So what am I missing?"

"This," she murmured, leaning down to kiss him.

Simon's mouth opened under hers, and Kaylee's tongue dipped down into his mouth. She traced the edges of his teeth, the inside of his lips and the sides of his tongue. He tasted like chocolate and mint, two flavors Kaylee loved. She only loved strawberries and the smell of a sleepy Simon in her bed even more.

Kaylee pulled back and grinned at him. "Think you need more remindin'?"

"Oh definitely. I may be top three percent, but I like studying," he replied, catching on.

Her hands threaded through his hair as she bent down for another kiss. Their tongues tangled in their mouths, and Simon pulled her as close as his awkward gestures allowed. He felt almost like a teenager again, when his growth spurt made his body feel strange and gangling and not at all like his own. His teenage years had been awkward, fumbling around with a girl his parents had introduced him to in the box seat at the opera. She had known what to do, had shown him where to touch her. He couldn't remember her name now, but she had been the first to teach him of what sex was really like.

Kaylee was the first to teach him of love.

_"Wo ai ni,"_ he whispered as Kaylee moved down to kiss the line of his jaw.

"My _shuai_ boy, you got no idea how good you got it," Kaylee teased, grinning against his jawline. She kissed her way up to his ear, and nibbled on the lobe. She laughed at his gasp, and tugged on it gently with her teeth. "I'm gonna show you," she promised.

"Please," Simon murmured. He tried to touch her gently, to run his hand along her back the way he used to. He wanted to feel her, touch her, make her scream his name in that way she had. It was absolute torture, to feel everything again and not be able to make his body move the way he wanted it to.

"Let me," Kaylee said, moving his arms carefully. "I'm gonna show you," she repeated. She eyed him in that way she had that gave him pause. She was serious, he knew. "No moving, Simon. I mean it."

"All right," he said with a sigh. "I'll try."

"Smart boy like you? I think you can."

She draped herself across his body, and he could feel every inch of her. _Yes,_ his mind sang, _I can feel you again..._

She kissed him again, hot and sweet, hands holding his face still beneath hers. She moved her hands to brace herself better as she moved to kiss his nose, his cheeks, his jaw and then his ears again. At the same time, his lips roamed her face, kissing whatever was in reach. His tongue traced the edges of her cheeks, her nose and her lips. His tongue ran down the outer rim of her ear when she bent to kiss his jaw, sending shivers down her spine. His tongue licked its way down the column of her neck as she sucked on his ear.

When she couldn't take it anymore, Kaylee pulled up and tried to glare at him. "You're not supposed to move, Simon."

_"Duìbùqî,"_ Simon murmured. He grinned at her, not looking sorry at all.

"Humph. I'll teach ya," Kaylee said, grinning. She moved down to kiss his neck, her hands moving down to pull up his shirt. Simon made sure to keep his arms at his sides even though he ached to hold her tight against him.

Kaylee bent her head down over his bared body. "Lookit all this muscle," she said, her breath ghosting over his skin. "Looks real nice from here."

"Oh," Simon moaned as she began to kiss his chest. Her hands trailed down his sides, a feather light touch that sent his mind reeling. Her hands were followed by her mouth, wet kisses marking his skin. He was on fire, and his pants were much too tight.

And then she undid his pants, pulling the front open.

"Kaylee," he moaned, his voice breaking.

"Hush up, I'm not done with you yet," she said, her voice light and teasing.

_Wo Tian,_ she was going to break him.

There was a soft mewling sound from deep in Simon's throat as she freed his erection and adjusted his clothing. He hadn't felt her touch him like this in what felt like forever. The reality of it made his dreams pale in comparison. There was no imagining this, nothing better than the real thing, nothing better than her touch against his skin.

She ran her tongue along the length of his cock, tasting the precome. She ran her lips around the ridges beneath the edge of the head, then the slit at its very tip. Simon couldn't do much more than make an incoherent moan. Then she had tortured him, moving back up to kiss her way up his belly. "Kaylee," Simon had moaned. "Please, _bao bei,_ please. I'll die if you don't finish, I feel like I'm burning up..."

She laughed against his belly, then dipped her tongue into his navel. "Oh Simon, we got _hours_ yet before we gotta go back in."

Dear God, she wanted _hours._ Simon was going to die a happy man indeed.

Kaylee moved her hand over his cock in reply, stroking gently. His breath caught, and then she kissed his belly again. She moved back down, kissing her way back to his cock as her hand moved oh so slowly. Then agonizingly slowly, she bypassed his erection and moved even lower. She kissed his balls, taking them into her mouth and sucking on them gently, just the lightest bit of traction. Simon was making incoherent gasping sounds, head lolling back.

He nearly leapt off of the lounge when Kaylee took him into her mouth. "Oh... Oh Kaylee..."

She sucked on the head, her tongue finding all the sensitive spots. It felt like a long time since she had done this, tucked away in her bunk on Serenity. She shifted her position slightly so that the head of his cock rubbed against the ridged part of her palate, sliding back and forth. Simon was beyond speech, moaning incoherently. It sounded like her name, like a prayer to God for mercy he had forgotten how to receive.

_Oh Simon..._ Kaylee thought fondly, cupping his balls in her hand and gently kneading them. _You're so much more than you think you are._

When he came in her mouth, she swallowed his come. Simon whimpered as she tucked everything back into place and settled on the lounge next to him. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck and allowed him to hold her tight.

"I love you," she whispered against his erratic pulse.

"I love you, Kaylee. Just remember that in case I say something stupid again."

She laughed and snuggled deeper into his embrace. "I will."

Simon closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her. Kaylee was altogether too good for him, and he didn't know what he had done to deserve. But no matter what, he promised himself to be worthy of that love.

***

Vera went outside, waving at the twins, who were playing tag with River. She saw Jayne chopping wood into small enough logs to place into the furnace and smiled. Even away for sixteen years, he still remembered the proper size. She needn't have worried. But Vera was worried about something completely different, and her troubled gaze slid over to River. She was doing somersaults on the grass to keep away from Viola, and Victoria was giggling at her antics. _She's so young to have gone through so much,_ Vera thought.

"Ma, I got one more cord to go through."

"You're faster than Mattie, that's for sure," Vera said with a smile.

"I got more muscle," Jayne replied with a grunt. The axe slammed down on the piece of wood, and it split perfectly in two.

"Caro told me talked to you 'bout River."

Jayne's rhythm faltered, and he glared at his mother. "That so?" He grunted. "Did she now? And what other _le se_ did she want to add?"

"Jayne!" Vera said sharply, getting irritated. "She's a good girl and part of this family! Ever since she came here, she's been working hard to pay back the loans and grants she got for school. It's only her brother over in Persephone, and she had to pick up and go to a new planet with no family for help." Jayne thought of when he first went out to the black and remained silent. "She's taken to our family something fierce, made it her own. She helped care for Vernon when he started to get sick. There was no one else but us takin' care of him, and she did it without complaint. She cares about family."

_And I don't,_ Jayne thought sourly. That was the obvious comparison.

Vera's expression softened at Jayne's angry face. "I don't say it to be mean, Jayne. I say it so you understand why she's upset. This is her family, too. Her home, too. She's worried, too."

Jayne put down the axe and mopped at his brow with his shirt sleeve. "Are you?"

"Somewhat. I take it that was the trainin' she got when they cut open her brain?"

Jayne nodded and Vera winced. "Poor child."

"She's doin' okay now. I wouldn't've brought her here if I didn't think so, trouble or not."

"Has she ever turned on you?"

Jayne thought of the cut across his chest and reluctantly nodded. "Early on, before meds kicked in. Nothin' recent."

"It's frightening enough, truth be told."

Jayne frowned at his mother. "So that's it? Kick her back to the black?"

Vera shook her head. "Of course not."

"Then what?"

"I wouldn't mind having her as kin if she wanted to stay here."

"Well, Mattie's already gettin' married. So she's gotta choose a cousin."

Vera sighed and patted Jayne's arm. "Don't sell yourself short, Jayne."

"What're you talking' 'bout?"

"I got two sons, Jayne, and only one of 'em is about to get married."

With that, Vera left him to continue his chore.

***

Regan shot up in bed, a thousand realities coalescing into a single one. For the moment, the myriad voices in her head fell silent. _And the future has passed without a warning,_ she thought, looking around the room. The wall hangings didn't seem familiar. It wasn't her sitting room, where the nurse had plied her with new pills and tonics that Gabriel had supposedly ordered for her. She knew who had ordered them, but hadn't been able to gracefully refuse them all. The nurse checked for cheeking.

Her eyes fell on Mal and Gabriel. "Oh."

Mal's lips pursed. "I don't suppose you know what's going on?"

Regan touched her head with her hand and frowned slightly. "I can't say," she murmured. _The wires in the walls, the hole in my head..._

"Can't?" Mal said, voice arch with suspicion.

"What's wrong?" Gabriel asked at the same time.

Regan seized upon the simpler question. "I'm so tired. Can't I just sleep for a spell?"

"No."

"Yes."

Regan watched the two men visually battle it out beneath hooded eyes. She knew where she was now, she knew what was happening. It wasn't quite the end of the world yet. That would happen soon enough, since Simon would never cooperate. The Program may not have realized it yet, but he would never give up his family to them. He would never bow down and take it, never let himself be bullied into it. He had grown in the past year, the steel in his spine solidifying into something unshakable.

How could she speak to them without anyone else understanding what she wanted to say? She lifted her eyes to Mal. He was watching her closely, too closely. It was uncomfortable, the weight of those eyes. He knew about secrets, he knew the price to keep them. He understood that sometimes there was no choice, there was nothing to do but move along with the tide that carried everyone forward. "Sometimes there is no choice," Regan whispered. Their eyes locked as his body tightened ever so slightly. "Sometimes there is no battle, no hope, nothing to fall back on but your own two feet and the sky above."

He had said similar words to Zoe when the war was done, when the Independents had lost and the Rim was back under Alliance control. The ground was faulty, only the skies were clear. He hadn't had anything to return to, and Zoe had been set adrift after her mother's death. They had stayed on together after the war. Life was safer that way.

"Is it now?" Mal said softly, still tense. That had been Zoe's line.

Gabriel looked confused. "Regan?"

"Someone pulls the strings and you bend down to obey. It's too difficult to cut them."

Gabriel reached out and touched Regan's arm gently. "Are you all right?"

"Everything feels strange," she replied, looking at Gabriel finally. He wouldn't understand. He didn't see the strings, didn't feel them being pulled. He still thought he moved of his own accord, that he was his own being. He didn't know.

Mal knew. Mal understood that there were larger forces at work, malevolent forces that would kill anyone and anything in its path. He knew the price that was paid for freedom.

"Rest, then. We'll go to your own room and rest."

"Yes. This is a good idea," Regan murmured. Perhaps the moment was lost.

When Mal helped Gabriel bring her to her feet, he gave her hand a momentary squeeze. She looked up at him, startled. His face was impassive, but there was a deep pain in his eyes. He knew something had happened, but couldn't tell what. As far as he knew, he had just helped avert an intentional overdose by an Alliance set to kill her.

Maybe they were.

***

River was teaching Viola and Victoria the finer points of jacks, just as Kaylee had once taught her in Serenity's cargo bay. They laughed along with her when they couldn't get it right at first, when they didn't seem to get the point of the game.

_Someone likes me for who I am, appreciates me as I am,_ River thought distractedly as she began twos. _Someone can handle me._

"I think he likes you," Victoria murmured, picking up twos.

"He says no, but I think he does," Viola added, picking up her set of twos.

"He appreciates the fighter's skills he has seen. He can appreciate the clean blow."

The twins looked at each other, eyebrows raised. "You can fight?" Victoria asked, voice hushed.

"I wanted to ask about that lock you had Daddy in," Viola added. "I mean... Uncle Jonas."

River looked at them closely. "You do?"

They nodded earnestly. "Everyone always thinks we're dumb and fragile. What if they think we're fair game to grab?" Victoria said, eyes wide.

"Self defense would be a good thing to know. Daddy always said we were gonna be protected by his men, but if they ain't around, we should still know what to do," Viola said.

River began threes as she took in how they looked. Yes, they were absolutely right. Girls were supposed to be fragile things, things to be protected. But they should know how to fight, how to defend themselves against attack. Good protectors wouldn't always be there.

"Yes. That is a very good point," River said, nodding. She watched Victoria take her turn, then Viola. "But dresses like yours aren't very good for fighting in."

"You were in a dress the other day," Viola pointed out.

"Your dresses have layers and frilly things beneath them," River countered. "You need something to flow with you, not restrict you. You need to be able to move quickly, before the element of surprise is lost and your opponent realizes how strong you are."

The twins looked at her with rapt expressions, the jacks game forgotten. "Really?"

"Really." River began fours. "I will begin with your wardrobe tomorrow morning, then. We will have to make sure it's appropriate."

The twins grinned at River, pleased.

The easy acceptance fell over River's mind, cooling some of her worry. Not everyone was afraid of her. Not everyone thought she was strange and unmanageable.

It was a feeling she wasn't used to, but one she found she liked. River smiled at the twins. She found them to be amusing in all sorts of ways, the friends she would have liked to have had at the University of Osiris. If only...

No. Useless to go back and wish. Useless to wonder how the 'verse would be if rewritten. It was best to go forth from where she was and continue.

But knowing she had friends now was a wonderfully warm and fuzzy feeling. She grinned at their amazed faces when she began fives.

***

Mr. Grace and Mr. Merchant left the main office of Tam and Associates. Gabriel Tam had been ill, the secretary explained. He was still convalescing. His son had also been severely ill, as Gabriel had arranged for home physical therapy and medications.

The secretary had been useless. Outside of the office, Mr. Grace turned to Mr. Merchant. "He really ought to hire better help."

Mr. Merchant replaced a cylindrical object into his pocket. "He will have to, now."

"Still, it was quite useful to know that they are all safely at home, with nothing to do outside its walls for some time."

"Oh yes. Quite useful."

***

Regan left a small book with Zoe's things, where the servants would never touch but where Zoe could see. She knew about Tellers and Readers, secrets, pain and choices. Zoe would understand even if maybe Regan couldn't. Regan hadn't seen much of the 'verse, but Zoe had seen it all. She had been in a war, and she knew strategy.

Zoe would know what to do.

***   
***


	21. Coming Closer

Jayne heard the sound of giggling late at night from the girls' room. It sounded almost like Christina's room back when she had her girlfriends visit for sleepovers. He found himself smiling; remembering Christina didn't hurt anymore. The door opened, and River rushed out. She was looking behind her, giggling, and crashed bodily into Jayne. They stumbled a bit, arms tangled up together as they fought for balance. River righted them, finally, and she grinned up at him with her most brilliant smile. _"Ni meí shì bà?_ I did not hurt you?"

"Takes more'n a bump to hurt me," Jayne replied, chest puffing up slightly with pride.

That brilliant smile remained on her face, and Jayne blinked. He almost missed her soft "Yes," but saw the slight slip in her expression. His hand was resting on her arm, and he could feel the bicep muscle beneath the skin. He was almost caressing her arm without realizing it, and merely looked down at her. River's eyes were large, almost deep enough to drown in.

And then the moment passed, a footfall coming closer snapping them out of the trance.

"I heard a crash," Viola said from the doorway uncertainly.

"I did not think to check where I was running," River replied with a laugh. "I almost fell."

"I caught her," Jayne added helpfully.

"You most certainly did not," River corrected, looking back at him. "I straightened you."

"Hey now, I'm bigger. It was the other way 'round."

"Sometimes the teacher may be taught," River replied, her lips curving into a slight smile. Jayne would have flushed with embarrassment if he was the type, but he wasn't. His fingers dug slightly deeper into River's arm, enough for him to feel the strength in the lithe muscle.

"You think so?"

River nodded. "There is not a soul that could not benefit from further learning."

Jayne's body reacted instantly, and he abruptly dropped her arm in response. He could still remember the way River had felt pressed up against him when he had curled around her in the High Key. _You are a good teacher,_ she had said. _Wo Tian,_ that night was going to be the death of him.

"Never did like schooling," Jayne muttered. He shoved his hands into his pockets and avoided River's eyes. "I ain't the type."

"You won't allow yourself to be. If you started all over..."

"Nope. I'm good. Say g'night to Vicky."

"I will," Viola murmured, somewhat mystified. She watched Jayne rush into his room and shut the door forcefully. She looked at River. "What did I just miss?"

"I am not completely sure," River murmured.

"You were gonna get one of your dresses?" Viola asked helpfully when River didn't move.

"Of course," River said with a smile. "I'll be right back."

Viola looked at River thoughtfully as she disappeared into her room. "Not together my ass," Viola muttered, going back into her room.

***

"Will you be there when I need you?" Regan murmured against the glass of her bedroom window.

"Regan?" Gabriel asked, not hearing what she had said. He was sitting up in bed, reading a book from the library downstairs. He was trying to take it easy, trying to let things go. He had to take care of his heart now.

Regan turned from the window, eyes soft and liquid. "Maybe I can make things clearer to them when the message isn't clouded by words."

"What are you talking about?" Gabriel said with a frown, putting the book down. He had read it a dozen times already and there was no suspense anymore.

"How does it feel to bleed, to breathe, to let the memories slide up from the skin?"

He got up from bed, brow creased with worry. "You're not taking anything anymore."

"Days track forward, backward, sideways." Regan's lips were set in a thin line. "The water beneath the ocean spills forth in a cresting wave. Blue is death."

"Regan..."

"No medications. No tonics or pills or injections, nothing to dampen down and stop the signal. It cannot be stopped, it cannot be stopped." Regan began wringing her hands in anxiety. "It's too late to start again. This is where we are, this is the road we walk. This is where we begin again, but it is too late to begin. A moment to guide and save, a field afar and too long to go before we may rest and dream this time."

"I think you need to take your medicine."

"Strike. Take your medicine. Strike. Stricken. Struck." Regan's shoulders began to shake. "Anna-banana, slipping beneath the waves, blue taking her down. Strike. Struck. Strick-stick-tick-tock, this is what they do in love of politic."

Gabriel did the only thing he knew would work. He slapped her across the face.

Regan blinked, and her focus seemed to snap back to Gabriel. "They're coming."

"Who? Regan, what's gotten into you? You haven't done this in years."

"There was no need," Regan replied, hands falling to her sides. "I was not allowed to feel, the gates were shut. Now comes the flood, the overflow. There was no stopping the end of the world, no stopping the terrible things they've done. And now they seek to visit us here, defy the rules set down from the beginning."

"You worry me," Gabriel murmured. This wasn't what he had expected.

Regan's gaze slid over his, and Gabriel shivered. It seemed as though the woman he had married was merely a fiction, and the deranged creature in front of him was the real reality.

"They're coming. They will harm, they will hurt. We will bleed." Regan began to move toward the door, but Gabriel caught her arm. "They destroy. They do not ask, they do not tell. They merely destroy, they force, they cause subservience where there is none." Regan gently undid Gabriel's grip, finger by finger. "If I am not there, all will be lost. There will be no Tam legacy, there will be nothing to devour."

"Regan, we need to talk about this."

"After. If not now, after. Cannot be now. Fragments coalesce, and time will end."

"No. Now."

Regan shook her head, stepping back and away from him. "They lied to you about me, about River, about Simon, about everything. My blood is cursed, limited and tainted. They made it so, and seek to continue the pollution."

Gabriel's mouth was beginning to harden into his angry expression. She had seen it many times before, but never recently. She had learned to avoid this expression, the explosion of tone and emotion. Hatred always had left her reeling, had scattered her already fragile sense. Anne hadn't the gift to Read or Tell, and had held up better beneath the tortures of the Program. Regan would have shattered to pieces and taken her life. This was the gentler of the fates, the harder to bear and the worst to endure.

"The Program must be stopped, I see it now. They will tear our home apart."

"Who?"

"My father's men." Regan's lips quivered with sudden fear. _"Wo detain a,"_ she whispered, eyes locking with Gabriel's. "I shouldn't be speaking of this, he hears everything."

Confusion gave way to concern. "Regan...?"

"They will shatter us, all illusions gone. Let me go, I must do this."

"Do what?"

"Break the rules to save us all."

Regan fled the room without a backward glance.

***

"You're too much like her," Vera murmured to Viola as they were in the kitchen cooking. River was at the stove, stirring the food in the pots. She remained silent as Viola went still.

"What?"

"Tina," Vera murmured. She moved to the counter and began chopping various vegetables, seemingly oblivious to Viola's stare. The girl had even stopped kneading the dough for the biscuits. "She was always so much fun. Everyone loved talking to her. I think that's the worst part. When she moved out, she stopped talking to us. Just stopped, no word as to why. We never even knew when she was to be due, can you believe it? Used to believe Jonas when he came on the wave machine to tell us she didn't want to talk no more. I knew something was wrong, but never did do nothing about it. Your grandfather told me to let it lie, Tina was just scared that we'd be mad since she ran off to marry your Papa. She was such a young thing, too."

_My age,_ Viola remembered. She tried to think of how it would be if she were pregnant and alone with someone willing to kill her if he couldn't have her. She couldn't imagine it.

"Sometimes I see you walking and you look just like her," Vera said, voice mournful. Viola couldn't see her face clearly. "You and Vicky both, just like her."

"I'm sorry," Viola said softly, looking down at the dough. She began kneading it again, methodically. Victoria was out back, collecting herbs from the garden. Viola was secretly glad of it, because Victoria wouldn't have taken this conversation half so well. She didn't have the patience or the willingness to tolerate conversations like these.

Vera turned and smiled at her. "Oh, not your fault. Just reminds me, is all. It makes me wonder what would've happened if I listened to my heart and walked over to the Hunter house."

"Jonas would have set the dogs on you," River said, turning from the stove. "He likes doing that, even though his family told him not to."

"Oh, dear."

Viola winced at River's blunt tone. It was true, but that didn't make it any easier to hear.

Victoria entered with the small herb basket. She dropped it onto the counter next to River so that she could drop a leaf or two into the pots.

She blithely ignored the strange feeling in the kitchen and breezed right on through to the parlor room. They could hear her launch into a country reel, which seemed to soften the mood somewhat. River rinsed off the herbs, then placed a few leaves into the pots.

"I'll watch over 'em," Vera said, moving over to the stove with a handful of chopped vegetables. "You go off and do somethin' fun. This part's easy, the other part needed the learnin'."

River smiled at Vera and nodded her head. "Of course. I'll look to the farther fields today."

"Oh, thank you! I was going to hire Rodney Hill from down the street for that."

"I would like the air and the walk," River replied. "I will check on them."

River left their talk behind her. She kicked off her shoes at the end of the porch and began walking toward the fields of wheat and corn. She walked through the rows, toes digging into the dirt. She could feel the earth, could feel the strength beneath her feet. _You won't go, don't let me down, let me in, let me out..._ She trailed her fingers along the edges of the corn stalks, which were getting just high enough to reach the top of her head. It was cool within the hedgerow, the damp earth and calm shadow of late afternoon. She wondered how the rest of the Serenity crew was doing, if they had a similar calm to rest in. She no longer felt the pull of Simon's pain in the recesses of her dreams, no longer felt the anxiety of the others. River had stopped feeling her parents a long time ago, and other than the one dream in the desert, she hadn't dreamt of them in years. She did not think she would begin now.

_Now is your chance. Hedgerow is runway, walkway, hallway. You can_run.

River tamped down on that thought. It was not terrible here, and an impending marriage to a Cobb was not something to run from. But she did feel as though her legs were tight springs, ready to leap into action. Something felt wild and loose within her, an antsy feeling that refused to be reasoned away. _What if they don't like you? What if they don't want you? Your own family doesn't want you back..._

River found herself running through the field as fast as she could, earth flying behind her. Corn leaves whipped past her face, but she paid that no heed. That didn't matter. Nothing did but the release, nothing did but the form. Her traitorous thoughts could tumble down from her lips and lie in the field untilled, wither away beneath the sun. Vera had taken her in, would care for her like her own. Doc Wade had aided her as well. The planet's denizens were filled with generosity of spirit, with a care that she had not seen in some time.

River reached the edge of the field and stopped abruptly. She blinked back tears she didn't know she had cried and leaned over the edge of the split rail fence. She breathed in deeply, trying to calm the sobs that threatened to shake her.

_Now where'd she run off to?_

Jayne's thought, from the barn. He had been mucking out some of the stalls, and was about to start baling the hay when Viola had come looking for River. Something about training before dinner, though Jayne didn't know what Viola was talking about.

_Okay, fine. I'll go find her. Fields, huh? Big ol' place to get lost. You'll have to do whatever it is after dinner, then. Or tomorrow._

She was falling, knees hitting dirt. Eyes closing, River leaned against the rough wood. She needed to breathe. Respiration required oxygen, oxygenation required breathing. In and out. Meditation and relaxation. It would be all right. It would have to be. Otherwise, what was the point to all of this? Broken brain, pasted back together, reshaped into something new. Fragile thing that was girl, frail and delicate object that was heart. If it could not be safe, what was the point? If it could not be sheltered properly, there was no point.

Jayne found her easily. He always did when the Cobb children had run and played hide-and-go-seek in the fields with their cousins. He had learned to look at the ground and the subtle changes in leaf pattern and dirt sprays. He had learned to trust his instinct.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked, voice gruff.

"Resting," River replied, still leaning against the fence. It was striking effort to breathe properly.

"This ain't the place for that."

"On the contrary, this is the perfect place for that. No ghosts or memories drifting toward me, no voices for me to hear. No thoughts of others to think. Perfect empty silence. Plant thoughts are subtle, and I can ignore those. Dead wood doesn't think. So this is good, rather like metal walkways were very good."

Jayne's first instinct was to call it all _go se_ and drag her back toward the house. But there was something in the way she spoke, something soft and fragile. He knelt down in the dirt behind her and touched her shoulder. "River."

She turned toward him, eyes soft and wet. "It is difficult sometimes," she said, voice small. Her hands were still tight around the split rails. "Knowing a thing and feeling a thing, letting the new drift through me. The ghosts of the house comfort me now, but it is still difficult to find refuge there at times."

"This is pretty far out."

"Their voices quiet with distance."

Jayne scratched the back of his neck uncertainly. "I always liked the barn. Close, but not too close. Quiet and dark up in the haymow, and the window looks out over the field. Seems like a world away sometimes."

River let go of the fence and buried her hands in her lap. "It is silly to be worried, I suppose."

"About what?"

"Impending marriage to an unknown entity."

Jayne blinked. "That got you riled?"

"Among other things. I cannot think of them daily, even momently." Her hands twisted almost uncertainly in her lap. Jayne resisted the urge to hold them. "But it is still there. The thoughts still lie in wait. Your mother is a good woman to take me in and shelter me, and she is a wonderful soul to care." River looked up at the darkening sky. Caro and Mattie would be back from school soon, and the quiet would be broken by the sputtering mule.

"You wish your own mother did."

River's startled eyes locked to Jayne's. "Yes. Sometimes I do."

He grasped her hands. "Come on. Can't go changing what isn't. Can't go wishing on what could be. You lose if you do."

Yes, he would know of that. He had lost too much already.

River let herself be pulled to her feet. "The bridges stabilize me," she murmured. "There are times I feel most mortal, most connected. Others, I feel consciousness drift to the stars."

"I don't pretend to know what you're talking 'bout," Jayne muttered. He tucked her hand firmly into his. "But stars is far away, and we're all down here on the ground. That's who you got to be connected to, _dong ma?_ Them stars don't help keep you safe, we do. Don't go getting all moonbrained again. That don't help none."

"Sometimes they feel safer," River whispered, voice small even to her own ears.

Jayne stopped and turned to face River. "You said I ground you?" He waited until she nodded, eyes large and luminous in the fading light. There was the faint sound of a motor running. "Then let me do it, huh? You got to be here all the way, all the time. It's the only way any of this is gonna work."

River traced the route her knife had once taken across his chest. "Sometimes my fear gets the better of me, despite my efforts to calm."

Jayne caught her other hand in his. _Wo Tian,_ his body was being traitorous. "Just calm," he said, voice rough.

"Teach me?"

He remembered her soft voice in a darkened room telling him he was a most excellent teacher. He remembered the feel of her skin beneath his fingertips, the scent of her and the taste of her skin just above her pulse point. Oh, he was a bad, bad man. He was going to the special Hell, heading straight for it in a handbasket. He could almost feel her pressed against his body, she was that close. He could feel the heat of her beneath his hands, could feel the weight of her innocence. He was headed for that special Hell, all right.

"You know already," Jayne muttered, dropping her hands. "Follow me back."

River touched his shoulder as he turned. "Will I like your family?"

"What?"

"The reunion is in two days. Will I like your family?"

"I told ya that you'd like my Ma, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. She is wonderful. Will your family be the same way?"

He thought of the riot of cousins he had known. They would be different, but they would still be kith and kin. Jayne found himself nodding. "They're good folk."

She touched his face gently. "You're good, too."

"No, I ain't. I don't know how to help you. Tell me what to do. How can I help?"

River could hear the plaintive note in Jayne's voice. He was trying to do right, trying to make up for the wrongs he had done her before. But at the same time, this need was pulling at him. He had never had need of a conscience before. He had always thought of himself as a failure, as a murderer. They didn't need souls, didn't need hearts.

Her hand moved so that she traced the edge of his lips with a finger. "I need balance. I am off balance, falling. I have no center."

"I don't know how to be no center."

"I know," River murmured. "You believe you have no center, no draw."

"Listen, we ought to go back. Sun's goin' down."

"Sunset. Antepenultimate. Twilight. Dreamtime."

"See? That _le se_ right there? Keep doin' that and you feel off your rocker." Jayne caught her hand at his face and turned to leave the field. "Let's go on back now. You can be crazy some other day, all right?"

River let herself be pulled along. He might not have believed he could do right, but he had just done her a world of good.

***

Regan swept down the central staircase. Simon was with the physical therapist, swearing up a storm. Kaylee was out back with Inara, going through the Cortex for dress ideas and decorations for a wedding. Mal and Zoe were in the front parlor, talking in low voices about what to do once Simon was back to walking and doctoring.

_Here we are. Lovely home. I do hope the ailing doctor is in._

She stilled on the stair, foot hovering over space. Now, then. This was it. Time to start moving, time to take the first step. Time to continue, change position and alert the higher circles that she was no longer a pliant pawn to the Project.

They would be angry. They would be so very angry.

_The others are of no consequence._

Not true. Very not true. The others were going to be part of the revelation, the protectors of the dark secrets hiding behind her.

The front door opened as Regan's foot dropped to the stair.

Two men entered, wearing black tailored suits and bland faces. Their eyes scanned the entryway, and they moved toward the front parlor. Simon had spent most of his time there, and they were expecting him to be the one to know River's location.

Fools. He didn't know anything. He had never known anything of this.

Regan continued down the stair, faster now.

"Who're you?" Mal asked. He very likely had a gun out at the two men.

"Malcolm Reynolds," one of them said. Grace.

"What?"

"Most unfortunate to meet you under these circumstances," Mr. Merchant added. "Our employer was most adamant you were to remain uninvolved."

"You have done much damage already," Mr. Grace said.

They both took slim metal wands from their suit pockets.

"We only wish to speak with a member of your crew about our lost cargo."

"Get out of my home," Regan hissed from the doorway. There was a crackle of power around her, a sense of it bleeding into her voice.

The two men turned around, eyebrows raised. "You will not interfere," Mr. Grace said.

"You expressly disobeyed the ruling. You are forbidden to enter my home," Regan snapped. Her jaw was tight with barely checked fury. "There are _rules,_ and even you must abide by them. My home is my haven, my sanctuary, and it was set down by Danvers himself." Her fists were clenched at her sides.

"The rules have been altered."

"Not in that way," Regan replied, bristling. She stared down the both of them, eyes clear for the first time since Mal had first met her.

The two men put the wands away. Mal wondered what the blue gloves signified.

"Your father will be notified."

"Don't bother. I'll do it myself. Your invasion won't go unpunished."

Their expressions did not change, though Mr. Merchant's lower eyelid twitched once. "There is no need for this," he said quietly, inclining his head slightly. "We only require a piece of information from the young master."

"You were not to set foot onto this _planet,_ let alone the estate." Regan stepped forward, eyes crackling. "It was _ordered_ that your search be elsewhere, and it was _determined_ that this be my sanctuary. You were not to spark that anger, you were not to visit, and you were _not_ to visit my son!"

Mr. Grace sidled past her, out of the front parlor. "Quite."

Mr. Merchant bowed his head slightly. "The next generation will have to do, then."

"He will be informed of your transgression."

"This is not necessary."

Regan's eyes narrowed. Zoe thought even she might crack under that kind of gaze, but the two men remained standing. "It is very necessary. You disobeyed the ruling. He will be most displeased by that. He should know that his officers are not worth their rank. We all know what he will do with unworthy officers."

They fled.

Mal waited until the two men left the estate before looking at Regan. He looked her up and down, reassessing her strength. He pursed his lips and nodded slightly. "Huh. I suppose we got to rethink our view of you now."

***   
***


	22. Communications

"Is it just me, or did that not make sense last night?" Zoe asked Mal. They were sitting in the backyard near the pool. It was the most private place on the grounds. Regan's stiff silence and set off alarm bells in them both, and somehow they got the feeling that it wasn't safe to speak about private things while indoors.

"I will admit that there's a goodly amount of things here that don't make sense. That outburst last night? Just one of them."

Mal had also seen Inara look ready to cry while standing in the backyard the night before. She had disappeared back into the house before he could go ask what was wrong.

"So what do we do about this?"

Mal shrugged and looked up at the bright morning sky. "I don't rightly know. Something's not right with these folk. I got the feeling before, but I thought that was just from them being unfeeling Alliance Core folk." He looked back at Zoe, concern on his face. "It was like something nasty is about to happen."

Zoe gave Mal a pointed stare. "Whatever gave you that feeling, sir?"

"Now's the wrong time to get sarcastic on me, Zoe. I don't think those two men last night liked the dressing down they got."

"Think they're coming back?"

"If they do, they won't be alone."

"It's gonna take more than a week to get Simon on his feet and walking like he used to."

"I know. That's what I'm afraid of."

Zoe eyed Mal warily. "What are you thinking?"

He grinned at her. "Don't rightly know yet. But don't you worry. I'll let you know once I got a plan formed."

She sighed. There were going to be explosions, she was sure of it.

***

River couldn't sleep. It wasn't the ghosts; if anything, they would have willingly sung her to sleep since she was now their only friend. _If you can't sleep, won't let us help you sleep, then come on and play with us,_ Charlie's ghost said, laughing.

Vernon's ghost frowned at the boy, making him squirm in the darkness. _Let the woman sleep, Charles. Days are long, remember?_ He nodded at River. Zhè jiàn shì bù zhòng yào.

But suddenly it was a big deal. She couldn't sleep anyway. There was no one else to talk to but the ghosts, and River didn't want to be alone. She kicked off the blanket and followed Charlie down the stairs to the den.

_I would've been a big and strong man if I lived,_ Charlie said proudly. _I would've been just like Jayne._

"You loved him very much," River murmured.

_Well, sure. He's my big brother. We did everything together. We played and climbed trees and ran around and gave Ma and Pa a hard time. It's just what happened._ Charlie shrugged. _It's not his fault I got sick. Ain't nobody's fault, really. It just happens._

River wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. "I get lonely here."

_But you got us. You shouldn't be lonely._

"They don't understand."

_D'you really want them to?_ Charlie slid into the seat next to River. The chill sent a shiver up her spine, but she ignored it. This was what happened when conversing with ghosts, when seeing the afterimages and impressions in objects. _How is them understanding gonna help with anything? You're still the only one that can see us._

River shut her eyes tightly. "I just want to stop being alone."

Charlie threw an arm around her shoulders. _He won't wake up until you tell him. He still thinks it's all his fault. He thinks it's wrong to want something good, and he still thinks he's_ go se. _I don't think that'll change anytime soon._

There were footsteps upstairs. Both Charlie and River looked up when they stopped. The bathroom door closed upstairs.

"He's awake."

_He doesn't see, River. He can't._ The dead boy shrugged.

"He's stubborn, but he'll come around," River murmured. "It was proven he is not as evil as he likes to think he is."

_How much of yourself do you lose waiting?_

River turned, mouth opening to reply, but Charlie was gone.

She leapt from the couch and looked around the room. She had likely phased out of sequence, and could not see them. Or maybe they had all left.

Jayne was coming down the stairs.

River stayed where she was, eyes wide and shining in the dark. Where had they all gone? It wasn't like the ghosts of the house to just abandon her. Was something about to happen?

Jayne came up short, seeing a frightened River standing in the den. The nightshirt she wore was thin, and did nothing to help with the overnight chill. "Whatcha doin' up?"

"Listening to spirits on the wind," River said, voice soft and lost. "They disappeared."

He had gone very still at her words. "Ya mean ghosts? Like when you saw Tina?" He watched River nod, his stomach plummeting to his heels. "So who'd you see?"

"Charlie and Vernon. Vernon asked Charlie not to bother me, to let me sleep. But Charlie and I had a good talk just now..."

Jayne went over to her and took her hand. He pulled her into the kitchen and sat her down at the table. "Here. I know just the thing to help you sleep."

"They're lonely. Nobody remembers them."

He had paused, hand on the refrigerator door. "That so?"

"They don't say so. But I'm the only one to see them. No one else can."

"Humph." He wrenched open the door and grabbed the bottle of milk. "Never had a Reader in the family before."

River traced the wood grain of the kitchen table. Generations had sat here, done the same thing, talked and ate and done homework. "I wasn't the first in my family. Only the latest addition to the Project. I won't be the last."

"What're you talking 'bout?" Jayne asked, brow furrowed. He poured milk into a saucepan and started heating it on low. If it was still kept in the same place... ah. Right behind the big bottles of cooking oil was the big bottle of cognac that his Pa had kept for late night toddies. It was medicinal, he used to say, and wink at the children. Ma had always pretended to be mad, but had sometimes made the hot milk toddies herself if Pa was working late at the mines. Jayne remembered her, large with child, making a batch for himself, Charlie and Christina after a horror movie on the Cortex hadn't allowed them to sleep.

He missed them all something fierce.

"Secrets within secrets," River murmured, not looking up. "Your secrets are safe with me. I will keep them close. No one listens to what I have to say anyway. I don't matter. I am merely a conduit for study. I am a tool. I am to manipulate and destroy. Read and speak and move in shadow. I no longer exist as a thing that is girl."

Jayne turned, the cognac bottle in hand. "You look like a girl to me."

River shook her head. "I am not. I am not permitted to be. Just a shell. They stopped the flow and ebb tides; they gave shots to prevent womanhood. No interruption in training or manipulations, no want or need, no recovery time necessary if surgery not done."

"What're you talking about now?"

River looked up, then pushed herself up from her seat. "Sometimes, I think about it... I worry about it and cannot sleep, cannot think but in circles..." She approached him hesitantly, then took the cognac bottle from him and placed it on the counter. He only appreciated wine, weapons and women, after all. Perhaps he could tell her... River placed his hand over her breast. "What do you feel here? What are you touching?"

He couldn't pull his hand away fast enough. "What're you playing at?" he growled at her. God, even his sleep pants were starting to feel tight.

River pressed her body against his, the flimsy nightshirt the only thing separating them. "What do I feel like? Do I feel like a girl?"

_"Gorramit,_ girl, don't play with me."

"Not play. Feel me. What do I feel like? They prevented growth, kept me a little girl. I was not to develop under their care, I was not to grow. What am I now? They stopped up the fields with meds, would not allow maturation."

Jayne shut his eyes tight. "Feel plenty enough like a girl to me." He could feel her nipples pebbling against the skin of his chest.

River leaned against his chest. Without looking, she reached out and shut off the stove. "I was told I was not a girl. I was told I was a tool. I was an object. I was not I, I was it."

He felt his arms fold around her shoulders; those didn't feel like they were part of his body. It was with something like detachment that his hands trailed down her back, feeling the heat of her through the nightshirt. He knew his erection was pressed up against her thigh, knew that very little prevented him from doing what he wanted.

Dammit, he was trying real hard to do the right thing by her. It was going to kill him.

River's arms were around him. "Sometimes it's lonely being an object."

"You ain't no object," Jayne growled roughly. She was going to be the death of him.

"I am weapon. I am tool. I am not girl, not any longer. Some days I can pretend it's not true, others are more difficult. But the knowledge is always there, always lingering." Jayne could feel the beginnings of tears slip out from beneath her lashes. "But tools do not cry. Weapons cannot bleed. Objects do not feel."

"See? You ain't no object."

"But then what is this thing that is girl? What am I to be?"

"What brought this on?" Jayne muttered, awkwardly patting her back. "You were fine today."

"Not fine. Just pretending, pretending too well. No one wants to hear the screams of a blade on bone. No one wants to hear the object breaking."

"Stop with the object _le se._ You ain't no object."

"Sometimes I cannot believe that, as much as I want to. Some days hurt if I believe I am real."

Jayne shifted slightly, his erection dragging across her thigh. _Wo Tian,_ this was going to be real painful real quick, and she didn't understand what she was doing to him. This couldn't be happening, a slip of a girl driving him crazy. It just didn't work that way. It didn't. He was rough and wild, he was strong. He could resist a crazy little girl.

Except he couldn't, not really.

He kissed her forehead tenderly. "You're real, River," he murmured. "You're a girl, just real good at fighting. It don't mean you're any less real. You're just like me."

"I am?"

"A fighter, deadly. Ain't got no purpose now, but it don't mean you're used up."

River looked up at him, eyes shining. "What does the fighter do if not fighting?"

"Find a way to move on. There's a purpose somewhere."

"Then where is yours? If I am like you, would my purpose not be like yours?" River insisted. She was pressed tight against him, could feel every part of him.

"Some days, it's family. Some days, it's survivin'. It don't have to be only one purpose." Jayne brought a hand up to her face. "Nobody has to be just one thing."

"Then why do you say you're only evil, if you're not a bad man?"

He nearly pushed her away then. He shook his head. "It's just easier that way."

"I do not comprehend that subtlety."

"Don't..." Jayne's voice trailed off and his hand slid down her cheek, thumb dragging across her lower lip. "You don't gotta. Just as long as I'm okay with it."

"They want me married off, Jayne. They won't see me again. I need to comprehend."

"You mean Simon? It's 'cause you're tagged. The bounty's officially gone but someone still got you tagged." His hand closed around the back of her neck. "If you're on some backwater planet where they don't check tags, you'll be safe."

"The Alliance pushes farther every year. They meddle."

"That they do. But here's a spot to hide."

River pressed her face to his chest, feeling his arms around her. He made her feel safe and whole, all her disparate parts comprehended and accepted. Who else could do that for her? "But why should I stay if you will leave? Why can we not both stay?"

"I never could stay in one spot long."

_But I am like you, aren't I?_ she wanted to say. _Why is it all right for you to keep moving but for me to stand still?_

"Want a cup?"

She nodded against his chest, but made no move to leave his arms. She was comfortable, protected, thoughts safe and settled.

"Can't move with an armful of girl."

She almost smiled against his chest. He thought of her as a girl, as a desirable girl. Some days it was hard for her to feel that way, or to even remember she was more than a fighting Reader created by the Alliance. "I'm comfortable."

"Gotta learn to be comfy someplace else than here," Jayne said, disentangling himself. He firmly directed her back to the kitchen table. Once she obediently sat down, Jayne poured two hot milk toddies. "Here. Drink up. It should help you sleep some."

"In two days, they want me married to a cousin I don't know," River murmured.

"Well, no, not quite. Ma'll introduce you to a cousin. Marryin' comes later."

"Can't I just stay with you?"

Jayne thought of his mother's words. _I got two sons..._ He blinked, and frowned at her fiercely. "I ain't the marryin' kind."

"Why not?"

"Ain't no good to come from tying somebody to me."

"That doesn't make sense."

"It don't got to. It's just true. Drink up, and go off to bed."

River scooted her chair closer to Jayne and leaned her head onto his shoulder. "They don't understand, but you do. How can they comprehend? They don't know weapons. They don't know fighting. They fear what they don't know. I can feel the apprehension when they think on my actions, yet we both know it was not difficult or terrible. How would I be able to confine a talent like this from them?"

"Fights like that don't happen much."

Her left hand dropped down to rest on his leg. "They don't understand. They fear. I do not know how I am supposed to take it. A girl would be afraid back, wouldn't she?"

"What do you feel?" Jayne asked, body tense.

"Sad. The weapon would like to be used. The tool wants to be needed. The Reader wants to see the images she was built to see. But the girl is afraid she will be hated and hunted. She is afraid there is no one else to protect her."

On impulse, Jayne slung an arm around her shoulder. "You'll be okay, River. It ain't so bad. It just looks that way now 'cause it's late and you're tired and you're antsy. Ain't no shame in that. But my kin ain't bad folk, and they won't make you cry."

"What if she makes them cry?"

"They're tough. They can take it."

_Not like you,_ she wanted to say. _They're not like you, not enough. It won't be the same, it can't be. They don't understand that sometimes violence is necessary. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is warranted. They don't understand what I can do._ River pressed her face into the curve of Jayne's neck, inhaling the sleepy scent of him. "What if they can't?" she asked instead. "What if I am too alien?"

"We'll figure something out," Jayne promised. "You'll be okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise," Jayne said, patting her head gently. The motion was somewhat awkward, but cheered her greatly. She smiled at him and drank her toddy. At his insistence, she went back upstairs to try to sleep. He stared at his own toddy, now cold.

Something had just happened between them, but he couldn't say what it was. The thought of her with someone else twisted in his gut and tasted like ash on his tongue. She wasn't his, she wasn't meant to be. Even so, some part of him wished she could be.

He would have to think on this mess later.

***

Zoe found a small notebook tucked inside her underwear bag, all the way at the bottom. After the first day, when Zoe caught a servant unpacking her things without her permission, no one ever touched her things. That particular girl still avoided Zoe's gaze, and took great pains to avoid her. It was just a sprained wrist, not a break, and certainly nothing lethal; Core folk didn't know how to deal with pain anymore, it seemed.

It couldn't be a servant, then.

Zoe picked it up carefully after checking for trip wire or anything else out of place. Her internal alarms were screaming that something was terribly wrong.

The first page of the book had lists of numbers and letters in strange combinations. Most started with 6p or 6q or 13p or 13q. It didn't make any sense. Zoe turned the page and saw a folded piece of paper. Looking around even though she knew she was alone, Zoe unfolded it.

**The walls have ears and eyes. Beware.**

_Wo man le,_ Zoe thought wildly. What have they all fallen into? What kind of people were these Tams?

Zoe skimmed through the pages. It was all science jargon, all sorts of nonsense she didn't understand. But some phrases leapt out at her, and she thought she could get the gist of it well enough. She didn't like what she was reading.

Toward the back, the handwriting changed. Now, it was spiky and hurried, someone afraid of getting caught but needing to tell her story anyway. Zoe couldn't help but think of that scientist on Miranda, in tears and desperate in the face of what she had done.

_We meant to make them better,_ that scientist had said. _We meant it for the best._

But it didn't always turn out that way, Zoe wanted to say. Sometimes the most best-laid plans still got fouled up beyond repair. Sometimes you just lost.

_They thought they were doing right,_ the mysterious author wrote. _We develop the skills that God had provided. Enemies will always come. Sooner or later, something happens to upset the balance, tipping it to entropy and anarchy. We needed a guard against it. We needed a clue and a means to save ourselves. _

So they sacrificed their children to the cause.

Zoe dropped the book, unable to breath. Wo Tian, _what had they done? What were the secrets in this book?_ she thought.

Regan must have put this here. But why?

Zoe began to read again.

_They had to be broken. Pain and suffering opened their minds to the infinite, enabled them to travel the realms of possibility. The webs of reality are not static, but are exceedingly difficult to cross. A stable mind could not take up the task without shattering. But a fractured mind, a _specific_ fracture pattern, could do it. That mind could save us all. _

This is what Henry Comat thought when he proposed the idea to Mitchell Danvers. Serena Danvers had the uncanny ability to read people, to know their true motives. This was the beginning. Mitchell offered up his beloved sister to the cause. Her clones were terrific failures; whether the mind was destroyed in the cloning process or the aging process was unknown, but cloning psychic ability would not work. The Project was born, and it was determined that Mitchell would continue the research if his own children had the same gift. He would only keep one; the other belonged to the Project. The other would be studied.

We weren't the only ones. It would be better if we were, but there were others. There were so many others caught in the Project.

Henry Comat never seemed to die. He was always there, pushing Mitchell. Choose the more gifted of the two to study. Choose for the Project. And Mitchell obeyed.

Sasha went into the Project. Her trials were a spectacular failure. Whatever she saw made her claw her eyes out, rip out her tongue and attempt to eat her captors. She had been broken too thoroughly, had to be put down.

Michelle went on to marry. She had three daughters. Amelia disappeared into the Project soon after birth; Michelle was told that the baby had died. Anne and Regan were allowed to remain in her household.

Zoe wanted to throw up. It was horrific to read, but there was a dread fascination about it, too. This was River's family. This was her kin, her legacy. This was why she had been chosen.

Zoe regretted nothing now. Yes, she missed Wash something fierce. Yes, she wished they had been able to agree to a child sooner. Maybe she would have more than an empty bunk, wild shirts and old plastic toys. But he was a good man, an honest man. He was pure of soul, and willingly helped bring River's secret to light. He had been Zoe's leaf on the wind, her anchor, her heart. He had kept her true and right.

If not for him, maybe she wouldn't have been as horrified. If not for him, she would have completely understood what the Alliance was doing with the Project. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, after all, and a civilization had to be safe from itself as well as others. They needed to protect their own.

Thanks to Wash, Zoe knew the cost.

_Amelia was a poor subject,_ the book continued with its spiky, fearful hand. _They could not rear her properly, they could not teach her. She died on the table, her mind shutting down completely. They never knew what she saw. _

They asked for a replacement. Michelle didn't understand, and Mitchell made her choose. Anne was chosen by the Project. It was too much for her, too dangerous and difficult. It was too painful, yet even as she killed herself, she never blamed the sister left behind.

Regan went on to have two children at her Father's command. Her choices were removed. Henry Comat left no options. Simon and River were born, and they took River away before her fourteenth birthday.

Zoe wanted to hurl the book away from her. It couldn't be real. No, she didn't just read that. She didn't just see that. She didn't understand the implication on the page. No. No one was that cruel, surely. No one.

But no, Zoe knew that wasn't true. The 'verse was that cruel. She herself could have been that cruel, had her life been empty. She could have been heartless and cold, a mindless automaton killing for Mal.

There were a thousand could-have-beens, but none of them were true. Zoe was none of them, and only for the love of her surrogate family, her new kith and kin.

_Oh River, we didn't know,_ she thought suddenly. Suddenly Zoe was more contrite of the casual harm she must have done to the girl. _We didn't know what we were doing._

But it was probably for the best that they didn't, Zoe thought on further reflection. Crazy as she was, River probably benefitted from being treated like a regular girl for a spell. It made her into more than a science project for the Alliance and more than a helpless little sister for Simon to save. River was worth more than that.

Simon needed to know this, and he needed to be told what was going on. But not in the house, since it wasn't safe for secrets.

Nothing here was what it seemed, and nothing was safe.

Zoe tucked the book inside her shirt and quickly left the room.

***   
***


	23. Sanctus

"Falling is like this," Regan murmured. She was sitting on the patio, Gabriel beside her. She refused to speak within the house.

"Tian ni gu you xing guan xi yi jiao tang shu!"

Her eyes were blank and empty when she turned to look at him. His heart seemed to shrivel up within his chest. He never knew how to deal with her when she got this way without a tonic in hand. This was not his specialty.

"The gravity of the situation has not sunk in yet," Regan said. "It is dire. Simon will suffer for what I've done. They will hold their silence only for so long, and the reports will wind their way to Father's desk soon enough. He always knows, he always hears. There are wires in the walls, there are points of access."

Gabriel's blood ran cold. "What?"

"Humans are superstitious beings, looking for cause and effect where there is none. Or they look for reason within the illogical." Regan looked at Gabriel. "They chose you because you would not ask questions, because there was a relation generations back with some ability. They sought to augment my family line."

"Regan..."

"It does not matter now. Nothing does. It's done, it's over. It's just dealing with the aftermath now that matters, saving our son. I don't expect to live for much longer as I am now. I am too dangerous left alive."

"I think you need to explain."

She looked out over the expanse of manicured lawn. She had always appreciated the silence, but had never realized before now exactly why.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

***

"I don't know how to help you."

"I won't break. I'm tougher than I look. You won't break me, Jayne," River said, voice light and soft. Her smile was gentle, promising sensual pleasure. She had never seemed so sane.

He gave her a sidelong glance, looking pointedly at her slight frame. "It looks like it."

"They made me strong. They took a girl and laced her with iron for bones and ferocity for spirit, so she is more than just girl." River leaned in and pressed herself against his side. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. "The shadow of them looms large when we talk, but it's not so terrible now. Not if it brought me to you."

"I don't know what I'm doing." Jayne pushed her away slightly so that she was forced to look him in the eye. "I'm a fuck up, I know it. I come from a long line of fuck ups, and I don't know how to make it better for you."

"No," River murmured, clinging to him like a second skin. "You are not broken or damaged, not as I am. I see it in you, the heart of you. I feel it..."

"You're making it up. It ain't there."

Her hand fell to his chest, over his heart. "I like the way your heart beats, what it sounds for. I like how it sounds beneath your skin. I like the way it feels."

"Now, I don't want–"

"Trust," River murmured, leaning into him. Her lips fell against his skin, her tongue tasting his pulse point. "Trust me. I wish to keep you."

Jayne reached up to touch her. She was an adult, wasn't she? It was okay if she said it was, wasn't it? He dragged his thumb over her nipple, feeling her mouth open in a gasp. He had to admit she was kind of nice to look at, kind of nice to feel. She was best when not acting up, and she hadn't done that in ages.

River fell pliant to his touch, let herself be bent slightly back so that he could really touch her. She sighed happily when he picked her up then, pulled her up against his chest. His legs came up and nestled under hers and his hand curled itself against her stomach. She leaned against him, weighting him down into the soft couch. She could feel the rumble of his breath against her body, the heat radiating into her. This was being connected to someone, this was _feeling_ someone else, this was _being_.

He was hungry when he kissed her, his hands tight on her breasts. He stroked her lips with his tongue before beginning to suck on them. River was making soft mewling sounds, her arms looping around him and her hands threading through his hair. _Yes, pull her closer, bring her in tighter, take her breath..._

Jayne ran his teeth over the edge of her lip, softly so as not to draw blood. She didn't know how this could go; he was her teacher in all things now. River twisted in his arms, caught up in the pure sensation, nails skating across his scalp. He didn't want to rush her, didn't want to push her farther than she could go. River could feel it, could sense that he was holding back. She broke their kiss and pulled back from him far enough so that their eyes could lock. "I won't break, I can take it all."

Jayne caught her about the waist and pulled her in closer. He wanted her _now, gorrammit,_ never mind she was inexperienced and little and too soft for such things. But she said she was fine, she said he could do what he wanted, she said she could take it. He had to trust her in this, he had to. He would go insane otherwise.

He bent his head down to the graceful curve of her neck. He could smell her, the heady scent of her arousal. He did that. He made her feel that way. River only wanted him to touch her, only wanted him to be her teacher. Thoughts like that did amazing things to a man, and Jayne was no different. He suckled her breast through the bright red dress she was wearing, his teeth nipping and coaxing the nipple to its full peak. Her breath fractured, caught in her throat. Oh yes, she liked that. She smelled like sex, and whatever might've been thinking in his brain immediately shut down. No more thinking, not that Jayne was known for it anyways. Jayne could feel River's body begin to tremble. He moved his other hand to her back, steadying her as he began to tip her off his lap and onto her back.

"Yes," she hissed, head thrown back. "Now, yes..."

Jayne kept suckling on a breast, leaning over sprawled body. He eased the skirt up her thigh, fingertips skating across her hypersensitive skin. He touched her panties when he reached her hips, and she arched against him. River made incoherent sounds as Jayne slipped his hand inside her panties. Her legs fell wide open as his fingers moved against her skin. Her breath caught sharply when he found her clit. He began stroking it gently, remembering what she liked from when he had pulled her against him in the High Key.

River was making little mewling noises, her hands at the back of Jayne's neck. When her mewling became louder, Jayne kissed her again. It was fierce and breathtaking, swallowing her cries. She protested mightily when he pulled away from her mouth and took his hand out of her panties. "No, I need more..."

"Hang on, River..."

He slid the thin cotton down her legs. Jayne pressed kisses to the insides of her thighs and edged them apart again. He knelt between her legs, basking in the scent of her. He licked his way up to the tangle of curling damp hair, then licked the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. Her legs trembled, and River made some sort of squeaking sound. He swirled his tongue around her swollen clit, hearing her moan. He slid a finger inside her wet heat. "This what you need?"

_"Yes,_ Jayne, yes..."

She was wet, slick against his fingers, and he moved with practiced precision. "Don't got to be in no rush. We got all the time in the world..."

"Jayne," River whimpered as he brought his mouth back down against her soft flesh. Her mind was shutting down, her breath fracturing across his name. "Jayne..."

He could feel her tremble beneath his lips and tighten around his fingers. She was close, so close. He could taste her impending orgasm. He moved faster, a touch more pressure, humming against her clit. Just a bit more, and then River came with a sharp cry, spasming around his fingers. "J-Jayne," she whispered brokenly, arching herself into his touch.

He made short work of his clothes and then crawled over her. He kissed her, hands at either side of her head, propping himself up. He leaned back a bit and lifted her spread legs, the tip of his erect cock placed at her entrance. River's eyes locked to his. "Please, Jayne," she whispered. "I need more."

Jayne rubbed against her, using the motion to position himself. River took in a deep breath as Jayne shifted backward before driving in deep. She gasped, arching up. He pulled her hips closer, feeling her tighten around him. She felt like velvet, warm and soft, tight around him and pulling him in deeper. "You like that, don'tcha?" he asked, voice a low growl.

"Yes," she moaned, head thrown back. "Yes...."

There was a pounding noise, someone wanting to come into the den. Well, too bad, the door was locked up tight. He wasn't leaving her, not yet, not like this, not now, not when she was wet and tight and all around him and he was going to come....

Jayne snapped awake at the sound of someone banging on the bedroom door.

"God-fucking-dammit!" he yelled. "I'm up! Are ya happy now?" he roared.

The banging ended, and footsteps ran down the stairs.

"Shit," Jayne muttered, burying his face into his pillow. There was no River in his bed or sprawled on a couch beneath him in the den. He punched the mattress beneath him in frustration. _Keep dreamin',_ he told himself harshly. _It's all you're ever gonna have, she deserves better'n you dragging her all over the 'verse._

He studiously ignored the nagging suspicion that River had feelings for him, and studiously ignored the suspicion that he had his own feelings in place. That was neither here nor there. She should have someone stable take care of her, someone with more credits and more sense. Jayne was notoriously low in both. He wasn't the caring type, wasn't good husband material, no matter what his Ma thought. Of course she would think he was a good man. She was his Ma, and mothers always thought the world of their sons. It didn't make it true, and it didn't make it any better. Jayne was a stupid, stupid man, and he had nothing to offer anyone.

As hard as it was, he had to let go.

***

Zoe found Kaylee and Simon after his physical therapy session. "I think swimming in the pool would be pretty good for you about now," she said without preamble. Zoe could feel the notebook binding digging into her skin beneath her vest.

"It was a tough session today..." Simon began.

"The water will cool ya off, honey," Kaylee said. "You can just float."

"All right," Simon conceded, nodding at Kaylee. Zoe was thankful for that, and let her push Simon's wheelchair toward the pool.

The notebook seemed to weigh so much; Zoe was glad to be handing it over to Simon.

When she gave it to him, he turned it over in his hands in confusion. "What's this?"

"Ain't nobody to listen out here. The house is rigged with listening devices, and it isn't safe for the secrets your mother keeps," Zoe said without preamble. "I don't understand what's in that book in the beginning, but the part added to the end makes it clear enough." She looked away as Simon opened the notebook and saw the slip of paper that had been added inside. "I'll let you read it out here by yourself. But whatever you plan, you got to be careful. I don't think those men last night were real happy about being told to leave."

Simon looked up sharply. "What men?"

"I don't know. Bland faces, suits, blue gloves."

_Two by two, hands of blue..._

Simon paled. "River had been afraid of the hands of blue," Simon murmured.

Zoe didn't seem surprised, and only nodded. Kaylee had a hand over her mouth in shock. "Your mother knows lots more than she let on. She's a Teller, Simon. She's a damn good one, too. If we all hadn't been here where she could chase off those two men, we'd all be dead. They had that kind of look to them."

"What are we gonna do, then?" Kaylee asked, looking between Simon and Zoe. "The therapist today said it could be another few weeks to get all the coordinations back, especially in the hands and things. How are we gonna do this?"

"We'll need to know if they've tracked River down," Simon said, mouth set in a straight line. "If they were here to ask us, it means they haven't found her yet. If we made a mistake somewhere, they'll find her. We'll have to get to her first and get a better hiding spot."

"Or we fight."

Kaylee and Simon stared at Zoe. It was the first time since Wash's death that she seemed so animated. "Zoe?"

"River's not the only one. Read the book. Tell me if you still feel like runnin' when you finish it. I sure don't, and I don't know what it all means. I'm pretty sure the captain won't like it, either. So it's up to you now. Do we run? Or do we fight it?"

Simon thought of the consequences to River's other secret. He had been shot, Kaylee had taken darts, Zoe's back was sliced open, Mal beaten senseless. Not to mention Wash and Book... The price had been high, too high.

But he couldn't say he regretted a thing. His illness had only served to prove that point. He regretted nothing. He had saved River from the Academy, and had helped her however he could whenever he could. He had bent over backward for her. He had done everything in his power to be sure she was safe. She was his _mei mei,_ his responsibility.

Zoe watched Simon's face carefully as he traced the edge of the cover, thinking. He finally looked at her straight in the eye. "I'll read this, know what we're up against. But I think it's time that the Academy was closed for good."

***

Jayne glared at everyone as he came into the kitchen for breakfast. Unless it was Caro or Mattie who woke him up, someone at the table had interrupted the dream. Someone needed to get a head pounding, and he hoped someone would give a sign who it should be.

But other than River, no one met his eyes. The twins were too busy chatting amongst themselves and Vera was setting up a place for him at the table. River's eyes were soft and her lips were parted slightly. _Ai ya,_ he couldn't stare at that.

Jayne plopped down into his chair and ignored the pointed stares of his nieces. He was rude; he already told them as much. He ate in silence, ignoring River's pained stare. If he didn't look at her, he wouldn't have to see the features that haunted his dreams. It was too much, and he didn't know how to shove aside the feelings.

After breakfast, Jayne set himself to chopping more wood. It was a good mindless way to exercise, a task that always helped him avoid thinking.

Right now, he really wanted to avoid thinking.

***

River was standing on the back porch in a red dress and bare feet. Her heart was pounding, the blood rushing through her ears. "The stars are not wanted now, put out every one. Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun."

"Auden?" Viola asked beside her. As River nodded, she crossed her arms. "Are we still training today or not?"

"We will. We wait for your sister."

Viola looked away from River for a moment. "He's an idiot."

River didn't answer, didn't bother to ask what was meant by that or what was happening. She looked out over the fields, a troubled expression on her face.

"The wind is changing," she murmured.

Viola looked at her sharply. "What is it? Can we still train?"

River's eyes snapped to Viola's. "It is imperative that we begin."

Victoria ran up to them, almost breathless. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my brush!"

"We begin by running," River said without preamble.

"How are we supposed to run in bare feet! There's rocks and such!"

"Conditioning is important. It begins with simple exercises in tougher modalities than you are accustomed to. Over time, it will be a simple thing. Now we begin."

The twins watched as River sprinted across the backyard. With a sigh, they followed.

***

Simon's hands shook as he hid the notebook inside of the lining to his wheelchair. He would be able to reach for it without any problems, but no one else would know it was there. That _hundan_ of a physical therapist wouldn't even find it. He had to work even harder now, had to push himself even farther. Gross movements were still fine, but walking took too many muscles to coordinate. Simon wasn't ready to walk without the guide rails on the walkway, though he was getting better at walking down that route. God, it would be weeks yet, and the Hands of Blue were after his sister _now._

Kaylee watched him with large eyes. He had explained everything to her as he read the notebook, finding it was easier to translate the scientific terms to simple English now. He had been out in the black for too long, had been too long removed from the journals he used to read and contribute to. He had never had to communicate with outsiders before, and now it was all he did. If anything, now it was the scientific and medical communities that were outsiders. He was one of the Serenity crew now; that ship was home, for better or for worse.

"We have to help them," Simon murmured.

She wouldn't have thought less of him if he chose to run, but Kaylee was proud of him. Simon would do the right thing. He always had, always would. He knew about sacrifice, and he knew about pain. Now, he knew about retribution.

Kaylee let Simon take her hand in his. He was fast approaching his former grace and ease of motion. He would one day be able to take up his needles and tools. "I'm with you," Kaylee said, giving his hand a squeeze. "It's the right thing to do."

"Now, we come up with a plan."

"We?"

"We're going to break it," Simon said with a nod. "We're going to break up the Academy from the inside out, and we're going to make sure they can never do it again."

Kaylee's grin was infectious. "Well now, tell me what it looks like."

***

After dinner, Vera offered to trim River's hair. "You know, I never realized that the ends are all ragged," she said, reaching out to touch the ends that brushed River's shoulders. After spending the entire afternoon training the twins, River had used the upstairs bathroom for a quick shower before dinner. The twins had used the downstairs one, following her example. "Looks like it was a quick thing, and that won't look right. It was behind your ears before, I never realized it. I could trim that nice and even."

Victoria noted the way River had gone still, her face carefully blank. "Can you trim mine next, then?" she asked quickly.

Vera looked up with a smile. "Why, sure thing. I used to cut everyone's hair here at home. D'you remember that, Jayne?"

He grunted, not looking up from where he was clearing the dishes from the table. "Yeah. You gonna do Mattie's or Caro's after they finish washin' dishes?"

"Your hair could use a trim, too, Jayne," Vera said, shaking her head. "I already did theirs a while back. They're not due for a while yet."

Viola giggled behind her hand when she caught Jayne's mutinous look. "Looks like everybody's gonna have themselves a haircut tonight. Anyone do yours, Gramma?"

As soon as Viola called Vera 'Gramma,' the older woman's face lit up. "Why? You good at cuttin' hair? I just pin it back to keep it out of the way."

Victoria slid into the chair next to River's during that exchange. "You okay?"

"More of the shield will be removed. I will manage."

"Shield?"

"Let it go," Jayne said, cutting off River's reply. "Jus' get your hair done like you want, leave it alone." He picked up the dishes in front of them, not meeting River's eyes. "Tomorrow will come soon enough either way."

Victoria looked over at Vera, who was digging in a drawer for her hair shears. Viola looked excited to have her hair cut. "Something fun!" she was insisting. Viola had never liked having long hair, saying it took too much time to take care of. Victoria had gotten used to it, just leaving it in a braid down the middle of her back when she went horseback riding. Viola had never gotten the hang of braiding her own hair, and hated to be a nuisance by asking someone else.

"We'll be okay tomorrow," Victoria murmured to River. "We'll all stick together. And if them cousins aren't fun, we'll start our next lesson."

River nodded. "They will get more and more difficult over time."

"Always do," Victoria agreed. She watched as spools of golden hair fell to the floor. Soon her twin wouldn't look exactly like her.

"You would look good with the same haircut," River murmured. Her hands were fisted tight in her lap. "And it would be easier to fight with."

"Really?" At River's nod, Victoria leapt up. "Me next. I want the same haircut!"

Viola traded places with Victoria. Her hair was now just below her shoulders, with bangs over her eyes. "You doin' okay?"

"I shall cope," River said shortly.

"Don't gotta do it alone."

"I know," River replied, nodding. _But it is still difficult to bear this,_ she thought. She looked at the twins grinning at her, and let them pull her towards Vera and the shears. The trim was quick, and River smiled at Vera. "Thank you."

She waited until she was alone in her bedroom upstairs before dissolving into tears.

***

"Vi?" Victoria hissed across the darkness of their room. "You awake?"

"Yeah." Viola turned in the bed to face her sister. "Can't sleep?"

"Not really."

"Nice of you to offer to get your hair cut, too." Viola touched her bangs a little self-consciously.

"You wanted to get yours cut, anyway."

"We still look alike."

"Did you see the old capture? This is what she looked like before she left to marry Dad."

"Oh."

Victoria pulled the blanket almost over her head. "She's scared."

"Who? River? What'd she got to be scared of?"

"I overheard Caro and Mattie tonight. She's gotta get married off."

_"Bi zui!_ Really? What for?"

"They didn't say, just hoped she met someone tomorrow she wouldn't mind marryin'."

Viola frowned. "Too bad she can't just marry Jayne. He likes her enough already."

"He thinks he's a bad man. Told me so himself."

Viola snorted. "No more than Daddy is... was. Whatever."

"I know." Victoria shut her eyes. "You think they'll be mean to us?"

"You panicking again, Vicky?"

"No, I can take it. It's not so bad right now, just that tickle in my chest. I can still breathe okay." Victoria paused for a moment. "Well, it's okay right now. Don't know about tomorrow, but I think I'll be okay."

The silence stretched out, and Viola was nearly asleep when Victoria hissed "Vi!" again.

"Huh? Whazzat?"

"I don't want to meet anyone else new tomorrow. What if they hate us? What if we hate them? What if they're mean?"

"We're Hunters too," Viola murmured, half asleep. "We'll be mean on back. Treat 'em like Daddy would've and be done with it. But Gramma won't let anyone be mean to us tomorrow. She looks like she'll take a stick to whoever does."

"I'm still afraid, Vi."

"You got me, Vicky. We'll be okay. Just stick together, and all's good. We'll figure it all out tomorrow. Go to sleep, Vicky."

"I'm not tired," Victoria pouted.

"I am. See ya in the morning."

Victoria heard Viola's breath even out and drop into sleep. She closed her own eyelids, feeling them begin to grow heavy.

Tomorrow would come soon enough.

***   
***


	24. Rejuvenation

Jayne was set to putting up picnic tables and benches. River and the twins were putting up streamers as Mattie and Caro were making a few last minute dishes in the kitchen. There was a soft breeze that fluttered River's shorter hair, and she could feel the sun on the back of her neck. She hadn't had short hair since she was a child; long hair was refined and beautiful, the mark of a good Core girl. She shut her eyes tightly, seeing red on black. She opened her eyes and continued pinning the streamer up on the side of the house. The twins were chattering away to each other in soft voices – _twinspeak, double helix, chains and beginnings,_ River thought, turning away from them. They automatically weren't alone. _Time could stop, bend, fold. I think I could know the trick of it,_ she thought, coming down the stepladder. If she really did know how to bend time, she would skip past this reunion and move on to the next disaster.

Something bad would happen here, she knew it. She was rebellious and wild before. Now she was simply crazy and dangerous. She made people afraid.

Caro brought out the radio and a collection of sound captures she had brought with her from Persephone years ago. She smiled at River – _fresh faced fresh out of school full of hope and the world tumbling down in a field full of dust_ – and then ducked back into the house to continue helping to set up.

There was the sound of a mule coming in, and Vera left the house through the side door, wiping her hands dry on a dish towel. "Beauregard! You're early!"

The aging man merely grinned and pulled his mule alongside the house. "Vera darlin', no party ever starts 'til you tell it to. Where do I put these tables?"

"Go out back with Jayne. He's settin' up ours."

"I heard he was back," Beauregard said, blue eyes twinkling. "I can't wait to see what he's been up to. I'll drive on back."

Vera shook her head as Beauregard drove the mule into the backyard, then went back inside.

Jayne's jaw dropped open as the mule pulled up and parked beside Mattie's. "Uncle Beau?"

"Beau. French for handsome. Belle in the feminine," River whispered, unnoticed. She picked up another roll of paper streamers and moved to the next side of the house.

"Jayne, you look just the same!" Beauregard cried, jumping out of the mule. He gave his nephew a swift hug. "And if you ain't the spittin' image of Theodore!"

"Aw, I think I got Ma's nose," Jayne said with a grin. "You brought more tables?"

"Of course. Got all them outliers in the other towns comin' in. You know some Keylines stayin' with me. Geri and Bonnie's youngun's, you know."

"Hadn't seen 'em since long before I left," Jayne said, helping his uncle lift a picnic table out of the mule's bed.

"Don't I know it. And don't your Aunt Gertie tell me you're a sad nephew not to write us, too?"

"Don't Ma or Mattie tell you all hi for me at church like she says she does?"

"Ain't the same, Jayne," Beauregard said, grunting as he pulled open the leg of the picnic table. "I don't read so good, but a letter once or twice woulda been nice to see."

"Sorry, Uncle Beau. Next time."

"Leavin' so soon?"

"Gotta get stuff done first," Jayne hedged.

"Vera told me 'bout River," Beauregard said, grunting. He stood and helped Jayne right the table into place. "Some, anyways."

"I wondered what she was sayin' at church."

"And you, running off so fast afore anyone can reach you. And to fight with Jonas Hunter, no less. You know better," Beauregard chided. "My brother raised you better'n that."

Jayne ducked his head and headed back to the mule. "I own it."

"Well, I didn't come in meanin' to scold. I'm sure Vera did all that on her own."

Jayne shrugged. "Been doin' lotsa chores 'round here again."

"A farm's always about chores and hard work." Beauregard paused and then reached for the next table. "How's the black?"

"Black and skittered with stars," Jayne grunted, lifting his end of a table. "Ain't nothin' special. Hit a ball of dirt from time to time, get a job, fly off again. Keep on workin' and keep them credits coming home."

"Vera tells me you don't talk about it much."

"Ain't nothin' to tell."

"You sure?"

Jayne nodded firmly. "Sure. Ain't so bad out there."

With a grunt, both men pulled out the table legs and then placed the tables down. Beauregard watched his nephew with a small smile. He could see his brother in the other man, as well as his sister-in-law and the elements that were purely Jayne. Whatever else, the man had been self sufficient and had survived sixteen years away from home. Beauregard knew full well that some men didn't last even sixteen days.

Beauregard watched as Jayne's eyes tracked something, and looked over to see what he was looking at. A young woman with shoulder length dark hair was walking barefoot in the backyard, paper streamers in hand. Twin blonde girls were a few feet away, also decorating the house. The barn was already done. "That's her, ain't it?"

Jayne, startled, did no more than nod. "Yeah."

"Pretty little thing," Beauregard murmured. He looked back at Jayne, at his distant and guilty look, and wisely stayed silent.

The twins themselves were keeping an eye on River. She sometimes whispered to herself, and she looked fairly anxious. _Horrors creeping left while I was sleeping, will grow up in vines and lines and vision that still remains. I hear tangled words again, and I can sense the danger that no one else can._

River nearly dropped the roll of streamers. "Yes. Of course."

The twins eyed each other warily and vowed to keep watch. Caro had said River needed looking after, and they were starting to see why.

***

They came in droves, the Tanners and Keylines and Gradys and Cobbs. Vera's Grady cousins were relatively few in number now, since they had been so much older than she was. They hadn't had too many children, so the Grady side was dying out. The Cobb and Keyline branches of the family tree were fairly robust, having lots of children that went on to have even more children. The Tanners, as Jayne had said, tended to run to girls, so the cousins on that branch had different last names and had started to drift away. Jayne thought the Keyline and Cobb families were large enough as it was, and had a hard enough time trying to remember everyone's names.

He introduced the twins as his nieces, chest puffing slightly with pride. They smiled and nodded demurely, perfect little ladies. Jayne watched over them as they were ooh'ed and ah'ed, and let his cousins introduce them to their children. The twins wandered over to where the children were staying, and seemed to be having a good time.

Children. He couldn't believe his cousins were as old as he was, let alone that they had children creeping into the teens. He felt so _gorram_ old and useless.

He had introduced River to his cousins, and knew that Mattie and Caro had done the same. He was caught up in reminisces of how things used to be sixteen years ago, when he had still been planetside and his father had still been alive. Jayne swallowed down the hurt in it and smiled at his cousins. They didn't know any better, he supposed.

"So are you captain of a ship yet?" his cousin Alex asked. He was thin and wiry and coughed a lot into a handkerchief that he would tuck back into his pocket. His wife Emily had explained that Alex often suffered from damplung, just like Mattie did.

Elric Cobb laughed at Alex and heaped food on his plate. "He'd'a said so if'n he was, Alex." Elric pointed at Jayne with his fork. "I'm guessin' ya don't like taking rules and ya don't like givin' 'em, and keepin' up a ship's too much work."

"Kinda," Jayne hedged. "I couldn't give so much to Ma and Mattie if I had to pay for a ship flyin' all the time."

"Thought so. Thoughtful one, you are," Elric said with a nod.

"Mattie told me Alice married Barry Tyler."

"Oh yeah. Alice moved to Canyon Crossing a while back. Her kid's got a pox on, so they didn't show today. Scared the other two might pass it on, she said."

"Her sister Sara married Henry Tsien in Canbury. I think they said they'd be late today," Alex added. "No kids that way yet."

"It's been close to seven years. I don't know what they're waiting on," Elric said. "I know I got my wife all preggers first year I married 'er. Six kids so far, and we're not doin' so bad."

Jayne found himself imagining River round with child, and could feel his gut twist. He didn't want one of his cousins touching her, no matter that he didn't think he was good enough either.

"And you? Any prospects? Vera ain't said nothing."

"Don't got nothing to tie me down," Jayne said, his grin a shadow of his former one. "Now, Mattie told me Wayne and Cherry Alexander got together a while back, got two girls?"

"Oh yeah. Eliza and Jenny. They seem to've taken a shine to Tina's girls. Can you imagine, that lying sack of _go se_ keeping 'em from us?" Alex asked, leaning forward. "It seems like he didn't screw 'em up or nothing. That's surprising. The man got downright mean after you left, Jayne. If he was a right bastard before, it was a hundred times worse after."

"What got worse after?"

The three men looked up from their plates and saw George Cobb. He was a little shorter than the other Cobb cousins, but he was thinner and more wiry. He called himself a runner of sorts, and worked as a courier between the local towns. He had a plate in one hand and was guiding Terri by her elbow with his other hand.

"Sayin' Jonas Hunter got downright mean."

"That's so," George agreed. "Jayne, it's been ages! Here, I'd like you meet my girlfriend Terri," George said, nodding at the lithe redhead beside him. "These seats taken?"

"Nope," Jayne said, scooting over on the bench. "Sit on down."

Terri smiled at him as she settled herself and her plate down next to him. "I hear you just got back a few days ago from the black."

"That's right."

"What's it like? Jer and Drew were up once, on a trip to Adelaide, and said it was a mite unsettlin' how there ain't nothing for miles."

"I guess I got used to it. I mean, there's nothing out there but black, black and more black, you know? But if you got a good enough ship and a good enough crew, you don't ever think on it much." Jayne smiled at her and George. "Now I heard you two was together. Seems like I missed that story. How'd that happen?"

Terri laughed. "Old news 'bout these parts. It was what? Two and a half years ago? He's a sweetie, George is. Gave me bad news about my cousins in Voltaire, and the next thing I know he's invited himself over for drinks and then some."

Elric and Alex laughed ans George shook his head. "It didn't happen quite like that..." he protested, poking Terri in the arm playfully.

"Seems so," Terri said with a laugh. She picked up her barbecued wings and playfully threatened to swat George in the face with it.

Jayne smiled almost wistfully at them. "Looks like things are working out for you both."

"They are," George agreed with a nod. "It's not like I woke up one day and thought Terri was the one, you know. The thing just kinda happened, and it went from there."

"Oh, how romantical you are," Terri joked, leaning her head against his. She laughed along with him and the others. "We never talked long term. Odd, I guess. My ex-husband used to talk long term all the damn time, that's for sure. But with George, it just didn't happen that way. We didn't talk about what we're doin' months from now or years from now. We just took it for the here and now, and the next time we turned around, months went by and we were happy. Might as well move in, you know?"

"And it's worked that way?" Jayne asked, surprised.

"Sure thing," George replied, chest puffed up with pride. "I keep my girl happy."

Elric snorted, shaking his head. "Some things just ruin a man's appetite."

"So says the man that watched every child's birth," Alex teased, poking his cousin in the arm. He lifted his empty plate. "I'm gonna get more of your Ma's perfect potato salad. Anybody want some while I'm up?"

Most of the table refused, and Alex wandered off. He pointed other cousins over to their table, and Jayne got a chance to catch up. He was feeling pretty relaxed, almost happy. It was sixteen years since he last saw most of his cousins, longer for some. Even though there was so much to catch up on, time slid away. They were all teenagers again, joking and poking fun at one another. He had missed that sense of family in most of the years he had been away. Truth be told, joining up on the Serenity crew had given him the closest thing to family.

Jayne frowned when he saw Viola headed in his direction. He immediately rose from his seat and looked around. Victoria was nowhere to be seen. "What's happened?"

"It's River," Viola said, panting slightly.

"What?"

"They were makin' fun of her, the way she talks. She talked them all in circles, and they started in on her. She took off, and Vicky popped 'em in the face."

"What?!"

"River's been trainin' us, mostly on resistance and form first. To defend ourselves. So's she's fine. Vicky took to it nice."

Jayne fought the urge to run a hand over his face. It was a move his father used to make all the time when exasperated and trying to keep his temper. Jayne saw it a lot, truth be told, and never understood until know what would prompt his father to do it. "All right. Start over, tell me what happened."

Viola pouted slightly. "Henry Mullins was showing off that his Pa got him a pistol and that he would start hunting along with his Pa. So then Jimmy Cobb started showing off how he had started hunting when he was ten, and it was old news. Kara Grady said that she could shoot a bow and arrow and help out. Horace Grady chimed in and said he was a crack shot at a hundred paces and could prove it. Vicky and I didn't say nothin' 'cause we was never allowed to fight. And then River said she could take down ten men at once without having to stop for breath."

Jayne thought of the Reavers behind the blast door on Mr. Universe's private moon and remained silent. River had easily taken down much more than ten.

"They didn't believe her, so she started talkin' 'bout physics and angles and muscle tension and momentum and velocity... I'm not stupid, but I didn't understand half of what she said in there."

"So they made fun of her?"

Viola nodded. "And I could see she was getting upset, and she was trying to explain, but it wasn't coming out right, something like how she couldn't help but be the weapon they made of her, that she couldn't help being nothing more than a tool. And they just _laughed_ at her, and it was awful. And then Vicky shouted at them, that they were worthless _go se_ and started cursing all their descendants, and popped Henry and Horace in the face and pushed Kara into Jimmy. River took off runnin' and I took off to look for you."

"Why me? You're close to her."

"But I'm just a kid, and you're not. She trusts you, and she's known you longest. You're her _friend,_ Uncle Jayne. You need to help."

He rubbed the side of his face tiredly. "All right. I'll go look for her and see what I can do. You look in on Vicky and make sure she's all right, no split knuckles or nothin'. That won't heal for days if she didn't punch 'em right."

Viola nodded and ran off. Jayne thought for a moment. With all of the small children playing hide and seek in the fields, River would have never hidden there. She would need quiet at a time like this, a place to cry in private. She didn't want anyone else to experience her pain.

That left the haymow.

Jayne headed out toward the barn, noting that the main door was cracked ajar. He slid inside easily, and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim interior lighting. He saw his old workout gear in one corner of the barn. His Pa had taken an old quilt, stuffed it full of dirt and turned it into a punching bag. There was the bench his Pa had made, the weights his Ma had helped to make by sacrificing a few of her flowerpot saucers. _Work off the frustration,_ his Pa used to say. _It ain't a big man who hits on other people, just a weak one. You get strong and you protect your family. That's what makes you a big man._

He wondered if his Pa would've been ashamed of how he'd been in the black.

Jayne climbed the ladder that led up to the haymow. The old blankets were still in the corner, keeping the straw and hay from poking him too much when he was younger. He could see a lump beneath one of the quilts, and pulled it back.

River was crying, eyes red rimmed and brimming with tears. "Will you make fun, too?"

He shook his head. "No. What happened?"

"They don't understand, and they don't want to," she whispered. "How can I bear it, the weight of this on my skin, the fear? They fear me, it creeps along my spine."

"Don't got no need to," Jayne murmured, brushing the tears away from her face.

She turned away, hands twisting together in agitation. "There is nothing here to apprehend. There is nothing here at all. I stand as a null hypothesis, worth refuted by a collection of evidence against me. I am not what they think I am."

Jayne spun her around. "So this is what you've done? Come running up here to hide and cry like a little girl. I thought you tole me you weren't one."

"They are not what I need," she replied, tone mournful. "What will we do now?"

"What're you gonna do now?" Jayne asked, confused. "You think you can make do on your own? That's a load of _go se_ if I ever heard it. You need someone to help you out, since you're still marked as their own."

"They can't help me!" River cried. "They fear me, they don't understand. They can't see the girl aside from the weapon, the heart beside the force. They see that I can fight, they see that I can't speak as they do. They fear what they do not understand, and _they fear me."_ She brought her hands up to her mouth and tried to control herself. "I don't know what else to be. I am girl and tool and weapon, and I cannot be anything else. I cannot be the helpless thing they want me to be, I cannot."

Jayne sighed. "Lookit, it's not that bad."

"Only because you comprehend where they do not." Her eyes were large and luminous, deep pools of endless thought and emotion. Jayne almost thought he could drown in them.

"I ain't a good man," Jayne said, voice hoarse. He didn't know why he was saying it.

"You comprehend," River said gently, reaching out for him. "You see all of me, and you know what I am. Yet you do not fear. You understand, you relate, you conversate. You do not run at the sight of me, you do not think of me as a creature to be put down." She smiled through her impending tears. "You tell me I'm human, I'm woman as well as weapon. You ground me, you center me, you allow me my fears and then you tell me truth. You give me what I cannot give myself." Her hand closed tight around his, and her fingers felt cold. "When I don't understand, you show me. There's more than book learning or Academy learning. You've shown me the 'verse outside of my box."

He thought of her as he had first seen her, naked and fearful, shivering and hiding behind her brother after slithering out of the cryobox. He'd shown her things, all right.

"I ain't a good man," Jayne repeated.

"I don't need a good man," River responded, voice earnest. "I need a man good for me."

"I can't...."

"You are already," River said gently, coming closer to him. Her eyes searched his face, saw his hesitancy. "And you are what I need."

He pulled her close, her body flush against his. She could feel his rapid heartbeat, could feel what he had denied himself. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"I want to know what this is. I want to feel all of you everywhere." His breath was warm against her neck, and for a moment, she was afraid he would start insisting that nothing could happen between them. He still thought of himself as unworthy and useless, and River _knew_ that he wasn't, that he had already earned his absolution.

"River..." Jayne whispered, voice hoarse. His mouth was next to her ear, his body pressed tight against hers. River shivered, her breath catching in her throat. His hands trailed down her back, and then one hand moved to her front. "I don't know..."

There was a vulnerability in his voice, in his touch. River touched his face gently, moving him so that she could look into his eyes. "I do. I trust in this. I trust in you."

He kissed her then, hot and needy. Her mouth opened and a tiny sound of pleasure escaped her lips. Jayne was swallowing her breath, her soul, every last reservation she might have had. River gave herself up to his kiss, to his tongue inside her mouth and his hand over her breast. There was a need in her, growing steadily as he touched her. His hand rubbed her nipple through her dress, his other hand pulled up the edge of the dress. "Tell me no," Jayne insisted.

"I'm telling you yes," River whispered as his hand slipped beneath the waistband of her panties. She arched herself into his touch, her breath catching in her throat. "Yes, please..."

His fingers traced her folds, rapidly growing moist. He kissed her again, deeply. He dipped a finger inside of her and felt her body jump in surprise. Jayne wrapped his other arm around her, and began to tip her backward, so that she would lie down on the quilts. His hand was still caught between her thighs, fingers wet with her arousal. He circled her sensitive clit and felt her thighs twitch around his hand. Jayne inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her arousal. Maybe some part of him at the High Key had thought this was inevitable. Maybe he had always known he would wind up in the Special Hell. The scent of her rested on his tongue, just as it had then, and Jayne found himself beginning to harden.

He kissed her pulse point, feeling it leap beneath his lips. She made little incoherent whimpering sounds and twisted beneath him. His fingers brushed over her clit slightly harder, and the pleasure had sent shockwaves through her. As his mouth closed over a breast, sucking her through the fabric of the dress. Jayne could feel her body begin to tighten within his hands, and sucked harder on her breast. She let out an incoherent moan, her entire body trembling and her hands scrabbling at the blankets beneath her.

"Don't stop," River gasped, hips arched up against his hand. It felt as though he was thrusting his fingers up into warm honey, and he crooked his fingers inside of her. "Oh... It feels..." She twisted beneath him, writhing as she gasped.

Jayne moved suddenly, pulling the top of her dress down so he could taste her skin directly. He rolled his tongue around her nipple, feeling her trembling pick up in frequency. He was hard and aching, erecting rubbing against her hip. He had two fingers deep inside of her, and he thrust them in and out in time to her pants. There was almost no point in trying to be a good man. She was right, and it wasn't what she needed.

Jayne dragged his fingers out of her, and River made a mewling cry of protest. Her eyes fluttered open, and she reached out for him. "Jayne... I can't..."

"Hang on," he muttered, lifting her up slightly. Her dress was pulled up and over her head, her bra unclasped and tossed aside. He dragged her panties down, and River kicked them off and away. She was completely wet, and smelled absolutely wonderful.

Breathing ragged, River lifted herself up onto her elbows as Jayne leaned down to kiss her belly button. She watched him lick a trail down to the junction of her thighs, and his breath was _right there,_ right over her. She trembled as he began to lick her softly. Her eyes were wide with surprise and wanting and _need._ Romance novels aside, she hadn't really thought people did this. He went slowly, methodically, tongue delving deep into the heart of her. River fell back against the quilts, her arms suddenly grown weak. She was consumed by the sensation of his tongue against her clit, his lips against her skin. He was being surprisingly gentle, and it shook her. River almost hadn't been sure he would treat her gently.

Jayne plunged his fingers back inside of her and he sucked on her clit. She let out a sharp cry, almost like a strangled wail, her entire body shaking. He could feel her body tighten around his fingers, could hear her breath leave her all at once.

She was barely moving, her breath coming in little gasps. "River?"

"Oh," she murmured softly. "Oh. That's what heaven feels like."

He gave her a strained smile, almost wanting to laugh. He'd rendered the genius speechless, and that didn't happen every day. He kissed her, soft and slow. "I'm ready to be made yours," River said softly when the kiss ended, her hands running down his back and slipping beneath the waist of his pants.

Jayne shuddered as her fingers brushed over his erection, sucking in a painful breath. "You sure? I hear it hurts, and I don't want to hurt you none."

"I am sure," she whispered, stroking his erection. "I am very sure."

They stripped his clothes, tossing them aside. She kissed his cheeks as he positioned himself back above her. He lifted her spread legs, the tip of his cock placed at her entrance. River took in a deep breath as Jayne shifted backward before driving in deep. She gasped, arching up. It was a dull throbbing ache deep within her, and she found herself squeezing his buttocks tight, nails digging into the skin.

"River?" Jayne asked in concern. With difficulty, he stopped moving.

"Oh," she whispered, releasing her grip. She moved her hands up his back to caress his shoulders. "I was surprised," she said, embarrassed. River kissed the tip of his nose playfully. "I am fine. There's no need to be so careful with me."

Jayne pulled her hips closer, feeling her tighten around him. She was warm and soft, tight around him like a velvet fist. He closed his eyes, head tipping forward as he tried to keep control. River could feel the intense pleasure in Jayne's thoughts, could feel the delight he was taking in her. It wasn't the same experience for her. Jayne was thrusting deeply inside of her, a painful yet not-painful feeling. His touch was comforting in a way River didn't know how to explain. She held him close, feeling him moving within her. He came with a hoarse cry, then collapsed on top of her. River held him close, stroking his back as he calmed.

Jayne rolled off of River and just sat there beside her for a long moment. As amazing as that had just been, he couldn't help but feel that he was a stupid fool. What had they been thinking? How could it ever work?

River touched his back, tracing the lines of muscle beneath the skin. She pushed herself up to a sitting position and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his shoulder blade. The warmth of him was comforting.

After a moment, Jayne shrugged her off and stood. He looked around for his clothes, feeling her eyes on him. He felt almost ashamed, and couldn't meet her gaze. "I'm sorry," he said after a long moment. He found his pants, one leg pulled almost inside out in his hurry. "It shoulda been better for your first time."

"It was perfect," River said, voice soft and gentle. Startled, Jayne looked up and met her eyes. Her gaze was clear, and there truly was no recrimination.

"There wasn't nothing nice about this, nothing fit for a Core girl," Jayne insisted.

Her lips curved into an almost smile. "You have caring for me, was gentle with me. You have shown me wondrous things. I don't need a storybook. I need someone with feeling, one who sees and feels all of me." A blush rose to her cheeks, and it was almost endearing. "You see me as woman, as a real woman, not as a weapon. There is feeling here."

If this was her way of saying she loved him, Jayne could handle that. The L word never did sit well with him.

He sat down on the quilt, pants in hand. "You are a real woman. Don't give me that weapon _go se._ I don't sex a weapon."

River grinned at him, and Jayne could feel his guard relax. She pounced then, pushing him onto his back, and straddled him. Jayne could feel his spent seed and her arousal on her thighs, and felt almost ashamed. He hadn't even thought about her, how she would get cleaned up and presentable to everyone out at the reunion.

"The captain asked if I was a girl or a weapon, as though I cannot be both."

"Well, that's just stupid," Jayne snorted, his hands settling on her back. He traced her spine with his fingertips and felt her shiver. "You got a gift. It's a talent, a skill. Just 'cause I got a skill with guns don't make me a gun. And just 'cause you got a skill with blades don't make you a blade. It means you know how to fight and not just be a crazy genius."

Her smile was soft and tender, and her fingertips ghosted over the skin of his chest. "Thank you."

"Ain't nothing but the truth. I don't got no fancy words for things."

"I know that now. I thought you were stone, that you could teach me not to feel. But you do feel, you do hurt and live and love. You are not stone, you are still flesh and bone. But you are strong in ways I am not, and you know things I do not." River leaned down over him, settling her head into the crook of his neck. "I know theory, you know action. This is why you are a most excellent teacher. You show me the error in the theory."

His hands stroked her back gently. "I ain't the best for that," he began. He would have to let her down kindly; she deserved better than he could give, and that was that. A rough and tumble Rim mercenary was no companion for a fancy bred Core girl, even if she had been cut up and changed into a psychic assassin. It just wasn't right.

"You are the best for me," River said firmly. She kissed the corner of his mouth. "No misplaced gallantry from you, Jayne. No man from Osiris could handle me. No one could be enough. Now I have seen beyond the glass cage they built for me, and I see that the 'verse is more than what I was told. I cannot go back to how things used to be. I cannot return to the girl I once was."

"And that means what?"

"If you'll have me," River began almost timidly, pulling back to meet his eyes, "I would be yours. Body and soul could join with you."

Something in his gut ached at the sound of her words, and his cock definitely twitched to attention. "I..."

"No quick decision!" River said, moving to cover his lips with her fingertips. "I do not want your sorrow or guilt to overshadow what could be. I..." A blush settled into her cheeks, and her smile was shy. "I don't want anyone else. I don't belong with anyone else. I had hoped you would sense it, too. I would be yours."

Aw, hell.

He rolled her over onto her back, and she let out a playful cry of surprise. She laughed up at him, delighted, her arms around his back. She squeezed him tightly, grinning at him all the while. God, could he really have that all the time?

"I'm an old man," Jayne warned her. "I'm old and cranky and scary."

"I will make you laugh and feel young again. I will be scared, and you can save me, and you can protect me from the blue in the walls."

He kissed her then, his crazy fairy girl, all big brown eyes and black hair and skin so pale it was almost clear. He didn't deserve her, yet here she was anyway. It was too hard to fight it anymore, and if the _chun_ girl said he was the one, then he was the one. His lips roamed her face, tracing the edges of her brows, her cheeks, her nose and her lips. His tongue ran down the outer rim of her ear and sent shivers down her spine. "My Jayne," she whispered happily. "My own man with the girl's name, deep as the ocean, calm as the sea."

"I ain't calm," he insisted. "I'm a mean, dirty old man twice your age."

"You will teach me well," River said, tracing his lips with her fingertips. "You will give me a home inside your heart, protect me from the rest of the 'verse. You can save me from myself, when the fears come to overtake me.

"Lemme teach ya, then." He kissed her, hands at either side of her head. He pushed himself up as their kiss ended and rose to his knees. He lifted her spread legs, the tip of his cock placed at her entrance. Jayne wasn't sure if now was the time, or if she was too sore to be sexed again. But her hands fell over his and squeezed gently.

"Please, Jayne," she whispered softly. "Make me yours."

Jayne shifted backward before driving in deep. River arched up, arms falling behind her. _Yes,_ her mind moaned. She wasn't sure if she could speak. She didn't feel the exquisite pleasure the romance novels promised, but she felt complete. Now she knew why Jayne would seek comfort from whores. It was the suggestion of more, the promise of a connection he had never had. Now this was the real thing, and she could feel the amazement in his touch against her skin. This was better than any false comfort he had received.

He pulled her hips closer, feeling her tighten around him. She felt like velvet, warm and soft, tight around him and pulling him in deeper. His strokes were long and slow, deliberate. Jayne wanted this feeling to last for eternity, the sound of River's incoherent moans to be memorized. If she ever woke up and left him, he knew he would be lost. He had tried to blind himself, but he knew the truth. He had fallen, and he had fallen hard. He thanked whatever forgotten deity that existed for this second chance. Most people that screwed up never got a chance to redeem themselves, never got a chance to earn happiness.

He wasn't going to let this go, not ever.

***  
***


	25. Wishing On A Star

Regan called the emergency number for Father. She had only used it once before, when very young and much more trusting. A boy had died as a result of that wave, and she could only hope that history was about to repeat itself.

He didn't appear as impeccably oily as he usually did. "Regan." His unruffled voice was still in place, without inflection.

"Father. I have news to report."

"I certainly hope so. You've never used this line before." He stared her down, and Regan swallowed down her pent-up fury.

"Your men have broken the Covenant."

"Excuse me?"

"Grace and Merchant entered my home to pick up my son." Regan was trembling with her rage, and her practiced unfocused gaze snapped into focus. "This is not allowed!"

"There must have been reason..."

"I have only one son!" Regan screeched. "One child, one. They would have destroyed my son!"

"They must have been searching for his sister," Father said mildly, his careful mask sliding into place. But Regan had already seen the surprise in his eyes, and moved to press the point. He was off his center, and now was the time to strike.

"I have followed the Covenant. I have obeyed to the letter. Have I not been a good daughter? Have I not done all you asked of me? I did not feel well, but they came into my home with their tools of death. They walked in with gloves and tools, they would have killed my child. There is no sister, not anymore. I've done as you bid, Father. I have not disobeyed!"

"Regan," he began placatingly. "I will look into this. You've done well throughout the years, in that you are correct. I will find out what happened. It will not do to upset you like this, so soon after your illness."

Regan bowed her head. "We are not well here, Father. Simon is still weak, unable to walk. Gabriel hasn't yet been to work."

"We will make sure you are well cared for."

She looked up, eyes wet with unshed tears. "I have tried so hard, Father."

"I know, Regan," he soothed. His voice was an oil slick, coating her mind with filth. "I will get to the bottom of this. We cannot have you upset like this. Remember the last time you were upset. Anne paid for that, did she not?"

Regan's face hardened. "I remember."

There was a flash of alarm before it was smoothed over. "Well then."

"Something must be done about them. They make me upset, Father. I can't keep control. I keep worrying they will return, they will come back and take my only child from me."

"That won't happen, Regan," he said, voice smooth and thick as honey. "All will be well. They will be disciplined, and will not return to you."

She bowed her head. "Thank you, Father."

"All will be well, Regan. Keep control, and all will be well."

"I will try."

When the wave connection was cut, she drifted outside. Everyone else was huddled around a small screen Kaylee had rigged to display the wave Regan had initiated.

"This Project..." Mal began.

"This will not set them back. There are others. Merchant and Grace were but two, and there are others to fill the void."

"Two by two, hands of blue," Simon said softly, looking at his mother in wonder. "River had been frightened of them."

"Their wands are sonic disruptors. It's a painful death, slow and bloody. In lower settings, it's a potent torture device."

Mal looked away from Regan's calm face and looked at Gabriel. "And Anne? What happened?"

"She suicided," Regan said calmly, voice oddly flat.

"How is that your fault, then?" Mal challenged.

"I survived. It's always my fault. It's how they work," Regan said softly. Her eyes were locked to Gabriel's. "It's the kind of cruelty they live on."

"Will those two really die?" Gabriel asked.

"I hope so. But there are others. And whatever those two had deduced will be passed on."

"They know we're the key," Simon mused, "but they don't know for sure."

"The longer we stay here, the more we endanger you," Zoe said, voice low.

"You are safest here for now," Gabriel said.

But it was only a matter of time before they found River, and they all knew that.

"They'll follow us," Mal said. "They're sure to expect us to run to River."

"We don't even know where she is!" Simon burst out. "How did they expect us to tell them?"

"You didn't know," Zoe said softly.

"What?"

"Mal and I know where she's at, who she's with, what the plan is."

Simon grasped the situation quickly. "She's not marrying that ape."

"Plan was for his brother," Mal responded mildly, not liking Simon's harsh tone. "We did as necessary. Not too many options to be had two weeks ago, if you recall."

"She's tagged anyway," Regan said suddenly. All eyes turned to her. "The moment she gets medical treatment or applies for any kind of license, she'll be found."

Simon's jaw locked. "We need to get to her first."

"You're not listening," Mal ground out, irritated. "She's tagged and we're being watched. Use that brain of yours and think."

"Isn't 'Nara supposed to be back soon?" Kaylee asked. She looked at everyone in turn. "Maybe she got a contact that can help."

"She's off Companioning," Mal said, voice flat.

"It was paperwork on Shinon," Kaylee countered, waving him off. "We'll fill her in and she'll help. She likes River. She'll want to help."

"Now _mei mei..."_

"It's shiny, Cap'n. I'll talk to her. She knows lots of people. I'm sure she can find us a ship."

"I ain't leaving Serenity here!" Mal roared.

"They prob'ly tagged her, too," Kaylee reasoned. She shrugged as all eyes turned to her. "I'd do it if I wanted to follow someone stealthy."

Mal's shoulders seemed to deflate somewhat. "I know you can do it, Kaylee. You can find the tags and take 'em off..."

"It'll go faster if River's here to help me find them." She noticed Regan opening and closing her mouth, but ignored it. "And then we'll be shiny for the run against the Academy, Cap'n."

He goggled at her. "What?"

"She's not safe anywhere until that place is shut down," Zoe said, voice low. "There are others there as well. She wasn't the only one."

"You said you don't approve of the Alliance trying to make people better," Regan began, voice low. Her gaze seemed far away. "They're still trying. They haven't learned their lesson yet. They still meddle."

"Meddle or not, how are we going to do this?" Mal asked. His voice was harsh and his lips were pressed into a tight line. "I don't aim on dying on this."

"You don't have to," Regan said softly. "But someone else does. Someone always has to pay, someone always dies. The price to freedom is bought in blood. You can wish upon a star, but that doesn't make it not true."

"You know, you are seriously creepifying," Mal replied, shaking his head.

Her eyes seemed to be bottomless pools threatening to devour them whole. "When you see the infinite, sometimes the abyss is carried back with you."

Simon was blinking in surprise. "There are some things I could have lived without knowing about my mother. That is one of them." He shook his head and smiled wanly at Kaylee when she slipped a hand into his.

Gabriel cleared his throat. "Either way, it takes a lot of money to hide and sneak around." He looked down at the blank wave screen. "There's some money in the safe. You can use it. I'm not sure if there are any blank credsticks here, but if I do have one, you can have it."

Mal was nodding. "Makes sense. Feels like we're starting a war, and wars don't come cheap. In lives or in credits."

"Especially if we're hiring another ship that might not make it," Zoe added, voice deadpan.

"The path to war is not forged in peace, but in blood," Regan intoned, standing. "Remember that. Painted red and black, the blood of a thousand suns within its hull."

They all watched her leave. Mal turned to Gabriel, expression incredulous. "And you lived with that for how many years again?"

***

River stretched, feeling the muscle pull from head to toe. She thought of Jayne, her skin warming with memory. He had kissed her cheeks and cleaned her up with his inside shirt. He made sure she was better before leaving to look for the twins. She definitely felt cared for, as though she had somehow begun to give his life meaning again. The thought makes something inside her jump, a flare of hope she had not felt in years. He would say stupid things, she knew. Maybe he wouldn't mean to, but he would. He couldn't help it; he acted before he thought. But he cared, and it was in his touch along her skin. He couldn't help but care, couldn't help but worry. She was his now, just as he was hers.

The thought was blinding and scary, ferocious and humbling. Their lives were entwined now, for better or for worse.

He could handle it, she knew. He was more than capable. When the time came, River knew they would be ready.

Smiling softly to herself, River got dressed and headed out of the barn.

***

Simon grit and teeth and tried again. One step, then two. That rat bastard physical therapist wouldn't need to go anywhere near him for a while if he could just figure out this walking thing on his own. It couldn't be that difficult. He had done it once before just fine, so he knew he could do it again. Top three percent had to count for something, after all.

He had the guide rails in a white knuckled grip. It _hurt_ and _burned_ in ways he hadn't thought possible. He had never had to think of a patient's pain before; pain specialists always took care of that in hospitals. It wasn't until Serenity that he had become a patient for the first time and had to deal with pain. This was different than when he had gotten shot at or punched in the face. This was a deep-seated burn, an ache that simply wouldn't die a graceful death. This was a burn that left people defeated.

He bit back a curse and took another step. He wouldn't let it happen. There was an Academy to take down, a sister to rescue from an unfeeling man-ape that would break her in two rather than help her. It wasn't Jayne's place to help River anyway, it was Simon's. She was his _mei mei,_ his responsibility. She would always be his responsibility, even when stable and old and married. That's just the way it was.

Simon roared with pain and took another step. He would _make_ it work if he had to, and would force himself back into shape. He had forced an exhausted and caffeine-ridden body into the top three percent, and he could do it again if he had to.

He thought of the layout of the building that housed the Academy. There were so many steps, so many stairs and corridors and doors and hallways. So much walking to do, so much shooting and demolitions to be done.

"You're halfway there," Kaylee said encouragingly from the other side of the walkway. She was sketching out different kinds of bomb designs.

She would be scary if she wasn't so _gorram_ cute.

Simon smiled at her the best he could. "I'm trying, Kaylee."

"I know. And if you get here, I got a surprise for you."

"Huh?" Simon paused, panting. He looked up in time to see Kaylee cross her legs. Beneath her skirt, she was bare to the skin.

Simon gulped and redoubled his efforts.

***

Inara smiled at General Julian Chang. They had met years ago, when had hired her as a Companion for a reunion party. He had sacrificed much in the course of his career, and had never even properly mourned the loss of his wife during the birth of their third child. Julian's three sons were also career military, though his youngest was in engineering as opposed to intelligence or combat. He had never admitted it, but he had always pampered his youngest son just a little. Evangeline Chang had been his lotus blossom, his beloved wife and confidante. Julian's two eldest sons resembled him a little too much, and Gregory Chang was the son that looked the most like her. He had always said that Evangeline had given up her spirit to gift it to Gregory.

She poured tea and bowed her head toward Julian. "You honor me with this visit, General."

"Miss Serra, polite as always." Julian picked up the teacup and sipped delicately at the fragrant jasmine tea. "It was most perplexing to decipher your communique."

"I know you are not often given to sentiment."

"Not because I do not have them, Miss Serra, but because time does not permit it."

"I understand." She looked up at him, her smile somewhat wilted. "I had always believed in my position. I honored my role and my profession, even when I saw much that I did not agree with and could not honor. I know my duty, and I know what I do is right."

"It was never enough," Julian observed, replacing the teacup in its saucer.

"Not all the time," Inara hedged.

"You asked for a private space, for silence and secrecy. You have it."

"I have discovered much that I cannot abide by," Inara began slowly. "I need help to correct the corruption I have seen, and I don't know where to turn."

"Why have you come to me?" Julian asked, leaning back in his seat. His face was composed, but Inara could see the twinkle of curiosity in his eyes. Retirement did not sit well with him at all; he was too used to action and combat.

"Do you remember the broadcast wave about Miranda?"

His eyes narrowed slightly at the redirection. "Yes."

"I was there. I saw it. I had helped the others that found that disc." Inara sipped her own tea when she realized her voice was shaking. "There are other things that our government has done in the name of good works."

"What are you asking?"

"I trust you," Inara said slowly, looking up at Julian. "I honor you. I believe you are a good man, a good general, and a believer in the Articles."

"I have served the Alliance and the Articles of Freedom with every fiber of my being for over sixty years," Julian replied. He leaned forward and looked Inara in the eyes. "What else have they done in the name of society?"

"I don't even know the whole of it, but I do know some of it," Inara said, voice shaking. "They have taken children, experimented on them. They perform eugenics. They've created assassins and black ops soldiers. I don't know how to believe in this anymore."

Julian looked at Inara heavily. "What if I was one of them? You suggest treason, do you not?"

She looked up at him miserably. "Yes. Yes, I do. I trust you, General. Julian. I trust you. I trust you more than the Guild, more than myself. You are one of the few people I _know_ are incorruptible and true."

He quietly took her hand in his. He looked at the curve of her hand, the shape of her fingers and the painted nails. Evangeline's hand had looked like that once when it rested in his. She had trusted in him as well, had placed her faith and life in his hands.

"Inara. Tell me everything, from beginning to last. Some good must come of this, and I cannot plan action if I do not know everything."

Her smile of relief was painful. Julian used to wonder how long it would take for her to collapse like this, and what it would be once she finally broke.

He wasn't looking forward to finding out.

***

Victoria found Jayne and headed over to him right away. "Uncle Jayne!"

"Vicky! Let me see that hand."

She gave him her right hand obediently. "Vi said you sounded worried. Did you find River?"

He managed to keep his riotous body under control. "Yeah. Got things squared away."

"She's better now?"

Jayne tried not to think of the way she sounded as he tasted her, as she had writhed beneath him in the hayloft. "Yeah. Things are shiny."

"Oh good. I was worried. We're friends now," she added unnecessarily. "They were being mean and making fun of her. She can't help how she talks, she's not from around here. So of course she don't got our accents."

"Looks all right," Jayne pronounced, dropping his niece's hand. "Must've done a number on that kid's face, though."

Victoria grinned, and Jayne thought it was an expression eerily reminiscent of Christina. "Oh yeah. River got us doing forms and training and stuff. Never let us hit a board or nothing, but it flowed all kinds of natural when I smacked his face."

"Don't tell your Gramma I said this, but good job."

Victoria gave him a swift hug. "Thanks, Uncle Jayne. That'll teach him to be mean to girls."

Jayne pulled her close. "Yep. Just be careful. Hit the wrong way, and you crack your knuckles open. They take forever to heal."

"A little ice made 'em feel all better. I could punch another dozen boys if I have to."

Jayne laughed along with her. "Hope you don't have to."

"Me, too," Victoria admitted. "It was kinda nice talking with kids my own age for a spell, you know? There was nobody to talk to before but Vi. And sometimes she gets boring. Oh! Don't tell her I said that. She'll cry."

"Somehow I don't think so," Jayne said dryly. "Now, you git and have a good time. Lots of cousins to talk to other than Henry and them."

She smiled sunnily up at Jayne. "Okay. It's not so bad today, is it? I'm having a grand time. I don't know why I was so scared before."

"Yeah." Jayne thought of River, her shy blush and the way she had held him. "Don't know. Sometimes you're more afraid of the idea of something than the thing itself."

Victoria eyed him strangely. "You know, I don't know why everyone says you're dumb. Not book smart, but you ain't dumb."

"Thanks. I think."

Victoria laughed, then ran off toward the rest of the party.

Jayne blinked and suddenly felt very old. When had his life gotten so complicated? He turned and saw River at the doorway to the barn. She looked almost uncertain as she hesitated at the threshold. He caught her eye, and she smiled at him. Something in his gut twisted, a feeling he couldn't quite identify. He walked back to her, not sure why he was doing it. "You doing okay?" he asked, voice betraying his concern.

River's hand found his and squeezed tightly. "I am now."

"You'll be all right. It just takes a bit to settle in. Nothing's different."

"I feel like it should be."

Jayne shook his head. "The 'verse don't change just 'cause you're grown up."

Her eyes seemed to dance at him. "No. I've done the changing."

"Just so. Now, Ma will be mighty angry if you're not out there to eat up her food. She's plenty particular about that. She's constantly telling me how thin you are."

She pressed a kiss to his lips. "Yours is a kind soul."

Jayne stepped back. "No, it ain't. Don't go fooling yourself."

"Kind is not exclusive. You show kindness to those you love, terror to those you don't. You shelter me, hold my spirit." She smiled at him almost tenderly, and he found himself almost afraid of that smile. "We compliment, do we not?"

"Things ain't that simple."

"No. But for a moment, I'd like to think so."

Jayne almost kicked himself for being so mean to her. It wasn't her fault, really. Girls always were sentimental about sexing. "Fair enough. Let's get going." He led her away from the barn and back toward the family reunion.

Damn if he wasn't getting sentimental in his old age.

***  
***


	26. Reap What You Sow

Stuffed full of wonderful cooking, River sat down on the rickety swing set near the garden. She could feel the ghostly laughter of children long dead, and leaned her head against the old chains holding the swing together. The sun beat down on her, warm and bright. In the past year, she had seen the sun again, lived and breathed and _known,_ and she almost couldn't remember what her life had been like on Osiris. Simon remembered, she knew. Simon always remembered, always beat himself up over what couldn't be helped. No one had known about the Academy, and no one could be blamed for what happened. River didn't even blame her mother, not really. Whatever her mother might have guessed, Regan hadn't known for sure. There was so little Regan could have done, anyway. Any defiance would have cost them all their lives.

She smiled to herself. No, she could regret nothing that had happened on the way to that very moment. All the pain and misery she had suffered had bought her a brighter future, that was the way of it. It had led her to Jayne.

There was the crunch of gravel beneath wary feet. River opened her eyes and saw a remorseful Kara Grady approach hesitantly, hands in her pockets.

"Er... hi."

"Hello, Kara Eloise Grady."

Kara seemed discomfited, and looked down at her feet. "Sorry about before."

"What specifically are you referring to? Baiting me into speaking truly or baiting Victoria into striking your cousin?"

Kara flushed at the sharp words. "Both, I guess. I didn't mean nothin' by none of it. You know, just foolin' and such. We wasn't really meanin' for nothin' bad to happen."

_I regret nothing,_ River thought, still able to feel Jayne's kiss on her lips. "Sit and speak."

Kara picked her way from the garden path to the swings. "Look, I just... Viola said you didn't have no family anymore."

"Just one brother, and he is ill," River confirmed with a nod. She watched Kara sit beside her on the swing set and loop her arms around the chains. "He is very far away," she whispered.

"Sorry," Kara murmured. She tucked her short black hair behind her ears and looked down at her battered sneakers. "We were our own little group for a while, ya know? Just us the same age and doin' all the same stuff. We're the only kids in our part of town, ya know? So we don't get on well with adults shoving new people at us."

"Novelty helps us grow."

"You see now? Stuff like that... how's we supposed to respond? You keep using all sorts of big ol' words and sometimes we don't get it."

River looked away, past Kara's irritated gaze. "I went to a special school when the university wasn't able to keep up with me. They didn't like me there, anyway. Jealous that I was half their age and had fewer problems with the material. They were happy to see me go." River looked at Kara's questioning gaze. "The new school was worse than the first. There were many problems, and it was best that I no longer attend."

"Your parents weren't too happy, I guess. My Ma's all about stayin' in school and doin' good, but it just don't make no sense. Ain't like there's much to do here."

"My parents no longer consider me their daughter. I no longer belong to them."

Kara's eyes were wide. "No. Nobody's Ma or Pa would do that!"

"Mine did."

Kara covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes wide as saucers. "Ohmigosh, I'm so sorry."

"There is much you don't know," River said, voice soft.

"We didn't mean nothing! We didn't! We thought you was making it all up, is all."

"I was not boasting. I was joining in the conversation. I never had friends my own age before."

Impulsively, Kara grabbed River's hand. "Let's go, then. Why don't you show us what you meant, and all that stuff. Have you shot a bow before?" River shook her head. "It's in the back of the truck with Horace's pistol. I can show you how. I like it loads better than shooting and stuff. I'm a good eye at it," Kara added, grinning with pride. "Five straight shots at the Yarsbrook Fair every year, and first prize with my name on it."

River smiled gently. "It would be nice." _No electroshock as punishment for missing, no forms practice, no isolation for failure..._

"Let's go, then. Bein' good with yer hands is one thing, but gettin' 'em before they even come near ya is smarter sense. But them city folk think it's horrific to shoot something, don't they? I'd like to see 'em out here where folk don't got that sense."

River laughed. "They would be so out of place."

"No kidding," Kara said with a grin, tugging on River's hand. "Come on now, no hiding. Can't shoot none of Auntie Vera's pumpkins or she'll tan our hides. We can chalk a target on the barn door for practice."

"Let's get Viola and Victoria."

Kara made a face. "They're the ones that made me come out here."

"They didn't make you offer to show me how to shoot."

Kara stopped and shrugged. "Ain't right, is all. I can't imagine life without kin. Must be lonely."

River thought of the cryobox, the empty passenger dorm and the endless reaches of space beyond ship windows. "Yes, it is."

***

"There is hope for even you."

Simon's jaws clicked shut. "I won't even pretend to know what you're talking about."

"You are not the evil you hope to be, you know." Regan's voice was soft, almost caressing, and it was hard for him to tune out. Some part of him refused to believe that any of this was real. His mother was not a Teller, his sister was not a Reader, and there was no large conspiracy surrounding their family. This was merely a bad dream, something that would go away if he could just wake up. "It will not work. You cannot kill, even for justice and righteousness. You cannot do it."

"So then what?" he asked through grit teeth. He probably should not have pushed himself as hard as he had. But the reward at the time...

"It won't be you, not for a long time, not until truly pressed. You know your worth. It is not justice that will make you kill. You cannot shed in cold blood."

"Of course not!" Simon snapped. "I'm a doctor!"

Regan looked away. "Yes, you are. You know your books and journals and files. You know your craft, just as I know mine. There is no _one_ knowledge. There is no truth, no fixation. There is nothing but time and blood and hope."

Simon clenched his jaw. This was why he hadn't really spent time with her as a child. She hadn't made sense, and at other times she seemed ill. He was never really comfortable with disease, with dealing with uncertainty. That was part of the draw of medicine. Tests found answers, his tools removed problems. Everything was solved, and everything could be neatly filed away. That was also part of why he had hated his psychiatry rotation so much. There was too much uncertainty and nuance, too much art to the science. It was too ironic that he had been forced to become River's psychiatrist when he had so little background in it.

"She is well. All is well, all will be well." Regan held his hand and squeezed it tightly, trying to be comforting. "There is no need to worry over her safety."

But of course Simon worried. He would always worry. It was what he did best.

"There are other things than propriety and bloodshed. There are other ways to do what you need to do," Regan said softly, patting his arm. "You have a sense, buried deep, of what you need to do. Gabriel's family always did. That's what made them so appropriate."

Simon turned back to his mother with a jaundiced gaze. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have other gifts than just medicine, Simon. You always did."

He pondered that in her wake, but couldn't figure it out. In time, the answer would leap out at him, but for now he remained confused. He hated that feeling.

***

River watched Horace chalk a bull's eye on the side of the barn door. Most of the teenagers were clustered around. Kara was by far the best archer, with cousin Yeardley as a second. After him were Aralia Cooper of the Tanner clan, Hector Keyline, Juniper Grady and Tim Keyline. Most of the others preferred pistols to archery, and they set up a separate bull's eye for the contest. River took in Horace's self-satisfied smirk and allowed Victoria to sign her up for both challenges. It was merely physics after all. She could win this.

Most of the adults were clustered around, plates in hand and talking about the past few years' changes in the family. Jayne drifted closer to Mattie, Caro, Alex, Elric, George and Terri. They were his closest cousins and brother. Other than Jared Hunter and Seth Darcy, they'd all been pretty close. Before Jayne had quit school, he, Jared and Seth had been the rabble-rousing threesome all the teachers had been on the lookout for. Now he was old and alone, Jared was dead and Seth was married with a passel of kids to look after.

Time aged everyone.

"Fear and lies melt away, and the angels inside form a sanctuary for your heart," River murmured, brushing past Jayne to the archer's line. She smiled at Mattie and Caro, then nodded her head at the others. She strolled past, as if she hadn't said anything.

Jayne wondered what it said about him that crazy Riverspeak almost made sense to him now.

Kara went first, short black hair swinging in the wind. She let loose with her first arrow, hitting the target dead center. The next two arrows followed the first. She grinned, bowing at the clapping crowd, then passed her compound bow to River. "Know how to use it?"

River eyed the weapon and tried to fit it in her hands. "It's not familiar to me. I know in theory how it should work, but it was not a weapon of choice."

Kara snorted. She demonstrated the proper positioning for River, who copied her exactly. "It's easy, it's graceful. Better'n any bullet device."

River looked down the sight as Kara explained how the aim worked. She let the first arrow fly, and it was off of center, toward the right and above the target. "The sight is off."

Kara blinked in surprise. "Heh? What?"

"The sight must be corrected. It lists toward the right." River peered at the compound bow. "It was dropped. The sight's connection bolt is cracked."

Kara blinked again. "Horace done drop-kicked it once when I was ten and beat his ass in aim. How could you tell that just by lookin'?"

River pointed out the crack in the bow as some of the other teens behind them began hooting and calling out Kara's name. "It is not formed well." _One broken thing to another, we call out to ourselves and find a home..._

"Huh. Never noticed. I guess I just adjusted my aim some."

River mentally calculated the arc of the arrow's fall and the angle to adjust from the bent sight and then smiled at Kara graciously. "It is merely a minor correction," she murmured, letting the second arrow fly. It fell true to center, and Kara's mouth fell open in shock. "And it's physics, arc and fall, gravity's pull and the height of the top of the arc. I told you," River said, pulling the next arrow from Kara's quiver, "it's all physics." She placed the bolt into the bow and let it go once more, the arrow slicing through air to fall to center.

A hush fell over the teens, and River turned to Kara with a soft smile. "Even acoustics, sound and music and speech, is a matter of physics. That's what attracted me to the science in the very beginning. The sound of a piano scale, the golden notes, the waveforms and the pitch... You can find it in archery as well."

"I didn't think it was science."

"Everything can be," River replied, handing over the bow. "If you see it, if you want to."

"That's why nobody liked you at that university," Kara guessed, looking at River's face. "Because you could see it easy, and they worked at it."

"They had no instinct for it. They lived in formula but could not live with it. They didn't truly understand what they studied."

"And you could."

"I still do, though my speech patterns are off center as your bow's sight is."

"Studyin' can do it to ya."

_So could rearranged synapses,_ River thought. She looked out at the murmuring adults and teenagers. "The secret's out, then."

"This why your parents couldn't keep ya?"

River turned back to Kara. "Imagine a whole school with students like myself. Imagine what an elite group of government officials could do."

The other girl shivered. "They'll be after you."

"They always are."

***

Kaylee drifted through the hallways of the Tam estate. Inara had sent a message back, that she had met with an old friend for tea and would be delayed. Kaylee could hear the message within the message, and had grinned and waved Inara off. The Companion seemed to be tired and withdrawn, as though the subterfuge hurt her now. Kaylee stuffed her hands in her pockets and felt the small utility knife in the bottom of the deep right pocket. It was comforting, a reminder of her trade. _I fix things, I make 'em sit up an' do tricks,_ she thought to herself. It was a role to play, a way she was useful on Serenity.

She didn't like the idea of keeping Serenity docked on Osiris, but she knew how it would go if they didn't. She'd seen it in vids and movie captures. The bad trade corporations would track the innocent with tracer chips, and the hero would have to work twice as hard to get out of the jam they stuck him in. She'd watched thousands of captures like that as a child. She had stayed up late, after her parents were in bed, and watched all of the late night features.

Kaylee had never dreamed her real life would be like a capture.

There were no servants in this part of the house. The paintings on the wall were old, with a thin film of dust over the gilt frames. The doors were all locked and the hallways seemed empty and still, almost sad. It could've just been Kaylee's imagination, since she had plenty of that. But it seemed to her that if houses could be sad, this part of the house would have been. Kaylee pulled her hands out of her pockets and touched the signature of a painting on the wall.

_Solaire Tam,_ painted in bright white swirling script.

In all of Gabriel's stories of the mighty past generations of Tams, he had never mentioned a painter among them. Kaylee tried another door, and it was locked. A few more doors, and she finally found one that opened.

It opened out into a walled-off garden to the side of the house. After a moment, Kaylee decided it was behind the storage sheds that the servants used. It was wild and overgrown, but must have once been tended. It looked like it was once a private park, with flowers everywhere. She plucked a few blossoms and tucked them into her hair. She strolled back toward the main part of the house, the few rooms that were kept up on a regular basis. It seemed awful lonely to have two people rocketing about in such a large house. Kaylee would've filled it with friends and family and a passel of kids to make lots of noise or play music. The silence within the walls seemed almost ominous and fearsome.

She met Simon out in the backyard, where he was trying to do pushups on the lawn.

_"Bao bei?"_ Kaylee called out, so as not to startle him.

Simon pushed himself onto his side, panting. "Oh good. A break."

Kaylee grinned at him. "Ever hear of a Solaire Tam?"

Simon thought for a moment. "I think that's my great-grandmother. She was a consummate hostess, I think. Why?"

"She was a painter, too," Kaylee said as she plopped gracelessly onto the grass beside him. "I didn't know you had painters in the family."

Simon shook his head. "I think I would've heard of that..."

"I found it in a back hallway of the house."

Simon pushed himself up to a sitting position. "You went back there? We were never allowed as children. Father always said we would break something." He looked over Kaylee and saw the flowers in her hair. "We don't have those in the garden."

"I found a secret one," she replied with a grin. "Wanna go for a walk?"

"I don't know if I can make it without the chair yet..."

"Use the crutches," Kaylee ordered, pushing herself to a stand. "It's a wild garden and no one knows where it's at but me." She grinned saucily at Simon. "Think of what we can get up to in a garden all alone..."

Laughing, he let Kaylee pull him up to a standing position. "All right. Show me this place in my own house I don't know about."

"Well, it was a lady's garden. You can tell by the flowers, you know. Somehow I don't think your daddy would know stuff like that."

As they walked back toward the house, Simon remembered the name Solaire Tam. His great-grandmother had been the consummate hostess, renowned investor and hopeless romantic of the family. Gabriel had once said she could be fearsome if she put her mind to it, and that she had put the fear of the afterlife into him. Gabriel's mother had died in an accident when he was young, so Solaire had been the one to drill propriety into him. _Sometimes, you don't want your Gram knowing what you're up to at the crack of dawn. She always knew, and always told me to be proper. She said it would come in handy for times when I couldn't be proper any longer. I didn't know what she meant until I got older..._

Other than that, Simon didn't know too much about her. But now that he was thinking, everyone seemed to hint at someone in the Tam family having some kind of otherworldly sense. Why not this great-grandmother that had once terrified his father? Why not?

Kaylee took him through a maze of hallways he had once known like the back of his hand. He and River used to play hide and seek in the hallways on weekends, before schools became complex and mysterious. There was something at the back of his mind, tugging at his memory.

_"Simon, you boob! You would've knocked over great-grandmother's favorite vase!" River screeched in her child's voice._

Simon had run after her and turned the corner too sharply. "Oh, it'll be fine," he insisted.

"Father will be mad, you know that. Come on, let's go play with the fern lilies."

"River..."

"What? Afraid of a few flowers? You make them grow all the time."

"Hush, no one's supposed..."

"Oh, who will I tell? Father doesn't want you mucking about in dirt anyways. But where else will the ground troops be? You need to play General, Simon. I put the soldiers in the dirt, and you need to make them grow now."

Simon blinked, and the years of dust settled back over his vision. He stumbled after Kaylee, laughing and skipping all the way.

He remembered now, the feeling of the dirt beneath his hands in the garden, the life teeming within it. Simon could remember the tingling in his hands and the humming in his ears. Years later he would feel it again in the operating theater, scalpel in hand. _Life,_ the feel of it between his fingers. He remembered the ring he found in the back patch of the garden, the sliver of bone still within its circle. He remembered the shock on River's face, only six, and he remembered telling her never to come back to that part of the house. They played Alliance and Independents in the living room after that, or the den. They never wandered into the back hallways after that. There had been tales of a mysterious man that had visited his grandmother in the dead of night that had never returned to his family on Londinium. There had been tales of a mysterious fortune that Solaire had managed to acquire.

Simon remembered feeling the bone in hand and knowing that the tales had been lies.

His grandmother hadn't died in an accident coming back to Osiris from Londinium. She had never left Osiris, had never planned on leaving her husband or son. She had originally been planning to have a large family, a sweeping legacy to oversee the height of the Osiris society families. She had always planned on helping Solaire and becoming the next Tam matriarch. But then the stranger from Londinium had visited her husband. He made comments on her son. He stayed overnight and forced his way into her bed. Solaire singlehandedly slit his throat and hid the body. Simon's grandmother had felt shattered by the event and retreated to the garden. She huddled in the corner as Solaire explained the story she had concocted, but his grandmother couldn't listen to it, couldn't move past her violation. She seized Solaire's knife and slit her own throat.

Simon had been holding his grandmother's hand in the garden.

_You didn't think River was the only special one, did you?_ his mind mocked. _ Mother always said each of you carried a special gift. You always thought yours was medicine and hers was physics..._

He followed Kaylee into the overgrown garden, Solaire's private retreat. His feet took him to pale pink and towering Rose of Sharon in the center of the garden. If he touched the trunk and _looked_ for it, he would be able to feel Solaire's pruning shears against the bark. If he plunged his hands into the dirt, he would be able to feel the stones being laid into it to mark the pathway. If he looked, he would find his grandmother's bones beneath the dirt in the back corner and could feel the triumphs and despairs within her life.

"Simon?" Kaylee asked, uncertain.

"I remember," Simon whispered, his voice shaking. The crutches fell away from his hands. "I remember everything."

***  
***


	27. Coming Of Age

River laughed as she found herself surrounded by Jayne's various cousins and relatives, all of whom thought she had somehow been trained by Kara in advance. Jayne hung back with Mattie, an eye following River's every move. It didn't go unnoticed by Vera.

"What are you thinking?" Mattie asked him, voice pitched low. Caro didn't even hear him.

"She fits in here, don'tcha think?" Jayne replied, voice just as low.

"I get the feeling she could fit in wherever she wants to." Jayne thought of the Cockney accent she had used with Badger and simply nodded. "Now the question is, where d'_you_ want her to fit in?"

"Whatcha mean by that?"

"Are you planning on leaving her here or taking her with you? 'Cause you can't hide a girl like that for long, and not from the Alliance."

Jayne shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground. "Hadn't thought that far yet. We just wanted her far enough away while her brother got help."

"Well, it's been two weeks now. I think it's safe to assume her brother's in the hospital, right?" He waited until Jayne's reluctant nod. "Then it's time to make your move."

Jayne's head shot up and he stared at his brother. "What?"

Mattie laughed. "You don't see it, do you?"

"See what?"

"Jayne, _look at her._ I mean, really look." Jayne slid his gaze over to River, who was gesturing as she was speaking. It was a graceful arc of her hand, and it looked like she was explaining how she was able to make such a clean shot.

"Yeah? So?"

Mattie sighed. "You're hopeless, big brother," he said. "Jayne, she's _perfect_ for you."

He reacted as if shot. _"What?"_

Mattie laughed at Jayne's expression, and it caught Caro's attention. She turned from Elric and shot the two of them a questioning glance. Mattie waved her off as he laughed, and she turned back to Elric. "You are just _dense,_ aren't you? She's perfect. She's great with weapons, she's gorgeous, she's _gorram_ brilliant and you know exactly what you're up against with her. It looks like she can keep you on your toes. That's just the thing you need in a wife, Jayne. You need someone to keep you interested for the long haul."

"I ain't the marryin' kind, Mattie," Jayne warned. "And I'm too old."

Mattie snorted and waved over Vera. "Ma, we got the perfect solution."

"No we _don't,"_ Jayne hissed as his mother came over. "Don't you say nothin'."

"I can guess, sweetie," Vera said, patting his arm. "Don't think I didn't see you lookin', and don't think I didn't think it already."

Jayne flushed. "Ain't right."

"Just think on it. After all, do you think any of those boys over there understand what's goin' on? Do you think one of your cousins can do it?"

His gut twisted at the thought of anyone else's hands on River's pale skin. He didn't want to think about her smiling at any one of them, at her touching anyone else. He _couldn't_ let it happen, much as he wasn't sure it could actually work between them.

Vera patted his arm. "Your daddy didn't think we would work either. And you know what I told him all those years ago?" Jayne shook his head. He had never known that Theodore Cobb ever had doubts about Vera. He remembered his father singing Vera's praises to anyone that would listen at church. "I told him that we got nothin' to lose but time together. You got to take the chance if you want it, Jayne. Stop thinkin' with your head on that part. I can see that look," she added as Jayne was about to speak. "You look just like your daddy on that point. Scary, ain't it, Mattie? It's like Theo's ghost gone come back to say hello."

"Don't say that," Jayne replied, remembering how River could see ghosts.

Vera shrugged. "You got the right to be happy, Jayne. I want you happy. She's a sweet girl."

A sweet girl that could kill Reavers singlehandedly, Jayne wanted to say. He held his tongue and merely looked over at River. "I don't know if I can," he said honestly. "Things ain't that easy."

Vera clucked her tongue. "Good things never are. Think I regret anything that happened with your daddy? Ever?"

"When he got drunk and stupid, prob'ly."

She swatted the back of his head. "Hush now. I'm sure you done gone drunk and stupid yourself out there in the black. I ain't stupid now. But I mean... even knowing he'd die the way he did, that I'd have all these years alone, that I'd only have you an' Mattie left... I regret nothing. You can't go thinkin' on what-ifs. You spend your life doin' nothing that way. And I don't want that for you, Jayne. You done enough of that already."

Jayne looked at his mother in surprise. "What?"

"Tell me you forgive yourself for what happened to Tina and Jared. Tell me and mean it."

Jayne's eyes slid away. "I don't know..."

"And you got to. You can't regret, Jayne. You got a right to be happy. These things... they hurt, they do. But you can't be trapped by it. You can't let it control you. I want you to have what I had with Tim. You do deserve it, Jayne."

Jayne watched River begin to dance with Hector Keyline to Caro's recordings. Her grin looked downright infectious.

"I'll think on it," he promised his mother and brother.

***

General Julian Chang smiled gently at Inara's sleeping form. She was so worried about doing the right thing. She didn't like the endless amounts of bureaucratic subterfuge; it was part of the reason why she had left the Core in the first place. Julian pulled a blanket up over her shoulders and let her sleep. It sounded like she had needed something different, and the chain of events taking place in the past few months had been enough to revitalize her zeal.

He walked into his office. He could make a few discreet inquiries. He knew enough honorable old men who would love to return to service. They were old enough and revered enough to be able to pick and choose their battles. Julian knew this was one that was a worthy fight.

Inara had thought she was getting a single knight in shining armor. She was about to get a half dozen if Julian had his way.

***

"Here, sir, have a drink."

Mal looked up in surprise as Zoe handed him something blue and frothy. "Do I want to know what this _go se_ is?"

She shot him a wry grin. _"Xiâoxin,"_ she said, lifting her own glass. "Kaylee made it."

Mal laughed. "In that case, bottom's up." Zoe watched Mal down half the glass in one gulp as she sipped at her own. He sputtered a bit, but then nodded at Zoe. "So what's the occasion?"

"She called it a Blue Shiner," Zoe replied. "Says the doc got one of his own on his face today."

"Oh?"

"Fell on his crutch, she said."

"Ouch," Mal said, wincing in sympathy.

"Yup. I think we should go outside while it's nice and shining out."

Eyebrow raised, Mal followed Zoe from the parlor into the backyard. "I do think conspiracies are good for you, Zoe. Nothing gets your back up like being downright contrary."

"Could be, sir," Zoe replied in her steadiest voice. "But here we got something to be contrary about. Seems like our good doctor had a secret of his own all along."

"What? Something else?"

Zoe shrugged and took a gulp of her own drink. Kaylee had seen fit to use the best of the liquor in the drawing room, and all of it was fine indeed. Zoe could feel the alcohol burn its way down her throat, and it was a cleaner burn than all of the cheap sake she had used in the past month to obliterate her memories of Wash. "Depends on how bad you think this one is."

"Why?"

"Turns out he got some kind of Reader abilities on his own."

_"Daxiang baozhashi de laduzi!_ Does anyone else know that?"

"Don't rightly know. He only just figured it out a little while ago."

"How do you not know you got something like that? Our little witch was Reading all the damn time," Mal added.

"Seems like he can only Read the dead," Zoe said, her voice oddly flat. Mal looked at her sharply, not sure what to say in response. Zoe took it as a question he wasn't ready to ask yet. "Seems he saw his grandmother's death in the house."

"Figures there'd be ghosts in this damn house. It's old enough."

"Fancy folk don't seem to think it's a problem."

"They aren't the ones that see them ghosts, I suppose," Mal mused. He thought of Regan and all of her odd pronouncements. "Well, that Missus probably can see the ghosts in the house. She probably thinks of them as friends."

"Well, it doesn't seem as if she has anyone else, sir."

"Rich folk are different," Mal said, shaking his head. "These people are different even from rich folk, though. Stranger and stranger all the time, if you ask me."

"They don't talk of it, of course," Zoe replied. "Come on, they're sitting over there."

Mal could see Kaylee and Simon through the trees in the backyard. There was a pitcher full of the frothy blue stuff, and Simon was holding an ice pack to his face. The crutches were nowhere in sight, and Mal couldn't blame the other man. If he had smacked himself in the face with a crutch, he wouldn't want to keep them around either.

"Well now, what's this I hear about psychic powers?"

Simon shot Mal a rebellious look and scowled. "Believe me, I wasn't expecting to find that out."

"I'm guessing nobody knows about that parlor trick?"

"It's not too often you touch a dead body on Osiris," Simon snapped.

Mal nodded and looked at Zoe. He supposed Simon could feel a mite tetchy, having seen his grandmother die and all. It couldn't have been a good one, if Mal was to judge by Simon's irritated expression. "So now what?"

"I don't know."

"We get rip-roaring drunk," Kaylee said, holding up the pitcher. "And if we say something, we're just drunk and stupid and not knowing what we're saying." She poured generous portions of the drink to everyone's glasses. "Now, _bao bei,_ let me see that shiner..."

Simon pulled the ice pack away. "It doesn't feel as sore."

Kaylee touched the bones around his eye gently. "I don't know what to think. It's gone."

"Well, not totally," Mal said, pointing. "That part's still there. Looks like a cut, though."

Mal watched Simon drink his blue concoction quickly. He didn't think he could remember Simon ever doing such a thing before. He was even more surprised when Simon didn't choke on it.

Zoe looked as serene as ever. "Well now, you've been planning something, Kaylee?"

Kaylee's grin was infectious as she pulled her sketches out from her overalls. "Of course. Mostly bombs and traps and fun stuff like that. And they're so cute and tiny, even 'Nara would be okay with carryin' a bunch of 'em."

At the mention of Inara, Mal looked up from the sketches sharply. "What?"

"You didn't think she'd leave us to our lonesome, didja?" Kaylee asked, eyes wide. "Not 'Nara. I talked to her before she left, you know. She's gone and looked for help. She won't let us do all of this all alone."

Zoe was glad to see Mal look ashamed. "Well now, these bombs are all well and good. But what about the place itself?"

Simon pulled out a different sketch out of the pile. "This is what I remember of it. It's the route I took to the testing area where they were working on River. I assume the bunks were several levels below that."

"What makes you say that?" Zoe asked, concerned.

"My contacts had implied that it would be near impossible to break her out of there if she was left in her bunk."

"So do we have to worry about all these other psychic kids in that place?" Mal asked.

"I don't know," Simon began, forehead furrowing in thought. "I never thought to ask my contacts about other students at the Academy before."

"These the kind of folk that would help you again?"

"Only if I can make a hefty withdrawal from my accounts," Simon replied, shaking his head. "I don't know if they're really frozen or not."

"Might as well give it a try later today. Gabriel all but said you had your money, so we might as well see if we can take him at his word." Zoe nodded at Simon. "We need to know if we can trust him with any of this anyway."

"Don't tell him about me," Simon said, voice sharp. "One Reader is more than enough."

"Not our story to tell," Zoe replied, as unperturbed as ever. Simon visibly calmed. "Though it seems to me that you ought to see what exactly this ability of yours can do."

"It lets me see how they died," he replied, voice flat.

"Well then, it's something definitely worth looking into. Because what if you look further back than that? What if you can see what they knew?"

Kaylee blinked at Zoe. "What d'you mean?"

"Might be a good skill to have when we get to the Academy. If someone won't give us a code, we kill them and Simon can tell us what it is."

He went deathly pale. "I can't..."

Zoe looked up, her face still a placid mask. "If it comes down to it, you'd be amazed what you're capable of. Think about those Reavers at Mr. Universe's place. You had no problem shooting them down."

"They were _Reavers,"_ Simon insisted. "They would've killed us."

Zoe's gaze was steady. "And so might these folk. You know that. If it's the Academy or us, who do you think you'll pick?"

Simon drank another glassful in reply.

***

River crept across the hallway and opened Jayne's door. He was awake and thinking of her, his hand wrapped around his cock. He was startled when she shut the door behind her, eyes wide and nervous. He hadn't meant to get caught, let alone by the one he was thinking about. River slowly walked over to the bed, and crawled across it, eyes locked with his. "I wanted to taste you," she said, voice soft.

"Wh-what?"

She peeled the covers back and exposed him. "You tasted me today, Jayne." She touched his hand gently, moving it away from his erection. "I would like to taste you in return."

When River bent her head down, Jayne closed his eyes. She ran her tongue along the length of his cock, tasting the precome that was beginning to come out. She felt the ridges beneath the edge of the head, the slit at its very tip. At each touch, she could hear Jayne make an incoherent moan. Mmm... That was very interesting. River delicately licked her way all around his cock, then took it completely into her mouth. The tip of his cock slid along her tongue toward the back of her throat, then into her cheeks, then in the hollow beneath her tongue. She tried different places, judging by his strangled moans which felt best for him.

After a moment, Jayne pushed her head away. "Enough," he ground out.

River picked her head up, his cock sliding out of her mouth. She looked at him wonderingly. "I wasn't doing it right?"

"Too right." Jayne pushed himself up to a sitting position, then pulled her closer. He stripped off her nightshirt and tossed it aside. "I wanna be inside you."

She kissed him, and Jayne slid his hand down the side of her body. She gasped, mouth opening under his. Jayne reached around her leg to feel his way to her clit, and was greeted with a soft mewl. She bucked slightly as a finger was thrust up inside her, making lazy circles inside her wetness. _"Oh!"_

"I wanna feel you when I make you come," Jayne ground out, breath hot against her ear. She trembled, eyes wide. "I'm gonna make you scream."

River let him turn her onto her stomach, her face pressed up against his pillow. She was drowning in the scent of him, and closed her eyes. She wanted to simply feel him, have his touch calm her riotous senses. She could feel his hands lift her hips up to a kneeling position, and then he drove himself deeply inside of her. River clutched at his pillow, pressing her face into it. She muffled her cries with his scent, and it was overwhelming. She was filled with him, his presence, his steady hands at her hips keeping her balanced. She was about to fall apart, and he was the only thing keeping her together.

Jayne could see her silencing herself, his pillow clutched desperately in her fists. "That's it, baby doll," he moaned, hands tightening on her hips. She was soft and wet and warm, tight all around him. He didn't know why she had chosen him, why she continued to say he was the one for her, but at this point, he didn't care. It didn't matter anymore. He leaned forward slightly, running one hand along her back. He traced her spine, could feel the smooth lines of muscle beneath her skin. Her entire body was trembling, reacting to his driving thrusts. "Come on, scream for me."

She twisted beneath him, hips bucking against him in time. Her fingers spasmed, pulling his pillow across her face. She let out a wail as her pleasure rose. She was _close,_ his hands were warm and comforting across her skin, and she felt _real._ River didn't know how to explain it, that feeling of presence he gave her. She became someone real, not a collection of sharp edges and gauzy haze. He made her feel, he made her someone whole.

"I'm gonna... baby doll, I'm gonna come." River pushed her hips back against him in reply, taking him even deeper into her. "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna..."

He spilled into her hot depths, a hoarse growl buried in his throat. His hands tightened around her, one at her hip and one at the back of her neck. He thrusted a few more times, slower, and then reached around to find her clit. He stroked it, feeling her body tighten around his softening cock. Jayne clenched his eyes tight at the feeling, and let out a hiss when he felt her come. River let out a strangled wail into his pillow as her body convulsed around him. _"Ta ma de,"_ he hissed, throwing his head back.

River collapsed bonelessly against the bed. Jayne's hand at her thighs was the only thing keeping her up. He pulled out of her slowly, his breath hissing out between clenched teeth. "Jayne," she murmured softly, turning her head to look at him.

"Yeah?"

He gently let her down to the bed, his hands smoothing the skin of her lower back. It was a tender gesture, one that made her smile at him. "May I stay?" she murmured.

"Huh?"

"I can't move," River said with a sleepy grin. "You have rendered me immobile."

Jayne figured that was a good thing, and stretched out beside her. "If you do stay, I need my pillow back," he said, pulling it out from under her head. That grin of hers did strange things to his insides, and he didn't even want to think about that. Feelings in the pit of his stomach never meant anything good before, and he didn't want to screw this up.

She curled up next to him, her back to his front. River rested her head on Jayne's arm, which was crooked and partly shoved under his pillow. His other hand ghosted over her hip and settled over her flat stomach. She looped her hand through his and kept her left arm crooked next to her. "I think this is better than sleeping alone," River murmured, eyes closing. She felt warm and safe, and the scent of Jayne all around her was comforting. "You keep me safe."

Jayne inhaled the scent of her hair and sighed. "And who will keep _me_ safe?"

"Me, when it's my turn." River lifted their twined hands to her lips and pressed a dry kiss to the back of his hand.

He thought of how she looked with blades in hand, paused and ready for more action. He had to admit that it had been a pretty sexy pose, and one he had to push out of his mind a lot over the past month. Jayne pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Let's hope it don't come to that."

_It will,_ she wanted to say, but River could feel sleep coming. She pressed herself closer into his embrace instead, and let his presence push away the prophetic dreams she knew were coming to find her.

***

Vera knew she was dreaming. She hadn't seen Theodore in years, after all, and he looked just as young as he did when they first met. He was tall and slim, with piercing blue eyes and a mop of shaggy dark hair with just a hint of curl in it. He was grinning at her, sitting astride of the horses he owned when they had tried to make a go of hiring out their stallions as stud horses. That had to have been just before Christina was born, when they thought Theo could possibly stay out of the mines and stay with the family. It hadn't worked out that way, and the money from the mines was necessary to keep the farm afloat.

"You look beautiful, Vera," he said, voice warm and smooth as honey. It was just the way she remembered it, and the sound shot straight to her knees.

"Theo?"

He laughed, hand still outstretched and reaching for her. "Come on this way. I got something to show you. Now's as good a time as any, Vera."

"What? Why now?"

"She's a powerful one. You know she can see us, speak with us? It's almost like being called back to life again." Theodore grinned as he pulled Vera up behind him. "Quickly now, before she wakes up and I lose the chance."

It made sense, so Vera nodded and let Theodore bring her to a solid white stone building. There was nothing like it on Beylix. "Where are we?"

"It's where they're going to be soon enough."

It was a dream, so Vera knew exactly what he was talking about. "Oh Theo..."

"Hush. They know what to do. Watch."

River spun in a circle, her kick high and colliding with a guard's helmet. It cracked across the faceplate, the glass collapsing inward. That guard fell with a muffled groan, and she plunged ahead into that man's companion, crushing the other guard's throat. She chanced a glance behind her, then ghosted ahead into the darkened corridor. She came up behind the next pair of guards before either man realized anything was wrong. She wrapped her hands around one guard's throat and snapped his neck with a quick jerk. She caught his utility blade as it fell down past her arm, and it was soon buried in the other guard's throat. It had all taken less than a minute. She reached down to take their guns, and tossed both of them back to Jayne. He caught them and looked them over critically. Finally he nodded and strapped them both to his back. They advanced down the corridor, staying in the shadows.

"You see? You were right all along. They match."

"So this is what's to become of them?"

"They can handle it."

"And if they can't?"

"There are others to help them. They don't fight alone in this."

"And where do I fit in?" Vera asked, turning his head to face her. The background fell away and now they were standing next to each other in a pure white space. "What do I do?"

"Stay," Theodore said, taking her hand in his. "This is all I ask. Stay here."

"What would happen if I didn't?"

The sky began to darken, and Vera knew it was only a matter of time before it began to rain blood. She pursed her lips at Theodore. "Real subtle."

He grinned at her cheekily and began to dance beneath the sunset. Vera let herself be pulled into the dance, and she could almost hear the music the danced to at their wedding. "Let them handle it themselves. Let them grow on their own."

"He's been on his own for so long..."

"So you know he can handle it. Let him be the man for her, Vera. Let him show them both that he's worthy of the role."

"And us?"

"We'll always be here waiting. Sometimes it's all we can do."

Vera tucked her face into the crook of Theodore's neck. "I've missed you."

"It seems like yesterday we got married," Theodore murmured. "You look just as good."

"Liar," Vera laughed. "I got old. I'm a gramma now."

"You'll always be beautiful to me," Theodore said softly. "I'll wait as long as it takes until I see you again. You're worth the wait."

Vera sighed and burrowed deeper into his embrace. "So are you."

The music swelled, and they continued to dance.

***

_"Bù hăo,"_ Kara whispered, kicking the mule's wheel. She looked over at her brother with the fiercest look she could muster, but Horace wasn't paying any attention and the face was lost in the dark. When did things get so... _strange?_ There were those china doll twins that were sudden long-lost cousins, some girl with horribly complex vocabulary and the aim of a computer, and Vera Cobb looking pleased as punch about a kid's fight gone sour. Her father had attempted to leave the shindig as late as possible, toting along as much of the leftovers as he could. Wasn't her fault she couldn't cook a lick, now was it? She was too busy going hunting than to try and pretend she was her dead mother. And if Horace didn't bag anything bigger than a dog, it was up to Kara to make sure at least there was more meat on the rabbits she brought home. Some people didn't have time to be fancy physics geniuses hunted by the _gorram_ Alliance. Some people were busy enough just surviving.

"What d'ya suppose busted up the wheels?" Kara's father called out from the front of the mule. There had been a popping sound before the mule careened into the ditch by the side of the main road. "Can ya see it?"

"Don't see nothin'," Kara groused. She kicked the wheel again. "But it's broke and we ain't goin' noplace right now."

"Think we can hike it back to Great-Aunt Vera's?" Horace asked, chewing on a fingernail.

_"Júe duì bú shì,"_ Charles Grady called out, climbing out of the ditch. "We're at least a ways away from there, and with all these bowls an' things..."

Leave it to her father to remember the food and nothing else, Kara thought darkly. He knew where his priorities were. "I'll go on back an' see who's up. Maybe Mattie can help patch it up and we'll drive it home."

Charles thought for a moment, and then looked into the back of the mule. "Horace, see how many of them bags you can carry. Let's go pay Aunt Vera a visit." His teeth shone in the dark. "Don't worry none, she'll let us stay with her. And we won't go hungry, to boot."

Kara carefully slung her crossbow across her front and took up two of the bags. She watched her brother shove his gun down the front of his pants and take up four bags. Her father took on the last two. God, she hated being a poor relation.

Then again, being thrown out of the house for being too smart wasn't a good option either.

"Cheer up, Karrie, you'll see your new best friend again," Horace sing-songed. She shot him her fiercest face and he merely laughed at her.

Still, talking to a girl once or twice might be more fun than dealing with just Horace all day.

***   
***


	28. Everything Is Not Broken

River was humming something in the morning, a lilting tune she remembered hearing as a girl on Osiris. She was setting the breakfast table when Jayne came downstairs, hair still wet from his shower. River had already been gone when he woke up, and he had missed the feeling of her cradled against him. She looked up at him with a small smile, then went to the cabinets for juice glasses. Jayne almost smiled at her back, but caught himself in time. Damn if his mother didn't notice and smirk at him.

"River, honey, some of us have been thinking about your situation," Vera began, sliding bacon off of her frying pan.

River frowned at Vera. "She did not like most of those cousins. They mocked my language."

"I know. I guess I was hopin' they'd be more mature. And we saw that they don't fit you well."

"Then what do you suggest?" River asked cautiously.

There was a crash from the living room as River spoke, and Jayne hurried out of the kitchen. Vera merely sighed as she put more bacon on the pan. "This can wait until later. No rush."

"But I wish to know your thoughts."

"Honey, they ain't changed since I met you," Vera soothed, patting her arm. "I just think this conversation should go over delicate."

River glanced at the kitchen door. "You believe Jayne to be my answer."

"Just so," Vera confirmed with a nod. "He's the one that don't think it's a good idea."

"He's... complex. More so that I thought at first," River offered. "Jumbled thoughts he pushes aside and would not reconsider."

"So it'll take some doing to have him reconsider," Vera said, flipping the bacon over. "I ain't given up hope yet, so neither should you."

River blushed. "I did not think my notice was obvious."

Vera looked up sharply and caught the blush. "Something you ain't tellin' me, honey?"

"I am not opposed to the idea of this match," River said, the blush still staining her cheeks. "I think it might evolve well. So far we have not seemed very incompatible for the purpose of marriage. He is grounding for me. I do not feel overwhelmed by others' thoughts near him, and I do think there is some genuine caring." The blush deepened, and River looked away from Vera's peering gaze. "On both sides," River added in a soft voice.

"Well now. That's good to hear. I can call on our Shepherd at any time. He's a good man, and I do believe he would be honored to do the ceremony."

River looked at Vera in alarm. "This is not proper! I haven't been asked yet!"

Jayne returned to the kitchen, followed by Kara, Horace and Charles. "You ain't been asked what yet?" he asked, looking confused.

River smiled at him brightly, which only served to deepen his confusion. "Nothing important. What had happened? This Grady family had left to return home last night. I remember the leave taking. When did you all arrive?"

Jayne allowed the sidestep with a frown. "Seems their mule got broken on the way home last night, so they walked on back to rest up. Mattie an' I will prob'ly go on out and take a look at their busted wheel after breakfast."

Charles laughed nervously. "No need to rush, Jayne, really. We don't visit nearly so often."

Vera looked at Charles wryly. "But it's always an event when you do, Charles."

"Why, certainly, Aunt Vera. Mama speaks so highly of you."

"Uh-huh. That's why Clarabelle couldn't wait to hotfoot it offworld. That's all right," she added hastily, seeing Kara glare at her father. "Just sit on down. The first batch of bacon is all fried up crispy, and scrambled eggs are all done."

Mattie and Caro came downstairs, and were followed by the twins a few minutes later. After a startled look at the Gradys, they all sat down at the table and began to dig in. There was a lot of amiable small talk around the table, mostly regarding observations from the family reunion. River noticed Kara staring at her plate and surreptitiously eating as quickly as she could without being rude. She gave Kara a questioning glance, but remained silent. She had initially thought that Kara was grossly arrogant the day before, and this view of her was at odds with that impression. She made a mental note to observe Kara before the girl left the house. There was something about Kara that almost reminded her of Jayne.

For River, that was reason enough to try and be friendly. She didn't question her own motives too closely, or the fluttering feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought of Jayne. Feelings were too nebulous and strange and fleeting. They were too difficult to quantify, and right now River preferred something much easier to deal with. She focused on the breakfast and contributed to the small talk, smiling all the while. She could simulate attention to the conversation and still puzzle out Kara's behavior at the same time.

River liked puzzles, and solving them occupied her time nicely. Otherwise, there really wasn't much to do in Vera's home. Perhaps Kara would like to join the twins in training. It was something to do, after all, and was beneficial for everyone.

Also, River had the feeling that they would all need the practice.

***

Inara strode confidently through the space port. Her one bag was being carried by an elderly porter, who strode three steps behind her and two to the right. His eyes were on her back the entire time, and her spine was ramrod straight. She smiled perfunctorily as the attendants sent her clearance on through the computer system. _Tag and countertag,_ she thought as her artificial smile slid from her mouth. She walked along the corridor to her shuttle, the elderly porter walking at the proper distance behind her at all times. She entered the codes to begin the release sequence on the shuttle, and it opened right on schedule. She entered it, head held high as always, and the porter followed suit. The shuttle door slid shut, and Inara moved to the cockpit to begin the prelaunch sequence.

Once they were in the air, General Hector Izquierdo slid into the copilot's chair beside her. "There are no beacons or devices. We are all in the clear." He grinned at her. "Well now, my dear. The game begins."

Inara gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you."

He shook his head and gave her a fierce smile. "No, my dear. Thank _you._ You have given purpose to this old warrior."

Inara touched his hand and grinned. "You're not old. You're _experienced."_

Hector laughed heartily. "And that, my dear, is why you're a Companion and I'm a soldier. But we all have our duties, and we all have a role to play. We will save our Alliance, never fear. We can excise its rotten bruise and discard it."

"That is my fervent hope, Hector."

***

Gabriel couldn't focus on his financial newspaper. Who could focus, when his wife was growing stranger by the day, his son was traipsing about with criminals and he was an inch away from losing everything he had ever worked for? Oh, Regan had always been somewhat strange. And those criminals were now _exonerated_ criminals, and he hadn't exactly lost his family fortune or home yet. But Regan's father was powerful in ways Gabriel could never be, and he knew all the right people to get things done for nefarious purpose. How was Gabriel supposed to compete with that? How was he supposed to pretend he could go back to the way things have always been? There was no mistaking the fact that everything had been turned upside down in his household. Regan wasn't taking her tonics or pills, and she would spout strange lyrical phrases every now and again. Empty corridors within the house now seemed to carry echoes. The servants refused to go anywhere near the guest rooms. Dinner was a strained affair, full of stilted conversations and pregnant pauses in between pained attempt at relationships. Silence seemed awkward and uncomfortable now, and Gabriel didn't know how to deal with that. He had never had to force conversation before.

Suddenly there was the sound of an explosion in the backyard.

_"Wei!"_ he cried, shooting up and out of his chair. Gabriel raced to the window, hands gripping the windowsill. His knuckles were white.

Kaylee was in the backyard, laughing up a storm. Simon was laughing along with her, an arm around her shoulders. He wasn't using his crutches, Gabriel noted, and he seemed to be perfectly at ease with whatever had caused the noise. It had also apparently formed a crater in his perfectly manicured rear lawn.

"What was that?" Gabriel shouted at them.

Kaylee looked up, startled, and looked sheepish once she saw Gabriel's glare. _"Duìbùqi, wo búshì gùyì de,"_ she called out.

Simon actually waved to his father. "We've got it under control. A bad part from Serenity that Kaylee's fixing. Sorry about the noise!"

Lies, but Gabriel suddenly remembered the wires in the walls and the listening devices. "Humph. I was _trying_ to read the paper. Keep the noise down, will you? I think your mother is resting now, anyway."

"Still going to the opera tonight?"

"Of course. Every Saturday night. I'm not so ill I can't sit in our box for a few hours." Gabriel caught himself after a moment. This was silly. He shouldn't be shouting his response down to his son through the open window. They should be having a civilized conversation over lunch like ordinary civilized people.

Of course, his son was not the same kind of man now.

"Can we go?" Kaylee asked suddenly, eyes bright. She looked from Gabriel to Simon, who was grimacing. "'Nara got me the cutest gown to go to the opera in. I'd love to go see!"

Gabriel smirked at his son's pained expression. "Of course you can go. We'll go over the details over lunch instead of shouting at each other."

Kaylee laughed and danced around Simon merrily. "I'm gonna go to the opera! I get to look all frilly and pretty!"

Simon caught her up in his arms easily enough, though he was careful not to move too fast so that he wouldn't lose his balance. His lips moved, though Gabriel couldn't hear what his son said. He was glad to see Simon laughing and smiling rather than sullen and cursing at the physical therapist every afternoon. He had such wonderful progress over the past week, and was testing his limits more and more every day. Gabriel had no doubts his son would soon walk just fine without the crutches or even a cane. Deep down, Gabriel wished he had been able to inspire his son back to health. At least Kaylee was a good hearted girl, and really did want the best for his son. Gabriel could see that now, and could look past the specks of ash on the girl's cheeks.

Perhaps there was hope for the Tam line after all.

***

Kara wound her way through the corn stalks in the fields behind Vera's home. Her jaw was set, and she pushed past the leaves with purpose. The twins might've wanted a game of tag or hide and seek, but Kara was tired of being seen as a little stupid girl. She _hunted,_ and she won the first prize _every year_ for her archery skills. She put food on the table, and she was the one that made sure her father didn't choke on his own vomit when he drank too much at night. Horace didn't bother with that particular chore, since half the time he was looking for an easy time behind the bar in town. Yarsbrook wasn't that big a town, and there was no one else their age around for miles. Horace usually made do with the thirty-year old widows and divorcees.

_Now what? After Pa gets us thrown out of another home, now what?_ she thought irritably, pushing another leaf with too much force. He was such a _chunrén,_ he didn't know when his own cousins were making fun of him at the party. Kara could force thoughts from her mind with a bow in hand, but once it was down and the arrow was loose, her ears burned from the whispers.

Kara's hands clenched into fists. She wished she had thought to bring her bow and quiver. A few pot shots into the back fence could calm her, and then she would get ready to go back to the ramshackle cottage they called home. She could paste the smile on her face and pretend all was right as rain again, and ignore the whispers echoing within her mind.

Kara stopped short when she got to the fence. River was sitting on top it, Kara's crossbow and quiver in her lap.

"What're you doin' with my things?" Kara snapped, coming up to River.

"Vera calls it games, but they were not games we had planned to play."

"Don't care. Gimme my stuff and git."

River handed over the crossbow and quiver as she stood up on the rail of the fence. "You are angry about something you will not speak of."

"So?"

She jumped down, gracefully, and landed nose to nose with Kara. Their eyes locked, brown to blue. "Would you teach them archery? Would you teach them how to sight down your weapon and know it as well as you do?"

"Hells no. You do it."

"I have no weapon here but my own hands. And theirs will not be as skilled when the Alliance comes here."

Kara suppressed a shiver at the sound of her words. "You sound real sure on that one."

"If Vera moves through official channels, I will be found. Then everything you know will end."

"So what d'you want from _me?"_

"Your thoughts betrayed you on your run," River began, stepping back slightly. "I offer a trade to you. If you help to teach them how to shoot a crossbow, I will teach you how to keep those thoughts under control."

Kara looked at River suspiciously. "Why should I trust you?"

River shrugged negligently. "Then don't. But I've puzzled you out, and this would appeal most."

"Heh? What?"

"A trade. Lessons for lessons. Not in pity, but in help. If you help us, we can help you."

"I don't need nobody's help," Kara insisted, chest puffing with pride. "I got the first prize at the Yarsbrook Fair, after all. I'm the best."

"At archery," River clarified. "And there is more in life than slings and arrows of fate."

Kara's eyebrows furrowed in a move eerily reminiscent of Jayne when he was confused. "Huh?"

"It gives us both something to do. And it gives you time away from your next of kin."

"Humph. I was plannin' on that anyhow."

"We give you better excuse."

Kara shot River a suspicious glance, eyes slitted slightly. "Why?"

"You came in friendship yesterday. The twins would not have convinced you to apologize if you were not looking for it." River shrugged. "I don't know what girls do in friendship. But I know how to fight, and I would share that knowledge with you."

"Huh," Kara murmured thoughtfully.

"And it's easier to teach than physics," River added playfully, smiling. "And much more useful out here in Beylix."

"You got that one right," Kara said with a nod. "All right then. But if they break off my sight, I'm breaking their noses."

"Sounds like a fair trade," River said agreeably. She led the way to the area behind the barn, smiling all the way.

***

Jayne couldn't help but curse under his breath. Mattie was much more circumspect about his cursing, and Charles was cheerfully oblivious. Charles' mule was partly run into a ditch, and the damaged wheel in question that Charles had spoken about was beyond easy repair. The tire itself was shredded, and the axle was bent. "What'd'ja do, run over a rock-hard pile of _niufen?"_ Jayne groused. He ignored his brother's glare.

"Don't rightly know. It was dark as pitch already when we left, you know. And it's all dry as a desert out these ways. Could'a been, for all I know."

"Think he'd recognize his brains on the dirt?" Jayne hissed to Mattie.

Mattie made a shushing noise and stood up. "Let's just go to the shop and see what they can do to repair it. You got work Monday."

Charles laughed and spat on the ground. "Don't got nothing that can't keep. I can stick out here f'r as long as it takes to get the old girl fixed up proper."

"Does he even got coin to pay for it?" Jayne hissed to Mattie as they walked back to his mule.

Mattie shushed him again and gave Charles a strained smile. "Come on back to town. We'll get this all squared away."

"Much obliged," Charles replied serenely. "See? This is what kinfolk's all about. Helping each other in our grave time of need."

Jayne managed not to snort and Mattie managed not to give Jayne a pointed glare. They drove into town in silence.

In town, the garage and mule parts sales shops were open. The mechanic followed them in his tow truck, and towed the broken mule back into Hunting Darren's. He peered under the mule, muttering to himself all the while. Jayne thought Kaylee would've done better with less time and without any fancy diagnostic equipment. He knew there weren't nearly enough Kaylee's in the 'verse, and managed to refrain from insulting the mechanic when he slammed his finger on one of the mule parts.

"Everything is not broken," the mechanic pronounced finally. He wiped his dirty hands on his dirty coveralls, not cleaning them at all. "Just that axle. I can fix it up right and nice. It'll be ready by Monday afternoon."

Charles grinned at Mattie and Jayne's wan faces. "Sounds great. And we'll get back to the house in time for lunch, too."

***

Late that evening, Kara snuck out of the house. She had spent all morning teaching the china doll Hunter twins how to shoot, and they at least knew which way to point the bow. They weren't complete fools, which was always good when teaching someone a weapon. River's careful gaze was unnerving, but ultimately Kara got used to it. After lunch, they returned to their makeshift training area for River's workout. Kara had to admit, the routine was almost punishing. The twins took it without complaint, so Kara kept her mouth shut and moved through it as well. If they could do it, so could she. River helped her the times she fell in the kicks, and corrected her stance just about every other move. Kara felt like a _gorram_ idiot, but kept her mouth shut and moved her feet. At least the twins didn't laugh at her. Viola in fact surreptitiously corrected her own feet before River could catch her out of form.

Kara sighed and sat down behind the barn. She had snuck a bottle of whiskey out of her father's new stash. She knew he had stolen it from the drawing room. He couldn't raise a hue and cry if he couldn't find it since he wasn't supposed to be drinking it anyway. It was a small bottle anyway, and it wasn't as if she'd never had alcohol in all her fifteen years.

Some time later, there was the sound of the front door opening to the barn. Kara got up abruptly and stood next to the partially open back door. She peeked inside, not wholly surprised to see River holding a lantern and entering the barn. She was surprised when Jayne followed her in a few minutes later.

"We were not followed," River murmured, setting the lantern down on the floor.

"Listen... not in the house, okay?" Jayne asked, voice almost plaintive. "Too many people now, and if they hear..."

River turned to look at Jayne, her back to Kara. "I would not want you uncomfortable, Jayne. This is your home and your family."

Jayne gulped. "Yeah. About that..."

"Yes?" River prompted when Jayne fell to silence.

"Look, I ain't good at words, okay?"

"You don't have to be. You have other skills."

"Uh... yeah. About those..."

River stepped up closer to Jayne. "It's all right. You don't have to explain to me."

"I don't?" Jayne seemed almost relieved.

"You don't." River leaned up and kissed Jayne's jaw. She then kissed the corner of his mouth. "I don't need words."

"Good. 'Cause that ain't my forte."

River laughed as his arms circled her and he spun her around in a circle. Kara's eyes goggled at the sight of them together, and she blinked rapidly. She wasn't entirely certain it wasn't an alcohol-induced hallucination. She'd heard about those, and her father had them once or twice before when he didn't get enough booze.

Jayne kissed her fiercely, his hands on either side of her face. She brought her hands up to cover his, then followed the fall of his wrists to his forearms. Her touch was feather light, and she smiled at him when he broke the kiss. "This needs no words," River murmured.

They kissed, hands roaming over each other. Kara was sure she wasn't supposed to see this, but she couldn't help it. She'd never seen anyone going at it before, and certainly never hid behind a shed with a boy before. Watching them would be... instructional. Yeah, that was it.

Jayne's hands dropped down to caress her breasts through her red dress. She leaned into his touch, moaning into his mouth. Jayne pulled up the edge of the skirt and then slid his hand down the front of her panties. River gasped and broke their kiss. She locked eyes with Jayne, her own hands sliding down his back to cup his buttocks.

"I still believe you could hold the stars if you wished," River murmured, her lips curled into an enigmatic smile. "Do you believe it now? Or shall I have to show you?"

"Girl, I got no idea what you're talkin' 'bout." Jayne pushed River backward, his hand still caught inside her panties. He stopped when she fetched up against the wall, grinning fiercely at her all the while. "Quit talkin' and start kissin'."

She kissed him full on the mouth, her body pressed up against his. His hand moved rhythmically inside of her panties, stroking her.

Kara abruptly backed away from the barn, still clutching the alcohol in her hand. She took a gulp of it and focused on the burn down her throat. She shouldn't be watching. They didn't want anyone to know they were together that way. _"Nĭ fēng le,"_ she muttered to herself. She moved to Vera's garden and tucked herself in between the rose bushes. She should be able to get rip roaring drunk in peace there.

Inside the barn, the couple never knew Kara had left. They hadn't even known she was there to start with. River shivered, her breath catching in her throat. Her mouth opened and a tiny sound of pleasure escaped her lips. Jayne breathed in her scent, his lips moving down to kiss her pulse. His left hand moved, rubbing at a nipple gently. His fingers slid over her clit to move through her slick folds. His fingers brushed over her clit teasingly, and the pleasure ricocheted through her. "There, don't stop, don't..." River moaned. Her head lolled onto Jayne's shoulder. He could feel her body begin to tighten within his hands.

River moved one of her hands down and unbuckled Jayne's belt, she slipped her hand into the waist of his jeans and found his erection easily enough. "Yeah.... that's it." He picked up the pace in response, feeling her trembling pick up in frequency. He thrust two fingers deep inside of her and used his thumb to stroke her clit. He continued rubbing against her, his own breath short and frantic. Her fingertips skated across the head of his cock, sending shockwaves straight down to his knees. "Ah, _hen hao,"_ he murmured, breath hot against her neck. "Just like that, baby doll," Jayne whispered hoarsely.

"I can't hold on for much longer," River whispered fiercely. "I cannot keep quiet."

"Don't," Jayne replied. His left hand moved to grasp the back of her neck. With a soft tug, she looked up at him. "Let go. I got ya." His fingers thrust deeply inside of her as he kissed her, his tongue sliding through her slack lips. She let out a strangled wail that was swallowed up by his mouth over hers, her entire body shaking. Her body tightened around his fingers, and his cock twitched against her palm at the sound of her voice.

River's grip tightened, then loosened. "Jayne..." she moaned against his mouth.

He yanked himself from her body long enough to drag her panties down to her ankles. He pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee and then seized her mouth again. River kicked off the offending panties and Jayne grasped her hips as she pulled her hand out of his pants. She unzipped his jeans and pushed them down. "God, I can't wait." River opened her mouth to ask what he meant when Jayne drew her legs up and around his waist. "Trust me."

"I do," she whispered.

Jayne plunged deep into her depths, and River gasped in appreciation. Jayne shifted backward before driving in deep. She gasped, arching against him, tilting her hips to give him even better access. He pulled her hips closer, feeling her tighten around his cock. She felt like velvet, warm and soft, tight around him and pulling him in deeper. "You like that, don'tcha?" he asked, voice a low growl.

"Yes," she moaned, head thrown back. "Yes. More..."

Jayne thrust into her harder and faster. "I'm gonna... I can't stop it..." He clutched her hips tightly, keeping them still. "Don't move, I can't..."

River tried to move her hips against him so his thrust would drive even deeper inside of her. "Oh, I want more..."

He groaned as he spilled into her without warning. She was so tight, too tight. He gave a few extra thrusts, enough to send her screeching through another orgasm. Jayne leaned his forehead against her temple, trying to catch his breath. _Gorram_ it, he felt like he was eighteen again and having his first girl. He couldn't control himself, couldn't hold back. And damn if he didn't want more of her.

"This was a great idea." River's arms squeezed him tightly for a moment, then loosened their death grip on his shoulders.

"Even I get 'em sometimes."

She dropped a kiss on his earlobe. "I like this."

"What? Up against the wall in the barn?" Jayne asked, amazed.

"Holding you," River replied, dropping her head to the crook of his shoulder. She breathed in the scent of him, and reveled in the feel of his hands cradling her hips. He made her feel so very girlish and cherished all at once. "Feeling you hold me."

"Aw hell, that's the easy part." Jayne squeezed her hips playfully. "I can do this all the time."

River raised her head and met his gaze. "You mean it?"

"I like touching," Jayne said, shrugging. "Ain't no hardship."

"All the time?"

Jayne thought of everyone's words. He thought of the way her tears the day before had made him feel, and the way his stomach twisted into knots every time she smiled at him. He thought of the way he was protective of her, the way he liked seeing her trust him. He liked the way she smelled, the way she was fearless, the way she moved when training the girls to fight.

Jayne raised one hand to her face and traced the curve of her cheek. "What do you think? Do you think you could put up with me for a while?"

"How long is a while?"

"As long as you want it to be."

River's breath caught. "Oh." She smiled at him, her stomach fluttering nervously. "Oh."

"That all you can say?"

Her smile seemed to glitter like stars. "I would want it to be for a long time."

"Yeah? How long?"

"A lifetime or two."

Jayne cocked his head to the side, pretending to ponder that. "I think I can handle that."

River made a squealing noise of happiness and held him tight. She pressed her lips against his neck in a kiss. "I'm going to try so hard to make you happy. I promise."

Jayne ran a hand down her back, cradling her spine. "I know. I promise I'll try not to get mad if you do something stupid."

"I won't," River promised.

"You're a girl, you can't help it," Jayne reasoned. River smacked his shoulder. "Ow!"

River giggled and held him tighter to her. She squeezed her eyes shut and grinned against his shoulder. She couldn't help it. He was uneducated and uncouth and all manner of rough. But he saw _her_ and accepted it. He reveled in what made her different, and he made her feel wanted and cherished. It would be rough going, she knew, but maybe it could work. Maybe it would actually work, and she would be safe.

She threaded her fingers through his hair and kissed his neck. Whatever she was feeling was probably love. She'd never felt it like this before, but it felt wonderful.

"We'll be okay," Jayne murmured, stroking her back. He was unknowingly echoing her own thoughts. "We'll do right by each other, I think."

"I will do my very best," River vowed. "And I know you will too."

"You do, huh? What tells you that?"

"You love me," River said softly, stroking his hair. "And I love you. We will try so very hard to make it work, and it will if we want it to."

"I'm still an old, grumpy man."

"And I'm still a moonbrain. Neither of us are perfect."

"You got that right," Jayne grumbled. He gently disentangled himself from her embrace and helped her to her feet. He found her discarded panties and pressed it into her hands. "Now go on, get your beauty rest. I'll see ya in the morning."

River grinned at him, sending his stomach into somersaults. _"Wăn ān. Zuò gè hăo mèng,"_ River whispered, waving. Then she left the barn, disappearing into the darkness.

Jayne stared after her for a moment, then repaired his clothing thoughtfully. After a moment, it occurred to him what had just happened. When did he turn into such a smoosh?

"Aw _zaogao,"_ he muttered. He just went and proposed to the moonbrain. Who accepted. And he all but agreed with her when she said he loved her. And he really was looking forward to having her around for the rest of his life, however long that was going to be.

Damn planet and family was making him soft.

***  
***


	29. Changed Image of Man

Simon sat in the opera box between his mother and Kaylee. The mechanic had a beautiful green dress on, one Inara had arranged to be made prior to her departure. Kaylee had curled her hair and tied it up in a matching bow, and couldn't stop grinning. The opera was a tragedy, but that didn't dampen her enthusiasm at all. Her left hand was wound through Simon's, and she kept looking all around the opera house. She had taken in the scrolling gilt work on the walls, the elaborate and ornate carvings on the ceilings, and the plush seating within the Tam family box. They had a perfect view of the stage, and Kaylee nearly bounced in her seat when she realized that. Simon couldn't help but smile at her, and couldn't help but see the opera house in an entirely new light. He had never stopped to think of the master work placed into every facet of the house, had never stopped to marvel over how his every comfort was met.

Simon grasped the dragon-headed silver cane in his left hand. He had insisted on using just the cane that evening, and had just managed to maneuver to the box seating. Kaylee had been wonderful and helped him along, making him look gallant. She had somehow supported part of his weight while making it look as if he had extended his elbow in a polite gesture. It had given him a measure of vanity and pride. Sure, he needed her help every now and again, especially on the steep stairs. But he had managed it quite well, and he could look as nonchalant and handsome as he used to. After all, plenty of the elite used similar canes as accessories. No one needed to know that he actually relied on his, just as no one needed to know about the fencing blade hidden within the cane's core.  
"You look _wonderful, bao bei,"_ she had whispered as he managed to collapse into his seat. "Better'n the hero, don't'cha know?"

He had laughed at that, though Kaylee was serious. His parents had looked at them then, but it wasn't enough to dampen his spirits. He was with Kaylee at the opera two weeks after he nearly died. His life kept zigging and zagging and certainly didn't sit still.

He was loving every moment of it.

"Can we go dancing?" Kaylee asked, a grin on her face as the opera wound to a close. She could feel the elder Tams' disapproval but didn't care. It had been a blissfully wonderful evening, without any kinds of worries. She had done the social niceties, bowed and smiled and charmed everyone she had met. She knew the proper etiquettes, which had surprised Gabriel. It just didn't matter out in the black, and she knew what she wanted. If it made the elder Tams happy to see her act more like them, she could do that for a while. But she really wanted to see Simon smile at her and be more carefree. It was better for him to have a vacation from worrying about the impending invasion of the Academy.

"I don't know if I'd make the best partner right now," Simon began apologetically.

"Not a fancy dance," Kaylee clarified. "Some dance club with loud music and expensive drinks and bright flashy lights. You can just wiggle your hips and it's still dancing."

Gabriel looked positively scandalized, and Regan stifled a giggle. Simon merely grinned. "Maybe tomorrow, _bao bei._ That tired me out tonight more than I thought it would."

"Perfect," Kaylee said with a smile. "It gives me a chance to look up directions."

Simon let her link her arm through his and returned her smile. "I think it's a great idea."

"Simon..." his father began.

"Think of it as exercise," Regan interrupted. "I'm sure it would be much better tolerated than the training with the physical therapist."

Simon nearly sighed with contentment. _That_ was the Regan he remembered. That was the mother he had spoken with, not the distant psychic she had been most recently. On the ride back to the Tam estate, he couldn't help but smile at Kaylee, Even though he had to suffer through yet another opera with his parents, he hadn't minded it at all. He had been with Kaylee the entire time, and he had been able to touch her and feel it. He had been able to smile at her and not feel like he was stealing a glance he didn't deserve. He had been able to introduce her high and low as his wonderful fiancee. He had finally seen what was so wonderful about the opera. It wasn't just the music or the play itself, but the company he kept while attending. He hadn't understood as a child, hadn't understood that it was a way his parents had to try and bond. He had simply assumed they were showing him off with the intentions of eventual marriage introductions. There had been that, too, but they had wanted to spend time with him.

It was a wonderful realization to have.

Back at the Tam estate, Kaylee snuck into Simon's room still dressed in her elegant green gown. She grinned at him, taking note of his half-dressed state. "I need help with all these buttons," she lied, plopping down on the bed near him.

He took in her rakish grin and smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, really. I don't get all gussied up every day like some people I know."

"There are benefits to being proper."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Like having parents that trust you and won't walk through the door without knocking."

"Ooh. That's a good thing to have."

"I thought so," Simon said, pulling off his shirt. He maneuvered his way to the bed and sat down next to Kaylee. "Now, where are the buttons?"

"Hidden," she said, twisting slightly to show him the back of the dress. "One of them girls had to help rope me in this thing."

"Oh? And where did she go?"

"Of somewhere with some boy from the kitchen." Simon could hear the laughter in her voice. "I think they're cookin' up something."

"Same thing we will," Simon murmured, pressing a kiss to the curve of her shoulder.

"Mmm... I like how you think."

_"Wo ai ni,"_ he whispered against Kaylee's shoulder.

His tongue ran along the outer rim of her ear, his breath hot and erratic against her skin. His hands skimmed down her back, feeling skin then silk. It sent shivers down her spine. Simon moved to the mastoid process, then the base of her skull, dropping tiny kisses along the way. His tongue licked its way down the column of her neck, and her breath caught. "Oh... that feels nice," she whispered brokenly. "Better'n havin' a servant unhook me."

"Speaking of which..."

He deftly undid the tiny buttons and hooks that held the dress in place. Each one had been cunningly hidden, and this definitely was the kind of dress that needed an assistant to get into or out of. Simon ran his tongue along her spine, his fingers tracing her rib cage.

Kaylee turned slightly and shimmied out of the dress, pushing it aside. She returned to the bed, a saucy smile on her face. She kissed him, hot and sweet, her hands moving across his bare chest. He pulled her down on top of him as he fell backward onto the bed. Simon threaded his hands through her curls, tugging them loose from the ribbon. Her hair cascaded down around them in waves. "Isn't it amazing? Just this time a year ago..." Kaylee began.

"I didn't know how empty my life was," Simon murmured, tracing the outline of her lips. "I didn't know what I was missing."

"I do," Kaylee said with a saucy grin. She kissed her way around his jaw. "I intend to teach you every last bit." She then licked the side of his neck.

"So how much have I got to learn?"

"Honey, if you got to ask, you don't know the half of it."

Kaylee kissed her way down Simon's chest as she undid the front of his pants. Simon reached out and caught a breast in hand, rubbing her nipple gently between two fingers. "I'm a fast learner," Simon murmured, shifting his hips so that Kaylee could drag his pants and boxers down to his ankles. He kicked them off as Kaylee sucked on one of his nipples.

"How about we try this one on, then," Kaylee said, shifting around on the bed. Simon shifted slightly along with her, and before he knew it, she had straddled his head and was facing his groin. "A smart man like you, I think you can figure it out."

Simon grasped Kaylee's hip in one hand and steadied her as she settled into a comfortable height above him. He reached between them for a breast with his other hand. Mewling slightly, she ran her tongue along the length of his stiffening cock. She ran her lips around the ridges beneath the edge of the head, then the slit at its very tip. Simon moaned as he began to lick her folds. Kaylee sighed as she moved her head up and down slowly, stroking his cock with her tongue. Bracing herself with one arm, she used her other hand to stroke his balls gently. His breath caught, and then he closed his lips over her clit. He sucked gently, causing Kaylee to jerk above him slightly. Grinning, he kissed her slick folds, then dipped his tongue inside her opening. She moved her hips back down, arching her back slightly. Kaylee held herself still as Simon swirled his tongue around her clit in slow circles. It was an agonizingly delicious feeling; the man certainly was a quick study. She took his balls into her mouth and sucked on them gently.

Taking a breath, Kaylee let go of Simon's balls. After a moment, she took his cock back into her mouth. She sucked on the head, her tongue sliding across the familiar sensitive spots. She soon took him deeper into her mouth. Her tongue rubbed along the length of his shaft, her palate rubbing against the head of his cock. She judged her motion by the frequency of his moans and how jerky his tongue was against her clit.

Back and forth they moved, a sensuous dance of lips and tongue and teeth, hands and skin against skin. Simon teased her clit mercilessly, and the hand at her breast was just as ruthless. His fingers rolled around the nipple, stroking gently and persistently. Her head bobbed down and he could feel everything she was trying. Pleasure flooded him. And he would reciprocate, make her hum so deliciously around him. Kaylee's fingers clenched around Simon's thighs, and suddenly she pulled her head up. His cock fell out of her mouth and landed wetly on his belly. "Oh," she moaned, muffling herself against his thigh. There was a long drawn-out groan as her entire body tightened. Simon licked her harder, holding her in place. She came with a soft cry, sagging against him. She pressed a damp kiss to the skin of his thigh and sighed happily. Her body felt limp, and she didn't even know if she could control her limbs anymore.

Simon pushed her gently, and she rolled to her side. He moved quickly, gracefully, grinning when he caught her stare. He pushed her onto her back then plunged deeply into her soft wetness. "You're _amazing," _he murmured in admiration.

"You... Oh... _Oh,_ right there..."

"Yes, ma'am," Simon said with a grin, thrusting harder. She was soft and tight and wet and warm, and her hands were on his chest. They roamed over his back, pulling him deeper inside. It was almost too good, almost too much for him to handle. "God, Kaylee..."

Kaylee pulled him tighter to her. "Yes, Simon, yes..."

_"Deng yimiao,"_ Simon pleaded, feeling her body tighten around him. "Not yet, not yet, I'm gonna... God, Kaylee, I'm going to come."

He cried out, back arching into a bow as he came. Kaylee held him tight, skin to skin. They lay cradled together on top of his blankets as their breaths slowed. Kaylee stroked his hair affectionately as he traced her ribcage. "How 'bout I just stay here tonight?"

"My parents will pitch a hissy fit."

"Is that a no?"

"That's a hell yes," Simon said, imitating her accent as best as he could. He grinned at her. "When we get Serenity back in the air again, do you think Mal will let us bunk together?"

Kaylee's eyes shone with love. "Oh he'd better, if he wants our girl in the air and flyin'."

"Ooh... Blackmail."

"Humph. Ain't so if it's true." She wrapped her arms around Simon and gave him a squeeze. _"W huì yng yan ài n."_  
Wrapped in each other's arms, they slept. They had no idea how much ammunition they had given the Alliance informers that night.

***

If it wasn't one thing, it was another.

_So do we have to worry about all these other psychic kids in that place?_ Mal had asked Simon in the backyard. True to form, Simon had only thought to ask about River's whereabouts and not worry about anything else that might have impacted his plan of rescue. _These the kind of folk that would help you again?_ he had insisted. And again, Simon hadn't known. He hadn't been paying attention. This was practically a state of war, and the man hadn't thought to ask vital questions, plan proper strategy or infer conclusions. He had to know enough of his enemy to be able to guess, and he had to know enough of his allies to be able to guess.

But then, Simon Tam had never fought in a war before. He was a doctor. He healed others and apparently could Read the dead. Simon simply sat back and let himself be moved about. If it was a game of chess, Simon would be a bishop. He was more important than a pawn, but had definite and limited moves he was allowed to make. There were restrictions. But he wasn't a fighter.

Mal was.

The war for independence, even if it was seven years ago, never fell far from his mind. It haunted his dreams, turning them to nightmares. He could still remember the smell of blood and death, the stink of unwashed and sickened bodies, the bloated gases rising from the dead. He smelled the scent of rot in his dreams, and the taste of mud would coat his tongue when he woke.

Zoe understood. She still carried the scars on her skin and the dreams on her mind. She knew him, knew how much the Battle of Serenity had scarred him. The rest of the crew had no idea, could not even guess. He preferred it that way. They had less to lose and less to fear about him, and it allowed him enough space to pretend that the war was over in his heart. As long as he had an open sky and boat to fly in, he could be calmed. He would never be at peace, but he could find some calm for just that moment. The stars were pure and steadfast, utterly unshakable. They never changed or turned on anyone.

Mal wished he could say the same of people.

Simon would find out the hard way that wars broke people. He might think he knew what it was about from books or captures or the battle against the Reavers at Mr. Universe's mood. But Simon had no idea how war worked, no idea how the 'verse could be so cold and merciless just because it could be.

The Battle of Serenity had been a bloodbath. That wasn't the part that bothered him, as losses were expected in war. Close friends had died, drowning in their own blood. While heartbreaking, it wasn't terribly shocking. Dreams had shattered, proven to be foolish in the aftermath of the battle. That had upset him, but it hadn't broken him. Dreams could be remade and envisioned again if discarded. He didn't have a home to go to anymore, so he knew the ranch on Shadow could never figure into his future dreams. That was almost easy.

Finding out that his other trusted subordinate was a spy had broken him.

Mal had thought he was dreaming when Akira Gonzalez had been whispering into a wave machine in Spanish. Mal's Spanish was more fractured than his Mandarin, but he could pick out enough words to figure out what was going on. A few well-placed punches had loosened the rest of the story from Gonzalez's tongue. Gonzalez had thought to curry favor with Alliance generals and win him a pickup from the valley. He thought he could avoid a slow death by dysentery before both sides agreed to a treaty, and begged Mal to understand. "I can't die here like this," he had begged. "I've seen it back home, and I can't do it. I can't."

Mal had put a bullet between his eyes on the spot.

Zoe hadn't questioned him when he said that Gonzalez had committed suicide. Plenty of officers around them were taking the cowardly way out. Fear of death made men act strangely, after all, and Zoe had always trusted Mal. He didn't tell her the truth about Gonzalez, and surreptitiously began to watch her. He began to test her, subtly, and watched her reactions. She never hesitated, never lied, never did anything less than her best.

Still, it had taken her a full year to earn back the trust she had never destroyed.

Mal trusted her judgment. He trusted her with his life, his ship, and his crew. He trusted her with everything that was important. Zoe had seemed to become his mirror image with Wash's death, so he was glad to see that she was taking a greater interest in what was going on around her. He would need her eyes and sense on this. The strike against the Alliance using Miranda had merely been the first salvo. This war was going to be subversive. There were no overt targets, so no tactics the Independents had used in the past would work. If anything, the eclectic crew he had gathered would likely be able to come up with something. The recent events had served to cement them together tighter than any job would have. They had become more than crew in the past month, and had more than earned his trust.

He hoped he could be just as worthy of them.

***

Vera thought Kara might be unhappy with the change in plans, though she stoically accepted staying through the weekend. On Monday morning, however, she was missing. Vera sent Charles and Horace on ahead with Jayne to the garage in town, saying she would take care of Kara. They happily enough went to town, and Vera bit back the grumbling she would have liked to do. She was sure there was a good enough reason why Kara would be mad at them. Lord knew Vera was mad enough at them herself. Of all the relatives in the extended family, Charles Grady was the most shiftless. That in itself was saying something, considering the hard times that had fallen over Beylix recently. Most folk didn't mind working hard in trade since cash was low. She'd traded supplies from her garden to have her downstairs bathroom sink fixed not two months prior to Jayne's visit.

Vera cleaned up the kitchen and began tidying up the downstairs. The Gradys had made a bit of a mess in the den, which she had expected, really. Guests, even neat ones, always left some sort of mess that needed cleaning up after. Plus, there was still the backyard to neaten up and the usual schedule to fall into. The twins were upstairs getting ready for the day, and River was still asleep. That was unusual for her, but the twins had reported that River had a hard time sleeping the night before, and had been pacing in her room for an hour or two before finally settling down to sleep. Vera wondered if the reunion had unsettled her too much; she still remembered River's initial reaction to the house and meeting new people.

After clearing up the clutter in the den, she gathered up the laundry and brought it to the laundry room in the back of the house. She began the load and headed out to the backyard to check up on her garden. There were herbs to gather for that day's cooking, and she wanted to check on the tomatoes and strawberries.

Vera certainly didn't expect to find Kara Grady asleep beneath the rose bushes with an empty bottle of whiskey by her side.

Lips pursed in displeasure, Vera shook Kara awake. The girl was groggy, and pushed her hands up over her face to blot out the sun. She made incoherent noises and attempted to roll away from Vera. Vera continued to shake her shoulder, and finally Kara let loose with a savage curse in Hindi and rolled up to a sitting position.

She blinked in surprise at seeing Vera. She shook her head to clear it, and out of the corner of her eye saw the whiskey bottle. "Oh. Guess I'm in trouble now."

"Did you drink this entire bottle?"

"No," Kara said, surly. "Dad got a good start on it before I took it."

"Huh. So you think it's a good idea to start on drinkin' just like your daddy?" Vera asked, her tone harsh. She had never looked kindly on alcoholics that tore apart their family and didn't think they had a problem. She was gratified to see Kara flinch.

"He was yellin' yesterday," Kara muttered, looking at the ground. "And it ain't like I got someone to talk to really."

"You seemed to get on good with Vi and Vicky."

"They got each other to talk to. They think I'm dumb."

"River's a sweetheart. You could've talked to her."  
Kara frowned. Vera thought that Kara was awfully good at sulking and not too good on taking responsibility for her won actions. "She got Jayne. They were suckin' face so hard they didn't even see me in the barn last night."

Vera was very quietly trying not to lose her temper with the sulky teenager in front of her. She'd dealt with sulky teenagers before, and knew that sometimes you had to tread very carefully with them. A few misplaced words had sent Christina off to the Hunter household without a backward glance, and Vera had never seen her again.

"Tell me what happened," she said, keeping her voice steady.

"Why? 'M I gonna git in trouble?" Kara asked, eyes squinting up at Vera.

"Depends on if you deserve it."

"I didn't _do_ nothin'! I was beddin' down, and Horace stole my pillow, and I yanked it back. When he grabbed it, he wound up throwin' it across the room at Pa. He started hollerin' at me like I did it, and was wavin' around the bottle like it was some pointer. So I got up and I yelled back that he was blind and dumb and drunk off his ass. I grabbed the bottle and I left. I figured I could just sleep it off like he does." Kara crossed her arms over her knees and rested her chin over her crossed forearms. "He's just _stupid_ sometimes."

_Don't I know it,_ Vera wanted to say. She kept silent, nodding. "So now what? You turn into some mean drunk like him?"

"No."

She took in the sulky look and shifting eyes. Vera wondered how often this very scenario had played out in their home in Yarsbrook. She wondered if Kara had anyone at all to talk to, and doubted it. There wasn't much family out by Yarsbrook, especially after Kara's mother had died when the girl was six. "Didn't you tell me you were the best archer?"

"Five years running," Kara said, looking up. "Fine lot that does me."

"Isn't that a good thing he can say about you?"

"It's just what makes it my job to hunt down dinner." Kara shrugged. "I don't mind it, since I do it better'n Horace. I just... he coulda not yelled."

"So why take the whiskey?" Vera prodded.

"'Cause he wanted it. And if I drank it, he couldn't, and I could get piss drunk my own self."

"That's not the way to help."

"Don't matter," Kara mumbled, perching her chin on her arms again. All folded up, she looked as though she could be packaged and tucked away in the barn. That was probably the original intent, anyway. "He's just drunk all the damn time. Ever since Ma died."

Vera bit back what she was about to say. "Do you remember Sashi?"

"No. Not really. I remember her yellin' at Pa and tellin' him to shut up. I remember how it smelled when she cooked when the Patel cousins were over. But then they all moved out to Paquin and didn't care no more." Kara tucked her face completely within her arms. As a result, her voice was muffled. "I don't remember what she looked like."

"She was beautiful," Vera said, voice soft. "Long, dark hair, dark eyes. She was such a sweet girl at the wedding. Did you know they mixed Indian traditions in? She wore a bright yellow dress on her wedding day. Your daddy hadn't started drinking then."

Kara was very silent. "Yeah, well, he does now," she mumbled after a moment.

"He missed your mother a lot when she died."

"She's still dead."

"And you're not," Vera nearly snapped. "So now what?"

"What? Ain't nobody here for me. Ain't nobody there for me back home. Ain't nothin' nowhere, and nothing's gonna change about that. You keep saying them girls are poor little things, but they ain't so defenseless. They ain't so little. And River, I heard you. Like she's someone left out to hang on her own. She told me herself her own parents don't want her no more. But she's got Jayne and she's got you, and she got a brother somewhere that's sick. That's not alone. They all got more'n me."

Vera set her jaw. "Ever think you could be their friend, Kara?"

"Pft. I heard them. I'm some stupid girl. No thank you."

"River would never say that."

"She's some genius girl, she is. Tellin' me about whatever she was learning. But even genius girls do bad things, I guess."

As much as Kara seemed to want to feel sorry for herself, Vera did still want to know what happened between Jayne and River. Maybe her hints had finally worked.

"So what happened in the barn?"

"They came, they did tonsil hockey, I left. They looked awful close."  
Vera could hear the longing in the girl's voice. "You'll find someone."

"Not in Yarsbrook."

"Maybe not," Vera conceded. "But sometimes the one you're looking for pops up when you least expect it. I didn't expect Theo to be my one."

"How'd you know, then?"

"Something in you just realizes it's time," Vera murmured. "Something clicks. It all starts to make sense. You just haven't hit that point yet."

"You think River an' Jayne hit that point," Kara guessed.

"A mother can hope," Vera replied. She stood up. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up and fed a bit. You'll feel better in a bit."

"How d'you know?"

"Sometimes just telling the story is enough to help." Vera put out her hand, and Kara hesitantly took it. "Sometimes you just need a willing ear to listen."

"I don't have that," Kara said, voice soft.

"You do with me," Vera said, just as softly. She pulled the girl to her feet, and they slowly walked back to the house. Kara already seemed to feel better, and that cocky look was back as she sat down at the kitchen table.

Still, her words haunted Vera. Maybe Jayne had listened to her for a change, and saw the potential in a life with River. Perhaps he would have been drawn to her anyway, if her plight didn't necessitate marriage.

In any case, Vera had some children to talk to.

***

Julian Chang met his son Gregory on Shinon. "My son."

"Father. The years have been exceedingly kind to you."

Julian smiled at his youngest son. "You grow more and more like your beloved mother. How does life here agree with you? You look well."

Gregory nodded. "The latest opera house is near completion. Next, we will finalize plans on the Great Opera House in Capital City, Osiris." He smiled at his father, full of pride. "I will at last be head engineer on that project."

Julian had known that, of course. He had made subtle comments to the architects doing to the reinforcements to the ancient Opera House, and they had been pleased with Gregory's prior accomplishments. It gave him the perfect excuse to arrive on Osiris. "Perhaps I should visit you there. It would allow me to see what you do and how it progresses. I never did see your performance in action."

Gregory nodded, his face serious. "Thank you, Father. It honors me to have you there."

Julian smiled at him gently. "You are my son," he began, grasping Gregory's hand. "That is honor enough, and pride enough, for us both. If I move into the next cycle of reincarnation, I will carry the knowledge that all of my sons are good, strong men, successful in their own right."

"I always thought you were displeased with me," Gregory confessed in a rush. He could not meet his father's eyes with the admission. He had always known he was the odd one in the family, the son that didn't go into the military. He had been drawn to engineering, the lines and designs and geometry of structure. He had never enjoyed death or blood, had never enjoyed moving people about as pawns. Growing up, he had looked on his father and brothers in amazement, wondering how they could do so with others. Gregory had never been good at strategy or chess, had never been able to puzzle out the intricate plots and counterplots of his brothers at play. His mother would only smile and say he would come into his own. It was too bad she had died before his graduation day. The row of stern faces in military uniform had nearly caused him to choke before giving his valedictory speech.

"Oh, no. Never think that. I just never knew what to say or what to ask." Julian smiled ruefully as Gregory looked up in amazement. "War is my trade, not peace. But it is better to work for peace, and better to build for life."

"I haven't heard you speak of this before."

"As a man ages, his mortality creeps up and taps him on the shoulder." Julian smiled at his youngest son. "It makes him contemplative, and you begin to question your life's actions. You begin to wonder if you will advance toward Nirvana at death, or begin the cycle again."

"You will advance, Father," Gregory insisted. "You have always been an honorable man."

Julian smiled at his son. It was a statement that reminded him so sharply of Evangeline, her unwavering faith in his goodness and the rightness of things. _All things work out in the end,_ she often said. _Just wait, Julian. Even you will have to admit that karma finds us all and gives us what we need._ She would smile, lessening the sting of her words. _There is more to life than war and regulation._

"Sometimes even good men can make mistakes they must atone for." He passed a slip of plasfilm toward his son. "I am an old man now. I have recently discovered that not all of my impressions were correct ones, and I feel I must correct them."

Gregory's eyes widened over the sheet. "Father..."

"Not aloud," Julian cautioned. "Walls have ears, doors have eyes, and not all is as it seems." He looked deeply into Gregory's eyes. "This room is safe, as there is much we have to discuss. Your brothers have been called to help us as well. This is not an easy fight. But all worthy things carry a cost, and must be fought. I trust in you, my son. I trust in your heart and trust that if you cannot aid in this quest, you will remain silent."

"Of course I would help you, Father."

Julian shook his head sternly. "Listen as I speak, then decide. I would not wish filial piety to place you in danger."

"My place is to help you, Father. I will do whatever I can. I'm no fighter, but whatever I can do, I will do." Gregory looked at his father earnestly. He looked so much like Evangeline that Julian thought his heart would burst with pride. "Tell me everything."

***

Inara rested her head on her favorite gilt pillow. She had rented a set of rooms in Capital City, and Hector had swept it and the surrounding area for listening devices and tiny cameras. He had declared the area clean, and only then did she move a few belongings into it. Hector took the room closest to the door, and declared that he would remain at all times to guard the sanctity of the place. He also insisted he would do periodic sweeps. Inara would be able to freely move about and give out directions to the new safe house. It would be a better place to plan or discuss secrets than the Tam backyard.

Earlier, Inara met Kaylee at the Bamboo Flower Tea Shop while Simon had his last physical therapy session. They hugged tightly, and sat down for tea. Inara passed Kaylee a slip of paper tucked in a napkin, and Kaylee grinned as she stuck it into her pocket. "Oh, I missed you. Lots been happenin', and it's good to talk to somebody," Kaylee said.

Inara gave her a smile. "All in time, _mei mei._ I would rather ask about the wedding plans for now."

"Oh! That, too!" Kaylee cried. She seemed to be back to her usual bubbly self. They began to chat about dresses, jewelry and different ways to hold the ceremony. Anyone listening for subversive content would have been thoroughly bored. They discussed fabrics and detailing at length, then finally left the shop arm in arm.

"Now tell me," Inara said, voice soft. "Briefly."

"I got drawings and plans. We kinda got a plan of action, too." Kaylee wished she could tell Inara about Simon's newly discovered power, but it wasn't her secret to tell. She hoped Simon would be able to talk about it, but she knew how ashamed he felt. He wanted to save lives, not take advantage of death. He didn't like the thought of touching dead bodies with his bare hands, and didn't like the thought of their memories overriding his. He didn't want to train in the skill, having to handle the dead and their shifting last thoughts. Kaylee didn't blame him.

"I've enlisted help," Inara said softly.

"I knew you would," Kaylee gushed. "And I think it'll work itself out."

"It sounds dangerous," Inara warned.

"Well, sure. But if they don't know we're coming..."

"After what happened almost two months ago, I think they're all expecting something. They're watching for us. I don't know how much we can hide from them."

"Huh. You think so?"

"Certainly. There is always someone looking into what you're doing in the Core Worlds. There is always risk."

Kaylee pondered that for a moment. "You've come up with something, though?"

"Of course," Inara said, smiling at Kaylee. She then steered the conversation elsewhere.

Now, alone in her rooms, Inara curled around her favorite gilt pillow. She had been young once. That Inara had left the Core Worlds because she had been disillusioned with her peers. She had believed in the tenets of her profession and her faith. She had thought she understood how things worked, but now was old enough to know better.

She hoped she hadn't lied to Kaylee.

***  
***


	30. Connection Drop

Angela Cruz was dreaming.

There was music in the background, pressure over her lips and the feeling of skin pressed up tightly against hers. She could hear the sound of her heart beating, and it felt as if her heart was caught in her throat. There was fear underneath the dream, and she knew her hands were curling into fists. _Someone will see..._ she thought feverishly. She tried to shake the dream loose and force herself awake. _Someone will know..._ She refused to be a party to this, refused to let them win. One got out; there was hope for the rest. _You have to run,_ her mind screamed. She hoped she could get the message across. _RUN!_

"She's fighting it."

"Well then, increase the dosage. We want _something_ to hand them at report."

"It might kill her."

"We have others."

"Yes, sir."

Angela felt herself falling under a layer of ether.

_They're coming,_ her mind screamed. _They're coming for you._

***

Charles Grady smiled in the face of Jayne's glower and surreptitiously shoved his son partially behind him. "Look, I had no idea it would cost that much to fix up the wheel..."

"Huh. So how 'bout this? I front the money, you go home, you send me back the money."

"Uh, well, about that..."

"What?"

Horace stepped out from behind his father. "Pa ain't got none at home."

Jayne leveled his harshest stare at Charles, who simply tried to smile. There was a fine film of sweat beading his brow, and he was patting an empty back pocket. Jayne had long since thrown the other man's slim flask away. "You don't got money, but you drink like you do."

"Now look, everybody's got to have some liquor now and again..."

"When ya got coin for it!" Jayne snapped. He marched over to the mechanic and began to talk in low whispers. Finally, he stalked back toward Charles. "Mike and I got a deal goin'."

Charles' face showed his relief. "I knew I could count on kin..."

"Don't you talk over me," Jayne hissed. "I didn't pay for nothing. _You_ are going to work here for Mike and earn your way. You'll be here and do as he says for as long as he needs work to be done to pay it off. _Dong ma?"_

Charles gulped and tried to smile. "Uh, yeah. Sure thing. Of course."

"Yeah. Thought you'd go for that. I'll be the one tellin' Ma about this."

Horace shot his father a questioning look, but remained silent. He followed his mute father back toward Vera's home.

***

Inara walked into the Tam estate and breezed past the servants trying to take her cloak or offer her refreshments. She sat at the piano and began to play softly. As she knew he would, Mal came into the room soon enough. She smiled at him gently as she continued the piece. "It's Innsdale," she said, rather unnecessarily.

Mal nodded, a strange tilt to his mouth. "The Silver Moon Sonata. You remembered."

Inara began to play a little louder, her smile widening. "You remember our conversation?"

"I remember a lot of things."

"Do you still feel that way? That this is a harsh place?"

"Always was, always will. The 'verse don't change overnight, no matter what anybody says. Most things never do change."

"I could help you think otherwise."

"Don't," Mal said, holding up a hand. "Don't throw away your career for me."

"I wasn't going to," she replied quietly. She turned back to the piano keys and was silent as another string of notes flowed from her fingers. She added a few grace notes as a flourish to the final measure, then closed the piano.

"Inara." Mal caught her arm as she tried to move past him. He looked pointedly to the walls and then back at her. She raised her eyebrows at him and he shook his head. "Look, don't be this way. Why don't I walk with you and you can calm down a bit?"

She nodded at him regally, her lips twisting with a wry smile. "If I must," she replied, voice arch and infernally regal. That tone haunted his nightmares.

He guided her out through the patio doors. He accepted the slip of paper she slipped him, and tucked it into his pocket. "I did go and find help, just as I told Kaylee I would."

"Huh. What kind of help is that?"

"Generals, Mal," Inara said, her voice still arch. "Military and intelligence officers. I know high ranking people that are willing to help us."

"They are? Alliance helping Independents?"

Inara stopped walking and glared at Mal. "Why can't you just accept help gracefully?"

"They're _Alliance,_ Inara. They're the same kind of folk that think they can medicate and cut up and kill whatever they don't like. You _saw_ what they wanted to do. You think that kind of folk is going to sit right with me?"

"These aren't those kind," Inara replied, her voice plaintive. Her eyes searched his face anxiously, hoping he would be able to push his prejudices aside. "Please, Mal. We can't do this on our own. It's too big for just us, and we don't know what they know."

Mal thought of River's Reading abilities and what they knew about her involvement in the Academy. He tried to imagine how many families were caught up in the tangled web of lies, and how many children were tied down and cut into. He tried to think of how many other dead bodies littered their hallways, and how many lies they told themselves so they could sleep at night. They wanted to do these things in the name of civilization, in the name of order and peace. They told themselves that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, and that a small percentage loss was acceptable.

He didn't think it was. He would never think it was.

"I'll own up to not knowing as much as I should."

"Okay then. That's a safe address. Stop by tomorrow night at seven. I'll have dinner ready, and we can discuss whatever plans you've started making."

Mal looked at her sharply. "What?"

"I know you, Mal. You would've started plotting already. And besides, I just spoke with Kaylee yesterday. She mentioned plans and schematics and such. We all know she probably already started testing out prototypes of whatever she was talking about." Inara smiled genuinely at Mal, and hooked her arm through his. "And that's fine. We'll work with whatever you've got. They only have an idea of how bad it's been, and I'm sure that you'll all have lots to say to each other."

"I don't have to like 'em, do I?"

Inara laughed, a sound like tinkling bells. "No, you don't. But I hope you do. Some of them I know very well, and they are genuinely lovely people."

Mal didn't want to think of how she knew them very well, and remained silent. He took her on another tour of the backyard, then brought her back inside. "I'll think on what you said," he told her solemnly.

"That's all I ask," Inara replied, voice soft and gentle as ever.

They both wondered if they were actually fooling anyone.

***

River yawned and stretched out her arms. She rolled out of bed and took a quick shower, since she was aware that it was much later in the morning than she had planned on waking. The twins would want their training; she felt as though Friday's family reunion had upset her sense of time and space. There were reasons, of course, and thinking of them made her blush. She could still feel the imprint of Jayne's hand on her hip and could feel the press of his lips against hers. He almost hadn't meant last night to happen, and she was glad that she had convinced him it would be all right to sneak away for a bit of time.

Suddenly a riot of thoughts shot through her defenses.

_Not right, not to say something..._ That one sounded like Vera, and it carried a tangle of emotions along with it.

_They're coming for you..._ That voice was different, and River didn't recognize it. It sounded almost like a young girl caught up in the Academy. _Listen to me,_ she pleaded. _They're coming..._

Wenshén, another voice hissed. _We'll find her, we'll get everything back under control. Then he won't have to mete punishment..._

River tried to reach out with her mind to feel Simon, but couldn't feel anything. _Where are you, Simon? Why can't I feel your presence anymore?_ It was almost like something was masking him, shielding him from her view. Jayne would think that it was silly, that she shouldn't be worried by such a thing. He would think it probably meant that Simon was too busy with Kaylee or getting better. Jayne wouldn't worry about it, and would probably tell her that she was reading too much into things. But she couldn't shake the feeling that bad things were happening, and that it was only a matter of time until her idyll ended.

She hurried down the stairs and stopped short when she saw Vera and Kara in the kitchen. Kara's eyes were all reddened and puffy, as if she had just finished crying. River stepped back, just out of sight, not sure how to proceed.

"It weren't my fault, not really. I just... I don't remember nothing, not really. I think they were arguing 'bout me. And then that's it."

Vera nodded. "You were so young. I would be surprised if you did remember."

Kara rubbed at her eyes and pushed herself up and away from the table. "I'm gonna wash up and stuff. I don't want to talk to nobody right now."

Startled, River stepped forward. She didn't want Kara to think she had been spying on the entire conversation when she hadn't. "Good morning," she said gaily, announcing her presence. Kara looked up, surprised, and Vera seemed to be searching her face closely. River deliberately didn't try to push her way into Vera's mind to figure out what it meant. It wasn't polite, and she actually liked Vera.

"I did want to talk to you, River. It's a good thing you're up," Vera said, nodding at Kara. "You go on. I'll see you later." Kara slipped from the room, not meeting River's eyes.

"Is there something you wish to speak about?" River asked, moving to the refrigerator. She opened it and found the orange juice easily enough.

Vera handed her a glass. "So what's been going on between you and my son?" she asked baldly.

River's eyes fluttered as she poured the orange juice. "What do you mean?"

"You said you had eyes for him. And he seemed to have eyes your way, if I recall." River nodded, not sure what to say. "So how do things stand now?"

River began drinking her orange juice. "I still have feelings. I still believe there is genuine caring on both our parts."

"Huh. Enough to kiss in the barn."

River looked at Vera in alarm. "What?"

"Kara saw you two down in the barn last night. Ran off and such, but I suppose there was more than just kissing." The blush rising on River's cheeks told Vera more than enough. "Huh. I guess there was, wasn't there?"

"We are... not unopposed to a match." She smiled at Vera. "It's almost funny, how things have changed from when we first met."

"I'll bet," Vera replied. "So should I be calling the preacher?"

River shook her head. "Not just yet..." Her left hand rose to clasp the upper portion of her right arm. The glass in her right hand didn't tremble a bit.

"And why not? Don't tell me he didn't ask you to marry him yet?"

"It would be... most difficult... right now." River looked at Vera pleadingly, hoping she would understand. River didn't know how to explain about the genetic tags, why it was so important that she not be found yet.

But Vera didn't seem to understand her rising panic. "Look, I'll talk to him today. I'm sure he's just got some nerves. He still seems to think he's no good." Vera smiled and patted River's left arm reassuringly. "You go on and play with the girls."

And so she was dismissed. Miserable, River went off in search of the twins. At least if she trained them, she could take her mind off of the impending disaster.

***

Kaylee woke suddenly, still curled up in Simon's arms. She leaned into his embrace, and he curled up tighter around her, still asleep. She snuggled deeper into him, his heartbeat steady next to her ear. Simon muttered something, and it seemed almost as though he was about to wake as well. She smiled against his chest and let her hands move along his hips.

"Kaylee?"

"Yeah," she murmured, shifting to look up at him. His eyes were still mostly closed. "Awake?"

"No," he murmured, smiling. "You?"

Kaylee grinned, her hand tracing the curve of Simon's hip. "Nope. I do know how you can help me with that, though."

He laughed, then trailed his fingers down her arm. "I can imagine."

Kaylee moved her hand over his cock, stroking gently. "I think I need a certain doctor's touch to help me sleep tonight." His breath caught, and then he kissed her fiercely. One of his hands moved down to the junction of her thighs, and the hand around his cock tightened.

"Think everyone else is asleep?" Simon asked sleepily.

"Oh yeah. It's time for all the fun, _bao bei,"_ Kaylee murmured.

Simon slid his hand beneath the waistband of her panties. "Mmm... good... I think I could help you sleep tonight."

Her lips were just against his skin, her breath warm and moist. She shifted slightly against him, pulling slightly back so that they could caress each other. It was the light touches that always undid her. Simon was always gentle with her, as if he was afraid of breaking her. But his touch was maddeningly precise, drawing her in with its attention. He was a damn fine kisser, too, and he always knew how to bring her to her knees. Kaylee groaned as he slid a finger into her. She shuddered beneath him, gasping as waves of pleasure rose. He drew soft, mewling cries out of her as his fingers moved around her clit in slow, deliberate circles.

Simon shifted in the bed so that he was rising over her. He was still somewhat awkward, but he did manage to get his knees on either side of her writhing body. His fingers were still moving against her clit, still drawing her breath out of her body in heaving gasps. She whimpered his name again, her voice breaking. Simon inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her rising arousal, feeling her grow increasingly slick against his fingers. "What do you need?"

"Need... you... now..."

He thrust two fingers deep inside of her and used his thumb to stroke her clit. He continued rubbing against her, his own breath short and frantic. He almost didn't trust himself around her; what if he fell and hurt her by accident? But Kaylee bucked beneath him, and his body ached for hers. She arched up off of the bed suddenly, gasping "Simon! Simon, please..." He could feel her body tighten around his fingers, could hear her breath come in short gasps.

Simon moved, and he thought he was rough with her. But Kaylee bit back a shriek, her head falling back and into the pillow. Her eyes were shut tight as she tried to catch her breath. "Oh. Wow. Simon..."

"I can't wait, Kaylee," he moaned, stretching out over her. "I..."

"Now," Kaylee pleaded, pulling his hips down as she spread her legs wide. She sighed when he sank down into her, and she began to move in time. "Oh... You feel so good..."

"You're _amazing,"_ Simon moaned, thrusting into her wet heat.

_No, you are,_ Kaylee thought, unable to speak. Two weeks ago, she thought he was about to die. Now she was amazed. He was walking and talking and able to fuck her senseless.

Kaylee barely had enough presence of mind to muffle her cries when she came.

Simon came soon after, and collapsed on top of her. Kaylee shifted beneath him, finding a comfortable spot to sleep in. "Mmm... Definitely good medicine, doc," she teased, threading her fingers through his hair.

Simon laughed, and pressed a kiss to her throat. "You're very welcome. Good night."

Wrapped up securely in each others' arms, they slept. They were unaware of the machinations that were just beginning to take shape.

***

A pair of tall, thin identical twins were standing in an isolation cell deep within the bowels of the Academy. Two formless lumps lay at their feet. One was kneeling, pulling a slim metal wand out from the pocket of one of the lumps. He gracefully rose to his feet and presented the wand to his twin. They both had shoulder length dark hair and slanted green eyes. They were dressed impeccably in matching dark suits and black gloves. Had they been on Earth-That-Was, they might have been called Yakuza. Here in the Academy, they were simply Enforcers. They had names, of course, but few ever heard them actually speak.

Ferdinand smiled thinly at Algernon. "Well now, I think we have done well."

Algernon tapped the motionless form of Mr. Merchant with the edge of his foot. "This one certainly isn't moving. Yours appears just as... _chastised."_

Ferdinand's smile was sharp and full of teeth. "I do so love it when Father gives us appropriate work to do."

"Yes." The S sound was stretched out and sibilant. Algernon's smile matched that of his twin. "I do think our task here is finished. The acid will finish the decomposition."

"They had found nothing, too. That's too bad. I would have liked to know where the lovely Miss Tam was hiding. Her insight would be delicious."

"Brother mine, Father most explicitly didn't want her touched."

Ferdinand shook his head. "He said nothing about other ways."

_"Oh._ Well then. Eldest first, but my turn should not be forgotten."

"When we find her."

Algernon grinned, exposing his sharp teeth. "Yes, oh yes. We will find her, we will see what there is to see. And when her lovely new sister joins us..."

Ferdinand arched a dark brow. "Oh?"

"Did you not listen to the tapes, brother mine? It's only a matter of time before the tart is a Tam. I do believe all Tams fall under our purview."

He laughed, a creepifying cackle. "Why yes, they do."

"Well then. Our new Mrs. Tam is under our domain." Algernon bowed deeply before his twin brother. "Our Father is most generous, is he not?"

"That he is, brother dear." Ferdinand caught his brother's shoulder length dark hair in a fist and pulled him close. "And am I not generous to you as well?"

Algernon's breath caught, and he gazed upon his twin's face with love. "Oh yes."

"Well then. Show me how you love me. Show me how you'll force the new Mrs. Tam to tell us all her secrets." Ferdinand's fist tightened in his brother's hair. "If you convince me hard enough, I may even let you taste her first."

When Ferdinand let go, Algernon dropped to his knees. "You really are most generous."

Ferdinand began to laugh. "Of course I am, brother dear. I am as Father made me, just as you are what Father made you. Too bad our dear sister doesn't know we exist."

"Ah, but she's not really our dear sister."

"She is by Program terms," Ferdinand corrected.

"That is all that matters," Algernon said with a nod. He bowed his head. "Forgive me, I have made an error."

Ferdinand's eyes narrowed to thin slits, and his lips pressed themselves into a narrow gash across his face. "Yes, you did, brother mine." His hand fell to the top of his brother's head, fingertips exerting only the barest of pressures. "I shall have to discipline you severely." He took in Algernon's reflexive shudder of anticipation.

"Yes, brother, please."

"And when I am finished with you, we will pay a visit to our new family members. Someone will know where the lovely Miss Tam is waiting for us."

Everything was really only a matter of time.

***  
***


	31. Reversals

River found Jayne in the backyard, weeding his mother's garden. Sometimes, he swore she was just making up chores for him to do. The twins were resting and chatting nearby, their heads bent together closely. They seemed to eye the two of them and whisper, falling into giggles after a few moments. River wished she could ask what it was, but they fell silent whenever she tried to get too close. _It must be twinspeak,_ she thought sadly. _Something only true siblings ever seem to have._ She tried not to think of why Simon was so silent. She tried to tell herself it was only distance, and that even she had limits to her skills.

But she knew she had been designed to be limitless, and she knew she had been designed to feel everything all at once. The only thing the Alliance had forgotten to put into the design was the proper filters to process all the data she was made to collate.

"Jayne?" River asked, voice uncertain and wavering.

"Huh?" he asked, not looking up from the weeding. He was almost done, and then he would take a long, hot bath and relax. He hopefully wouldn't have to deal with Charles Grady, though somehow he had the feeling that Vera was going to make that one of his chores, too.

"There is something bad coming," she whispered, a shiver falling down her spine. "Your mother would see us married quickly."

Jayne looked up and sat back on his haunches. He blinked slowly. "Now why would she do that? We didn't tell 'er nothing yet."

"She's seen us looking at each other."

"Scared?"

"Not of you," River murmured honestly. "You would protect me."

"Then what?"

"The others. The Academy. The Two by Two, Hands of Blue. They will come looking, and they will want to retrieve their property."

"Well, if you get married to me, you'd be mine."

River pushed back the reflexive offense that rose to those words. That's what everyone had intended from the first, that she gain new kin and new next of kin. _Someone else to control me, but someone that can be controlled._

"And anyway, nobody's gonna be stupid enough to come 'round this way," Jayne continued blithely. He pulled at a stubborn weed. "Ain't nothin' here but farms and scrap heaps and junk as far as the eye can see. As far as fancy Core places go, this is far from it." He looked up and met River's eyes. "Nobody would think to look for you here."

"I worry," River whispered, falling to sit next to him. "I worry that we are not clever enough."

"Huh. You're smart enough for everybody here. We'll keep you safe."

River felt he was missing her point, and fell silent. She dropped her head to his shoulder and sighed. After a moment, Jayne dropped his arm to cover her shoulders. "I promise," he added needlessly. "I meant it."

She tilted her head up to meet his gaze. "I believe you. I trust you."

"Good." He gave her shoulders a squeeze. "I'm almost done here. Why not head on in. You can join me in my shower," he added, leering playfully at her.

River smiled, nodding. "I certainly will."

Jayne blinked. "Oh yeah?" He grinned suddenly, as if realizing for the first time that being in a relationship meant _fun_ things as well as stupid nitpicky things. "That'll be fun. Ever take a shower with a man before?" His grin widened as River shook her head.

"I think that'll be fun to try out." Her smile was soft, and it made him want to kiss her. "How will I know if I like it or not until I try it?" River added, which only made Jayne laugh out loud.

"You know, this won't be bad at all, you think? We'll tell Ma over dinner and such. She'll be real happy, I think."

"She's been asking me," River said softly. "Kara saw us kissing last night. Vera told me that she would be talking to you about asking me to marry you."

"Well now, I already did that. Did you tell her?"

"I didn't think it was appropriate to explain the situation." Jayne watched as a blush spread across River's cheeks. "And we should tell her together."

"I suppose she'd be put out if we didn't," Jayne replied with a smile. He pulled out the last few weeds with a flourish. "We'll tell her tonight."

River nodded, a slight smile on her face. "There is no need to hide our hearts or shy from the truth of us. Silence serves as a prison, and telling her would give us some modicum of freedom."

Jayne blinked. "Mode of come? Girl, you say some _hot_ things sometimes." He pulled her close without thinking of the twins sitting nearby and kissed her on the mouth. "Hurry on up, I'll be right behind you." Blushing furiously, River scurried into the house. Only then did Jayne notice the twins, who were staring at him goggle-eyed. "Oh... uh... Is everything okay?" They both nodded in unison. "Do you need me for anything?" They shook their heads in unison. The sight was downright creepifying, truth be told. Jayne scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'll see you two at dinner, then."

The twins stared at each other for a long moment, then broke out into wide grins. "Ooh. I can't wait to see how they are at dinner!" Victoria cried, clutching her twin's arm. "Do you think they'll say anything?"

"I don't know... When do you think that started?"

"Do you think something happened at the party? When you told Jayne about her being upset? I'll bet that's when it happened."

"When?" Viola asked, surprised. "He wasn't gone for very long, and neither was she. Neither one looked like they did something."

"Who knows. You know how Gramma always said he was a wild one after he left."

"Huh." Viola looked toward the house. "D'you think they're off for more wild stuff?"

Victoria laughed. "I'll bet. Should we tell Gramma?"

"Nah. She's a sharp one. She prob'ly saw this a mile away."

Inside the house, River had already begun to run the shower water. She had stripped off her clothing and dropped it down on the bathroom floor. The water was hot and steaming, and it did wonders to unknot the tension in her shoulders. She heard the door open a few minutes later, and the sound of boots hitting the floor tiles. She smiled to herself, and bowed her head slightly. There was the sound of a belt being undone, and the susurrus of clothing being removed. The shower curtain moved back slightly, and River felt Jayne's presence behind her. His hands slid over her shoulders, kneading them slightly. They slid down her arms, and he tucked his face into the curve of her neck. "Hey."

River turned around slightly. "Hey." She pushed her hair out of her face and smiled up at him. He was solid muscle and sinew, and his arms slid easily around her.

Jayne lathered up a washcloth hanging on the shower caddy with the soap. He gently began to scrub at River's cheeks. She closed her eyes and leaned into the cloth, letting him scrub her forehead. He found her trust to be comforting, as though something right had happened between them after all. He wasn't sure what forgotten deity had decided to smile upon him, but he wasn't so ungrateful that he would continue to throw it all away. He soaped up her entire body carefully, gently and almost reverently. There was a soft smile on her face all the while, and her fingertips rested gently over his shoulder.

Jayne pressed his face against her, just below her belly button. The water cascaded down around his face, and he could smell her scent. He slid a hand between her thighs, sliding his fingers across her wet folds. She gasped, and Jayne grinned against her pubic bone.

He stood up slowly, his other hand tracing the curve of her hip. It trailed up over her rib cage, then across her front. His hand moved from her breast and then trailed down her belly. His other fingertips grazed the pubic hair between her legs, teasing her. Jayne then dropped a kiss onto her collarbone, his tongue tasting her skin. He slowly kissed his way up to her jaw, then up to her ear. Jayne pulled her slightly forward, out of the water's stream. River could hardly breathe from the anticipation rising within her. His fingers moved in a slow rhythm against her clit, and he took her earlobe into his mouth, sucking it. He shifted position slightly so that he had better access to her bared breasts. He played with them, suckling and nibbling at her flesh, making her moan. Trailing his lips along her skin, he felt her twitch restlessly beneath his mouth.

"Oh!" River cried, startled even though she knew that he could bring her such incredible pleasure with just a touch. His fingers brushed over her clit slightly harder, and the pleasure had sent shockwaves through her. "There, don't stop, don't..."

Jayne slid his fingers inside of her and rubbed at her clit with his thumb. He moved slowly, deliberately, as the water sluiced down around them. "I ain't stopping for nothin'," he replied, his voice a low growl. This had been a fantasy of his since he was twenty and saw it on a vidwave in a brothel. That particular whore had been fairly disagreeable to the idea; water cost twice as much as the actual sex on that moon.

Her breath caught, and she looked down at him. She could see his hand between her legs, his lips against her belly. River could feel the wetness between her legs grow even wetter. "Yes," she whimpered. Her hips pressed into his hand, and she could only gasp for breath. "Oh, there... I like it right there..."

Jayne moved down lower, his lips caressing her skin. Soon his tongue dipped into her belly button, then licked a trail straight down to her sensitive clit. Then his lips closed around the nub, tugging gently. River barely had enough presence of mind to keep from crying out.

As River tumbled into her orgasm, Jayne pressed her against the cool tiles and lifted her hips. It was almost like being in the barn again, the angle to hold her and the strength to keep her lifted to the right height. But she was a lithe and fragile-looking girl, and she was easy enough to hold. His cock slid inside her slick entrance, and he let out a small moan. The water tumbled down around them, and he pulsed inside of her. Jayne buried his face in the curve of her neck, feeling her body clench around his.

She slid out of the shower first, a towel wrapped around her almost demurely. She smiled at him, innocently, pleased that he enjoyed being with her. She clutched her discarded clothing to her chest and stepped out of the bathroom to head to her room.

Jayne leaned against the tiles, and then after a moment shook himself out of his daze. This was no time to start being stupid. He soaped himself up and began to wash his hair. If he was going to make the announcement over dinner, he had better look sharp enough for his Ma to be happy. She would never let him live it down if he looked as rough as he had coming into her home. Then, he had an excuse. He had none now.

Jayne would just conveniently forget how he proposed to River. His mother didn't need to know all the details, and she would smack him silly for how he did it. He still couldn't believe he actually had proposed, and couldn't believe she had accepted. There were likely cousins that she could've gotten along with better, but she had chosen him instead. She had given all of herself to him, and it was something so scary he refused to think of it.

There was bound to be time enough for that later, too.

***

"Our bodies often die from what we put them through, but we will put them all back together," Ferdinand crooned. He traced a patch of skin with the edge of a wicked-looking hunting knife and reveled in the trembling that followed it. "Wounds don't scar unless you want the scar, almost like mementos of epic battles."

Algernon returned to the room with a tray full of shining silver tools. He grinned at his twin and placed the tray on the appropriate holder. "I see you haven't started without me."

"Of course not, brother dear. I would never deprive you of the pleasure."

The bound victim on the table made a soft mewling noise of fear. "Perhaps we should kill her first and take her to one of the Readers in our personal collection," Algernon suggested.

"Killing takes an intent to kill. It's more than just throwing your will at some poor trapped soul in our possession. It's about striking at their ability to remain cohesive." Ferdinand's blade traced across the bound girl's cheek. Her eyes widened even further in her fear, and she made an incoherent mewling sound. Ferdinand's smile was bloodcurdling, and even Algernon worried at the sight of it. That kind of smile was never a good thing to behold, and often presaged extreme difficulty. Ferdinand's eyes seemed distant and unfocused, which was very not like him. "We don't need the Readers."

"We depend on them," Algernon reminded his twin. "They are constantly relaying information to and from Father for us, and they are the resource for everything we need to know about virtually everything." His smile was rather deprecating. "It wouldn't do for them to tell Father that we believe ourselves above his wisdom."

A muscle in Ferdinand's jaw twitched. His eyes snapped back into focus, and the frightening smile slid from his face. He straightened up and fixed his brother with a stare. "Well, then. I see. It's time we began with our usual extraction methods. It wouldn't do to let a perfectly good informant go to waste."

Algernon nodded, secretly relieved. "Let's begin, then."

The bound girl soon enough began to scream.

***

Caro was tired. While regular school was over, the summer session had just begun. Mattie was off to teach his classes, and Caro was stuck with remedial first aid students and the woefully inept gym students needing care. It had been a rough first day, and she was glad to be home again. Mattie was chattering on about how pathetic one of his classes was, and how it contrasted so sharply with the one class he had that was full of overachievers. Caro had something of a headache, and didn't really respond. She certainly wasn't ready to deal with a squealing set of twins yammering about great news outside of her bedroom door.

"But _xue-xiao_ is easy this time of year," Viola cried, tugging on Caro's hand. Of course Viola would think school was easy; studies came easily to her.

"Look, I'm _tired,"_ Caro nearly snapped, shaking off the excited girl. "Whatever it is will wait until I've had a chance to relax first."

Disappointed, Viola retreated to her room. Victoria shot Caro a sour look, and took off after her twin. Caro almost felt sorry, but then retreated into the bathroom to run a bath. She wasn't usually so snappish, but it was her first sign of getting tired. It would be best to relax a bit, then apologize to the twins.

As a result, she missed seeing River sneak across the hall into Jayne's room

Jayne was startled by the sound of his door opening and closing. He smiled when River walked in. His girl certainly was a bold one. _His girl._ That was a term he had previously only applied to his weapons. He had never really used it to refer to a real live girl before. Yes, the Alliance referred to her as a weapon. But beneath Jayne's hands she was definitely all girl, soft in all the right places.

"What're you doin'?" Jayne asked, voice rough. "Did someone see you?"

"No one saw me," River said, shaking her head. She stepped forward, bare toes curling into the carpet. "We will be all alone and undisturbed for some time."

"Really? Your Readin' tell you that?"

River nodded. "The others are all occupied."

Jayne pulled her up against him, and her body molded tightly against his. "Girl, you ain't wearin' nothing under that dress." He had to laugh at her wicked grin. "I wonder what you had in mind, comin' in here like that."

"Show me something else," River said softly, pulling back slightly. Her dress slid off with ease, and puddled around her ankles. "I want to know everything."

"C'mere, then... I got lots to show ya."

River burrowed her face into the crook of his neck. She fit against him tightly, as though she had always been there. His hands fell to her lower back, and then he turned her slightly. River raised her face toward his, and Jayne kissed her fiercely. One hand fisted her hair, keeping her close and not allowing her to move. One of his hands moved down to her hip, then traced its way to the junction of her thighs. He drew soft, mewling cries out of her as his fingers moved inside her growing wetness. He made little swirling motions around her clit, slow agonizing circles. He had to admit, he liked the sounds she made when he turned her on. It was a sound he could definitely get used to.

He kissed her again, hungrily, as though he could devour her whole. She responded just as hungrily, her hands falling to rest over his buttocks. She squeezed slightly, pulling his hips toward hers. With a groan, he wrenched himself away. "My bed," he ground out.

She lay on the bed, reaching out for him. Jayne caught her about the hips and pulled her to the edge of it. River's legs dangled down over the edge, her feet planted firmly on the floor. "Is this something new to do?"

"Damn straight." Jayne pressed kisses to the insides of her thighs and edged them apart. He knelt between her legs, basking in the scent of her. He licked his way up to the tangle of curling damp hair, then licked the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. Her legs trembled, and River made some sort of squeaking sound. He swirled his tongue around her swollen clit, hearing her moan. He slid a finger inside of her wet heat. "Don'tcha like to play a little first?"

"Oh... oh, yes... play..."

Her legs moved restlessly, in time to her whimpers. She was wet, slick against his fingers, and he breathed in the scent of her. He loved the smell of sex, and he was growing to love the smell of _her_ sex the best.

Jayne licked the insides of her thighs and her soft wet folds. Her hips bucked as he slid a finger in and out of her heated core. He started slowly, with long and deliberate strokes. River gasped as Jayne began to move. "Oh. Oh, that feels good."

He grinned at her. "Good. And it's about to get a whole lot better."

River moaned as he bent his head back down between her thighs, his tongue touching her clit. Ah, this was what bodies were for. This was a reason for being, much better than being a tool for death and destruction.

Jayne pushed a finger inside of her, finding wet and more than ready. He moved his finger back and forth gently, then pulled it out to find her clit. He shifted position so that he could begin to lick his way up her body. Her skin was soft against his lips, and the scent of her filled him. He ran his tongue along the line where thigh met her torso, and licked his way up to her navel. His tongue dipped inside as his fingers curled up inside of her. River arched up off of the bed, the sheets fisted within her hands. She smothered her gasp as best as she could, and Jayne grinned wickedly against her sex. "Like that, huh?"

"Oh yes," she breathed.

Breath hot against her heated flesh, Jayne moved to lick at her clit again. Trailing his lips along her skin, he felt her twitch restlessly beneath his mouth. His tongue swirled around her clit in soft circles, then dipped down into her honeyed center. He could tell by her gasp of pleasure that she liked it. Then his lips closed around the nub, tugging gently. He could hear her breath come in gasps, could feel her hips begin to buck against his mouth. Jayne sucked harder, a finger still caught inside of her, stroking her. Her body began to clench around his finger, and he moved faster and deeper. She came with a strangled cry, but still he didn't stop moving. His tongue swirled around her sensitive clit relentlessly, and River was making soft mewling noises as she twisted beneath him.

He slowly licked his way back to her navel, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside of her. Her thighs shook as she came again, a fist over her mouth to mute her cries. He dropped kisses along the smooth plane of her stomach, then licked his way up her torso. He traced the curve of each breast, licking the smooth undersides. Jayne shifted position slightly so that he had better access to her bared breasts. He played with them, suckling and nibbling each breast. He gave them lavish attention, his tongue moving in slow circles over each nipple. His fingers moved in a slow rhythm against her clit, and he brought her to orgasm again.

"Oh... I can't..."

"Yes," he murmured over the hollow between her breasts. "You'll come more times than you can count, and I know that's high."

"J-Jayne..."

Jayne traced the curve of her neck with lips and tongue, fingers still working intently deeply inside of her. "I know. I got ya." He took her earlobe into his mouth, sucking it. River's breath caught as his breath hovered over the sensitive skin. "I got ya."

Feeling her body begin to tighten around his fingers again, he swiftly moved to seize her mouth with his. His fingers moved back and forth, gently, gently, teasingly. His fingers brushed over her clit slightly harder, and the pleasure sent shockwaves through her. She gasped, air leaving her as she tried not to scream.

River's body felt long and loose, as though she was disjointed and floppy. Jayne easily turned her onto her stomach, and shifted her so that she was lying lengthwise along the bed. Kneeling on the floor beside her, Jayne dropped kisses along the small of her back. He tilted her hips back and climbed up onto the bed behind her, still clothed. He reached beneath her and touched a peaked nipple with a fingertip, drawing a gasp of startled pleasure. Her cunt was pressed up against his thigh, and he could feel her wetness soak through to his skin. He knew she was close and desperate again, and his cock was straining against the front of his pants.

"Jayne," she whispered, turning her head to the side. The sheets were fisted tightly in her hands, and there was thin sheen of sweat over her skin. "I need you inside me, I need it now..."

Jayne couldn't get his clothes off fast enough, and then he was sliding inside of her, out of her, back inside. He couldn't get enough of her. He was breathing in the scent of her, trying to still be able to breathe. He needed her like he needed air, moving in and out, soft and sinuous, velvet and silk beneath his hands. It was so easy to make her come, to come inside of her, to explode until he thought he'd die. Jayne thrusted into her, hard and fast, and she was crying out in ecstasy. She whimpered beneath his pressure, pressing her face into the bed to muffle her cries. She was close again beneath his relentless touch. Over and over and over he thrust into her, and she moved against him, countering him, taking him deeper and deeper into her. His hands roamed over her hips, steadying her. He was thrusting into her, even through her orgasm, as she helplessly writhed and twisted beneath him.

There was nothing else but this, no past and present, no future and fear. There was only his cock buried deeply inside of her, stroking her, drawing out her wetness and making her come. There was only this feeling, his hands on her, his hands making her feel beautiful.

"Come for me again," Jayne murmured, close to coming himself. He thrust harder, and slid one hand around to touch her clitoris. She immediately came undone, coming with a hoarse cry. Jayne could almost hear his name in it. Her orgasm milked his cock, and he let himself go, spilling into her. He was gasping for air, head thrown back.

He'd never had it this good before.

Jayne collapsed down on top of River, and both of their breaths eventually slowed. "Did you know it would be like this?" he asked her, voice rough.

River tried to shake her head as best as she could. "I didn't even dare hope."

He kissed her shoulder blade softly. "I'm keeping you. They won't get you, and they can't ever come near you again."

River smiled, eyes sliding closed. "I like the sound of that."

"The rest of them will think it's just 'cause you need to get married."

River threaded her fingers through his and brought his hand to her mouth. She dropped a gentle kiss across the back of his hand in an oddly endearing move. "We know better, and we don't have to say everything."

"Well, we gotta tell them." Jayne kissed her shoulder again. "Tonight at dinner should be good. I think we need to get this done as quick as we can. The sooner you're a Cobb, the better. And it'll be harder for 'em to find you."

"If they want me enough, they'll find me," she whispered, a shiver running down her spine.

Jayne turned her onto her back and adjusted himself so that he could look her in the eye. "They ain't getting you back. Not now, not ever. I mean it."

River reached up and traced his lips gently with her fingertips. She smiled, and it sent a shock down to his groin. "We'll protect each other."

"Yeah. It'll work," he replied with a nod. River wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself of that or not, but accepted that he believed it.

She only wished that she could, too.

***

_The time is right to make new friends._

Simon read the fortune cookie that came with his lunch and laughed, showing it to Kaylee. "Look at that. I wonder who we'll meet."

Kaylee's eyes twinkled. "I wonder if Inara's friends count. We oughta meet 'em soon."

"I feel better," Simon said, nodding. "Not perfect, but I think all the growth stims had done as much as they could."

Kaylee smiled, leaning back in her chair. "All that high and fancy medicine. Out on the Rim, this never would've healed like that. It's what? A week now? Not a chance in my hometown."

Simon nodded, smiling. "I used to tell patients all the time about how well they'd heal within the month. I never thought I'd see it for myself." He shook his head uefully. "Good to know I was telling them the truth." He laughed along with Kaylee.

They didn't know someone had been watching them all through lunch. It wasn't until there was a shadow falling over their table that they looked up. Simon took in the dark clothing but thought it was another server. "We're all set already," he told the man.

Kaylee took in the dark clothing and lack of a pad in hand as a bad sign. Her face fell. "Simon..."

The man punched Simon in the face, knocking him back and out of his chair. He knocked over Simon's sword cane, sending it rolling beyond his reach. Blood spurted from his nose, and Simon couldn't breathe. Sharp kicks to his ribs resulted in blinding pain and difficulty moving. _Oh God, I think my ribs are broken,_ Simon thought, dazed. He was too stunned to comprehend what was happening.

Onlookers fell silent and still as the strange man grabbed Kaylee by the arm and pulled a syringe from his belt. He plunged it into her arm. Kaylee, shrieking, raked her nails across the assailant's face, who remained unfazed by it. He slung her over his shoulder as the world began to spin. It was easier to let her eyes fall closed, or else she would lose her lunch.

The man dropped a piece of plasfilm on top of Simon. "She is insurance," the man said, his voice oddly without inflection. There was no change in expression on his face. "You have a limited amount of time, Dr. Tam. I suggest you use it wisely."

Helpless, Simon could only watch as the stranger walked away with Kaylee.

***  
***


	32. Grim Tales

When General Julian Chang arrived on Osiris, the Capital City space port was busy. He easily noted the security surrounding the Firefly that Inara had told him about. They were in plain clothes and looking as though they were simply looking for transport or work. He spotted Inara's shuttle straightaway, and saw the casually placed mark just near the door. They had landed safely in the space port, at least. He would find out soon enough if they set up a safe house. Julian had every faith in Hector Izquierdo's abilities to secure a good enough location. His sons were also good men, searching for further help. Julian himself had contacted Hector, Thomas Mercado, Sarah Kelly and Steven Carroll. They were all from the same generation of soldier as Julian, all believing in the Articles of Alliance as they were written. However, they didn't approve of the subterfuge and death, he layers of deceit in the name of order. _Choices have to be made,_ Sarah had said, quiet as always. _I choose to defend honor, even if it means treason._

Julian had been proud of his friends. They all agreed with Sarah; all agreed that changes had to be made. He knew they would be circumspect in building their opposition. Julian's own ship, the _Bì Xuè,_ had once been scarred and decorated in battle, and he had proudly offered it to the cause. Freedom had often been bought with blood nobly spilt, so it was a fitting name.

Deftly avoiding the longest lines, Julian felt eyes on him as he walked through the station. His presence would be noted, but he had an excuse to give. His son was here on Osiris, after all, and he was merely visiting his son. The others would arrive covertly, as Hector already had, hiding their ships and resources until the very end.

Julian had looked into the Academy, and they were definitely going to need the firepower. Inara had intimated that her band of Independents might be resistant to Alliance help, however liberal and idealistic they were. But anyone fighting this fight had to realize help would be necessary. It was an uphill battle at best, and a slaughter at worst. He had no way of knowing which this might be, though his guess would lean more toward a slaughter. The Academy had the best-trained military elites, the Black Ops shadow warriors and the underground Operatives that did not officially exist. They were all well trained and had no fear of death. If anything, death was merely another adventure to begin.

He hoped that Inara's Independents were as skilled as she believed them to be. If anyone was lacking in skill, their cause was doomed.

***

Kara sat at the dinner table next to River. She kept silent as Horace tried to show off how well he had done at the garage, and how much he had helped Charles. Apparently he and Mike were now fast friends, and Horace was hoping to be a mechanic. Charles had bandages around three of his fingers, and kept silent throughout the conversation.

In the first lull, Jayne cleared this throat. "I got an announcement." All eyes turned to him, and Jayne nearly lost his nerve. But he saw River's lips part and her tongue dart out to moisten them. His gut clenched at the sight, remembering all the other things those lips could do. "I've asked River to marry me," he said quickly, eyes locked to River's. "She said yes."

The table erupted into a cacophony of sound and congratulations. Even the family ghosts were laughing and congratulating them.

Vera looked at Jayne proudly. "That's wonderful! The two of you can stay right here! We can whip up a good wedding in a few days."

River's eyes widened in alarm, and Jayne could almost feel her fear hit him in the gut. "Ma, I don't think we can stay long. River's tagged, Ma. If they need to do a formal contract..."

Vera rolled her eyes. "Our Shepherd don't go by those ways. Ain't no way to get a tag read out by these parts, Jayne."

"But if the papers get sent to Voltaire to be filed..."

"We don't got none of those fancy gadgets here. It's just two names and two witnesses and the ceremony in front of God. That's it. And we can have another party right here just as quick." She shrugged, looking at Kara for a moment. "I'm sure we can get something nice off the ground real quick, right?"

Kara blinked in surprise for a moment. "Me?"

"Us too!" the twins chirped, nearly in unison. They looked almost frightfully eager, and Kara wanted to sink into her chair. "If not here, we can always use Hunter staff," Victoria added, looking around the table. "They're just sitting there doing nothing at the house. Why not get them to help out, too?"

River let the voices wash over her. She sat in her chair, hands folded politely in her lap. Her concerns were not completely answered, and she could tell by Jayne's brooding face that he was still concerned as well.

_Things are going to get very bad very quickly,_ River thought, feeling her heart clench inside of her chest. _Please don't let it happen now..._

***

Angela lay limp on the floor. She couldn't move, and it hurt to think. She could barely even breathe without pain flooding through her. They were thorough, though. She had to give them that. The nameless Hands of Blue would have merely used their wands, and it was such a gross and inelegant means of torture in comparison. It was sad that she knew the difference; that it didn't matter anymore what happened. It wasn't really even a lack of hope, but _knowing_ that nothing made a difference. She was locked away in the bowels of the Academy, and only the faces of her torturers changed.

Angela licked her cracked lips, tasting the coppery tang of dried blood. She wondered if they were going to bother to feed her this time, given that the last session had ended with her vomiting all of the soup across the floor. They hadn't liked that, and had backhanded her for it. She had been lucky that she hadn't choked on any of it.

_Aspiration pneumonia,_ Angela thought dimly. "That'll hurt," she whispered, her voice sounding broken and cracked. Her lower lip actually cracked with the effort, the scab there breaking open. She licked at the blood, moistening her dry tongue.

_They're going to break you,_ she thought to herself. _It's only a matter of time until they break you. You're lucky you're even still sane._

"Well, that's a matter of debate," she whispered in reply. Her lip hurt with the motion, but she couldn't help it. Otherwise, it was too silent.

She could remember the sound of the serrated blade against bone. She could remember the dull thump of her foot hitting the ground and the crack of bones breaking. The healing salves would knit it back together, and they were leaving her alone long enough for them to set. There was no fun in breaking an already broken toy, after all.

_You don't need a spleen to live,_ Angela thought, trying to roll herself over onto her other side. She thought that was what one of them said. _You're going to rupture her spleen, brother dear!_ one had admonished the other. All she had known was pain, so it was impossible to tell if she still had all of her organs in place or not.

Ear against the stone floor, Angela heard a vibration. It sounded almost like footsteps, as though they were coming from down the hall. It was just one pair, not two.

_Two by two, hands of blue, burst in two, through with you..._ she thought crazily, landing on her back. Spikes of pain lanced through her; the needle marks must not have healed completely yet. They had made sure to rub in the salve as hard as they could, digging into her skin. Angela wondered if she should have been grateful that they hadn't raped her. There had been whispered thoughts drifting through the halls before those twins had arrived, and minds had shut down completely after those torture sessions.

_Tell us what we want to know, little girl. Tell us everything, and Father will be pleased. You don't want Father to be angry with you,_ his mind whispered. But underneath those thoughts lurked a seething rage toward Father. They wanted free of his shackles, the elder more than the younger. _We're the ones to be afraid of, Father's Fists. Tell us, tell us everything. You don't want the fist to come down over your lovely face._

They had shattered her nose anyway, of course. They liked their excuses and their illusions of importance. They didn't want to admit how little power they actually had.

_Little girl, tell us what we want to know..._

They enjoyed their job too much. The whispers beneath the other minds knew this, feared them, stayed out of their way. Father knew of the whispers. He knew everything about them, everything they liked to do to each other and to the girls of the Academy. They knew about Muriel going missing, eyes torn out and her liver picked apart. _Haruspicy,_ Angela thought. _Father didn't like that; oh no, he didn't. They were punished severely for that one, since Muriel was a gifted one. She was the best of our class...._ Angela had been a close second.

The sound of footsteps solidified. _Boom... boom... boom..._

Angela's eyes slid shut. _Wenshén,_ she heard his mind hiss. _You'll tell me what I want to know, and you'll tell me now._

Things would have been so much easier if she weren't sane.

_Ah, but that's the trick of it, isn't it? It would be_ niúbi _if somehow I magically went insane. Then I wouldn't have to guard against their words..._

The steps grew louder, then stopped. There was the click of keys being pressed, and a door slid open. It was another girl's room, down the hall. Muffled whimpers reached Angela's ears, and the screaming soon began. So it wasn't her turn this time; it was some other poor broken girl. The screams ended abruptly, a hollow cracking sound filling the hallway.

The footsteps began again. Angela clenched her jaws shut and tried to slide her mind anywhere but where she was.

An abyss opened up before her. _He won't hurt her properly. He won't do the job right, and that new Mrs. Tam will still survive this._ The thoughts roiled and seethed, a boiling mass of hatred barely contained within the twin's slim frame. He thought of his brother's pale skin, lined with old scars from past abuses. _He belongs to me. I own him, I manage him. He is mine to control and mine to destroy._

More footsteps sounded, more digital keys pressed. More angry, swirling thoughts. Angela was overwhelmed by it all, sinking in depths of his rage.

Suddenly, the door to her cell opened up. "You're not healed enough yet," came the sneering voice. "But you'll do."

Angela was drowning in the dark abyss, unable to claw her way past the thoughts of death and blood and hatred. She dimly felt him lift her from the floor, but she was disconnected from her own body. He didn't like her unresponsiveness, and growled as he slammed her down on the examining table. Angela didn't even grunt with pain. There was really only so much she could react to when she already felt nearly comatose.

Tendrils of darkness snaked around her vision. She could see the twin's angry face, the mouth that was carved into his face. His hand circled around her throat, and his other hand closed over her bare thigh. "Tell me," he growled. "Tell me where they are. Tell me where they've hidden her. Tell me where she is."

_River,_ Angela realized suddenly. _They're still looking for River. It's been over a year, and she's still missing!_

The hands tightened, pain blossomed, and her vision began to gray. He didn't have his cutting tools; his brother always cared for those. He never liked sexually abusing the girls, and this particular visit was no different. There were only hard edges on the torture menu today, fists and shouting voices, no calm and collected slicing.

_He's angry. They haven't found River, and their latest acquisition hasn't any idea..._

Pain lanced through her head, making it difficult to think in coherent sentences. The twin above her was so angry he was nearly spitting.

Angela reached out with her mind and found Father. Startled, it felt as though his mind was blasted wide open. He wasn't used to his experiments being turned around against him, and Angela suddenly knew _everything._

And then Ferdinand's fist came crashing down over her face. The darkness descended abruptly.

***

When the call from Capital City General Hospital came in, Regan had been sipping tea and keeping her mind clear of stray thoughts. She had been doing fairly well in the past few days, and Gabriel had even remarked on how clear her speech had been. Gabriel was thinking about beginning half days at the office, and things had almost returned to their state of normalcy in the household. One of the servants had come running in a panic with the wave receiver, and the news made Regan drop her cup. It shattered, and the servant flinched. The cup had been one of the heirloom porcelain teacups that had been handed down in the Tam family from before the exodus from Earth-That-Was. She was expecting to be reprimanded, but Regan had gone deathly pale and silent.

"Mrs. Tam?" the doctor asked politely, an edge of concern in his face. "Is this a bad time?"

"I need to visit my son, doctor," Regan murmured. Her mouth suddenly felt dry, her tongue like sandpaper. She blinked back the sheen of tears that threatened to fall. _They were not supposed to ever harm my son!_

"Of course," the emergency room doctor replied with a nod. "He's in X-ray right now, but he should be patched up in no time and ready to go home."

_Ribs broken,_ Regan thought dimly. _Nose broken, fiancee taken..._ "Thank you," she said to the doctor, ending the wave. She turned to the quaking servant, her diffuse gaze finally sharpening. "I need time alone. Tell Gabriel what's happened. We'll need to go to the hospital right away."

"The teacup..."

_"Bèn dàn!"_ Regan hissed, whirling to face the servant. "It's a fucking _teacup!_ My son is in the hospital again! Get out!"

Regan could feel her pent up fury swirling loose and free. She had been _promised,_ but the promises made obviously didn't mean as much to anyone else. She punched in the personal code for Father, one that would activate any wave machine near him. It didn't matter what he was doing; Regan could truly care less about the poor girl bound and sprawled forward on a table, a ball gag in her mouth. It didn't matter how much Father sputtered as he was caught slamming into her from behind, still clothed and hair unmussed. She hissed in her filthiest Mandarin, and watched the color utterly drain from his face.

"If you can break your promises, I can break mine!" Regan snapped, eyes flashing fire. "I know what you tried to teach Anne, and I know what you tried to teach River and those other girls. I know everything they know how to do. I've _always_ known. Don't think it's _ever_ been killed."

"Regan, darling...."

Regan cut the connection and threw the wave machine against the wall. It shattered, showering broken metal pieces on the floor. They mingled with the shattered porcelain, and she stalked out of the room. Others were running, concern on their faces. Mal and Zoe had guns in hand, a fact that Regan found oddly comforting. Gabriel was deathly pale, and everyone knew that Inara was rounding up her new friends.

"It's time to leave."

"But..." Mal began.

_"Now,"_ Regan hissed, her tone brooking no argument. Mal's mouth snapped shut and Zoe merely nodded. Gabriel's mouth dropped open.

"Regan...." Gabriel began, confused. "What–?"

"We must leave _now."_ Regan's voice was sharp, her eyes snapping with barely contained fury. Her fists were tight at her sides; she could feel her nails breaking the skin. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. She had already made the bargain. She had gotten the confirmation. She only had one child as far as the Alliance was concerned, and that one child had been promised protection. He and his should have been left clear.

"They broke the covenant again," she said tersely. She led the way to the family conveyance, the others falling into step behind her.

"But they said..." Gabriel began.

"They did," Regan snapped. "But Simon is in the hospital with broken ribs and a broken nose, and one of their agents kidnapped Kaylee."

Mal and Zoe stopped then. "What?" Mal cried. He reached out and grabbed Regan's arm. "They took our little Kaylee?"

"She's in their custody. We're going to have to get her back."

"How do you propose to do that?" Zoe asked.

"Step up the timetable," Regan murmured. She let Gabriel drive; her nerves were much too raw at the moment to drive. "It's time to stop hiding."

***

Timothy had been locked away in the dark for so long that he no longer remembered the last name he had been born with. He remembered fighting to retain his first name, rather than the serial number he had been given. He had been five, and he had fought the attendants tooth and nail to retain some semblance of self. He remembered his name was Timothy, and he remembered he had been five. He remembered that his parents loved him, and he remembered that he had been gifted with numbers. He had loved numbers, and they sat up and danced for him. Number games had been the best games, and the school he was going to go to would teach him how to make those numbers really fly.

Only it hadn't, really. The Academy had started with classes. Math, physics, chemistry and a smidge of history for flavor had been his daily routine for a year or two. Days were fuzzy, and it was hard to remember those things.

He remembered that his name was Timothy. He had been five. He had been loved. He had been gifted with numbers.

He had failed the physical training and the indoctrination. _There are flaws in every system,_ the director had said. Timothy remembered the feel of the director's hand on top of his head, the pressing weight contained in that hand. He remembered how the numbers had started to blur, and in fear he had run. They had caught him quickly; a seven year old couldn't cover much ground on a strange planet in a strange complex so far underground that he forgot how it felt to have the sun on his face. They were faceless men in black suits and blue gloves. They hardly spoke, and when they did it was without inflection. They had purpose but no soul. Even as a child he could feel it; he knew how it felt to be loved.

His name was Timothy. He had been five. He had been loved. He had been gifted with numbers.

They took his feet first, strapping him down to the table. They were in the lowest level of the Academy, the farthest from the sun. He had screamed and fought, and the straps had dug into his wrists and what was left of his ankles. He had heard voices in his mind for the first time then, little girls in the levels above him. Some male voices reached him, too. _Stay strong,_ they told him. _You're not alone._ It was hardest to believe that when they took his legs to the knees and his arms to the elbow.

He had been in a different training program, but they supported him in his misery. His track hadn't involved developing mental powers, so he couldn't really answer back. But he could feel his thanks and gratitude reach them anyway.

It was easy to lose track of time in the dark. The voices changed in pitch and timbre, but the support did not. Lying on the stretcher, it was easy to believe that the Academy had forgotten all about him. But they had visited a few times, until they realized that the sores were stage four. Just trying to move him the last time had introduced infection. After that, he had only sterile contact if any, and communication was mostly through microphones. The room was almost like a sensory deprivation tank. The dark and quiet helped him to think. He could see shades of black on black on black, and he could hear the air molecules moving against his eardrum. The isolation room had been to calm him, to try and beat down his spirit so that it was easier to mold him.

His name was Timothy. He had been five. He had been loved. He had been gifted with numbers.

They listened when he spoke. They listened when the numbers poured from his lips, when the dry and cracked skin parted to let loose something. His mind was filled with numbers, his nutrition was through intravenous lines. _Parenteral,_ a child's voice corrected him. He nearly laughed; as if it really mattered anymore anyway. He had no sense of time, no sense of self other than his feeble memories. He was all but forgotten in the bowels of the Academy, the occasional stream of free flowing thought the only reason he was kept.

He dreamed in binary and hexadecimal numbers. He knew pi to a thousand decimal places. He could see through the endless streams of data he was fed and find the source code. The microphones listened for any whisper, any interpretation. He had predicted the stock crash on Londinium five months before it happened. He had predicted the security breach and failure of containment seven months prior, though he had only thought to mention it about three weeks before it happened.

He had no loyalty to them upstairs. They only cared enough that he survived to crunch the numbers and think in digital ones and zeroes. His thoughts whirled with patterns they could not understand, and there was still the ghost of memories that kept him tied to this world. He had every reason in the 'verse to die, and no true reason to remain clinging to a life that couldn't be called a life.

His name was Timothy. He had been five. He had been loved. He was gifted with numbers.

_They're looking for the missing ones,_ the whispers told him. _They want to get back the lost ones, and they don't know where to look._

"There are places to look and places to be," Timothy whispered in a broken voice. It was the first thing he had said in months. He could hear the click of machines and transmitters above him or behind him, somewhere within the walls. Maybe there would soon be voices asking him for further clarification. Maybe someone was listening. Maybe he was tired of being alone with his thoughts crawling beneath his skin.

Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

His name was Timothy. He _knew_ he had been loved and cherished and adored. He had been five years old when the promises were made and broken, and all for his gift with numbers. It was all he had left.

***

There were still active passcodes within the system. Hector Izquierdo could have used them if he wished to, and could have tracked down what the others had been doing since the war. But it hadn't seemed worth it at the time, and now he wondered what they were all in for. Thomas Mercado had once been Army, Sarah Kelly had been Navy and Steven Carroll had been so deeply entrenched in Intelligence that they hadn't seen him since his recruitment. Thomas had aged well, of course. He had an unlined face that was as smooth as ever, and his gray hair was still close cropped. Retirement had done nothing to undermine the strict posture and discipline he had developed in the army, and it was a comfort to Hector. Sarah had let her hair grow long, and she had left the gray streaks in her brown hair. She was still a tiny little thing, deceptively fragile and still with a sweet smile that only hid the menace that lay beneath. Something bad had happened to her during the war, something that she had never shared with their little group. But it was never something that made her lose her edge, so it had been let go. Steven was an asshole. He always was, and he always would be. It was comforting to know that some things never changed, and Steven would always be a complete ass.

Thomas had left his ship in one of the moon docks and stowed away in a freighter transport. He had anonymously slipped into the crowds at the space port, and made his way into the heart of the city. From there, he had easily tracked Inara during her frequent walks and shrine visits. She took roundabout trails, and seemed aware of him following her. His trained eye saw no tension, so he assumed that Julian had told Inara about him. Eventually, he caught up with her in a park. She smiled sweetly at him and shook his hand. A slip of paper was pressed into his palm, and he grinned in response. "A pleasure, my dear," Thomas had said. Inara had nodded, and he had wandered away at the tacit dismissal. Ultimately, he found his way to the safe house and had greeted Hector warmly. They had always been fairly close, and their battalions had always seemed to be located near each other.

Sarah had dressed herself as a pilgrim and had met Inara at the local shrine. Sarah had bowed deeply in front of Inara and asked if she could serve her as the trial of faith. Nonplused, Inara had accepted and let Sarah follow her about. That solved Hector's dilemma about being trapped within the safe apartment to keep its integrity intact.

Steven had simply shown up that morning and knocked on the door. It was very Stevenlike, and not too surprising. He had followed Thomas in, and nearly sneered at how easy it had been. He didn't seem to understand the purpose of the apartment. It wasn't a place to hide in, it was a place to speak freely.

With everyone in the apartment, Hector began to feel the rush of war begin again. He could feel his senses sharpening and his heart begin to pound with every unfamiliar sound. He didn't know why he had retired after the war. He was the type to die with a gun in his hand; he had never felt right with idleness.

A coded message arrived on their secure channel. Hector typed in the access code to the terminal, and he saw the worried face of Regan Tam. He didn't ask how she knew the channel yet, as Inara had warned him that Regan was a Teller.

"We're coming," Regan said tersely. There was a sea of strained faces behind her. "The new war is about to begin."

Hector signed off the terminal with a smile.

He was ready.

***  
***


	33. The Games They Play

Despite the urgency of the request, the Shepherd wouldn't agree to a special wedding license in order to marry River and Jayne. He stated that they were usually falsified, and as a result he couldn't trust the document. Some Shepherds required the proper biotags to correspond to a special license, and this Shepherd was one of them. At those words, River demurred and let him begin to organize the banns for church. Vera was nearly cheering, since it gave her more time to "do it all up proper." Jayne had threaded his fingers through River's for comfort. "If need be, we can hightail it early and go to some back end preacher for it."

"This must be legal," River replied, shaking her head. "If they find me, they cannot be able to break the legal binding between us."

Unsatisfied, Jayne left the church with the rest of his family. The Shepherd had suggested some _go se_ premarital counseling and planning services. Hunh. Like a Shepherd would know how to make River come six different times in ten minutes. Jayne didn't need some more help in that arena, no thank you.

Once they returned to the house, Vera bustled about in the kitchen whistling a cheerful tune. The twins and Caro were at the table, Caro's wedding notes and magazines spread out. Kara had disappeared into the fields. Horace and Charles were still at the garage, and had missed the entire church meeting. River had pretended she was tired and had gone upstairs. She locked herself into her bedroom to avoid all of the chatter. It was bad enough she could still feel their thoughts press against her skull. She curled up on top of the blankets and closed her eyes. It was hard to drown out the sounds, and she knew Jayne was in the backyard doing more errands for Vera and cursing all the while. Most of the family ghosts were down in the kitchen, listening in on the planning and making comments of their own.

_They will find me,_ River thought. _They will find me before the wedding, and it won't mean anything anymore._

She hadn't been the one to calculate the odds at the Academy. They had honed her Reading ability and taught her how to fight. She would have been the one behind enemy lines. She would have been the assassin. Any formal announcement of the wedding would only let them know just where their assassin was.

They would have to run. The others didn't realize that. She would have to run, and maybe Jayne would actually come with her. But his anonymity would be gone as well. Instead of an assassin and her genius doctor brother on the run, it would be the assassin and her gunslinger fiancé. In either case, she would be wanted and they would find her sooner or later. The Alliance was used to getting what it wanted, and she was wanted pretty badly.

She would have to escape, and soon.

She had two days before the first reading of the banns at church. That was two days to legally change her name or begin to run.

***

Annabelle smiled at the twins standing on her doorstep. "My darlings. It's been ages."

Ferdinand smiled, a thin stretching of lips. "My dear cousin. We missed you."

"You certainly did not," Annabelle replied, her voice superficially charming but with a menacing undercurrent. It was a tone Ferdinand used often himself. Algernon merely smiled at his cousin warmly, genuinely pleased to see her.

Ferdinand stepped past her. Algernon bent down and kissed the back of her hand. "My dear, you look absolutely marvelous. The treatments are going well, I see."

Annabelle nodded and led Algernon into the hallway. "It's certainly been an age, my darlings. And you still haven't said why you're here."

Ferdinand gave her his most charming smile and grasped the back of one of the armchairs in the sitting room. His grip left his knuckles stark white. "I have a package for you to care for."

"Do you now? This must be an interesting package." Annabelle smiled widely and sat down in a straight-backed chair opposite the one Ferdinand was holding. "And how is it that this particular package is leaving your possession still alive?"

"What makes you say that?" Ferdinand asked tersely. He didn't appreciate her knowing smile, even if he did desperately need her help.

"You didn't ask me to dispose of the body as you usually do."

Ferdinand pushed himself away from the chair. "She is most delicate, and it is imperative that she lives. She is a bargaining piece, no more than a pawn."

"I think not. Pawns may be sacrificed easily. I do believe she is likely a bishop."

"A rook, perhaps?" Algernon asked, sliding into a chair near his cousin.

Ferdinand's lips thinned in anger. He was tired of the game, and desperately wanted to be out of the house. "In any case, I leave her to your capable care. Father would be very pleased if she is cared for _correctly."_ Ferdinand didn't even look at his cousin. His eyes were locked to Algernon's face, which was turned toward Annabelle.

"I see," Annabelle replied solemnly. She nodded sharply. "In that case, I'll have Algernon bring her in. You can assure Uncle that all will be well."

Ferdinand let out the breath he hadn't wanted to admit he was holding. "Very well. Continue your practice, and perhaps you can rejoin security staff at the Academy."

Annabelle didn't bat an eyelash at the slight. "I'd rather be teaching staff."

He strode out of the room rather than reply, and the front door slammed shut soon after. "I do believe his temper's gotten shorter," Annabelle mused, looking at Algernon. "I can't imagine why he would leave you behind this way."

Algernon stood up abruptly. "I'd better get the girl..."

Annabelle put a hand on Algernon's arm and he halted. She stood up and looked him in the eye. "How long has he been like this?"

"Three days," Algernon said, voice soft and hushed. He didn't like to admit that things have gotten so far out of control so quickly. "This assignment has been the worst one yet."

"Well, if the Operative and the Level Two's couldn't find her..."

"I know!" Algernon spat. "But it's worse. He's raided the Third Class to force visions, he's locked them into our holding areas and he's tortured them nearly to death. He hasn't returned them after a session either. I think he killed 3-001."

Annabelle pressed her lips into a thin line of displeasure. "And this girl?"

"The future Mrs. Tam."

_"Qù tamade!"_

Algernon shook his head sadly. "It was all I could do to convince him to let me take her. If he had done it, the heir would be dead."

"So she's not with child yet?"

"No, not yet. Not for all their trying," Algernon added wryly. "I thought he was going to fly into a frenzy listening to them."

"But it gave him a tool," Annabelle said, voice soft. Her tone was questioning, and she fell silent rather than ask what she wanted to know. Algernon couldn't meet her eyes, and she nodded softly. That in and of itself told her everything she needed to know about the future Mrs. Tam and Ferdinand's reaction to her. "After that incident..."

"He passed the evaluations," Algernon warned.

"Those are easy to fake," Annabelle replied, eyes narrowing into slits. "You know that as well as anyone. You know what he's like."

Algernon couldn't meet her eyes. "It's Father. He's been... difficult."

"I know. Uncle came to visit the other day. He was asking about my return."

Algernon's startled eyes swung back toward his cousin. "Would you? After what he... what we... what... that?"

"Say it," Annabelle challenged, crossing her arms under her breasts. Her eyes bored into Algernon's frightened ones. "Can you even say it?"

He walked toward the vestibule instead. He tried to sound cheerful, as if the history between them hadn't turned virulent and painful. "I'll set everything up. I know you've kept your skills sharp and you can manipulate even the deepest of dreams..."

"You didn't answer me."

"Goddammit, Annabelle!" Algernon shouted, turning to face his cousin. His hands were balled into fists and every fiber of his body was stretched taut. She had never seen him look this way before, had never heard him swear before. "I don't know how to say I'm sorry! I don't know how to make it better! I couldn't stop it then, and I can't stop him now! I _can't!_ You don't know what it's like. I _can't."_

Annabelle's arms dropped from her chest and she strode forward. Algernon's body still thrummed with tension, and she cupped his chin gently in her hands. "That's all I needed, Algie," she said, voice soft. "I needed to know that you weren't him."

"I'm not," Algernon whispered, his body loosening. Annabelle gathered him up into her arms. She could feel how close he was to snapping. "I should be, and I'm supposed to be. But I'm not, I'm not. I can't be."

"It's okay," Annabelle said, voice gentle. If Algernon could remember his mother, he might have guessed that Annabelle sounded similar. "It's going to be all right."

They kissed, mouths open and tongues meeting. Algernon melted into her embrace, arms wound tight around her. "You have to help me," he whispered, eyes searching her face after their kiss broke. "I can't do it alone."

"You don't have to." Annabelle stroked his face gently. "You never had to."

"I could never say no," Algernon said. "He's all I had."

"You had me," Annabelle reminded him. "That's what he was afraid of."

"He didn't want to come here," Algernon said, voice breaking. "I had to convince him. I had to tell him that Father wouldn't want her broken. The covenant's been broken, and Father doesn't even know about it."

Annabelle's breath hissed inward. "How could he have _possibly_ thought he could get away with that? That Regan wouldn't know? She's sharper than anyone has ever let on. She's going to know. She probably knew the moment you took the girl."

"You have to help," Algernon pleaded. "She can't be killed, and he looked like he was going to strangle her with his bare hands. That girl, 3-001... I never saw him attack anyone like that before, never. He was _enraged._ No skill at all, no grace."

"I still have all my skills in practice," Annabelle replied, straightening up. Her voice resumed its brisk tone, one that Algernon remembered from her time within the Security ranks at the Academy years ago. "I have all my tricks."

Algernon smiled suddenly. "I did particularly like the hands through the mirror."

"And the shifting shadows," they said in unison, twin grins on their faces. "I remember," Annabelle said, smiling. "It was my favorite, too."

"She can't be marked."

"That was never my style."

"No, I don't suppose it ever was." Algernon turned and looked at the slumped form in the vestibule, status lights from the cortical suppressors blinking red and green. "She's best in your care, Anna."

Annabelle dropped a kiss to Algernon's forehead. "Go. Follow him. I'll take care of her. I'll keep her trapped in nightmares and dreams of escape. She'll be safe with me."

_"Thank you,"_ he whispered. Then he fled the apartment.

Annabelle knelt on the floor in front of the sleeping girl. She felt the strong, steady pulse, and took in the rounded cheeks and curling brown hair. "Well, now. You must be Miss Kaywinnet Lee Frye, the future Mrs. Tam. I've heard much about you." Annabelle brushed back the hair, her fingers sliding over the cortical suppressors. "I never thought that I would actually meet you, though. You were never supposed to wander my way." Annabelle smiled softly, feeling Kaylee's soft skin. "I wonder how you dream." Her hand moved down, and her fingertips traced Kaylee's full lips. "We're going to play, you and I. I have to admit, I'm not always quite so cruel as my cousins. You are indeed the lucky one."

Annabelle picked up Kaylee and carried her easily into the back bedroom. She had work to do.

Kaylee dreamed.

***

"Umbram fugat veritas," River whispered, sitting next to her bedroom window. The ghosts were still all downstairs. There were no shadows to flee truth, just truth to flee shadows. _Verum fugat umbra._

Jayne wanted to protect her, he really did. But with everyone else so oblivious to the obvious, she didn't know how he would do it.

River blinked suddenly. He had disappeared from the fields, and was likely back inside the house or on his way back. She had somehow mused away all of the time. That wasn't like her at all. That had been her mother's role when she was a child. A glass of unnamed tonic in hand, her mother would move between rooms like a ghost. River and Simon had often fended for themselves, and she didn't know what it would have been like to have had a mother like Vera. It was cloying and suffocating at first. She didn't know how to deal with the closeness, the layers of memory pressing in on her skin. She didn't know how to deal with _touching,_ or the hugs and smiles and warmth around her. River had grown up with propriety and austerity, and it took some adjusting to deal with it all.

_The dragon has nine sons, each different from the others,_ River thought, pushing away from the window. She was different from her brother, they were different from other families and their children. No one person was the same as any other. Even twins were different, even clones had slight dissimilarities.

There was a gentle knock on her door, and it opened as River turned toward it, rising from her chair. It was Jayne, dirt still ground into his hands. "Hey. You're not planning?"

"I'm worrying."

"Yeah." Jayne shut the door behind him and scratched the back of his neck, uncertain. "I think I got a plan."

"A good one?"

"Could be, I think." Jayne smiled at her. "You know, other than church, we never did visit with my old friends. Didja know one of us made it to judge?"

River's eyes widened. "He can do us a favor, then."

"There's the hope." Jayne stepped further into the room. "You doin' okay?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, I got the mail," Jayne said suddenly, awkwardly. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small brown paper package that obviously contained a pill bottle inside. "So now you've got your meds in pills an' stuff. I expect Doc Wade put instructions on 'em."

"Medications usually come with directions from the pharmacy," River replied, taking the package. She placed it carefully on the bedside table. "You could still come in every morning to help give me my medicine," she said, a smile on her face.

Jayne laughed softly and sat down on the bed on a whim. "Look, I dunno how this whole thing will work out. But we'll be all right, _dong ma?_ I won't let them do nothing."

"I know," River said gently. She reached out, her fingertips ghosting over the stubble on his cheeks. "You will do your very best."

"Yeah. I gotta look out for you." River's fingers moved down to his jaw and neck, and traced the line of his throat. Her hands moved down to his chest. "Uh... You think they'll not notice?"

"They're planning festivities and are thus occupied." River looked at Jayne and smiled at him in a way that made his cock twitch. "I am an enterprising young girl, after all."

"Whatever you just said," Jayne replied, nodding. He watched as River sank to her knees and unfastened his belt. "Now wait just a–"

"I like to experiment," River said softly, pulling his belt free. "Lift your hips." Surprised, Jayne did so. She dragged his jeans and boxers down to his ankles. "I think you will like how I will experiment with you today."

"Huh," Jayne murmured thoughtfully, blinking. This couldn't be right, could it?

One hand traced the lines of his stomach, then the junction of his thighs. River's hand closed around his burgeoning cock in a gentle fist. _"Xin gan?"_ she murmured, testing the endearment on her tongue. Jayne brought a hand down to the back of her head, tracing the curve of her skull. "Is that acceptable?"

"Yeah. Sweetheart. Sounds good." His voice was rough, and River could feel the tension rise within him. He was trying not to rush her, trying to keep from scaring her.

Silly man. She knew everything he wanted to do to her, everything he ever dreamed of trying with a woman. Assuming they lived through the forthcoming disaster, she was willing to try each and every dirty deed.

With her jaws stretched wide, River tried to take as much of Jayne's cock into her mouth as she could. She ran her tongue along the length of his cock, tasting the precome. She felt the ridges beneath the edge of the head, the slit at its very tip. At each touch, she could hear Jayne make an incoherent moan. She moved slowly, up and down over him. Her hand cradled his balls, kneading lightly. The tip of his cock slid along her tongue toward the back of her throat, then into her cheeks, then in the hollow beneath her tongue. Jayne was groaning, his hand tightening in her hair. He was careful not to pull on her hair and not to jerk his hips too much.

When the sensation grew too much for him, River abruptly pulled her head back. Jayne made a noise in protest, but River pressed her lips to his thigh to silence him. She made small kisses along the edge of his thigh, then the junction between thigh and torso. She kissed her way to his belly button, her hands caressing the insides of his thighs. She moved back down, kissing her way back to his cock as her hand moved oh so slowly. Then agonizingly slowly, she bypassed his erection and moved even lower. She kissed his balls, taking them into her mouth and sucking on them gently, just the lightest bit of traction.

_"Aiya,_ girl, you're gonna kill me," Jayne moaned.

River moved slowly, laving his balls with her tongue. She moved back slightly, and nuzzled the area. "No death for you, not from me." She moved slightly so that she could lick the length of his cock. "I've decided to keep you."

He laughed, but it was cut short when River took him into her mouth again. Her tongue swirled around the head of his cock, then she sucked on him deeply. His eyes rolled back into his head at the sensation of it, the ridges of her hard palate rubbing against the head of his cock. Her head bobbed down and he could feel everything she was trying. It was almost as if she was trying to swallow him whole, to take him deeply inside of her. When River pulled back again, just on the brink of his orgasm, he wanted to howl in agony.

"You are my rock in this tangle of thoughts." River smiled against his stomach, her hand caressing the underside of his thighs. "Let me show you."

He moved his hands from her shoulders, dragging them down across her front. He cupped one breast in his palm. Jayne dragged his thumb over the nipple, feeling her mouth fall open against his skin. Her hand moved across to his groin, and it tightened around his cock. "Yeah, I like that," Jayne moaned.

River suddenly stood, pushing him onto his back. He fell backward, limbs splayed. She grinned at him, clambering up on top of him. She shed her clothing quickly, while he was still stunned. "I like playing with my Jayne."

"You do?" he asked dumbly. He had no idea what was happening.

River was making little mewling noises, her hands at the back of Jayne's neck. His hand slid down her back and rested at the slight curve above her buttocks. River touched his straining erection with one hand and laid her other one on his chest. "You have taught me much," she murmured, sliding her body into place. "Let me show you."

"Oh. _Oh."_ Jayne moaned dumbly. River slid down the length of his cock, her cunt wet and hot. She was tight around him, and she leaned forward. Her hands were on either side of his head, her hair falling down and around her face. He reached up to touch her cheeks, and she turned her head to kiss his palm.

River began rocking slowly. Their eyes locked as she did so, and Jayne dropped his hand to her breast. He rolled his thumb across the nipple, feeling it peak. He pinched it lightly, and she gasped for breath. Her head lolled back as his other hand sought out her sensitive clit. As she rocked above him, he stroked her with every thrust. A whimper escaped her lips, and she shuddered her way through an orgasm. Jayne grit his teeth and tried to think of something unsexy to keep from coming. His mind flashed to Reavers, to the sight of River standing over a pile of bloody bodies with blades in hand. No, that only brought him closer. Slamming his head on a bulkhead certainly was unsexy, and that helped. River was grinning at him, nearly laughing. Jayne thrust up into her wet depths, a wicked grin on his face. She gasped as pleasure shot through her, and she began rocking against him again. She panted with every thrust, with every touch he made. She leaned back slightly, reaching behind her to caress his balls. She threw her head back, eyes closed, feeling him inside of her. The angle changed, and he could feel every millimeter of her tight wet sheath around him. The pressure within her built up as she approached another orgasm, he couldn't hold back any longer. Jayne came, and he heard himself groaning between clenched teeth, desperately trying to prevent himself from alerting the entire household.

River fell forward over Jayne, and he could smell the scent of her. He touched her back gently, caressing the skin.

"I like playing with my Jayne," she whispered, dropping a kiss to the skin in front of his ear. "I like all the ways he thinks to play with me."

_Ta ma de,_ she was going to be the death of him.

***

Mal took an instant dislike to Hector Izquierdo. The man stood too straight, spoke too evasively and seemed entirely too ready to go to war _Career military,_ Mal told himself. That sort of man never sat well with retirement, so Mal couldn't be too surprised about that. There was something that set Mal's teeth on edge at first, something he couldn't put his finger on.

Then he heard Hector's voice. He recognized it instantly.

As Inara made her introductions, Mal inwardly seethed. Inara couldn't know, Mal decided. He wasn't so enraged that he thought Inara would do something like that. She wouldn't taunt him so, and she wouldn't deliberately cause Mal pain. He knew that now. The two of them might never work out whatever it was between them, but she would never willingly inflict pain upon him, just as he would never willingly inflict pain upon her.

He didn't shake the General's hand. Under Inara's disapproving gaze, Mal shoved his hands into his pockets instead. "I guess we finally meet, now."

"Oh?" Hector asked, eyebrow raised. He had a half smile on his face, the kind of expression one had when humoring a madman.

"Yeah. The Battle of Serenity Valley ring a few bells?"

Hector's face went carefully blank. "No."

Mal threw a punch that landed right on Hector's cheek. The older man fell to the ground, and Inara gave a cry of dismay. "Liar."

"Mal!" she hissed, dropping down to Hector's side. He was entranced with her jade earrings, the way they swayed and dangled from her ears. She shouldn't have been there, she shouldn't have been involved. "How could you?"

"He ain't no fair-minded man," Mal replied easily, stepping back from Hector. "He ain't above no kind of tactics that will kill his enemy. Ain't that right, General?" Mal was imitating the voice of Akira Gonzalez, and he knew Zoe's eyes were fixed on his back.

Hector's eyes widened. "Was that you?"

Mal gave the older man a kick to the ribs, ignoring the guns drawn around the room. It didn't matter if the other Generals had their pistols aimed at his head, or that Zoe had two guns aimed at two of the others. "You destroyed my company, and you left us there to die. Give me one reason why I should trust you."

He smiled at Mal, shrugging. "Why should I?"

"Then I walk."

"And you have nothing to fight with."

"Is that what you told Akira?" Mal said, body thrumming with tension. He could see Inara stand, no longer as attentive to Hector. She would probably be looking to him with pleading eyes, hoping that he wouldn't be so bull-headed as to go it alone. But of course he was that kind of man, and he would never stand for the kind of games Hector liked to play.

"I had no need for empty promises," Hector said, shrugging. He pushed himself to a sitting position easily. "He gladly helped me."

Mal looked to Inara's stricken face. She hadn't known, hadn't meant for any of this to happen. He knew that, and didn't blame her. He hoped his eyes would tell his story, and that she would understand how sorry he was that it had come to this. "Seems like it just won't work out," he told her. He shrugged negligently, as if his fate hadn't just been sealed. "I do appreciate the effort you put in, though."

"Mal, don't..."

"Sorry. This won't do."

The sound of a key in the lock cut off her reply. Everyone stood very, very still.

Julian Chang entered the room. He closed the door behind him, locking it as he pocketed his key to the apartment. "Well now, this isn't what I had expected," he said. He did seem bewildered, and his eyes found each person's in turn. "Would someone like to tell me what happened here? I would think guns should not be pointed at our comrades."

"Well, now," Mal began, hand coming to rest on his pistol. "I guess we all reckoned wrong on this one. We can't be comrades in this."

"I don't understand. We were collecting others..."

"That one deals dirty. I don't work with that kind," Mal said simply, using his head to point toward Hector. The older man was standing now. His arms were crossed, and he made no move to confirm or deny the accusation Mal had hurled his way. "Thanks for the help, but I guess we'll just have to do without."

"Mal!" Inara hissed. "Don't do this!"

He whirled around to face her. "I _can't."_

"Mr. Reynolds," Julian said, using his best General's voice. "Perhaps we can negotiate."

Now, all eyes rested on Julian. "What are you talking about?" Mal ground out.

"We will go to another room and discuss in private your concerns. We will negotiate a path to working as comrades."

"That's impossible now."

Julian only smiled genuinely at Mal. For his part, Mal had an instinctive liking for the old man, who definitely seemed like the honest type. "I like making the impossible possible. It was something of a specialty of mine throughout my career." He made a sweeping gesture toward the bedroom. "After you."

"Zoe, guard Inara."

Zoe rolled her eyes and stood still. "Of course."

Mal went into the bedroom first and turned as Julian shut the door. He noted that the older man didn't have a weapon. At least, the man didn't have a weapon visible. He was sure that he was an expert in combat and had multiple weapons Mal couldn't see. "So, convince me."

Julian sat down in the armchair to the side of the bed. He gestured to the bed itself. "Sit, Mr. Reynolds, so that we may speak in comfort. I am an old man, and it would not be best for me to remain standing during negotiations."

Understanding the formalities, Mal sat. "We haven't been introduced."

"I am Retired General Julian Chang of the Alliance Army." Julian smiled easily at Mal. "I enjoyed my work very much, and I upheld the Articles of Alliance with every fiber of my being. I hold my position with honor and respect, and I expect the same of those I deal with."

"Your man out there ain't the same kind."

"Tell me what it is that troubles you."

"He made a Lieutenant of mine turn traitor during the Battle of Serenity Valley," Mal stated baldly. He watched Julian blink in surprise, but didn't feel any kind of vindication.

"This is troubling," Julian murmured. "We knew of no traitor informant."

_"Shénme?_ I _heard_ the whole damn exchange."

"I knew that Hector had received a transmission from someone claiming to live near the valley. It was an inhabited land prior to the war, and the story made sense. He called himself Gonzalez, and never told us his first name. He had given us positions that he had witnessed from his farm." Julian paused when he saw Mal's thunderous face. "This is not the truth."

_"Júe duì bú shì,"_ Mal spat. "He was a lieutenant in my platoon, not some farmer."

Julian steepled his fingers. "It seems we are at an impasse, then. For I trust Hector with my life, and entrusted Miss Serra's safety to him. He gathered supplies and helped to fortify this place so that we may speak in safety and privacy. He had never given me pause to think he was unworthy of the trust I placed in him."

"And I don't trust him worth a lick."

"I am truly sorry you feel this way, Mr. Reynolds."

"Not gonna convince me he's a good man?" Mal asked, surprised. "Why not?"

"You are a man of conviction," Julian replied. He shrugged. "It will not do to have me argue for his honesty. You will either believe in him or not, and nothing I do or say will convince you otherwise. It is not my place, in any event. I had hoped we could discuss our separate knowledges and plan strategy during our first meeting. I am very sorry all of this had come to pass."

Mal knew why Julian had made it to General, and smiled ruefully at the older man. "You could have been an Admiral."

"I did not wish to leave my men alone on the battlefield," he replied with a smile. "I turned down the position several times."

The silence fell thick upon the both of them. "I trust _you,"_ Mal said finally, breaking the tense silence.

"Thank you," Julian replied, nodding at him. "I feel you are a trustworthy sort as well."

"Him, I don't."

"He will likely remain here," Julian said quietly. "I would not ask Miss Serra or the Tams to remain with us to fight. I would ask Hector to protect their safety and this place with his life. I know he will do so."

"So long's as I don't got to work with him..." Mal warned.

Julian extended his hand, and Mal shook it. "Then we have our terms. Shall we discuss what we know of this Academy?"

"You know something?" Mal asked, surprised.

Julian's smile was self-deprecating. "The walls whisper, Mr. Reynolds. You simply have to know how to listen to them."

It was definitely going to be an interesting partnership.

***  
***


	34. This Could Just Disappear

Kara walked past River's room on the way to find the twins when she saw that the door was open. River was sitting on her bed, a threadbare towel in front of her. She was very carefully splitting pills and depositing the broken pills into a large pill box. River looked up once, smiled at Kara, and continued to carefully split the pills into two pieces.

"What're you doing?"

"My medication arrived. Doctor Baltimore was nice enough to order a pill size larger than what I needed so that it would be cheaper in the long run. I split the pills across the scored line..." River split another pill and deposited it into the pill box. "And now I have double the supply."

"So what do you need those for?"

River allowed Kara to sit down next to her, and watched as the other girl picked up the original brown pill box. "They keep my thoughts more organized."

"I never heard of this."

"It's an antipsychotic from Earth-That-Was. It keeps my thoughts clear. It's also been used for impulsivity and behavior control."

"You get _psychotic?"_ Kara asked, eyes wide. She dropped the bottle as if stung.

"Not quite. But with this, it's easier to separate my thoughts from the thoughts of others, and to choose which ghost I wish to speak to." River looked up with a half smile. "It can get very confusing and very crowded in my mind otherwise."

Kara blinked. "Ghosts?"

"Why, certainly. They persist in the places of comfort, in the patterns of places, in the people they are familiar with." River returned to splitting pills.

After a moment, Kara seized one pill and took a look at it carefully. "These don't look like much, ya know. They don't look like they'd mess with your head."

"Many things appear innocuous but can be quite dangerous."

Kara shook her head. "What?"

"It doesn't look like much, Kara. But it can do many things."

Kara snapped the pill in half and added it to River's pile. "So now what?"

"About?"

Kara pointed to wall with her head. "The others are planning some fancy shindig."

"We won't be playing along," River murmured, splitting another pill.

"What?"

"Players are moving into place, so the logistics are shifting. This is no longer a safe place, especially if there are to be formal banns posted planetwide. It places us all into danger, but no one remembered that."

"That doesn't sound good."

_"Fú wú chóng zhì, huò bú dān xíng."_

"I know I heard that one. My mother used to know those."

"Fortune seldom repeats; troubles never occur alone," River murmured. "My mother knew the proverbs as well. But yours was of Indian descent. How did she learn?"

Kara blinked. "How'd you know?"

"Your eyes. Your hair. Your skin tone. They all suggest something other than Caucasoid influence, and it seems as though there is some Asiatic flair."

"So you can look at somebody and just know."

"Yes."

"And you can shoot, and you can fight, and you know them physics. You can talk to ghosts, and you can hear everybody's thoughts. That about cover it?"

River smiled and split the last pill. "Almost."

"Then why are you here?"

"I was to hide. I was to find new kin. But I fear that we may have endangered them all."

There was a knock on the door, cutting off Kara's reply. Jayne was standing in the doorway, dressed in clothes meant to get dirty and not show it. He looked impatient, tapping his foot on the floor. He didn't even look at Kara. "Ready yet?"

"I just finished with my medications," River said, sweeping them all into the appropriate bottles.

"Grab your bag, let's go."

Kara stood up along with River. "Where ya goin'?" she asked, eyes sweeping from one to the other. The feeling of tension in the other two people had gone up over the past day. _I fear we may have endangered them all._

"Out. Don't wait up," Jayne said tersely, eyes never leaving River. She was packing the pill boxes into a backpack that looked fairly small. Kara knew from past experience just how much could be packed into those little bags, and knew that they had to be leaving for at least three days.

"I'm going with you."

"No," Jayne replied, finally looking over at Kara. "You stay here."

"We'll need her," River said softly, cutting off Kara's reply. "And we'll need to come back afterward. It would be cruel not to."

Jayne clenched his jaw. "We'll lose time..."

"Not as much as you fear."

"C'mon. Seth can't wait so long."

River followed Jayne. After a moment's hesitancy, Kara followed as well.

***

_Seems like you never told me..._

Kaylee shot up in bed. She was in a dark, unfamiliar room. She kicked off the blanket and looked around. Her eyes were already dark adjusted, and she could make out a bed, dresser, mirror and night stand. There was a door across from her. There were no wall hangings or any kind of personalization in the room. She walked toward the door, and wasn't surprised to find that it was locked. She walked back toward the bed, and passed by the mirror. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something white pass by. Kaylee stopped and turned toward the mirror, but there was nothing there other than her own reflection. She peered closer, amazed to see that she was really unharmed. It didn't look like there were bumps or bruises anywhere.

And then hands reached out of the mirror and clasped her throat.

Screaming, Kaylee backed away from the mirror. She grabbed at the hands, trying to peel the fingers away from her throat. _Five seconds of air, and then you hit the floor,_ her father had once said. _So make sure you don't got no one attacking you that way. But if they do, get those fingers off your neck fast._

Kaylee fell to the floor gasping for breath. She looked up at the mirror. Its surface was clean and unmarred. There was no sign of hands anywhere.

She pushed herself to her feet, and tried to avoid looking at the mirror. She turned back toward the door. That would be her goal. There had to be something in here that she could use to take off the hinges and push the door open.

There was a ghostly shimmer in front of the door. It looked vaguely human shaped, and soon looked as though it was reaching out for her. A shadow deepened where the mouth would have been if it were human.

_"Kaylee, come with me... Kaylee..."_

She backed away from the door, her back against the mirror. Too late, she realized that the smooth glass behind her was no longer smooth, but bubbling and boiling.

Hands reached around her waist and pulled her through the mirror.

***

Inara was doing cross-stitching. It was something she had done in the training house to keep her hands busy, and it was something that helped to calm her nerves. Stitching kept her focused on something other than what she was worrying about. She hadn't done as much on _Serenity_ since she didn't have the materials all the time. The last walk she had taken had included a stop at the local crafts shop. She had taken her time to choose fabrics and threads she liked to do stitching and embroidery with. She was fairly sure that Regan would know those crafts, and that Gabriel could take care of his own amusements.

She had assumed Mal would find problems with _someone,_ but she honestly liked Hector, and hadn't thought Mal would have had problems with him. Of all the people she had met so far, Inara had thought that Mal would've started a fight with Julian. He was fairly straightlaced and could come across as overly authoritarian. Few people on a first meeting could sense the warmth in him, but apparently Mal was one of those.

Inara watched Hector over her stitching. Thomas and Sarah were talking with Zoe, though Inara couldn't tell what topic they were talking about. They were all so still and serene, but could easily appear so when talking about death. Regan had opted to nap, and Gabriel was discussing finances with Steven. Everyone was trying to avoid the topic of Kaylee's abduction.

Suddenly Regan shot up from her position on the couch, grasping at her throat and trying to scream in terror. After a moment, Inara could tell what she was trying to say through her gasps for air. "Kaylee, come with me... Kaylee..."

Inara was by her side in that moment. She reached out to touch the other woman's face, and Regan caught her wrist in a viselike grip. Inara could see a drop of blood well up from her fingertip, and it took a moment to realize she had pricked her finger when throwing down her needlework. She looked at Regan, eyes wide. "Regan?"

"They are using the Specialists. The soulless ones..." Inara watched helplessly as Regan fell backward onto the couch, eyes glassy. "She is at least with the kinder one...." She turned her face away from Inara. "They broke the Covenant..."

"We'll get her back, Regan," Inara said. She sounded more confident than she felt.

Regan turned back to Inara. "You won't find her, not if she doesn't want her found. You don't understand how they think. He's taken her, but she has no allegiance to him."

"Who? Who are you talking about?"

"There are five Specialists." Everyone was listening intently, but Inara had all of her attention focused on Regan. "The twins and their cousins. The twins must be watched out for, because they are cruel. The cousins can be reasoned with, but the twins cannot."

"I don't understand...."

"They developed a taste for death..."

Regan's nails dug into Inara's wrist, and she could feel that she was starting to lose feeling in the tips of her fingers. "But who are they?"

Regan pushed Inara away, and the Companion fell to the floor. Sprawled, she looked up at the older woman, whose eyes seemed to crackle. "The twins style themselves as siblings, as ones to be feared. But they don't know the true meaning of fear. _Not yet."_

Mal opened the bedroom door, and Julian followed closely behind. They took in the scene in front of them silently.

"Gotta love how you make friends, Inara," Mal said blithely. He smiled to lessen the sting, and walked over to help her to her feet.

"Are things better now?"

"Somewhat," Mal replied with a shrug. "We've been working on most of the details, but I think we got 'em down okay."

Julian had gone to Regan in the meantime. "Mrs. Tam. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance at last. I was hoping we could speak."

"Everyone here has lost someone to the war," Regan murmured, her eyes locking to his. "More will be lost, faith will be tested, lives will end."

"This is the way of war," Julian replied, nodding. "We understand and accept all things. Will you help us in our endeavor?"

Regan took his hand and walked over to the rest of the occupants in the room. "They have no souls and no mercy. We must have none."

"Simon will want to help," Gabriel reminded her solemnly.

"I know," Regan whispered. "This hospital is cutting edge. They will bring him back to his prior condition, but he is not fit for war."

"You'd be surprised, I think," Mal said, coming to sit down at the table. Sarah was to his left, and Inara soon enough sat to his right. He was diagonally across from Hector, who he didn't even look at. "He's come a long way in the year I've known him."

"He's a good man," Regan said desperately. "He deserved better than to be born to me."

Gabriel grasped her hand and squeezed it tightly. "He will overcome this, you'll see."

"We're all here to help," Inara said, gesturing for the others to sit. "Now is the time to plan. I have the sketches that were previously made. If we can start with those?"

Everyone got to work.

***

Seth was grinning from ear to ear. "I never thought I'd see this day."

"Oh, shut it," Jayne groused, climbing up into the mule. He helped River and Kara into the mule after him. He looked back at the house for a moment, then looked back at River. "Anything else you wanted to bring with us?"

"The twins are planning with your mother. They are comfortable and safe from harm where they are. We will see them on our return."

"Right, then. Let's go."

"You know, there's always the proper judges."

"No time," Jayne said, shaking his head. He could feel River's accusing eyes on him, but didn't turn to look at her. "They'll want to check papers and they'll prob'ly take blood for a biotag. We can't do that."

"What's to say this one won't?"

"He won't look too hard if we got a substitute, now would he?" Jayne said, turning around to look at Kara. "I guess it's good you came along, then."

"What?"

"You would be the blood donor," River murmured. "Just a fingerstick. I can pretend to fear needles, and you will pretend to get the sample from me. But you would really stick your own finger, and then my biotag will never show up. We can always correct the paperwork later if something happens to it."

Kara narrowed her eyes at River. "You planned this."

"No. But since you are here, you can help if it comes to that."

Jayne looked over at Kara. "If you're opposed to helpin', at least don't tell nobody what we're doing tonight."

"I'll help," Kara said, chin jutting out. "Don't you worry on me. I'm no snitch."

Jayne nodded at her. "Good. We'll be there soon."

"Where are we going?" Kara asked, leaning next to River.

River smiled. "I'm getting married. A former classmate is a judge, and will overlook the prerequisites needed for the formal arrangements."

"So you'd be protected earlier."

"Exactly."

Kara looked thoughtful as she leaned back in the mule. "Huh."

"It will go well," River told her, reassuringly. "It will be fine. They will take care of us."

Kara looked out at the passing landscape and kept silent.

***

_What don't you tell me? There's only things I want to hear, and I know it isn't true. This could all disappear. The figures in the hallways might not be true. I might be able to move. It seems like I could go. I could leave. What aren't you telling me?_

There were sounds down the hallway. Angela thought that maybe, just maybe, it might be someone other than those twins. The footsteps didn't sound the same, and she didn't feel the same kind of darkness emanating from the hallway. Perhaps the almighty Father would deign to descend into the deeper levels of the Academy? The stars of the Third Class were missing, and even he was bound to notice that sooner or later.

Angela reached out with her mind and felt the wavering thoughts from down the hall. _I can't stop it can't stop the fear I need to find something I can believe in..._

No, that didn't sound like Father. She didn't know that voice.

_they take a holiday and let us pick up the slack behind them but we can't they're the ones that do it all they weakened the Five and we can't do what they do..._

Angela delved a little deeper. The voice didn't seem to be looking for her. The voice didn't seem to be looking for anyone in particular, really.

There was the flash of a bright smile. The twins were standing beside a girl their own age, with dark hair and dark eyes. She was as tall and lithe as they were, and resembled them a little. She had the same stylized black outfit that they did, but her jacket was fitted to conform to her feminine curves. The collars and wrists all had red trim, and there was no insignia on the front of the jacket. Her boots shone with military precision.

Two other girls were next to them, but the sensation was that the memory Angela was seeing came from one of the other girls. They were not closely related to the other three, but the two girls were also related. _Cousins,_ Angela realized suddenly. They were all cousins, but the two other girls were younger.

"You'll be up to their level next year," a voice said behind the girls. They turned, and Angela recognized a younger version of Father. He smiled at them, shadows lurking behind his eyes. The two girls didn't seem to recognize it. "Have you been doing well at training?"

"Of course, Uncle," one girl said. "Pyrokinetics is easy. I have trouble with clairvoyance."

Father nodded sagely. "It can be very difficult, my dear. But that's what you can focus on in the next year."

_we crossed the line what has he done Uncle will know time is running out for us all and then it will all be over..._

The footsteps picked up speed due to rising panic. The owner of the thoughts visited every cell in the block, throwing open every door. Angela could hear the hollow clang of the metal doors hitting the walls. There was the sound of the girl sharply breathing in; that must have been the dead girl's room. There was a long pause in the sounds, and then there were a few hesitant steps into that room. The body was likely being examined, and then there were quick steps back out into the hallway. She then slammed that door shut.

_gotten worse so much worse nobody knew about that how did he pass the psych re-eval to get back into the program he can't have gotten through fairly he can't possibly have been cured if this is what he's doing now..._

Angela could hear the sound of frantic footsteps down the hall, doors thrown wide open in desperation. The girl made choking sounds, and Angela could hear her thoughts as plain as day now. _half a world away and doesn't seem to care doesn't know what's happening and how can he not know what's happened he must know he knows everything Uncle would never have let this go on like this if he knew he couldn't possibly know about this but how could he not know that he's done this..._

Finally, her door was opened. Light streamed into the dark room, and Angela could feel the rush of air over her face. She took in a deep breath and lifted her face toward the light, her eyes closing. The dank air was fresher than what she'd had to breathe in the past two days, and she could almost feel the light hitting her face.

The girl lifted Angela easily. She tried not to wince at the pain, but the girl caught it anyway. She had been looking for it, truth be told.

"We'll fix you," the girl said.

Angela caught a brief flash of their names. Katrina Justine and Sabrina Heather. They were perfectly ordinary names for extraordinary girls. She almost wanted to laugh. It seemed almost silly now. Nothing really mattered anymore.

She didn't feel anything anymore.

***

Billy Gray had grinned at Jayne and Seth and had given them both that clasping handshake that longtime friends gave each other. Jayne explained his story with as little detail as possible. "I'm honored, Jayne," Billy said, shaking his head. "Of course I'll marry you both."

Bypassing official channels, Billy opened his book of civil law and smiled at the fragile couple. He began to read the vows, and was pleased to see Jayne and River clasping hands and sneaking looks at each other. He watched Seth and Kara sign as witnesses, and then backdated the document's prerequisites.

"All done. I now pronounce you man and wife."

Blushing slightly, River turned to Jayne. She leaned forward and he pulled her closer. Bodies pressed tightly together, they kissed. After a while, Kara hooted and Seth clapped. They parted, and saw that Billy was laughing uproariously.

"Jayne, you always were surprising everybody. You take care of your wife, now. And River, you take care of your husband. He has a way of getting into trouble."

"Hey!"

Everyone laughed. Billy shook their hands enthusiastically. "It's an honor, Jayne. To be honest, I never thought you'd come back to this ball of rock or ever get married. And here I get two near-miracles." Billy shook his head. "You know, things come in threes. I wonder what the next near-miracle is going to be."

_There will be excitement here,_ River wanted to say. _There will be horror, danger and terror. People will start to come alive again, and they will have to fight for their homes and their lives. They will learn what true freedom means._

But she remained silent and merely smiled at the judge. "Thank you for your help in this, Judge Gray." She let him clasp her hands warmly, and let the memories slide past her mind. She didn't hang onto any of them, though the impressions they left remained. "You're a good man, no matter what the others say about you."

He laughed uproariously. "I like you. I think you're good for Jayne. You take care of him. He sometimes thinks he's invincible, but he's not."

River laughed along with him. "I know."

There were goodbyes and thank yous, and then they piled back into Seth's mule.

River could feel a warmth spreading within her chest. She looked at Jayne with a gentle smile and saw him returning her smile.

This would work. It would get difficult, but she _knew_ it could work.

***  
***


	35. Worthy Of Your Soul

_every face as cold as ice nothing but pain they said they would take care of me and it hasn't happened yet and everything hurts like fire and torment and flame and I'm damaged and scared and alone and they just stare with their eyes and it's like they're carved from ice and their hands are so cold I forget to dream in color and I know that in black and white and misery I am better off alone...._

"She'll live," Sabrina said after a moment, standing. She pushed her dark hair behind her ears and looked at her sister with golden eyes. "She's the only one?"

"The only one," Katrina confirmed.

"Uncle will be very angry."

Katrina looked away. "The top ten percent of Class Three has been decimated."

"Even one Class One isn't worth that kind of loss," Sabrina said sharply. "They _know_ that, but still they've done this..."

"You know who it really was..."

"Even so. Algernon didn't speak up. He aided and abetted. He knows better. He knows the rules better than _we_ do, and even we know that much."

"He's gotten out of control," Katrina murmured. "Someone needs to tell Uncle."

"Somehow I doubt he even cares anymore," Sabrina replied wryly. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms under her breasts. "He stopped checking up on Anna as soon as he could, and he certainly didn't ever check on us once we passed. He's not _that_ busy. He can spend the five minutes to see how we're doing."

"We're supposed to be self-sufficient. That's why we're Specialist class."

"Kat, we haven't been used in that function for nearly a year."

_"Rén suàn bù rú tian suàn,"_ Katrina murmured, looking down at her hands mournfully.

"Heaven has nothing to do with this. It's all Uncle and Ferdinand. They should have written her off as lost. All of the other Class Ones were failures, he shouldn't have held out hope that she would have been the one success. Killing Reavers wasn't the point of the project, Kat. Of course their plans are inferior. They've deviated from the point of the Project, and they're not even working toward it. I don't think they have much longer. Their own hubris will blind them to their downfall." Sabrina abruptly stood up. "We're going to have to choose a side."

"You think they're coming for us?"

"Nobody knows we exist except for Uncle. And he won't hesitate if we provide the shield that allows him to live."

Katrina looked over at the broken girl on the table. "Do you think she knows?"

"I think we need our statistician," Sabrina murmured. "We'll feed him the data and see what happens. I don't want to make a hasty decision."

Katrina blinked. "He's still alive?"

"It's a perpetual system. As long as the containment isn't broken, he will be preserved. We'll need to go to the control room. I don't know if there are suits left."

"If the Academy is going to be breached..."

"We don't _know,_ not until she's able to wake and tell us," Sabrina said, pointing to the girl on the table. "She's the last of the Class Threes, at least the ones with any kind of predictive abilities. The rest never scored high enough."

"She won't wake," Katrina murmured, looking over at the girl. "If maybe we went into her mind to see what she saw..."

"That always was your weakest subject," Sabrina murmured, a wry twist to her lips. "Are you sure you want to try it?"

"I think it's worth a try. You go to Timothy. I'll stay here with Angela."

Sabrina gave Katrina a quick kiss to the forehead. "Take care. Don't lose yourself to her pain. I still need you here with me."

"I won't get lost. My only worry is that I won't get in."

Sabrina looked over at Angela's torn body. "Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem. I don't think she has any defenses left."

_"Wàn niàn jù huī,"_ Katrina murmured. "But even in the ashes, there may be something that we can use. It's worth a try. I didn't score _that_ badly," she added wryly. She smiled as her sister rolled her eyes and walked out of the door. Katrina stood up and went to the table where Angela was laid out. The girl's eyes were closed, but Katrina knew that her mind had to be spinning with pain and information. "I feel you," she began, sitting down next to the girl. "I can hear you, and I can feel you. I will think your thoughts and feel your pain. For a time, we will be as one, and I will know everything that you know."

Katrina closed her eyes, took a breath, and then dove right in.

***

River crawled into Jayne's bed and curled around him. He put an arm around her, but otherwise didn't move from his position. He was staring at the ceiling, his breaths deep and even. "She don't like it, but she understands."

"She doesn't have to stop the planning," River murmured.

"It don't seem to make much sense," Jayne replied, shaking his head. "Seems like all that fuss for lots of nothing."

"It pleases her, Jayne. She wishes to celebrate in our happiness." River shifted her position so that she was poised on all fours, her face hovering just above Jayne's. "I would not wish to be cruel to her. She is very kind, and she wishes us well."

"But if we're off world...."

"We can return once this business is finished. Then we can have the pretty event she dreams of, and it would be safe to do so."

Jayne reached up and touched her face. "And if we can't? Don't you think that's crueler?"

"Silence is more hurtful. The sharp edges cut more deeply, and you bleed more freely."

"I just don't... Look. There's the chance we don't come back."

"I know. I believe that we will. I believe we will survive this."

"I ain't never been the type to want her to plan for something that won't happen."

"I don't know what more to ask for. She has given me unconditional accord. I would not wish to hurt her in any way." She sighed, dropping her head so that her forehead touched his. "I am a storm, some strange wondrous thing that does nothing but destroy what I cannot touch. I am still dangerous, secrets within my skin."

"Stop with that _go se,"_ Jayne ordered fiercely. "You'll be fine."

"Some will follow us, you know."

Jayne furrowed his brow. "What? Why?"

"Because they would help us. Because they believe in us."

"I can't ask them to come with us."

"We wouldn't have to. They will follow, they will assist, and they will fight alongside us."

"I don't like that," he growled. He grasped her hips, fingers pressing tightly into her skin. "I don't wanna have to worry 'bout nobody else. You can fight. I know _you_ can. But if the twins or Kara or any other cousins... I'd worry 'bout them. They don't know how."

"I've been training them. I have been relentless, but not as vicious as the trainers I had at the Academy where I have been trained. I would not hurt them that way."

Jayne sighed. "Even so..."

"This is not a worry for now. This is not for you to worry about later. Whatever happens will happen regardless of what we do."

"I don't like the sound of that."

River lowered her body so that it covered his. "You don't have to."

"Are you trying to distract me?"

She grinned mischeviously at him. "Is it working?"

He laughed out loud. "Maybe. Give it a good try."

His hand slid down her front, resting on a breast. Her hand moved down to touch his face and neck, them moved down to touch his chest. She straddled his waist and slipped her hands beneath the waistband of his boxers. He obliged her by lifting his hips and letting her drag them below his knees. River positioned herself, and then slid down over his cock. She was tight around him, almost too tight. Leaning forward, River kissed Jayne's forehead. He suckled her breast, his teeth nipping playfully at her nipple. His tongue traveled from one breast to the other, one hand moving up to the breast he left behind. Her hand tightened convulsively, sheets clenched in her fists in response to his teeth grazing past her skin. She rocked slowly at first, then slowly picked up speed as it began to feel exquisitely beautiful. River pushed herself up and leaned back, gasping. She shut her eyes, and could hear Jayne panting beneath her.

"I can't..." he panted.

"Oh, just like that," River moaned as Jayne lifted his hips to meet her downward thrust. "I'm almost... almost..."

"I can't," he repeated desperately. His hands had fallen to her hips again, and he held her tight. He pulled her down further with each thrust, deepening them. She was tightening around him even further as she approached her climax.

And then she came, feeling like a sunburst had exploded inside of her. Tightening further, Jayne bit back a groan as he followed her into orgasm.

River fell on top of him, her limbs soft and loose. He arranged her carefully on top of him, cradling her. _"Wo ai ni,"_ he whispered once he thought she was asleep. He didn't dare admit it when she was awake. Some words were too powerful and dangerous, and he wasn't comfortable with them.

She wasn't that far into sleep, and smiled against his chest. The sentiment carried her into sleep.

***

Viola was sitting in the den, hands hovering over the piano keys. She couldn't sleep, and Victoria snoring away didn't help. She used to play when she had been living at the Hunter house, but that one was large enough and empty enough or her to do that. Here, it was too small and too full to play like she needed to. She needed to play loudly, fingers banging on the keys with all the force she couldn't express in words.

Why was it that no one else could see that something was very wrong? River didn't want to participate in any kind of planning, and she had pushed the teens even harder than before in their training. Earlier today she had skipped out on it entirely. The twins couldn't find Kara, and had gone through practice on their own. Victoria had thought it was a case of nerves, but she hadn't wanted to really talk about it. Viola didn't think Victoria was actually that dense. She thought that perhaps it was _Victoria's_ nerves that were shaky.

Something was happening, they could feel it.

Viola got up and headed toward the kitchen. She pushed her way through the screen door and looked out at the clear night. She had gotten dressed, knowing that she wouldn't be able to play the piano. She pulled the sweater sleeves down to her fingertips and looked out over the night sky. Somewhere up there was River's brother and parents. Somewhere up there were those people looking to kidnap River. Somewhere up there were the ones planning on cutting further into her brain, experimenting on her or something to that effect. She hadn't been meant to really live a life of her own.

_We need to give her that chance,_ she thought to herself. _She can't disappear back into that place. She'll stop being herself._

Viola broke out into a run, sprinting into the cornfields behind the house. She moved swiftly between the rows, head down slightly. She could see through the fringe of blonde hair that had escaped her ponytail, and she soon could see the split rail fence that marked the edge of Cobb property. Picking up a bit more speed, Viola launched herself at the fence. Her hands caught the top of it, and she was able to flip herself over the top rail.

She promptly fell onto her back in the neighbor's yard.

"Omph!" Viola gasped for breath, eyes squeezed shut. It took a moment for things to register, and then she began to laugh. The movement jarred the back of her head, and then she winced. "Ow, that _hurt."_ She slowly rolled to her side and then pushed herself up to a sitting position. The world swam for a bit, but then everything solidified. She turned back toward the fence, and noted that she had managed to flip herself ten feet from it.

She began to laugh, her head tipped back and facing the night sky. She had never been the athletic one, and had never been the one people relied on for physical feats. But she _could_ do it, if she tried hard enough. She _could._

Something bad was coming, but Viola was starting to feel as though she could keep up with it, whatever it was.

***

Simon concentrated on breathing. It was easy to do, it was rhythmic, it was often the focal point to meditation. It was something he could use to keep himself from going insane.

He had hidden the plasfilm from the emergency team that had worked on him, and he was lying in another hospital bed. These beds were the same ones he had once visited his surgical patients in, sent orders from, and delivered news to. Now, he was on the other side of the stethoscope again.

He hated it.

He was trapped in the hospital room, knowing that his world was only continuing to crash down around him. The knowledge was bitter, and realizing that his family legacy had fallen upon Kaylee was too much, too late. _I have no more to give to you,_ he thought, thinking of Kaylee. _I can't help you where I am... Just hang on..._

He didn't know where River was exactly, and he didn't know how to contact her. This had been a deliberate move, but now it was coming around to haunt him. Everyone assumed that he knew where she was. He had always known before, and he had always been so protective. Simon had always taken his duties as an older brother so seriously. It was his job to take care of his sister, and it was his job to be sure that she was protected properly. He had given up his hold only out of absolute necessity, because at the time he hadn't been convinced he would even survive. If Simon had his way, he would be back to his usual self and River would be by his side. They would still be on Serenity, and no one would know where they were. _Jayne can't protect River the way that I can. He doesn't know how to handle her, not really. Even if they explained everything, even if he remembered what I told him, it doesn't really mean anything. He doesn't care about her the way I do. It's only a job._

Simon pushed himself up to a sitting position. He grit his teeth against the pain in his ribs. They were still knitting together. The doctors had assumed that his other deficits had been due to the attacks, and had added more healing factors and designer proteins to his drug cocktail. He could feel the low grade fire within his skin that meant he was healing. He itched everywhere, and it was only an extreme effort that allowed his skin to remain intact.

Tomorrow morning they would re-evaluate him and see if he was ready for discharge in the late afternoon. He knew his parents wouldn't be home any longer. The danger was rising and he could feel it down to his knitting bones.

_I don't know if I can do it,_ he thought, thinking of Zoe's comments earlier in the week. He was a doctor. He was supposed to heal and save lives, not take them. He wasn't supposed to exploit the dead or feel their thoughts.

_River hears thoughts all the time,_ he told himself sternly. _She's managed all right so far. She's better now._ On antipsychotics, true, but she still managed to function. She was doing well now, she had improved.

Now it was Kaylee that he had to worry about. Kaylee was in jeopardy now, and he wasn't sure what they were really after. _They want a child from every generation. They want to exploit the genetic pool. Is it really that important that I settle down if that's to be my child's fate? How could Mother have done it and looked at us with a straight face? How could she have lived with herself afterwards, lying to us both for years?_

Simon took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. _Does it really even matter that I have my doubts? Nothing changes the past. Maybe if I put my back into it, I'll find a way to get through this. I'll find a way out. I'll know what I need to do. Maybe I have to deal with this gift I've inherited, maybe I won't. I can't change what's been, I can only see it. And seeing it might be able to give me the clues to move forward._

The others would come for him, he knew. And once he was back in their circle, he would know what the plan was. The Academy would fall, no matter what it took. He would have to overcome his squeamishness and do what he had to do. He was able to make himself cut into dead bodies for anatomy class. True, there were gloves and protective barriers. There was no skin to skin contact. But the corpses he might have to handle weren't the dried out and rotted husks from Miranda. These would be relatively fresh, individuals that most likely had information that they would need. He would have to do what he needed to do. He had the inner fortitude; he couldn't have survived medical school and a surgical residency without it. He wouldn't have risen through the trauma service so quickly, and he wouldn't have been the youngest attending in the history of this hospital. Simon had forced himself to endure whatever he had to do in order to be at the top, and then in order to take care of his sister. Kaylee deserved no less. She deserved every ounce of strength he could muster. She deserved the best of him, all of his heart and soul.

_I'll find you, Kaylee,_ he thought desperately. _I'll get you back._

***

"We need to contact Jayne," Mal told Zoe after the meeting. "We got the wave address."

"You think that's wise? I'm sure that any signal could be traced, even the one here."

Mal gave Zoe his wry smile. "You catching my feeling, then? I wasn't sure what you thought about Hector."

"I don't think one way or another on him," Zoe replied stoically, crossing her arms. "But I didn't set up that wave machine, and I don't know if it's easily broken through. I'm sure we've been followed, and there's no telling if someone followed Inara while she was walking around town the way she does."

"She had to look normal," Mal protested.

"I know. But this place was never meant to necessarily be secret, just to tell secrets. So if she got followed, they know exactly where we are."

"They'll trace the transmission," Mal mused. Zoe nodded grimly. "We could always try to get a quick warning off so they can get off world." He tried to smile at her. "It don't take long to get married, does it?"

Zoe snorted. "It all depends if you're going to do something formal, or if there's just a justice of the peace. Some Core families do it up for days at a time."

Mal swore under his breath. "So what d'you think she might do? 'Cause she needs to get back on the move."

"Nobody knows where she is..."

"It's only a matter of time before they figure out who's missing and who should be here. And if they do, she's in trouble and ain't got no warning."

"Sounds like that rock and hard place," Zoe said, voice droll as ever. She leaned against the wall and looked at the generals in the main room. "They'll want to move fast."

"It sounds like you want to give a warning, too."

"I'd say to do it stealthy and in a place not here." Zoe smiled at Mal. "I don't think you're wrong, sir. I'd just want to make sure it's done right." Her upper lip curled into a half smile, and her head was slightly cocked in a conspiratorial manner. "You know how it goes."

"You want something done right, do it your own damn self," they chorused together.

Mal smiled. "You're the one I trust in this. The others, not so much."

Zoe straightened up. "We need to find another place to send this message. We'll need to somehow not get caught while sending it."

Mal nodded at her. "Well, I know how to start an easy distraction. Then you can slip out and find a place that can send anonymous waves."

She thought about it for a moment. "I think I know just the place."

Mal looked over at the generals and smiled. "I think I'm gonna enjoy this."

Zoe watched him saunter over to the generals at the table, shaking her head. Once the yelling and cursing started, she slipped from the room unnoticed. She used a service staircase and exited through the apartment building's loading docks once she was able to scout out the surrounding area from the stairwell windows.

She had a message to send.

***

The Cobb family wave machine picked up a stray message from a number it didn't recognize. The message itself was recorded as being forwarded through the nearest space port from offworld, but it was sent to the "Non-Family" folder on the machine screen. With the impending wedding planning, Vera and the twins didn't bother to check on anything but the "Family" folder. Matt didn't usually check anything but the folders marked for himself or Caro, and Caro was the one the one that usually checked on all of the folders. Vera was seizing her attention for wedding planning, so she didn't check the wave machine.

No one noticed the flashing folder icon on its screen.

***  
***


	36. Nothing Left To Hide

Sabrina returned to the apartment and paused just inside the threshold. Something felt different, though she couldn't place her finger on it. Uncle had been in meetings all day, and hadn't seemed to notice any wrongdoing. The Family Line was broken, but he likely didn't know it yet.

Sabrina shut the door behind her with a quiet click. She eased out of her high heeled shoes and proceeded across the tiled floors in her stockinged feet. Her eyes flicked down the hallway, taking in the undisturbed items in the rooms. The apartment was much too silent. Katrina usually played music when alone. No one dared to enter this particular apartment complex. Only the Alliance government officials had more security measures than their homes, but Operatives were the ones in charge of their security. Specialists knew how to run around Operative security systems if they had to.

She stepped into the laboratory, gun drawn. Angela's body lay still on the table, and Katrina was still in the chair beside it. She was bent over Angela, both of her hands wrapped up in the broken girl's. Neither looked like she was breathing.

Sabrina stepped silently into the room. She knew better than to announce her presence and disrupt Katrina's concentration.

It seemed like an eternity before Katrina raised her head. Her eyes seemed to shimmer, and Sabrina almost took a step back.

Katrina didn't look like herself at all.

"Welcome home, sister mine," she said. The intonation wasn't like Katrina at all, and the hairs stood up on the back of Sabrina's neck. "We missed you."

"We?"

Katrina's smile stretched thin and wide. "Katrina is weak willed. The task of slipping into Angela's mind overwhelmed her."

"So who are you?"

Katrina's eerie grin widened as she stood. Angela's limp hand fell from her loose grip. "We are an amalgam. We are something new, a combination of two."

"So what now?" Sabrina asked cautiously. She didn't break eye contact. She didn't trust this thing in her sister's body, and knew that if she broke eye contact she would be giving tacit permission for this thing to do something stupid.

"Whose side do you choose?"

Sabrina's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Independent or Alliance?"

"My own side," Sabrina hissed. "As always."

The glitter in Katrina's eyes intensified. "Excellent."

When Katrina pounced, Sabrina didn't have time to scream.

***

The alleyway was dark and dirty. Kaylee was crouched behind a large dumpster, trying to keep from being seen. The crowds passed her hiding spot without even glancing at her. She still couldn't believe she had managed to escape the house of mirrors and strange things going on around her. All she needed was a grinning cat and she knew she would go insane.

Kaylee looked up at the fire escape above her head. She could probably climb it quickly. The ladders looked like the ones on Serenity, and those were an easy climb.

She jumped to her feet and began the climb. As she went past the first floor, Kaylee could hear the crack of thunder. The skies would open soon, so she would have to hurry and find shelter. She definitely wanted to be out of eyesight before anyone realized she was gone. Whoever had developed that house of mirrors was insane, and she wanted to be far, far away. Other than River, Kaylee had never known anyone crazy, and even River scared her witless sometimes.

She found an open window on the third floor. She slipped inside just minutes before the rain began. The room was dark and sparsely furnished. Thankfully, there were no mirrors. Kaylee didn't think she'd ever want to see a mirror again.

Kaylee sat down on one of the ramshackle chairs and ran her fingers through her hair to untangle it. She felt completely shaken, and didn't know how to get herself back on track. She was a mechanic, after all. She knew how to deal with the physical and the here-and-now. She knew how parts worked, and she could tie a ship together with glue and string. Once things began sliding toward the strange and spooky, she was grossly out of her depth. She didn't know what it was that had been in that other house, but at least it was no longer after her.

She didn't know when or how she was able to fall asleep. One moment she was finger combing her hair, and the next Kaylee's eyes snapped open at the sound of feet against the fire escape. She shot to her feet and pressed herself against the wall near the window. She figured that would make less noise than going out through the door. Plus, she had no idea what was behind that door. For all she knew, more crazy mirror people were beyond it.

The footsteps went past the window and continued upward toward the roof. Kaylee breathed a sigh of relief.

When the wall in front of her started to bubble, she leapt out of the window and climbed down the fire escape ladder as fast as she could. She ran out into the rain-soaked alley and then plunged into the street, hoping to blend into the crowds and hide.

It felt like eyes were tracking her every motion.

She sent a silent prayer up to Buddha for her safety, and tried her best to navigate through the thick crowds. She hoped that soon she would figure out where she was. Once she figured that out, hopefully she could find out where she could hide in safety.

***

Vera had insisted on a going away dinner prior to leaving Beylix. She had managed to keep herself from yelling at Jayne and River for getting married without her, but was somewhat appeased when they told her she could plan them a "proper" wedding this way. The paperwork was in place, and she could do whatever she liked in planning the festivities.

"You know that's a horrible thing to say to Ma," Mattie had said, reaching for his water glass. He grinned at Jayne. "She'll turn it into a shindig the size of this whole town, and you'll never see the end of it."

"Oh, hush. I ain't that bad."

"Oh no? If we hadn't said we're planning ours on our own, you'd thrown a three day festival!" Caro interjected.

Vera laughed along with them, shaking her head. "Now, I can't help it if my baby's getting married to such a nice girl. Of course I'd want to show off..."

"Think about when babies come along," Victoria had added, leaning forward. She grinned at Caro and Mattie unabashedly. "It'll be intolerable then."

"Oh, you..."

The entire moment seemed to crystallize. Vera was sitting at the head of the table. River and Jayne were seated on one side of her. Caro, Mattie and the twins were sitting on the other side of her. Kara and Horace sat on the same side of the table as River and Jayne. Charles sat at the opposite end of the dining room table. River turned to face Charles' end of the table, where Kara and the twins were making faces at each other. Horace was rolling his eyes, and Charles was in the middle of a sneeze.

There was a presence on the back porch. It felt like the cold reaches of space along River's spine.

She stood abruptly, knocking her chair backward.

All eyes turned toward River, who had a look of terror on her face. "Run," she said, turning toward the back door. "RUN!"

The back door was kicked in just as most of those at the table stood up. A pair of twins stood there, thin and gaunt and dressed completely in black. Their dark hair was shoulder length, and their green eyes were slanted slightly, hinting at an Asian heritage. Their faces were carefully blank as they took in the dining area.

"Methinks our Miss Tam believes she found herself a new family, brother mine," the lead twin said, voice arch. His lip curled slightly in derision when he gazed at River. "To think she actually believed she could run from us."

"She's Mrs. Cobb now, boyo," Jayne hissed. His hand immediately went to his hip, but he had left his gun upstairs in his bedroom. He hadn't thought to bring one of his girls to dinner. Why should he have? Nothing like this ever happened on the Cobb homestead before, and Vera hated to have steel at the table.

The lead twin's eyes fell onto Jayne. "Is she now? Legally so? Somehow I do doubt that."

"Check your records. She don't belong to you."

"Well now," the lead twin said, lips thinning. They stretched over his teeth, more of a grimace than a smile. "We'll just have to fix that."

Jayne noticed the table knife in River's hand and wished he had thought to grab his as he had stood as well. "I think River's gonna take exception to that."

The grimace widened, sending chills down everyone's spines. "Please do."

The knife flew from River's hand and embedded itself deeply into the lead twin's right shoulder. It happened faster than anyone could blink.

The following twin gave River a genuine smile. "Oh, lovely. Time away from us hasn't dulled your senses at all. This is progress."

The lead twin pulled the knife from his shoulder. It was coated thickly in blood, but he seemed unaffected by the sight of it. "Let's progress, then."

He moved forward, and it looked as though he was raising the knife intending to cut his way to River's side. Charles shifted his position at the table so that he was covering his children from view. The lead twin didn't even look at him as he shoved the knife deeply into Charles's chest. The blade was buried to the hilt, piercing his heart.

"Daddy!" Kara screeched, hands flying to her mouth in horror. Horace scuttled backward, hitting the wall with his back.

"Let the games begin," the second twin said sweetly, locking eyes with her.

Charles fell forward, blood bubbling up and out of his mouth. He grasped the twin that had stabbed him, fisting the black shirt in his hands. He spat blood into the twin's face, hoping his last act would give the others enough of a head start to escape.

The lead twin pushed Charles to the floor, and he fell at the twins' feet. His last sight was the look of horror on Kara's face, her eyes wide with fear. It almost looked like her mother's, when Sashi had heard that Charles' father had been gored in a hunting accident. "Sashi," he whispered, blood falling from his lips. There was the sound of feet running, silverware clattering to the floor. He grasped one twin's ankle as his eyes closed.

After a vicious kick in the chest, Charles knew no more.

The family members had scattered from the dining room. "I do believe they're afraid of us," the second twin remarked mildly.

"Intelligent after all. You never can tell on Rim worlds, you know," the lead twin said, voice arch. He glanced from the dead body at his feet to his brother. "I do believe we should eliminate the shields first. Then Miss Tam will fall back into the fold."

The other twin frowned. "She's Mrs. Cobb, now, Ferdinand."

Ferdinand's eyes snapped. "No, she isn't. They're only pretending."

"I saw the ring."

"False as well. Don't buy into it, Algernon," Ferdinand hissed. "She belongs to us, and we're going to get her back. _Now."_

Algernon said nothing, and followed his brother out of the room.

"Come out, little girl. Where are you hiding? You can't hide from us," Ferdinand sing-songed as he stalked his way through the living room. "You know you can't run far. We've found you. You can't hide from us."

Mattie and Caro were hiding in the den. Mattie had slipped behind the couch, and Caro had hidden in the coat closet. She was fumbling about in old coat pockets, hoping that there was something she could use against the twins if they found her. There was nothing but old ticket stubs or receipts, and only a mothball or two at the back of the closet. She prayed to Buddha that they didn't go poking too far back into the coat closet, if they even came into the den.

Horace had run to the room that his family had been assigned. He took a swig of his father's whiskey and grabbed both his pistol and his father's pistol. Kara had followed, and grabbed her crossbow and quiver full of arrows. Horace stepped into the hall first, pistols at the ready. "You stay behind me, Kara," he warned, no trace of teasing in his voice.

"We back each other up," she affirmed with a nod.

"Damn straight. They're goin' down for killin' Daddy, that's for sure."

They knew that Jayne and River had gone upstairs for weapons, and didn't know where the twins or Vera had gone. It didn't matter. There was revenge to be had.

Horace led the way down the hall. He moved slowly and silently, a pistol in each hand. His left was his weaker, but he could still shoot with it. Kara had one arrow notched and ready to fly to a target. She followed a half step behind and off to the right of Horace. The two of them worked in concert, as if hunting in the woods near Yarbrook.

Horace squeezed off a shot when Ferdinand came into view, and Kara let the first arrow loose. It buried itself in Ferdinand's arm, and Horace's gunshot went wide.

Kara knew what was going to happen before it did. She pushed Horace away from her, toward the wall, as Ferdinand's gun arm rose. The gunshot hit Horace in the leg instead of the lower gut, and he fell heavily to the floor. Their father's gun hit the floor and spun out to the other side of the hall, not far from Kara's feet. Horace still held his own gun in his right hand. Kara quickly reached into her quiver and let loose another three arrows. Ferdinand rolled gracefully across the open hallway, pulling out her one arrow as he went. He threw it back at them, a wide grin on his face. It chilled her to see it.

"I like to play these kinds of games. I always win."

Kara could hear footsteps behind her, and tensed. She didn't want to chance to look behind her, but soon smelled the scent of River's soap. River had a few throwing knives in hand; Kara guessed that they came from Jayne. Jayne had two guns at his hip, one in hand, and a bandolier full of bullets across his chest. Just seeing them made her feel better already.

"Put pressure on that wound," River told Horace, throwing him a clean handkerchief. The boy didn't even stop to think about how she had known about the wound, and gratefully pressed the cloth to his thigh. He was bleeding steadily, but at least his femoral artery hadn't been nicked by the bullet as it passed through his leg.

River crept down the hallway, knives at the ready. Kara followed, and Jayne took up the rear of their little line. "Where's the girls?" Jayne asked gruffly.

"I didn't see," Kara said.

"Safe," River replied at the same time. Jayne nodded at her and fell silent.

_We're not going to die,_ Kara told herself. _We've got home advantage. They just surprised us, is all._

Kara was startled by the sound of a gun blast. It was followed by a heavy thud and a moan of pain. If Kara had to stop and guess, she would have thought it was one of the twins. Arrow ready, she followed River into the living room.

Vera was holding a shotgun, aiming it at one twin. "Move again and you get it," Vera hissed in anger. "Don't think I won't shoot your sorry ass."

The twin didn't look at his fallen brother, and merely smiled at Vera. "Please do. I welcome the provocation." His laughter was like the sound of breaking glass falling to the ground. "Don't think you can best me, old woman."

"I took down your other half," Vera snapped. "Don't think I won't do that to you."

"You only caught him by surprise," he laughed, moving suddenly. Vera pulled the trigger, missing Ferdinand as he moved. River threw a knife, Kara shot her bow, and Jayne shot his own gun. The knife grazed Ferdinand's arm, Kara's shot went wide and Jayne's bullet missed as well.

Ferdinand rolled as he moved, fist out. His fist caught Vera in the solar plexus. The breath whooshed out of her, and she crumpled to the ground in pain. Jayne roared in anger and shot again, moving forward.

Ferdinand caught River by the wrist and tried to roll to the side, toward the front door. But she put up a stronger struggle than Ferdinand had thought she would. They began a deadly dance of fists and feet, each giving and receiving blows. Kara and Jayne knelt by Vera. Neither could get a clear shot, and they didn't want to accidentally harm River.

River twisted within Ferdinand's grip. Jayne winced when she grabbed Ferdinand's balls and twisted; he knew from painful experience just how tight she could grab. But Ferdinand only laughed, and slammed his chin into the top of her head. As River sank down further, stunned, Jayne lifted his gun and shot. The bullet grazed his temple and buried itself into the wall behind them both.

Ferdinand threw River aside. She fetched up against the wall, not far from where Algernon lay on the floor. There was a large pool of blood all around him. Ferdinand didn't seem to take note of that at all. "I'll deal with you later, little one." He stalked toward the others, hands open at his sides. "No more shields to hide behind."

Kara grabbed Vera's shotgun and pulled it up to position. "Think buckshot to the gut is healthy, asshole? Try it and see."

His grin was frightening. "Think you can, little girl? Think you can kill?"

Kara thought of her father, the shock on his face as the knife pierced his heart. She thought of how he looked late at night in the backyard under the starlight, bottle in hand. She thought of the pictures she had seen buried in the attic of her parents on their wedding day. She thought of how much of an insensitive ass her father could be, and the thousand thoughtless things he said on a daily basis.

She smiled, a happy grin full of teeth. "Yeah."

Ferdinand's eyes widened at the sight. "Oh."

Unfortunately, the rifle was empty. The hollow click was impossibly loud in the hallway, and Kara could feel her heart drop to her stomach. _Gorram_ it!

River had pushed herself to her feet in the meantime, and grasped the heavy ceramic lamp near the couch. "Ferdinand," she called, voice shaky.

He turned from Kara, just in time to have the heavy lamp smash him upside the head.

Jayne kicked him viciously in the gut after Ferdinand hit the floor. "Damn lousy Alliance _go se._ That's what you get for going after my girls."

Kara looked around. "We got something to tie him up?"

Jayne checked his guns. There were still two bullets in each. "Why's he gotta live?"

"Who said he was?" she challenged. River looked at her with weary eyes, and then turned away.

"Kara, don't," Vera said, weakly pushing herself up to her feet.

"Tie him up, leave him outside in the desert. Let the storms dry him out." Kara looked at them all with her jaws locked tight. "He needs to suffer."

"Sounds fine with me," Jayne agreed. "There's rope in the barn."

"I'll let the others know it's safe," River murmured. She went to the den first for Mattie and Caro, then moved to the back door. "It's all right. They're down."

The twins disengaged themselves from the porch roof, dropping the pieces of broken shingle they had found. "We were gonna hit 'em on the way out," Victoria said, showing River the broken edge of the shingle. "We coulda done it."

River nodded. "Clever, but unnecessary now. They have been neutralized for now."

"You got to run, don't you?" Viola asked. She watched as River nodded slowly. "Where to?"

"Elsewhere," River replied evasively. "There may not be a particular place that they cannot follow us to. There may be no other option than to return to the source and end it all."

"We're going with you," Victoria announced.

"No, you're not," River said firmly, shaking her head. "Stay here, where it's safe. Care for your grandmother and keep her safe. Others may come looking for me."

They watched River reenter the house, then looked at each other. "Screw that," Victoria said, shaking her head. "You with me, Vi?"

"Of course," Viola said, voice stronger than she felt.

Jayne was just returning with rope, and he and Kara soon made short work of tying up Ferdinand with the tightest knots they could make. Jayne threw the thin man over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. "Coming, River?"

"His ship is in the desert. We'll use it to leave, so that we don't have further documentation."

He nodded. "Smart. He's trapped, then. Can't do nothing else but die."

"He's hardier than that," River warned. "It would be safer to kill him."

"He needs to suffer," Kara hissed. "He killed Daddy, he shot up Horace."

River fell silent. "We need to leave as soon as possible," she said after a moment.

"You two go," Vera said, pushing herself away from the wall. "I'll clean up here. You do what you need to do, then come on back home."

River looked down at the floor. "I am truly sorry. I brought trouble into your home, and I have caused death. I am truly a danger to you."

Vera stepped forward and gathered River into her embrace. "S'alright, River. You're a daughter now, _dong ma?_ Kin sticks together, no matter what. You didn't ask 'em here, you didn't ask for that trouble on your head. I'll take care of this. You go fix what you need to fix so you can come on back and stay."

River ended the embrace. "We shall see. I hope to return."

"You better. I need some more grandbabies to be looking after." Vera looked at Jayne pointedly, and watched him squirm slightly at her next words. "That one there kept me waiting for much too long. Now that he's found himself a nice girl, I want him taking family more seriously. None of that brave silly nonsense."

"We gotta be goin', Ma," Jayne said. He grasped River's hand and looked at Mattie and Caro in the doorway. "Mattie, give us a ride in the mule. I don't wanna leave it stuck out in the middle of nowhere."

"Sure," Mattie said, nodding. He headed to the backyard where it was kept.

Jayne looked at Caro and Vera. "It's going to be tough for a while yet, so keep an eye out."

"I got your Pa's shotgun," Vera announced. "I got more ammo somewhere around here. Never had to use it much, since people 'round here know better than to mess with a Cobb."

They shared grins, and then Jayne and River left." Take care of my brother," Kara pleaded. "I gotta see this done."

"Of course," Vera replied with a solemn nod. "You do what you gotta do. We'll be here when you get back from seeing it done."

After a moment's hesitation, Kara followed them out of the door. Vera blinked in surprise when she saw the twins tumble into the back of the mule. She had a feeling they had inherited some of Christina and Jared's wild streak, and that was certainly proof positive of it.

Shaking her head, Vera walked into the hallway. Horace was holding up just fine, and a quick call to Doc Wade gave her a promise that he was on his way.

Vera walked into the living room and stood over the other man's body. His eyes fluttered as he looked up from the floor. In the commotion, he had turned himself over onto his stomach. He was using his own blood to write a series of numbers on the floor.

"You got a name?" Vera asked. She wished she had a shotgun in hand, even though he was paler than a ghost and didn't have much longer to live.

"Algernon," he whispered. He smiled up at Vera sadly. "I'm sorry about this, Mrs. Cobb. I couldn't stop him. I could never stop him. He never listens."

"What's this you're writing?"

"You need to wave them. Let them know what happened. They're on a fool's errand, thinking they can save her from us. But it's too late now, the wheels have already started to turn. He's done the unthinkable, and there's going to be hell to pay." Algernon's voice dropped to a whisper. Vera almost felt sorry for the dying bastard, but deliberately hardened her heart. Everyone had a choice in life, and no one was completely helpless. She knew that people had to learn from life the hard way sometimes, and this one obviously hadn't ever learned that kind of lesson. "I couldn't stop it. I could never stop it."

"Who's them I'll be talkin' to?"

"Her friends. From Serenity, the ones that helped her evade capture for so long. They're still going to try to help her. If they move now, they're all dead, too."

The "too" bothered Vera more than she was willing to say. "Why should I believe you? How do I know it's not a trap?"

Algernon's head fell to the floor in defeat. "I can't prove it. I can't prove anything. But I'm dying, and I'm sorry." His voice dropped even lower. "I'm sorry. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know, Mrs. Cobb. I really am."

For some reason, Vera believed him. "I'll call."

His eyes closed in relief. "Good. They'll know what to do."

"And you?"

"I never existed.... all traces gone.... It doesn't matter now. Nothing ever mattered."

Vera decided that it was the saddest and most pathetic way to die, bleeding to death on a stranger's floor with nothing but a lifetime of regrets. She slowly knelt down to the floor and touched the top of Algernon's head. "I forgive you, Algernon," she said softly. He shuddered in relief beneath her touch. "Go on in peace."

She waited until he breathed his last, then rose to her feet. Her knees ached, her stomach hurt from Ferdinand's blow, and she was tired. But she was a mother and grandmother first and foremost. She was tough after a lifetime on a farm on Beylix and the last dozen years alone as a widow. Beylix was the kind of rock that weeded out the gentle from the tough, and she was certainly a tough one when she had to be.

Vera tapped in the wave coordinates Algernon had painted on her floor. As she waited, she made up her mind. Alliance or no Alliance, she had a family to protect.

God help them all if more of her family came up hurt.

***  
***


	37. United We Stand

"Everything comes down to division. Creation divides earth and sky. Elements divide the world. Classes divide people. All is not well with the world. Division weakens it, undermines the strength of our Alliance. We cannot allow this to happen. Unity is strength, stability and security. This is what the Sino-Anglo Alliance is all about. This is why we are here. The best and brightest serve us all, protect us from harm, heal our ills and pave the way to a brighter future. This is the reality of the Alliance and the dream of our united worlds. We need to work hard to ensure this vision, to ensure our future and security."

There were resounding cheers from the crowd at the Senator's speech. Londinium was packed for Unification Day, and the various cities were all full of events to celebrate.

Kaylee slipped easily into the crowds at the street fair. Whatever the content of the speech was, she didn't pay attention. The strange men with corpselike faces, thin frames and black leather trench coats were gone for the moment. She must have completely thrown them off if they didn't follow her here.

Kaylee had to admit that these recent events were very troubling. She had no idea what was going on or why, though it had to have something to do with River. This whole thing had to do with her and the government wanting her back. Simon risked his life to get her to safety, and seeing the secret of Miranda only made her realize how dangerous the government really could be. Whoever had taken her from that restaurant on Osiris was likely government, since no one lifted a finger to help them. She hoped Simon was still alive. Knowing him, he would move heaven and earth to get her back.

She still didn't know what mirror tricks or bubbling walls had to do with River. But those were certainly _gorram_ scary, and she didn't want to run into those pasty faced men again. If she could find transport from Londinium back to Osiris, she could find Simon or his family.

The problem was, today was Unification Day. The security was thicker and tighter than ever. Kaylee knew it was difficult enough to stow away on a ship in ordinary times, but this was now far from ordinary. At least she didn't have a gun or other kind of weapon with her. Then it would be downright impossible.

Kaylee let herself get swept off in the crowd. It took her out of the main square and into one of the side streets. She kept her ears open for anyone talking about the space port, and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. Luckily, Londinium wasn't a big Browncoat location. There weren't too many people around that she was likely to know. There also was less likely to be a brawl to try and escape.

Kaylee found herself smiling about forty-five minutes later. An older man was bemoaning his ship's state of repair. "An' my mech is off drinking an' whoring it up for the holidays."

"Where ya headed?" Kaylee asked, curious.

"Ariel," the old man replied, shaking his head. "I'll be late for sure, now."

"What's broke? I'm a fair hand with tools."

"You don't look old enough to hold one up."

"Let's just see, then. I'm looking to get off this rock. If I can fix your problem, just bring me with you. No other payment necessary."

The old man eyed her strangely. "What're you running from, little girl?"

Kaylee lifted up her sleeve, exposing a large purple bruise on her arm. "Somebody that thinks this is okay to do on a regular basis."

The old man tugged her sleeve down. "Nobody should be hitting no little girl. Where's your daddy or mama?"

"Both dead," Kaylee lied. "So I thought I had something good. But it turned out to be not so good after all."

"Damn shame," the man muttered, shaking his head sadly. "For sure, I'd take you to Ariel even if you can't fix my boat a lick."

"Oh, no. I do my fair share," Kaylee vowed, shaking on it. "I'm Kayla."

"Captain Tyler Moore. I sail the ship _Eagle Eye."_ The captain's chest puffed up so much with pride that he reminded Kaylee of her father describing her mechanic skills.

"Well, then, Cap'n, why don't I go fix your ship? We'll have her purring in no time."

Kaylee let the Captain escort her to the space port. Luckily, there were no pale faced black trench coat figures on the way, and no one at the port gate paid any attention to her. Apparently, they knew the Captain well, and were chatting with him. She got to work, easily finding the problem with the engine.

By the time the captain had settled his port docking fees, the engine was fixed and the ship was ready to go. Pleased, he let Kaylee sleep in an empty bunk room after eating her fill of rations. It was the safest she had felt in a long time.

Ariel was one step closer to Osiris.

***

"We did them a disservice," Regan said sharply to Mal. "You should have let them be!"

"What's she yammering on about now?" Mal groused to Gabriel. "Can you speak crazy?"

"You led them to my daughter, fool!"

The entire room fell still. Mal could feel his stomach churn in fear. "That ain't right."

"The wave was traced to the proper world. The space port bounced the signal to the proper home. All they had to do was track it to its final destination," Regan hissed, pointing at Mal. "On your order, they found my missing child!"

"Regan," Gabriel began placatingly. "She wasn't really ours. You said so."

_"Bui zui!"_ Regan hissed at him. "You always believed in the lies they told. You only saw what they wanted you to see."

Stung, Gabriel fell silent. Mal turned to Zoe. "You weren't followed."

"No," Zoe said, shaking her head. "I made sure of it."

"They knew where you were at all times," Regan said in a low tone. "You wouldn't know where they are, but they can see you. They're trained not to be found."

"What are you talking about?" Zoe asked. "We saw that Operative just fine."

"Not an Operative. She's moved beyond that level of security now. Specialists are involved."

Sarah dropped the glass she was holding and Steven fell into a chair. Julian went pale. _"Ta ma de,"_ he whispered. "What have we done?"

"What?" Thomas asked. Mal shook his head in wonder. "What's going on?"

"There are different levels of security," Julian said, once it was clear Regan wasn't about to explain. His voice was shaking. He glared at Regan's back as she turned away to look out of the window. "Standard army and intel, then the special forces. Those are levels everyone knows about. There are top secret security forces for top level access. They have no official name or function, but wear black suits and blue gloves. They travel in pairs and carry sonic disruptors with them for maximum lethality and minimum fuss. If they are not effective, the government will then call in the Operatives."

"Now wait a minute," Mal protested. "We fought them blue-handed guys after the Operative. Or, Mrs. Tam told 'em to shove off."

"They likely intended to save face," Julian said, voice quiet. "After the Operatives are Specialists. They're so top secret, I don't even have official knowledge that they exist."

"I do," Steven said, face still pale. "They're even worse monsters than the Operatives. I had to deal with one once... She had no soul."

Regan laughed and turned back from the window. "Of the current crop of Specialists, she is the one with the soul. The others are all the automatons you fear."

"You need to stop this talk right now," Hector said, voice trembling slightly. "We're doing what needs to be done. They violated the Articles of Federation, and they've gone against the spirit of the Alliance. This is what we have to remember. If we falter, we're dead."

"If they're using Specialists, we're dead anyway," Steven intoned.

"There is still a chance," Sarah said quietly. "We knew it was difficult when we started. Now is not the time to lose heart."

"Sarah's right," Zoe said, voice harsh. "We've all lost something more precious than our loyalties to get to this point. We believe in something higher than ourselves, in a truth that must be told. This is why I'm here. This is why we're all here."

"It's time to move," Mal said. He turned to Regan and Gabriel. "We'll pick up Simon and get our missing people. This is a war they're going for. They're fighting to change people and mold them into something different. They did it before and hushed it up. We let everyone know about Miranda, and the truth was ugly. But it's in the open now. People should never be afraid of their government poisoning them or crushing their spirits to dust."

"Bring her home safe," Regan said softly. She turned away from Mal. "It's all I ask. Just keep her safe, even if it's not with me."

Mal nodded, and so did Zoe. "We will," she said.

"All right, then. Let's move."

***

Kara couldn't take her eyes off the stars. She had never been in space before, and other than the class trip to Voltaire's planetarium once, she had never seen what space looked like. The twins got over the novelty of it fairly quickly, and were trying to figure out how to move in zero gravity in the training room. River was piloting the ship, and Jayne paced the bridge nervously.

"They'll be fine," River said after a long moment. "I'm no longer in proximity, so they're no longer in any danger."

"You don't know that," Jayne snapped. River gave him a long look, and he sighed. "Okay, I guess you do. But it's not what I meant."

"It never is," she said softly.

"Now what?" Kara asked.

"I'm bouncing off the signals that the Specialist is trying to use to find us," River said. She didn't take her eyes off of the controls. "Ma Cobb is sending a coded message to the others."

Jayne started. "What?"

"She killed one of them. He held remorse for some of their prior actions and wished to atone for them. He gave your mother the coordinates to the wave signals the others are using."

"So we'll meet somewhere?"

"As soon as I can arrange it," River confirmed. "Most likely a world between us."

"So this other guy is going to be pissed," Jayne said. "He'll be after us even more."

"He's trying. But Ferdinand is not the communications specialist that his twin was. I'm easily scattering his signal and preventing him from finding us," River said, sure of herself.

"When he does catch up with us, he'll be right brassed off."

"Even he must succumb to steel," River replied. Her eyes didn't leave the console.

Jayne took it to mean bullets and smiled. "Yeah, it's hard for any man to dodge this. My girls are all good ones," he said with pride.

_Yes, we are,_ River thought grimly. _We're full of deadly force within shiny packages. Handle with care._

But she said none of this. She continued to pilot and deflect surface recognition.

***

Simon glared at the bevy of army generals as introductions were made. Inara was as gracious as ever, and he resented that fact just then. He no longer had his professional demeanor, even though he had certainly hidden behind it often enough in the past few years. He now realized his game face was exactly that, and was entirely devoid of feeling. The doctor's mask had shielded him for so long, and it had hurt to shed it when he first went on the run. Now, the mask was cracked and full of holes. He found it harder to separate his soul from his patient. One school of thought held this was a bad idea; he could grow too attached and lose himself. This certainly happened when he discovered River's plight. The other school of thought held that he had to retain his humanity to be approachable to patients. He hadn't needed it as a surgeon, but he definitely needed this as a ship's doctor. He no longer worked in isolation.

Now, he realized he didn't want to. People were real again, not just diseases. He could see the world for what it was and not what could have been.

If he had Kaylee back, life would be perfect.

"Has anyone looked into where Kaylee's been taken?" he asked, voice hard. He dimly recognized it as his best and most imposing surgeon's voice.

"Son, the real objective is your sister," one of the generals said. Simon thought his name was Thomas, though he wasn't sure.

"I already have a father," Simon replied icily. "And they're connected."

"How can you be sure?" Sarah asked. She seemed rather straightforward, and reminded Simon of his chief resident from his first year of surgery. He liked her on sight, and trusted her implicitly though he couldn't say why.

Simon pulled the roll of plasfilm from where he had hidden it in his sleeve. "They dropped a ransom note when they took her."

She took it from him gingerly, unrolling it carefully. She only touched the edges, and then held it up to the light. She sucked in a breath, and then handed it to Steven. "It's their seal, all right. I recognize it. They're connected."

Steven's jaw clenched as he read over the contents after verifying the seal. "Well now. It seems we do have to get both the sister and the girlfriend."

"Fiancee," Simon said between clenched teeth. "She's a little more important for continuing the bloodlines in their Project, and they took her anyway."

Steven looked up, eyebrows creeping up toward his hairline. "What did you say?"

"Oh, I know all about the Project," Simon said, voice bitter and hard. "I know just how important our genes are for their little breeding program. Eugenics on an interplanetary scale to breed out top level soulless soldiers. Don't think I can't read between the lines."

Steven, Sarah and Julian exchanged glances. Thomas and Hector looked confused. Mal was somewhat cheered at the sight of Hector looking confused, but kept his peace. Zoe watched everyone warily. Inara looked ready to say something in order to smooth everything over. Gabriel and Regan remained silent and apart from the others.

"Well, since we have another prong to deal with," Julian began, looking at Hector, "I suggest we act upon it as well. Hector, can you delve into the mainframes from here?"

"Shouldn't be a problem," he said confidently.

Mal managed to restrain himself from snorting in doubt. "So, now what?"

"Take to the sky, start the chase. If they believe we have what they want, we can draw them out and away from the Academy long enough to take it down."

"That would be my job, I think," Steven said. "They know I was intel, so I'd be the one more likely to have the girl."

"Precisely. The rest of us hide, wait for security to drop and then dive into the maelstrom," Julian said with a nod.

"And what of the rest of us?" Simon asked, taking his plasfilm back from Steven.

"You can't take your ship," Julian said, shaking his head. "I had one of my officers go back to the ship, ostensibly to update my docking schedule. Your ship is monitored around the clock. It's too well known at this point."

Mal swore colorfully, turning away from Julian. "Now what?"

"You are more than welcome to fly with me," Julian said, nodding at him and Zoe. "Or you can travel on another ship. We are all in this together."

It was quickly decided. Mal and Zoe would travel with Julian, Simon and Inara would travel with Sarah. Inara refused to stay behind with the elder Tams, and considered the matter closed. Regan remained painfully silent throughout the entire exchange.

"We'll be safe," Simon promised his parents as they left.

He only hoped he hadn't lied.

***

Viola had to admit, being involved in the real thing was nothing like being in a novel. Characters didn't train, didn't falter, didn't fear. Or if they did, it was all in between scenes and carefully constructed. Novel characters didn't have the same sense of foreboding real people did. They couldn't, or else the story would be boring.

But Viola was afraid, and she knew Victoria was as well. They were no novel heroines. They didn't fight for a living or shoot guns regularly. They also weren't helpless females awaiting rescue. They were somewhere in between, sixteen year old twins born of tragedy and trying to figure out how to help their new family and still survive it.

On second thought, that described novel heroines just fine.

Still, even with some training, she knew she wasn't as good as any guard they would be up against. What was her one week or so against the years of combat training a guard would have had? River made it look and sound easy. And Viola knew that fighting her sister, while satisfying at times, wouldn't be like fighting one of the armed guards the wave specials always had. They would be mean, armed and dangerous. She wasn't silly enough to believe that necks snapped so easily like in the specials.

"You think we'll be okay?" Victoria asked, interrupting Viola's train of thought. Her voice was firm, but Viola knew she was nervous.

"Of course. River won't let anything happen to us," Viola replied with more confidence than she felt. Victoria seemed to accept the lie.

"What do you think it'll be like?"

"Lots of blue and white, like a hospital," Viola said after a moment. "I think it's a cold place, not at all like being home."

"Well, of course not," Victoria answered, rolling her eyes. "If it was like home, River never would've run away."

_Needles,_ Victoria thought, remembering River's fluttering hands. _She said there were needles. That's why the other medicine reminded her of the place._

"I'll protect you," Victoria said suddenly, smiling at Viola. "I'm better of the two of us. I have better aim with the bow."

Viola thought of how she was able to vault over the fence back at Vera's farm. She thought of how she could handle a pistol better. Victoria could use her fists and feet, and could use their uncle's rifle. Viola nodded slowly, and Victoria beamed at her.

"We'll be okay. And Kara's here with her bow. She'll get whatever I miss."

Viola laughed. "Vicky, she's the expert."

"Yeah, well, I've gotten just as good."

There were startled by a knock at their door. "Yeah? Come in."

Kara opened the door and then shut it behind her. There had been only two rooms set up as bedrooms in the tiny ship, so all three teen girls had to share one of them. Kara sat down in the corner, curling her legs under her. She sat in silence, looking at the door.

"You okay?" Viola asked, voice tentative.

"I've never been in space before," Kara said, voice small. "Never seen stars before. It's almost like you can touch them, but they're so far away." Kara wrapped her arms around her knees. "Dad might've liked 'em."

The twins looked at each other, unsure of where to begin. "He liked stars?" Viola asked, moving to sit on the floor beside Kara.

Kara nodded. "Or at least, it was an excuse to lie out back drinking all night. But he said my Ma loved 'em. 'S why they moved to Yarbrook, since it's all open spaces and empty sky."

"Stars are nice. Never 'preciated 'em much, though," Victoria said. "I'm not so sentimental that way, I guess."

"Stars don't put food on the table," Kara said abruptly. She stretched out on her pallet of blankets and pulled one up over her head.

The twins looked at each other again, unsure of what to say. "I guess not," Viola said finally. She moved to the light switch and dimmed it to low. "G'night."

"Night," Kara mumbled beneath her blanket.

The twins tucked themselves in, and let Kara cry herself to sleep in private.

***  
***


	38. Beneath The Skin

The creature that was not Angela, Katrina or Sabrina smiled at the guard in front of her. He was confused, and was trying very hard not to show it. He didn't like being confused by Alliance staff, no matter how pretty or high ranking they were. The guard was glad that this one was at least pretending to respect him; most pretended he wasn't even there.

"I need to speak with Operative 12," she repeated. She kept the smile on her face and her hands loose. "I'll need a silent conference room, no background or internal interference."

The monitor had her identified as Specialist 5, and her facial features matched the photo ID that came up on the guard's screen. The genetic scanner confirmed she was indeed Specialist 5. The guard didn't know why he was hesitating, which was confusing him greatly. This one had never logged any hours in this facility before; Specialist 3 had been the one to debrief and then decommission Operative 12. The Operative had since been confined to a set of isolation rooms until further processing could be done.

"Specialist, this is a highly irregular order."

The creature's eyes narrowed. Though she carried no weapon, the guard knew he had to tread carefully. People had disappeared for lesser offenses than disobeying Specialists.

"The notation on this file state that only Enforcer Specialists can override any isolation orders," the guard hurried to explain.

The creature's features eased somewhat. "The Enforcers are currently on a mission that hinges on knowledge this Operative possesses. As I am currently in the complex for further training, I was called in to assist."

"But the tag..."

"Enforcer 1 authorized it," the creature said, voice harsh and brittle.

"There is no entry code," the guard protested, looking at his display screen.

He didn't get a chance to look up. He felt pressure on the top of his skull – _Oh God, I failed_– and then he collapsed.

The creature walked behind the desk and pushed the dead guard aside. She located Operative 12 easily, as well as the kind of conference room she needed.

Her heels clicked on the laminate flooring. She entered the codes to the isolation suite. A black man in a white uniform jumpsuit looked up from the book he had been reading. He didn't look overly surprised to see her.

"Is today the day that I die, then?"

"Not quite, Louis."

He started, not having heard the name of his birth in years. No one knew it, not even his fellow Operatives. He had been Operative 12 the entire time.

"Specialist, I thought I was decommissioned."

"So you are. Come with me."

He stood, leaving his book behind. He walked with precise steps behind her. Fighting would be futile; she would sense the rebellious thought and act before he could draw breath. Besides, as he had told Malcolm Reynolds nearly two months earlier, there was no place for him in a perfect world. Though the Alliance was far from it now, he remained at their mercy and his sense of duty. He had assumed blame for the Miranda fiasco and had stricken it from the official records of all involved. Unless further arrest orders came from Specialist level or higher, they were all untouchable from further fallout.

He sat where the Specialist indicated. He immediately realized it was a silent room; there were no transmitting or recording devices in or around it. It was the ultimate form of privacy and trust in the prisoner's block.

She sat across from him at the table, a thin smile on her face.

"To what do I owe the honor of a silent room?"

"You may speak freely here."

"I always do," the Operative replied. "I believe in our Alliance and the goal of a better world. I am not ashamed of that."

"It would seem as if you had a crisis of that faith two months ago," she challenged.

He didn't falter. "I explained everything to the other Specialist upon my return."

"I am not satisfied."

"Nearly two months later?" he challenged.

"What happened on that moon? Why did you fail?" she pressed.

"He was not responsive to blows and had incapacitated my motor function."

"Not _how,_ Operative." He blinked in surprise at the use of his former title. _"Why?"_

"I don't understand," he said, voice soft. "Why are we speaking of this now?"

"It is still relevant."

"I don't see how."

"Leave that to me."

The Operative leaned back in his chair and eyed her shrewdly. "There's something they all missed, isn't there? They didn't ask the right questions two months ago, and now, they notice it."

"So what did the other Specialist fail to ask? It certainly wasn't the mechanics of the operation and its failure." The creature in Katrina's body smiled suddenly. "Nobody asks why. Nobody asks for the details they assume they know." The Operative slowly nodded. "So why was the young Miss Tam so important? It wasn't merely because she first in her class. She would be easily replaced if that was the case."

Now, the Operative returned her eerie smile. "Have you seen her test scores? Have you seen how she can _move?_ It's flawless."

"So the Reaver story is true."

"Absolutely. I suppose it would qualify as a field test. If so, she passed perfectly."

"What was her designation?"

"Operative class, likely. Or even Specialist."

The thing that was Katrina leaned back in her chair. "Ah. I see, now."

"Do you?" the Operative asked, the earnest spark in his eyes again. "That girl is comprised of layers of mystery and talent. Almost as if she were bred for it. She was perfect."

"You have no idea," she murmured to herself. Katrina's body stood. "I thank you. This has been most enlightening."

"Has it? I'm glad." He rose as well.

"I'll return you to your suite."

"My thanks, Specialist."

"Oh, don't thank me just yet. Your fate is still undecided. The orders may still come down for your death."

"In which case, I would welcome it gladly."

"You still believe, don't you?" she murmured after a moment. "Why?"

The Operative paused slightly, then looked her in the eye. "Because I must. The ideal of a perfect world is still a valid one, still worth fighting for. If our leaders have learned from their errors and move correctly once again, I may have faith in their actions once again."

"But you don't know," she pressed.

"No. But I have seen changes. I have seen some improvement. As long as we more toward that better world, I am satisfied."

She nodded. "I may need to speak with you again."

"I remain here," the Operative said with a smile. "I await your need."

The thing that was Katrina smiled. He had no idea what she might need him for.

He would fight back otherwise.

***

"I don't like this."

Zoe looked over at Mal. They were on Julian Chang's ship, _Bì Xuè,_ and had to leave Serenity behind. It felt strange to fly on another man's boat and not have to do a thing. "Some things can't be helped, sir," she intoned.

"I still don't like this."

"You did say it was time to move."

"So I did."

"And we know this is the right thing to do."

"I suppose it is. But things just feel _wrong."_

"Because this ain't Serenity," Zoe replied. She patted Mal's arm. "And you're not the only one here in command. It's harder to give up control after you've had it for so long."

Mal gave her a crooked smile. "That so?"

"Just so, sir." Zoe smiled at him and stood. "He's not a bad sort, at least. Seems like the type to listen and judge appropriately."

"As opposed to myself?" Mal asked.

"As opposed to taking over and not listening to us," Zoe clarified. "He even left Hector behind to look after the Tams and try to find Kaylee. The man riles you, and he's good at what he does. Good compromise all around." Zoe paused. "Is it Inara that bothers you?"

Mal grit his teeth. Inara and Simon were on Sarah's ship. Thomas and Steven were out there alone, none of his crew with them. He could have split them all up, but someone had to watch their backs. This was too important not to be paranoid.

Zoe noted his silence and nodded. "All right, then. Call her. You can, you know."

"For what? To say I don't trust them? She knows all that already anyway." Mal shook his head in disgust. "I gotta occupy myself, is all."

"Talk to him, then."

"Huh? Who?"

"General Chang. He's an interesting one. He plays it tight to the vest, that's for sure."

"I don't know if I trust that, either."

"I'm noticing a trend here, sir," Zoe said dryly.

"Oh, really? Enlighten me."

"You're not trusting anybody anymore."

"Is that so?"

"Just so," Zoe agreed. "And at times like these, that's gotta change."

"Why is that? I'm doin' just fine."

"Because you're not fine. And if you can't trust them in this, we're as good as dead. This plan needs us all in the right mind set."

"You know me..."

"I do. And that's why I'm telling you now."

"Huh." He watched as Zoe left the mess hall. Maybe she had a point. Maybe he needed to trust them a bit more. The shady one was on the ground, after all. Julian was above board, at least. Mal knew he could trust him. Maybe.

Mal wandered toward the bridge. Julian had said he had full run of the ship, though he had never felt comfortable doing so. Maybe it was time to start doing that.

***

Kara wandered up to the bridge. All of the lights were dim, and everyone else was asleep. There weren't too many places to go on the tiny ship, and the stars were seen best from the bridge. She had just woken from a nightmare. She had no idea what time it was, if time even existed in the depths of space, but knew that she would never be able to fall asleep again.

River was still at the bridge, hands on the controls and eyes on the panels. "You should be sleeping," she said quietly.

"Why aren't you?"

"Someone must watch over us."

"So who watches over you?"

River finally looked up and smiled. "I have my keepers, and they keep me very well."

Kara sat in the copilot's seat and brought her feet up. She wrapped her arms around her legs and dropped her chin on top of her knees. "I can't sleep."

"You had a nightmare." Kara nodded, unable to speak. "I get them a lot, too."

"Really? What are yours?"

River turned back to the control panels. "I'm in the Academy again, sometimes. Or at school when I was a child, before I ever knew the Academy existed. I arrive and walk to the cafeteria, where they fed me special food. I got to sit in colorful chairs and made many new friends. It was nice at first. It always starts out nicely, but every picture on the wall was of a man with gray eyes and gray hands and terrible love in his eyes still watching me. He sends his underlings after me, men without souls and with blue hands. They travel two by two."

Kara shivered. "That's horrid."

"Yes, it is."

Kara waited a long moment, but River didn't say anything. Finally, she sighed. "I'm in a house in my dreams. This is all in a new imaginary house that I've never seen before. It's my house in the dream, but I know it's not the house I grew up in. I leave my bedroom, and I decide to try to open a door down the hall. The door doesn't open. I know it's because there's dead bodies blocking the way. I leave the house so I can get through to the rooms by their outside doors. There's a long winding pathway to the outside, and I see the doors I tried to open from the outside. All the dead bodies are piled up there, like cords of wood. I tried to pick up one of the dead bodies, but it's too bloody and heavy. So then I rolled it..." Kara's breath hitched, and she looked up at River. The other girl was looking at her now, eyes soft with pain. "It was Daddy," Kara whispered, blinking back tears. "And then I woke up."

"There are different ways to interpret it."

"I don't want to interpret it. I want it to stop."

Kara looked over the controls onto the bridge and looked out at the stars. "He liked those. He said my Ma did."

River waited, silent. Kara wanted to speak, but didn't know how to find the words.

"I hated him," she said finally in a tiny voice. "I hated him so much."

"He drank a lot. He was rude. He wasn't a paragon of virtue. But he was still your father."

"I still hated him. All the time, growing up. I stayed as far away as I could."

"It's all right."

"No, it's not."

"You can love someone and still hate what they do. You can still hate someone for how they are and still love them for what they mean to you."

Kara looked at River, something like hope in her eyes. "You can?"

River nodded. "I do it all the time."

"For who?"

"My own parents."

_The ones that gave her away,_ Kara remembered. "Oh."

"So you see, it's quite common. It's not strange at all." River shrugged and looked out on the controls. "I think Ferdinand might be sleeping. Or maybe he stole a ship of his own. He hasn't tried to find us for three hours now."

"So we're safe?"

"For now."

"Now what?"

"In another few hours, I will attempt contact. Our friends have formed a small fleet. They aim to misbehave again."

Kara watched River smile, but couldn't find it within her to smile back. "Oh."

River began humming, and Kara thought she almost could remember the tune. It was something tickling the back of her mind, as if it she had known it as a child. It was comforting, even if she couldn't remember why.

Kara watched the stars go by in comfortable silence beside River. Sometimes it wasn't the words that were said that were comforting, but how they were said and the artful placement of the silences in between. "You should be a therapist," Kara said after a moment.

"I suppose I could be."

"What do you want to do?"

"I like piloting. I like physics. I like dancing... but not alone anymore, not really. It's not the same anymore. I don't know what I would do for a lifetime. It seems early yet to decide."

"What did you want to do before?"

"Theoretical physics. I would have been a researcher and professor. I would have been very talented at that."

They both lapsed into silence. Sometimes there really was no use to discuss what could have been, especially if there was no way to get it back.

***  
***


	39. Loom

_You stand there watching me, through one way glass, and I'm the fish in the tank. You did this to me. You stripped me down to nothing. I'm nothing now, a specimen beneath the glass. Look at me squirm beneath the pin..._

Inara shot up in bed, chest heaving as she fought for breath. She felt as though eyes were watching her. Maybe it was the weight of Mal's eyes on her before they parted ways. Maybe it was the feeling that her core of strength had melted and drained away. Maybe it was the sense that she had no ability to help the others. She would try her best, and would die trying if need be, but she didn't know what to do anymore. She was out of her element. She soothed and calmed, she smiled and comforted. She didn't stir up rebellion. Her most rebellious act had been to move to the black when she could no longer stomach the backstabbing politics of the Companions Guild. Leaving them had left an ache within her, a deep sense of loss that didn't begin to be filled until she realized what Mal might mean to her.

Might. Who knew where that would ever go? She certainly didn't.

_Feelings are messy, gut-wrenching things that do nothing but cloud your senses. Try to avoid them at all costs,_ she had been warned in the Training House. _Trust me,_ her teacher had said. _They will do nothing but make your life difficult._

Inara sighed. No one could ever teach you how to avoid falling in love. No one could teach you how to avoid weaving your life in and around someone else's. There was no way to teach that, no way to learn it. Now it was simply too late.

There was no sympathy for that. Inara pulled herself from bed began to wash up. There was no use trying to sleep again, since it was almost time to wake. Whatever happened, she knew she had done the right thing. She wasn't doing this to catch Mal's attention to try and wrest a confession of love or affection from him. She was doing this because it was the right thing to do, because she couldn't stand by and watch them all leave without her. She needed to be part of this, to feel as if her life carried meaning. Comforting others no longer brought her the satisfaction she used to find. Now she needed to _act_ as well as _react._

Oh, her teachers would be most displeased with her.

But Inara smiled at her reflection in the mirror. It didn't matter what they thought of her. It was one thing she had definitely learned out in the black. It didn't matter what anyone else thought of her but herself. She was the one that mattered, because she was the one that would have to live with the consequences of her actions. She was the one weaving the tapestry of her life, and she was the one that would have to look back and be pleased with the pattern she saw.

So far, she couldn't regret a thing.

***

Jayne understood logically why River had to stay awake on the bridge. That scary man who couldn't feel pain was after them. She knew how to bounce the signals so that it looked as though it passed through the ship. He didn't know how to do that, and it was too complicated to teach him how to do quickly.

He rolled over in bed and punched his pillow. But _gorram_ it, he had gotten used to the feel of her curled up in his arms. He worried about her now, and he wasn't entirely happy about that fact. He had gotten used to not caring about anyone but himself, too. Caring about others made a man weak and gave others a target to shoot at.

Before she had sent him off to bed, River had touched his lips with a forefinger. "I am strong enough for you not to worry. I would not hold you back," she said, as if she could guess at his thoughts. Oh, yes, she was a mind reader. He forgot sometimes. So she probably could feel the thoughts simmering beneath the surface of his mind. River had brought his hand to her stomach, flat and taut muscle just beneath the skin. "I don't carry the next generation as of yet, so there is not that worry to deal with. I bleed like a real girl does, now. It would not be an opportune time to lie together anyway."

Of course the individual words had gone right over his head. But he could get the gist of them, nonetheless. She wasn't pregnant, so he didn't have to worry about her getting knocked in the belly and some needle's contents killing their child.

He worried anyway, of course. That sort of thing just came natural. He worried about what was his, and he worried about the things he loved. It's why he had kept his family at arm's length for so long. His mother knew, even if his brother hadn't understood until recently. A merc's life wasn't one to have a family around for. They were a liability, and it was safer for them on a rock in the middle of nowhere. It was for their own good.

River was different, he had to admit. She could take care of herself. She was good with guns and blades and hand to hand combat. She knew what others were thinking and could move right along with it. She could do whatever she put her mind to. It was enough to make a man feel downright inferior, if he wasn't confident in himself.

That was probably part of what she meant by saying she needed a man good for her. A good man would've cut and run in times like these. He wouldn't have understood her words or how to fight back the strange _le se_ that was after them. He would have put it nicely, of course, but that good man Jayne thought she wanted would have dumped her just the same. He wasn't any kind of good man, but he did good as best as he could. If she was crazy enough to want him, and he was crazy enough to keep her, then they were stuck. He believed in that. They did their vows up all simple, but he had meant it. She probably had, too. No, she did. He knew that. They had meant their words, small though they had been. He was the kind that stood by his family, whatever that took. If it meant killing some strange unfeeling monster in human skin, then he would do it without blinking or thinking. It was what he did best, anyhow. He didn't have fancy words or expensive clothes. He didn't have the large words to speak with, and he knew he wasn't the brightest man in the 'verse. But he was honest, and he did what he said. He said he would protect River for the rest of his life, and he meant it, God help him.

The scarier thought was that she meant it, too. He had never had someone besides family care about him like that.

"Oh, _gorram_ it," he muttered, kicking off the covers. He threw his clothes back on and stomped off toward the bridge. River might've said that the rotgut coffee in the mess was enough to keep her awake, but he needed to watch over her himself.

She and Kara were sitting side by side in the bridge, not saying anything. It seemed a comfortable enough picture, but he strolled in anyway. He rubbed River's shoulders, and she looked up at him with a soft smile on her face. Jayne's gut roiled slightly. What if she got hurt? What if they actually managed to kill her? Or worse, what if they all failed and the Academy got her back? What would he do without her?

_"Jiaō bĭng bì baì,"_ she murmured, reaching up to touch his hand. The arrogant army will lose the battle for sure.

Jayne remembered the proverb, but his hand tightened over her shoulder anyway. "Yeah, well, I'll believe it once I see it."

"We should contact the others," River said, turning back to the console. "It appears safe enough to attempt contact."

"Yeah? You think so?"

"They've amassed their own small fleet, and are attempting to contact more."

"You think it's a war yet?"

Jayne watched River's fingers fly over the console. He didn't know what the buttons meant, but knowing that she did was enough. "I believe that it's the end of things, that the loose ends I left will be tied up neatly."

He knew well enough that the tied up loose ends didn't always mean that things ended nicely. He kept silent, massaging her shoulders slightly. He could feel Kara's eyes on him, but didn't turn to look. The girl's pain was a palpable thing, and he didn't like dealing with that. It only reminded him of his own misery when he left Beylix the first time. The pain he felt for his sister was still some raw matter clawing at his gut when he thought about it. If anything, the pain of it was compounded by the fact that he had failed both his sister and his friend so utterly, and had in fact blamed his best friend for something he hadn't done. He was the last one to counsel someone on how to deal with pain.

It took an agonizingly long time for anyone to respond to River's signal. Jayne was almost starting to think that the others were all dead. Maybe Ferdinand and his twin brother had gotten to the others first, and had been systematically killing everyone in their path. There was certainly no other reason to kill Charles in the dining room.

Jayne had to admit, he was almost glad to see Mal's face once it came up on the console. The other man looked haggard, but the fact that he was still hale and whole was heartening. Jayne was almost beginning to think that Mal was immortal.

"All right. Tell me the bad news," Mal began.

Jayne grinned as River began to speak. Maybe things were looking up after all.

***

Kaylee resisted the impulse to visit the junk yard on Ariel. It was a place she knew, but there wasn't any Serenity to greet her at the gate. She waved the old man goodbye and slipped through the terminal gate. She wouldn't mind perhaps spending some time on Ariel with Simon, assuming it was outside of a trash heap. Her heart clenched as she thought of him. Was he all right? Was he in the hospital again? He must hate that with a passion. He hated being weak. He hated not being able to fix everything. It was the surgeon in him.

Kaylee strolled through the service entrance, dressed in the dirty overalls she had taken from the captain's ship. No one would miss it, and she had a feeling it would probably help her worm her way onto another ship that was bound for Osiris.

She looked behind her, slipping through another door. The back corridors were a maze of codes spray painted on the walls. It helped the actual space port workers know which corridors led to which gates, and which entrances they could use. Kaylee didn't know any of the proper codes, but she remembered the layout of the space port when they had first traveled to Ariel. Simon's job had kept them fed for months.

She turned the corner and stopped in her tracks. Men with long black suit jackets were showing a photo to a port worker. The backs of their bald heads were facing her, and the skin was gray and pasty looking. The hands showing the photo were covered with blue gloves.

They had traded in the leather trench coats for suit jackets. Either way, they were still pasty faced and dressed all in black.

Simon had said that River had been absolutely certain that men in black with blue-gloved hands had chased them in Ariel. Jayne had confirmed the eerie screams in the hallways, once she had gathered up the courage to ask the mercenary. Any mention of Ariel had earned strange looks and an abrupt change in topic.

Now, she was the one being chased, and she didn't like it one bit. She was so close...

She would have to get to Osiris some other way, then. She could figure it out. She had to.

Kaylee headed back out toward the busy space port. Kaylee wrapped her arms around herself and stepped through the door. She wouldn't give those men the satisfaction of running. She wouldn't show her fear. She wouldn't give them the opportunity to find her.

She knew how to hide if she had to.

***

_hollow men and hollow friends and heartless losers after the light and the life cold hearted faceless shadows in the dark please show me how it ends and how we end up and who cries and who dies..._

Simon blinked and sat up. Apparently, he had dozed off while reading a surgical journal. He had done that a lot in medical school and in his internship year. They had let him fast track it, of course. The hospital had wanted to secure his services early, and had liked what they saw in him. He wondered if his chiefs would be shocked or amused at how he was doing now.

He made his way around the ship, not sure where he was going or what he intended to do. The entire boat was run with frightening efficiency. The crew was deeply loyal to Sarah; apparently she had done the impossible and brought her entire crew through the war unscathed. Simon had to admit that it certainly was something to inspire loyalty. He also hoped she could pull it off again in this new war they were waging.

Sarah was sitting at the bridge, facing the stars. He had the sense that she wasn't really looking at them, but _through_ them. Her gaze was actually turned inward.

"She wasn't the only one lost," Sarah said softly as Simon approached.

"What?"

"The children all fell to the lies one by one, drawn to the Pied Piper."

Simon saw the large glass of alcohol in her hand and stopped wondering. He sat down beside her, in her first officer's chair. "How many?"

"My own family was caught in their web. I think I always knew."

Simon's heart clenched at the bleak sound of her voice. "That's why you're doing this. So you can find out what happened."

Sarah didn't turn from the stars or acknowledge his statements. "In the Navy, you handle the boats. You bring in all of the artillery and the reserves, the battles out in space. You make sure the blockade is done right. You don't worry about the poor souls on the ground, because that's Army. They can handle themselves."

He didn't want to guess at who she lost. He figured he would probably be wrong.

"It's all right. The old, empty lies have grown comfortable. It's like a blanket worn almost through. You know you need a new one, but you can't seem to throw it away." Now, Sarah turned to Simon, and he could see that her eyes were bloodshot. "I can't seem to remember how I used to lie to myself. I used to do it so well."

"Sometimes you grow up," Simon murmured. "Sometimes they're not good enough anymore."

Her laughter was bitter. It was the sound of someone with nothing left to lose. When he had decided to throw away his career for his sister, he had sounded like that. It hurt his heart to hear it, and Simon reached out to touch his arm.

She reacted as if burned. "It doesn't matter. It never mattered. We loved him more than enough in absentia. We could almost pretend the lies they fed us were true."

The acid in Simon's stomach churned uncomfortably. "Who did they take?"

"It doesn't matter. He doesn't belong to us anymore. He's nothing but an entry in our family Bible, a blank entry now. I know how it goes."

This was why she knew about the seal on the plasfilm. This was why she was so eager to fight with them. This was why she knew more than enough about the different levels of security, even if she wasn't technically in Intelligence. Simon wanted to throttle someone. The Academy couldn't go down fast enough.

"It's the honorable thing," Sarah said after a large gulp of her alcohol. Simon could smell it, though he couldn't place what she was drinking. "Loyalty and faith and trust, bound up and wound up, and they look you in the eye and lie."

"They take the best and brightest," Simon replied.

She turned to look at him with her bloodshot eyes. "Yes, they do. They always do."

_Who did they take?_ he wanted to ask. But it didn't matter. Father, brother, sister, mother, child... It didn't matter. Family was still family, and the hurt would never ease until she did something to assuage her guilty conscience. It didn't matter what she had told herself before to make it easier to take. Now that she knew the truth, she couldn't hide it any longer. She couldn't turn a blind eye and let it happen.

Simon didn't think that General Chang knew about this. If River hadn't been taken, he didn't think he would have been able to see it, either.

She moved like a somnambulist, as if treading water. She had done it before, too, but no one else seemed to notice it then. Nobody knew what to look for. Nobody knew they had to notice it, but now Simon couldn't avoid noticing. Her movements were slow and sluggish, and Sarah didn't seem to see him anymore. Her gaze had turned inward again.

"Tell me," he said voice soft. "I can tell you about the sister I lost and the sister I got back. Maybe we can figure out who you'll get back."

Sarah's gaze snapped back into focus. "No. You had hope, since she was going to be high ranking. She scored too highly to be anything else." Simon's mouth fell open, and he wondered just how much Intel Sarah had been associated with in her prime. "No, mine wasn't as high scoring. He had his one area of expertise, and it wasn't for fighting use. He was their puppet, their toy. They'll never let him go. They'll kill him, first."

Simon didn't know what to say. _Young. He must still be very young, if he's still there and not out in the field. A grandson,_ Simon realized, stomach clenching in dread. Sarah would break apart on impact if she saw him.

"If we get there fast enough, they won't."

Her eyes were bleak pools of darkness. "Don't bet your life."

Simon didn't know what to say. Her gloom was infectious.

***

_"Yĭ dú gōng dú,"_ she whispered, bent over the strange concoction on the workbench. It just needed to sit for another few hours. Fight poison with poison.

The man in front of her was bound and gagged, eyes wide with fright. He had already struggled against his bonds, but they hadn't given way. His wrists were rubbed raw by the steel-reinforced rope. He tried to scream, but the gag swallowed up the syllables.

"You made me," she said, eyes large and falsely innocent. "Why aren't you proud of what you've made? Aren't you a proud parent to your creation?"

He made some kind of incoherent noise that might have been a word.

"Open up your heart. What do you see? Can you find me there?" she asked, voice lilting and musical. Her eyes were closed, but he knew that she was inhumanly aware of everything in the dark, little room.

He didn't answer.

Her eyes snapped open. "I know why they took her. I know why they want her back. They've woven their pattern and want to see the whole of it."

He remained stubbornly silent.

"Did you enjoy your last sunset?" she asked, voice sweet and lilting again. He was nervous, but tried his best not to show it. "Oh, I think you did. It's changing the way I kill, the way I feel. Did you know that? This poison in my mind, the dirt in my veins... It's all different from what you planned, isn't it?"

The fear crawled up his spine. This wasn't what he had planned at all.

"I think my dear blood cousin should be next, don't you? Don't you think I should add those abilities to my collective? Don't you think I should continue to the next phase of evolution? I should have all of those abilities."

He made a pleading noise, some incoherent sound that might have been words.

"I wish you knew how I feel. Every day is an ordeal, this tightening of this skin, the feel of the pressure behind my eyes. Did you know that?" He shook his head desperately, the weight of her eyes pressing into his mind. "You should name me. You created me, even if you didn't intend on doing such a thing. You should give me a name."

He made another pleading noise. _Don't do this._

"You should name me before you die."

_Hail, Mary, full of grace..._ No, he couldn't remember that prayer. Was it even appropriate for times like this? _Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name..._ He couldn't remember any more of that prayer, either.

She moved with catlike grace. She was inhuman, eerie and frightening to behold. He had wrought this, even if he hadn't meant to. He had done this.

"Come now, Doctor. Surely everyone would like to name the creation they had made. Especially if they would change the course of history." Her smile was sharp and full of teeth. It was the smile of death he was looking at. He knew this now with absolute certainty.

There was the jangle of his keys in her pocket as she stood. The door was locked tight, the light was dim and the walls were soundproof. She had picked the right room for a task like this, because no one knew it was here but him. The rolls of film on the walls behind her were all done and ready to print, but now he would never do it.

"They were beautiful girls," she whispered, the sound like a razor across his eardrums. "They were so beautiful, ripe for picking. You knew that. You liked the way they looked in the chairs, the sound of your name on their lips. You could dream and night, the feel of their skin beneath your fingers. You could dream of them, their open mouths and taut skin. You could imagine yourself in their eyes. Couldn't you?"

He whimpered. It had been an innocent hobby. He hadn't touched them, hadn't molested them, hadn't hurt them. He hadn't done anything other than look. There were others much worse than him, the ones that touched and did more than look. He had revered them, the perfect girls he was creating from their imperfect molds. He was making them more than they were, and the before and after shots had been his only comfort.

Her smile was like poison, her teeth sharp like knives. Her eyes glittered darkly within their sockets, chips of flecked mica. Her hair hung down in curls around her face, deceptively innocent and sweet. She could suck in the hardest heart and shred it to ribbons. He hadn't meant for this to happen at all.

"Don't you enjoy looking at your creation, Doctor? Isn't this the next phase in evolution? Isn't this the end result you were working toward?"

Yes, but no. No, no, no.

The design had gotten corrupted somehow. There was something wrong with the system. If he could just study what happened, figure out how it was done, he could find a way to reverse it and get the personalities all separate again. If he could figure out how to selectively merge pieces together, bend and shape the parts into a cohesive whole...

No, no, no. It was much too late for that now.

"Don't you dream of something like me? Isn't this the point?"

No, it couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

Her voice was spiraling up into hysteria. "Aren't I what you wanted to make? Isn't this the way it was supposed to be?"

No, he wanted to say. No, it wasn't. He hadn't planned for this at all.

"Aren't I something to break your heart?" she asked, voice dropping down into a soft whisper.

The wild mood swings were scaring him more than anything else. The rational part of his mind was cataloguing everything, weighing and measuring and observing. Affective lability, extremes in thought, overvalued ideas bordering into delusional content, paranoia, psychomotor agitation to match the emotional agitation, tangentiality and loosening of associations. He had difficulty remaining on her thread of reasoning.

He had known logically that a lot of the girls had episodes of psychosis. It was quite another to see it first hand. It was frightening.

"What's my name, Doctor?" she whispered, crouching down next to his bound form. "If you're my Doctor Frankenstein, I'm your monster. You need to name me, Father. You need to give me a name and make me whole again."

_I can't do that,_ he thought, heart stopping. He couldn't even breathe. _I can't do that, and she's going to kill me._

"Come now, you're a smart man. You know what to call me."

Her form loomed over his, blocking out the feeble light in the dark room. She was like something out of a nightmare, the dark forms creeping out of the corners of his eyes. She was a nightmare made manifest, the monstrous perversion of his goals.

She touched his face, her fingers cold as ice. She was hunkered down next to him, her smile softening somewhat. "I can't help but be as you made me, Doctor. Whatever you meant to do, this is what's happened. This is what I've become." He shivered beneath her touch. "Aren't you proud of your creation? It's worked so well."

He closed his eyes, unable to bear the expression on her face. If he died, so be it. He hadn't meant for any of this to happen, really. He hadn't. Not ever. His goals had been pure, and he had never wanted anyone to get hurt.

Her hands moved to his chest. He couldn't breathe. "It's time to give me a name, Doctor," she crooned. Her hands dipped down lower, and his mind short-circuited. It was too difficult to think, let alone give anyone a proper name.

He could hear her breath next to his ear. "Tell me," she whispered, almost desperate.

Not knowing what else to do, he did.

***  
***


	40. You Can't See My Eyes

"I kept your world afloat, always remember that. Don't wish for answers if you're not ready to hear them. Don't wish for more than you can handle. Don't wish for resolution if you're not ready for the path to it. And always remember that whatever you wish for, you will have to deal with the consequences."

Kaylee looked at the strange girl in front of her, not sure what to say. This whole thing had happened so quickly, and she didn't know what to do.

"You never left me," the girl went on to say. "You only think you did."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know," she said agreeably, nodding. She cocked her head to the side and eyed Kaylee for a long moment. She had soft, curling black hair and catlike green eyes with gold flecks in them. Kaylee knew she had never met this girl before. "But you've never really traveled anywhere, you know. You keep trying to run back here, but you've never left."

"What are you talking about?"

"I like hiding in plain sight, don't you? A purloined letter to be found only if your wits are sharp enough to see the obvious."

"I don't understand," Kaylee said, keeping the whine from her voice. She had no idea how they came to be sitting at the café anyway.

"Is this dream the life you've been searching for? Is this the status you were hoping to receive?" the girl said, her voice soft and like a whisper.

This was no dream. There was the scent of the garlic on the bread, the salad dressing and the feel of the fork in her hand. The seat was cold and hard beneath her bottom, and the boots were solid on her feet. There was the faraway chatter of other people in the café, and the solicitous waiter was making his rounds.

"This isn't a dream," Kaylee insisted.

The girl seemed almost disappointed. "All right, then. All right." She replaced her napkin at the side of her plate, which was untouched. Kaylee resisted the urge to spear the tomato from her garden salad. It even had a smear of tasty honey mustard dressing.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, instead. "Why do you keep insisting that there's something here I don't see?"

"Because there is."

The paint peeled from the walls of the café, and the other people that had been talking were nothing more than mannequins and skeletons. Kaylee stood up in shock, knocking her chair over with a clatter. Her salad was nothing more than moss and maggots, the dressing a smear of thick, clotted blood. The water in her glass was stained brown, with flecks of iron in it. The table itself was rusted wrought iron.

The only thing unchanged was the girl in front of her. She remained in the same place, that soft, sad smile still on her face.

"Why?" Kaylee asked, her voice a confused whisper.

"Because they asked me to, and I can be cruel if I wish."

"But... I don't even know you."

"Yes, but _I_ know _you._ And I like what I know, at least. You're lucky in that respect, though you may not realize it."

Kaylee blinked, not sure what to say.

"I loved someone once, too," the girl with the catlike eyes said, voice soft and sad.

"Is that why you're telling me this?"

"No. That's how they caught me. The others don't remember their former lives. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe if I believed they were my real family, this would all be easier."

The café looked like a café again. Kaylee didn't trust it anymore, but she sat back down across from the strange girl. "When did it happen?"

"It doesn't matter now. Maybe it's why Algie was so appealing. He reminded me of my dead boy." She smiled at Kaylee as if her heart was breaking. "But he's dead, now, too. So I don't know if I have a reason to do all this anymore."

"What happened?" Kaylee asked in hushed tones.

"He was too slow. He wanted to reason and cajole, and he was too slow."

Kaylee had the sense that asking for more detail would be a bad idea. She simply sat there in silence, not sure what to say.

"So now what do we do? Both my men are dead, and yours is still alive. Yours is willing to go to the ends of the 'verse for you, to shake the foundations of this very organization."

Kaylee felt a small _frisson_ of fear. "So now what?"

"So now what, indeed. I don't know." Kaylee watched the girl sip at her tea delicately. "I just don't know. What's my reason to keep you? Why should I care about the covenant anymore? It's all gone down in flames, nothing but ashes left."

"What was he like? Would I have known him?"

Her smile was bitter. "He took you and brought you here to me. Oh, it was Ferdinand's order, but Algie was the one to execute it."

"Did he want me dead?" Kaylee asked in a small voice, almost afraid of the answer.

She laughed, a high barking sound. "Oh, God, no. If anything, I was supposed to keep you safe and occupied until his return. He was going to bring you back to your fiancé."

"So will you do that now?"

"Ah, but he's moved. He's gone now, no longer on Osiris. I can take you to his parents. His mother and father are still there, in hiding. They think they can hide from us, that we don't know what they do or say. The fiction is nicer than truth."

"Would you do that?" Kaylee asked, hopeful.

"Maybe," the girl said thoughtfully. "But I don't know. I really don't. If they do what I think they're going to do, this is really the safest place for you. I'm nowhere near where the action is going to be."

"I need to be with Simon," Kaylee insisted.

The girl looked at her sadly. "You do, don't you?"

"Yes. I need to be there with him. I need to see him."

"What if it hurts? What if you find him too late?"

Kaylee shook her head. "At least I'll have seen him. I'll know. It's better than waiting and worrying about him."

"I'll think about it," the girl said, rising from her chair.

Kaylee saw that now they were both seated in comfortable armchairs near a fire. She stood as well. "Wait. What's your name?"

Startled for a moment, the girl thought about the question. "They call me Annabelle," she said finally. "I can't remember if that's my real name or not."

"I'm Kaylee," she replied, sticking her hand out abruptly to have Annabelle shake it. "My real name's Kaywinnet, though. You can call me either."

Annabelle's smile was sad. "I've been calling you the future Mrs. Tam," she said, shaking Kaylee's hand almost reluctantly. "Kaylee's pretty."

"Thanks. So's Annabelle."

"I'll get back to you, Kaylee," Annabelle said, abruptly dropping Kaylee's hand. "You can stay here until I figure out what to do."

"No mirror people or pasty-faced men with blue hands?"

"Not in this room, I promise. It's a safe place. I stay here all the time."

Kaylee thought that comment told her a lot about how Annabelle lived, but she merely nodded in silence. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. I haven't decided anything."

"But you're giving me a chance. Isn't that more than what other people would do?"

That stopped her short, and she blinked her catlike eyes. "Yes, I suppose it is," she conceded. "I don't know how long I'll be."

"Take your time," Kaylee said with a wry smile. "Something like this, I'd rather you come to a decision and do it right."

Annabelle nodded, then vanished. Kaylee sank down into one of the chairs, sinking slightly. It really was a comfortable chair.

Feeling somewhat safe, she slept.

***

"This isn't going to work."

"Thank you, Mr. Sunshine," Viola said, teasing her uncle. She held the card in hand and focused on the house she was making with them. It was just missing the roof, which she was determined to place. "I think I can get it."

"No, I mean this distracting me won't work."

"I think I've done a splendid job so far. The meet up point isn't that far away."

"I got a bad feeling about this."

Viola shrugged, and then carefully placed the card on top of the house. "There we go. All done now. How does it look?"

"Lopsided," Jayne replied, not looking at it at all. He was facing the bridge.

"Oh, pooh. You make better, then."

Now, he turned to look at her, at the spunky grin on her face. Damn, if she didn't look just like Tina had when challenging him to climb a tree faster than he could. And damn if she hadn't won every single time, too.

"All right then. Got coin to bet on it?"

"I'm a _Hunter,"_ Viola replied with all the hauteur she could muster. "Of course I do."

"In that case, you're on."

It proved a welcome distraction. They built speed houses from the cards, ignoring the other two teens as they passed in and out of the narrow rec room. The next thing Jayne knew, River's voice was coming over the intercom. "We have made contact."

The proximity alarm went off, and Jayne accidently knocked over his house of cards as he jumped to attention. His hand went to his gun, just in case.

"It is friendly," River's voice continued, unperturbed. "The _Bì Xuè_ is sympathetic to our cause, and is the lead ship in the fleet they had amassed."

"I think that means you don't have to have your gun in hand," Viola said wryly, looking at her uncle. He laughed a little self-deprecatingly with her, and took his hand away from his gun. They both went up to the bridge, where Victoria and Kara were already waiting.

The _Bì Xuè_ was a fairly large ship, much larger than the tiny firefly-class ship that Mal had commanded. On the console was the face of an elderly Asian man. He seemed agreeable enough at first glance. "I am General Julian Chang, commander of the _Bì Xuè._ I must say, it is a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss Tam. I have heard much about you. We would like to have you dock and come aboard."

"We will need to have this ship destroyed," River said, interrupting what Jayne was about to say in anger. "And my name has changed, by the way, General. We will explain in further detail once we have come aboard."

"Ah. I'm sure there's a tale to that," the general replied with a smile. "Very well. This can all be arranged without any difficulty. I look forward to meeting all of you."

Once the connection was broken, River looked at Jayne, placing her hand on his arm. "There is no need to yell at him. The man is unaware of the change. We will simply inform him."

"Huh," Jayne said. He shrugged, smiling at her. "It weren't nothin'."

She smiled at him knowingly as the other teens all snickered. "Of course not. Let's go."

The transfer was easy enough once the tiny ship was docked. There was a meeting in the conference room with Mal, Zoe, General Chang and his chief advisor, Troy Campbell. Jayne never thought he'd be glad to see Mal's dour face and Zoe's implacable one, but there it was. He was glad they weren't dead, and the psychopathic monster after them hadn't killed them. He was glad he wasn't alone in this, and that there was a force with them. Taking down people like Ferdinand wouldn't be easy, and Jayne didn't want to contemplate a solo mission.

"So, is our Albatross married off yet?" Mal asked. Zoe shot him a sour look. "What?"

River smiled. "My name is now Mrs. Cobb," she said sweetly.

"Felicitations," Julian replied. "Tea?"

"Yes, thank you," she replied. Jayne and the twins nodded. Kara shook her head.

Troy served the tea. He was a tall and thin man with very short blonde hair and limpid blue eyes that missed nothing. Kara could feel a shiver work its way down her spine. The man seemed much too young to be an elderly man's chief advisor. She had the feeling that his role was very, very different. Something about him set her teeth on edge, and it wasn't the fact that he was handsome. She had seen handsome men before. That was a minor point. The twins seemed absolutely enamored with him, and River ignored him completely. Why did it seem as if she was the only one noticing him?

Kara noticed that while River and Jayne accepted the tea, they didn't drink it. The twins didn't notice that, and sipped at it right away. Troy smiled at Kara, which did nothing to settle her nerves. Kara bit her tongue to keep from speaking or snapping at the man. Showing off her paranoia would get them all nowhere.

"So where's your brother, Jayne?" Mal asked, not noticing anything. Zoe rolled her eyes at Mal's bluntness, but kept silent as always.

"Mattie was already affianced," River said as Jayne shrugged. She could feel his discomfort roll off him in waves. By unspoken agreement, she was going to do the speaking. He would likely shout something they would all regret. "So he was unavailable as a choice to become my new next of kin."

"So who'd you marry?" Mal continued on, still not getting it. Zoe repressed the urge to smack her forehead. It was obvious by Jayne's rising temper exactly who River had married, though Mal never did get hints like that right away.

"Me," Jayne finally said, not able to take River's silence. "None o' my cousins was good enough to understand this, and they wouldn't ever be able to face down that creep. So I stepped up, and River an' I got married."

Mal's jaw fell open. Zoe finally allowed herself a smile. Julian nodded at them placidly and drank his tea. The twins giggled, and Kara remained stoic. She noted that Troy did as well.

"I... Albatross? This true?"

"But of course. I would not allow anything different." Mal goggled at the statement, and Zoe's smile widened. River looked at each of their faces in turn, a frown forming. "Is this difficult for you to understand?"

"This... This is new," he finally ground out. "Simon don't know yet, does he?"

"No. This was the first communication we have made," River replied easily. "Now that the Specialist's vehicle is destroyed, it might be safe to contact him."

"Oh, I gotta be there when you tell him," Mal said with a huge grin. "I'd pay to see that one." He laughed outright at Jayne's glower, and slapped the table. "I guess drinks are in order, then. Our Albatross and merc all married. Look at that."

Troy slipped from his seat and went to the side bar to pour drinks from the decanter. Kara's implacable mask slipped slightly, and her hands in her lap tightened. It looked like whiskey, and she knew how that smelled and tasted. Now, though, it reminded her of her father.

In a moment of amazing perspicacity, Victoria slipped her hand under the table and linked it through Kara's. "It'll be okay," she whispered. Kara looked at her and blinked rapidly before looking away. She squeezed Victoria's hand back and remained silent.

Julian missed none of it. "I believe there is likely a story that needs telling. We have all the time you need."

"This is a long one, then," River said. She nodded at Troy, but didn't touch the alcohol. Other than Mal and Zoe, none of them did. Most of the glasses remained untouched on the table, and Kara thought she was going to be sick. Victoria's presence was the one thing that kept her rooted in her seat. She could feel Viola's concern as well, but ignored both twins. They didn't know how she felt, since they hadn't seen their father die. Their father figure was simply in jail for a past murder. That was a different story, and one that didn't carry the same kind of impact. Kara didn't begrudge them that as she listened to River tell the story. Her mind skipped over the long words and the roundabout way of introducing family members. When River began to talk about the reunion, Kara's stomach roiled. As River approached the fateful dinner, Kara couldn't take it anymore. She yanked her hand from Victoria's grip and ran from the room. She heard someone follow her, probably one of the twins, and stopped in the hallway. She leaned against the wall, trying to keep her breathing even.

"Miss? Are you all right?"

Dammit. It was Troy.

"I'll be fine," Kara lied. "I'm just not feelin' so good, is all."

"If you're sure."

"Sure."

He reluctantly went back into the conference room. Kara took large gulping breaths as she struggled to calm herself. Nobody would need to mention her father, right? Nobody would care about her father, right? It didn't matter. She wasn't even really supposed to be here. It wasn't her fight, really. Her father was nothing but a statistic.

No, that wasn't right. He was a drunk, he was stupid, he was crass. But he was still her father, and he had been her only parent left in the world. Now, all she had was Horace back on Beylix, and this churning in her gut that didn't seem like it was ever going to go away.

Damn it all, somebody had to pay for that.

Did that make her a bad person? Did it make her just as bad as the one that killed her father? Or as bad as the ones that took away little girls and trained them to be killers? Kara didn't think so, but now she wasn't so sure. What if this was the way it started? That killer was once a little boy that played with blocks and trucks and his parents. He didn't always want to kill people for fun, surely. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep from thinking.

People began to file out of the conference room. River was the first by her side. "Let's get you situated somewhere safe, Kara."

Kara looked at her with bleary eyes. "What?"

"You can lie down and grieve in private," she said softly. Kara flinched at River's touch along her arm. "No one needs to see your pain."

"I'm fine," Kara said stubbornly.

River nodded. "Of course. But you should not have prying eyes observe you right now. You deserve silence and peace."

"Yeah, I guess," Kara said, heaving a sigh. "Do I gotta share a room again?"

"I think we can support a single room. I didn't ask the General specifically, but I'm sure if we tell him something appropriate, he will capitulate."

"I don't get it," Kara said. She was almost ashamed to hear a whine in her voice.

Jayne and the twins fell into step around her as they moved down a hallway. "You should rest," River said in a louder voice. "It's been a long journey, and it has been most difficult. Why don't you sleep, and we'll let you have some quiet? We can reside elsewhere."

"An excellent suggestion," Julian said, nodding. "We have plenty of empty rooms."

Kara let them bundle her up into a small room. She couldn't help but notice that it was larger than her bedroom in Yarbrook. The furniture was nicer, too, even if it was bolted to the floor to keep it from moving during turbulence. She stripped down to her underwear once everyone was gone and slipped beneath the sheets. They were cool, and didn't scratch as much as her blankets did back at home.

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

River fielded their questions easily enough, and had the twins assigned to a room that was next to Kara's. The room she would share with Jayne was just down the hall. Mal eyed her strangely at requesting the shared room, and then looked at Jayne. "This is real, ain't it?" he asked once Troy and Julian were out of earshot.

"And don't you forget it," Jayne growled after nodding.

"What changed?" he asked, curious.

Since Mal didn't seem ready to shoot him where he stood, Jayne relaxed his stance. "I dunno. I just got to know her, I guess. She makes sense if you listen."

Mal blinked. "You speak Crazy now?"

"It ain't crazy talk. It's just... You got to know what she was talking about before, and it makes sense. Not sense like you'd make, but it does make sense."

Mal crossed his arms over his chest when he saw River pausing at the threshold to the room they were going to share. "So you're sharin' a room and all."

"She makes _sense,"_ Jayne said stubbornly. "She ain't dumb and she ain't that soft in the head that she don't know what's goin' on. I got a chance to talk to her, is all. And everything's all right. It's not like she's that scary after all."

Mal blinked at him in surprise. "Not scary? After you tried to turn 'em in 'cause they scared you so much?"

"I didn't know, is all," Jayne replied uncomfortably. He didn't fidget, though it was tempting to do so. "I didn't know they cut into her brain. I didn't know they did all stuff to torture her, or that stuff on that planet." He shrugged. "Ain't none of it her fault."

"So you talked," Mal said, obviously not believing it.

"Yeah, well, it took a while to get to Ma's, so there wasn't much else to do," Jayne said, almost defensively. "Look, I don't gotta defend nothing. She's my wife now, and it's my job to make sure she stays that way. I'm the one that gotta make sure she don't get taken back to that place. You don't know what that guy looked like, Mal. He laughed when he got shot up. He called it a game, and he stabbed my cousin like it were nothing. He was like a Reaver without no gear on his face or cut up. We ain't never gone up against somebody like that."

At the mention of Reavers, Mal had stilled. "That's what the Specialists are like?" He thought again of Steven's reaction and Regan's comments.

"Yeah. Just so's you know." Jayne turned and watched as River slowly entered their room. "I'm gonna go now. It's been rough, ya know? I left my Ma there to clean up the mess." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "She ain't never was supposed to see what I do like that."

"Sometimes you can't help it," Mal said sympathetically. If he had a mother to protect like that, he would have no doubt reacted the same way.

"I guess so," Jayne said glumly. "Catch you later."

Mal watched Jayne walk to his room. It surprised him how much Jayne seemed to care about River, and it surprised him how he truly didn't care about the match. She seemed to like being married to Jayne. In the grand scheme of things, it had never really mattered who River married, as long as she got married.

He wished them both well. The girl deserved some happiness, and Mal was beginning to think that there was much more to Jayne than he knew. Maybe Jayne deserved some happiness as well.

***  
***


	41. Naming Names

Simon felt sick to his stomach, as if he had eaten something foul. It very likely had to do with what he had discovered about Sarah and her family history. He had gone to the computers afterward to look up her record. It was spotless, of course. He could read between the lines now, however, and he saw the opportunity for Intel runs among her Navy work. Her family was not involved in the military, but that didn't matter to the Alliance. Everyone was fair game, and nothing was sacred.

As with any chess set, the pieces must be placed properly on the board before the game can be played. It was hard to learn the proper lessons without some kind of introduction, but the past year had been more than enough of an introduction for Simon. He knew what he was looking for, and began to look up the others that General Julian Chang had found to help.

Everyone had secrets. Sometimes you had to have a secret of your own in order to see into the souls of others. It was just a question of reading between the lines.

Inara had given him a questioning look when she saw how engrossed he was with the computer system. That had never been his style before. He invented busywork in his Infirmary, and never really thought of databases as anything useful.

Sometimes you had to suffer in order to appreciate control. Sometimes you had to die a little in order to truly live.

Simon had certainly learned all of this the hard way.

Kaylee was a presence at the back of his mind, her impish grin almost taunting him. _Find me,_ his memories seemed to say. _How else will you be worthy?_

"Incoming message for you," an officer said, coming into the computer room. "Should I route it in here?"

"Sure," Simon said, nodding. He couldn't remember the officer's name or rank, but he was the one that had been assigned to be Simon's assistant. Maybe his doctor's mask wasn't so far gone, after all.

"Right away, sir."

The screen filled up with his sister's face. Simon's jaw dropped. _"Mei mei?_ Is that really you?" He laughed as she stuck her tongue out at him.

"But of course! I am well, and it is safe for communications to commence. The General was kind enough to supply the wave code for the vessel you are traveling on."

"I'm glad you're all right. Are you sure it's safe? We were on our way to get you...."

"A new meeting point has been established. We are planning to move against the Academy with full force, and it will be best to pool our resources about the facilities. I was there for two years, after all, and it is a fortress more than a school."

"Who did you wind up marrying? Is it some awful Cobb?" Simon asked.

"Not an awful one, but a Cobb nonetheless," River hedged, inclining her head. "I am indeed called Mrs. Cobb now."

"Are you sure you're all right? No one forced you to do anything?"

"If you are meaning marital relations, then no. Nothing has been forced." She made a face at her brother. "As if anyone could force me to do something I didn't wish to do. I doubt you want any of the details, and I wouldn't give them to you if you asked."

"I don't think I want to know," Simon said, shaking his head. "Was it awful?"

"What?"

"The ceremony? They're practically heathen."

"I have married one that suits me best," River replied with a shrug. "I am agnostic myself."

"I didn't mean it that way..."

"And Jayne is more than capable of handling me when necessary."

_**"JAYNE?!"**_ Simon boomed. His personal guard and secretary came scurrying in at the sound of Simon's voice, but Simon ignored him. "What?! That _chou ba guai fèi rén?!_ River, what on earth were you thinking?"

River's lips had hardened into a thin line during Simon's outburst. "I was thinking I would bind myself to one more open minded and worthy of me than you."

Flabbergasted, Simon stared at the blank screen in shock. "She hung up on me," he whispered, stunned. He looked up at his aide, suddenly remembering that the man's name was Jeremy Leopold and his rank was Lieutenant. "She hung up on me."

"Of course she did," Jeremy said agreeably, nodding. "You just insulted her husband."

"But the man's an idiot! A loser! A good-for-nothing no-better-than-an-ape _hun dan!_ I can't just accept that!"

Jeremy sighed. "You're going to have to, sir. She's your sister, and she's a married woman now. I do believe that means you don't get to make decisions for her."

"But she's my _sister!"_

"Yes. And she's grown now. She had a very good idea to hang up on you. I suspect you will be upset for a while. I'll inform the General that your sister has contacted you. That is likely a good sign for the campaign."

Sputtering, Simon watched Jeremy leave the room.

Today was not a good day after all.

***

_"Zhen daomei!_ I told you not to tell him."

River looked over at Jayne, who had done an amazing job of remaining silent during her wave conversation. "But now he knows."

"And he hates me even more now, I'm sure," Jayne groused. "The next time I need a bullet wound repaired, he'll kill me."

"Not if he expects me to let him live in peace," River promised. She reached over and tousled his hair playfully. "I am a demon if I wish to be."

Jayne laughed, pulling her into his lap. "C'mon, _wenshén,_ I'm sure you can do more damage to me."

River wound her arms around Jayne and giggled. "Maybe."

"Huh. Let's do something your brother was certainly gonna disapprove of."

"I can read minds, you know," River warned.

"I know."

"And what you're thinking of requires much dexterity and flexibility."

"Good thing you got 'em both."

"And a healthy curiosity to try all the dozen different things you're thinking of."

"Really?" Jayne grinned. "Aren't I a lucky _hundan?"_

"Most certainly," River agreed, pushing Jayne onto his back. "Shall I show you how lucky?"

Jayne's grin grew wider. "Show away."

How did he ever manage to make her love him? He didn't know, but he certainly wasn't going to do anything to screw that up.

***

"This is most definitely a _tóng chuáng yì mèng," _the old man said, smiling at the girl in front of him. "I don't normally work with girls like you."

The girl in question sipped her tea and smiled at the man. "Of course not. But if your work has been stolen, that would be most distressing."

"It was a simple equation," he said, turning back to the blackboard behind him. He had been surprised to see the girl at his office, and was more surprised that she had understood the complicated questions he was dealing with.

"Yes, but they had corrupted your purpose," the girl insisted.

"Humph. Children have no purpose but their own fulfillment," the old man groused. "My son dies, and my grandson rises to take his place. Does the boy seek to visit an old man? Of course not. He's too busy running an empire in my place."

"I wish to correct the mistake."

"So you have said, and so I have accepted. But why? I don't understand why you would want to do this. Little girls don't work in my field."

_Yes, they do,_ she thought acidly, rising to her feet. She cleared the table in silence, which discomfited the old man.

"Why?" he repeated desperately. "Tell me why you're doing this."

"He is not my blood relation. He is not my Uncle or Father, yet he would wish to be called this by all of us. He tears families apart for his own ends. This is reason enough."

"But it's not your reason."

The girl carefully placed the dirty cups and teapot into the sink. She could feel the old man's eyes on her back, almost like a weight against her spine. She didn't mind it at all, and nearly hummed as he fidgeted in his seat. It was almost too easy to manipulate him, but it was something that still had to be done. He wasn't fully in sync with her plans yet.

"Let's just say that the man you think of as your grandson isn't worthy of the name. He is not great enough or wise enough to carry your name."

"Humph," the old man groused, settling himself back into his seat. "This is true. My son was a much better man, Buddha bless him."

"Of course," the girl replied. She sat down across the old man again. "I want the truth of your formulae to remain pure and true. He has corrupted them."

"Does this family truly exist? The one from my calculations?"

"Yes, but only because he forced it into existence. These individuals would not have carried those traits otherwise."

The old man looked perturbed. "That isn't right."

"No, it's not. I wish to correct it."

The old man reached out and touched the girl's hand. "What was your name again?"

"Corrine," she said with a gentle smile. "My true father named me."

"These children must be trained, Corrine," the old man said suddenly. "This extended family he had created must be terrified of their gifts."

"Of course," she replied, patting his hand. The skin was like parchment paper, the veins like ropes. He carried the weight of his age and his conscience. One more push... "I have a favor to ask of you," Corrine continued.

"Anything," the old man murmured gratefully.

She smiled, her grin like a shark's. "I thank you in advance."

The old man didn't have time to scream.

***

"We have the coordinates for a good meeting place," Julian told Mal. "I've spoken with Sarah and Thomas about it. Steven didn't want to discuss anything, and said he would go to wherever the rest of us picked."

"So what'd you pick?" Mal asked.

"Shadow."

Mal felt his blood run cold. "There ain't nothing left out there."

"I know. But there is also no Alliance presence there any longer. It's a dead planet as far as the Alliance is concerned, but it's also still on the Nav maps and is in a safe part of the system. It is also close enough to our current position."

"The ground's not fit to land on."

"We're not landing."

"And why not?"

"We are conferencing," Julian explained patiently. Mal tried not to chafe under the slightly patronizing tone Julian was adopting. "My son Gregory set up the connection system, and he will be joining us soon enough. We have no need to set foot on the ground. We will simply route wave signals into a loop, so that all of our ships may converse at once. It is more efficient to share information that way."

Mal shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal, even though his stomach was roiling. "So when's the big meeting going to go down?"

"Three hours," Julian replied cheerfully, sure that any objections had been smoothed over. "We will be in the main conference room."

Mal knew a dismissal when he heard one, and this time chose to take it. He was afraid of saying something cutting that would only serve to distance Julian from their cause. He wasn't stupid enough to think he could do this on his own. "Yeah. Sure. I'll be there."

"I look forward to it."

Mal was starting to rethink his policy of trusting Julian.

***

Kaylee was shaken awake, and she jumped up with a cry. There was the girl with the catlike green eyes, staring at her as if she could see into Kaylee's dreams. Annabelle. Maybe she could, Kaylee decided after a moment's thought. Anything could happen here, it seemed, why not that as well? Annabelle was seated in the opposing wing chair, the fire adding highlights to her hair. The girl was pretty, Kaylee decided, but she carried an air of loneliness around her. Even with her two lovers dead, Kaylee could see that she hadn't been happy in a long time.

"I'm leaving the choice up to you," Annabelle said without preamble. "I've thought about it, and I really can't take that choice away from you. I'll tell you what I know, and I'll tell you what I think is safer for you. Ultimately, the choice is yours. You want to be with Simon Tam, but you should know what's going to happen if you do rejoin him."

"I would do it anyway," Kaylee declared, voice strong. She straightened up in her chair. "He needs me."

"Maybe so. But you need to know what you're getting into."

Kaylee shivered as Annabelle began to speak. Things were much worse than she and Simon had guessed when reading the tiny book that Zoe had given them. There were more intricate layers than either of them had realized, and it was frightening just how pervasive it seemed to be. She blinked back the hot tears that threatened to fall. Annabelle was right. It was safer to remain hidden away from the conflict. It was safer to stay in the little cocoon the girl had built for, to wait out the coming war.

"I can't stay here," Kaylee said finally, head bowed. "Much as I'd like to, even if it's safer here. I have to go to him. I have to be with him."

"I thought you might say that," Annabelle said, voice soft. "I'm going with you."

Kaylee's head shot up. "What?"

"There's nothing left for me here. I don't think you realize that. They're going to bring down the organization as best as they can. Half of us are gone already, and I refuse to be the one to do the jobs the others did. They've changed me, even if they didn't realize it at the time. I can't be the same kind of Specialist."

"So where are we now?" Kaylee asked after a short pause.

Annabelle smiled, and it lit up her face. "Shinon."

Kaylee goggled. "What?"

"It's a safe place. I've lived here for the past two and a half years. It's calm and peaceful in comparison to living at the Complex, and it allowed me to heal in ways I never would have if I had stayed behind." Annabelle shrugged. "I think at that point, they were willing to do whatever it took to keep me quiet, and my staying here was fairly benign."

"What did they do to you?"

Annabelle's eyes hardened. "You don't want to know."

"But..."

Annabelle stood and looked at Kaylee. "Once you know, there is no unknowing. There is no going back in time to undo it. This is what you would have been up against if Algie hadn't brought you here."

Annabelle opened the kimono she was wearing. The soft green silk fell to the Persian carpet, exposing her bare skin. There were criss-crossing scars, burns and twisting patterns of capillaries that looked like they would grow up into varicose veins. Kaylee knew that whatever happened to her skin had been nothing in comparison to what had been done to her mind.

"So you've been hiding?" Kaylee asked.

"In training," Annabelle corrected, crossing the room. She paused at the door and turned back to Kaylee. She noted that Kaylee wasn't staring at the maps of scars across her skin, but was meeting her eyes. They had been careful to leave her face and neck unmarked, but the rest of her hadn't been so lucky. "I knew I couldn't let it happen again."

Kaylee rose from her chair. "So we're going to leave now?"

"Well, I shouldn't let you go as you are. You'll get cut to ribbons. You're more naked than I am against them."

"So what do I need to do?"

"We're going into my training room. Your mind has to be stronger than it is."

Kaylee didn't take it as an insult because it wasn't offered as one. "All right."

"And once I think you're ready, we're heading to Ariel." When Kaylee's eyes widened, Annabelle smiled. "For real this time."

***  
***


	42. Useless Chatter

Lily Fowler checked through all of her messages, going through them methodically. Secretarial work hadn't been her life's ambition, but here it was. She signed for the packages coming into the building, collated materials being sent out to prospective students, and made the coffee. The coffee was the worst; she hated being treated like the Board's servants. It was one thing if she was a coffee drinker and had some of it herself. But she hated the stuff, and couldn't stand the smell of it. Coffee made her nauseous, and she usually wound up sneezing every time she made a pot. She tried telling her bosses that she was allergic, but they merely laughed at her.

Lily sighed as the wave machine rang. "Good morning, Academy for Advanced Learning. This is Lily speaking. How may I help you?"

Silence. There wasn't anyone on the screen, either. Someone must have either a sound-only wave machine, or had put up a blackscreen.

She really didn't need this kind of crap this early in the morning. She had been in a rush, too, because she had hit the snooze button on her alarm clock once too many times. It was soul deadening work to be a secretary, and there was no respect given for the skills she applied to the job. Nobody cared about what it took to sound perpetually perky on the phones, or dealing with irate and irritable people. She usually took the initial brunt of angry parents calling to find out why their children hadn't written to them in months. _Because they're too busy to be coddled by you,_ she wanted to say. _You're sending children to learn things even adults don't know, so give them some slack!_

But instead of speaking her mind, Lily always grit her teeth and made some placating noises before forwarding the calls to the dorms. Let the spoiled parents get let down on their own time. Kids usually knew better than to feed into parental hysteria.

The silence on the other end of the line was new, though.

"Good morning. Is anyone there?"

Silence.

Normally, Lily would just hang up and be done with it. She didn't need this kind of thing this early in the morning. She had things to, coffee to make, excuses to spout. But this silence was crawling up her spine, and it felt as if hanging up would be a terrible idea.

The silence stretched out for at least two minutes. Finally, a rasping voice began to speak.

"Get the innocents out of there. Get the clericals and first level teachers out of there. Get the outer ring members out of there."

"Excuse me?"

"It's not safe anymore.... If you value your life, you will get them out of there."

The dead space following the wave termination was worse than the silence.

Lily shivered. She really didn't need this kind of crap this early in the morning.

Still, her gut told her to follow the directions and get them out. It was Friday; people would welcome the early end to the day. Getting the idea past her superiors would be difficult, but it was all in a day's work for a secretary.

Lily began to make some wave calls.

***

Simon wasn't feeling well at all. His once-famous constitution was well and fully dead. He couldn't stop thinking of his conversation with River, and he was feeling downright ill. He remained in his room, not wanting to talk to anyone. Inara tried knocking on his door several times, but he refused to open it. He didn't want to deal with anyone, and he didn't want their justification for River's marriage. Jayne was wholly inappropriate, no matter what River thought. She was impaired, and Jayne was simply taking advantage. There was nothing he could do about it, which only worsened his pain. He had done everything in his power to free his sister, and now it was all for nothing. She wasn't free at all.

Kaylee weighed on his mind, too. The plasfilm threats were wound around his arm, his only link to her. If they did anything...

Simon's mind shut down. He couldn't contemplate that possibility. It simply couldn't happen. If he ever found her dead, if he touched her and knew how she died, he would simply go insane. He had taken one too many hits to his psyche recently, and that would simply destroy him.

He couldn't afford further loss at this time.

There was the sound of a knock at the door. It was most likely Inara; she never left him alone for that long. "Go away!" he shouted.

The knock repeated, more insistent. Not Inara, then.

Simon turned over on the bed and pulled his pillow over his head. The knocking continued, and he continued to ignore it. He didn't want to talk to anyone, and didn't want to think of anything else. He felt ill, _gorram_ it. He didn't want to deal with anyone half-assed attempt to cheer him up. He didn't want to deal with anyone's bullshit. He had more than enough to deal with already, and it was more than he could take.

The knocking continued unceasingly. Simon pulled the pillow tight around his ears. He didn't want to deal with this. He didn't want to _think._ He was already nearly chewing a hole through his cheek and lip with worry and stress. He didn't need this now.

Simon squeezed his eyes shut. The 'verse could live without him for a while.

***

"Well, that was a waste of time," Mal groused.

Julian lifted an eyebrow. "You really think so?"

"Nothing was said. Nothing got done."

"Of course things were said and done. Our roles were clearly defined and information was shared during this meeting."

Mal snorted. He shook off Zoe's calming hand on his arm. "This is not the time for excessive talk. Nothing is changing anything. We're here in the middle of goddamn nowhere, and the Alliance is off doing their thing. They're just as fortified as they always were, and nobody said nothing 'bout how to bypass any of it. We should've been talkin' logistics and battle strategy. You are all generals and military leaders. You think some of that would've gotten done."

"It did."

Mal swore violently, and Julian lifted another eyebrow at him. "What _go se_ are you trying to sell me? We were all just there!"

Zoe pinched Mal's arm. "Let's just go, sir."

"Ow! Look, we need to get a move on this! They all know where we are, seems like. So it follows that they know who we got with us. They'll figure out soon enough where we'll be going. I don't know why you can't see that, _General."_

Julian pulled himself up to full height, which came to Mal's nose. "I trust all of us in this. None would betray our cause as you imply."

"Oh, I ain't implying nothing," Mal hissed.

Julian's nostrils flared in anger. "You dare."

"Oh, I more than dare. _Somebody_ told 'em how to find our little Albatross. _Somebody_ told 'em we're all involved. They _know._ So don't go thinking we're gonna take 'em by surprise. We lost that element a long time ago."

"I think now's the time to _go,"_ Zoe hissed. She yanked on Mal's arm, jerking him from his aggressive stance. _"Now."_

Mal allowed her to frog-march him down the hall and toward one of the common rooms.

"What?" he snapped, angry. "He's havin' us walk right smack into a trap."

"Ain't no sense in burning him, sir," Zoe hissed. "He got this army together, and he's the one interested in helping us now. So start thinking before you put your mouth in gear and the rest of us off this boat. We need him, too." Mal snorted, and Zoe fought the urge to shake him. "Look, sir. He got a trained crew, weapons, high ranking friends and he _knows_ what we're up against. This ain't no half-assed job to earn us coin for a month. This is the thing that'll kill us if we ain't careful."

Mal's jaw set. "We done it before."

Zoe's eyes hardened to flint. "And I'm down a husband for it."

Mal flinched despite himself. "Zoe..."

"Don't," Zoe snapped, voice breaking. "Don't say you're sorry. Don't say you never meant for it to happen. Don't blame the Reavers. Just... _don't."_ Her breath hitched, and Mal was eerily aware that he had never seen her grieve before. It made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

"I don't know if I can trust him anymore."

"And that's bullshit," Zoe snarled. Mal nearly took a step back from the force of it. "You trusted him well enough to get on his boat. You trusted him well enough to leave _Serenity_ behind." Mal began to shake his head, but Zoe didn't allow him to interrupt her. "No, you just don't like his methods and you don't like being shut out. But this ain't your boat, and you ain't captain. You got to take it like a man and _serve._ Get back on the line, sir, or you stop earning the right to be called that."

"I didn't know you felt that way," he replied quietly after a moment.

"Lots of things you didn't know," Zoe replied, her lips flattening. "But now you do. So what's it gonna be? 'Cause I ain't going into the Academy with just us."

"I don't know if I can deal with him anymore."

"Then don't. I'll do it for you," Zoe said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Unless you don't trust me anymore, either."

"I can't trust _this,"_ Mal said in frustration, spreading his arms. He meant the situation, and Zoe understood that well enough. "This ain't a war I deal with easy. It's lies and subterfuge and nothing but behind the scenes bullshit. This ain't a real war."

"Not every war is fought with guns," Zoe said softly. Her arms fell to her sides. "Sometimes it's with words. Sometimes with souls. Sometimes you just don't know you've lost until years after it's over. But we know about this one. They haven't swallowed us whole yet. We still got the option to fight back. And I intend to go down fighting if I got to."

"How did you get so wise?" Mal asked, voice plaintive. He allowed Zoe to pull him into a loose hug. Somehow it seemed right, even if he was the one that should have comforted her in her grief, even if she hadn't seemed to want it at the time. "How did we wind up losing so much to get to this point?"

"'Cause fate ain't fair. She gives you a taste of heaven, then snatches it away. But it gives you a sense of what you got to fight for. You know what it's like, so you know what to get back." Zoe pulled back and tried to smile. "You just gotta make sure that she don't break you in the process of taking you away from heaven."

"You broke yet, Zoe?"

"Not by a long shot, sir. I aim to kick her back for what she's done to me."

Mal nodded. "Yeah. I guess that's right. I guess that's what we gotta do."

"That's right. So if you can't talk to him anymore, I will. Because we gotta work with him, not against him. We need his help as much as he needs us."

"He don't need us that bad," Mal protested.

"Sure he does. Didn't you pay attention? He wants to know if all the Browncoats are in. He wants to know if we can use our influence to pull in more fighters. He's going to put out a call, and we can, too. If we can get another dozen ships inside a day or two..."

Mal brightened. "I can do that. I might know a few people.... It'll take coin, though."

"Didn't you hear? They have it. They have whatever we need to buy us the arms we need."

Mal's brow furrowed. "When did they say this?"

"It was between the lines. It was in all that talk about 'independent arms that may be supplied if the right resources are allocated.' They don't talk like we did, sir. They talk in circles around the point, but they do eventually get there. They just like to be polite about it so that later on nobody can blame them if it goes wrong."

"Seems stupid to me."

"Maybe so. But it still got said and it still needs to be done."

"Then it'll get done."

***

"No one told me I was going to find you. It is wholly unexpected what happened to my heart in this course of events. Why would he blame me for what had developed?"

Jayne watched River pace, her steps jerky and her hands twisting together nervously. If Simon were present on Julian's ship, he would have cheerfully throttled the man and dangled him over the hold by his ankle. "Now, baby doll..."

"It's about time that I make up my mind not to let him bother me. But I cannot help it, he is kin and he is flesh and bone. He believed where others did not. He saw what others did not. I owe him much, even as he hurts me."

Jayne grabbed River and pulled her into his lap. "Come on, you gotta let it go."

"But I cannot. His eyes cut me."

He wrapped his arms around her, and River dropped her head down to his shoulder. "Isn't that what I'm here for? To protect you?"

"I am being foolish, I know this. But I cannot help it. I never wanted his disapproval. He is my _ge ge,_ and I am his _mei mei._ I cannot help but be upset at his rejection of my choice. I can say that it does not effect me, but that's a lie. I've had enough of the perfect lies they made me tell."

Jayne rocked her, and noticed Mal and Zoe pass by the rec room without another glance. It figured. They did all kind of secretive warlike things, and left the two of them alone with the teenagers and their palpable fears. Didn't they think the girls could use a pep talk, too? If River was a trembling mess, what would they be like?

"We'll be okay, yeah? It don't matter what he thinks, only what you think."

"I have no other family left," River whispered in a tiny voice.

"Now, that ain't true. You got me, you got my kin. They all love you to pieces. Didn't my own Ma tell you so? You got a home there if you want it, anytime you get tired of flyin' around in the black." Jayne stroked River's hair. "Maybe it's time we thought about it. Maybe it's time to set our feet down someplace solid. Maybe I'm too old to keep flying in the black, and maybe you're just too tired of running."

"I'd be leaving Simon behind."

Jayne snorted. "Maybe it's time you did."

River pulled back, a scandalized expression on her face. "Oh, no."

"A man's gotta grow up enough to stand on his own two feet. If he keeps chasing on after you, he won't do what needs to be done for his own self."

She contemplated that, amazingly enough. "There is truth in what you say," she admitted finally.

"Huh. Just so. I'm a wise old man, don'tcha know?"

"Not old," River whispered. "Just wise."

Jayne grinned at her, eyes crinkling. "Sometimes I am, huh?"

"Sometimes. At others, wisdom is quite the stretch for the things you say."

"I'mma pretend that wasn't just an insult."

"See? This is not one of those times," River teased. She curled up around him again, tucking her head into the crook of his neck. "He worries me."

"Your brother? That knucklehead?"

"He fears. He worries. It may not even be me or my choices that truly bother him."

"If so, it's a piss-poor reason to go on yelling at you."

"He may not have another outlet."

"Then he should get one. Yellin' at you ain't gonna do nobody no kind of good."

River nodded against his neck, falling silent.

"Come on, now. We let Kara sleep all day, and the twins prob'ly will wanna talk. There ain't much to do around here but mope and feel stupid. Not like anybody else will make 'em feel welcome 'round these parts but us."

"You are exceedingly kind at times," River said softly. She cupped his face gently and kissed the tip of his nose. "And yet at other times there is almost a streak of cruelty within you. I believe it's more for when you believe you or yours are being threatened. That part I can see now. I did not see that before." She ducked her head so that her forehead lay against his cheek. "I did not see many things before."

"Yeah, well, neither of us knew nothing 'bout each other before. We ain't never talked much before." He stroked her hair gently. "S'okay. No harm, no foul."

River closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. It certainly described his view of the 'verse, and it spoke a lot about him. "We'll be all right."

"Sure we will."

He might have sounded confident, but they both knew that they couldn't be sure of it.

***

Corrine walked into the Training Arena and saw the Class Five students milling about after their practice run. The poor fools didn't even know that they were mere sheep, that they were training for another's purpose and not their own. They believed the lies because they didn't know any better, and because the upperclassmen hadn't yet told any of them about the true purpose of the Academy. It was useless to tell them; they wouldn't believe anything but the high minded propaganda that they had been served with.

The truth was much too terrible.

She walked through the Training Area without looking at any of the students. They were used to random officials walking through their Training Area, since it was the shortcut for many of the larger training areas and office buildings.

So sad, that the myriad students being trained to be hyperalert never noticed the oddities in their midst. So sad, the bright minds that would fall in time.

The inner circle of buildings held the higher ranking classes. They were being trained for more specialized work, the more underhanded and dirty of deals. The outer ring of students yearned for more classes, more specialization, more attention. They didn't realize that being peripheral workers for the Alliance generally meant more safety. Nobody worried about the people flying the ships or treating the engines with care. Nobody worried about the astrogation or chart plotting, the mapmaking or Cortex updating. All of these were vital positions, but didn't require the level of secrecy the inner circle students did.

What wonderful little drones they made.

Corrine passed through the various checkpoints without a fuss. She looked through the plate glass hallways, nodding in all of the right places. She had enough memories jammed within her head to know where and when to smile and nod, or where to go without making anyone suspicious. That was the last thing she needed right now.

She headed into the Records Room and quickly ducked inside. She sat at an empty terminal and quickly logged in using Sabrina's security codes. Sabrina had always been inside Records, so it wouldn't be out of place for her to be digging into the files for more information.

Corrine quickly found what she was looking for. There were Timothy Gannon's files; no one had browsed through them in the past five months. She knew that her own browsing would now be flagged, but she would be found out long after the fact. She listened to every audio file, and smiled to herself. What was the use of having a pocket statistician if no one ever paid attention to the things he said?

She took careful note of Timothy's sayings and deleted all of the files. It wouldn't do to have anyone else listening.

Corrine next took note of Kaywinnet Lee Frye's file. She smiled to herself, wishing she had someone to share these notes with. Father/Uncle was ensconced in meetings throughout the week; he wouldn't appreciate the irony in any case. He was too busy bemoaning the loss of Moira Tran's genes to the eugenics pool. He didn't stop to examine the genes that he would be getting, and those weren't any slouch.

She drummed her fingers along the desktop. Annabelle was isolated, and kept herself in one of the most secure hideaways. Getting to her skills would be tricky at best, deadly at worst. She didn't think she could cannibalize that Specialist. Algernon was dead, and Ferdinand was out of sorts but trying to make his way back to the Core to regroup. Taking him out might be difficult, but it would definitely be worth her while. Corrine propped her chin up on one hand and thought about it; who really wanted to be like Ferdinand? The thoughts that would swirl around in her head, and he didn't exactly have any palatable thoughts. She didn't need his memories on all the ways to gleefully torture and kill someone. Killing was easy, and the thought of death didn't frighten her in the slightest. It was the emptiness of purpose that did, and the thought that there was no need for her, even in the Operative's perfect world.

This was useless. She wasn't invincible, and neither was anyone else in the Academy.

Corrine logged out and headed into the bowels of the Records Building. She wanted to hear Timothy's voice, to hear his predictions for herself.

She already knew what he was going to say, and she already knew that he was too valuable to touch. But it was one thing to hear a recording and another to hear the words from his own cracked lips.

_They're coming... They're coming for us all, and we'll all die by their hands,_ the whispers said, pressing against her mind. The Level Three students knew too much, but the remains of the class were locked away for further testings and drills. They spoke amongst themselves in telepathic whispers, innuendo and rumor the mainstay of their discussions. It was all they had at this point, and all they had to comfort Timothy with. _Don't worry... They're coming for us, and our suffering will finally be at an end..._

"Oh no, children," Corrine crooned, moving down the hallway.

Their frightened whispers froze in fear. Someone could hear them. Someone was coming. And she didn't sound nice at all.

"Your suffering isn't at its end. Oh no, my dears. They haven't discovered you yet. There's still much that we can obtain from you before they get here."

The voices quivered in fear. They remembered pain. They remembered agony. They remembered being locked away in the dark with Ferdinand's whims for company. They remembered all of this, and were hoping it wouldn't repeat.

Corrine was glad she hadn't cannibalized him yet. The sheer joy in his memories would have been absolutely disgusting. Even she had her limits, strange through they were.

"Tell me, my dears.... Just what new things have they been teaching you? What have you told our young Timothy? I want to hear his latest prediction. I want to see what the Readers among you have seen." Corrine smiled as the fear around her rose to a peak. "Tell me what I want to know, my darling dears. I promise I won't bite." The Class Three students didn't believe her, and Corrine only laughed. "Besides, I'm the only company you're likely to have before the end of times arrives."

There was a cough from one cell. Corrine zeroed in on it.

"If you're not careful, they'll kill you," the voice said. It rasped slightly, as if the speaker was unused to speaking. Considering the repair of the hallway, that was likely.

"Tell me," Corrine said, leaning against the doorway. She didn't open it; exposing the resident to air without checking the quarantine level might kill them all.

The rasping voice began to laugh. "I was loved once," he said. Corrine could tell now that the speaker was male, though he was having a hard time with speech. "I can think in numbers," he added helpfully. His laugh seemed warbling and insane.

"Timothy," Corrine murmured, pressing her forehead to door. It was a good thing she hadn't opened the door and turned on the lights. The bacteria she carried with her would kill him, and blithely turning on the lights would have blinded him.

"If you're not careful, they'll kill you. You've gotten arrogant and strange."

"I always was strange," Corrine hissed. "They made me that way."

"You weren't supposed to take on Angela," Timothy crooned. "She was my friend. You weren't supposed to take her. You weren't supposed to take your sister. You weren't supposed to take anyone. You were supposed to understand them, so you could better fight them. You weren't weak as you were. You _knew_ them. You knew them well enough to take them apart and take them down."

Corrine felt a shiver race down her spine. She had suspected as much when she had been Katrina, but had been too afraid to ask Sabrina. Sabrina would have thought she was weak and useless, and would have told her to go back to class.

"How do I move past the end of times?"

"Don't take them all," Timothy replied. "It's only a seventeen percent chance of succeeding in any case, and this isn't a good odd at all."

"They won't trust me."

"They won't have to, not all of them."

"I'm listening."

Laughing insanely all the while, Timothy began to explain.

***  
***


	43. Hurtful Memories

She was dreaming, she knew this. Still, every move was laced in fear, and every act was layered in nuanced meaning. She couldn't walk, and she couldn't feel her feet. She couldn't see her hands, and her crossbow was just out of reach.

The dead were walking, and they were walking straight for her.

The pain lanced through her gut as they reached her, twisting her insides into knots. _Am I coming back? Do you want me to come back like you?_

The sight of her father's face was chilling. "Kar.... a.... run..."

Her ears seemed to stop up. They weren't listening. They couldn't hear her name on his lips, the warning on his tongue. She could see the fear in his eyes, the pain just beneath the surface. She could feel the confusion shimmering beneath the skin. Her mother was beside him, hand on his arm in a comforting gesture.

"Don't... trust..." her father was trying to say. Her mother's jaw was gone, and she couldn't add anything to his warning.

"Who, Dad?" Kara finally managed to say. She could feel her feet and hands again.

"The sons strive to outshine the fathers, and the natural order would be upset," came a voice at her side. Kara whirled around and saw Troy standing beside her, holding a pure white mask in his hand. "Here. Take this. They won't see through you if you have it."

"But... I thought you were... I dunno..." Kara finally finished lamely, taking the mask. "You're strange," she said finally.

"Aren't we all?" he asked, smiling at her. "I love the color of your eyes."

As Kara gasped in shock, he dissolved into mist.

Her father loomed behind him, and pointed right at her through the hazy smoke. "Run. Not safe there long."

Kara shook her head in confusion. The white mask was solid in her hand, feeling like it was made of stone. "Dad, I don't understand. What's going on? Who's going to betray us? I thought it was going to be Troy."

"Troy... deceived... by horses. Falls easily," her father said. Kara could see the teeth loosening from their sockets, falling from the jawbone.

_Oh fuck, I'm running out of time,_ she thought hazily. She tried to step forward, but her mother pulled him back. "Dad!"

"No time. Lies... around... Be careful!"

Kara watched helplessly as his jaw fell off and tumbled down to his feet. She could still see the bloodstains on his chest, the gaping hole where the knife had been. Her lower lip trembled as tears threatened to fall.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

She placed the mask on her face and vanished.

Kara shot upright in bed, holding her pillow to her face. She tossed it aside, blinking rapidly to try and make sense of things. She looked around in a panic, not remembering where she was or what had happened. She could still see the blood on her father's chest, his jaw falling from his face to strike the floor and shatter. At least, she thought it did. The horror of the dream was fading, and her panic was ebbing.

She remembered everything now, and wrapped her arms around herself. The temperature in the room had dropped, and she shivered violently. She didn't miss her father, not really. She didn't miss the yelling or the drinking or the veiled insults or the implication that she was a poor replacement for her dead mother. She didn't miss her father. She didn't.

Okay, she did a little bit.

Kara pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The others had been so very understanding and helpful. It was almost sickening. Why hadn't she been that close with everybody else before she lost her parents and left her wounded brother behind? Why had it taken a tragedy and hurtful memories to let her get close to people? And even then, if she was completely honest with herself, there was still a barrier between them. She didn't want people thinking she was someone to take advantage of. She didn't want them making fun of her or thinking that she wasn't strong enough to stand on her own too feet. She wasn't some wilting lily of a girl, unable to think for herself. She could drink the other girls under the table, shoot a crossbow blindfolded and could nail a target with a pistol at two hundred meters. She couldn't wrestle her brother to the ground anymore, but she could at least beat the boys her own age without too much effort.

This crying thing bothered her. This death thing bothered her. That was new, something she wasn't used to and didn't know how to handle. It wasn't like picking up a new pistol and figuring out easily how it worked. It wasn't like trying to make her own arrows and cutting her fingers up in the process. It wasn't like hauling her father's body back into the house after he had spent the night drinking under the stars.

How do you deal with pain when it's a hole in your chest that only grows deeper with every waking moment? How do you deal with pain that you don't understand?

Kara threw the covers back and got dressed in her ragged clothes. She hadn't stopped to think about bringing a change of clothes with her, and had refused to wear any of the twins' clothes when they had offered earlier that day. Gradys didn't take charity. They earned their own way, however hard it was.

She wound her way toward the observation deck. She spurned the audience chairs and sat directly on the sill, looking out toward the stars. She hadn't paid attention to which world they were headed to. It didn't matter. Wherever they went, death would be there. She didn't have any illusions about what they would do at the Academy. They had hurt River there, and they had created the monster that had killed her father. That was reason enough for her. She didn't need to know other details.

There was the sound of footsteps behind her. Kara didn't bother to turn around. It didn't matter anyway. It wasn't her ship.

"Couldn't sleep?" Troy asked from the doorway. He sounded almost uncertain, but it could have just been Kara's imagination.

Kara shrugged, not bothering to answer Troy. She spoke to him as little as possible.

"It won't be long before we reach Ariel."

_Five fathoms deep my father lies. These are pearls that were his eyes,_ River had said earlier that day. She had been staring right at Kara, who had immediately left the room. It had hurt too much to hear.

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks."

"You're not all right," Troy ventured, coming into the room. He also bypassed the audience chairs. "River had mentioned that you watched your father's murder."

_Thanks, River,_ Kara thought acidly. _Thanks a lot!_ Kara could feel Troy's presence behind her, and thought of the white mask he had given her in her dream. If she could mentally keep that mask on her face, if she could pretend to be as placid...

"I can't imagine what that was like."

"Then don't," Kara snapped, her back stiffening. "Take your presumed pity and find another victim. I don't need that _go se."_

"I wasn't going to say that," Troy said, voice gentle. He sat down across from her on the sill, his feet still planted firmly on the floor. He took in Kara's curled form and shook his head. "We have spare uniforms if you want. You don't have to wear the same thing all the time."

_My father bought this material,_ she thought. It felt like she was stabbing herself in the chest. _I made the pants myself, but I needed help with the shirt. It took me three days to ask for help, and that was from Old Lady John down the road. She knew us. You don't know a damn thing about us. You can't even begin to try._

Kara remained stubbornly silent.

"General Chang is a good man. His four sons are with us. Three are military, and one is an architect. They're all going to do their part. You don't have to worry about the fight."

"I know how to shoot," Kara said, turning to look at him. Her voice was dripping with scorn, and her lips curled in derision. This she knew how to handle. This was like being back on Yarbrook before the fair every year. This part she knew.

He smiled at her, and she wished she hadn't spoken. "Really?"

"I can put a bullet between a man's eyes at two hundred meters with my eyes closed. You?"

His smile froze slightly. "You can?"

"Yeah. Don't think I'm some little girl that can't defend myself."

His eyes skimmed over her face before settling on her eyes. "I don't," he said softly. Kara's spine seemed to itch from his gaze. "Believe me, Kara, I don't."

The silence seemed to stretch out between them. He seemed to be comfortable just looking at her, and she was very uncomfortably aware of his presence. She didn't trust him. The boys at Yarbrook all looked at her the same way, and they were all complete _hun dans,_ especially Tyrone Taylor. He had taken her virginity on her thirteenth birthday and hadn't spoken to her since. It had been all kinds of painful and humiliating at the time, and it hadn't been worth sneaking out of her own party. She hadn't had a birthday party since.

"You can go now," she said. Her voice was as acidic as she could make it.

He smiled at her. "You can't be fifteen."

_Two months to my sixteenth birthday, asshole,_ she wanted to say. Instead, she held his gaze and imagined the white mask over her face. _So sorry, you're not as cute as you think you are,_ she thought. She hoped that it showed on her face, that it would drive him away so he could leave her alone to grieve and hurt in peace.

"All right, maybe," he relented, standing. "If you hold yourself too tightly all the time, you'll break," Troy warned. He didn't touch her, but Kara felt as if his hand had come to rest on the top of her head. "It happens before you know it. You deserve better than that."

"You don't know me."

"You're like my sister," he said, voice soft. His smile turned sad and bitter. "Just before she slit her wrists and bled to death. So I know what I'm talking about. She let her grief destroy her. Don't let yours do the same."

_I'm not like her,_ Kara thought, watching Troy leave. "What was her name?" she found herself asking, in spite of herself.

"Anna," Troy said, turning to face Kara at the doorway. "I never did find out why. She was about eight years older than me. But it doesn't matter, does it? What happened to make her feel that way broke her. She didn't share it, and she let it consume her. She didn't have to. You deserve better than that."

"You don't know if I do or not."

"You're a straight shot with your eyes closed," Troy replied, a wry twist to his lips. "That's a skill worth saving."

Kara didn't know what to say, and watched him leave. She pressed her temple to the glass, confused. Oh hell, when did being herself get all complicated?

***

Mal and Zoe were sitting on the bridge of the _Bì Xuè_ with Julian and Troy. Mal and Julian had an uneasy truce, and neither were willing to break it at this point. They had sat down to talk just the day before, and came to a fragile understanding. Mal was afraid to trust anyone after his prior bitter betrayal. Julian had to concede that he didn't know what that was like, and could understand why Mal would have so little faith in others. Still, it had hurt Julian greatly to have Mal think he was capable of such deception, or that any of his friends might be capable of it as well. Julian didn't trust lightly, but where he did, his faith was unshakable.

Julian called up his eldest son's ship. "Justin. What is the status of your men?"

"They're grumbling a bit, to be honest. They're not sure that this is the wisest of choices. They will follow me without question, and they will do their duty. That is not an issue. They're all good men." Justin's brow furrowed and he looked over his father's face. "Is there a problem? Has there been some other difficulty we should know about?"

Julian looked over at Mal, who shrugged. "Not as of yet. I'm just checking in. It's good to know that things are going well for your men. What about you?"

Justin smiled, the picture of perfect calm. "I meditate every morning. I know what needs to be done, and I know what we do is right. It's all right, Father. I would never dishonor you during the course of this battle."

Julian nodded. "Of course. Your piety is never in question."

"You're nervous, Father," Justin guessed. His head cocked to the side, a move that suddenly reminded Julian of his beloved Evangeline. It startled him; his elder sons had never reminded him of his late wife before.

Julian smiled somewhat sheepishly. "It happens form time to time, even to such as myself."

"You are very experienced, Father. You surely know the outcome of a battle such as this. Even so, it must be fought. Honor dictates this."

"It's a Father's concern for his son," Julian said softly. His eldest son looked the most like him, all sharp angles and jawline. He was always a serious child, and had followed the dictates of honor most stringently.

Justin smiled at Julian almost indulgently. "I have been decorated in the Army many times, Father. I know how to be safe."

"But I still worry. It would have been your mother's place, but now I do this." Julian shrugged and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I like knowing you are safe."

"Don't call the others, Father. They aren't as understanding as I am about that. Xavier hates anything reeking of emotion, and James thinks he is too ambitious for something so soft as concern. Gregory might appreciate it, and he is on your ship."

Julian blinked. "When did he leave your ship?"

"Just this morning. He said he wished to speak with you about something that had concerned him regarding the mission." Justin shrugged. "He never liked talking to me about his anxiety, so I didn't think anything of it."

"He hasn't found me yet, but he may be searching for me now."

"All right. Give him your cares. It should ease his worry somewhat."

Julian laughed and nodded. "All right. Thank you, Justin."

"For what?" Justin asked, brow furrowed in thought. "I didn't even say very much. I can't say I've been of much help to you today."

"Oh, but you have. You've eased my mind greatly." Julian moved in his seat. "I'll speak with Gregory once he finds me. I'm sure we'll get this all cleared up."

"Of course, Father. I'll see you in orbit."

Julian turned to Mal and Zoe as he shut down the connection. "You see? They are all good children. They do as they need to, and things all flow smoothly."

Mal stayed pointedly silent. He didn't think that it was that great of a boast.

"It shouldn't take long for me to speak with my son," Julian said. He heard the doors swish open to the bridge, and saw that it was Gregory. "Ah. And speaking of which, here is the son I wanted to speak with."

Gregory flushed. "Oh? I'm suddenly important here?"

Alarm bells rang in Mal's mind, and he exchanged a glance with Zoe. It looked like she caught the same vibes as well.

Julian hadn't caught it. He was smiling generously at his son, and hugged him tightly. "I was just checking up with Justin, to see how his ship is doing. He mentioned you had left to come here to speak with me."

"Yes. It is very important." Gregory looked over the bridge, licking his lips nervously. Mal, Zoe and Troy were sitting in the center of the room, near Julian's prior seat. There were three other workers manning the various controls on the bridge. They didn't appear to be paying any attention to them. "Perhaps this is not a good time."

"Nonsense, Gregory. This is a perfect time. I always make time for you."

Something in Gregory's face twitched. "Yes, Father. I suppose it is. Then let us speak."

Julian paused and observed his son. "Gregory? What is it?"

Gregory pulled his father aside, away from Mal and Zoe. "I worry for you, Father. I worry for the sake of our family name and our honor. Those insurgents have somehow convinced you that treason is the way to a better future, and I cannot believe that. I cannot."

"Gregory..."

"Hear me speak!" he insisted. Julian felt a chill run down his spine. Gregory's face was full of the dramatic fervor that his other sons had held for their military service. It was strange to see it on Evangeline's features, which had always been turned up to him in love. Julian never thought he would see his youngest son look so powerfully driven.

When it was plainly obvious that Julian was not going to continue, Gregory nodded. "It is for our family honor I tell you this. They had never held love for our government. Independents will never change. That is what they were, Father, and they will never see our government in a benevolent light. Everything will always be some kind of sinister plot. Don't you see that? You allowed them to corrupt your thinking."

Mal stood, a hand over the pistol at his hip. Zoe put a hand on his arm, stilling him. It wasn't his fight to end in a hail of bullets.

"You truly believe this."

"I listened to the story you told me, Father. I know you believe it is true. I know this, and this is why I do not condemn you. This is what I have said before."

"Before?" Julian asked, a sinking sensation crawling through his gut.

"Yes. I have sought advice and counseling. As you should have done," he added reproachfully. "I am surprised you haven't. I know, because I have asked about that."

"Ah." Suddenly everything was clear to Julian, even Mal's paranoia.

"Father, it's not too late. You can still be forgiven, and we can save our family's honor. It's not impossible, Father. You can still be forgiven."

"Forgiven," Julian murmured, stunned. Gregory didn't seem to notice.

"You let them sway you. I don't blame you, because their story is convincing. But I've visited this place you would destroy, and it's simply a school. Would you let them sway you into destroying a school full of children? No, I know you wouldn't. That's not like you. You encouraged all of us to reach our full potential. You told us to be the best that we could be, and to honor our family and our duty to the Alliance." His earnest face searched Julian's. "How could you have forgotten, Father? It was all you ever said, and now you've forgotten."

"I have not forgotten, my son," Julian said heavily. His hands curled into fists, but Gregory couldn't see them. "I have remembered my duty and where my honor should lie."

"No, Father. You have forgotten. But I have spoken with Admiral Kiley, and we can save our family's honor and respect. I have made all of the arrangements, Father. It's not too late. It's not over yet. Father, let me save you."

"I do not understand how you could be so misguided," Julian murmured. He watched his son's face contort in confusion and anger. "I don't understand how my beloved Evangeline could have birthed a son so easily duped by a government that has clearly lost its way. No, my son, you are the one that had forgotten the lessons taught. You have to honor and revere your elders, your family, your ancestors and _the Articles of Alliance._ It is the current government that had lost sight of its duty, and our obligation is to correct them."

"It's a _school!"_ Gregory hissed. "I cannot let you do this!" Gregory's entire body was thrumming with righteous anger. "You would drag our entire family line into infamy over a set of lies you cannot see through! I cannot respect this!"

Julian's face distorted and twisted with pain and misery. His right hand seized his gun, and he shot his son in the forehead before he even knew what he was doing.

He shook as his son's body crumpled to the floor, a startled look crossing his face. "You were my youngest!" Julian cried, voice breaking. "You were my favorite, my most honored son!" His hands were shaking, and his vision blurred with unshed tears. "My son..."

Julian bolted.

The entire bridge was stunned by the turn of events. The bridge crew looked at each other, then at Troy. Troy was still, not sure what to do. He was Julian's aide, after all, and had never issued orders to the bridge crew before.

Mal took his hand off of his gun. He had hated to see the pain on Julian's face. He knew full well how badly it stung, and knew the misery the older man was about to live through. He looked around at the lost faces. He knew they needed a leader.

"All right. We step up the time table."

All eyes swung to him. "What? But..."

Mal held up his hand to forestall the crew member's protest. "Look. Your General's in a mighty lost frame of mind now. I'm not your regular Captain, but I'm a captain of my own boat. So at least give me the benefit of a listen. I was a Sergeant before, so I'm not wholly unexperienced in things like war." He smiled for their benefit and pushed both of his hands deeply into his pants pockets. "The jig is up. The Alliance knows we're coming, and knows what target we're about to hit. We have to assume that they know how many strong we are and when we were planning to hit the Academy. They're going to assemble a big enough force to take us out, and we'll be very, very dead. The only thing we got going for us now is the element of surprise."

"Look, I don't doubt your expertise, sir," one of the bridge crew began.

"I was at the Battle of Serenity," Mal snapped. "Don't think I don't know what a hopeless cause is. But we held our line, and we did our job right. I know we can do it now."

The bridge fell to silence, and inwardly Zoe cheered. There was nothing quite like an impossible mission that brought Mal out of a depressive funk. To be honest, it worked wonders for her as well. It was something that gave her purpose, something to focus on other than the gnawing grief still pulling at her insides.

Troy slipped from the room just as the most senior of the bridge crew nodded. "Yes, sir. I'll radio the rest of the fleet."

Zoe looked to Mal. "Go after him. I'll cover it here."

Mal smiled at her gratefully, pulling his hands from his pockets. He went after Troy, who was heading straight for Julian's private quarters.

When Mal entered the room, Julian was kneeling on the floor, a picture frame clutched to his chest. He was rocking slowly. His eyes carried a sheen, but he was not crying. His hands trembled, and Mal noted that his gun was placed carefully on the table and nowhere near the elderly General. Troy was recounting Mal's order when he entered the room.

"My son betrayed me," Julian murmured, looking up at Mal with a plaintive look. "My son."

"He loved you," Mal offered. He saw Julian flinch.

"My youngest, my best and brightest. Evangeline's face... You don't understand, Captain. I loved him the best. He was the dear one..."

"Look. I know what betrayal is, and I don't got what you have. Akira was after his own skin, and cheerfully offered up our entire company. Let me repeat that, so you understand how it went. Our entire company. We fought and bled and hurt together, like a family. We weren't though. He made that clear. We weren't his family, and he didn't care a lick what happened to the rest of us as long as his own hide was clear. What you have is a son that didn't see things your way, and loved you enough to try and protect you. It don't matter none that he was a misguided fool. They're the ones that fight the lost causes. He knew he couldn't change your mind, so he tried his best to protect you the best way he knew how."

Troy looked at Mal, his lips a flattened line. "That's not helping."

"Oh, shut it," Mal snapped. "Go assist or whatever someplace else."

"Sir..." Troy began.

Julian looked up with the face of a broken old man. The sight of it was startling, and Troy actually took a step back. "I cannot bear this now. Leave me."

Mal didn't look triumphant at all. Troy noted that, and found that he couldn't resent the other man too much. He left, and Mal sat down on the floor across from Julian.

"My son," Julian murmured, beginning to rock again. "My most precious son, this is how he repays me. This is how he honors me."

"He tried his best," Mal said, voice low. He looked at Julian and could no longer resent the man's prior pride. The man had every reason to be boastful before. To have his illusions be shattered so cruelly breaks any man.

"He dishonored me!" Julian shouted. "He brought shame upon us!"

"Oh, knock it off! He didn't know any better! He was their dupe, same as we all were! You can't blame him for that! It's why we're going after the Alliance. They use our lies against us, and they take our hopes and trap us with it. It's what they do. You can't blame your son for _their_ trickery if he didn't stand a chance against it."

"What would you have me do, then?" Julian asked, voice breaking. "My son..."

"He tried," Mal repeated, voice soft and gentle. "He didn't know, and he tried to love you as best as he could. You have to hang onto that. It's what he wanted to do."

"I cannot forgive this," Julian murmured, rocking again. "I cannot."

"Then push it away. You gotta stay on the ball for this. We can't lose you. We gotta step up the pace, hit 'em early. It's the only way we still got an advantage against them."

Julian looked up, his face a mask of pain. "It hurts."

"It always will," Mal replied with a sigh. "It gets easier, but it will always hurt. Ain't nothing we can do about that but move on. You can't let it break you, else the Alliance wins before we even lifted a finger."

"This is how you led your men," Julian murmured, straightening slightly. "This is why we could not break the Independent spirit."

Mal held out his hand, and Julian grasped it gratefully. "We're one and the same, you know. Last of the old time heroes. Wanna show that Alliance we're stronger than they think we are? Wanna show them how it's really done?"

Julian's smile was hateful and bitter. "They will rue the day they dishonored my family."

_That's the spirit,_ Mal thought grimly. _We'll need that attitude when we hit the Academy tomorrow._

***  
***


	44. Airborne

_They broke me,_ she thoughts dizzily, spinning through her kick. _It's the end of the world coming and they broke me._

When Victoria came to a stop, she looked up at Viola and Kara. The other girls were standing there, watching her with silent eyes. They had heard the klaxon overhead and had known what it had meant. In the midst of all their panic, it was Kara that had taken them to the practice room for one last go-around.

_Pretend you're wearing a mask,_ Kara had said. _Believe me, it helps. Act like a cold bitch who doesn't give a good _go se,_ and soon enough even you'll believe it, too. Pretend like you'd reach into their bellies and give their guts a good hard yank._

Viola had winced at Kara's words, but it had worked like a charm.

"We can do this," Viola was saying, cutting into Victoria's thoughts.

"Of course we can," Kara said, voice hard and cold. Victoria saw Viola shiver slightly, and moved closer to her twin.

"We're landing in three hours," Viola said.

"What d'you wanna do? Pray? Leave that to the ones that're gonna die."

"We still could," Victoria muttered.

"Then pray _then,"_ Kara said with disdain, that mask she had been talking about firmly in place. "Don't go into this thinking you'll lose. Then you'll die for sure."

"How can you be so smug about this?" Victoria snapped. "We're kids up against serious fighters."

"'Cause I won the Yarbrook shooting contest five years in a row," Kara snapped back. "And I didn't do it thinking the boys would beat me. I didn't do it _thinking_ of anything. I walked onto those fairgrounds thinking I was gonna win and I did. You tell yourself how it's gonna be, not how it _might_ be. _Dong ma?"_

Victoria nodded reluctantly, and Viola crossed her arms over her chest. "Do you think we could win this?" she asked softly. "Not just 'cause you're saying to think it, but I mean do you _really_ think we can win this?"

Kara nodded sharply. "I think we can. They don't know when we're coming. They don't got their guys ready or prepped yet. It's a quick in and out, right? We let them trained guys on this boat go in first, we head toward the school. It's a _school day._ They're in class, outta the way. So we just gotta bring down the entire school." Kara grinned at them. "Didn'tcha ever wanna blow up the school?"

Victoria and Viola looked at each other warily. "We were home schooled."

Kara rolled her eyes. "No wonder you two don't got no sense to blowing nothing up. Nobody taught you how to make simple throwing bombs?"

Viola's eyes widened. "Oh, no."

Kara snorted. "Fine. Let's go find the kitchens and a supply closet. Let's use these last three hours wisely." She shook her head as she led the way. "Seriously, nobody let you blow up stuff with firecrackers or nothing? Nobody? Damn shame, really. It's a fun way to ring in the New Year out in Yarbrook. You light a mess of crackers under some tin cans to scare the demons away, and if somebody's got a busted mule that can't get fixed, you can blow that up, too."

"Nobody does that with us," Victoria said icily. She glared at Kara's back as they moved through the halls. "We're Hunters, and we don't do that sort of thing."

Kara whirled around on her. "You're Cobb, too, Missy-Miss. You're related to me same as I'm related to you. Same age, too, practically. So don't go thinking you're better or nothing. Just 'cause I grew up poor and got my rocks off different don't make you better."

Viola stepped in between them. "Look, this might be good to know. We can always bomb out their soldiers, right?"

"Damn straight," Kara said, warming to her topic. She grinned at Viola. "You prob'ly know the science to this. Or we can ask River since she loves physics so much. But it works the same, even if I don't know how. I never burnt up alcohol back home since Dad drank it all, but it lights up good as any firecracker."

The twins looked at each other as Kara resumed the hunt for the kitchens. They were definitely going to be bringing some alcohol or kitchen-made bombs with them. Even if they believed in the power of positive thinking, it never hurt to be prepared. Just in case.

***

The _Bì Xuè_ touched down on Ariel a full day ahead of schedule. It was followed by the _Andromeda, Hyacinth, Skyscape, Ventrue, Shadow Magic, Quick Light_ and the _Solar Plexus._ They all docked within one corner of the busy space port, using a different set of entry codes than the ones Gregory might have given the Alliance. Nobody knew how Steven was able to do it, but because he had been in Intel since recruitment, no one questioned it. They all had their assignments; each crew would take a different segment of the Academy. It was set up as two concentric rings of buildings with courtyards in between the rings and within the center ring. There were six different landing areas, and there were five groups of smaller buildings between the rings that resembled spokes of a wheel.

The eight different crews departed their ships quickly, and met up at the Easy Exit, a nightclub Steven had said would ask no questions. They all supplied the same passcode at the door, and were each shown to a large basement room.

The room was much larger than the actual nightclub above was. The walls were black, and there was one disc jockey booth in the corner. Recessed and track lights ran along the ceiling. There was nothing on the walls to provide decor.

"Nice place," Simon commented. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he steadfastly avoided looking at Inara, River or Jayne. He kept close to Sarah and her second-in-command, a move that upset River and set Jayne's teeth on edge.

"We're not here for the rave," Steven snapped. He walked over to the disc jockey booth and felt under the console. He flipped the switch and the entire back wall opened. "That's what we're here for, people."

The entire back wall opened into the city's sewer system.

Mal whistled. "I see why it's called the Easy Exit now."

"It pays to know about these places sometimes," Steven said, voice low. "Now, everybody through there. You know where each team is supposed to go." He waited until there were choruses of yeses. "All right, then. Godspeed. May Buddha shine upon us all."

River tried to approach Simon, but he resolutely sidestepped her and headed into the sewer system near Sarah and her crew. River turned to Jayne, tears in her eyes. "He won't even talk to me," she whispered.

"Eyes on the prize," Jayne reminded her, wiping away her tears. "We got all our girls to protect, and we got a school to raze. Once we're done, we'll smack 'im upside the head for bein' all stupid on ya, okay? Hey, maybe he's trying to focus on the job for a change."

"You think so?" she asked, voice tremulous.

He smiled at her and then kissed her forehead. "He better. He got the job done to get you out once, right? He'd better do it right this time, too."

River and Jayne met up with the twins and Kara. They followed the rest of the _Bì Xuè_ crew toward their designated attack point.

Mal hung back and looked at Steven, who was just leaving the disc jockey booth. "I didn't know you believed." Mal could hear a faint ticking from the booth. He assumed that Steven had set a timer so that the wall could close itself behind them once they had passed through it. That would definitely be a good thing to have if an entire roomful of people had to be evacuated.

"I don't," Steven replied shortly. "But they do, and they needed to hear it." Mal nodded thoughtfully, and watched Steven check his gun. "Are you having any doubts about what you've stirred up now?"

"Not a one."

"Then let's go do this and get airborne. I want this over as soon as possible."

"You and me both."

They descended through the sewer systems, headed for the infamous Academy.

***

Lily closed up her office and smiled at the security guards on her way out. She had done her best to empty the building of all nonessential personnel, but of course there were those sticklers who didn't want to tempt fate and be docked a day's pay. It was a Friday, and most people would have enjoyed the afternoon off. Still, the entire complex was about to be shortstaffed for the afternoon, and that had to be good enough for the mysterious caller from that morning. My, but it had been a busy morning. The clerical staff and First Rank officers were long since gone, and all of the Outer Ring buildings were emptied. The students were relaxing in their dorms, glad to have an extra afternoon off. She didn't think they would bother calling their worried parents in their free time, but maybe one or two would. That would at least cut back the number of parental calls she would have to field on Monday morning.

She exited the main building and started down the walkway. She noticed a group of five officers headed up the ramp toward the building. She hadn't seen them before, but they did look very self-important and rather anxious. She hadn't scheduled any meetings for any of the top brass that afternoon, but several of them had already been booked up.

"Excuse me, but the outer ring has been closed for the afternoon," she said, coming up to the group. "Did you have an appointment?"

"We came early," the man in front said. He was wearing a blue officer's uniform and was wearing the full Sergeant's pips, even though he looked much too young to be that high ranking. He carried himself almost regally, and Lily wondered if he was married.

"Perhaps I should go back in with you and reschedule? I think most of the main executives have meetings scheduled. I don't think there are any free blocks of time."

One of the men behind the Sergeant shifted from foot to foot uneasily. "Look, ma'am..."

The Sergeant shot him a look, and he quieted. Lily was duly impressed. "We already called ahead. We're expected at the meeting."

It seemed to make sense, so Lily let them pass. As they advanced up the walkway, a thought occurred to her. "Which meeting were you going to tomorrow?" Lily asked, turning around. They were already almost at the front door.

Since when were there Saturday meetings in an office building? There would be no staff on hand to assist with the clerical aspects of meetings.

_Unless that's what they wanted. Maybe that's why they wanted everyone out of the building today. I knew something was going on..._ Lily thought suddenly, eyes widening. She turned around and hurried from the main entrance. She didn't need to know what was going on, and she didn't want to know.

She crashed headlong into another woman as she turned the corner. The woman caught her as she fell, and Lily nearly gasped at how strong she was. "I'm sorry," Lily said.

"That's quite all right," the woman replied. Her smile was eerie and strange. "I see you got my message this morning," she said. Lily almost felt hypnotized by her eyes.

"Uh... That was you?"

"Oh yes. You don't need to be here for this."

"Okay," Lily said hurriedly. "I'll be going now."

The strange woman watched her run off, a smile on her face. "Lovely meeting you," Corrine murmured. She licked her lips in anticipation and headed back into the Academy.

***

River slipped through an unused service entrance, followed by about a third of the _Bì Xuè_ crew. It took them to the laundry floor, where they quickly found Academy uniforms. Jayne had to admit that River looked downright hot in the uniform, with her hair twisted up behind her head in a bun. Hell, now that he noticed her, she looked downright hot all the time.

She adjusted the collar to his jacket and smiled up at him. Oh, mind reader. He smiled at her unabashedly, unashamed of his thoughts. "I'm ready when you are."

She took them to an arms locker next, and those without guns loaded up. Jayne helped himself to a few more pocket-sized pistols, thinking they would be perfect to give to River or have the twins train with once they returned to Beylix. River nodded her approval and moved on from the room, taking only two guns and a single extra round of ammunition.

"So what's the plan?" Kara asked, pushing extra rounds of ammunition into her pockets. It seemed all kinds of wrong that she had to leave her old pants behind, no matter that they didn't quite fit right.

"Now, we split up and take to the floors. They are testing the upper level students," River said, looking up above her. "Three floors of testing rooms, with doctors, assistants and other kinds of observers there. There are no important members of Parliament here today."

"Pity," one of the junior officers muttered. "They should see what they have wrought."

"So they shall," another said. "They'll know what this was about."

Disturbed, Kara found herself backing up a step toward Jayne. He steadied her elbow, giving it a little squeeze. She looked up at him and nodded firmly. She was fine, dammit. She didn't need any babying. She wasn't nervous. She was going to win.

"Shoot 'em dead," Jayne said cheerfully in encouragement.

Kara couldn't help but smile back. "Yeah. They'll pay for all this."

"Damn straight," he replied. He moved over to where River was standing, still looking at the floors above her in silence. "Everyone armed?" He waited until everyone nodded. "All righty, then. Lock and load!"

They filed out and split up into different teams. There were three teams per floor, and the tenth team was River, Jayne, the twins, Kara and a junior officer named Christopher Bailey. He seemed terribly nervous, and Kara wondered if it was going to be his first live firefight. She smiled at him and held out her hand. "Hey, Chris. I'm Kara."

He shook her hand politely. "So where are we headed?"

River looked down from the ceiling finally, and pointed toward the floor. "Down. That's where they keep the dangerous ones, the ones they don't know how else to train. We must descend down into the darkness of the soul, to the depths of the evil they couldn't control."

Christopher audibly gulped.

River looked up and winked. "We'll be fine. They're not really evil, just confused."

"They're not really dangerous, are they?" Viola asked.

River shrugged in response. "I don't think they are. They just kept resisting the treatments and lessons they tried to give. The surgeries didn't work. Somehow, they just kept their own identity despite all that was done to them."

Christopher sighed in relief. "Well, that's human nature. You don't want to give up who you are so easily. I'm not surprised by that."

River looked at him curiously. "Who said they were entirely human?"

Stunned, they all followed her out of the room in silence.

***

Inara walked beside Sarah Kelly, her two aides and four shock troops. Inara secretly wondered why in Buddha's name that there were shock troops on Sarah's ship, but she wasn't about to say anything. Their mere presence made her feel better. She had a crossbow and a laser rifle, and despite the tight fitting clothes she was wearing, she felt completely naked in a way she hadn't felt since the Companion Training House.

She was scared, and the feeling burned her insides.

_It's not over. Whatever else happens, we have to finish what we started,_ she thought, looking at the blank faces of the shock troops. Their armor gleamed, and they were merely awaiting orders from Sarah.

The woman in question surveyed the map she had sketched out from the descriptions and plans discussed at their strategy meeting. Sarah looked from the map to the markings on the sewer walls, then folded it up and tucked it away in her chest pocket.

"We're here. You know your orders, men. Take no prisoners, leave no one alive. There shouldn't be any children here. If there are any, they're working with the enemy and cannot be treated as children. They've been changed, and they aren't the innocents we're trying to save. If you show them mercy, you're dead."

Her voice was bleak and empty, the voice of a woman broken to pieces and glued back together by sheer force of will. Inara doubted that her men could hear it.

"Yes, sir," they chorused. They climbed up the ladder and headed into one of the inner ring of buildings of the Academy.

Sarah turned to Inara. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Inara replied. She held her crossbow at the ready. It was a ranged weapon she was most familiar with from her training at the Companion Training House. It was elegant and deceptively innocent. She had a good aim, and she knew she could do it. While she hadn't used the weapon for years, it had all come flooding back when she had shot at the Reavers beneath Mr. Universe's complex.

She could do it. She had to.

Sarah smiled her approval at the Companion. "Then let's go."

They climbed the ladder into the unsuspecting Academy.

***

"They moved early."

Kaylee looked over at Annabelle's taut face in wonder. "What?"

"Those ships in that empty corner of the port," Annabelle replied, pointing at the area in question as she flew in over the area. "They're not supposed to be here until tomorrow. Something happened. I would guess that they found their traitor."

Kaylee stared at Annabelle. "There was a traitor?"

"Of course. There's always a turncoat somewhere. The key is to stress the proper points until he turns and exposes the belly. Then they go in for the kill."

A hand over her mouth, Kaylee shook her head. "I would never..."

"If they said they would kill Simon? If they would torture him until you caved in? Wouldn't you try your best to spare him that pain?"

"Is that what they do?"

Annabelle shrugged. "Sometimes. Sometimes we don't have to do a thing."

"That's cruel," Kaylee snapped, eyes flashing. "What happened that you would let them do that to you? That you would help them do it?"

"It's what they do. It's the shadow of the government. This kind of thing is never out in the open, exposed to air. Ordinary people never learn of this." Annabelle keyed in the sequence to land in her reserved slot at the space port. "This is a whole new world of wrong, Kaylee. It's not your usual place to be."

Kaylee leaned back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "You should be protecting the people, not killing them."

"We've gone over this. Some people need to be killed to protect the masses. Would you let an entire planet panic over an idiotic mistake?"

"If the mistake killed thirty million people and created Reavers, then yes!"

Annabelle turned her tired eyes to Kaylee as the ship began to run through its automatic docking sequence. She gave her a weary smile. "You're still young yet when it comes to intrigue. Trust me, it doesn't work that way. But I hope you never lose that enthusiasm and hope. I hope you don't get burned out like me."

Kaylee blinked at the abrupt change. "You don't even believe in them anymore, do you?"

Her laugh was bitter. "If I did, you'd be dead and we wouldn't be questioning Specialist ethics."

Kaylee shivered and watched Annabelle unbuckle herself. "So what happens now?"

"They're going in a day early and the Academy is unprepared. I have a feeling that we're about to see a lot of death and destruction." Annabelle stood and waited for Kaylee. "The next step is up to you. Do you wait in safety or do you dive right in and try to find him in the maze? How serious are you about helping him?"

Kaylee unbuckled herself and stood. She took the guns that Annabelle offered her and holstered them. She rubbed at her temple almost self-consciously, right at the spot where Annabelle had placed the memory chips. It still stung a little.

She straightened herself and squared her shoulders under Annabelle's watchful gaze. She gave the other woman a fierce smile. "Let's go save those kids."

Annabelle reached out and grasped Kaylee's hand, giving it a squeeze. Startled, Kaylee squeezed her hand right back. _No turning back,_ Kaylee thought.

"Let's go."

***  
***


	45. The Descent

"You know how it is. Everyone will laugh, point fingers at you. They'll be cruel. You tell yourself it'll end as you cover up your ears and don't listen, because you'll know much better than them someday. But it never happens, never. The needles come, the hands of blue in two by two, the dizzy spells and the mattresses that steal your spine. It doesn't get better, the nightmare never ends, not until they come and take you away in a frozen box." River smiled at them all dreamily, sending shivers down their spine. "You know how the fairy tales go. You know how it is. The fairy princess has to die before she gets to live."

It was dark in the spiral stairwell, the walls close by and imposing. They all climbed down one by one, River in the lead. "This place feels so familiar, even though I've never been here before," Christopher murmured, looking around him uneasily. "I don't know why."

"I know it well. I think I used to belong here," River said softly, her whisper loud in the dark. "I know they'll like us here. We belong to them, too."

"Uh, River..." Jayne began nervously.

"We have all lost someone," she continued obliviously. "I have lost only too much. Jayne has lost his sister and father. The girls have all lost their parents. And Christopher has lost his most beloved cousin to a debilitating illness. It's harder to lose someone by degrees. Just ask Simon what it was like to lose me."

There was really nothing to say in response. They continued down the spiral stair.

"Who put them here?" Viola asked, voice quavering. She couldn't imagine being locked away in the dark for years. How could she read all of her books?

"He sits behind a desk of mahogany, gray suit and gray hair. He lives in shades of gray. He whispers dreams into my ear, brings others to shout their secret thoughts at me. He sought to make me one of his own." Her laughter was thin and almost manic. "I've given him his empire of wonders, I was the culmination of a century's work. He delivers me my fear, he severed the secret parts of me and left me with loss."

Christopher swayed on the stairs, nearly crashing into Kara. "I'm dizzy," he murmured.

"Do you hear the whispers?" Kara asked, uncertain. "All the voices spinnin' 'round here, sounds like it must be driving me batty. It almost sounds like those kids down here are trying to tell me what to say."

"They are," River replied promptly. She descended the stairs even faster. "Listen to them. If it feels like your instincts are trying to tell you where to go or what to do, listen. Don't fight them, it makes you dizzy. They're trying their best to help us. They can't all manipulate matter, otherwise they could open their own locks. But the ones that can project are trying their best. They know why we're here."

"Sounds creepy, that," Jayne muttered.

River turned around, the shadows making her eyes look like hollow sockets. "They are creepy. We're all a little creepy. They made us that way."

"You're not," Jayne replied firmly.

Startled, River blinked and inclined her head. Her eyes fell out of the shadows and looked like her eyes again. "Oh. I thought I was."

"Not all the time," he amended with a soft smile. "When you do that witchy stuff, yeah." He touched her shoulder. "But not all the time. C'mon, Riv, let's go. Someone's gotta show them kids it's okay to not be creepy."

Her smile lit up her face. "Oh, yes. Your mother would love them to pieces!"

She raced down the stairs, and Jayne stifled a groan. If his mother ever spoke to him again, it would only be too soon. She would likely have choice things to say about his recent behavior. She also wanted desperately to shower them with a huge shindig for their marriage. He wasn't cut out for shindigs. He was too damn antisocial.

_But River and the kids in the dark would like that,_ he thought as he followed River. _They ain't never been to a party, let alone a good ol' Cobb shindig. So maybe it won't be so bad to go to one. If we get through this._

River was murmuring to herself, and Jayne could barely make it out. "And how will your night dances lose themselves?" She giggled softly. "Oh yes, Plath killed herself, didn't she? She definitely lost herself. But to continue... In mathematics? Such pure leaps and spirals..." River giggled again. "Yes, I've always liked spirals, and leaps, and dancing."

"Riv?" Jayne asked gently, touching her shoulder. "S'okay?"

"Oh, yes," she replied, laughing, looking over her shoulder almost coquettishly. They had reached the landing for the third level. "I speak in riddles, for it pleases them mightily. They have not been entertained as such in an age."

"Huh. Yeah, uh... Didn't know what you was sayin', is all," Jayne muttered lamely, rubbing the back of his neck. "You were doing the creepy thing again."

River's eyes skipped over to the others, who were nodding emphatically. "Oh. Oh, I see. No talk of traveling the world over, or of lilies wafting down a river?"

"Absolutely not," Viola replied, shivering. "Can we turn on the lights, please? It's dark in here."

"The emergency lights are always on in the stairwell. It will be brighter within the hallways, because there's always someone checking up on the children."

"Children?" Christopher asked, startled. "How old are they?"

"In mind or body?" River asked, head cocked to the side. "For they are not the same here."

Christopher braced himself as River pulled open the door, but there was nothing leaping out at them. Light spilled forth, bright and almost blinding after the dim stairwell. The stairs continued down in darkness.

"Level third, the third malboge," River murmured, gesturing dramatically toward the empty doorway. "Though we do not sin the same, we shall meet the children and play the Piper to lead them all to safety."

"Later, you an' me gotta talk about this weird thing you got with words," Jayne muttered, shaking his head. Gun drawn, he stepped into the hallway. He ducked his head back in after a moment. "I don't see nobody. But heads up, guns out and eyes peeled. I don't trust this place 'till it sees my backside, _dong ma?"_

River giggled as the others nodded. They stepped out into the hallway, then shut the stairwell door behind them.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

***

Simon was accompanied by Jeremy and three shock troops from Sarah Kelly's ground crew on the _Hyacinth._ It had been a close call with the secretary in front of the main administration building, but Simon had laid on the charm and used his best surgeon's voice. It had worked, and they had gone into the building unmolested. The halls were too empty, and their footsteps echoed.

"I don't like this," Jeremy murmured. He looked around uneasily, wary of every shadow.

"Looks like they took an early day today," one trooper said.

"It would've been like this if we'd been here tomorrow," Simon said, looking around. He remembered the way to the advanced testing ground. He remembered the way to the labs. It was amazing how the memory was flooding back. He led the way to through the building to the outer courtyard. There were no students milling about, and there was no sign of the usual security measures anywhere in the outer ring of buildings.

"This is too empty," one trooper murmured.

"It's only the outer ring," Simon replied. "The inner one should have the people we expect. We'll need to find the main admin office."

"This looks like a setup," one trooper intoned.

The skin along Simon's spine and scalp crawled. He resisted the urge to scratch his scalp ragged. It was too quiet.

They followed the signs to "Main Administration." Now, there were some muted voices and sounds of life. They all looked at each other, and the troopers tightened their hold on their laser rifles. This was it.

The first room went down quickly. Simon squelched down any remorse he might have had. In the inner ring of buildings, no one was innocent. Everyone knew what was going on with the students, and they all had a hand in it. This particular room, in fact, was filled with the test administrators. They had been reviewing data from the latest round of exams. They were trying to see who would advance to higher levels of training within the Program and who should remain behind to complete training as assistants.

In the Academy, only the students were innocent. And even then, by the time they hit the Third Level, most of that had been burned away.

Simon pulled off his gloves and shoved them into the pocket of the uniform Steven had provided him on landing. He touched the closest administrator and felt his consciousness fade. _None of the Fifth Level can advance. The Fifth and Sixth Classes can advance up within the Level, but that's about it for there. No diamonds in that rough._

Simon pulled back abruptly, the cold voice still ringing through his mind. He touched the gun at his hip, relieved that the metal didn't carry any memories for him. The cold jolted him back to the present, and he looked at Jeremy as he stood. None of these men knew about the legacy he had been born with, and there was no need to tell them.

"They won't talk now," he said, turning toward the desk. Reams of papers covered with numbers were scattered across the table. "These look like exam scores."

"Useless, then," one of the troopers said, looking around the room. "Let's head out and take the next one."

It was like that for the next three rooms. Fourth, Third and Second Level scores were being compared, with some students highlighted for eventual advancement. Apparently, there were seven Levels and seven Classes within each Level. Simon remembered that River had been First Class of the First Level. She had been the hardest to get to.

Simon recognized officers within the First Class room. Some were fast enough to bolt through a side door; alarms would sound soon if they weren't fast enough. He bolted after them, knowing that the shock troops could handle anything in the room behind him. Simon drew his gun as he ran, but wasn't fool enough to try shooting and running at the same time. He wasn't a good shot when his hands were steady, and there was a fine tremor within them now. He was pushing himself too hard, but there was no other way around it. He had to.

He followed them down the hall and around the corner. One was screaming for help, but there was no one else there. Only the administrators and high ranking officers were present. All collateral and clerical staff were gone. Even security was down to a skeleton crew, and they were focused more on the outer ring of buildings.

Simon felled one, using the wall to brace himself. His next two shots went wide. He took off again, racing after the last two men.

They ran into an office labeled "Director of Operations." One man continued yelling for help all the while, not yet realizing that they were alone.

There was a man behind the desk, speaking into his wave machine. He paused as the two men raced into the room. "It's an attack!" the screamer cried.

The man behind the desk rose. He was impeccably dressed in an impeccable gray suit, his gray hair combed back smoothly. A slim Hispanic girl was sitting stiffly on the couch to his left, wearing a white cheong sam and a smooth metal collar around her neck. She didn't take her eyes off the man in the gray suit. Neither testing administrator paid her any mind; she had been there for a long time.

"Is it? Is it really?"

Simon shot them in the back from the doorway. "Really," he said, a grim expression on his face. Five bullets left in his clip. He had to make them count, and couldn't dare move from the door frame. It was the only thing allowing him to maintain his balance and shoot at the same time. The two men on the floor weren't dead yet, only wounded. The other man down the hall had been as well, but Simon hadn't spared him a second glance. He couldn't afford to.

"Ah... Simon. I hadn't been expecting you today."

_This is the one that Mother calls Father,_ Simon realized with startling clarity. _The oily voice on the other side of the wave machine when I was a child... She never let us see him, never let us near the machine. This is the man only known as Father. This is the one that rules the Academy to fuel his Project. This is the one that destroyed our family..._

Simon shot him three times in the chest.

The man fell backward, a stunned expression on his face. He knocked over the wave machine, and it shattered on the floor. The girl on the couch didn't even flinch; Simon wondered if she had been drugged to remain so unresponsive.

Simon walked over to Father, gun out and ready. The blood was pooling around him, growing wider by the moment. His eyes stared glassily out of his face, and his mouth had fallen open. He had probably thought that Simon wouldn't shoot, that he would remember his oath from Med Acad. _Do no harm._ But his need for revenge outweighed his need to be a doctor, and the need for justice outweighed everything.

He looked up, startled at the sound of someone at the door. He raised his gun instinctively, though he knew that any shot he fired would knock him backward. He needed the appearance of menace, even if he couldn't follow through. He was playing the as-if game, just as he had with River when they were children.

It was a woman. She was lithe, dressed completely in black. Her dark hair was swept up into a classic twist, and her catlike eyes watched every twitch in Simon's hands. She was frightening, even though Simon couldn't explain why.

"Hello, Simon," she said, her voice as smooth as polished glass. "I've been waiting for you." She stepped into the room and calmly removed a gun from her side holsters. She shot twice, each bullet burying itself deeply into the skull of a test administrator. She ignored the Hispanic girl on the couch, and kept her eyes locked on Simons. She hadn't seemed to even look at the two men on the ground. According to Kaylee, River had shot a pistol the same way.

Thinking of Kaylee burned a hole in his gut. He couldn't think of her now. He had to find her.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Corrine," she said, moving closer. "They made me."

"What level are you?"

She smiled, and it was like looking at shark's teeth. "Specialist. I was number five."

Simon felt his spine crawl. "Really?"

"But I became something more. I became a conglomerate, a thing of many minds and skills. They did not expect that complication." She stepped closer, slowly, her eyes never leaving Simon's face. "I don't think anyone expected that kind of complication. They merely thought I would develop another telepathic skill."

Psychic. Gods, River had been in the psychic development program.

"Stop where you are," Simon said, voice harsh. She did so immediately, startling him. _Even Specialists bleed,_ he thought.

"His was the will of the Project. Did you know that he had another in mind for you? That he would have paired you with some other girl with appropriate genes? The girl your father had picked for social and business reasons also had the appropriate gene pool. Her aunt was a gifted psychic and illusionist that somehow escaped their clutches. Having her genes added to your own would have been a boon to the Project."

"How do you know this?"

"I've been discovering things since my creation. I've been data gathering. I have observed. I have learned." She smiled suddenly, and Simon was again reminded of shark teeth. He resisted the urge to step back from her. "I can share this with you."

"I don't think so. I like my mind right where it is."

Her smile softened, amazingly enough. "I understand. I didn't mean that. I've stopped. I don't think I would assimilate another mind."

"Sorry if I don't believe you."

"His mind will soon be useless to you," Corrine murmured softly. "Brains liquefy after death. I don't know how long that takes, but you're losing memories." Simon's eyes flicked to the Hispanic girl, and he nearly flinched when Corrine laughed. "She's a burnt out shell. He's abused her for far too long. They all do, after a point."

"What do you mean?"

"There's only three of us now, the Specialists. Myself, Ferdinand and Annabelle. Anna holds your wife-to-be safe from harm. Ferdinand stalks these halls, trying to regain the composure he lost at your sister's new family's hands. And here I am, something other than what I thought I would be. It's a most odd thing."

Simon watched her move over to the couch and sit beside the Hispanic girl. She stroked the girl's face, staring at Simon. The Hispanic girl didn't seem to notice her touch, and didn't react when Corrine moved to cup a breast through the fabric of her dress. Corrine leaned in and kissed the girl's cheek gently. "Sara, _mi alma,_ you still look beautiful." A single tear fell down the girl's cheek, and Corrine licked it from her skin. She rolled her thumb across Sara's nipple, and Simon could see the fabric drawn tight around a metal clamp. Corrine kissed Sara's temple. "We can let you go, now. You can go back home now." Silent tears rolled down Sara's cheeks, and Corrine's hand moved to slide down the girl's flat stomach. "Your family still loves you. He lied to you so he could keep you here with him. He lied a lot."

"They sold me," Sara whispered hoarsely. She held herself still, nearly shaking in the effort to keep from moving beneath Corrine's hands.

Simon could only guess what else was present beneath the dress, and he could feel the resolve within him crumble. _Dear Buddha, please say River never went through this..._

Corrine licked the outer shell of Sara's ear. "We can bring you home, _mi alma._ They will welcome you home."

"He made me a whore."

"You are their daughter, and they still love you."

"What are you doing?" Simon hissed, stepping forward. He watched Corrine's hands slide down the dress, then lift it up to bare Sara's legs. He stopped abruptly, looking at the scarred skin in horror. Thick lines like railroad tracks traced the skin, and there were large mottled bruises.

"She needs healing, Dr. Tam," Corrine murmured. She kissed Sara's temple, her hand moving slowly beneath the dress. "Look at what he did, that monster on the floor. I'm something other than what they made me, and they made me into a monster. But I'm not that, and I don't think I ever could be." Sara made a soft whimpering noise that she stifled quickly. Simon didn't want to think of how she must have learned to do that. "Sh... It's going to get better. We're here now. You don't have to stay here."

"What did he do?" Simon asked in hushed tones. He put the gun back in his holster and knelt down beside Sara, across from Corrine.

"The correct question is what didn't he do." Corrine used her other hand to begin unsnapping the buttons on the dress, keeping her one hand tucked firmly between the girl's thighs. Simon would have normally been appalled to be watching this, but somehow he couldn't tear his eyes away.

"What didn't he do?" he asked once it was obvious Corrine wasn't going to speak again. Sara's mouth had fallen open in surprise.

"He didn't love her," Corrine murmured softly, pulling the dress open. There were clamps over both nipples, and the railroad tracks of scars continued up and over every expanse of skin. Corrine's right hand continued to work Sara's body steadily. She slowly released the clamps, and Sara gasped, her back arching from the couch. Corrine threw them aside, then bent her head down. She licked the closest nipple gently, then looked over at Simon. "He never loved her."

Simon watched as Corrine adjusted position. She continued to rub Sara's clit, and she bent her head to suckle on one of Sara's breasts. The girl moaned, her head finally falling back against the couch. Her hands fell from her sides, and Simon could see more scars lining the insides of her arms. There were scars and large purple-black bruises all over her body, wherever it would have easily been covered up by clothing. He watched as Corrine brought the girl to startled orgasm, and gently laid her down across the couch. She brushed the hair away from Sara's face, and let the dress fall down to cover her.

Corrine slid from the couch and knelt in front of Simon. "I don't know what I am, but I'm not him. And I don't want to die. I just don't have a purpose anymore. I don't know what they made me for, because they didn't mean to make me."

Simon staggered back a step, and reached out to grasp the back of Father's chair. "I don't know what to tell you."

"Read him," Corrine urged. "Read whatever's left of him, and then you'll see how far it goes."

He moved backward slowly, then knelt over the body. He touched Father's cool forehead, and could feel everything fall away. He was sinking in cloudy memories, sticky as molasses. He couldn't find his way, couldn't make sense of the foggy images he could see.

Suddenly Corrine's arms wrapped around him, her face pressed to his back. Simon could feel her mind press through his and then reach Father's. Suddenly everything sharpened, and he could see the entire life unfold in front of him. Every detail, every shocking depravity, every callous disregard for human life. He could see everything, and he knew everything.

Simon fell back and landed on his bottom when Corrine let go of him. She watched him, taking in everything. She said nothing.

"What did you do?" he asked finally.

"I sharpened your gaze. I made it clear."

"How?"

"I made a few changes in how you were seeing. You have to shift perspective. You have to dive into him, become him for a time. You have to see through his eyes in the plane of his soul. You have to take in his memories and make them yours."

_This is how they made her by accident. This is how she swallowed them all up,_ Simon realized suddenly. _She can read thoughts, and she just took them all in._

"Things can't stay as they are," Simon gasped.

"No, they can't. Anna's coming," Corrine said suddenly, cocking her head to the side. "They didn't know, and Anna's coming. She brought a friend."

"What are you talking about?"

"The third Specialist remaining. She carries your wife-to-be with her."

Simon blinked in surprise and then pushed himself to his feet. "I have to go to her."

"Landing area three is in the south outer ring. It will take some time to get there."

"You stay here," Simon said, when he saw Corrine starting to stand.

"What would I do? There isn't any place for me anymore."

"Run it," Simon replied after a moment's thought. Corrine looked confused, so Simon hurried to explain himself. "You know what happened here, and you know how things ran. You know how to stop it, then. You need to run this place so that it never happens again."

She looked thoughtful. "Oh. Oh, that was unexpected. I didn't think you would do that."

"If anything's still standing, they'll need a leader," Simon replied, moving to the door. "Landing area three?" Corrine nodded, bringing her hand up as a farewell.

She watched him leave the room, then sat down on the couch beside Sara's sprawled form. She ran her fingers through the girl's hair, staring out in front of her.

Strange, the way things happened. Stranger still to have a purpose again.

***  
***


	46. Brace Yourself

Inara nearly gagged at the dank smell in Building 17. It had looked like one of those forgotten buildings in the back of the complex, the kind that wave stories always had the secrets stored away in. Everything was rusted over and worn out, and it seemed as though the building had become a place for storage. But beneath the scent of mold and rust and disuse was the unmistakable odor of decay. Whether it was an animal or a human was impossible to tell, and Inara stepped very carefully through the dirty hallways.

Sarah didn't seem perturbed at all. Inara had to wonder about her, about what would make her shell crack apart. _It won't be pretty when she does,_ Inara decided. _She'll probably take everyone down with her._

Inara held her crossbow in the ready position as she moved through the building. She and one of the shock troops went up the stairs to the second level, leaving Sarah and three troops down below to check out the massive maze of rooms. From the outside, it had been clear that the second floor was much smaller than the first, though it had been impossible to tell why from the outside of the building.

The upper level was pristine.

"Something's not right here," Inara murmured, looking at the trooper. "How can it be so clean here and dirty downstairs?" In fact, the demarcation had been the stairwell, which had been locked until they had forced it open.

Had something been trapped downstairs?

The search of the upper level was quick. The rooms were all empty, stripped down to the bare white walls. There was no indication what they might have been used for. The door at the end of the hall had a chain lock, which was easily broken. The door led to the roof of the building, which was covered in gravel and the occasional vent leading to the outside. There was nothing of interest on the roof, nothing to indicate the building's purpose.

The sound of gunfire sent them back down to the first floor.

_Someone was locked in here,_ Inara thought with certainty. She wasn't sure why she was so convinced of it, but she knew it had to be true. _Someone dangerous had been locked away in here, and they wanted to forget about it. This was the most easily disposed of building, since it was too small anyway. Someone failed the experiment. Something went wrong and they couldn't control it anymore. But rather than killing the poor creature, they locked it away in the building and the maze of corridors, slowly driving it utterly insane._

The shock trooper pushed Inara behind him when they reached the landing of the stairwell down to the first floor. "Stay behind me and brace yourself, Miss Serra," he said. She was amazed at how exceedingly polite he was, even in danger. "We don't know what we'll find."

_Death,_ she thought, even as she nodded in agreement. She had her crossbow and a quiver full of arrows, and a laser rifle just in case. She had hoped there wouldn't be a just in case, but here they were. It was the Academy, and there was a whole lot of darkness just waiting beneath the surface of the school.

He kicked open the door and checked out the hallway first. High, then low, then he strafed across the hall. Inara followed swiftly, ignoring the rot that she was stepping in. She would have to dispose of the boots she was wearing, even if they were _Hyacinth_ uniforms. The stench would be horrific.

They moved in tandem down the hallway, checking each and every room. They were all dirty, filled with rusted equipment. The windows had all been boarded over from the inside, and every light in the building was on but smeared with something. Inara refused to think of what it might be. Right now, the eerie silence was more disconcerting than the sound of gunfire.

They checked every hallway, but found nothing. Sarah and the others were simply gone, and there was nothing to indicate where they might have been. The trooper couldn't even find spent casings from the shells of the rifle. "I don't understand it," he said, frustrated. They were in a dead end hallway, backs facing the wall. "This doesn't make sense."

"There has to be another way out of here," Inara mused, looking at the trooper. "A way down, maybe. The way up was locked, but what if they had never locked the way down?"

"The sewers?" he asked, wrinkling his nose.

Inara's stomach churned. Yes, that would have to be the sewers again. But it made the most sense, and so she nodded. Even as she did so, a shadow detached itself from the wall in front of them. Almost without thinking, Inara shot her crossbow at it.

The eyes blinked in shock as the arrow pierced its abdomen. The figure was over six feet tall and smeared in mud and whatever else it could find, and had been pressed up flat against the wall. If not for the movement, Inara would never have seen it.

"Oh," it said, sounding an awful lot like a little girl. "Ow."

The trooper raised his gun. "What in the holy hell is going on here?"

The six foot seven inch girl smiled, revealing two rows of cracked teeth. "Oh, we're not in hell yet," she said sweetly, pulling the arrow from her abdomen. Blood spurted from the wound, and she quickly spread the muddy substance over it. "Not yet, not yet, not yet."

"Stay back," the trooper commanded, gun aimed at her chest.

"Where are the others?" Inara asked, voice gentle. It was almost like the days when River had first been released from the cryobox, before her mind had settled a bit.

"Away, away, away. Way away. Far away. Way. Yes, way away. Away. Way," the girl sing-songed, stepping backward. Her mouth closed, and the only thing distinguishing her from the other shadows were her eyes. If she closed them, she would be lost.

"Where away? Can we follow?"

"No. The dark took them. The dark stole them. Dark." Her laughter was high and shrill, and she put her hands to her ears. Her eyes shut, and she almost blended perfectly in the shadows. "Move so safe, but not safe. Not safe, not safe, never safe. The dark with teeth is there. The dark will eat them! Eat them right up! Safer here, but they went into the dark!"

"Where? Here?"

"Followed here. Here. Here!"

Inara could feel the trooper's frustration behind her. She stepped forward, dropping her crossbow to her side. "What's your name? My name is Inara."

"'Nara. Pretty. Pretty." Her eyes opened to peek at them, her hands still over her ears. "They don't name creatures. They only name pretty ones."

"What are you talking about?"

"They give new names to the pretty ones. Ferdie, Algie, Annie, Rinny and Kitty-Kat. They don't give the ugly ones names. I'm an ugly one. They told me so with their eyes."

Inara could feel her heart breaking. "Is that why you're here?"

"Too dangerous. Unstable. Defective. Defunct. Can't kill, hurt them back and tore them to pieces for food. They don't leave food here."

Inara thought she would choke, but swallowed it down. "Do you remember the name you had before here?"

The girl began to wail, moving to the wall and beating it with her fists. "No! No, no, no!"

"Can I name you, then?" Inara asked gently, taking another step forward. "If I pick out a nice and pretty name for you, will that be better?"

The girl stopped and blinked at her. "What? I deserve a name?"

"Of course you do! A nice and pretty one. You must be a pretty girl under all of that dirt, there."

The girl sniffled and wiped at her face. "No water here. They shut it all down, but I can't die. I couldn't die." She suddenly brightened at Inara. "Can you help me die? I can't do it by myself, I tried so hard. It never worked."

"If that's what you want," Inara said slowly. "I think you should be named Mina."

The girl blinked, then clapped her hands. "Oh, yes. I like that name. Oh, yes. It's a pretty, pretty name, like a star. Like the star they used to map this place from beginning to end, spiral to the center, off and on, wonder and wander to the middle."

Inara didn't register the words, but she picked up her laser rifle. "All right, Mina. This might hurt, you know. I don't know of a nicer way to kill you."

She smiled beatifically at Inara. "Your sister was pretty, too, wasn't she?"

Inara froze, horrified for a second. Then she forced herself to relax. "Yes, she was. That's why I named you after her," she said, voice breaking. "Because you're as beautiful as she was."

"I'm ready, then, 'Nara." She smiled at Inara with childlike innocence. "And I'll tell the first Mina how much you still love her, enough to name me after her."

"Yes."

Inara closed her eyes as she fired, unable to watch. She choked back a sob and ran from the corridor as soon as she could, as soon as she heard the soft wet plop of the body hitting the dirty floor beneath her.

She could hear the footsteps of the shock trooper behind her. Inara let go of her weapons, letting them fall to her sides. She put her hands to her face and sobbed, unable to stop.

"Miss Serra," the trooper said. She heard a soft sound, and looked up. He had taken off his helmet and was looking at her with soft eyes. "I'm sorry."

"She was stillborn. I was seven. Buddha help me, I haven't thought of her since then."

"It's all right. She's dead."

_It's not all right!_ Inara wanted to scream. She wiped the tears from her eyes and watched as the trooper replaced his helmet. He reached down to get her weapons from the floor, and he handed them to her with reverence. _It's not all right. Nothing's all right. None of this is right, she shouldn't have been kept here like this._

"She said it was built like a star," Inara began.

"She's also crazy," the trooper replied.

"She's been locked in here for years. But what did the Academy look like from aerial shots?"

The trooper thought for a moment, then seemed to startle. "The Captain said it looked like a pentagram. She's Wiccan," he added as an afterthought.

"Those are stars, aren't they?"

"I believe so."

"Then that means the objective is to get to the center. That must be where everyone is. We'll have to contact the others and tell them. We'll have to go through the outer circle and work our way in to the center of the pentagram to finish this."

_If we can,_ she thought. She didn't say it, and followed the trooper out of the building.

***

Mal had heard only vague descriptions of the Academy until the strategic meeting with the other ships. Only then did he realize the scope of the complex, and just how massive their undertaking really was. Even so, nothing compared to seeing it in person.

The outer training courtyards had been empty, making them look larger than they were. The lower floors of the administration building were empty. He knew Simon's team was heading up to the offices. His team was to head to the back of the complex. Simon had never been there, and Steven had been very vague as to what was supposed to be in that part of the complex. River had shrugged her shoulders in an un-Riverlike way during the meeting, but Mal hadn't known if it was because she was being obstinate or if she really didn't know.

Mal looked over at Zoe. Julian, Troy and two of their security officers were with them. "Ready?"

"As ever, sir," Zoe replied, rifle in hand. She had rejected the offer of a laser rifle, preferring to use her own.

They moved through the hallways, heading into the hidden heart of the Academy. Mal felt a vague foreboding, like the feeling before an aerial assault. _Something wicked this way comes,_ he thought to himself.

_Open locks, whoever knocks!_ a voice replied directly into his mind.

Startled, Mal nearly dropped his gun. He went staggering into the wall from the force of the resultant laughter. He brought a hand up to his temple in pain, and he could barely hear Zoe's "Sir?" of concern. _Who are you?_ he thought as hard as he could.

_No need to shout,_ the voice replied sulkily.

_It hurts!_

_Oh. Sorry about that._

And then suddenly it was silent. Mal was alone in his own mind again.

He looked around at the others, blinking in confusion. "You didn't hear nothing, did you?"

They all shook their heads. "Are you feeling all right, Malcolm?" Julian asked.

_"Gorram_ mind readers. No wonder they're batty here. It really hurts!"

They looked around. "So they know we're here," Zoe murmured.

"They always knew it," Mal intoned. "It's them in there that allowed this to happen. They could've warned the bigwigs away if they really had a mind to. We're just pawns to all them, things to push around and play with."

_That's not a nice thing to say,_ the voice told him, much softer this time.

Mal stopped cold in his tracks, and the others paused around him. "You hearing it again, sir?" Zoe asked in concern.

"I must be going crazy," Mal murmured.

"I can see that happening," Zoe replied in her driest voice. Mal made a face at her while one of the guards smothered his snicker.

_I can help you, if you want it,_ the voice continued patiently. _You'll see why when you get here._

Why do I got the feeling that this is going to be messy? Mal thought at the voice.

_Because it is. Because that's what they do if they can't figure you out. I was the first in line, and your pilot is only the latest._ The voice laughed in his mind, sounding like a hollow tinkling bell. _The history is only part of the equation. Someone had to teach their little birds how to fly._

I have no idea what you're talking about, Mal thought honestly at the voice. _Do I even wanna know what it is you're talking 'bout?_

Come and find me, and then you'll see. Then you'll understand.

"Is everything all right?" Troy asked in concern.

Mal straightened. "They want us to come in and see what's been goin' on."

"Think it's safe?" Zoe asked.

"Oh, hell no," Mal replied. "But I don't think we got a choice in the matter anymore."

"That appears most evident," Julian replied with a sigh. "Everyone should stay at the ready."

They moved down the hallway, letting Mal and the voice in his mind guide the way. If this was what it was like for River, Mal decided that it was perfectly all right for her to be a little bit witchy. It was hard enough keeping his own thoughts straight, let alone someone else's rattling around in his brainpan. River sounded like she heard more than one at any given moment, and the control she had must have been staggering.

_Now, you understand,_ the voice crooned. _It's always been about control._

They moved into a large rotunda that opened over a gallery. In the center was a large metal box that gave Mal the shivers. There was one panel that gave readings that looked eerily similar to some of Simon's medial equipment.

_It is,_ Mal realized in horror. _There's the heartbeat._

The voice in his mind was soft and sad. _It's_ my _heartbeat._

"Oh, well now that makes sense," he told the voice out loud in his most sarcastic tone. "You're the one in there? No air or nothing?"

_Come on down and see._

With a snort, Mal led the way down the side stairs to the large metal box. It was odd, being absolutely confident that no one was around to interrupt. Usually he would have had his gun in hand, and he would have been fairly trigger happy if he heard any noises. Maybe it was because there were no noises. Maybe it was because they knew that this voice's owner wanted them there and wanted them there alive.

Nothing made sense anymore anyway.

Mal could see the readings on the display screen, but he didn't know how to read them. There was the heartbeat, the breathing, whatever other vitals they monitored. It looked like blood pressure, pulse and a bevy of other things he couldn't even guess at. He wasn't much more than a first aid medic, and even those skills were rusty by now.

"Here's a button to view," Troy said, looking at the panel. Zoe, Julian and the two guards had taken up position around them, just in case. "I think we can look inside."

Mal rubbed at his nose, which had started to itch. The back of his hand came away smeared with blood. He looked at Troy. "When did this start?"

Troy looked up, startled. "Just now."

_Open me,_ the voice commanded. _Open me and see what they have done. Look at what they do to get what they need,_ the voice said, volume spiraling up in anger. _Look upon me and see the monster they have created!_

"Shoot it," Mal ground out, holding on to his head. He could feel the blood run down from his nose. What was it about noses that made them easy bleeding targets? Simon explained it to him once after he had been punched in the face on a job. Something about a plexus, thin skin and dried up mucus. Just mentioning the mucus had been enough to turn his stomach.

"But..."

"I ain't looking in this thing, and I got a whopping headache. You don't stop it, I'll be shooting you instead!"

Zoe had turned to face them, and Julian cried out in warning. A crew of four guards had just entered the room, rifles in hand. Zoe completed her turn, firing. She didn't even register the blood on Mal's face and shirt until after she had felled her target. She didn't start to wonder about it until after the second was down, and the other two had been taken out of commission by the two guards. Julian's face was ashen, the laser gun in his hand. He had hit the second one just at the same time as Zoe's bullet had taken out his throat.

"What are we looking at, sir?" she asked.

"Don't know, don't much care. The thing said it was first in line and our Albatross is just the latest. I'm thinking it's related to that Project thing they like to talk about so much. Better just destroy it all."

There was no voice in his mind telling him yes or no. It was painfully silent.

"I think we should see what we're blowing up, in case it's a trap," Troy said, hand hovering over the keys. "If it's a bomb..."

"Looking might be a trap, too," Zoe replied. "We don't know nothing about this except a little voice told him to come here." She turned to Mal. "No disrespect, sir. But we really don't know what we're dealing with."

"What would a crazed man do?" Julian asked softly.

"What?"

"We are in a land of psychics, most of which we perceive to be insane. So what would one of them do? The powerful ones are controlled somehow. How would one of them handle this? How would the establishment try to prevent their escape? We must think as they do."

"That's plenty dangerous, Julian," Mal replied heavily, wiping at his face. He looked at his hand in disgust and wiped his hand on his pants. "This is dangerous enough."

"They want us to open the box. The establishment would not. Troy, look at the panel more closely. What is the risk?"

He poked about at the panel, at the labels and buttons. He frowned, then slowly peeled off the labels, careful not to hit any buttons.

The labels had been switched.

Mal looked at Julian, eyebrow raised. "It would've been bad, wouldn't it?"

"I would have done it," he replied gravely.

The voice that had been in Mal's mind laughed. "Oh, you pass, you pass."

They all whirled around. Above them was a slender wraith of a figure dressed in a flowing white gown. The head was shorn bald, and Mal guessed that it was male.

"They thought they could trap me there. Your arrival gave me the chance to escape."

"So who's in there?"

"No one now," he replied, leaning down over the edge of the rotunda. "I was nice enough to seal the other entrances. I didn't seal the one I exited through. I couldn't, because I had destroyed the panel in my exit." He didn't look particularly sorry.

"So now what?"

"They kept me in there for forty years," he said, voice soft. It echoed throughout the gallery. "I was there for forty years. I taught the children how to think appropriately for the scraps of sunlight that they gave me." He tilted his head to the side and regarded the group. "Funny, how we all break when something is applied with the proper pressure. We all break. Even you, even me. Everyone breaks eventually. No one is immune." His smile was wide and horrific; every tooth was replaced with metal. "Least of all those of flesh."

"That made no sense," Mal snapped. "What now?"

"Down below are more levels. Dare you to try them?"

"Where are you going?" Zoe asked, rifle at the ready.

"To see the sun. I hear it's a beautiful day outside."

"And then?"

"And then it turns me to ashes," he replied, light shining off of his metal teeth. "These teeth will be all to find of me."

"You could've stopped them at any time."

"Not when it's effort to walk or breathe," he said softly. "Not when the mind was developed at the expense of the body. I was the first experiment. I led them on their path. When I grew too frail, the box kept my body alive so the mind could continue to develop. I've been in that box for forty years. Can you comprehend that?"

_I understand and I comprehend,_ River used to say.

"The dear girl," he said fondly. "Descended through my brother's line," he added with a murmur, smiling at them. "Take care of her. She doesn't know where her limits lie yet."

"And you?" Troy challenged.

"They've shattered my belief," he replied softly. "Let the sun blind me further and render me to ashes. Let the wind scatter what's left of my bones, let the world breathe me in. This is a shell that is no longer useful to anyone, least of all me." His grin was wide and insane. "Let the new generations rise and fall. It's time for the old guard to die."

They watched as he ran back the way they came.

Mal looked around the group. "Anyone catch any of that?"

"I think we should be glad he didn't kill us," one of the guards replied.

"Sounds good enough to me," Mal replied. "So we're going down?"

"Seems like it," Zoe said with a shrug. "You think you can trust him?"

"No. But I don't trust anybody and anything, remember?" Mal said with a smile. Julian's smile was bitter and wavering, and Mal almost regretted his remark.

There was the distant sound of gunfire on the level above, where they had come from and the strange man had gone. There was also the sound of gunfire through the entrance the four guards had come through.

"Fire above and fire below," Julian murmured. He looked around. "We might as well go down below. We haven't been there yet, and not many teams were assigned to this part of the complex structure. We might be the only ones that made it this far."

Mal snorted. "I can pretty much guarantee it. It's too damn quiet for us to have friendly company down this way."

After taking a moment to check their weapons, they headed into the doorway.

***  
***


	47. Step Across The Gap

"Something isn't working correctly."

Jayne touched River's elbow lightly. "Trap?"

"Not as such. Not as you would define it."

"So? What's it gonna be? Some scared kid we gotta be nice to?"

"The Specialist. The one that did not die in the desert." She turned to face Jayne, and looked around at the rest of the group. "Where did Kara go?"

They were startled by her question, and looked around. "She was right behind me," Christopher protested. He carried an alarmed look on his face, and gripped his gun tighter. "She didn't even go into that last room."

"Then the voices led her elsewhere," River murmured. "That can't be helped."

"And then there were five," Viola intoned. She held a gun in her right hand and a homemade bomb in her left. "I don't like this."

"It is not optimal," River replied. "But we will persist and we will persevere and they will lead us where we need to go."

"I don't trust it," Victoria insisted. "How do we know they're even going to help us?"

Jayne eyed her darkly, and she subsided. "They know this place better than we do. We'll trust it 'till we know otherwise."

For some reason, the third level was full of empty rooms. Some of the doors had already been opened, and some of the rooms held dead bodies in varying stages of decay. The stench had been horrific, and it was difficult to understand how most of them died.

"We have to go down," Viola said in a small voice. "This isn't where the students are."

River nodded slowly. "Back to the spiral stair."

The dim light of the stairwell swallowed them up.

On the level below them, Kara blinked and looked up. She had been following Christopher when she had noticed the office tucked into the hallway between the different holding cells. She had told him to wait a moment while she checked it out, and she had fallen though the trapdoor in the floor. It had apparently been unlatched, and Kara had never thought to look up or down. She had fallen an entire flight, but she didn't feel as though she was hurt too badly. She was more stunned than anything else.

The whispers were louder here.

_We're drowning. We're dying. He's brought in the flood of death._

Kara could hear the children on this level, whispering amongst themselves and directing words toward her. She could feel the press of their thoughts against her, through her, around her. She could feel their consciousness drift away from her mind, then slide under her skin and beneath her eyes. They whispered, they laughed. The children were afraid for them. _He's here,_ they told her. _He's on the second level, he's stalking the halls and feeling our fear. He drinks it in, he steals our souls. He wants to destroy us all to find the secret to finding River Tam. He thinks she will be his road to glory._

She shook her head and pushed herself up to her feet. Her guns and her bow seemed undamaged, and she checked the sight. It was still slightly crooked in the same way it had been back at the family reunion. She could still shoot it just fine.

_Come out, come out wherever you are,_ she thought, pushing her way out of the room. It was apparently an escape route if one of the floors ever got hostile toward Academy staff and the students had managed to escape their cells.

Kara slipped down the hall, checking each and every door. There were various tags on each door, some of them marked "Biohazard" or "Contamination Protocols Only." She left those doors alone, not knowing what to do with them. The room behind them was dark, so it was impossible for her to tell who or what was behind each door.

"Hello, little girl. You look lost."

Kara whirled around, gun in hand. Ferdinand stood in front of her, dressed in black. She could see wet patches on the black fabric; she assumed it was blood, as he was reeking of it. "You should have died in the desert. They should've shot you in the head when we got the chance to do it right."

Her only reply was hollow laughter.

He closed his fist around her throat, and his other hand knocked hers aside. He rushed forward, slamming her into the wall. The gun went off in her hands almost reflexively, and it grazed his ribs. He laughed at her, narrow eyes nearly shut. Kara could feel the pressure begin to build in her lungs, and her vision was graying at the edges. "Did you think you could really hurt me? Nothing hurts me."

_I'm going to die,_ Kara thought. Somehow, she didn't feel surprise or anger. It seemed almost inevitable at this point.

She brought up her left hand to his wrists, bracing herself. Her broken nails digging into the soft undersides of his wrists didn't faze him one bit. Her right scrabbled at his chest, trying to push him away. He was laughing – _oh God oh God I'm going to die and Horace will be all alone now and my chest hurts like that hole got all ripped up_– and her vision began to get spotty. She tried so desperately to breathe, then her right hand fell against her own waist.

She was still carrying her hunting knife.

Inspired, Kara pulled out the knife and buried it to the hilt into Ferdinand's gut. He howled in pain, his hands freezing in place. Sucking in a lungful of air gratefully, Kara twisted the knife and _pulled,_ widening the wound. He howled again, and the sound was loud over the blood rushing past her ears.

Ferdinand's face was frightening to behold. It was a mask of pain and anger, a twisted caricature of his formerly handsome features. He shook her, slamming her head into the wall. Her grip on everything loosened, and she could hear the knife clatter to the floor. She nearly slipped in his grasp, but she tightened her left hand and kept herself somewhat upright.

"You'll wish you hadn't done that," he hissed at her, lips drawn back to expose his teeth. For a horrifying moment, Kara thought he was going to tear her throat out with his teeth.

She pushed against his belly, the warm wet blood washing over her hand. Her fingers slipped into the gaping wound, and then she _pushed_ against it. Her hand slid into the wound, and she grabbed whatever she could get hold of. Ferdinand howled, shook her, and tried to pull away from her. Kara gave a hard yank as she fell from his grasp, and was stunned when she landed on the floor. She was sitting on her ass, a handful of intestine in her hand. Ferdinand was standing three feet away from her, loops of intestine strung out between them. He was howling, reaching for the gun at his hip holster.

Kara yanked hard again, and the force of it pulled Ferdinand's center of gravity out from under him. He fell to his back, and Kara tried to push herself to her feet. She used the wall for balance, not sure if she could stand on her own two feet.

He was unraveling before her eyes, crying and whimpering.

"This is what you did to people," Kara hissed, squeezing the intestine in her hand. He howled in pain, and there was the dim sound of feet running. _Gorram_ it. She didn't have time to torture him properly, make him feel the extent of the pain he had inflicted in others. With her clean left hand, Kara pulled her crossbow from her back. The sight was completely broken now, but she knew how her bow worked. The arrow notched in place was broken as well, but not completely through. It might still fire properly.

She let it fly, and it buried itself into Ferdinand's shoulder. He yelped in pain, and tried to roll to his side to get up. Kara pulled on the intestines again, and he responded to the horrifying leash by arching his back and howling.

The voices in her head were cheering.

She couldn't notch another arrow properly, and she didn't see where her gun had fallen. The footsteps were louder now, approaching from the corridor around the bend.

Kara couldn't take her eyes off of Ferdinand's form. This was killing a man by inches. This was torturing someone. This was getting revenge for her father and Horace's wounds.

This was sickening.

"Kara."

She turned her head finally, trance broken. There were the twins, weapons in hand. Viola's glasses were skewed on her face, a smudged fingerprint on one lens. Victoria's face was ashen and pale. Had they thought it was her screaming in pain?

Jayne, River and Christopher soon met up with the twins. River's eyes took in the scene impassively, and Jayne's brows furrowed. Christopher looked pale as paper. Kara could feel her insides shatter to pieces. Part of her wanted to crumple to the floor in tears, and the other part of her wanted to lift her chin and be proud of her work. She got revenge for her family. She got even. Shouldn't that matter?

Jayne removed the choice. He fired his gun, hitting Ferdinand right between the eyes. He walked over to Kara and swept her up in a hug. Pressed tight to his chest, Kara let everything fall from her hands. She shut her eyes and breathed in his scent, full of fear and sweat. It overpowered the stench of blood on her hands, and she let the tears prick her eyelids. It _burned._

"We shoulda known you'd take care of yourself," he said, his voice a rough growl. "Shoulda known you'd whup his ass but good."

Kara tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but it hurt. "He's dead," she rasped.

Jayne pulled back suddenly, and pulled the uniform collar from her throat. He winced at the large purple bruises in the shape of fingers wrapped around her neck. "You're one lucky kid."

"Soft underbelly," she croaked, trying to smile. She blinked back the sheen of tears. "Just like hunting back home."

"Yeah," he said, nodding. His voice was rough, and Kara wondered why. Surely he hadn't gotten that attached to her already?

River stepped gracefully past the startled twins and began to peer at the warnings over the doors on either side of them. She traced some of the glyphs, murmuring to herself. "Who made the rules we follow? Who set the limits we try to break?"

Christopher looked at Kara with something akin to admiration. If it had been horror, Kara didn't think she could stand it. She squared her shoulders and walked over to River. Her borrowed uniform was spattered with thick clots of red blood, and her entire right forearm was covered in smears of blood and gut. _Push it away. He's dead now,_ she told herself. _Like gutting that first deer in Yarbrook..._

"Do you see what I see? Why do we move like this? Is it true that we're all the contaminants they wanted to call us?" River murmured, fingers tracing the "Contamination Protocol Only" sticker on the door label.

"I think they're full of _go se,"_ Kara spat, voice hard as she could make it with her rasping voice. "They made that thing on the floor."

_No, you did,_ Kara thought. Or maybe it was one of those psychic kids in her head. She couldn't tell which was which anymore.

"What does that mean, 'Contamination Protocol Only'?" Viola asked. She was righting her glasses, leaving the fingerprint in place. Kara was unsettled by that, though she couldn't explain why. Victoria remained silent, staring at Kara.

"It means that they've been here so long that we might kill them if we enter."

"He's prob'ly killed most of 'em anyhow," Jayne muttered, kicking at Ferdinand's leg for good measure. He tightened his grip on his gun and looked over the group. "Anybody still alive down on this level? He's prob'ly the one that killed 'em upstairs."

"Yes, he did," River said, looking up. She took her hand away from the door. "They want out of these cells, regardless of the risk. They wish to see light and people and know life for what it was meant to be, not what it was intended to be."

They began opening doors, one at a time, ignoring the protocol warnings. They were like prison cells, with narrow cots, a small sink, small toilet and a single exposed low-watt lightbulb above their heads. The people inside the cells were thin, clothed in hospital gowns. They were no older than River, maybe Christopher. They certainly weren't as old as Jayne. Some of them looked to be Kara's or the twins' age. They blinked owlishly against the light, thin, frail hands blocking some of it out until their eyes adjusted.

Viola knelt down next to the thin boy in the cell she had opened, reaching out her hand. "You can come out, now." He blinked at her but didn't move. "You shouldn't stay locked up in here. We've come to get you out."

"You're a test," he rasped. His voice was like sandpaper, as if he hadn't used it in a long time. He probably hadn't.

River stepped into the doorway. "No. It's the end of the Program."

The boy allowed Viola to lift him to his feet. He swayed, and Viola supported him as best as she could. "How many?" he asked.

"How many what?"

"My designation is Level Three, Class Five. How many of my designation are still here?"

"Most of the Threes are gone," River said from the doorway. "There are Threes and Fours here, whoever showed promise but would not give themselves away so cheaply."

"Oh. One." He bowed his head reverently at her. "We heard a One-One escaped."

"I'm back now," she replied. She watched as Viola helped him exit his cell.

River could feel the press of voices and secrets and abilities in the back of her mind. The Academy could keep them; she didn't want them. She watched everyone help the frail students out of their cells, knowing she had been a hair away from one herself. If her mind hadn't shattered the way it had, she would have been locked away in the dark and Simon would never have been able to find her and let her escape.

Jayne swam into her view. "Hey, now. Stop that." She hadn't realized she had been talking at all, babbling syllables that didn't make sense to him. "S'alright, yeah? That kid there says there's no other guards down this way."

Her stone, her rock, her ground, her center. Yes.

"All right. No more worries."

He grinned at her and pushed some hair from her face. "Yeah. C'mon. They say there's more downstairs. They can help open the doors."

Simon was wrong. He was just the one for her.

***

Simon was lost. That was the only explanation.

The signs to landing area three were simple enough, yet he couldn't seem to find the area to save his life. He grimaced at the thought. It was definitely the wrong phrasing given the situation they were all in. _It's almost like I'm being pulled in another direction,_ he thought.

Why couldn't he be dreaming of being with Kaylee? He could spread her legs wide, crawl between her arms and drown in the scent of her. He could kiss her, devour her breath, feel her pressed against his skin.

Shit, this wasn't the time to be thinking of sex. He could have a holiday with her when all of this was done and have all the sex that his body could handle.

He had to focus. He could do this. He had been in the top three percent at Med Acad, he had managed to get River out of this hell hole. Speaking of River... He had definitely stepped across the line on that one. She couldn't help but marry whoever was close and convenient. And once he got out of here, he would apologize to River for being an ass. He couldn't help it sometimes, but still... Jayne? She could do better than that with no effort at all.

Kaylee was here somewhere. Corrine had promised. _I'm trying to save the 'verse for you,_ he thought, turning a corner. There were no markings here, so he couldn't figure out where he was in relation to landing area three. _It seems that everybody else is so much better than I am at realizing the things that matter, and everything hits me too late. Why don't I realize what I'm doing as I'm doing it? Why did I have to be so mean to River? Why didn't I appreciate Kaylee soon enough?_

Simon turned another corner and collided with a young woman that had catlike eyes and a shock of hair around her. He backed up a step, unsure of who she was.

"You killed Uncle," she murmured softly, head cocked to the side. Her gaze as unnerving, and Simon resisted the urge to push her away.

"Who?"

"The one that your mother had called Father. The one that Ferdinand and Algernon had called Father as well." Simon couldn't follow her line of thinking right away, but now he realized who she was talking about. He felt a chill run down his spine. "He's dead. I wasn't sure if you would be able to do it."

Simon blinked, hand over his gun. He wasn't entirely sure that he should use it.

Kaylee came bounding around the corner, slamming into him. "Simon!" she shrieked.

Unable to believe his eyes, he touched her face, her neck, her hair. There was a spot on her temple that seemed tender, so he avoided pressing on it. She felt and smelled just like Kaylee, and the twinkle in her eyes seemed the same. She wound her arms around him, and she grinned at him widely. She certainly behaved like Kaylee, but Simon felt a twinge in his gut. What if this was all a trap, and the real Kaylee had been hurt somehow? What if they had copied her and now he was embracing the copy? He pushed aside the thought. No one could copy her. No one could get her accent and scent just right, no one could feel the way she did. No one else could make his heart race just by smiling at him. "Are you all right? Did he hurt you?" He was aware that he sounded almost desperate, but couldn't help it.

"He took me to Annabelle's. She kept me safe."

Simon looked at Annabelle's placid face in gratitude. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," she replied, hands in her pockets. She looked away, lips pressed into a thin line. "We don't know if I've done you a favor or not."

"But the training worked," Kaylee insisted. "We got past those guards easily enough."

"What guards?" Simon asked, worried.

Kaylee laughed and made a dismissive gesture. "Oh, don't worry about them none. They're dead now, and we're just fine." She shrugged, sliding her hand into Simon's. Her hand was cool in his, and he wondered how she could be so calm and collected. Kaylee usually would have been all nerves and stuttering. "There's guards at every landing area in here, and all of the main exits. So we had to shoot our way out, but that wasn't any lick of trouble."

Simon cupped her face in his hand, caressing her cheek. "So you're all right."

"Well, sure. Why wouldn't I be?" She gathered Simon up into her arms, and he breathed in the scent of her. She smelled and felt the same, even if she suddenly wasn't as afraid of weapons and fighting as she used to be.

"Come on. I'm sure there's more that I need to do."

Annabelle made a clucking noise. "They never should have let him out."

Simon turned around full circle, Kaylee still caught up in his arms. They both looked out in front of them. There was a tall, spindly bald man dressed in a white gown riddled with bullet holes and spattered with blood. Most of it seemed to be his.

"Who are you?" Simon asked, concerned. Kaylee pulled back slightly from his arms. "What happened to you?"

"They were afraid," the man said with an easy smile.

Simon took a step forward, covering Kaylee slightly with his own body. She touched his back gently, and he could feel a gun in her hand.

"Rightly so. The sun didn't burn me up as I thought it might, and they all died so easily. They crumpled like paper dolls, bunches of them folding over at a single simple thought. They wounded me so, bled me near dry, and I won't last the night if I'm so lucky."

"But who are you?" Simon repeated. His hand went to his gun. There were two bullets left if he really needed them.

The man's smile grew wide. "Don't you know? I'm your ancestor."

***

It was like waking up, though Timothy had no idea what woke him up. By now he had enough experiences with nightmares to know it wasn't anything good. He could still feel the remnants of the dream there. It was something he knew, something he had a hand in. Oh, yes. The Specialist that was calling herself Corrine. Yes, he remembered now.

_She's here. I feel her. She's coming here._

They weren't referring to Corrine. That he knew. He just couldn't figure out which "she" they were referring to.

He could wait. He'd been waiting a long time for answers, and he had the feeling that they would all be given to him soon enough.

***  
***


	48. Keep Breathing

It felt like she was drowning.

It was dark in the lower tunnels, and it was impossible to tell where they were going. The sound of gunfire was long since gone, but Zoe couldn't tell if that was any better. Who knew what the Academy had done? What if there were horrifying creatures in the lower tunnels, made to devour the stray student that tried to run away?

She pushed away the thought. That would do nothing but make her think creepifying thoughts, and it would make her trigger happy. The last thing they needed was someone too trigger happy when they were surrounded by both friend and foe. She would need to discriminate who she shot at, rather than shoot everything in sight.

"What d'you think we're headed for?" Mal asked at her left. Great. Just the thing she needed to hear. At least he didn't sound afraid.

"He seemed to think some secret was down here."

"This place is crawling with secrets. How nobody noticed is beyond me," Mal replied sulkily.

"You don't see what you don't know is there," Julian replied, voice soft and mournful. "You don't stop and look beneath your feet to check the ground."

Ashamed, Mal fell silent.

They kept going along the tunnel, not sure where they were ultimately headed. They were somewhere in the heart of the Academy, just beneath its very center. The Academy was a large place, and Mal couldn't figure out what could be hidden there. By the look on Zoe's face, she couldn't figure it out either.

There was the sound of footsteps.

Their company fell silent, stopping in their tracks. The footsteps came closer, and it sounded as if one person was supporting another. It couldn't have been more than two approaching them, and by the way they walked, it was obvious they didn't know anyone else was there. Mal and Zoe flattened themselves to the wall, as did Julian and Troy. The two troopers stayed in the center, one high and one low. Those at the wall staggered themselves as well. Whoever or whatever was coming down the tunnel would be riddled full of holes almost instantly if it was someone other than the invading army.

Inara rounded the corner, supporting one of Sarah Kelly's shock troopers on her shoulder. Her lips were thinned with the effort, but it stopped her from dragging him forward. His left arm hung down uselessly, the entire shoulder bound in the bloody sleeve torn from his uniform. He was still wearing his helmet, but he gave the impression that he was close to passing out.

Their collective breaths released, and the party in the tunnel resumed their prior formation. Mal stepped forward. "Inara?"

She looked up, and he was relieved that she didn't appear hurt. The grit and grime seemed to be the extent of it. The trooper was much worse off for wear.

"You were with Sarah," Julian murmured with concern. "Where is she?"

"She disappeared in Building 17. We went looking underneath, in the tunnels. Did you get our wave? John here had called it in."

"No. We have heard nothing."

Inara frowned, and let the Julian's security troops take over handling the shock trooper. "We saw someone that had been locked in that building. She had failed some of the testing, but was still too good to be killed." Mal didn't miss the slight twist of her lips that bespoke of distress. He didn't think she realized it. "She said this place was built like a star, and the center of it was the important part."

"Well, we're here," Troy said, shrugging. "She didn't say why, did she?"

"No. But she was concerned about the tunnels. She said the dark swallowed people up."

Zoe looked around the tunnel. "I don't blame her. Where is she?"

"Dead."

"So do we think Sarah is as well?" Julian asked after a moment.

"I don't know. We were looking to see if there was some tunnel system under Building 17 that she might have found. We didn't find it, but we found security at one of the launching areas instead. That's how John got hurt."

Julian's mouth flattened. "I don't like this."

"Why do I get the feeling that we're being corralled into this place?" Mal asked.

Zoe looked around the tunnel again. Something about it bothered her, maybe the placement of the vents above their heads. "I think this is a drainage system."

They all looked up. "What makes you say that?" one of the troops asked.

"If you had people walking around in your drainage system," Zoe began slowly, "how would you try to get rid of them?"

Deathly pale, Troy whirled around to face Zoe. "You think they'll flush us out?"

"I think we'd better go back up, no matter what that creepy fellow said. I don't think we should stay on the lower levels too long. This place looks too much like a sewer for my liking, and I wouldn't put it past them to flood the tunnels if they could."

"I passed by a ladder a few tunnels back," Inara offered helpfully. "I couldn't carry John up, so I was looking for a formal staircase."

"It's about a half hour or so behind us," one of the troops offered. He shouldered John's limp form easily. "I'll take care of John, Miss."

"Let's get to that ladder, then," Julian said, voice tight. "Mrs. Washburn is correct. We must assume the worst of our enemy. They don't fight fair."

"They never did," Mal groused beneath his breath.

Inara led the way to the ladder.

***

_Don't you know? I'm your ancestor,_ the strange old man had said. Simon's gut didn't trust it one bit.

"He's lying," Annabelle said, sure of herself.

The old man's eyes swung toward her. "Little girl, your memories don't ring true. They aren't even yours."

"I've known that," Annabelle replied. "Don't you worry about that."

He laughed. "And then trying to give this other little one some of them? Isn't that hubris? Isn't that a shortcut? She can't use them properly."

Simon covered Kaylee with his body more fully. He could feel her hands at his back, a gun clenched in her right fist. Simon's blood ran cold. What if that strange old man was right about Kaylee? She hadn't ever been that proficient with guns before. The incident with the Reavers was just two months ago, and that had gone down badly. Since when was Kaylee comfortable with guns? Since when could she do that?

He laughed at the doubt in Simon's face. "Young one, you have no idea about the power you possess. The gifts that lie in your blood... I have helped to train the students here, the ones that show true promise. Your sister would have been my student, once she had graduated to the appropriate level."

Something in Simon's mind shut down. His breath stopped, and his blood was cold. His fingers were like ice. His face was a mask, and it seemed as if he was a statue.

His gun fired almost of its own volition, catching the old man in the chest.

He fell against Kaylee, his balance disrupted. She caught him as he fell and kept him from falling to the floor. Her breath was hot against his neck, and it almost seemed as if she was thawing him out. He was no longer a frozen statue.

The man was on the floor, a large spreading stain across his chest. He was laughing, his entire body contorting with it.

"What else did you think she was there for? She wasn't bred for her own purposes. She wouldn't have been allowed to dance. She wouldn't have been allowed to use her knowledge for anyone else's benefit. She never belonged to your family. She was never really your sister, not in the way you insist. She didn't belong to you, Simon. She never did. You are only kidding yourself if you think she will ever belong to you."

Simon took a deep breath. "I know. She doesn't belong to me." Kaylee helped balance him as he took a step forward. He had one bullet left. "But she doesn't belong to you, and she doesn't belong to Jayne Cobb either. She belongs to herself."

The last bullets lodged itself into the old man's brain.

There was no satisfaction as the manic features went slack, as the freezing hold around his heart fell loose. Simon turned to Kaylee. "Help me down."

"What're you going to do?" Kaylee asked, uncertain as she helped him to his knees.

"Don't," Annabelle warned, anxiety creasing her features. "He's a liar, and his mind is probably full of traps. Don't do it."

Simon ignored her. Who was she, anyway?

He put his hands to the old man's temples and dove right in.

 

***

_In the last room of the last level down the last hallway lies the little broken boy dreaming in numbers and hexadecimal systems. He wants out of the system. He wants to meet his family, he wants to see the sun again. He's been here for far too long._

River followed the voices. The others unlocked the doors and escorted the emaciated children and teens from the cells. They were meeting each other for the first time, blinking away the cobwebs and adjusting to the light. Some were starting to cough; they had never been as exposed to germs before and were already starting to get sick. Kara, Christopher and the twins were with them, making sure that they could walk. Jayne was with River, making sure she wouldn't descend back into the madness she had only recently crawled out of.

Jayne reached for the locks, but River stopped him. "What?"

"Look at the floor. Only one set of prints prior to our arrival. They don't come down this way too often. We truly have to be careful here. If the others are starting to fall ill, we might inadvertently kill these students here." River traced the characters on the doors. "They have the most stringent protocols here. Suits and decontamination scrubs to even get through the doors. These children are the most damaged, the most likely to be fragile."

"So now what?"

_Go on. He's waiting for you. He's ready for all it means._

Are you sure? River thought at them, brow furrowing. _There is no turning back._

We're sure. We all are ready. We want to breathe real air, see real people. Want to touch you and be touched back. The dark is all we have. We want more.

"Open them," River told Jayne, turning her face up to his. "They know the risk, and they want to face it anyway."

"Alrighty, then."

He undid the locks, noting that the rescued children were hanging back slightly. Jayne opened the doors, half expecting horrific monsters to come spilling out. Instead, the hallway's light streamed in through the open door. Some of the rooms revealed shells of children seated in chairs or lying on stretchers. Their skin seemed thinner than egg roll shells, and there were wires running into and out of their fragile skin.

"It's light," one rasped. He tried to sit up, and the skin tore from his back. He didn't even wince at the pain of it, or appear disturbed by the blood pouring from the wound.

_"Wai!"_ Jayne cried. "What just happened?"

"I sure love feeling the light," he murmured weakly, collapsing back into the chair. "Worth the effort. Worth the time."

Jayne turned to River in horror. "Riv, what just happened?"

"His skin bonded to the chair. He severed the bond."

She stepped into the room. She smiled down at the boy, who looked like he was about her age or a little bit older. He grinned back at her like a small child, confident that the worst of it was over now. She knelt down beside the chair and slowly removed the intravenous lines. She touched his face as his eyes closed. His breathing was shallow as he hovered near death. _"Zài-jiàn,"_ River murmured softly. _"Zhufu ni."_

Jayne sucked in a painful breath as she offered blessings and turned away. He couldn't stand there and watch the boy die. This was different. It wasn't a firefight. It wasn't someone out to get his kin or hurt him. This was an innocent child that simply wanted to learn. He couldn't stomach that, he couldn't let it go. He couldn't move until he felt River's hand on his arm, the warm comfort of her touch. _She could have been like that,_ he thought, knowing it as true. _If that fool brother of hers hadn't come for her..._

The knowledge didn't rest easily with him.

The other rooms were the same, with the heavy warnings and the children locked away in the dark with nothing but intravenous lines and sensors for company. The children behind them were murmuring amongst themselves, and the twins seemed confused. Jayne pushed it out of his mind, trying to keep focused on River.

"His grandmother is here," one of the children sang out. He was actually closer to twenty, but his growth was stunted and he was shorter than the twins.

River paused outside of the last doorway, Jayne at her back. "Really?"

"We're leading her here. All of her others were left behind."

"She is close," River said. She watched the children nod, then opened the last door. Jayne followed her in, reaching for the light switches when he couldn't see where the child was right away. "Wait. The switch farthest from us."

Jayne felt for the switches, and felt the two of them. "'Kay, then," he said, brow furrowed in confusion. He flicked the right switch, and watched as the lights turned on in only half of the room. They were the lights farthest from the boy on the stretcher, and Jayne suddenly realized why River had to give the warning. The stretcher was right beneath a light fixture; the other switch might have blinded him.

"I knew you were coming," the boy rasped. He turned his face toward them and smiled. "I saw it before it happened. It was an eighty-four percent certainty it would happen. It rose to ninety percent once they told me of Miranda."

Jayne pressed his lips tight to keep from making any noise. The boy's limbs had long since been amputated, and his skin was all but grafted to the table, like the boy in the chair he had seen. This weren't right, none of this. How could their family not know?

"You married?" the boy continued. "I thought that was a twenty-five percent chance."

"Recent events necessitated it," River murmured, coming closer to him. "Hello."

The boy smiled like a child. "Hello. They tell me my grandmother is coming. I haven't seen her since I was five."

"How old are you now?" Jayne asked, voice rough.

"I don't know. How long was I here?"

"I don't know," Jayne replied, shaking his head. He could see the thin ooze where the boy's skin met the table, and now recognized it for what it was.

"They keep me sterile," the boy said, seeing where Jayne was staring. "They come in with suits and gloves and space helmets." His laughter was thin and reedy, almost insane. "They haven't come to see me in ages and ages."

"You've been here a long time, haven't you, Timothy?" River murmured gently, touching the stub that once was an arm.

"I was five," the boy crooned. "I was loved. I dreamed in numbers, hexadecimals and binary and statistic probabilities. They were to teach me how to do it all better."

"Did they?" Jayne asked, hands fisted at his sides. Five. They had done this to a five year old boy, someone who should've been climbing trees with his brothers and laughing when he stole bases or played football at school.

"Oh, yes," the boy said, eyes shining with glee. "Oh, yes and yes. I see in numbers."

"What's the chance we all get out of this alive?"

"Ferdinand was felled, so the chances go up," Timothy sing-songed. "Even he didn't like to speak with me. Even he had his limits. He hated the need to wear the suits, and he couldn't talk through doors and around walls, not the way his brother could."

A shadow fell over them, and River and Jayne turned to see who was in the doorway.

"Gramma!" Timothy crowed, reaching out with his stumps.

Sarah Kelly's face was pale, her lips trembling as she stepped into the room. River and Jayne moved away, towards the doorway. "Timothy," she murmured as they passed her. "It's good to see you," she said, her voice breaking.

"I see in numbers, Gramma," Timothy murmured as Sarah's hands came to his stumps. "I was running too fast for them so they had to cut me down to size. But I see in numbers and I dream in fractals and probabilities. I knew you would come to see me."

"But of course," Sarah murmured, tears in her eyes. "As soon as I could, didn't I say so?"

"I predicted things for them. Probabilities."

Sarah stroked Timothy's face, taking in his shattered form. "They wanted to keep you," Sarah said softly. "Just like we did."

"I wanted to go," Timothy said, voice warbling. "I wanted to be better. I knew I was loved, but I wanted to be better. I had to be better. Anthony couldn't dream in numbers. He didn't know how everything reduced to numbers."

"No," Sarah replied, tears falling. "He couldn't. Still can't."

"I told them things," Timothy said proudly. "I predicted things, even if they didn't believe me at first." He reached out for his grandmother, and she leaned over him, resting her head on his chest. He hummed happily, touching her face with the edge of his stump. "I knew you would come to see me. I knew you would."

Sarah sobbed, holding her grandson gently. "Oh, Timmy..."

"Don't cry, Gramma. Don't cry. It's all right. I know what will happen." He coughed gently. "It's going to take a while. A day or two. I'll be delirious with fever. I won't know when it happens, but it'll happen. They kept me sterile for a reason. I'm going to be all right, Gramma. I will. I promise I will."

Sarah sobbed harder, fingers pressed to his thin shoulders. "Timmy, I told you not to go!"

"I know, Gramma. I wanted to. It was my choice to go."

Sarah turned her face and saw River and Jayne still standing in the doorway hesitantly. "Go away!" she raged at them. "Leave us alone!"

"It's going to be all right, Gramma," Timothy crooned as they left the doorway. He smiled, and it was the same smile he used to have as a young child. He had always been such a happy baby, and it had broken her heart when he had left the home. Sarah had thrown herself into her work as a result. "They'll leave, seventy-two percent chances of making it through unscathed. They'll be all right. They kept me company in the dark. They'll be all right. I'll be all right. I know how it all ends. I saw the numbers already. I know how it ends."

"I can't leave you this way," Sarah murmured. She pulled back, and touched his face gently, tracing the curve of his cheek. He was gaunt and thin, but she could see the way he had looked when he was five. "I can't."

"Pull the lines," Timothy said, touching her arm with his stump. "I'll be all right. It won't hurt. I'll be delirious and I'll slip into a coma. I won't feel it when I die."

"I can't," Sarah murmured, wiping at her eyes. "I can't leave you."

"Tell Mommy and Daddy that I love them. And that I love Anthony and Emily, too. You have to leave me to tell them. If you don't go now, there's only a fifteen percent chance that you will make it back home. You have to go now, while your odds match theirs. You have to let them know I'm all right."

Sarah pulled the lines out as gently as she could, tears blurring her vision. She knew he was right on some level, but her gut screamed in agony. The grandmother in her was wailing, and she wanted to bring this complex down in a haze of rubble.

"I love you, Gramma," Timothy said. He kissed her cheek when she leaned down over him, and he closed his eyes. It was like when she had kissed him before the transport arrived. She had known the goodbye was likely permanent. He hadn't known then. He had only been five, and he had been too excited by the prospect of the program.

"I love you, Timmy," Sarah whispered brokenly.

"Tell them, Gramma," he whispered. "You have to live to tell them."

He closed his eyes as she left the room, shoulders stooped forward. She was old now. She was older than he had remembered, and his parents and siblings were likely old now, too. He began to hum a lullaby his mother used to sing to him.

On her way out, Sarah sang along with him. "Hush, little baby, don't you cry..."

***  
***


	49. Saving Grace

_it's in your eyes I don't remember the way I don't feel like coming down I don't feel like coming around to see what you see but I remember the way this feels..._

How did it go again? Simon had almost forgotten what Corrine said was the way to see into other minds. He somehow managed to shift his vision, and then he was there, as if he had always been a part of the old man.

_ You turn your head and look right past me, and as you walk on past you seem to hesitate. Geneva, why do you hurt me so? You don't respond to my smile, you cut my heart in ribbons and you laugh at me every time you see me._ He caught her hair within his fist and yanked her close. His breath was hot on her face, and her eyes widened with fear. He was young, with dark blonde hair and the famous eyes from Regan's family. _I think you need me. You think you can do much better than me, after all the lies that I made you believe. But don't worry, Geneva. You'll see. You'll see what I've got planned. I can be anything I want to be._

She didn't believe him. She never believed him, and it only enraged him the more.

_But I won't be anything, if you don't see me._ I'll make you see me. _You'll have to see me, you'll have to love me. I know you can love me, and I promise to love you the best that I can for the rest of eternity._

The memory slid away; he had kept her locked up in his basement for three years, until she found a means to kill herself. Their child had been stillborn.

He and his brother always discussed genetics and eugenics, and they knew that power had run in their family for generations. His elder brother convinced him that their abilities should be studied. After Geneva's suicide, he really had nothing else to lose. He certainly hadn't wanted to see his brother's wife and children, and didn't want to contemplate what might have been. He still believed he could have made Geneva love him. He was haunted by her ghost, her empty eye sockets staring at him, the bruises around her neck stark against the transparent skin. He couldn't sleep at night, and found that he spent more time staring at the dead during the day than the living. The dead faces were sharper now, and he was more connected to them. Their eyes were more devastating than ever, and it seemed as though it was worse somehow now. He had never felt so perturbed when they were alive.

He started the Project. He fell under his brother's spell, as they all did. He convinced the best and brightest to participate in it, and he developed the Academy in his brother's vision. It didn't mean anything to him, so it never bothered him to tell the lies to convince the parents to part with their treasured children. They were just objects, not children. They were means to an end, numbers and letters to plot and extrapolate with. They weren't people. They weren't real. No one was real anymore, not even his brother or his brother's children. He carried the dead with him, and the press of their eyes bothered him most.

He hated looking at eyes. He hated looking at eyes that couldn't _see._

The miracles of modern medicine kept him alive long after he should have died. The advances that the military had were used to keep him alive in a specialized chamber. He developed his mental abilities beyond his prior dreams, but it was a hollow victory. Geneva's dead eyes stared at him. Their dead son mocked him.

He slept. When one of the students was strong enough, he would wake. The suspended animation would keep him alive until he was needed.

He woke when Annabelle was brought to the Academy, kicking and screaming. She was only Anna then, and she hadn't wanted to come. The sound of her voice had startled him awake, the first time in nearly a hundred years.

She sounded like Geneva in the basement.

He came alive then, and began getting active in the Academy and the Project. It was bigger now, grown up from the one building they had originally had three generations ago. It was now a large complex, sprawling out underground like an iceberg. It was fantastic and terrific, the culmination of his dreams.

The dead didn't haunt him anymore. Now the living did.

Simon pulled his hands away. Sweat beaded his brow, and he looked up at Annabelle. "How much of what I see here is a lie?"

"I don't know," she replied, shrugging. "But you see their lives as they live it, and you can't tell what the truth is if they lie to themselves, too."

"We'd better go," Kaylee said, looking around. She helped Simon to his feet. "Something doesn't feel right 'round these parts. I wanna get out of here."

Annabelle turned around, concerned. "I don't–"

When the shots rang out, she was the first to fall.

***

When they all came out topside, Inara took in a deep breath. It was good to be out of the tunnels, and it was quiet in the building they came up in. By the tightening in the guard's faces, she could tell that they thought it was too quiet. For an understaffed complex, their forces had been fairly comparable so far. But still...

Mal was starting to rub off on her. It was too quiet.

"Do you think it's safe enough to leave yet?" she asked.

"We need to find the others. I don't know why the comms aren't working," Troy said, lips flattening into a line.

There was the sound of distant gunfire, and they headed toward it. Several hallways down, they came across a flight deck. It looked like members of Thomas' crew and a handful of errant children were fighting against a team of twenty guards in full regalia. One team seemed to be heading into the next area, where there was more gunfire. "Prob'ly under control in here," Mal commented, looking at Julian. "Think we should check out that area over there?"

"Might as well," he said with a sigh. "This is getting to be quite difficult. We'll need to get our people out soon."

"They may be calling for reinforcements," Zoe intoned. "I would."

Inara hadn't thought of that. She paled and tightened her grip on her rifle.

They followed the team of troopers, which took them farther into a building that was full of locked doors and empty hallways. The troopers apparently believed in shooting first and asking questions later, since they opened fire as soon as they turned a corner. Without thinking, Inara began to shoot at them. Gunfire erupted along the hallway between the two groups.

Rushing forward, they turned the corner to see who the other troopers were firing at.

Inara goggled. "Kaylee?"

Kaylee was holding a high powered rifle in hand, and Simon was on the floor, tying a tourniquet around another woman's arm. Kaylee had a few bullet grazes along her arms and leg, but she was otherwise in one piece and grinning madly. "Thanks, guys. That was a close one."

Mal blinked, and his mouth opened and closed. "But they had gotten you."

"Oh, but Annabelle took good care of me. I didn't get hurt a lick." She rubbed at her temple absently. "Okay, maybe a lick."

"Who's your friend, there?" Zoe asked, coming closer. Julian and Troy were behind her.

"Anna?" Troy asked, taking in the sight of Annabelle's tight lips. They were almost white with the effort to keep from screaming. The tourniquet looked frighteningly tight, and there was a mess of blood all about her. "Anna, is that you?"

She looked up with blank eyes. "Who are you?"

Troy's face was starkly white. "Anna?"

"We don't have time for this," Annabelle replied, turning back to Simon. "I think that's tight enough, thanks." She let Kaylee help Simon up first. She grasped Kaylee's arm in her left hand and allowed herself to be pulled up. "We need to get out of here."

"We don't know where the other teams are," Julian replied, voice strained. "We don't have our communications working here."

"River's still down below in the holding cells," Annabelle replied. "She'll be making her way upstairs soon enough. It's time to go."

"I can't leave the others behind," Julian insisted.

A klaxon sounded overhead.

"Somehow, I think you don't have a choice," Annabelle snapped. "Stay and get shot down if you like, that's your choice."

"I'm going after River," Simon replied, voice firm. "I'll know how to get there."

"I'll go with him," Kaylee added.

Annabelle shook her head. "Of all the... Fine. Just don't trust their memories. They lie to themselves as much as they lie to the rest of us. Nobody's immune."

"They couldn't have lied about what's in the center of the Academy."

Annabelle's laughter was strange and grating. "Idealist to the last. It'll be the end of you."

Kaylee's lips compressed to a line, and Inara wondered what she had gone through to teach her an expression like that. "You go with them, then. There's no place for you here anymore."

_"Wenshén,"_ Annabelle replied without rancor. "Remember the lessons, and they should keep you alive."

Kaylee nodded. She looked over at Mal and Zoe, who looked too confused to reply. "Don't worry about us, Cap'n. We'll be all right. The war's almost through, ain't it? Hit 'em good on your way out, okay?"

"Now, see here, li'l Kaylee..." Mal began.

"Take Anna back," Simon said, cutting off Mal's reply. "She'll need more medical attention on one of the ships. The route should be safe enough now."

"There's going to be more guards," Zoe replied, looking around.

"Not for five minutes. You have a window."

"And you know this how?"

"I just do," Simon snapped. "Get out of here and get the boats fired up. We'll be out of here once we have everyone."

"I ain't leaving nobody behind," Mal hissed.

Julian placed a fragile hand on Mal's shoulder. "He is right. This is no longer our fight. It is best to retreat for now and see what else needs to be done."

"That ain't right. That's giving in."

"No. It's covering our backs. From here on in, we have to use their own knowledge against them." Simon's voice was strong and sure, as if he was explaining a surgical technique to a medical student in an operating theater.

"So now you're a big expert?" Mal snapped.

Simon's eyes bored into his. Mal found himself stepping back in spite of himself. "Yes."

They left without further argument.

***

They were lost.

Kara sighed and looked over at the troupe of children that had followed her and Christopher. She had gotten separated from the others again. It was a maze of corridors, and the silent children didn't help matters. She didn't know which way she was going, other than up.

"You're headed in the right direction for you," one boy said. He had dark mocha skin, bright blue eyes and light brown hair. He was rail thin and spindly, as if stretched and burned within an inch of his life. Perhaps he had been.

"Yeah? I didn't ask you none."

"Don't be afraid of what you are," the boy replied. "We all think it's amazing. You killed the one we wished we could have. You did the impossible, and you're still here. The impossible is now possible, don't you understand?"

"You gotta shut your mouth," Kara snapped, suddenly aware of the dried blood and slime across the borrowed uniform.

"I'm Ethan," the boy said instead. "I was Third Level, Fifth Class. I wasn't terribly important at first," he added, smiling. His teeth were terribly bright against his dark skin.

"Why'd you get important?" Kara asked, almost unwillingly.

Ethan laughed. "Our entire class was down here. We rioted. I instigated the riot. He came to question me." He extended his arms, and Kara could see long, ropey scars across his arms. "So forgive me if I'm proud on your behalf."

"Ain't nothing to be proud of," Kara growled.

His laughter was playful. "No? You take down the Specialist that terrified a galaxy of stars and live to tell the tale. Isn't that a tale to tell?"

Kara stopped short. Unaware of all the eyes on her, she whirled around and fixed Ethan with her angriest stare. "Ain't nothing to be proud of, ripping his guts out! It was revenge, nothing more. I didn't do nothin' for you! Killin' ain't right, no matter what."

"You're better than he was," Ethan said, voice soft with wonder. "Not just in skill, but in heart."

"Humph. Whatever. We're still lost."

"There is an exit this way," a soft voice piped up from the back of the group. "If we keep going straight, there's an exit through a closed-off building."

Kara sighed. "Sounds good to me. Let's bounce off this rock right quick."

Ethan couldn't stop smiling at Kara. "I love the way you speak."

"Don't make fun!" Kara snapped, nerves on edge.

He shook his head. "Nobody talked to us down here. They yelled. Or they cut. But they didn't talk. Even when you're yelling, you're still talking."

Shamed to silence, Kara kept going.

***

"This isn't good," Viola whispered to Victoria. She had thought that they were following the same path they had initially taken to the stairs, but she must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way. Nothing looked familiar.

"I know the way," a soft voice said from the rear of the group. "My sister is leading the other group as well."

Viola looked at the tiny girl with the green eyes and straight black hair. She looked to be a strange mix of cultures, so that Viola couldn't tell her descent. "She is?"

"We were map makers. We were supposed to chart the stars." Her smile was soft and sad. "I took the stars, and she took the lands. We are twins."

Ah. That explained so much.

"Why don't we go find your twin, then?" Victoria said, reaching out for the girl.

She grasped Victoria's hand tightly. "We both know the way. We've mapped the tunnels in our minds, revise it regularly. Sometimes they carve new ones or block off old ones. Sometimes they feel it's better to lock away their mistakes. Some of their mistakes are too dangerous to kill, so they lock them away and hope that they die on their own."

"That's... I don't know how to say how wrong that is," Victoria finished lamely.

"It takes a lot of grief to be the cartographer of hell," the girl continued. "We have our grievances aplenty, and we know the routes to hell. We know how to reverse the track as well."

Viola swung her flashlight at the girl and took a good look at her face. "You're blind."

"Yes."

"But you can still see down here?"

"I see what she sees. She sees what I see. We're two halves of a whole that never had to differentiate into separate selves."

The twins looked at each other over the blind girl's head. Viola sighed and pointed her flashlight back down the tunnel. "Come on. This route's as good as any other, I guess. We might as well see where it goes."

"Down, down, into the deep and dark. The hands reach out from the dark sometimes, inky fingers of cold down your back," the blind girl murmured. She wrapped her arms around herself, smiling gently. "Sometimes you're the only one, sometimes there's others with you. Sometimes the world will stand still."

"Somebody got duct tape?" Victoria asked, shivering. Viola shook her head, and started moving down the tunnel ahead of them. She held a gun in hand, and the homemade bombs were still strapped to the military vest she was wearing. She was still hoping desperately she wouldn't have to use them.

_Somebody will save us. Or we'll save ourselves. We'll get out of this,_ Victoria thought, looking over at her sister. _If Vi can be brave, I can be, too._

Silence greeted them as they moved down the tunnel.

***

Sarah had somehow wandered off. She hadn't been listening as River and Jayne were talking, as the other people with them splintered off down the tunnels. It was a maze, a wandering and twisting path that didn't seem as though it would ever spiral back upwards. It was the path to her grief, the raw torturous pain eating away at her heart.

Intelligence never did anybody any kind of good. She knew that now.

_You showed me what to do, but you never showed me how to live with it,_ Sarah thought, thinking of her military uncle. He had been so proud when she enlisted in the Navy. He had been especially proud when she had made it to an officer's rank, when she had then captained her own boat across the black. _How do you live with the choices you're forced to make? How do you keep from drowning in its wake?_

They had been mere children, handfuls of children disappearing into the cracks of the system. No one noticed, no one cared. There was no one to care if children ran away, no one to notice if they never returned. No one cared about the strange ones that never came back.

_I cared. Didn't I? Didn't I always care about Timmy?_

Something vile in her gut burned. Knowledge, most likely. She had always known on some level, and she had never said a word. She was a collaborator, just the same. She had protected the sanctity of the prison as much as its directors had. She was no better than any of the ones they were killing in the dark tunnels beneath the bright sun. She was no better than the nameless drones of troops, the faceless officials gunned down over their paperwork. She turned a blind eye better than most; she had _known_ on some level, and she had pushed it all away without a backward glance. She let them take her grandson without a fight. She had helped her family forget about him, and she had let the government cut him apart to keep him locked away. She had done her part, all right. She had played the dupe perfectly.

_Didn't I know? Didn't I feel it? Didn't I know that they would lie to me, too? Didn't I know not to trust them?_ she thought desperately, the cold and dark pressing in against her. She had followed the others to an extent, but now she was lost in the tunnels. They were no longer beneath one of the examination buildings, she knew. She was likely in the linker tunnels between the buildings and sub-levels, and each turn looked the same as the turn before it. Her fingers were numb, and her breath hurt in her chest. This was a dank place, with only dim emergency lighting along the walls. It was too fitting.

_Gramma's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't sing, Gramma's gonna wring its neck and send you out..._

No, that wasn't right. She wasn't one of them, she wasn't one of the directors. She hadn't known, not really. Not really. She hadn't known. She wouldn't have allowed it.

She knew. Not logically, not really, but she had _known,_ the same instinctual kind of feeling that had led her to Julian in the first place. Disillusionment and trust had been lost, and she had needed his faith in the system, in the Alliance, in the Articles, in the brotherhood and sisterhood of the military.

She was tired. She was old now, and felt the weight of her years press in against her chest. This was too much to bear.

Sarah brushed her tears away, shaking her head to clear it. This wasn't the way out. This wasn't the way to surviving as Timothy had asked her to do.

Someone was crouched on the ground to her right, watching her. She could see the eyes and the outline of gray on black. "Hello?"

"Your pain screams," the boy replied. He licked his lips, as if anticipating a delicious meal. He smiled, showing off his broken teeth. "I like that."

Sarah fired her gun and then took off running.

***

"Okay, this ain't too good."

River looked over at Jayne with a frown. "It is just as well for us that they have wandered away from us. They would have slowed us down. You can follow where I will lead, but they could not." There was a strange light to her eyes, a madness there he hadn't seen since the early days on Serenity, before the cocktail of Simon's meds kept her more sedated. Come to think of it, Jayne couldn't remember if she had been taking her medication since they left Beylix.

"I'm not likin' this none," Jayne said, voice unsure.

"Time to run away from all we thought we knew. They gave injections and stopped up the flow of girlhood. They cut away genetic samples for filing and recognition. They bled and spurned and combined in several associations. All of those that they thought fitting for posterity was treated as such. Lesser beings could take on the burden of conception and transporting the combinations they thought would be appropriate. The elevated levels of trainees were too precious to lose to such a thing. It was too base and too dangerous. Too much would be lost if the damage was great enough to cause lasting harm. They did their applications in theoretical forms, saving the actual samples for a time when their theorems could be applicable. They sought to take the best of me and subjugate it to their will. Taking on infants was beyond their ken, but this was not."

"I got no clue what you said, but it don't sound good."

"No, Jayne," River replied mournfully, the madness slipping from her eyes. "It isn't. I don't know how I got this way, you know. I don't know how it'll be all right. I don't know how to change, and I don't know how to stop it from happening. I am what they made me."

"Bullshit," Jayne snapped. He shook her shoulders once for emphasis. "You are what you are, and not what nobody made you. None of that weapon _go se,_ got me? You're a person, and you're my wife now. So stop with that nonsense talk."

"They took away a part of me. I don't know if I can have it back."

He pulled her against him and held her tightly. She fluttered against him, trying to push him away from her. "You got me, River. Don't forget that. Don't let them make you forget that."

Waiting until she fell quiet, Jayne pressed his eyes shut. This place was a mistake. It should be burned to the ground and then the ashes nuked.

"I'm beginning to think your thoughts are warranted," a soft voice said to Jayne's left.

Startled, Jayne spun around, one of his best guns in hand. The spin also shoved River behind him in a single graceful move.

The girl in front of them had long, dark hair and catlike eyes. "Impressive."

"Who're you?" Jayne asked, pulling the safety off.

"If I was to kill you, you would already be dead. You might as well put the gun away."

"I think I'll keep it. Who're you?"

"My name is Corinne now," she said, her voice light and musical. "I was once Katrina and Sabrina, Angela Cruz, Dr. Peter Faraday, Dr. Mariah Handel, Dr. Stephan Benedict, Dr. William Fourchette, Dr. Veronica de Beers, Juliana Sands, Hannah O'Brien and Rachel Altenbracht. I have also seen the memories of the Director through her brother's hands."

"Yeah? What does that all mean?"

"It means I'm a conglomerate." Her hands spread wide, revealing her lack of weapons. The move didn't make Jayne feel any safer. "It means I'm a mistake. It means they never meant for me to happen, to take on the memories of others and leave them corpses. They never meant for something like me to develop." Her smile was sharp and full of teeth. Jayne felt his skin crawl, and he repressed the urge to shudder.

River stepped out from behind Jayne, just beyond his reach. "You know what they were planning to change me into."

"One of us, dear sister. Most likely, you would have been me, in my former life. You would have been Specialist Six."

"Oh."

Jayne wondered if River was disappointed to hear this or not. Her expression was unreadable.

"Forget the possibilities," Corrine murmured, her hands dropping back to her sides. "It isn't going to happen now. Don't stay in these walls. Don't stay with me. There's enough damage done to us all, and you shouldn't be here any longer."

"Yeah. Uh, that sounds like a plan."

"They stole from me," River hissed as Jayne spoke. "They rendered me to ashes and dust."

"They did not take everything, did they?" Corrine asked gently, head cocked to the side. "All is not lost, is it? Surely something was left. Surely something was saved. Your dearly beloved brother did not ruin his reputation in vain."

"Okay, now, I think it's time to go," Jayne muttered, creeping closer to River.

"Everyone leaves. Everyone dies," Corrine continued. "Everything is all thrown away, all destroyed and torn to pieces."

"You're staying," River replied accusingly.

"It starts with one to rebuild. Your own flesh and blood charged me with this task. The poor drones remain in their dorms, sealed away from the truth and the light. Would you leave them to be cast adrift? The wolves would gobble them right up."

Jayne grabbed River's arm. "C'mon, we got to go."

"He is right, dear one. You are not my sister. You are no longer meant to be my sister. It's all right. There will no longer be Specialists, and the Operatives are scattered to the four winds across the different worlds. They will terminate themselves once I give the order. They will follow it. The one that failed to secure you can be set free. I've no need for him in the new world I'm making."

"Why should I believe you?" River answered, voice hurt. She resisted Jayne tugging on her arm, staring at Corrine in disbelief. "You've become one of them again. Why should I trust what you have to say about this?"

"Because you still have a chance to dance, little sister," she said with a smile. Corrine began to laugh. "Go while you still can. The depth will be removed. The final authorization sequence has been begun. Once the alarms fall silent, the tunnels will all collapse."

"You're destroying it all," River whispered.

"Every last piece."

"But... why?"

Her grin was like a shark's. "I would have a kingdom all my own, no shadows over me. Surely you can understanding wanting a legacy that's mine."

River nodded and let Jayne pull her away.

Corrine raised an arm in farewell as River and Jayne turned a corner.

***  
***


	50. Lighting Up The Darkness

"One of you should go back."

The twins paused and looked at the blind girl, treading steadily between them. Endless dark tunnels stretched ahead and behind them. Neither twin wanted to go back the way that they came. "What?" Viola asked finally.

"They will need you. Your aunt and uncle will need aid in time, and one of you should go back to be the one to give it."

The twins eyed each other, and Viola looked back down the tunnel behind them. It stretched out long and dark. "We don't even know where they are," Victoria said after a moment. "And we're almost out of here, anyway."

"They need you. Carry the repressed heat, and they will need you."

They watched as the blind girl unerringly pointed to a side tunnel they hadn't noticed. She parked her feet where she stood, and the other students parted ways around her.

"I'll go," Viola said, shaking her head. "Look, it's worth it to try, right? You're almost there. They need to get stowed while it's still safe."

"Vi..."

"Just go on. I'll be fine. I can run faster than you, anyway." As if to prove her point, Viola began to run down the side tunnel.

Victoria watched her twin in shock. She couldn't even move; since when had Viola ever directly disobeyed her to do something so foolish?

The blind girl touched Victoria's arm gently. "Sometimes twins must be parted in order for them to truly see."

Reluctantly, the team continued the journey forward.

***

Kara stubbornly followed her instincts. The tiny girl at her side seemed to unerringly know her way around the tunnels. Kara wasn't entirely sure that she could even see, but kept that thought to herself. "Don't worry about Abby's skills. I know she knows the way out," Ethan told her confidently. He smiled at Christopher next, whose grip had convulsively tightened around his guns. "We'll be all right."

"I'm glad somebody's sure."

"There's a light ahead," Christopher murmured, pointing.

"Flashlight," one of the students behind Kara added helpfully. "It's the same wattage as yours."

Kara turned to face the girl. "How can you tell that?"

"It's the same. I don't know how to explain it."

"It's Quinn," another student piped up.

"Abby's twin," another student added helpfully, seeing Kara's and Christopher's blank faces.

The two different teams seemed to meet in the tunnel, a different one branching out to the left of them. "That way will lead to the farthest area of the Academy," Abby said, pointing. Quinn nodded as she moved unerringly to Abby's side.

"Where's Viola?" Kara asked Victoria, dread lacing her voice.

"She went back," Victoria replied, lips tight. "That one said that somebody had to go back to help River and Jayne."

Kara bit back a vile curse. "Look, go on ahead. I'll go back and help, too."

"No," Quinn said, voice sure and strong. "You would complicate things. You would get lost in the tunnel system, and won't find your way back out again. Once the bombs go off, you would be forever lost in the darkness."

Abby placed her hand in Kara's, making the other girl jump in surprise. Victoria's jaw twitched, and she turned away from the map maker twins. "We need to leave now. The countdown is racing to its finish, and we need to light the way for others."

Not sure what else to do, Kara led the way into the tunnels.

***

"So what's at the center of the Academy?" Kaylee asked, running side by side with Simon. She was helping him move, keeping him from tripping over his own two feet.

"Remember that book that Mother gave Zoe? The Project? It's a eugenics breeding program. They had that in place, but alongside it ran their own selective breeding program. None of their attempts so far had worked. Whatever they thought might work had only manifested with problems during the last trimester and delivery."

"So what's the plan when you get there?"

"There's a self-destruct mechanism, in case anything went wrong. No one wanted to be associated with something like this, so they invented ways to erase the data tracks."

"This isn't the only place they're doing it, is it?"

"It's the main one," Simon replied. He leaned more heavily against Kaylee as they turned a corner and descended down the stairs. "Other places only got the reports that were filed. They didn't get the actual data itself."

"So if we destroy the data center, they can't restart the Project."

"That's the idea," Simon confirmed with a nod.

Somehow, Simon knew the way through the tunnels. He found a blonde girl with glasses heading in the right direction. She was dressed in one of the blue uniforms everyone had gotten when they broke into the Academy. The front of hers was spattered with blood and there were strange bottles tucked into the pockets of her uniform jacket. She looked at him expectantly, almost as if she was expecting an introduction.

"I'm Simon Tam."

"Viola Hunter. I'm looking for my aunt and uncle." She pointed down the hallway. "One of the kids said they were this way."

"The kids?" Kaylee asked, cutting off Simon's reply. Viola nodded. "They got out okay?"

"Yeah. But Uncle Jayne and Aunt River..."

Simon took off running down the hall, his gait unbalanced. He nearly careened into the wall several times, but he didn't care. He could hear Kaylee and Viola behind him, and knew that if he fell, they would help him up. He needed to get to River. He needed to help River. He had to make things right again, and he had to apologize. He had to destroy whatever records the Academy held, and he had to make sure that she would never be victimized again. She was his _mei mei,_ and he had to help take care of her.

***

"Where are we going?"

"They took a part of me, part of my future..." River turned another corner within the tunnels and Jayne was hopelessly lost. There was nothing else to do but follow.

"Riv... Wait up... What did they take?"

River suddenly stopped short in front of a metal door. The words "Genetic Recombination Room" were stenciled across the front. She reached for the doorknob as Jayne touched her shoulder in silent comfort. "They tagged me and stole from me, then stoppered up the flood tides to keep me from knowing I was a woman. They sought to match me to another of their lofted ranks, but wanted to be sure of a superior offspring."

Jayne kept his mouth shut, even though he had a niggling suspicion of what she was saying. He knew it couldn't be any good. He watched River turn the doorknob so hard that it broke in her hands. "I'm with ya," he reminded her.

She turned to face him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "You are, aren't you? Really, you are. I had thought you would flee by now."

"Ain't no fleeing from me. Didn't I promise ya that I'd be here?" She nodded. "Well, there ya go. No Cobb ever broke a promise he intended to keep."

Smiling slightly, River turned back to the door. She kicked it open, and stepped inside the brightly lit sterile room. A computer bank against the wall was running a sequencing program; the screen at the far left read "Tam, River Jade." The other screens each had codes for the seven male Operatives and two male Specialists. Many segments on River's screen were highlighted, and only a few on each of the other screens were highlighted.

"What's all this?" Jayne asked, brow furrowed. He approached the screen bearing River's name and touched one of the highlighted boxes. Its view expanded, and he could see a twisted ladder with paired variations of four letters along the rungs. He looked over at River in wonder, lips parted. He vaguely remembered what the image reminded him of, back when he was in school. "Is this you?"

She nodded slowly. "It's... the building blocks of me. The part I was supposed to be, before they took hold of the potential and arrested it and cut it apart." Her hands twisted together, and her expression was uneasy. "Sometimes I forget I was ever not like this." She looked away, at the other computers running their sequences in endless combinations. "I had told you before. I defer to your wisdom in the place where your knowledge is best."

"Eh?" Jayne turned away from the computer. "Speak simple."

"They are trying to isolate which genes they want to keep and which they want to take from their other star students," River said slowly, twisting her fingers together. "Timothy had been their statistician. He would have been able to give percentages for the chances that their selections would show up in a mating and be viable."

Jayne was in front of her in a heartbeat, and River's breath caught in her throat. "They ain't taking you from me, not ever." His hands were tight around her arms in a possessive move. "They ain't doing it, so don't you worry."

"No... I would not have been touched. That would have been counterproductive to their aims. I would have been spoiled to carry such a child. They would have spliced something together and had a lesser student carry the child."

Jayne touched her cheek softly. "Some other secret you gotta tell me?"

River shook her head slowly. "No child yet was created. They had only just begun to sequence me when Simon had assisted in my escape. It often takes years before the proper alliances can be obtained, and it can take several tries before a viable sequence is actually able to be borne. That is why they took several samples but kept the physical portions of me intact. Should it ever be impossible to transplant a fertilized ovum, they would have needed my original body and original genes intact for their Program."

"Why didn't you say nothing?"

"Who would have believed me? What did it matter then? I didn't know where I ended and another began, and there was never another to care for me in that regard. It was never my intention to mislead anyone, but it would have hurt Simon more to know. He was guilty enough for not responding sooner. He would have felt worse to know what they intended for me to become. I was to be a weapon, Jayne. You don't wish to hear it, but that is what they intended with me. I was their weapon to hone and train as they saw fit."

"Not anymore, you aren't," Jayne replied. He turned to the computers. "We should smash those, stop 'em before they do something stupid." He raised his gun and fired off the shots in quick succession, sending a shower of glass shards to the floor.

River smiled at him. "Those are screens, not the mainframes."

"Huh. So they're still going, right?" River nodded. "Then let's blow those up."

"You didn't bring grenades."

Jayne cursed under his breath when he realized she was right. "This is not good."

"But..." River paused and cocked her head to the side. "Wait. Viola comes this way, and Kara had taught her to make Molotov cocktails."

"Drinking at a time like this?" Jayne replied with disapproval. "Didn't that other woman say she had bombs down here?"

Unable to stand it anymore, River began to laugh. She threw her arms around his shoulders and let him hold her tightly. She breathed in the scent of him, and felt some of her panic ease. "Kara didn't teach her to make a drink. It's a liquor explosive base. It is a precursor to the grenades you so enjoy to use. It may be enough for our aims."

"Oh. Okay, then." He kissed the top of her forehead.

River breathed in deeply, and felt his arms tighten around her. His hands were rubbing her back gently, calming her. She pulled back and smiled at Jayne. "We'll be okay."

"O' course. Now, if we can figure out what to shoot..."

The door crashed open with a loud bang. Both of them turned to look in surprise, and saw Simon in the doorway, panting. He had both hands on the doorframe, as if he needed it to keep himself upright. His chest was heaving.

He turned angry eyes at the both of them. "What in the _gorram_ hell is going on?"

Jayne looked from his gun to River. "Ya sure I can't really help you out?"

River swatted Jayne's arm and stepped forward. "Simon."

"How did you get down here?" Simon continued, panting. He hadn't heard Jayne. "You can't know about this place..."

River nodded slowly. "I've always known. When did you?"

He shook his head in disbelief. "We have to hurry."

"Yes. She set the timers."

Simon looked at River in dismay. "How do you know this?"

River gave Simon a look that clearly stated she thought he had lost his mind. "I've always known everything. I've never not known."

"It's time to make it all stop," Jayne said. "We can talk later."

Amazingly enough, Simon nodded. "All right."

Kaylee and Viola burst through the door a moment later, and they stopped short. They looked around the room, not sure what exactly they were looking at. Simon moved to a computer that still had a screen and began typing quickly.

"They planned to breed me, but without using my own body. They took away pieces of me to bind to their studies, but they always intended to keep the genes they found most pleasing in my heritage," River said, answering Viola's unspoken question. "Here is where they did their studies to allocate genetics."

Kaylee had a hand over her mouth, and Viola solemnly handed over one of the glass jars that Kara had found to make her bombs. "These belong to you."

River accepted it gratefully, calculating its heft. She bounced it into the air a few times, catching it easily. "I haven't a match."

"I got fireworks covered."

Simon looked up at Kaylee's statement, his brow furrowed. "What?"

She was rummaging around in her pockets, and found a silver lighter. "I got this from Annabelle. She said it's always handy to have in a place like this."

"What are you doing?" Jayne asked warily, going to take a look over Simon's shoulder.

"I'm introducing the protocols to wipe the data. They have viruses and worms already built into the system to erase it if anything goes wrong."

"Easier to just blow it all up."

"This way, it erases every mention of the data in every database." Simon looked up and saw River playing with the glass jars. "What's that?"

"We're gonna make doubly sure they ain't got nothing left," Jayne said grimly.

Simon set the final commands in place and then moved over to the rest of the group. "Look, we need to get out of here. There's not much time left."

Viola rolled her eyes and turned to River. "You take the honors."

River lit the jar's wick and then turned toward the computer banks. She gave the jar a bounce and then whirled around in a circle, giving added momentum to her throw. The jar burst open across the blasted computer banks, and the fire spread across. The exposed wiring caught as well, and the acrid smell of burning electronics filled the room. River lit the others in quick succession, sending fire to every corner of the data center.

Viola turned to Simon. _"Now,_ we can go."

"Who were you again?"

Her eyes narrowed to slits. "I'm a Hunter and a Cobb, and don't you forget it."

"You don't look anything like... him."

Viola caught Simon by the front of his shirt, twisting it around her fist in a move she had seen Victoria do to a servant once. "You _will_ treat us with respect. Or uncle or no uncle, I will leave you behind here when it blows up."

Jayne caught Viola's wrist. "Vi. Let go. It's not important."

"Yes, it is."

Jayne applied gentle pressure until Viola let go. "C'mon, Vi. Time to go home." Reluctantly, Viola let go of Simon. She flounced out through the door. Kaylee shot Simon a strange look, and followed Viola out of the door. Simon watched as Jayne gestured for River to exit first, his hand on her back. Brow furrowed in thought, Simon exited as well. Within the room, the fire continued to rage behind him.

***

Carrying the wounded trooper as best as he could, Mal had fallen to the rear with Zoe. Troy had insisted on assisting Annabelle despite her protests, and she finally fell silent. "I don't remember you. That doesn't necessarily mean anything," she added quietly, cutting off Troy's reply. "But I still don't remember you. I'm probably not whoever you think I am." He had seemed to accept that, but he was very solicitous of her, almost to the point of distraction.

"What do you think those alarms were for?" Zoe asked.

"Not to call guards," Mal replied, shaking his head. He was careful not to jostle the wounded trooper. "We ain't seen none of 'em yet."

"I don't like this. Something's wrong here. I don't know what it is. There ain't nobody up above that can shoot us, nobody through those doors. This is too big a place to be this empty."

Mal looked around as Zoe spoke. "We played our part in all this, Zoe. All we gotta do now is survive it."

"You think Simon can do whatever he set to do?"

"Maybe so. He's different now. There's something changed in him. Don't know what it is, but he's harder now. He's different from the doc that walked onto our boat." Mal turned to Zoe. "Like he's been to war."

"He has now," Zoe intoned.

"Yeah. I guess so."

They walked on in silence in the direction that Annabelle had pointed out. After a moment, Mal did a mental check of their party members. "Where's the General?" he asked.

Everyone stopped. "What?" Troy asked, looking away from Annabelle.

"Julian... I don't see him." Mal looked around and craned his head to look around the trooper's head. "Hey... Wasn't he right over there not so long ago?"

"I'll go look," Troy said, finally breaking from Annabelle's side. He broke off from the group and began checking doors and rooms.

"We should go," Annabelle insisted. She looked around anxiously, which worried Mal. "There's not much time."

"Not much time for what?" Mal asked. "What in the _gorram_ hell is going on now?"

"Sniper teams are coming. The lower tunnels are going to be blocked off and destroyed. It's the final contingency plan. Someone put it into place."

"Well, now, missy. We came in with the General, and we're gonna leave with the General. _Dong ma?"_ He waited until her reluctant nod before he looked around for Troy. "Now where'd that guy go off to?"

Annabelle moved off toward Troy's direction. Mal eyed Zoe, who detached from the group to follow her.

There was a short hallway off to the side. Troy was checking every room as they entered the hallway. "I don't need a shadow," Annabelle hissed.

"Seems like it to me," Zoe remarked, falling into step beside the wounded girl. "Looks like I'm your shadow now. Not to worry, I think Troy'll take up the post again when he's done with the looking around bit."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Zoe didn't respond. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and headed toward it. Troy was running now, and Zoe quickly caught up with him. Julian was at the bottom of a set of stairs, aiming at a sniper across from him in the stairwell. He shot, and the sniper pitched forward over the rail into the center of the stairwell. There was a startled cry from several flights below.

Shots rang out from above, and Julian clutched at his chest. He fell back against the wall, and Troy began shooting up toward the shots. Whoever it was retreated from the stair railing. Troy was screaming as he shot, and it nearly covered the sound of a door slamming on the upper level. Zoe and Annabelle rushed to Julian's side, his lifeblood pouring onto the floor. "We gotta get you out of here," Zoe said, pressing a corner of his uniform top into the wound. Troy stopped shooting and moved to their side.

Julian moved Zoe's hands away. "No, my dear. It's long past time for this unworthy warrior to die. My Evangeline waits for me. Save the children. Allow them to lead natural lives."

"You don't know us," Annabelle said abruptly, unable to stop herself. "How could you do this?"

"I believe... in the Articles... of Alliance. I believe... we all must be free." He smiled, blood on his lips. "I swore an oath to uphold... those beliefs. I _swore._ I do this with full heart. I do not do this lightly." He patted Zoe's hands and smiled at Annabelle. "I die... with honor... protecting you from our mistakes. Live. Go, leave me here. You must live, you must go on."

Footsteps sounded on the stair, and Zoe whipped out her gun. Troy's was already armed.

Ashen-faced, Sarah Kelly stepped into view. Her pale face grew paler. "Julian?"

He turned to look at her. "Sarah. Good. Lead them... away... I cannot any longer."

"My God, Julian..."

"Blessings upon you," Julian murmured, his eyes closing. No one knew who he was speaking to. "May Buddha shine... upon us all... May the heavens open... and smile..."

As Sarah, Zoe and Troy left, Annabelle remained crouched beside Julian, fascinated. He _believed,_ with all the faith of an Operative or Specialist, and wasn't coerced into it. He loved life and freedom yet was ready to give it up for others. He knew the risks and took them willingly. She had never known of anyone doing that before. She had never seen anyone capable of self sacrifice for honor's sake before.

Troy doubled back and touched her arm. "Annabelle."

She looked up at his tear-stricken face, startled. He hadn't called her Anna. "We should go," she said softly, rising. He nodded silently, and Annabelle followed him in silence. She felt it when Julian's heart stopped beating, and it almost felt as if her own was breaking.

Mal didn't ask questions when he saw them return with Sarah and without Julian. "Let's go," Zoe said grimly.

Lips set in a firm line, Mal nodded.

They kept heading for the ships.

***  
***


	51. Denouement

The space port was rather empty when they arrived. No one really paid them any kind of attention, even the wounded soldier on Mal's shoulder. He thought it was strange that they seemed to pass through so easily, but he wasn't about to question it yet.

The _Bì Xuè_ and the other ships were all right where they had been left. Mal didn't think they looked tampered with, but he wasn't about to take any chances. Zoe, Sarah and the other guards went on ahead, and checked the entrance thoroughly.

"Are you going to be all right?" Inara asked Mal.

"I think I'll be okay once the doc looks at me," the guard replied, smiling at Inara.

"That's good," Inara replied with a smile, too polite to say anything to him. "And you, Mal? Will you be all right?"

"It's over now, ain't it?"

"It seems that way."

"Then I'll be fine, I reckon. What about you? Comin' back to Serenity? Or will you head off into the 'verse again?"

"I'm going to stay," she said, voice soft. Her gaze slid from his face. She could never meet his eyes properly when he looked so intense. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Serenity feels like home now."

"She's a good ship. She'll take care of us."

Inara nodded and resisted the urge to touch Mal. She glided back toward Sarah's crew, and risked a single glance backward. Mal was scowling at something the guard on his shoulder was saying, and he was looking like his usual discontented self.

Some things never changed.

When it became clear that the ships were all safe, Mal made sure that everyone got on safely. He let the medics on Julian's ship come out and retrieve the wounded guard while he stood his ground and watched over all of the ships. He stayed outside once they were boarded and waited a long moment, looking behind him at the Academy. Too many lives had been claimed for his liking. He could only hope that Simon, Kaylee and the others were safe, wherever they were, and that they wouldn't also be martyrs to this cause.

He was still standing there when straggling students came out of the space port halls, and he ushered them onto Julian's ship. Some of them looked haggard and thin, more like war criminals than former students. They were led by Jayne's nieces, whose jaws were clamped tight and whose eyes glittered with unvoiced pain. It was a shame that children had to participate in a war created by adults who didn't care one whit about their duties.

After making sure everyone was on board, Mal went inside himself. One of the psychic children would let him know once River and the others were ready to come aboard. He hoped.

He would give them an hour, then give the order to lift off.

***

"Silver moonlight paints the night, leading the way for the beams to fall. The chains shall break before it's through," River murmured, reaching for Viola. The girl grasped River's hand tightly, but didn't say a word.

"What was that?" Simon asked, coming up behind her. Kaylee shot him a look that clearly said _we don't have time for this,_ which he ignored.

"They hypnotized me with their spider's webs, made their promises and made their threats. They sent me down into the spiral town, the windling ways, the harding days. The tactics they take are difficult and scorch. They sear flesh to bone, leave others as stone. I know this is not something to aim for anymore. They wish to make us unfeeling and uncaring, marble that moves to their rhythm. I cannot allow this, I cannot."

Jayne touched River's shoulder gently. "No more of that weapon _go se._ We'll be fine, all right? They're done now. There's nothing else that they can do to you."

"They want to. The trouble they took..."

"Lookit, those letters in there don't mean squat. They can't _make_ you do what you don't wanna do. You got trainin', is all. What you did to Jonas or that guy that went after us... That was your choice. You _chose_ to attack them for what they was gonna do. Weapons don't choose what to do. They get used. You have a choice, and you chose what you was gonna do. Nobody forced you to do anything." Jayne gave a dry chuckle. "I don't think nobody could ever force you to do anything you didn't wanna do."

She turned shining eyes toward his face, and Simon nearly gasped in shock. River wasn't turning to him for guidance anymore. He didn't have all of the answers anymore.

"I hear it, the echoes that ring in the dark. I'm never alone. I'm deconstructed, broken to pieces and built back up strangely so that I hear the whispers of the dying. I know what they had planned, I know what they wanted. I can hear it."

"They're nothing that'll touch you. Not while I'm alive," Jayne said firmly. He grasped River's other hand and pulled her forward.

Viola let go of River's hand and watched them move forward slightly. She fell into step beside Kaylee and didn't look at Simon.

"He cares about her very much, doesn't he?" Kaylee asked her softly.

"Well, sure. We knew it before he did," Viola added. "Kept talking nonsense how they weren't together or nothing. Vicky and I knew that he had eyes for her. It's as plain as his eyes."

Simon remained silent, chewing on the raw spot on the inside of his cheek. He blindly reached out for Kaylee, who grasped his hand tightly. His entire world had shifted, and she was the only thing keeping him upright.

"Sometimes the hardest things to see are the ones right in front of ya. You never look at it, and you think you know what it is. So you never really notice when something changes." Kaylee squeezed Simon's hand as she spoke. "But it's gonna be all right. I think we got everything under wraps now."

"It'll be difficult to accept," Simon said slowly.

"But you will," Kaylee replied confidently. Viola looked confused at their byplay, but Kaylee smiled at Simon warmly. "We ain't goin' nowhere. We'll be there the whole way, and we'll see if anything changes. She's still who she is."

Simon sighed. "All right."

"Okay. Let's go, then."

Somehow, River led the way through the tunnels heading out of the Academy. There was the rush of fresh air in these tunnels, letting them know they were headed in the right direction. It served to perk up their spirits somewhat.

She stopped abruptly in one tunnel and turned toward Jayne. "We can't use this way out."

"What?"

"The assassin's guild isn't pleased that they lost their prized pupil."

"What's that mean?"

"It means we should go, shatterheart," she insisted, grasping his hand. Jayne tried to shake her off to no avail. She pulled on his arm when he craned his neck to look down the tunnel, and the look on her face was of agitation. She certainly didn't like the feeling of the tunnel up ahead, and it was throwing off her ability to speak clearly.

"What is it?" Viola asked.

"I don't like how it feels here," Kaylee murmured, looking around. The gun in her hand somehow didn't look as incongruous as it would have just two months ago on Mr. Universe's moon. She held it tightly in her grip, her finger resting over the trigger.

"We need to get out of here, River," Simon insisted. "We can talk later..."

"That's not it!" River insisted, trying to pull on Jayne's arm. He refused to budge. "Don't make me hit you! I can't carry you far!"

"Lookit, there's..."

It felt as though someone was watching them from the shadows. Viola peered into the darkness beyond them, squinting a little. She could see the glittering white eyes and the outline of a form in gray on black. "Hello?"

"Your misery calls to me," the form replied. It was a boy, not much older than her. "The other... She wasn't broken enough, not really. She thought to wound me." He smiled, showing off his broken teeth. "I misunderstood her. I thought her age to be a beacon, something that she would want to shed like snake's skin. I don't often make mistakes like that."

"We need to go _now!"_ River insisted. She gave up on Jayne and grasped Viola's arm. The girl yielded, but the others seemed entranced. She would never be able to drag them all away, and she gave up trying to. _"Tain xiode!_ Let's go!"

"Little sister, dance with me," the boy crooned, running his tongue along the undersides of his broken upper teeth. "That's what you're for. It's what you're meant to do. Dance like you've danced before, broken blades and blinding rage. Dance with me."

_"Ha wo deh bang,"_ Jayne ground out, stepping in front of River. "She ain't goin' nowhere or doin' nothing with you."

"Then you die," the boy said simply, coming closer. He fell under the overhead emergency lights, and they could all clearly see the three bullet holes in his chest, still oozing blood. "I am not truly hurt, not like this. I will fell you all in chains."

River gently pushed Jayne aside. "You said I had a choice."

"River..." Simon began.

"I didn't mean for ya to go all nuts over it like this!" Jayne nearly roared. "We need to be getting out of here. We need to keep going."

"He blocks our path. He will not let us pass like this." River stepped forward, her hands clenching at her sides. "I can do this."

A klaxon sounded overhead, and the boy laughed.

"Five minutes," he chortled. "You won't make it in time!"

"I only need one," River replied.

_"Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu!"_ the boy replied as he ran forward.

"I've already returned home from there!" River snapped. She lunged forward, and her fist snapped the boy in the face. He staggered back a step, and River moved in a roundhouse kick that caught him in the side of his head. He reached out as he fell, catching River across her arm. His broken nails scored her skin, making her cry out and jump back.

The boy pushed himself to his feet. "I won't be surprised again."

"Then at least make it a good fight," River replied scornfully. Her lips twisted in disdain. "There's no effort in this yet."

They moved again, clashing with hands and feet. He struck her in the chest, but she twisted through her fall to lash out and kick him in the groin. He doubled over as she hit the ground, and from there she kicked again. This time her blows landed on his knees, knocking them out from beneath him. The boy crashed down to his knees, and River pushed herself to a half crouched position. She propped herself up and kicked sideways, catching him right in the chest on his bullet wounds. The boy gasped in shock and staggered backward. River got to her feet and stepped over his throat.

"We're done," she replied, voice cold.

"No," he gasped, clutching at her ankle.

River pressed down into his trachea, minimizing his air intake. "I'd let you live if you let go."

"Die with me," the boy wheezed.

Her foot stamped down harder, and the boy's eyes bulged. "Let go."

He tightened his grip on her ankle and tried to pull her feet out from under her. River pressed even harder, pushing her weight into it. The boy's feet kicked out spastically, and his hand tried to pull at her ankle with ever more feeble attempts. River adjusted her weight slightly, which lessened the pressure over the boy's throat for just an instant. He sucked in a lungful of air just before her weight came down in a crushing blow.

Simon winced at the sound of the cartilage snapping in his neck. His airway collapsed, the boy let go of River's ankle to clutch at his throat. He scratched at the skin, tearing it, intending to open a new entryway.

River turned to her stunned companions. "Now we may pass."

"River?" Viola asked in a tiny voice.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" Viola whispered, hands at her mouth.

"But of course. This was not a difficult maneuver. Especially not for one built to be a weapon, to be maneuverable and fluid in such matters. I was merely on holiday, a brief reprieve from the duties they had expected me to perform as First Class, First Level. The training was complete, and his had hardly begun. There was no contest."

Jayne shook his head and moved forward. He grasped her upper arm and began tugging her away from the gasping boy on the floor. "You an' me gotta have a talk later about these creepifyin' fightin' habits you got here. There's some things that just ain't right." Jayne turned and shot the boy in the head, ending his struggles. Jayne turned back to River, who was watching his every move. "See? There ain't no call to let someone suffer like that. Just do it in a quick, clean kill. No sufferin' or nothing. Plus, you're sure he's dead and gone."

"Oh."

"None of that weapons _go se,_ got me? Weapons don't chose nothing 'bout when or how they're used. And you ain't being used. You choose who to fight and how. That weren't nobody else's choice right now, right?"

"Right." River replied with a nod. She looked at Jayne's determined face and realized suddenly what he had been trying to tell her. "Oh!"

"Yeah, oh. C'mon. We'd best be gettin' home."

"We're going home?" Viola piped up, pleased. She beamed at Jayne and River. "Oh, good. I don't think this hero thing is for me."

Simon looked at Kaylee. "Home is on Serenity with you." He turned toward River as they ran for the exit. _"Mei mei?"_

River looked to Jayne, who shrugged. "I dunno. Whatever you want. If you wanna go down on a planet sometime, we can do that. If you want to stay out in the black, we can do that, too. I think I got some time left in the black, though."

She nodded and smiled in relief. "Oh, good. As lovely as your mother is, that was not my home. I wish to return to Serenity as well."

Kaylee laughed as they crossed over from the tunnels into a large stairwell. "I can't wait to see my girl. Simon told me that she got all fixed up?"

They started up the stairs, ignoring the crumpled figure on the floor of the stairwell. Viola found it frighteningly easy to look past the misshapen lump and keep her eyes on the stairs. She simply watched where her feet were going, and didn't look anywhere else. It was just safer for her sanity that way. She knew there was no way she would survive this without nightmares, and knew that she could never be a stone-hearted killer. Once Kaylee and Simon fell into step alongside her, it was easier to move about. She didn't have to see anything, because they filled up her entire peripheral vision. There were a few flights of stairs to go, if this stairwell was set to the same height as the previous one Viola had climbed. It was at least four stories deep to the tunnels and very likely more at this end.

Viola kept moving. She wasn't going to get left behind for anything.

***

Annabelle hated the way Troy was staring at her. It made her spine itch like mad, and the dull aching throb in her shoulder was nothing in comparison to her mental discomfort. The medic had dug out the bullet already and patched on a weave. The shoulder would heal. Her unease would last as long as he stared at her, and he seemed content to stare at her for a long time. _I am all visions and illusions,_ she tried to think at him. _I am madness, genius and poetry. I leave nothing but faded dreams and vivid nightmares behind me. I was a scary one, and I was always one of those hidden enemies, full of tricks and falsehoods._

He didn't seem to get the hint.

"I'm not who you think I am," she repeated.

"Maybe," Troy replied as he had a dozen times before already. "But you look like her. Your name is similar, too."

"Let it go."

"I can't. I was never very good at that."

"Now's a good time to learn."

"Would it really be so terrible, Anna?" Troy asked, hand on the back of his chair. He wasn't quite ready to leave the infirmary just yet, which annoyed Annabelle. She wanted to be alone to think; his presence was too cloying and solid.

"Would what be?"

"If you were my sister? I don't remember her anyway, not really. She was a lot older than I was when she died. I mean, do you have any family you'd rather be with?"

Annabelle thought of the twins and the sisters that were younger than her. They had all pretended to be family, and had called each other cousins. They weren't really family. They had all been Specialists, and they had all done their duty. They hadn't been a true family.

"Just leave me alone."

"Was it terrible growing up?" he continued. Annabelle bit her lip and looked away. "I don't know anything about you, and you don't know anything about me. Even if we're not really related, why not give it a try? Would it be so bad becoming my sister? I don't have any other family left anymore. Do you?"

Annabelle found herself shaking her head in spite of herself.

"So what would be the harm?"

"I'm not good sister material. I kill things."

"So have I, in my time," he murmured. "War does that."

"I might kill you."

Troy shook his head and stood. He finally headed toward the infirmary door. "I'll be back later on, Anna. I'll bring something to eat."

"Don't hurry on my account," Annabelle replied, surly.

This love and relationship thing definitely grew annoying at times. She didn't understand what Kaylee wanted in a situation like that. Still, Kaylee was a different kind of girl. Maybe it wasn't so bad with Simon as the object of her affections.

Annabelle sighed and adjusted her hospital blankets. Either way, she was stuck here until she became well. Maybe afterward she would return to her hideaway on Shinon. Or she would pick up and move somewhere completely random, with no ties to her history. The thought of that somehow made her feel hollow. It felt as if someone had come along and scooped out her entire thoracic cavity, leaving behind the exposed undersides to her ribs. Her chest ached with an odd melancholy she couldn't name, and Annabelle was even more discomfited by that unfamiliar feeling. _Don't leave here angry,_ her strange thoughts whispered, pushing at her almost relentlessly. _Stay. Get to know him. Become his sister anyway. Otherwise, what else would you have? Where else would you go?_

Unfortunately, the thoughts had a point.

Annabelle stared up at the ceiling sullenly, wishing her thoughts could fall silent. She had never been meant to survive the Academy's fall. She was supposed to be dead. Now, she had an entire life ahead of her that was hers alone. It was a frightening situation, and Annabelle was the kind of girl that was difficult to frighten.

She laid back and closed her eyes. There was time to decide on things. There was time enough for everything that needed to be done.

***

"The school has fallen."

Hector looked over at Regan, eyes wide with fear. "What?"

Regan was standing by the window, looking out over the courtyard below. Gabriel was trying to read the newspaper, but it was hard to focus with a gun pointed at them. Now that Hector's hand was beginning to shake, he was even more discomfited.

"The Academy has been destroyed. The tunnels beneath were blocked from all entry and collapsed from within. The former leaders have been eliminated."

"That's not possible," Hector hissed, his hand shaking. "They promised... It wasn't supposed to fall! It's impenetrable!"

"Nothing is," Regan replied calmly. She had a beatific smile on her face and began to walk toward Gabriel. Her arms were hanging akimbo, and her eyes were stunningly clear. It was probably the first time in years that Gabriel had seen such an expression on her face, and it left him breathless. She looked a dozen years younger, at least.

"You stay back!" Hector hissed. "You're the last thing to keep them at bay!"

"It's over. The Project is finished. All shreds of its existence have been eliminated. My daughter has been freed and can live her own life. My son has risen to his full potential. The others are let loose upon the worlds, and the sinister purposed has now been ended. My silence has been lifted, and your keepers are all dead. There is no one left to hold you in thrall."

Hector's lips trembled, and he pulled back the safety. "Don't come any closer, witch!"

Regan smiled at his chaotic thoughts of his younger sister, who had long since fallen beneath the Project's wheels. She raised her arms slightly, as if offering a hug. "She had long since been at peace, Hector. She hadn't been in their grasp for very long. She didn't suffer overmuch in their care. You don't have to keep fighting to uphold them for her sake."

_They said she was a witch and I didn't believe it. They said not to talk to her, and I didn't believe it. They said just to keep an eye on her, that she would trust anyone those Independents brought her to. They said..._

"Hector. It's going to be all right. It's over now."

His hands shaking badly, Hector shook his head. "No, they cannot be killed. They cannot!"

Regan stepped forward. "They can, and they have."

Hector's trigger finger tightened, and the gun went off. Regan was hit square in the chest, and she stumbled back slightly. Gabriel cried out, and before Hector could direct his gun toward the older man, Regan's hands closed over his. She pulled the gun back to her chest, smiling at Hector all the while. "I've tied our lives together, you see," she whispered. "Your life and mine, bound up in this Project from beginning to end. They made you to do their bidding, just as they did me. And now that it's done, so are we."

_"Brujah!"_ Hector snapped, tying to wrest the gun from her grip.

She touched her chest and then wiped her bloody fingers onto his forehead. "Yes."

He tore himself from her grip, struggling with her over the gun. She was surprisingly strong and agile, and he found himself stumbling over the chair and table where Gabriel had been sitting at moments before.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

Hector tumbled right into the window, and fell through the opening to the courtyard below.

Gabriel caught Regan just as she was about to fall through herself. He heard the wet cracking sounds of Hector hitting the stone courtyard. "Regan..."

"It's over, Gabriel. Their lives have truly begun now."

"But... He... We need to get you to a hospital."

"No, Gabriel. My time is done. I've never truly lived, and I've never really been anyone. I've been a hollow shell of a woman, and never a true wife to you." Regan touched his face, tracing the lines in his cheeks and the curve of his lips. He had been stunningly handsome once, and age had settled in recently. "Find someone who can be a wife, Gabriel. Find someone untouched by all of this, and ready to be a grandmother. Find someone who has a heart. She has to have a soul left to give to you. I don't have anything for you. I never had enough for myself. I was a poor wife and a worse mother. I gave away my children without another thought. I didn't fight for them. I didn't deserve them. They deserve more than to be my children."

"Regan..." Gabriel's throat closed up, and he didn't know how to say everything that he wanted to say. There was years of resentment and hope and love and pain, and he didn't know where to begin. "I..."

"You'll be all right, Gabriel," Regan murmured, eyes closing. "They'll be all right. I gave life and I took life, but I was never life itself. It's all right."

"It's _not_ all right!" Gabriel snapped, voice breaking.

Regan's eyes opened. "Why, Gabriel... Did you care for me? Really?"

"You can't die," Gabriel murmured, smoothing her hair from her face. "You can't."

She smiled gently, eyes closing again. Her breath was more shallow. "Perhaps there's hope for you yet, Gabriel. Maybe you've learned from my mistakes."

"Don't leave me," Gabriel pleaded.

Regan pressed her hand over his heart, then let it fall. "Not if you remember," she whispered, lips barely moving. "I'm tired now."

"Don't leave," Gabriel pleaded. Regan didn't answer, and he gathered her up to his chest. He rocked her, unmindful of the spreading stains. "You can't die. You're not supposed to die. It was supposed to be me last month, me. It wasn't supposed to be you. You can't die... You can't. You can't leave me alone..."

When she didn't answer, Gabriel howled in pain.

Winning didn't mean everything, and it wasn't worth the price they had to pay.

***  
***


	52. Epilogue

The funeral for Regan Tam was one of those massive social affairs where anybody who was anybody attended. For the first time in years, River was thrust back into the social whirl she thought she had left behind. She went to the tailors she had gone to as a child and stood patiently as her measurements were taken. No one dared look at her askance, or ask about the hulking figure by her side with the matching wedding band. The fabrics chosen were expensive black silk crepe, and swatches of dupioni silk with dark midnight blue ribbon trim. The accessories were chosen with care, and were made up of deep blue sapphires and beads of jet. Jayne was measured as well, amidst scowls and near growls that sent the trainees scurrying to the back rooms. He didn't utter a single syllable of complaint, however, and the main tailors nodded at him in approval once he was finished.

Simon and Kaylee were also getting measurements taken at the shop. Because it had seemed to be a rather posh place, Kaylee introduced herself as Kaywinnet Lee. The head tailor nearly fell over himself to bow down to her. "Miss Kaywinnet Lee? Of the Lee family?" he said.

"Of the Frye family," Simon responded coldly. The tailor's face froze in confusion, and Simon stood there impassive, not uttering a word.

"Ah... I believe we can help you," the tailor finally responded.

"Good," Kaylee replied with a smile. She patted Simon's arm gently. "We wouldn't want to have to leave over something as silly as a name."

They all stood beside Gabriel Tam at the funeral. The rescued students also attended, though as guests of the family. They kept their heads bowed and their lips shut. Speculation slid over them and fell to their feet unanswered. No one introduced them, and they didn't introduce themselves. It wasn't necessary. They were there to pay their respects to River's mother, who obliquely had been one of them. Though none of them had really known Regan, they certainly had heard of her in the lower levels.

The funeral also gave them a chance to mourn the students that couldn't be saved. Those were the ones that had fallen within the tunnels or the ones that had gone too far to remember their pasts. These students had been rebellious, but they hadn't been callous. They respected their own and took care of their own as best as they could.

The wake was a somber and quiet event, where social jockeying continued by means of covert looks and small gestures. Gabriel didn't bother to interpret them; he didn't care about the tittering, empty masses of people he had once tried to impress. What did it matter anymore? He had lost his wife and his children obeying the social rules. It was only by Buddha's grace that his children had seen fit to forgive him.

He watched the rescued Academy children wander and whisper among themselves. Some clustered near the Serenity crew as if for dear life, and some of them were slightly apart. None of them went anywhere near the social vipers Gabriel used to respect. He thought it was very telling that none of them could seek comfort from Osiris' glitterati.

Gabriel walked over to the group that was standing on its own near the parlor exit. They fell silent, clutching at their glasses and plates. "Will you all be okay?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe now," one of them replied slowly.

"I don't know what okay is," another said softly.

Gabriel thought of the massive estate, most of it covered over in white sheets and empty. He thought of his rooms upstairs, the empty sitting area and closed off drapes. He thought of the silence that would fall once the hushed masses left. He thought of the impending absence of everything, and found it difficult to breathe.

"I don't know, either," he said, looking at all of them in turn. Some of them looked back, but others cast their eyes downward. "But will you be safe?"

"I think so," the first one said with a nod. Gabriel found himself relaxing. "They're going to take care of us. We're going to go far away from here, and we'll just fade away. No one will remember us after a while. We can live, then."

"Then someone benefited from all this."

One girl impulsively reached out her hand and grasped Gabriel's. "It's quiet where she is. No one hurts there. No more pain, no more lies, no more whispers behind her back. It's peaceful. She's at peace now."

Gabriel gave her hand a squeeze and nodded. "Take care, all of you." He let go of the girl's hand, then moved back into the uncaring crowd.

River sat on a settee, bare feet curled up under her. The black silk slippers with the jet beads had been kicked off onto the floor beneath the settee. Jayne returned with a plate of crackers, cheese and some sort of fruit he didn't recognize but figured River might like. He sat down beside her, and she picked absentmindedly at the plate. She didn't even bother to take note of which patterned plate it was. Once upon a time she had cared about such things. The Platinum Imperial set had been her favorite one, and she had always insisted that it be used at her birthday parties and occasions where she was the center of attention. It was funny thinking about those lost details. None of it mattered anymore, and none of it had ever made a difference. It didn't matter if they used the Platinum Imperial, Silver Scroll, Golden Jade or Starshine set. It didn't matter what the cut of the crystal goblets had been. None of those things were what really mattered in life, but it had been part of where she had come from.

"I hate being put on a pedestal," she murmured to Jayne, looking down at the piece of cheese in her hand. It was one of those expensive and unreasonably rare types of cheeses that only the elite on Osiris had the chance to eat. She doubted Jayne knew that, and would appreciate the subtlety of the life she had once lead.

Jayne took a piece of that same cheese and smeared it over a cracker. He ate it in two large bites and made that soft humming noise she had come to learn was an appreciative one. Perhaps he didn't understand the cultural subtleties, but he certainly did appreciate nice things when he saw them. He smeared a piece of cheese onto a cracker and held it out to River. "C'mon, you need to eat something."

"I also tend to sabotage myself in a lot of things."

"And? Where ya goin' with all this? Just eat something."

"I'm not the girl for you," River whispered.

"The hell you're not. Eat up."

River blinked in surprise as he all but shoved the cracker at her lips. She took a bite, and chewed thoughtfully. She rather liked the soft cheese and the texture of the cracker. Perhaps Jayne was on to something here.

"Enemies at war build defenses and secret hiding places," River said, trying to explain her line of reasoning. She nearly frowned in frustration when Jayne shoved the half-eaten cracker and cheese at her. "Look, you need to understand this."

"Somehow you were different from what I've known. But just 'cause I didn't see you coming don't mean you're not good for me. So shut it and just eat. If you get any skinnier, my Ma is gonna tan my hide for not takin' care of my wife proper."

River's heart nearly broke. "You still wish to keep me? Even with all of my strange sayings and my behavior in the tunnels and levels belowground?"

"Look, you need further trainin', is all. You got aim and background, but no application. So you practice in a controlled way. You get to learn what it is that they taught ya. They didn't teach ya nothin' about how to use those gifts you got, not really. Vi got scared 'cause she's a student. She got books and stuff, not guns and knives and killin'." Jayne shrugged and spread more cheese on a cracker. "Way I see it, you're stuck with me. I told you that already. We just gotta tune up them skills so they don't go bonkers on ya."

"They tried to break me," River murmured. She accepted the cracker and cheese. "I'll be here standing in the shadow of my heart with you if they ever come again."

"Huh. Guess that means you're keepin' me, too?"

"Oh, yes. If you'll have me."

"And didn't I just say so?" Jayne muttered, rolling his eyes. "Here. You finish this up. I'll go get another plate. I saw some fancy fishy stuff, but I don't think you'll like it. Too salty and nasty tasting on a cracker. I think that egg stuff might be okay."

River had to smile at the way Jayne dismissed the caviar. If he only knew how much it cost... "I think that egg stuff sounds lovely."

Jayne grinned back at her and ran off to get another plate.

Soon enough, Simon sat down next to River. "How are you doing?" he asked gently.

_"Wenshén,"_ River replied with a half smile. "I won't tell you that Jayne is treating me terribly. That would be a lie."

Simon nodded. "I can see that now. I'm not too happy with it, but I'm better about it. I still think you can do better."

River slid her feet out from under her and tucked them back into her slippers. "What do you see when you look out into those tepid society waters? Do you see someone who would understand the past? Do you see someone who would accept all of me? All of you? Who else would be there beside us but the ones we've found? They accept all of us, revel in the different aspects of who we've become, and glory in our triumphs. They catch us when we fall. There is no better mate than that, and even you have to admit that."

"Yes, but... _Jayne? Mei mei,_ I have to ask... Why?"

She smiled at him gently. "Why Kaylee?"

Simon shot her a wry smile. "Point taken."

"It's not the social standing that matters anymore. We don't belong with the duplicitous crowd in this house. We belong with our spiritual family, in the black." She leaned her head down on his shoulder. "We belong where we're understood, where we're needed and wanted. Not here, in this mausoleum of memories."

"If he ever does anything..."

"I can disembowel him with a fork if need be," River replied calmly. "I will not allow that."

Simon relaxed. "All right, then. If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

He kissed the top of her head. "Somehow I didn't see you grow up."

River patted his hand gently. "It's okay. I missed that, too."

"The _Bì Xuè_ will bring them all to Beylix tomorrow. If you want, you can go, too. We'll catch up and meet you there."

"I'd like that. I think they would, too. It's a calming place. I think you would enjoy it in the Cobb household. There are few restrictions, and many happy memories in the walls."

"They treated you nice?" Simon asked, curious.

"Like family. Like kin."

Simon linked hands with River. "I'm sorry I said those things about Jayne."

"I know. You'll see. It'll be all right. We'll all take good care of each other."

When Jayne returned with another plate full of food, Simon relinquished his seat and went back to Kaylee's side. He watched Jayne carefully feed River, and some of his panic eased. Maybe River was right, and they would be all right.

Kaylee slipped her hand through Simon's and gave it a gentle squeeze. She kissed his cheek and followed his line of vision. "They'll be all right, you know. He'll take good care of her, and she'll keep him in line."

Simon turned to her and smiled. "Just like you take care of me, right?"

She grinned and touched his nose. "Yeah. Just like that. We're gonna be okay, Simon. We will."

Finally, Simon thought he could believe it.

***

Whatever the Serenity crew had been expecting when they touched down on Beylix, what they saw wasn't it. The dusty fields outside of town were empty, but it hardly looked like a wasteland to run from. They weren't far from the edge of town, and getting there on the mule was quick enough. The town was small, but it was fairly clean and well laid out. Someone had planned the town square with care, and the main streets continued to be taken care of. They followed the directions they had been given, and went down the main street. It dead ended past the initial town line, and the directions said to turn right. The signpost at the crossroads indicated that the main street was simply Broadway, and the new street was Chestnut Lane. They went past three large homesteads, and stopped in front of the fourth one at the end of the lane.

The large farmhouse had a sloped roof above the second story. There was a shaded wraparound porch that sagged a little in the front, as though generations of feet had worn the boards smooth. The house had once been painted forest green and brick red, but the paint had long since been worn away. There was a barn and silo in the back, a fenced in area with a few horses grazing and a wheat field off to the right of the house. Just to the left of the house was a garden with vegetables and a few rose bushes in full bloom.

"Huh. Lookit that. Jayne came from a real family home," Kaylee said in wonder as they pulled up alongside the house. She could see rows of faces at the windows and waved at them. Some of the children waved back, and some of them were shy enough to duck away. She laughed and grasped Simon's hand tightly. "I like this place already."

Vera was coming out of the side door, wiping her hands on her apron. "Oh, you're early! The pies aren't done yet."

Zoe and Mal exchanged looks. "Pie?" Mal asked.

"Apple, mostly," Vera said, coming close to the mule. She grinned up at everyone and then gave them all hugs. "C'mon in. We've got most of the house set up. Some of the kids are at the Hunter place up in the town proper. The twins were nice enough to let 'em stay up there. It's kinda much for the psychics, but it's space they can all use and be safe in."

Vera gave a tour of the house, smiling at the children running around underfoot. The den was cluttered with some boxes labeled "fragile" and a date four months away. "What's all this?" Mal asked, indicating the boxes.

"Oh. That's stuff for Mattie and Caro's wedding. Time's gettin' short now. The kids are great, helpin' with ideas an' where to get stuff. They had everything set up for things here, but the kids knew where to order stuff for cheaper." Vera shrugged and led them upstairs. "Some of the kids here are bunkin' together. The twins moved back into the Hunter house with some of the older kids, and their housekeeper looks after 'em."

"Is that safe?" Zoe asked, concerned.

"Well, sure. I interviewed the housekeeper myself. A Grady cousin from Hallows, actually. So I know they're all in good hands, and they can feel like they're all grown up." Vera knocked on one of the bedroom doors, and it opened up in front of her. The girls inside were playing cards on the bed, discarding them from their hands mentally. Vera waved at them and then shut the door. "It's mighty odd at first, but you get used to it, I guess. They just needed some room to grow a bit and feel at home."

"It's... admirable," Inara said, looking at the closed door doubtfully. "I don't know if I can deal with it half so well."

"They're still children," Vera said, voice firm. "We set ground rules when they all came in. No messing with my head, Mattie's, Caro's, nobody's. That ain't proper, and they agreed that they'd abide by proper rules. They can use whatever they want so long's it's not harmful or cheating nobody. They go to school and they got chores and they got bedtimes and that kind of thing. And we all do okay. It's only been two weeks, but it's workin' okay so far."

They all went back downstairs, and Simon looked around the house. Kaylee was squeezing his hand in joy, no doubt imagining a home of their own someday. He was starting to like the concept, even if he wasn't quite ready for it yet. For all he knew, Gabriel was intending to leave him the Tam Estate again.

"Where's River?"

"She and Jayne went into town to visit friends of his. Seth and Ann Marie Darcy. He's known 'em since high school, when the two of 'em and Jared Hunter were always gettin' into scrapes." Vera shook her head sadly. "Strange the way things go when you get older."

"Ain't that the truth," Mal muttered, shaking his head. He risked a glance at Inara out of the corner of his eye and then pasted a smile on his face for Vera's benefit. "Now, you'd said something about a pie?"

Beaming, Vera led them into the dining room.

***

After dinner, most of the guests went their separate ways. Serenity would be leaving the next day, and River and Jayne would be returning to the black with them. Vera would miss them, but they promised they would definitely return in time for the wedding, and that would be soon enough for her to start planning something for the other Cobb wedding.

Out on the back porch, she saw Kara sitting on the edge of the railing, feet kicking aimlessly. She settled onto the bench, and smiled at her grand-niece. "It's a good night tonight."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Ethan seems to like you."

"Yeah, I guess."

"One of the girls was saying something about that officer on the ship that dropped you all off," Vera continued. She was used to sullen teenagers.

"She's gotta big mouth, whoever she is," Kara snapped, turning around. She leaned against the support beam and balanced on the edge of the railing. "I don't know what's up with him. He just stared a lot. And he's got someone he calls a sister now, and he's gotta take care of her. She looked like she was a piece of Academy work." Kara shrugged and tried to act as if it didn't matter in the slightest. "He's old, anyway. And I'm here, and I'm nobody special. There's stuff here I gotta be doing."

"Horace will be out of the hospital soon."

Kara flushed and looked out over the fields in the back. "Yeah. Said he's gonna be as good as new, like nothing ever happened." She shrugged and rested her chin on her knees. "But nothing's gonna be the same, ya know?"

"Any plans yet?"

She shook her head. "Vi said she'd be my tutor if I wanted. So I'd read better and stuff. I... I dunno, though. I never gave it much thought."

"Well, you'll be sixteen soon. And you got plenty of time to figure that out. Horace will need help walking around the same. We're gonna get the den set up for him to stay in. You can stay in the room upstairs where you are now."

Kara whipped around, nearly losing her balance. "Really?"

"Well, sure. I can't seem to tolerate a quiet house no more," Vera said with a smile. She got up and gave Kara a hug. "You're all stuck with me as a Gramma now."

Kara held her tightly. "I can live with that."

"Okay, now, off to bed with you. Good night."

"Good night."

Vera stayed out on the porch for a while longer, breathing in the night air. She couldn't imagine the house to be as quiet as it had been before the children had arrived. She had missed being busy, and she had missed the noise of a house filled to the rafters with kin. She closed her eyes and said a soft prayer for all of the souls in her home and in the Hunter home in town. "Watch over all of us, and guide us on our way. Amen."

She watched the stars twinkle in the night sky, and then went back into the house. Tomorrow was another day, and it was going to be full of things to do and surprises to take care of.

She wouldn't want it any other way.

The End.


End file.
